Ukiyo - Chapter Five
~ * Five * ~
The first thing Arthur noticed tonight, even before the freezing cold or the light rain on his face, was Kiku standing in front of him.
The kitsune scowled, ever so slightly.
"I tire of you, Commander Kirkland."
He spoke softly, but the ice in his voice was a blow so strong it made Arthur step back. He found his foot crunching down into snow. He didn't know what to think about first, but settled on looking back up at Kiku.
"I'm so sorry, Kiku-san. Have I done something to offend you?"
He hoped to God that the kitsune had not heard anything about Alfred's desire to escape. He wasn't sure exactly what powers the fox spirit held, but if he was strong enough to keep Alfred stuck in Yoshiwara against his will, then he was formidable, and Arthur had to tread carefully. Lie, if need be. He hated to be dishonest, and felt that when he was in the right against evil he should stand tall against it. But getting Alfred out safe and happy was more important than his honour right now.
"I do not trust you," Kiku stated, just as calmly and venomously as before, face as blank as the snow underfoot.
Arthur was startled, and didn't know whether to bow, apologise, or keep quiet. After all, Kiku was wise and clever, so he was right to be suspicious of someone who was actually trying to steal Alfred away from him.
Arthur suddenly wondered if the kitsune had Alfred locked away somewheretonight. He didn't know how to approach the topic without causing offense and perhaps incurring the wrath of a dangerous fox spirit, but luckily they were interrupted.
"Arthur!"
Arthur spun around at the sound of Alfred's voice calling out to him in the night. he finally saw him, holding up the hem of his kimono above the snow as he ran across it towards them, long hair flying behind him like the tail of a shooting star in the dark.
Alfred reached Arthur's side and grabbed his sleeve out of some natural instinct. He pulled his hand back as if he'd been burned, and couldn't take his wide blue eyes off Arthur.
Finally, Alfred turned to Kiku, trying to regain his composure. "Arthur is doing nothing to harm you, Kiku," he practically growled.
Neither of them spoke for a while, but Kiku's thin, midnight black eyebrows drew together, as tey stared each other down across the pure white snow. Finally, Kiku nodded, and then he turned away and disappeared into the space between the low wooden buildings around the theatre. He didn't make a sound as he walked across the snow.
"Alfred?" Arthur murmured gently, touching the man's shoulder.
Alfred was suddenly whirling round on him, fear and horror and all manner of strange emotions in his eyes. Arthur didn't know what he'd done wrong.
"You're back. Why...?" Alfred asked, voice choking.
"Of course I'm back! Did you expect me to leave?" Arthur began to smile, stunned that Alfred could think he would have regretted last night and run away, never to return.
He was about to call Alfred silly and say that he'd always be here...but the words died in his throat as a deatly painful realisation settled on him.
Perhaps Alfred had not expected him to return becuase he did not want him to come back after last night. He was a kagema, a male prostitute. Maybe he was just playing with Arthur, and Arthur was the fool for having believed it...
"I...I'm sorry," Arthur whispered, throat searing in pain as if begging him to scream in despair. "I thought...I...It seems I...made a mistake. I didn't..."
His search for words was interrupted when he was suddenly tugged harshly into Alfred's arms, wrapped tightly in his embrace and hidden safely amongst the many layers of his winter kimono.
"I love you! I'm sorry, I was the one who made a mistake. I underestimated you. I'm so sorry, I should have known...I should have known you were more than that, Arthur."
And Alfred was laughing, sincerely, body shaking even as Arthur heard him sniffing back tears. He couldn't figure out where his arms would fit amongst the heavy maze of folds of Alfred's clothes, so he settled for bringing his arms up and running his hands up through the hair on Alfred's scalp, smiling patiently as Alfred calmed down.
"Let's go for a walk this evening," said Alfred, pulling back from Arthur and offering him a warm, slightly tear-stained smile. Arthur nodded, smiling back, trying to brighten Alfred's heart with the assurance that he was here for him. If Alfred had thought he would leave after last night, Arthur obviously hadn't proved himself yet.
Alfred quickly grabbed an umbrella from the foyer of a nearby building and the two of them set off down the bridge towards the main area of Yoshiwara.
"Alfred...Why is it snowing?" asked Arthur after a while of calming silence. "It's the middle of August."
He felt Alfred tense from where their arms were linked together, walking close and sharing the umbrella against the rain. And seeing Alfred go rigid, and his face turn stony, made Arthur scared. What was Alfred hiding from him?
