HRmmm... When I was growing up, I always thought that social interaction WAS a competition, and since, I couldn't win Miss America or even Miss Congeniality, I tried for funniest, most obnoxious, and finally... if I couldn't win anything else.. Loudest. (I usually won that one :-P
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OK, I get what you're saying. Now let me ask you this; if social interaction is NOT a competition, what good is it? Does it exist then as just a crutch for our self-esteem? Do we surround ourselves with positive influences so we can feel good about ourselves? Isn't that, ultimately, a weakness?
No, I don't think so at all. What's wrong with doing something simply because it is enjoyable? I just enjoy hanging out with my friends because it is fun. I don't know that I get a particular self-esteem boost from it, but I really do enjoy it simply for being what it is...
These are just MY thoughts... I think social interaction does tend to be a competition to a point. This is usually in the first few get togethers. People establish a ranking order. Also established (and this never fails for me) is a "who's who" of the group. Sometimes I end up being the dummy of the group, others Im the most intelligent, social, funloving college girl
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I can't deal with people who are constantly competative in their interactions. The ones who always have to be right or one-up you... They drive me crazy. I end up just ignoring them.
To me, social interactions are either about building intimacy or learning more about how other people see the world. I want to get to know people by our conversations. In the case of an argument, I want to have a good reason for it. I want to know something new about the world when we're done talking. But mostly, I just want to know my friends better.
Hrm, I can't say I've ever really though about social interaction as any sort of competition, though I suppose I do know some people who tend to approach it that way (as Marian described). Those people do annoy me.
For me it's all about the banter, the back and forth between other people. I love a group I can joke around and just have fun with. I also like how different people bring different things to the table as far as personality, knowledge, sense of humor, etc goes. In my mind the differences between people don't involve a competitive aspect, they merely make us each unique and interesting in our own ways.
I wouldn't call it a competition, so much as a barter. Every person involved brings something with them, and takes something away. If you feel that you got ripped off, because the other people were boring, or antagonistic, or crude, then it was not a good social interaction. If, on the other hand, you feel you got a good deal, because the other people were funny, or knowledgeable, or well-spoken, then it was a good social interaction.
As with any barter, it is fully possible for all parties involved to leave feeling that they got a good deal, that what they left with was worth what they brought. There's an aspect of competition to it, but ideally it is at heart a trade.
well, that's certainly in the eye of the beholder. if you felt that way because you felt that you were holding back from showing your true self, or pretending that you were someone you're not while in social situations, then i'd say it probably is your fault to some extent (consciously or not). but on the other hand, if it's while being your true self that you feel this way, like you aren't offering anything, then the problem isn't with what you're offering to the world (or more specifically to the people around you) but with your perception of yourself. ["captain, we've spotted the root of the problem!" "yes, that does appear to be a low self-esteem lurking down there in the depths."] however, you must keep in mind that if people enjoy your company, it is probably because THEY feel that you have something to offer them. and that's more important than your own perception of what you have to offer, in those situations
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Fun. :-P
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To me, social interactions are either about building intimacy or learning more about how other people see the world. I want to get to know people by our conversations. In the case of an argument, I want to have a good reason for it. I want to know something new about the world when we're done talking. But mostly, I just want to know my friends better.
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I do like those arguements that make you feel closer afterwards... but I hate the ones that leave me feeling empty inside...
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For me it's all about the banter, the back and forth between other people. I love a group I can joke around and just have fun with. I also like how different people bring different things to the table as far as personality, knowledge, sense of humor, etc goes. In my mind the differences between people don't involve a competitive aspect, they merely make us each unique and interesting in our own ways.
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As with any barter, it is fully possible for all parties involved to leave feeling that they got a good deal, that what they left with was worth what they brought. There's an aspect of competition to it, but ideally it is at heart a trade.
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That's kind of how I feel too. The barter thing makes sense.
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