(no subject)
I'm really sad and I need some advice... this is sorta a long conversation to post and I apologize for that.
Last night Nate and I got into this big huge "thing". I... well I dunno, I have to go to class but I need to figure out a way to cover my eyes, they are swollen from crying all night.
Flayme (2:40:37 AM): what?
PsylentNayte (2:40:40 AM): so how pissed are you really?
Flayme (2:40:46 AM): I'm not pissed
Flayme (2:40:48 AM): I'm annoyed
Flayme (2:40:55 AM): I don't like waiting on people
PsylentNayte (2:41:07 AM): im sorry, I didn't know how long it was gonna last
PsylentNayte (2:41:17 AM): we never even finished because we're all sick of playing
PsylentNayte (2:41:24 AM): the game just would not end...
PsylentNayte (2:41:29 AM): please don't be mad at me....
Flayme (2:41:52 AM): whatever it's fine, I just would have appreciated a call saying... hey um... I'm not gonna get there till late and all would have been copacetic
PsylentNayte (2:42:19 AM): *sigh* well, I really apologize...
PsylentNayte (2:42:27 AM): and I guess I'll see you when I see you..
Flayme (2:42:33 AM): if that's what you want
Flayme (2:42:37 AM): then fine
PsylentNayte (2:42:38 AM): it's not what I want
PsylentNayte (2:42:43 AM): ]but you're gonna be busy]
PsylentNayte (2:42:52 AM): stupid unnatural keyboards
Flayme (2:42:59 AM): whatever we both know I'm full of shit
Flayme (2:43:03 AM): I do have plans Friday
Flayme (2:43:09 AM): I was just mad
PsylentNayte (2:43:14 AM): that's fine...
PsylentNayte (2:43:27 AM): I mean, if you wanna go out.. please do.. but I would also love to spend the time with you
Flayme (2:43:46 AM): well I am not going anywhere Friday but jay is coming over
Flayme (2:43:50 AM): and I wanna spend alone time with him
PsylentNayte (2:43:58 AM): I just really didn't think I would be here this long
PsylentNayte (2:44:00 AM): that's cool
PsylentNayte (2:44:05 AM): I respect that
PsylentNayte (2:44:56 AM): well, sweet dreams, and again, im sorry I annoyed you....
Flayme (2:45:02 AM): so are you staying there then?
PsylentNayte (2:45:41 AM): yeah, but tonight only... unless you want me out tomorrow night all night, I can arrange that
Flayme (2:45:57 AM): huh?
PsylentNayte (2:45:59 AM): else I was gonna come back around midnight
PsylentNayte (2:46:04 AM): for time alone with jay
Flayme (2:46:10 AM): tomorrow is Thursday
PsylentNayte (2:46:15 AM): oh
PsylentNayte (2:46:18 AM): *smack*
PsylentNayte (2:46:26 AM): sorry
Flayme (2:46:52 AM): whatever
PsylentNayte (2:47:02 AM): I'll be back tomorrow afternoon
Flayme (2:47:04 AM): no
PsylentNayte (2:47:08 AM): ok
PsylentNayte (2:47:14 AM): evening?
Flayme (2:47:18 AM): unless it's to get your shit
Flayme (2:47:21 AM): I have school
Flayme (2:47:30 AM): and I have to finish stapling this shit
Flayme (2:47:35 AM): and pouring the oils and stuff
PsylentNayte (2:48:34 AM): wow, I feel really bad.. sure you don't want me to come back and help you with that stuff?
PsylentNayte (2:48:50 AM): I completely forgot :-(
Flayme (2:49:02 AM): it's fine I learned long ago I can't count on anyone but myself
PsylentNayte (2:50:33 AM): I really do feel bad
PsylentNayte (2:51:22 AM): but I'll let go.. u need the rest... and im not doin too good tonight
Flayme (2:51:27 AM): ?
Flayme (2:51:34 AM): I'm not going to go to bed for a while
Flayme (2:51:37 AM): I have shit to do
Flayme (2:52:02 AM): and im not doin too good tonight?
PsylentNayte (2:52:18 AM): at being a friend
Flayme (2:52:34 AM): I wouldn't go that far
PsylentNayte (2:52:44 AM): yeah.. I would...