"And why...why is the moon still full?" he asked, the questions tumbling out now. "It shouldn't be so low on the horizon at the same time of night, every day in a single week, should it? And the flowers. How did the sakura disappear overnight and not even leave any blossoms on the ground?"
Alfred sighed, and tugged Arthur's arm, halting his footsteps. Arthur turned to face him, and his heart hammered hard and fast in his chest at the sight of Alfred's face. He knew that whatever he said next would not be easy to hear.
"Arthur...do you remember how you got here?"
"I came on the HMS Albion, from England," Arthur said, confused as to why Alfred was asking that now. It was perfectly obvious.
"I meant tonight," Alfred ammended. "How did you get here?" He spoke slowly, carefully, as if worried the slightest change in his voice would drive Arthur to madness.
"I'm staying in the main city of Edo with my superiors," Arthur explained, bemused once again. "I came here tonight by myself, on a horse. I left her at the front gate."
"Do you remember it, though?" asked Alfred. His gaze roamed from Arthur to the frozen lake, to the snow-covered bridge and back up again. As if he were too scared to look at Arthur for long. "Do you remember the ride? The feel of the horse underneath, the lights of the town around you? Do you remember what you saw along the way? Did you talk to anyone?"
"I remember the route," said Arthur slowly, picturing it in his head.
"But do you remember tonight, Arthur?" Alfred suddenly exclaimed, grabbing Arthur's arms and letting the umbrella fall onto the snow beside them. "Do you remember coming all the way, and going through the back gate of Yoshiwara, and walking across this bridge to the island, tonight?"
Arthur stared at him, and, finally, shook his head.
"Do you remember being with me last night? What happened afterwards?"
Arthur frowned, ignoring the way his heart was spinning, his mind was reeling, his body clenching and trembling in panic. He didn't want Alfred to be asking these questions, he didn't want to know why he couldn't answer.
But he had to shake his head in response.
He didn't remember what happened after they were together. He was in Alfred's arms, happy...then nothing. Now he was here.
"What about after meeting the kitsune in the tea house? Do you remember - ?"
"I don't remember any of it!!" Arthur shouted, wrenching his arms out of Alfred's grip, breath heaving as he stared at the broken snow around them and then back up at Alfred. "Alfred, what's happening to me?"
Alfred's face fell at the Englishman's outburst. He reached out and wrapped Arthur in his arms again, scooping up the umbrella on the way to shield them from the rain. He brought it down close to their heads, once again shutting out the rest of the world until it was just them, the umbrella, and nature.
"I love you, Arthur. Please don't be scared. It's all right, I promise. You won't come to any harm. You're safe," Alfred said soothingly, placing a gentle kiss on his lips to encourage him. Arthur nodded, and prepared himself for the worst. If Alfred was still here, then hopefully it couldn't be that bad.
"It's snowing because it's December, not August," said Alfred, gently. "The moon is full and red and it's always raining because that's the only time you can come here."
Arthur stared at him, and began to shake. "Y-you mean...that's the only time they open Yoshiwara?" he asked, though even as the words formed on his lips he didn't believe them.
Alfred shook his head slowly and looked Arthur in the eye. Arthur locked on to his gaze, hooking his green gaze with Alfred's blue, grounding earth and sky so he wouldn't drift away.
"You think we met five days ago. But it hasn't been five days. It's been five years."
Arthur was staring so fixedly at Alfred's eyes that he didn't see the other's mouth move as he spoke such terrible words. It made it easier to hear the them when he could forget where they were coming from.
"This has all happened before, Arthur. You came to Edo on the HMS Albion in 1862. You visited Yoshiwara to meet your officers, we met, we fell in love, you tried to help me escape...and you died protecting me. You died in my arms."
Arthur probably would have started shaking. He felt like there was bile ready to gag him and make him fall to the floor and retch. He wanted to go limp and collapse and let the rest of the world deal with this news instead of him.
But Alfred started crying. He scrunched his eyes shut, taking away the sky that kept Arthur steady, and clung to Arthur, gripping him like he was trying to meld their bodies together by sheer will alone. And Arthur knew he could remain calm and firm to support Alfred. He was obviously still hurting from this, and Arthur wasn't. Yes, it was...a lot to take in. But it felt right, it made sense. It was actually a bit of a relief - finding out something that helped him understand who and what he was. But Alfred didn't have that luxury. He had lost Arthur, he felt responsible, and he was crying, and Arthur could forget about his own problems for him right now.
"I'm so sorry, Arthur! It was all my fault! You died because of me! It would have been better if - "
"Don't you dare," Arthur interrupted quickly. "I know what you're thinking and don't say it. I will be the judge of what's best for me."
