i think of us in distances.
i think of us in distances
kiseung (kikwang/hyunseung/kikwang), pg-13, goosebump-inducing unbeta'd
i was bored and i miss this weird otp QAQ
When Hyunseung finds himself saying "It's nice to see you leave again" to the blurring figure at his door, his eyes turn into sliding seas of longing and ache and heartbreak. He watches the door swing and click shut (thank you for saying goodbye for us, door).
Before he can begin wallowing in self-pity over hard liquor and junk food, a sharp screech slices through the air, followed by loud shuffling and Hyunseung cringes, the gentle curves of his face twisting into rage. Who the fuck dares to interrupt Jang Hyunseung when he's not in the best of moods (trying to sew his heart back again) ? Clicking his tongue in annoyance, he strides over to the door and throws it open, his mouth ready as a loaded gun to attack the source of that noise-
A boy with painfully widened eyes stands near his door, his upper body pressing against what looks to be a glass dining table. Hyunseung stares at him (and he stares back) until the boy jumps to his feet and puts on a big, big smile, his hands smoothing down the creases on his oversized sweater.
"Hello! I'm your new neighbor, Lee Kikwang," He says, voice bubbling over with enthusiasm. Lee Kikwang waves and Hyunseung thinks he smells like trouble. "What's your name, neighbor?"
Hyunseung blinks and drags his fingers through his own hair.
"Guess."
Lee Kikwang's smile melts into a frown almost immediately (Hyunseung suppresses a chuckle) and he responds, smiling even harder and baring even more teeth if possible, "If you don't want me to know your name, it's alright, I'll just call you 'mr. neighbor' then!"
"Right."
"Hey Mr. Neighbor, could you give me a hand here? I can't get my table past my door... How about it? I'll be really thankful if you helped me!"
Hyunseung opens his mouth to say "how about no" to those hopeful eyes and cute teeth (wait, cute?) but Lee Kikwang's fingers wrap around his forearm and yanks his body forward from behind the door. Hyunseung nearly lands on his face and he wonders just what the hell does this kid eat to get that kind of strength.
He helps Kikwang place his glass table in the dining room after much pain and breathy curses (he really hasn't gotten much exercise lately) and before he can leave, those fingers catch him again and he ends up helping to shift the fridge in place. "Thank you so much, Mr. Neighbor!" Kikwang opens the fridge as soon as it's shifted, and hands Hyunseung a can of soda.
Ripping the tab from the can, Hyunseung downs the cool liquid and only replies with a low hum.
Later on, Hyunseung ends up cleaning dusty vacant rooms and checking the electricity and moving the couch and looking under the bed, all at Kikwang's request. He would have said 'no' if not for that grin and the promise of free drinks and maybe a nice dinner afterwards.
"Why am I doing this for you?" Hyunseung sighs when everything is in place and the apartment looks comfortable, like home. "I don't even know you."
"Because you're a lovely neighbor, and you do know me!"
"I don't."
"I gave you my name and you're in my house right now."
"That doesn't count."
"We'll talk over dinner and we'll get to know each other better, don't worry!"
But I don't want to know you any better, and I don't want to open up to a stranger like you, Hyunseung thinks.
Kikwang thinks otherwise as he prepares dinner (we're having pasta, he calls out to Hyunseung who has got one foot out the door) and the taller boy can only sit at the dining table and wait. He leaves his fingerprints all over the glass while he's at it, wondering if Kikwang would notice the faint smudges.
Hyunseung's apartment is just less than five footsteps away from Kikwang's.
Hyunseung works at a bookstore, arranging volumes of text and helping customers look for books that they want. You must be really good at finding things quickly then, Mr. Neighbor, Kikwang laughs and Hyunseung's mouth only twitches (good at finding trouble, you mean). Why don't you just say I'm really boring, Lee Kikwang.