Flayme (2:53:18 AM): why? It's not that huge of a deal
PsylentNayte (2:53:23 AM): it just pisses me off when I do this shit... like, I know it makes you look at me in a negative way.. and that's what I don't want.. but then again, I always do it to myself
PsylentNayte (2:53:27 AM): but I told you I would
PsylentNayte (2:53:29 AM): it's my word
PsylentNayte (2:53:36 AM): *shrug* it's how I look at it
PsylentNayte (2:53:44 AM): I always try and do the things I say im gonna
PsylentNayte (2:54:14 AM): but then sometimes I just get carried away in what's happening that I forget about the plans that I made
Flayme (2:55:52 AM): look, it's fine. I was pissed, I still am a little bit but not really. It just annoys me that... I can't think of how to put it
Flayme (2:56:14 AM): had I known you weren't coming over
Flayme (2:56:20 AM): darius wanted to come over
Flayme (2:56:33 AM): I just would appreciate a phone call is all
PsylentNayte (2:56:46 AM): yeah....:-(
Flayme (2:57:04 AM): like it's just that I said no because I figured you were coming over
Flayme (2:57:07 AM): but you didn't
PsylentNayte (2:57:14 AM): yeah, I understand
Flayme (2:58:16 AM): well, I guess I'll let you alone
PsylentNayte (2:58:38 AM): k... have a good night...
PsylentNayte (2:58:41 AM): or try
Flayme (2:58:43 AM): whatever
Flayme (2:59:00 AM): ya know what
Flayme (2:59:03 AM): come get your stuff
Flayme (2:59:08 AM): either tonight or tomorrow
PsylentNayte (2:59:17 AM): I'll be there tomorrow
Flayme (2:59:21 AM): I won't be
Flayme (2:59:29 AM): your stuff will be in a bag or box or whatever
PsylentNayte (3:00:09 AM): nm, I'll just come now...
PsylentNayte (3:00:13 AM): I'll see you in like, 145
PsylentNayte (3:00:14 AM): 14
PsylentNayte (3:00:22 AM): soon
PsylentNayte (3:00:27 AM): later
PsylentNayte signed off at 3:00:30 AM.
Flayme (3:00:30 AM): did you want me to get everything ready
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Previous message was not received by PsylentNayte because of error (3:00:31 AM): User PsylentNayte is not available.
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PsylentNayte (4:15:46 AM): hey, I left milk in my car, I'll brb
PsylentNayte (4:15:55 AM): then we'll talk
PsylentNayte (4:18:18 AM): ok back
Flayme (4:18:20 AM): k
PsylentNayte (4:18:41 AM): I just didn't know what to say... or if I had anything at all to say
PsylentNayte (4:19:07 AM): I was too busy thinking
Flayme (4:19:15 AM): I don't know, I just feel like shit. Like I'm being punished for getting upset
PsylentNayte (4:19:29 AM): why do you feel that you are getting punished
PsylentNayte (4:19:43 AM): im not doing anything to make you feel that way... at least not intentionally
Flayme (4:20:03 AM): I wanted to talk to you but you just left
Flayme (4:20:11 AM): I understand you were thinking
PsylentNayte (4:20:24 AM): I didn't know... you were sitting there, I didn't know what was going through your mind...
Flayme (4:20:37 AM): I was trying not to cry
Flayme (4:20:39 AM): that's it
Flayme (4:21:25 AM): well that's not it but when you came back to get your pillow
Flayme (4:21:49 AM): that's all I was thinking about cause I was crying when I went downstairs and when I calle dyou and up till you stepped on the porch
PsylentNayte (4:22:03 AM): yeah...:-(
PsylentNayte (4:22:13 AM): you should not feel punished in any way
Flayme (4:22:54 AM): well you won't tell me what is going on, I don't know what the hell just happened, I feel like I'm losing my friend and it hurts and it's not fair and... fuck... cry...
PsylentNayte (4:24:34 AM): what do you mean I wont tell you what's going on? I mean, im just disappointed in myself, and I know you said it's no big deal... but.. it's just how I am... I feel that I've done you wrong... and don't worry, you're not gonna lose me.. I just feel that I've spent too much time over there... not that I haven't enjoyed every bit of it... but too much too fast can be overwhelming
PsylentNayte (4:24:47 AM): and I don't that to cause a problem as well
PsylentNayte (4:24:54 AM): there's just a communication problem we have...
PsylentNayte (4:25:02 AM): and if im going to continue to come over there
PsylentNayte (4:25:10 AM): you should prolly set some rules for me to go by
Flayme (4:25:15 AM): like?
