Fanfic: Shattered Glass - Chapter 11: Body
Fanfic masterpost
Chapter 10: Heart
Chapter 11: Body
Ringing that bell was the single most terrifying thing Emily had ever done, and at the same time the easiest. She thought that must be how soldiers felt when they came back from war.
In a way, she had been to war for the past six months: with Doyle, with herself, with her demons. Never trusting anyone, never lingering too long in one place, always aware that her life may be in danger, constantly missing her team, her family.
Had she been someone else, she would have spent hour upon hour rethinking the choices and actions that brought her there. She wasn’t that kind of person. Emily Prentiss simply didn’t do that. Even if sometimes it was hard to remember that she was, in fact, still Emily, and that she had friends, people she loved and who cared about her. Some days she would look in the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back.
She shrugged those thoughts away. Emily Prentiss was back from the dead and soon enough the last six months would be just a bad dream.
The door opened. She was home now.
~
Hours went by like seconds as the whole team sat down at the kitchen table drinking coffee and tea, and catching up. They wanted to know where she’d been, what she’d done, how it’d been like. She talked about Paris and Berlin, London and Venice, Prague and Barcelona. Big cities, always, because they allow you to be anonymous in a way that small ones don’t. She talked about the long journeys by train and the warm nights spent reading and drinking wine. She did not however talk about the loneliness, the emptiness, the fear. That was better left in the past.
It was only after 1 AM that everyone excused themselves to their respective rooms to get a few hours of sleep. Emily, blaming the jet lag, told them she would stay up a little longer.
Now, alone in the big wooden kitchen, she poured herself another cup of tea and went to sit by the window. She sipped at her tea quietly, trying not to think about anything important.
Once her cup was empty, she went to the sink and washed it. Then, careful not to make any sound so not to wake up the others, she went upstairs and headed to her room. It was Rossi’s house and she’d never been there before, and yet it felt more like home than any other place in the past six months.
Passing by the room Derek and Spencer were sharing, she saw the light was still on. She’d planned to talk to them in the morning, but since apparently they were still up, she decided to do it now. She knocked softly and waited.
It was Derek who opened the door. “Hey.”
“Hey. I saw the light was still on…”
He moved to the side so she could come into the room. Spencer was already in bed, but he wasn’t sleeping: he was reading a book. As soon as she stepped inside, he set it down on the nightstand.
“We haven’t had a chance to talk yet. I mean, just the three of us.” Emily sat down on the edge of the bed and Derek followed her example, so that they were sitting in a triangle and could look at each other. “I want to know how you’ve been. Spencer, how are your headaches?”
Spencer shifted uncomfortably. “Same as when you left. I’ve been trying not to think about what it could mean.”
Emily reached out to take his hand in hers and squeezed it for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, but, you know, I’m sorry I wasn’t here this whole time. I know it’s been hard for you both.”
Derek pressed his lips together, but didn’t talk. It was Spencer who said, in a small voice: “We thought you were dead.”
Without letting go of Spencer’s hand, she reached for Derek’s too and squeezed them both. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to call you and let you know that I was okay.” She looked at Derek. “That you saved me. Believe me, I never wanted you to have to go through this. But my death needed to look real. You understand that, right? Doyle might have been watching you, so we needed to make sure that your reaction was authentic. I am so sorry for having lied to you like that…”
Derek interrupted her. “It’s not you I’m angry at.”
“I know. You’re angry at Hotch and JJ. But what I’m telling you is that I agreed to keep it from you. I was the one who said it was necessary. Doyle knew me, really knew me, and he’d been watching me for weeks. He knew how close we are and if he had only the slightest suspicion that I was alive, it would have been you two he would have kept an eye on.”
“Emily, I understand all that. You did the right thing. You may not be alive if it hadn’t been for this plan.” Derek paused. “You weren’t here. You never looked at me while I was struggling to… to accept that I hadn’t been able to save you - and said nothing. You never lied to my face when you knew I was hurting.”
Emily looked at him. “I know. And I understand why you’re angry. But you have to let it go. All they were trying to do, was to protect me. If it had been you who knew that I was still alive, would you have put my life at risk and told them?”
Derek held her gaze for a few seconds, then looked down at their joined hands and shook his head. Slowly, all his anger was fading away. He looked at Spencer, who’d been quiet for a while.
“Spencer?” Emily called him softly.
“I don’t know how I feel right now,” he admitted. “Maybe my next paper should be on the Reverse Stages of Grief, exploring the range of emotions you go through when you find out that someone you thought was dead is actually alive. I really should-”
“Spencer, breathe.” Derek put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.
