original fic

[just_jenni]

Title: From The Ruins: Chapter Twenty-six: Only Once in a Lifetime
Characters: Chase-lee, Amaranto, Havard, Gastan, Teo, Tall Men
Rating: R

The unconscious tall men lay on the ground under a tree where Havard and the others had dragged them en masse. Havard looked down at them, a frown on his face.

Comments

[aglaiya]

Very interesting part with a great idea.
With the end you have many chances for your story opened.

The only thing I don't like is how the men act. Amaranto tells Chase-lee he would love her and than he abandoned her. He tells her moment before how much he loves her and he does nothing to safe her. He follows one of the Immortals.
Chase-lee who always fiery acted is now like a sacrificial lamb.
But you will have a reason why you wrote the men as cowards and Chase-lee so obedient.

[just_jenni]

Well, thank you. I was a bit scared because I took a real chance with this chapter. It kind of changes everything

[aglaiya]

From your sight of thing you wrote the right thing. It's the way you see people.

My sight is different ;) It's fantasy and a man who told me he would love me and not tries to save me... NO thanks! For me people have to act different in such a situation.

The 'thing' with the island it totally okay and a very interesting solution.

[just_jenni]

Thanks again. :)

We do see some things differently and between people you perhaps see things more romantically than I do. It seems I am always looking for the conflicts.

For Chase-lee he is not her first or strongest love.

For him she is everything. This will come into it more in the future. :)