PsylentNayte (4:25:20 AM): it is your house... I shouldn't be able to come and go as I please...
Flayme (4:26:11 AM): if you feel like we spend too much time together then that's fine and I can respect that but you are the one saying that, not me
PsylentNayte (4:26:22 AM): I know
PsylentNayte (4:26:46 AM): but I don't want to take the chance of one of us getting too attached or used to being around the other...
PsylentNayte (4:27:00 AM): not saying that it's a bad thing
Flayme (4:27:03 AM): then maybe we should just end it now
PsylentNayte (4:27:05 AM): but it can lead to bad things
PsylentNayte (4:27:10 AM): end what?
Flayme (4:27:14 AM): everything
PsylentNayte (4:28:03 AM): I don't want to lose what we have... and I don't want to drown it either
Flayme (4:28:10 AM): I can't control how I feel, I can't help it. I am attached to you and yes, it is in just a friend way but I'm not going to apologize or feel bad about it and maybe it's for the best if we don't spend time together cause I can't be the only one in our friendship who is attached. I've been there. It's too hard.
PsylentNayte (4:28:52 AM): I didn't say that I wasn't attached... I love spending time with you, and I look forward to coming down every time I do...
PsylentNayte (4:29:20 AM): I just don't think I should stay there for days in a row...
PsylentNayte (4:29:32 AM): like, if I came down every other day, that would be fine...
PsylentNayte (4:29:57 AM): but I don't live there, and I feel like im intruding on myke's behalf...
Flayme (4:30:08 AM): I don't really know what to say
PsylentNayte (4:30:29 AM): we have to keep what we have... please
Flayme (4:30:35 AM): if you feel like you shouldn't be here then don't come, I can't force you.
Flayme (4:30:55 AM): if you are uncomfortable about it then I can understand that
PsylentNayte (4:31:44 AM): im sorry this got way more complicated than it should've
Flayme (4:31:48 AM): ?
PsylentNayte (4:32:00 AM): just tonight in general
Flayme (4:32:48 AM): I tried to make up with you but it just felt like you didn't want ... well I don't know it just felt like there was this huge wall there and I didn't know what to do or say to you to make you feel better
PsylentNayte (4:33:47 AM): lets just forget tonight happened... can u do that?
PsylentNayte (4:34:00 AM): it'd just be better off that way
PsylentNayte (4:34:04 AM): we wont lose anything
PsylentNayte (4:34:16 AM): and that's key, cause I don't want to lose anything
Flayme (4:35:42 AM): thing is Nate, what do we have? I mean really. I love hanging out with you but I know eventually I'm gonna want more and I realized that tonight when you left and I couldn't stop myself from crying. I know you don't want that and I just don't know what to do cause I'm really confused. I want you in my life but it's so hard.
PsylentNayte (4:37:05 AM): I think we have a quality friendship.. and depending on how we came out of this, that could change...and I don't know what to say about you wanting more...
PsylentNayte (4:37:20 AM): maybe it's right what sherry said.. maybe it's cause you really only spend your time with me...
Flayme (4:38:20 AM): I don't know
Flayme (4:38:21 AM): maybe
Flayme (4:38:30 AM): maybe it doesn't matter
PsylentNayte (4:39:34 AM): true, maybe it doesn't
Flayme (4:39:57 AM): what do you want to do?
PsylentNayte (4:40:37 AM): I think that for now... the amount of time that I spend over there should be reduced... or spread throughout the week... days off in between so to speak
PsylentNayte (4:41:06 AM): and of course, some nights with a slumber party :-)
Flayme (4:41:11 AM): maybe
Flayme (4:41:13 AM): I dunno
PsylentNayte (4:41:28 AM): ok, well, that's what I think should happen...
PsylentNayte (4:41:32 AM): what do you think?
PsylentNayte (4:41:37 AM): we should find a happy medium
PsylentNayte (4:41:50 AM): if you don't know what you want right now.. take some time and think about it
Flayme (4:42:28 AM): I really don't know. I don't want to shut you out but I can feel every protective wall I have flying up.
