"I don't like to philosophize; I just want to tell a story"
So here I am, in lovely Northfield, Minnesota, sitting in a dorm room with Laura's roommate, because Laura is at class.
It's taken me a month (and a much-too-cramped plane trip to Minnesota), but I'm starting to get back into the swing of LiveJournal, and, well, life, I guess.
It seems like the last few weeks of my life have been absorbed with gossip, Broadway Night, not going to the gym, doing homework, not doing homework, not sleeping, rehearsing Midsummer, enjoying nice weather, and waiting for something interesting to happen. Oh, and filmings. Okay, I guess that's kind of a long list. But it does seem like the more I have to talk about, the harder it is to delve into it, for fearing of ending up with an entry that looks more like a dissertation. So i'll be brief and stick to highlights.
Oh man, I really love Jason Robert Brown (see music). That just had to be said.
Things have been very drama-filled recently, and this whole "spring fever" thing is starting to manifest itself. Not that I don't enjoy drama, but it's getting to be a bit much. Especially when my personal life is so dry comparatively. Love life I should say. Oh well. It's one of those "wait and see" times, which I really can't stand, but I'm going to have to.
I had a minor freak-out the other day about camp--roommates, audition songs, and all that. Starting to worry that I won't be good enough compared with those people to get the kind of parts I've gotten used to. I know it's really prentious to get used to that sort of thing, but it's just hard to go from being one of the leaders to someone on a lower level, you know? Then again, who knows? This could be my year. I'm thinking of "Johanna" for my audition song, but I'm not sure yet. It's weird--being at college is a lot like being at camp. But more relaxed.
Things have been very confusing recently (I'm jumping around by the way; I apologize). I'm starting to realize that I flirt too much with people with whom I have no interest, and not enough with those in whom I am interested. That sounded really strange, but it's correct gramatically, I promise you. So I'm in this place wehre I can't really do anything about people I like, but I still really want attention and affection. But I'd feel really bad getting that attention from people I'm not interested in.
Okay, back to college. What to say? Food is decent. Rooms are nice. People are nice (and many are rather attractive). Laura took me on a tour this afternoon and tonight I get to see Into the Woods! Not quite as exciting as Hazel's visit, but we're having fun. I really want to go parties tonight, but Laura says there aren't many of those. Poo. We might be able to find something. Actually really I'm just a huge ho and I want to hook up with random college people. Hmm...I think I need to visit more colleges. I'm gonna come back here sometime when I can actually stay over for a weekend. I also told other people I'd visit them--like Yenarae and Emma F., so that's something to look forward too.
On the one hand, I'm excited for the prospects of college, but it's also really scary. This idea of a new place where you don't know anyone and all relationships have to be built up from nothing. Yikes. I feel like I've grown too secure in my PAC/BHS friends that it's going to be hard to let go. At least I have another year. And I think I'm getting bored of home anyway. College will be a nice change. Here I am bitching about having to readjust in a year when I spent the other night complaining with Lycia about how bored we are with life.
This entry makes no sense at all. Blah, I fail at life. What else is going on? Summer's rapidly approaching. Summer means drive-ins with Suzie, Camp, work with Elaine, Beach trips, random midnight adventures, and all that fun stuff. I can't wait. But before that, I have a few more obstacles. Midsummer, finishing my Independent Study (almost done with filming--time to start editing!), the dance show this weekend, AP tests, SAT IIs (four of them), Into the Woods, Jr., PROM!, and lots more schoolwork. Sure,, some of that is fun, but it's a lot of work too, and a lot of stress.
Laura's friends are really nice. See how my brain isn't functioning? Ehn, it's more fun this way. I met Whitney, Liz, and Kaarin, saw Russell, and was introduced to several random floor/Into the Woods people.
Oh, I went to Ms. Palais yesterday because she lost my final grade from freshman year. But she assumed it was an A+, so she gave me that. It'll raise my unweighted GPA, but lower my weighted because it's a CP class, and my weighted average is around an A.
I have lots of homework that I don't want to do. Also, Mr. Loosmann told me the wrong assignment, so now I don't have the right physics book. Kayleigh, is there any way I can borrow Holt over the weekend?
So this Sunday there is Urinetown, Traviata, and Regina Spektor. I think I've ruled out Traviata, despite my irrational and pathetic reasons for wanting to go. I want to see Regina (if there are still tickets) as long as I can see Urinetown another day. But if that's the only day we can see Urinetown, I might do that. I'm still deciding.
April vacation is coming up!! = trip to California. I'm excited.
I feel like there's so much going on in my life, but at the same time, it's all essentially the same. It's as if everything around me is changing, and I'm just caught whirling around in the middle of the confusion and no one really notices because they're all too caught up in their problems or the problems of someone else closer to them. I'm not saying people don't notice me, just that I sometimes feel like I'm not really connected to people. I don't know; it's strange. I guess this is really just another whiny extention of my "everyone else has someone" rant. I miss Sophomore year. Although, in some ways, I don't. I'm starting to realize that it wasn't really that amazing. It was just....simpler, I think.
Is this long enough and confusing enough yet? This would be a good indication as to the inside of my head right now. It's not very organized, but it sure is complicated.
I'm sure there was more I was going to talk about, but it's escaping me now. I'm gonna do some homework and wait for Laura to come back from class. I'm gonna try to post more often in these next few weeks, but we'll see. Ugh, Jennifer called me at nine this morning about the dance show. Second time she's called me when I had no pants on. Oy. I think I'm not in the a capella concert Friday, which would actually be really nice, because I don't need any more stress.
Okay, I was gonna end with a metaphor, but I couldn't think of one, so I'm gonna leave it open, and you have to comment with your version of it. Then I'll end with some lyric spam. Deal?
Metaphor: Junior year is like __________; it's _____________ but _____________. Enjoy.
"God knows it's easy to run,
Easy to run from the people you love
And harder to stand and fight
For the things you believe
Nothing about us was perfect or clear
But when paradise calls me
I'd rather be here
There's something between us
That nobody else needs to see"