Fanfic: Shattered Glass - Chapter 5: Acceptance
Fanfic masterpost
Chapter 4: Depression
Chapter 5: Acceptance
The following morning, Derek took his place at the wheel of one of the black SUVs and watched in the rearview mirror as Spencer climbed into the backseat of the other one. He drove to the airport in silence, leaving all the talking to Rossi and Seaver.
On the jet, he passed by the seat were Spencer was trying to get comfortable adjusting a pillow behind his neck at the right angle, and went to sit in the back, away from him. If being left alone was what Spencer needed, it was just what Derek was going to do. He owed him as much: he had a right of trying and getting his life back together.
Maybe it would be better for him too. Maybe, with time, they could be friends again - just friends. Or maybe, as Garcia had suggested in a fit of panic, one of them would leave the BAU and transfer to the other side of the country and they would never hear from each other again.
“Always the drama queen,” Derek had commented with an amused smile. Garcia had slapped him on the arm.
Going through the playlists of his iPod, Derek decided he was going to go see Garcia when they landed. A night out with his friend was what he needed. He hoped she didn’t have any plans with Kevin.
Finally having picked ‘Unnamed mix #3’, Derek pressed play and stretched out his legs. When he saw Spencer getting up, he thought he would go to the toilet, or maybe to ask Seaver to play cards with him. Instead, he went to sit down in front of Derek.
“Feeling better?” Derek asked after taking his earplugs off. It wasn’t going to earn him any best conversation starter award, but it was all he could think about.
Spencer seemed grateful at the question, as if he hadn’t known what to say himself. “Yeah, headache’s gone. I even managed to sleep seven full hours.”
“Wow, that must be some sort of record in the FBI,” Derek joked. “Don’t let Strauss know, she may take away your badge.”
Spencer smiled at that. “I won’t.”
After that easy exchange, silence fell between them. Spencer looked down at his shoes, then back at Derek. “I wanted to thank you for last night. You didn’t have to do it, but you did. I’m sorry I kicked you out like that, it’s just… hard, you know?”
“Yeah, I do know. Every time I see you I wish things were different.”
Spencer nodded. “Me too.” He took a deep breath. “Do you think-do you think it’s too late for us? That we are really over?”
“I don’t know. I hope not, but I don’t see where we can go from here.” Derek leaned forward. “I was angry that day, but what I said was the truth: you didn’t trust me enough to tell me you were scared out of your mind that you could have it.”
“I think… I think I was trying to protect you. I know how hard it is for my mum, but I also know how hard it is for me. I don’t want you to go through what I did.” Spencer took a deep breath. “And at the same time I was afraid you would leave if you knew. Because that’s what my father did eventually, because that’s what everyone does.”
Derek reached out and took Spencer’s hand in his. “I wouldn’t have left.”
“But you did. Not because of that, but you did.”
“Yeah, I guess I did.” Derek looked out of the window for a moment, then back at Spencer. “But I’m still here, if you need me. If you want to talk.”
Spencer hesitated. He looked at their hands. “What if I want us to try and fix things?” he said in a whisper, afraid of the answer. “We’ve been together almost three years, Derek. We can’t give up so easily.”
When did Spencer grow up?, Derek wondered. When they’d first met his social skills were practically non-existent and when they’d gotten together he’d admitted to having no experience in relationships. And yet here he was, asking him not to throw away a three-year-relationship for one fight.
He was right, of course. They owed it to themselves to at least try.
“Tell you what,” he said. “Why don’t you come to my place tonight? We can talk and figure things out. What do you say?”
“Sounds good. I’ll bring something to eat. Indian or Italian?”
“Up to you. You know I like both.”
Derek let go of his hand and leaned back against the seat. Spencer relaxed back himself, then straightened back up and looked nervously at Derek. “Do you mind if I stay here?”
“Of course not.”
Chapter 6: Strategy
Chapter 4: Depression
Chapter 5: Acceptance
The following morning, Derek took his place at the wheel of one of the black SUVs and watched in the rearview mirror as Spencer climbed into the backseat of the other one. He drove to the airport in silence, leaving all the talking to Rossi and Seaver.
On the jet, he passed by the seat were Spencer was trying to get comfortable adjusting a pillow behind his neck at the right angle, and went to sit in the back, away from him. If being left alone was what Spencer needed, it was just what Derek was going to do. He owed him as much: he had a right of trying and getting his life back together.
Maybe it would be better for him too. Maybe, with time, they could be friends again - just friends. Or maybe, as Garcia had suggested in a fit of panic, one of them would leave the BAU and transfer to the other side of the country and they would never hear from each other again.
“Always the drama queen,” Derek had commented with an amused smile. Garcia had slapped him on the arm.
Going through the playlists of his iPod, Derek decided he was going to go see Garcia when they landed. A night out with his friend was what he needed. He hoped she didn’t have any plans with Kevin.
Finally having picked ‘Unnamed mix #3’, Derek pressed play and stretched out his legs. When he saw Spencer getting up, he thought he would go to the toilet, or maybe to ask Seaver to play cards with him. Instead, he went to sit down in front of Derek.
“Feeling better?” Derek asked after taking his earplugs off. It wasn’t going to earn him any best conversation starter award, but it was all he could think about.
Spencer seemed grateful at the question, as if he hadn’t known what to say himself. “Yeah, headache’s gone. I even managed to sleep seven full hours.”
“Wow, that must be some sort of record in the FBI,” Derek joked. “Don’t let Strauss know, she may take away your badge.”
Spencer smiled at that. “I won’t.”
After that easy exchange, silence fell between them. Spencer looked down at his shoes, then back at Derek. “I wanted to thank you for last night. You didn’t have to do it, but you did. I’m sorry I kicked you out like that, it’s just… hard, you know?”
“Yeah, I do know. Every time I see you I wish things were different.”
Spencer nodded. “Me too.” He took a deep breath. “Do you think-do you think it’s too late for us? That we are really over?”
“I don’t know. I hope not, but I don’t see where we can go from here.” Derek leaned forward. “I was angry that day, but what I said was the truth: you didn’t trust me enough to tell me you were scared out of your mind that you could have it.”
“I think… I think I was trying to protect you. I know how hard it is for my mum, but I also know how hard it is for me. I don’t want you to go through what I did.” Spencer took a deep breath. “And at the same time I was afraid you would leave if you knew. Because that’s what my father did eventually, because that’s what everyone does.”
Derek reached out and took Spencer’s hand in his. “I wouldn’t have left.”
“But you did. Not because of that, but you did.”
“Yeah, I guess I did.” Derek looked out of the window for a moment, then back at Spencer. “But I’m still here, if you need me. If you want to talk.”
Spencer hesitated. He looked at their hands. “What if I want us to try and fix things?” he said in a whisper, afraid of the answer. “We’ve been together almost three years, Derek. We can’t give up so easily.”
When did Spencer grow up?, Derek wondered. When they’d first met his social skills were practically non-existent and when they’d gotten together he’d admitted to having no experience in relationships. And yet here he was, asking him not to throw away a three-year-relationship for one fight.
He was right, of course. They owed it to themselves to at least try.
“Tell you what,” he said. “Why don’t you come to my place tonight? We can talk and figure things out. What do you say?”
“Sounds good. I’ll bring something to eat. Indian or Italian?”
“Up to you. You know I like both.”
Derek let go of his hand and leaned back against the seat. Spencer relaxed back himself, then straightened back up and looked nervously at Derek. “Do you mind if I stay here?”
“Of course not.”
Chapter 6: Strategy