Flayme (4:43:05 AM): I wanted to have sex with you tonight (trying to be funny.. in a way)
Flayme (4:43:58 AM): all I know is this is silly... this is so blown out of proportion comparant to what actually happened tonight
PsylentNayte (4:45:20 AM): yeah
PsylentNayte (4:45:33 AM): just a little too much
Flayme (4:45:50 AM): well I don't know what else to say
PsylentNayte (4:46:40 AM): ok... well, figure out exactly what you want.. cause if you feel that I shouldn't be there as much as I do.. then we have a problem
Flayme (4:49:30 AM): I do want to explain something though. When I say that I know that I'll want more, I'm not saying that I want to date you or anything like that. I just sometimes feel like you don't respect me, I mean I know that we are just friends but ... well example... the other night I gave you head and not 10 minutes later you were talking about another girl... it's doesn't necessarily bother my but I feel like I deserve you respect and I don't feel like I have that. I'm not saying you can't talk or be or do whatever you want it's just... well I guess it goes back to some of the things you say are hurtful and I'm rambling... my point is this. Please don't think that when I say I'll want more that I'm gonna all of a sudden want some grand declaration of love and commitment cause that is the farthest thing from my mind but please don't treat my like I don't matter either
PsylentNayte (4:51:04 AM): :-( sorry
Flayme (4:51:49 AM): it's fine it's just that, that night I still had the taste of your cum in my mouth and it was like I felt like a whore. Like all I am to you is a hole to stick you dick in and that's why I felt sick and got all nauseous (sp?)
PsylentNayte (4:53:26 AM): but see, that's not it at all.... I could do without all the sexual stuff, I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice... but I don't have a strong drive...
Flayme (4:53:58 AM): then maybe it's best if it doesn't happen anymore
Flayme (4:55:13 AM): that's really not what I want but if it doedn't matter to you either way then maybe it's best
PsylentNayte (4:57:16 AM): if that's what you feel is best... I enjoy it... but maybe it shouldn't be every time im over
Flayme (4:57:23 AM): yeah right
Flayme (4:57:36 AM): we haven't had sex in like a week and a half
PsylentNayte (4:57:44 AM): im not just talking about sex
Flayme (4:57:47 AM): just because you get off all the time... well... lemme just stop there
PsylentNayte (4:57:58 AM): im talkin about head, kissing... etc..
PsylentNayte (4:58:07 AM): like, we never just plain old "chill"
Flayme (4:58:24 AM): is that what you want?
Flayme (4:58:32 AM): brb... need cig's
PsylentNayte (4:58:37 AM): I don't know what I want
PsylentNayte (4:58:37 AM): k
PsylentNayte (4:59:16 AM): I could deal with coming over there a few days a week, and only mess around 1 of those days
Flayme (4:59:33 AM): don't you think that fact that we have to have rules says something?
Flayme (5:00:22 AM): and if we do that then who gets to decide which day we mess around?
PsylentNayte (5:00:30 AM): whenever it happens
PsylentNayte (5:00:38 AM): I don't plan those things
PsylentNayte (5:00:43 AM): well, try not to
PsylentNayte (5:01:15 AM): when it happens it happens... when we both get the desire to be with the other
Flayme (5:02:32 AM): look, I can't be around you and not touch you. I can't just chill with you, I can't just not kiss you, not touch you. I mean yeah I can sometimes but to have to fight that all the time, whenever your around, to have to wait until you get the desire to do anything. I just don't know
PsylentNayte (5:06:00 AM): well, I mean, I can turn into a "chillable booty call"... I really don't know...there's just times that im not in the mood for anything physical...
Flayme (5:06:18 AM): yeah I noticed
Flayme (5:06:30 AM): like when you kicked me off the couch this morning
PsylentNayte (5:06:34 AM): and I can't do anything about that...
PsylentNayte (5:06:43 AM): no, I was just way uncomfortable this morning
PsylentNayte (5:06:46 AM): had nothing to do with that
PsylentNayte (5:07:03 AM): I love when you lay with me....