"But it's not this, Arthur! It's not this!" Alfred sobbed into his shoulder. Arthur could feel the tears even through the stiff layers of his naval uniform. Which, he suddenly remembered, was supposed to be navy blue, not white.
"Is this why I love you so much already?" he asked absent-mindedly, running his fingers through Alfred's ponytail as the other cried himself calm on Arthur's shoulder. "It's...it's felt strange just falling for you so quickly. I didn't know I could do that. But maybe it's just because I already remember my feelings from before."
Alfred laughed, a heart-wrenching, teary sound. "I'm afraid it was just the same the first time," his voice strained out. "You couldn't quite believe you were in love, with a Japanese-American kagema, no less. But we got there eventually."
Alfred's crying was soft and muffled now, as he chocked it back under control. Arthur wondered if he had cried much when...it happened. Alfred was too brave to let his sadness show around anyone else, of that he was certain. Maybe when he was alone at night, for the past 5 years, he would cry himself to sleep at night, keepig quiet so as not to let anyone know...
That was how Arthur could be calm about this now. Yes, it was a lot to hear. Too much to understand fully. But the knowledge that it still hurt Alfred, far more than it hurt him, made it easy to let go. He had to be there for Alfred now, not worry about something he couldn't change. If he really died protecting Alfred, then he was proud, and wouldn't alter a thing.
"It feels as if...a few missing pieces of a puzzle have been locked into place," Arthur said thoughtfully, stroking Alfed's neck, tenderly. "These past few days I've felt different, and I've noticed strange things. But I've carried on. And now I know the truth, I understand myself. I can see the whole picture."
"Do you remember what happened?" Alfred said quietly against his ear, voice hoarse.
"No."
"Meeting you was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me," Alfred whispered longingly, the tenderness in his words all the proof needed to show much he treasured the memory. "Falling in love with made me feel like a king. And at the end...you were a hero. You saved my life."
"I'm glad."
Alfred squeezed him tight then heaved a great breath and stepped way. His face was glistening with tears, make-up running down the corners of his ears leaving permanent red tear streaks. Arthur smiled at him, and rubbed at his face with his pure white sleeve to get the marks off.
"I didn't think I'd ever see you again after last time," whispered Alfred, reaching up to keep Arthur's hand against his cheek, and leaning into it. "Spirits like you...a yuurei...to aid them in moving on, you have to help them fulfill their purpose. Whatever emotion is binding you to earth must be satisfied. Mostly it's...consummating love with someone you left behind." He was blushing, and Arthur smiled fondly at him. "We never...we never made love the first time. We wanted to get out first, be together as free men. So I thought that if we were together now...you could move on and leave this damned place."
"Obviously I'm a bit of an exceptional spirit," said Arthur, and Alfred closed his eyes and smiled, still pressing his face into Arthur's palm.
"I should have know. Your purpose wasn't something physical. It was to set me free."
Arthur nodded. Even though all this information about being five-years dead was new to him, he could have told you in life what his purpose was. To help Alfred. So in death, naturally, that was why he was still here. He wouldn't 'move on' until Alfred had, too.
"Why...Why were you trying to help me move on?" he asked hesitantly. He almost let himself think for a moment that Alfred had grown tired of waiting around forlornly for a ghost every year. But...Alfred was more dedicated than that.
"In life, you helped me see what I wanted. I wanted to leave, I wanted to get out and explore and find where I belong. Somewhere I could be special for something more important than my hair. If I had anything of value in me..." Alfred explained. He finally lowered their hands from his face, but kept them clasped together in a tight, gentle grip, that warmed them against the late winter night.
"I was sure I belonged just wherever you were, but getting out was the key. It...didn't work the first time. Kiku found us. He was so angry at me for trying to escape, so jealous at the thought that anyone should have me but him...that he shot at me with an arrow of foxfire. But you leapt in the way.
"I was...broken. I couldn't even think about trying to leave anymore. Couldn't remember ever wanting anything. I lost my life just as you did. I was empty."
He looked lost at the mere memory, and Arthur felt ashamed that he had left Alfred alone like that. He squeezed their hands together and tugged.
"Come. Let's take that walk you offered me. You can tell me as we go."
Alfred nodded, glad of something to do to keep his body occupied as they talked of heavy things. They set off over the bridge towards main Yoshiwara, the rain making little circle patterns on the soft, powdery snow underfoot.