“-look into what other researchers wrote on the subject and maybe…” Spencer stopped talking a took a deep breath. He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, then looked at Emily. When he started talking again, he was calmer. “It was hard losing you. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye, you know? It was like one day you just… left. Only it wasn’t your choice. You died. Now I find out that you did leave without saying goodbye and that my friends lied to me.”
Emily opened her mouth to speak, but Spencer went on. He had to let it all out.
“I am so happy that you’re back. I was scared that you wouldn’t return, that you’d decide you liked your new life better. I’m not sure how I would have dealt with that. But you came back. And I understand why you had to leave and why you and Hotch and JJ had to lie to us. I am not completely okay with all this just yet, but I will be. I will talk to JJ and Hotch tomorrow. It will be okay. You just need to give me some time to be a hundred percent okay with it. It all happened so fast.”
“Yeah, I still haven’t quite realized that I’m actually back.” Emily looked down for a few seconds, then back at them. “So, we are okay?”
“Yes,” Spencer confirmed.
“Good.” Emily smiled. “Then we’ll talk more tomorrow. Now you look like you’re about to fall asleep, and I must admit that I’m tired too.”
She got up, but Derek stopped her. “Stay. Sleep here tonight.”
She looked at him, then at Spencer, and she nodded. They needed it just as much as she did. They wanted to have her close, to make sure she was alive, safe, and that she wasn’t going anywhere. For her part, she needed to not be alone, to be held, to have her friends there with her.
She stripped down to her underwear and put on the t-shirt Derek was offering her, then slipped under the blankets next to Spencer. Derek joined them soon after and leaned over her to kiss Spencer.
“Goodnight, Pretty boy. Goodnight, Emily.” He looked at her for a couple of seconds, then kissed her too, softly.
She turned around and kissed Spencer. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Derek’s and Spencer’s arms slid around her body and they joined hands on her hip. She settled down into their embrace and closed her eyes, feeling safe and loved for the first time since she’d heard Doyle’s name again.
And tonight we can truly say,
Together we’re invincible
Invincible, Muse
The End
Chapter 10: Heart
Chapter 11: Body
Ringing that bell was the single most terrifying thing Emily had ever done, and at the same time the easiest. She thought that must be how soldiers felt when they came back from war.
In a way, she had been to war for the past six months: with Doyle, with herself, with her demons. Never trusting anyone, never lingering too long in one place, always aware that her life may be in danger, constantly missing her team, her family.
Had she been someone else, she would have spent hour upon hour rethinking the choices and actions that brought her there. She wasn’t that kind of person. Emily Prentiss simply didn’t do that. Even if sometimes it was hard to remember that she was, in fact, still Emily, and that she had friends, people she loved and who cared about her. Some days she would look in the mirror and didn’t know who was looking back.
She shrugged those thoughts away. Emily Prentiss was back from the dead and soon enough the last six months would be just a bad dream.
The door opened. She was home now.
~
Hours went by like seconds as the whole team sat down at the kitchen table drinking coffee and tea, and catching up. They wanted to know where she’d been, what she’d done, how it’d been like. She talked about Paris and Berlin, London and Venice, Prague and Barcelona. Big cities, always, because they allow you to be anonymous in a way that small ones don’t. She talked about the long journeys by train and the warm nights spent reading and drinking wine. She did not however talk about the loneliness, the emptiness, the fear. That was better left in the past.
It was only after 1 AM that everyone excused themselves to their respective rooms to get a few hours of sleep. Emily, blaming the jet lag, told them she would stay up a little longer.
Now, alone in the big wooden kitchen, she poured herself another cup of tea and went to sit by the window. She sipped at her tea quietly, trying not to think about anything important.
Once her cup was empty, she went to the sink and washed it. Then, careful not to make any sound so not to wake up the others, she went upstairs and headed to her room. It was Rossi’s house and she’d never been there before, and yet it felt more like home than any other place in the past six months.
Passing by the room Derek and Spencer were sharing, she saw the light was still on. She’d planned to talk to them in the morning, but since apparently they were still up, she decided to do it now. She knocked softly and waited.
It was Derek who opened the door. “Hey.”
“Hey. I saw the light was still on…”
He moved to the side so she could come into the room. Spencer was already in bed, but he wasn’t sleeping: he was reading a book. As soon as she stepped inside, he set it down on the nightstand.
