just_heidi: I didn't lose my mind; it was mine to give away (Bellatrix, R)
Title: I didn't lose my mind; it was mine to give away.
Author: just_heidi
Rating: Soft R.
Prompt Set: 50.1(The Slytherins)
Prompt: Nr. 30 - Regret
Word Count: 722 words.
Summary: Bellatrix looks back at her life.
Warnings: Sexual content, AU
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these character, nor do I make any money from it.
Notes: This was written before DH, so Bellas faith is a bit different, hence the AU.
I didn’t lose my mind; it was mine to give away.
Bellatrix woke suddenly from a bad dream. Yet another dream she couldn’t remember, but they always gave her, a very bad start to her mornings.
When she turned around in the bed, she spotted him at the other end of the room. He was sitting up against the wall, his arms resting on the knees of his bent legs.
“What are you doing here?” her voice a little raspy, since she just had woken up.
“Is that a proper welcome to give your favourite cousin.” he said, while lazily scratching his stubbled chin.
“Favourite cousin!? Don’t make me laugh, Sirius.” she almost spat when she said his name.
He looked into her eyes for a long time, with one eyebrow raised, which gave him this smug expression, as if he knew a secret she wasn’t let in on.
The silence was beginning to make Bellatrix uncomfortable. But then very slowly he began to talk, as if he was trying to remember something long forgotten. “But…there was a time…a time where you thought I held all the answers to life questions. You used to follow me around, making me promise that we would always be together, the best friends.”
“I must have been very young then.” she said with an indifferent wave of her hand.
“That was before….”
“Before what!?” she was starting to get annoyed with his dreamy mood.
He looked her straight in her eyes. “Before you got so swallowed up by your beliefs, so you couldn’t find pleasure in anything else.”
She laughed arrogantly at him. “Since when did you have an understanding for the workings of the mind, an understanding for passion and true loyalty? You where and are just a child, who could never see beyond his own selfish behaviour.”
“Is that why you chose Rodolphus, because he was all man?” he smirked at her.
Her face softened a bit at the mention of his name. She stretched, leaning back into the bed, with a wicked smile on her lips.
“Rodolphus…even as a child he was strong and fierce…the feeling of his sheer joy when we fought together…we where always high on adrenalin when we came home after a kill…he always got rough on those nights…fucking me into the madras…” a small moan escaped her lips when the memory washed over her.
She looked up at Sirius, who where wearing that smug expression again.
“But enough about that.” she sneered at him.
“But wasn’t there another contestant for your affection?”
“How dare you mention The Dark Lord, you filthy blood traitor!” she said through gritted teeth.
But before she could hear his answer, her mind was filled with images of Sirius falling into a mysterious veil, with a mixture of fear and surprise on his face.
Her eyes snapped open, wide with confusion. “You…I…”
“What?”
She closed her eyes, trying to understand the vision, but her mind couldn’t hold on to what the memory meant. “Nothing.” she answered Sirius.
An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room. She opened her eyes to se why Sirius suddenly was so quit. He looked like a little boy who where about to do something bad and loving it. “What!” she snapped.
“You talked about Voldemort before.”
She jumped of the bed, her hands balled into fists. “You use The Dark Lord’s name! You should be shivering in fear by the mere thought of him. He is pure power. The ultimate leader. You should be down on your knees for the radiant magic he possesses. Whenever I stood before him and his gaze fell upon me, I would swell with pride, knowing that I was one of his chosen ones. That I was special to him.” her voice breaking with the last thing she said. She sat down slowly on the bed, eyes glistening with tears.
“But what about now? After all that’s happened, all you have done. Do you wish you could take any of it back?”
She raised her head slowly looking at him, a confident smile on her lips, and with a calm and sure voice she said: “No regrets.”
She laid back into the bed, pulling the covers over herself. Trying to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep, in her empty and cold Azkaban prison Celle.
Author: just_heidi
Rating: Soft R.
Prompt Set: 50.1(The Slytherins)
Prompt: Nr. 30 - Regret
Word Count: 722 words.
Summary: Bellatrix looks back at her life.
Warnings: Sexual content, AU
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these character, nor do I make any money from it.
Notes: This was written before DH, so Bellas faith is a bit different, hence the AU.
I didn’t lose my mind; it was mine to give away.
Bellatrix woke suddenly from a bad dream. Yet another dream she couldn’t remember, but they always gave her, a very bad start to her mornings.
When she turned around in the bed, she spotted him at the other end of the room. He was sitting up against the wall, his arms resting on the knees of his bent legs.
“What are you doing here?” her voice a little raspy, since she just had woken up.
“Is that a proper welcome to give your favourite cousin.” he said, while lazily scratching his stubbled chin.
“Favourite cousin!? Don’t make me laugh, Sirius.” she almost spat when she said his name.
He looked into her eyes for a long time, with one eyebrow raised, which gave him this smug expression, as if he knew a secret she wasn’t let in on.
The silence was beginning to make Bellatrix uncomfortable. But then very slowly he began to talk, as if he was trying to remember something long forgotten. “But…there was a time…a time where you thought I held all the answers to life questions. You used to follow me around, making me promise that we would always be together, the best friends.”
“I must have been very young then.” she said with an indifferent wave of her hand.
“That was before….”
“Before what!?” she was starting to get annoyed with his dreamy mood.
He looked her straight in her eyes. “Before you got so swallowed up by your beliefs, so you couldn’t find pleasure in anything else.”
She laughed arrogantly at him. “Since when did you have an understanding for the workings of the mind, an understanding for passion and true loyalty? You where and are just a child, who could never see beyond his own selfish behaviour.”
“Is that why you chose Rodolphus, because he was all man?” he smirked at her.
Her face softened a bit at the mention of his name. She stretched, leaning back into the bed, with a wicked smile on her lips.
“Rodolphus…even as a child he was strong and fierce…the feeling of his sheer joy when we fought together…we where always high on adrenalin when we came home after a kill…he always got rough on those nights…fucking me into the madras…” a small moan escaped her lips when the memory washed over her.
She looked up at Sirius, who where wearing that smug expression again.
“But enough about that.” she sneered at him.
“But wasn’t there another contestant for your affection?”
“How dare you mention The Dark Lord, you filthy blood traitor!” she said through gritted teeth.
But before she could hear his answer, her mind was filled with images of Sirius falling into a mysterious veil, with a mixture of fear and surprise on his face.
Her eyes snapped open, wide with confusion. “You…I…”
“What?”
She closed her eyes, trying to understand the vision, but her mind couldn’t hold on to what the memory meant. “Nothing.” she answered Sirius.
An uncomfortable silence fell upon the room. She opened her eyes to se why Sirius suddenly was so quit. He looked like a little boy who where about to do something bad and loving it. “What!” she snapped.
“You talked about Voldemort before.”
She jumped of the bed, her hands balled into fists. “You use The Dark Lord’s name! You should be shivering in fear by the mere thought of him. He is pure power. The ultimate leader. You should be down on your knees for the radiant magic he possesses. Whenever I stood before him and his gaze fell upon me, I would swell with pride, knowing that I was one of his chosen ones. That I was special to him.” her voice breaking with the last thing she said. She sat down slowly on the bed, eyes glistening with tears.
“But what about now? After all that’s happened, all you have done. Do you wish you could take any of it back?”
She raised her head slowly looking at him, a confident smile on her lips, and with a calm and sure voice she said: “No regrets.”
She laid back into the bed, pulling the covers over herself. Trying to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep, in her empty and cold Azkaban prison Celle.