Kikwang moved in next door to be nearer to his mother's place- just two blocks away, make a right turn, find the window with the bright pink Hello Kitty curtains and that's her, he says. He's currently studying law (at this Hyunseung chokes on a mouthful of tomato sauce) at the university nearby.
We're worlds apart then, Hyunseung says, stabbing his spaghetti and Kikwang laughs again. Hyunseung doesn't like the way Kikwang laughs. It makes him uncomfortable, like there's an octopus crawling its way up his arms, writhing under his skin, like the octopus is on fire, shifting its heat up his neck and onto his face.
There's only one world, Mr. Neighbor, unless you mean to tell me you know of other worlds and exist in them too.
You never know.
Then tell me what these worlds are like, I'll go there and find you!
When the falling happens, Hyunseung isn't too surprised.
He saw it coming, the moment they started staying over at each other's apartments for too long. At first it was just a friendly visit, to drop by and say 'hello' (initiated by Kikwang as always), but after a while the sound of knuckles kissing their doors became all too familiar and frequent. They invented secret passwords (knock thrice, sing a song, knock once more, or whisper 'pasta' into the keyhole) and slid notes under the door. Notes that wrote irrelevant things like song lyrics and the occasional legal jargon from Kikwang (resulting in less-than-polite replies, sometimes with the f-word involved).
On Wednesday evenings, Hyunseung would buy snacks to share with Kikwang. Why Wednesday? No reason, Hyunseung shrugs. Kikwang tells Hyunseung that it's because Wednesday is right in the middle of the weekdays, sandwiched between Tuesday and Thursday in a perfectly comfortable position.
After those Wednesday evening snacks, Hyunseung would watch Kikwang leave with half-lidded eyes and 'good bam' spoken through yawns. Then he would reach over for his phone and text Kikwang 'good night big baby' right before Kikwang reaches his own doorstep (Hyunseung counts). He would chuckle when he could hear the loud dragging of feet next door, and then wait for his phone to ring. (Kikwang likes to call him instead of messaging him, not that Hyunseung minds.)
Kikwang would mumble incoherently, messing up his words and tripping over syllables and Hyunseung would just laugh on the other end of the line, imagining the curl of his body in bed, his crescent eyes sliding shut. Even though it is night, he can see that sun-bright smile in his mind.
So when Hyunseung's colleague, Yong Junhyung throws a book at the space above Hyunseung's head in the bookstore one day and tells him to 'stop acting like a lovesick fool goddammit', he realises what is happening to him.
"The falling," Hyunseung whispers, entranced, his feet frozen to the ground and Junhyung backs away with fear. "It has happened."
"What the fuck does that mean." The taller boy rolls his eyes, picking up the book from behind Hyunseung.
Hyunseung doesn't say anything, just floats away to the cashier counter to daydream.
When he says 'falling', he means 'in love'.
That evening he goes up to Kikwang's door and knocks thrice, sings a random song, knocks again, and the door swings open to a grinning Kikwang.
"Hey, Mr. Neighbor," The shorter boy says and steps aside for Hyunseung to enter. And Hyunseung realises something, Kikwang still doesn't know his name despite the many opportunities he's had to find out (untouched letters on the coffee table, notebooks in his bedroom) when he goes over next door.
"I can tell you my name now, if you want." Hyunseung starts, stepping into Kikwang's house. "It's Jang-"
"Shh." Kikwang raises a hand right in front of Hyunseung's face. "It's ok, I don't need to know."
But what if I want to tell you that I might really, really, really like you? Maybe even love you?
So Hyunseung stutters, "Uh, um, so you're fine with calling me Mr. Neighbor... forever?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because it makes me feel like we're strangers?"
"But that's the beauty of it," Kikwang pushes Hyunseung by the shoulders and leads him to his favourite place on the couch. "It appears as if we're strangers, but we're actually not, we're more than just that!"
"So... what does that mean?" Hyunseung frowns, nervous teeth catching his lower lip as he watches Kikwang settle down next to him- is the couch getting smaller or is it just him?
