Okay, maybe it's just a bad week . . .
This morning after last night's premiere . . .
JustcallmeAstin: *The premiere went well enough; you and I have been in the spotlight long enough we know how to push down any problems which might be happening in the house, shut out any difficulties with each other, and look and act genuinely happy. It's an old game--called acting, ya know? But now in the bright morning sun sipping coffee, I look at you and know that it isn't over. It's only the beginning.* Liz slept pretty well last night.
ChrisAstin71292: *You were right about me having a good time last night. I was able to hide my exhaustion and horrendous mood from everyone. Though, despite Liz sleeping so well, I myself am so tired I //can't// sleep. I'm sitting across the table from you, paging through a magazine, having been up long before sunrise, I smile wearily, but mean it* Yeah, she did. And it's about time too. Though that may not be the case tonight.
JustcallmeAstin: *I shrug* It'll come. Before we know it, she'll be sleeping through the night.
ChrisAstin71292: *I look up at you from my magazine* I know hon, but it's just a bit more discouraging this time around than with Ali. It's a lot worse this time.
JustcallmeAstin: *I nod, then try to smile* Hey, at least we waited long enough that we didn't have two in diapers at the same time. It'll be okay. It *will* get better.
ChrisAstin71292: *I laugh, absent-mindedly still turning pages* That's true. And there'd need to be two of me with you gone almost all the time. *...oh, I know I shouldn't have said that, but it's too late now. But heck, it's the truth... why not just get to the point anyway...* Speaking of, you have plans this evening, don't you?
JustcallmeAstin: *Ouch, that wasn't fair; okay, maybe it was. I don't know. Either way, it hurts. I try to hide the look that passes over my face* Yes. The charity dinner.
ChrisAstin71292: *An eyebrow raises, and I close my eyes. I knew it, I don't even know why I had to ask.* When? For how long?
JustcallmeAstin: * I feel that sinking feeling again* fFrom about 7pm to 10pm. I organized it--I have to be there.
ChrisAstin71292: *I look across to you, my blood is actually beginning to boil I think. Yes, you organized it... but evidently you forgot something...* Sean, you promised Ali on Monday that you were going to take her for ice cream and rent a movie after dinner tonight. What were you thinking? Did the dinner slip your mind or something? *I'm having trouble not glaring at you*
ustcallmeAstin: * I gasp* I guess it did!
ChrisAstin71292: *I look at you incredulously* You guess?
JustcallmeAstin: *I scratch my head, thinking furiously* But this has been planned for weeks . . . I can't just not show . . .
ChrisAstin71292: *I take a deep breath, not wanting to yell.* Exactly, you've had it planned for weeks. What were you thinking? Why did you promise Ali, knowing you had this thing tonight?
JustcallmeAstin: I--I must've gotten the day wrong in my head--or--it's just been so much lately . . .
ChrisAstin71292: *I take a long slow sip of my coffee before replying* ... Tell that to her when she wakes up.
JustcallmeAstin: I'll make it up to her--Saturday. I've got nothing tomrrow--we can all do somethng.
ChrisAstin71292: So are you just going to go through your calendar, giving us all days so you can make things up to us for when you weren't here?
JustcallmeAstin: * I greip the chair harder, starting to get angry* Yes, if that would make you happy, that's just what I'll do. Sometime after this crazy damn season is over.
ChrisAstin71292: *I glare full on at you, and snap sarcastically* That's wonderful to hear Sean, just pencil us in when it's convenient for you. It's no problem, the three of just hanging around here without you for the next few months.
JustcallmeAstin: *I pace, frazzled, part of me agreeing with her and part not* What do you want me to //do//, Chris? You knew long ago we'd have these kinds of committments, that we'd have to do these functions! I'm trying my best! I'll work on being here more, I swear, but if you can //please// give me those few months! I know it' s hard; honestly, but what can I do? I don't know how to get out of it!
ChrisAstin71292: *I stand up and cross the floor, stopping you in your pacing. Eye to eye, without touching you, I growl out* I'll give you those few months if you'll give me the comfort of knowing that you'll keep your family at least in the back of your mind. *I turn quickly, walking from the room*
JustcallmeAstin: *I walk over to the kitchen cupboards and bang my head against it once, wanting to smash something, knowing I won't . A sob escapes me; I clap my hand over my mouth, not wanting anyone to hear it. I return to the kitchen table to put my cup away. My hands are shaking* Yes, dear, I'll do that. *almost whispering*
I don't know what to do . . . .