Flayme (5:07:15 AM): well it's not gonna happen anymore
Flayme (5:07:18 AM): I'm sorry
Flayme (5:07:20 AM): but it can't
PsylentNayte (5:07:23 AM): ok
Flayme (5:07:29 AM): I love it
Flayme (5:07:38 AM): but you can't have it both ways
PsylentNayte (5:07:56 AM): I was just saying that it wasn't that this morning
Flayme (5:08:11 AM): if you want us to just be friends who occasionally have sex that is fine but then that's all it is
PsylentNayte (5:08:29 AM): ok, that's fine
Flayme (5:08:47 AM): are you sure? I want you to remember this was your decision cause my attitude will change
Flayme (5:08:56 AM): how I act will change
PsylentNayte (5:09:11 AM): well I don't wanna be scowled at when I walk in the room
Flayme (5:09:17 AM): I'm not saying that
PsylentNayte (5:09:22 AM): :-P
Flayme (5:09:30 AM): I'm just saying that we don't act like just friends sometimes
Flayme (5:09:48 AM): and if that is truly what you want then you need to stick to that
PsylentNayte (5:10:13 AM): I can stick to it
Flayme (5:10:17 AM): fine
Flayme (5:10:57 AM): I however can't just turn of my emotions
Flayme (5:11:01 AM): so I'm gonna need some time
PsylentNayte (5:11:06 AM): that's fine
PsylentNayte (5:11:16 AM): with complete absence of me?
Flayme (5:11:21 AM): yes
Flayme (5:11:28 AM): I need to detach
Flayme (5:11:31 AM): I love you
Flayme (5:11:34 AM): I need to not
Flayme (5:11:48 AM): and that's gonna take some time
PsylentNayte (5:11:57 AM): no, you just don't need to display it all the time
Flayme (5:12:03 AM): if you wanna hang out that's fine
Flayme (5:12:08 AM): but no touching
Flayme (5:12:10 AM): at all
Flayme (5:12:21 AM): cause I'll just wanna be with you
PsylentNayte (5:12:22 AM): unless we're gonna have sex
Flayme (5:12:26 AM): no
Flayme (5:12:27 AM): no sex
Flayme (5:12:29 AM): not for a while
Flayme (5:12:37 AM): I can't
PsylentNayte (5:12:40 AM): k
Flayme (5:12:51 AM): we need to be just friends for a while
Flayme (5:13:07 AM): and as sad as I am to say this, I don't know if I'll ever sleep with you again
Flayme (5:13:11 AM): cause I feel too much when I do
PsylentNayte (5:13:16 AM): ok, then you call me when you think you're over it
PsylentNayte (5:13:18 AM): ok
PsylentNayte (5:13:19 AM): fine
PsylentNayte (5:13:25 AM): but to keep you as a friend, I'll do it
Flayme (5:13:27 AM): no it's really not fine
PsylentNayte (5:13:41 AM): you mean a lot...
Flayme (5:14:00 AM): gimmie a sec, myke's home
PsylentNayte (5:14:09 AM): k, brb as well
Flayme (5:14:21 AM): well I'm back but okl
Flayme (5:16:12 AM): thing is it's like all I want to do right now is be with you, to wrap myself up in you and just feel your presence
Flayme (5:16:56 AM): and my cigerettes are above the visor on the passenger side of your car
PsylentNayte (5:23:04 AM): oh
PsylentNayte (5:23:09 AM): I'll make sure I get em to ya
PsylentNayte (5:23:59 AM): and I know how you feel, cause there's some times that I feel that way too... I just wanna lay with you, hold you... be held.... your presence is unique... not like anyone else I know... and it's great.. but sometimes I just have a bunch of shit on my mind....
PsylentNayte (5:24:09 AM): and that it's not priority all the time
Flayme (5:24:32 AM): thing is I don't force myself on you
Flayme (5:24:36 AM): but sometimes I feel like it
PsylentNayte (5:25:17 AM): it's just sometimes I want to be held... sometimes I want to feel your lips against mine for hours... sometimes I want to feel you against me...
PsylentNayte (5:25:47 AM): sometimes I just want to taste your skin...
PsylentNayte (5:25:55 AM): I don't feel the same all the time...
Flayme (5:26:07 AM): we are supposed to be friends as dumb as that sounds, you make me feel like no one else has ever made me feel and when I look at you and talk to you I just feel happy. You make me happy and I can't explain why, I don't understand why
Flayme (5:26:15 AM): I do know what you mean
Flayme (5:26:17 AM): mean*
Flayme (5:26:27 AM): I don't always want to so things
Flayme (5:26:40 AM): sometimes I just want to be next to you
PsylentNayte (5:27:25 AM): the only time around you, that im not happy, are times like tonight...
