CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT:: WORK IN PROGRESS
With Mami being played in various games and being taken from various canon points, it's inevitable that her character's going to undergo development in different ways, for different reasons, and as the result of dealing with different settings and situations. This post is going to be used (largely for my own reference) as a means to keep track of those changes and how they affect Mami's state of mind. This won't be a thread-by-thread account of her progress (or, as might be more apt at times, backsliding), but I'll do my best to be thorough and include everything of significance. This post contains SPOILERS and is in a permanent state of WIP!
queen of hearts
→ Arrival: Mami wakes up in the Gardens immediately after having her head bitten off by Charlotte, a Witch. She assumes that this is the afterlife and is eventually set straight by the other residents of the Gardens. ( here ) This traumatic starting point serves as the basis for Mami's initial development within the Gardens; she's even more secretly distant and fatalistic than she was in canon. As she sees it, the hope she had been promised was destroyed with her death, and now her burden includes a massive amount of guilt over leaving Madoka and Sayaka at Charlotte's mercy. Instead of feeling grateful for having a second chance, Mami feels almost cheated.
→ Event; The Labyrinth: The Queen's incarnae have rebelled after the Queen promised to send everyone home, and have hidden her down inside the Labyrinth. Compelled to help her, if not for her own benefit, Mami decides to try and reach the Queen. Shortly after entering the Labyrinth, she runs into Fate Harlaown and her adoptive daughter, Vivio, both of whom she had been living with since her arrival. After mutually learning of each other's magical girl powers, and with nothing else for it, the three decide to combine their efforts in finding the Queen. ( here ) Things rapidly go downhill from there: an illusion of Charlotte arrives, as does an illusion of Madoka, who tells Mami that she hates her, that the older girl is no one to admire, before being bitten in half by the fake Charlotte. This succession of events threatens to unhinge Mami completely. When she somehow manages to get back up as Fate deals with her own illusions, it prompts the incarnae to allow Mami to see the Queen, who promises to grant a single wish. Broken down and exhausted, Mami simply wishes to not be alone, and is shortly thereafter returned to the Gardens.
→ Aftermath of the Labyrinth: Because of the Queen's promise, Mami finds herself being followed by the animal inhabitants of the Gardens, who lavish her with affection. As by this point she believes herself to be the only one of her team to make it out, Mami uses the Vine to ask about Fate and Vivio. The former eventually shows up and tries to confront Mami about the horrific illusions that were obviously aimed at her; Mami puts on a brave face for most of it, but breaks down into tears by the end and accepts Fate's comfort. ( here ) This solidified Fate's importance as a friend and a shoulder to lean on, and served to soothe the emotional wounds wrought by the Labyrinth.
→ Sayaka Miki arrives: Sayaka's arrival in the Gardens prompts a renewing of Mami's buried guilt over the Charlotte affair; perfectly expecting Sayaka to hate her, she's surprised when Sayaka is instead happy to see her, and has indeed never harbored any bitterness at all. This comes as a great and welcome relief to Mami. ( here )
→ Homura Akemi arrives: The Homura that arrives in the Gardens is very different from the one Mami's so used to; instead of cold mystery and persistent meddling, there's hapless timidity and a claim to Mami's friendship. Mami is incredibly confused and put on edge by this; as far as she can tell, Homura isn't lying, and yet what she says and how she acts seem too strange to be anything but a lie. ( here ) Shaken up as she is by the encounter, Mami grudgingly accepts the situation.
→ Madoka Kaname arrives: One of the few occasions of meaningful joy for Mami is Madoka showing up, although she felt nothing of the sort at first. Much like the earlier situation with Sayaka, Mami had slowly convinced herself over time that Madoka has hated Mami since the older girl's death. This fear has festered in her mind far worse than it did when it involved Sayaka, given the cruel reinforcement of the Labyrinth and the fact that Mami had allowed Madoka to see more of her true self before her death, to the point where it was all but a certainty. Fortunately, Madoka set her mentor straight and lifted that crushing weight off of Mami's shoulders. ( here )
→ Sayaka's story: Mami realizes that the account Sayaka had given her regarding her experiences after Charlotte yet prior to the Gardens contains holes and contradictions. Worried, the older girl decides to pry, and learns far more about Sayaka's fate than she had ever bargained for. ( here )
→ Event; Apparitions: As a result of the Queen's temper tantrum, more illusions have appeared in the Gardens; this time, it's warped versions of people the inhabitants knew from home. Mami has already stumbled across one that appeared to be her mother, which is perhaps the worst thing that could happen; the apparition, being a hateful manifestation of Mami's worst fears concerning her mother, immediately sought to validate every last buried regret that Mami's been carrying since she became a magical girl. ( here ) This experience has broken Mami down once again, undoing a great deal of progress and placing her in a deep hole both mentally and emotionally. Fate's disappearance from the Gardens has only exacerbated the problem.