JustcallmeAstin: *The premiere went well enough; you and I have been in the spotlight long enough we know how to push down any problems which might be happening in the house, shut out any difficulties with each other, and look and act genuinely happy. It's an old game--called acting, ya know? But now in the bright morning sun sipping coffee, I look at you and know that it isn't over. It's only the beginning.* Liz slept pretty well last night.
ChrisAstin71292: *You were right about me having a good time last night. I was able to hide my exhaustion and horrendous mood from everyone. Though, despite Liz sleeping so well, I myself am so tired I //can't// sleep. I'm sitting across the table from you, paging through a magazine, having been up long before sunrise, I smile wearily, but mean it* Yeah, she did. And it's about time too. Though that may not be the case tonight.
JustcallmeAstin: *I shrug* It'll come. Before we know it, she'll be sleeping through the night.
ChrisAstin71292: *I look up at you from my magazine* I know hon, but it's just a bit more discouraging this time around than with Ali. It's a lot worse this time.
JustcallmeAstin: *I nod, then try to smile* Hey, at least we waited long enough that we didn't have two in diapers at the same time. It'll be okay. It *will* get better.
ChrisAstin71292: *I laugh, absent-mindedly still turning pages* That's true. And there'd need to be two of me with you gone almost all the time. *...oh, I know I shouldn't have said that, but it's too late now. But heck, it's the truth... why not just get to the point anyway...* Speaking of, you have plans this evening, don't you?
JustcallmeAstin: *Ouch, that wasn't fair; okay, maybe it was. I don't know. Either way, it hurts. I try to hide the look that passes over my face* Yes. The charity dinner.
ChrisAstin71292: *An eyebrow raises, and I close my eyes. I knew it, I don't even know why I had to ask.* When? For how long?
JustcallmeAstin: * I feel that sinking feeling again* fFrom about 7pm to 10pm. I organized it--I have to be there.
ChrisAstin71292: *I look across to you, my blood is actually beginning to boil I think. Yes, you organized it... but evidently you forgot something...* Sean, you promised Ali on Monday that you were going to take her for ice cream and rent a movie after dinner tonight. What were you thinking? Did the dinner slip your mind or something? *I'm having trouble not glaring at you*
ustcallmeAstin: * I gasp* I guess it did!
ChrisAstin71292: *I look at you incredulously* You guess?
JustcallmeAstin: *I scratch my head, thinking furiously* But this has been planned for weeks . . . I can't just not show . . .
ChrisAstin71292: *I take a deep breath, not wanting to yell.* Exactly, you've had it planned for weeks. What were you thinking? Why did you promise Ali, knowing you had this thing tonight?
JustcallmeAstin: I--I must've gotten the day wrong in my head--or--it's just been so much lately . . .
ChrisAstin71292: *I take a long slow sip of my coffee before replying* ... Tell that to her when she wakes up.
JustcallmeAstin: I'll make it up to her--Saturday. I've got nothing tomrrow--we can all do somethng.
ChrisAstin71292: So are you just going to go through your calendar, giving us all days so you can make things up to us for when you weren't here?
JustcallmeAstin: * I greip the chair harder, starting to get angry* Yes, if that would make you happy, that's just what I'll do. Sometime after this crazy damn season is over.
ChrisAstin71292: *I glare full on at you, and snap sarcastically* That's wonderful to hear Sean, just pencil us in when it's convenient for you. It's no problem, the three of just hanging around here without you for the next few months.
JustcallmeAstin: *I pace, frazzled, part of me agreeing with her and part not* What do you want me to //do//, Chris? You knew long ago we'd have these kinds of committments, that we'd have to do these functions! I'm trying my best! I'll work on being here more, I swear, but if you can //please// give me those few months! I know it' s hard; honestly, but what can I do? I don't know how to get out of it!
ChrisAstin71292: *I stand up and cross the floor, stopping you in your pacing. Eye to eye, without touching you, I growl out* I'll give you those few months if you'll give me the comfort of knowing that you'll keep your family at least in the back of your mind. *I turn quickly, walking from the room*
JustcallmeAstin: *I walk over to the kitchen cupboards and bang my head against it once, wanting to smash something, knowing I won't . A sob escapes me; I clap my hand over my mouth, not wanting anyone to hear it. I return to the kitchen table to put my cup away. My hands are shaking* Yes, dear, I'll do that. *almost whispering*
I don't know what to do . . . .