PsylentNayte (5:27:30 AM): and it's always over stupid shit
Flayme (5:27:33 AM): yeah
Flayme (5:27:51 AM): I'm so beyond mad... I'm just so overwhelmingly sad right now
Flayme (5:28:04 AM): I can't even explain it
Flayme (5:29:00 AM): saying that I need space and can't see you is the last thing I want to do and I know for a fact that if that is what we do decide... that we won't see each other for a while.. I know it is going to be hard for me
PsylentNayte (5:30:22 AM): well, im content on the comfort things like holding each other and laying next to, I can do that anytime... but I just can't go for the sexual stuff all the time
Flayme (5:30:34 AM): do you feel like I pressure you?
Flayme (5:30:43 AM): cause sometimes that's how I feel
PsylentNayte (5:31:51 AM): I told you before, every girl that I've been with, seems to (in the end) just want sex.. and I know you aren't like that... sometimes I give in, cause I know that's what you want...
PsylentNayte (5:32:01 AM): and I always feel weird saying "no"
PsylentNayte (5:32:03 AM): I always have
Flayme (5:32:31 AM): to me sometimes it's not about sex, it's about being close to you. Sometimes when I feel like you are pushing me away I use sex
Flayme (5:32:57 AM): cause I know that in some way I turn you on and that maybe for a little while that it will make everything ok
PsylentNayte (5:33:25 AM): you turn me on a lot more than you think you prolly do...
PsylentNayte (5:33:55 AM): but if you "make me" get turned on.. like, try and get me in the mood when im not... it may work, but I may change subject completely afterwards
Flayme (5:34:10 AM): do I do that?
PsylentNayte (5:34:20 AM): have once or twice... not a lot
Flayme (5:34:25 AM): I'm sorry
PsylentNayte (5:34:27 AM): and I couldn't pick out the times you have
PsylentNayte (5:34:36 AM): it's cool hon, should've told you this a long time ago
PsylentNayte (5:35:08 AM): oh, (completely off the subject) you should totally try "hershey's milkshake cookies n cream chocolate milk"
Flayme (5:35:17 AM): I guess sometimes I feel slighted.. I'm not saying I don't LOVE going down on you but after I do it's like you completely shut me out sometimes... which .. well I dunno.
Flayme (5:35:26 AM): good?... sounds sorta yummy
PsylentNayte (5:35:31 AM): yeah... very good
PsylentNayte (5:35:42 AM): and yeah, that's what im talking about...
Flayme (5:35:54 AM): but you do that a lot
Flayme (5:35:58 AM): after sex
Flayme (5:36:02 AM): you change
Flayme (5:36:11 AM): you act, talk and treat me different
Flayme (5:36:33 AM): not always but a lot
PsylentNayte (5:37:10 AM): I never really know what to do/say after sex.. I've never just slept with someone, it's always been more than that...
Flayme (5:37:21 AM): see but to me
Flayme (5:37:25 AM): when we have sex
Flayme (5:37:28 AM): it is more than that
Flayme (5:37:31 AM): I'm not saying
PsylentNayte (5:37:35 AM): no no, that's not what I mean,
PsylentNayte (5:38:21 AM): I mean, it's been a relationship.. where afterwards, we'd just talk about "us" and how much we love eachother and stuff
PsylentNayte (5:38:24 AM): sappy I know
Flayme (5:38:27 AM): no it's not
Flayme (5:38:31 AM): I know what you mean
PsylentNayte (5:39:03 AM): *shrug* I don't know how else to explain, it's just different... has been for me... and you are a first in many areas for me
Flayme (5:39:08 AM): maybe I shouldn't have let you in so completely but it's something about you that makes me drop all my defences
PsylentNayte (5:39:11 AM): you're almost like a whole new world
Flayme (5:39:16 AM): believe me, I know what you mean
PsylentNayte (5:39:20 AM): k
Flayme (5:39:22 AM): I'm new to this
Flayme (5:39:29 AM): I've been with myke for 10 years
Flayme (5:39:56 AM): none of this is easy for me, it's all new to me
Flayme (5:40:09 AM): brb... drinking jack... must go br
PsylentNayte (5:40:48 AM): k
PsylentNayte (5:40:59 AM): we just have to talk more about how we feel....