"It means we're comfortable with each other, and names don't really matter when that happens. You can call me Neighbor too if you want."
"Can I call you Love then?"
"You two are a match made in hell."
That's the first thing Junhyung says to Hyunseung and Kikwang when they enter the bookstore holding hands, fingers locked.
Hyunseung shrugs and Kikwang blinks before smiling warmly, "Why, thank you!" and Junhyung gapes at the unexpected response while Hyunseung explodes into laughter.
"I take that as a 'yes you two are perfect for each other', Junhyung-ah."
"Get to work, you lucky bastard."
The days grow heavier and thicker with emotion like the mold on Hyunseung's half-eaten bread in the corner of Kikwang's kitchen counter, as the evenings become filled with whispers, laughter and moans. The moon smooths over the night sky when Kikwang's teeth glide over Hyunseung's pale neck.
They don't call each other's names, they say 'love' instead.
"It's a term that should be used more freely," Kikwang breathes into Hyunseung's ear. "If people say 'fuck' everyday, they should try saying 'love' instead."
Hyunseung nods wordlessly, leaning into Kikwang's warm back. "Love is a word with weight, you have to be careful with it though," he says.
"That's why we have so many different muscles in our tongues, to bear that weight when we want to say it."
Kikwang smiles into Hyunseung's wet chest.
I think of us in distances, Hyunseung tells Kikwang that evening from behind his door. I count the number of footsteps it takes to get to you, and I like the fact that we don't call each other by name anymore, it creates a distance, but when you call me 'love', it brings us closer than ever.
I like this distance, Kikwang tells Hyunseung one morning over the phone, I don't know why, but I like knowing that even if you're far away from me or I'm gone, we'll still think of each other often, and we don't think of each other by name, we think of each other as love.
"Are you going back next door?" Hyunseung asks Kikwang, watching him rub sleep from his eyes the next morning.
"Yes, so that I can lie in my bed and miss you."
And I'll do the same.
kiseung (kikwang/hyunseung/kikwang), pg-13, goosebump-inducing unbeta'd
i was bored and i miss this weird otp QAQ
When Hyunseung finds himself saying "It's nice to see you leave again" to the blurring figure at his door, his eyes turn into sliding seas of longing and ache and heartbreak. He watches the door swing and click shut (thank you for saying goodbye for us, door).
Before he can begin wallowing in self-pity over hard liquor and junk food, a sharp screech slices through the air, followed by loud shuffling and Hyunseung cringes, the gentle curves of his face twisting into rage. Who the fuck dares to interrupt Jang Hyunseung when he's not in the best of moods (trying to sew his heart back again) ? Clicking his tongue in annoyance, he strides over to the door and throws it open, his mouth ready as a loaded gun to attack the source of that noise-
A boy with painfully widened eyes stands near his door, his upper body pressing against what looks to be a glass dining table. Hyunseung stares at him (and he stares back) until the boy jumps to his feet and puts on a big, big smile, his hands smoothing down the creases on his oversized sweater.
"Hello! I'm your new neighbor, Lee Kikwang," He says, voice bubbling over with enthusiasm. Lee Kikwang waves and Hyunseung thinks he smells like trouble. "What's your name, neighbor?"
Hyunseung blinks and drags his fingers through his own hair.
"Guess."
Lee Kikwang's smile melts into a frown almost immediately (Hyunseung suppresses a chuckle) and he responds, smiling even harder and baring even more teeth if possible, "If you don't want me to know your name, it's alright, I'll just call you 'mr. neighbor' then!"
"Right."
"Hey Mr. Neighbor, could you give me a hand here? I can't get my table past my door... How about it? I'll be really thankful if you helped me!"
Hyunseung opens his mouth to say "how about no" to those hopeful eyes and cute teeth (wait, cute?) but Lee Kikwang's fingers wrap around his forearm and yanks his body forward from behind the door. Hyunseung nearly lands on his face and he wonders just what the hell does this kid eat to get that kind of strength.