"Kiku was tired of me being so despondent," Alfred continued after a few moments of silence. "He kept offering me so many things to get me back to myself, but I didn't want anything but you. Eventually...he promised to bring you back. Not permanently, as he claimed not to have that power. But he promised that your spirit would walk again on rainy nights when the red moon was full on the horizon - just like the night you died. You can only stay from 2 until 3 in the morning. The witching hour. That's why you don't remember anything before our meetings, or anything afterwards. You go back to another realm. And you always reappear outside the last building you visited."
Arthur nodded, thinking back on the past five "days" (or rather "meetings" would be the better word) - and knowing all these details fit together, just as Alfred said. The night after going to the tea house, he had returned at 2 a.m., outside the tea house. The night after the kabuki play, he appeared outside the theatre. And it was always raining, always a bright red moon, big and round, hanging low over Edo.
"It was over a year before the conditions were met," Alfred carried on, gazing off into the gloomy distance as he saw only memories before him. "I thought you would appear at your grave...int he shrine behind the theatre. But you weren't there. So I went into Yoshiwara, and there you were. Standing in the same palce where I first saw you. I think that...you only become aware of yourself being here once someone else notices you. You just stand there waiting, and most people can't see you. But I can, and Kiku can. So you come alive when we acknowledge you."
Again, it made sense now that Arthur tought about it. That night it was raining hard and he'd just been standing there soaking wet when Alfred found him and he wondered why he hadn't bothered to find shelter...He hadn't even realised he existed until Alfred brought him to life.
"Anyway, I...I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe I could see you again, I felt so lucky! I was so excited. So relieved!" Alfred was genuinely smiling, even though they didn't get to be together now under the easiest terms. Arthur was still dead, everything was still had, Alfred was still alone. But just getting to see Arhtur again...Arthur was glad that one hour a year could still bring Alfred a little bit of light in the dark.
Alfred looked over at him and smiled, grasping his hand tightly.
"I know I acted so calm and serene, as I'd been trained to do. But by heaven, Arthur, my heart was racing around my entire body as if it had been doing a marathon! It was clear you didn't remember me, so I thought...I would try to act like last time. Maybe you'd remember. I certainly didn't want to scare you off by saying you were a spirit and that we were in love, so I just...acted natural. Or, as natural as I could. And the next few times, too, I tried to make it easy and smooth."
His smile dimmed, until it faded altogether, and Arthur realised they were in the shadow of the wall around Yoshiwara. They passed through the gate and Alfred led him up Naka-no-chou. The rain was heavy, and it was bitterly cold, so there were not as many people around as usual, cluttering the streets and lighting it up with their colourful clothes and voices. A few hung around outside the bars and tea houses and brothels, and couples of girls clad in winter kimono were hurrying about from one engagement to another. Still, Arthur knew there were plenty of merrymakers inside the buildings along the main street.
A group of men outside some pleasure establishment called out to Alfred, clearly inviting him over. They couldn't see Arthur at all. Alfed waved them with a few polite words in Japanese, and carried on walking with Arthur, linking their arms to feel like they were locked together, safe.
"Having you here...it breaks my heart, Arthur," Alfred said after a while. "I don't want to be without you...But I don't want you to be stuck here, either."
Arthur said nothing. He didn't know how to feel about it, either.
"Last time...I had come to a decision. Seeing you for an hour once a year...it was practically nothing, but it was enough for you to give me courage, to give me strength and confidence again. You made me remember that I wanted to get out of Edo. That I had to get out.
"But I knew I could never leave if you were still here. Even if I barely have any chance to see you, I could never let that opportunity go. So I had to help you move on, for both of our sakes. It was selfish of me to ask Kiku to bring your spirit back to Earth once a year, so it was my duty to set you free. I thought that...if we consummated our love you would be able to pass on. And once you were free, I could focus on getting out myself.
"I wasn't expecting you tonight, but there you were," Alfred smiled wistfully. "Proving that you are always even more incredible than I think you to be. You want to help me get out. That is the only way you can truly be at peace."
"Why was Kiku waiting for me outside the theatre if he thought I had moved on?" asked Arthur, eyebrows furrowed. That kitsune was trouble, quite evidently, and he was the only obstacle standing in Alfred's way.
"I didn't tell anyone that we had lain together," Alfred explained. "If Kiku thought that you were still visiting Yoshiwara, he wouldn't figure out that I was trying to plan my escape. He knew I would never leave Yoshiwara while your spirit was still here. So I let him think you were still bound to earth, and he'd never suspect me to run away."
Arthur nodded, marvelling at Alfred's acting skills. To lay with his lover, knowing it would could cause Arthur to disappear forever, and then act like nothing had happened...He must have been dying on the inside all over again, but he made Kiku believe nothing had changed.