“We haven’t had a chance to talk yet. I mean, just the three of us.” Emily sat down on the edge of the bed and Derek followed her example, so that they were sitting in a triangle and could look at each other. “I want to know how you’ve been. Spencer, how are your headaches?”
Spencer shifted uncomfortably. “Same as when you left. I’ve been trying not to think about what it could mean.”
Emily reached out to take his hand in hers and squeezed it for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“Not your fault.”
She shrugged. “Yeah, but, you know, I’m sorry I wasn’t here this whole time. I know it’s been hard for you both.”
Derek pressed his lips together, but didn’t talk. It was Spencer who said, in a small voice: “We thought you were dead.”
Without letting go of Spencer’s hand, she reached for Derek’s too and squeezed them both. “I wanted to tell you. I wanted to call you and let you know that I was okay.” She looked at Derek. “That you saved me. Believe me, I never wanted you to have to go through this. But my death needed to look real. You understand that, right? Doyle might have been watching you, so we needed to make sure that your reaction was authentic. I am so sorry for having lied to you like that…”
Derek interrupted her. “It’s not you I’m angry at.”
“I know. You’re angry at Hotch and JJ. But what I’m telling you is that I agreed to keep it from you. I was the one who said it was necessary. Doyle knew me, really knew me, and he’d been watching me for weeks. He knew how close we are and if he had only the slightest suspicion that I was alive, it would have been you two he would have kept an eye on.”
“Emily, I understand all that. You did the right thing. You may not be alive if it hadn’t been for this plan.” Derek paused. “You weren’t here. You never looked at me while I was struggling to… to accept that I hadn’t been able to save you - and said nothing. You never lied to my face when you knew I was hurting.”
Emily looked at him. “I know. And I understand why you’re angry. But you have to let it go. All they were trying to do, was to protect me. If it had been you who knew that I was still alive, would you have put my life at risk and told them?”
Derek held her gaze for a few seconds, then looked down at their joined hands and shook his head. Slowly, all his anger was fading away. He looked at Spencer, who’d been quiet for a while.
“Spencer?” Emily called him softly.
“I don’t know how I feel right now,” he admitted. “Maybe my next paper should be on the Reverse Stages of Grief, exploring the range of emotions you go through when you find out that someone you thought was dead is actually alive. I really should-”
“Spencer, breathe.” Derek put a hand on his shoulder and rubbed it gently.
“-look into what other researchers wrote on the subject and maybe…” Spencer stopped talking a took a deep breath. He covered his eyes with his hand for a moment, then looked at Emily. When he started talking again, he was calmer. “It was hard losing you. And I didn’t even get to say goodbye, you know? It was like one day you just… left. Only it wasn’t your choice. You died. Now I find out that you did leave without saying goodbye and that my friends lied to me.”
Emily opened her mouth to speak, but Spencer went on. He had to let it all out.
“I am so happy that you’re back. I was scared that you wouldn’t return, that you’d decide you liked your new life better. I’m not sure how I would have dealt with that. But you came back. And I understand why you had to leave and why you and Hotch and JJ had to lie to us. I am not completely okay with all this just yet, but I will be. I will talk to JJ and Hotch tomorrow. It will be okay. You just need to give me some time to be a hundred percent okay with it. It all happened so fast.”
“Yeah, I still haven’t quite realized that I’m actually back.” Emily looked down for a few seconds, then back at them. “So, we are okay?”
“Yes,” Spencer confirmed.
“Good.” Emily smiled. “Then we’ll talk more tomorrow. Now you look like you’re about to fall asleep, and I must admit that I’m tired too.”
She got up, but Derek stopped her. “Stay. Sleep here tonight.”
She looked at him, then at Spencer, and she nodded. They needed it just as much as she did. They wanted to have her close, to make sure she was alive, safe, and that she wasn’t going anywhere. For her part, she needed to not be alone, to be held, to have her friends there with her.
She stripped down to her underwear and put on the t-shirt Derek was offering her, then slipped under the blankets next to Spencer. Derek joined them soon after and leaned over her to kiss Spencer.
“Goodnight, Pretty boy. Goodnight, Emily.” He looked at her for a couple of seconds, then kissed her too, softly.
She turned around and kissed Spencer. “Goodnight.”
“Night.”
Derek’s and Spencer’s arms slid around her body and they joined hands on her hip. She settled down into their embrace and closed her eyes, feeling safe and loved for the first time since she’d heard Doyle’s name again.
And tonight we can truly say,
Together we’re invincible
Invincible, Muse
The End