He helps Kikwang place his glass table in the dining room after much pain and breathy curses (he really hasn't gotten much exercise lately) and before he can leave, those fingers catch him again and he ends up helping to shift the fridge in place. "Thank you so much, Mr. Neighbor!" Kikwang opens the fridge as soon as it's shifted, and hands Hyunseung a can of soda.
Ripping the tab from the can, Hyunseung downs the cool liquid and only replies with a low hum.
Later on, Hyunseung ends up cleaning dusty vacant rooms and checking the electricity and moving the couch and looking under the bed, all at Kikwang's request. He would have said 'no' if not for that grin and the promise of free drinks and maybe a nice dinner afterwards.
"Why am I doing this for you?" Hyunseung sighs when everything is in place and the apartment looks comfortable, like home. "I don't even know you."
"Because you're a lovely neighbor, and you do know me!"
"I don't."
"I gave you my name and you're in my house right now."
"That doesn't count."
"We'll talk over dinner and we'll get to know each other better, don't worry!"
But I don't want to know you any better, and I don't want to open up to a stranger like you, Hyunseung thinks.
Kikwang thinks otherwise as he prepares dinner (we're having pasta, he calls out to Hyunseung who has got one foot out the door) and the taller boy can only sit at the dining table and wait. He leaves his fingerprints all over the glass while he's at it, wondering if Kikwang would notice the faint smudges.
Hyunseung's apartment is just less than five footsteps away from Kikwang's.
Hyunseung works at a bookstore, arranging volumes of text and helping customers look for books that they want. You must be really good at finding things quickly then, Mr. Neighbor, Kikwang laughs and Hyunseung's mouth only twitches (good at finding trouble, you mean). Why don't you just say I'm really boring, Lee Kikwang.
Kikwang moved in next door to be nearer to his mother's place- just two blocks away, make a right turn, find the window with the bright pink Hello Kitty curtains and that's her, he says. He's currently studying law (at this Hyunseung chokes on a mouthful of tomato sauce) at the university nearby.
We're worlds apart then, Hyunseung says, stabbing his spaghetti and Kikwang laughs again. Hyunseung doesn't like the way Kikwang laughs. It makes him uncomfortable, like there's an octopus crawling its way up his arms, writhing under his skin, like the octopus is on fire, shifting its heat up his neck and onto his face.
There's only one world, Mr. Neighbor, unless you mean to tell me you know of other worlds and exist in them too.
You never know.
Then tell me what these worlds are like, I'll go there and find you!
When the falling happens, Hyunseung isn't too surprised.
He saw it coming, the moment they started staying over at each other's apartments for too long. At first it was just a friendly visit, to drop by and say 'hello' (initiated by Kikwang as always), but after a while the sound of knuckles kissing their doors became all too familiar and frequent. They invented secret passwords (knock thrice, sing a song, knock once more, or whisper 'pasta' into the keyhole) and slid notes under the door. Notes that wrote irrelevant things like song lyrics and the occasional legal jargon from Kikwang (resulting in less-than-polite replies, sometimes with the f-word involved).
On Wednesday evenings, Hyunseung would buy snacks to share with Kikwang. Why Wednesday? No reason, Hyunseung shrugs. Kikwang tells Hyunseung that it's because Wednesday is right in the middle of the weekdays, sandwiched between Tuesday and Thursday in a perfectly comfortable position.
After those Wednesday evening snacks, Hyunseung would watch Kikwang leave with half-lidded eyes and 'good bam' spoken through yawns. Then he would reach over for his phone and text Kikwang 'good night big baby' right before Kikwang reaches his own doorstep (Hyunseung counts). He would chuckle when he could hear the loud dragging of feet next door, and then wait for his phone to ring. (Kikwang likes to call him instead of messaging him, not that Hyunseung minds.)