"That's why you said you couldn't come with me when you escaped," he murmured, not really paying attention to what he was saying as his mind churned with thoughts of lonely Alfred in his head. "You thought that I wouldn't be able to come back after that."
Alfred nodded, and Arthur watched another stray tear roll down the American's cheek. He directed Alfred towards a barren looking building, and tugged him into the doorway. There, he took the umbrella from Alfred's grip and placed it on the ground beside them. Once their hands were free, he pulled Alfred into an embrace, breathing across his ear and neck and hair to bathe him in the love that he could feel keeping his heart alive.
"I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you, Alfred. My love," he whispered, tightening his arms around Alfred's chest. "I don't apolgise for saving your life, or for falling in love with you, but I'm sorry for leaving you alone and being the reason you have had to make such terrible decisions.
"I am still here. I can help you escape. To make up for all the trouble and sadness I've caused you, I can help. And even though it will be the end of me...again...that's what I want."
Alfred nodded, brushing his face against Arthur's hair and wrapping his arms tightly around the other's neck, bodies pressed against each other from head to toe. They didn't need to say it aloud to know they both wished they could have just stayed like that forever - together in a shabby doorway, hiding from the rain in the middle of a cold and horrible winter night. It was perfect, anyway, because they were together.
After several long minutes, that didn't go on long enough, they untangled themselves. Green eyes met blue, and they focused in, locking on to each other once again, finding strength and determination in the other's eyes.
"Tell me your plan," said Arthur.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So, yeah, Arthur was a spirit all along. SURPRISE! I know it's been done before, most notably by 'The Sixth Sense'. But all I can say for myself is that I didn't start thinking about this story with the INTENTION of copying that plot idea from other movies/books. I was planning my story, the whole AU, and then was like "Ooh! Arthur's been dead the whole time! That'll be so interesting!" It wasn't like "Let's see, I really like 'The Sixth Sense,' so I'm gonna make Arthur be dead the entire time and we don't realise it, because that was a great movie and I want to use that idea."
I have seriously put so much work into dropping clues and hints everywhere. I usually don't do continuity or forshadowing that well, but this time pretty much EVERY SENTENCE was foreshadowing!
Historical Notes
yuurei = a ghost. According to Japanese folklore (in my research) all humans have a spirit/soul called a reikon. When a person dies, their reikon leaves their body and waits in purgatory for the body to have a proper burial and funeral rites. However, under cerain circumstancs, a reikon can transform into a yuurei - a ghostly vesion of the dead human - and bridge thegap between the spiritual and physical worlds. Some reasons a reikon may become a yuurei: 1. If the funeral rites are not performed. 2. If the reikon was wrenched out of its body at a sudden or traumatic death (murder, suicide). 3. If the reikon is still affected by the human's powerful emotions of love, hate, jealousy or sorrow. Arthur became a yuurei because of the 2nd and 3rd reasons. He would definitely have come back to Earth for Alfred as a yuurei, so Alfred's request from Kiku to make it happen was unnecessary. However, now he blames himself for Arthur still being stuck on Earth. Yuurei are said to haunt particular people, so it is possible that Arthur could still follow Alfred out of Yoshiwara. However, because Kiku is the one who brought Arthur back as a ghost, his spirit is tied to that location, rather than Alfred. Kiku made sure that Arthur was stuck in Yoshiwara, so that Alfred would be stuck there, too.
the witching hour = 2 - 3 a.m. in Japanese folklore. This is when the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead are thinnest. It's the most common time for yuurei to appear.
Arthur's uniform = it's been mentioned several times that Arthur is wearing a white uniform this whole time. However, a Royal Navy Commander's uniform at this point in time should have a navy blue jacket. Ghosts in Japan wear all white clothes, so Arthur's uniform has become pure white after his death.
consummating love with a yuurei = This is, indeed, said to be one way of helping a spirit move on. If they left behind a lover, and that love is keeping them tied to earth, sex can be a way of releasing them. Poor Alfred had to make love with Arthur for what he thought was the first and last time, just to help Arthur die. Sad....
fulfilling a purpose = another way of helping a yuurei leave earth forever is to help it fulfill its purpose. If the cause of death was murder, the family can hunt down the killer and bring them to justice. In Arthur's case, his purpose will be fulfilled once Alfred gets out of Yoshiwara and is free. So Alfred is pretty much going to lose either way: either stay in Yoshiwara forever, or leave and never see Arthur again. Poor baby...