→ Aftermath of the Apparitions: After Homura revealed a desperate truth regarding the multiple timelines she had endured, in which Mami was unfailingly a hero who saved countless people and fought Walpurgisnacht, for the singular purpose of breaking Mami out of her despair, the two girls came together for a very uncomfortable (if cruelly illuminating) conversation. ( here ) This talk soon became a series of earth-shattering revelations that pushed Mami into approaching Sayaka ( here ) and Madoka ( here ) to discuss various elements of the life they had shared as well as the future of their relationship with Mami.
→ Event; Dreams: The blooming of strange flowers within the Gardens forced the inhabitants to walk into another's dreams, and Mami was no exception. She unintentionally wandered into several dreams- Homura's, Utena's and Hikari's, just to name a few -and learned new things about the girls she thought she knew. Her various experiences were at times inspiring, frightening at others, but above all enlightening.
→ Aftermath of the Dreams: This incident was crucial in Mami's realization and acceptance of Homura's feelings for Madoka; it provided a deeper insight into Kyouko's history with Sayaka; and from this entangling of dreams came the beginnings of a strangely intimate (yet untested and not a little confusing) friendship with Utena.
→ GENERAL OVERVIEW: When Mami first arrived, it was in the wake of her gory and traumatizing death. She was haunted for weeks afterward by both the terrifying experience and the fear of what her mistake had cost Madoka and Sayaka. The influence of the Gardens was unfortunately crucial in reaffirming several of Mami's flawed, self-loathing perceptions about herself (that she was weak and pathetic, a liar and a coward) and over time, her regrets and guilt would mount as these various incidents (such as the Labyrinth and the apparitions) triggered more and more pain. This gradual erosion of Mami's already fragile sense of self-worth culminated in her epiphany regarding the true fate of Puella Magi.
When Mami learned that all magical girls were doomed to become Witches, the relevation almost broke her beyond any hope of repair. In her eyes, this harsh truth rendered the entire purpose of her life null and void - said purpose being to help everyone she could and so atone for all her percieved failures. This reason for existing is both admirably altruistic and undeniably selfish; Mami could only live with herself by living for others. Her strong sense of justice and genuinely kind, motherly nature couldn't overpower her crippling survivor's guilt and broken self-esteem, and so the two became helplessly entertwined. The realization that becoming Witches was the unavoidable fate of magical girls sent Mami into a deep despair, making her believe as it did that she hadn't really saved anyone or atoned at all, if she was only one day going to become the very thing she despised and so undo all of her efforts. For Mami, it seemed like her entire life after contracting with Kyuubey had been a dangerous waste; not only had she failed to do any lasting good, she had unknowingly tempted others into following her down the path to destruction.
If the corruption of the Soul Gems hadn't been mercifully frozen in the Gardens, and if Homura hadn't been by Mami's side to counsel and comfort her through this dark discovery, Mami would have lost her mind completely. Even then it was a near thing, and part of her nightmare during the dream event revolved around the morbid idea of her manifestation into a monstrous Witch and what frightening behavior such a possibility could provoke. Mami is much more aware (at least on some level) of the holes in her psyche and the true fragility of her mind under certain pressures. It scares her deeply, yet also pushes her even more to attain a more stable state of being, if just to safeguard against the chance of her ever losing control to the point of harming those she cares about.
Mami has been through a great deal during her seven months or so in the Gardens, but it's only recently that the toll of those experiences is beginning to produce improvements in Mami's mental and emotional state rather than deterioration. She has been completely broken down and is carefully rebuilding herself from a new foundation, slowly shedding her grudges and trying to reach out to others across the self-protective distance and emotional walls she's created for her own protection...beginning with the cautious acceptance of the Gardens as her new home and a second chance at life rather than a mere prison or cruel joke. Yet this obviously doesn't mean that Mami is completely fixed, or even halfway there; old habits of isolation, avoidance, bitterness and self-deprecation are very hard to break, and negative emotions like shame and guilt have a way of lingering on in defiance of rational thought. But Mami is trying, and with a great deal of time, patience, and courage, she'll make slow progress toward her goal of being a happier, healthier person. There's definitely a chance for this hope to be realized, because Mami's a far stronger and admirable person than she gives herself credit for.
"That kind of person.....so weak and pathetic, unable to move forward, knowing only how to cry all alone. Certainly no one to admire. It's who I no longer want to be, or ever become again. That's not a fate I want to deserve."