Kikwang would mumble incoherently, messing up his words and tripping over syllables and Hyunseung would just laugh on the other end of the line, imagining the curl of his body in bed, his crescent eyes sliding shut. Even though it is night, he can see that sun-bright smile in his mind.
So when Hyunseung's colleague, Yong Junhyung throws a book at the space above Hyunseung's head in the bookstore one day and tells him to 'stop acting like a lovesick fool goddammit', he realises what is happening to him.
"The falling," Hyunseung whispers, entranced, his feet frozen to the ground and Junhyung backs away with fear. "It has happened."
"What the fuck does that mean." The taller boy rolls his eyes, picking up the book from behind Hyunseung.
Hyunseung doesn't say anything, just floats away to the cashier counter to daydream.
When he says 'falling', he means 'in love'.
That evening he goes up to Kikwang's door and knocks thrice, sings a random song, knocks again, and the door swings open to a grinning Kikwang.
"Hey, Mr. Neighbor," The shorter boy says and steps aside for Hyunseung to enter. And Hyunseung realises something, Kikwang still doesn't know his name despite the many opportunities he's had to find out (untouched letters on the coffee table, notebooks in his bedroom) when he goes over next door.
"I can tell you my name now, if you want." Hyunseung starts, stepping into Kikwang's house. "It's Jang-"
"Shh." Kikwang raises a hand right in front of Hyunseung's face. "It's ok, I don't need to know."
But what if I want to tell you that I might really, really, really like you? Maybe even love you?
So Hyunseung stutters, "Uh, um, so you're fine with calling me Mr. Neighbor... forever?"
"Yeah, why not?"
"Because it makes me feel like we're strangers?"
"But that's the beauty of it," Kikwang pushes Hyunseung by the shoulders and leads him to his favourite place on the couch. "It appears as if we're strangers, but we're actually not, we're more than just that!"
"So... what does that mean?" Hyunseung frowns, nervous teeth catching his lower lip as he watches Kikwang settle down next to him- is the couch getting smaller or is it just him?
"It means we're comfortable with each other, and names don't really matter when that happens. You can call me Neighbor too if you want."
"Can I call you Love then?"
"You two are a match made in hell."
That's the first thing Junhyung says to Hyunseung and Kikwang when they enter the bookstore holding hands, fingers locked.
Hyunseung shrugs and Kikwang blinks before smiling warmly, "Why, thank you!" and Junhyung gapes at the unexpected response while Hyunseung explodes into laughter.
"I take that as a 'yes you two are perfect for each other', Junhyung-ah."
"Get to work, you lucky bastard."
The days grow heavier and thicker with emotion like the mold on Hyunseung's half-eaten bread in the corner of Kikwang's kitchen counter, as the evenings become filled with whispers, laughter and moans. The moon smooths over the night sky when Kikwang's teeth glide over Hyunseung's pale neck.
They don't call each other's names, they say 'love' instead.
"It's a term that should be used more freely," Kikwang breathes into Hyunseung's ear. "If people say 'fuck' everyday, they should try saying 'love' instead."
Hyunseung nods wordlessly, leaning into Kikwang's warm back. "Love is a word with weight, you have to be careful with it though," he says.
"That's why we have so many different muscles in our tongues, to bear that weight when we want to say it."
Kikwang smiles into Hyunseung's wet chest.
I think of us in distances, Hyunseung tells Kikwang that evening from behind his door. I count the number of footsteps it takes to get to you, and I like the fact that we don't call each other by name anymore, it creates a distance, but when you call me 'love', it brings us closer than ever.
I like this distance, Kikwang tells Hyunseung one morning over the phone, I don't know why, but I like knowing that even if you're far away from me or I'm gone, we'll still think of each other often, and we don't think of each other by name, we think of each other as love.
"Are you going back next door?" Hyunseung asks Kikwang, watching him rub sleep from his eyes the next morning.
"Yes, so that I can lie in my bed and miss you."
And I'll do the same.