PsylentNayte (5:41:08 AM): but I gotta go... roommate wants computer back
PsylentNayte (5:41:14 AM): and has wanted it back for a while
PsylentNayte (5:41:17 AM): :-P
PsylentNayte (5:41:22 AM): they all bow to me
PsylentNayte (5:41:28 AM): so it's ok
Flayme (5:41:32 AM): oh
Flayme (5:41:36 AM): well ok
Flayme (5:41:50 AM): I was gonna see if you wanted to come over.. but I gues it is sorta late
PsylentNayte (5:42:00 AM): I promise that I will talk to you about this more tomorrow... yeah, im about to crash
Flayme (5:42:05 AM): I just wanna see you and not be all mad specially if it's gonna be a while
PsylentNayte (5:42:06 AM): too much thinking made my head hurt
Flayme (5:42:13 AM): yeah crying gave me a headache
PsylentNayte (5:42:18 AM): you want me to come over after school tomorrow?
Flayme (5:42:31 AM): it's up to you
Flayme (5:42:33 AM): if you want to
PsylentNayte (5:42:36 AM): k, I'll be there
Flayme (5:42:40 AM): I wanna be with you
Flayme (5:42:47 AM): honestly
Flayme (5:42:50 AM): that's all I want
PsylentNayte (5:42:50 AM): is emotional contact still allowed tomorrow?
PsylentNayte (5:43:01 AM): cause I know I'll want a hug
Flayme (5:43:04 AM): yeah
PsylentNayte (5:43:09 AM): k
PsylentNayte (5:43:25 AM): well then, until tomorrow my fair lady
PsylentNayte (5:43:28 AM): *bows*
Flayme (5:43:31 AM): night hun
Flayme (5:43:34 AM): sleep well
PsylentNayte (5:43:34 AM): sweet dreams
PsylentNayte (5:43:36 AM): you too
Flayme (5:43:40 AM): I'll try
PsylentNayte (5:43:52 AM): don't let the bed bugs bite
Flayme (5:44:00 AM): if they do hit um with a shoe
Flayme (5:44:01 AM): :-P
PsylentNayte (5:44:04 AM): lol
PsylentNayte (5:44:08 AM): never heard that b4
Flayme (5:44:11 AM): yeah it goes
Flayme (5:44:18 AM): don't let the bed bugs bite
Flayme (5:44:20 AM): if they do
Flayme (5:44:23 AM): hit um with a shoe
Flayme (5:44:25 AM): save one for me
Flayme (5:44:29 AM): and I'll save one for you
PsylentNayte (5:44:35 AM): lol
Flayme (5:44:37 AM): lol
Flayme (5:44:42 AM): there is more but I forget
Flayme (5:44:47 AM): it's actually cute
PsylentNayte (5:44:52 AM): yeah, sounds it :-)
Flayme (5:44:54 AM): but I'll let ya go
Flayme (5:44:57 AM): and hun
Flayme (5:44:59 AM): question
PsylentNayte (5:45:03 AM): yeah. they're tapping their feet...
PsylentNayte (5:45:04 AM): sure
Flayme (5:45:05 AM): well you .. if you want... no pressue
Flayme (5:45:13 AM): can we .. ya know.. tomorrow
Flayme (5:45:15 AM): maybe?
PsylentNayte (5:45:29 AM): im not gonna promise
PsylentNayte (5:45:41 AM): but it's definatly a possibility ;-)
Flayme (5:45:45 AM): lol
Flayme (5:45:56 AM): no pressure... just want to
Flayme (5:45:59 AM): *shrug*
PsylentNayte (5:46:01 AM): understood
Flayme (5:46:03 AM): night hun
PsylentNayte (5:46:06 AM): 'night
Last night Nate and I got into this big huge "thing". I... well I dunno, I have to go to class but I need to figure out a way to cover my eyes, they are swollen from crying all night.
Flayme (2:40:37 AM): what?
PsylentNayte (2:40:40 AM): so how pissed are you really?
Flayme (2:40:46 AM): I'm not pissed
Flayme (2:40:48 AM): I'm annoyed
Flayme (2:40:55 AM): I don't like waiting on people
PsylentNayte (2:41:07 AM): im sorry, I didn't know how long it was gonna last
PsylentNayte (2:41:17 AM): we never even finished because we're all sick of playing
PsylentNayte (2:41:24 AM): the game just would not end...
PsylentNayte (2:41:29 AM): please don't be mad at me....
Flayme (2:41:52 AM): whatever it's fine, I just would have appreciated a call saying... hey um... I'm not gonna get there till late and all would have been copacetic
PsylentNayte (2:42:19 AM): *sigh* well, I really apologize...
PsylentNayte (2:42:27 AM): and I guess I'll see you when I see you..
Flayme (2:42:33 AM): if that's what you want
Flayme (2:42:37 AM): then fine
PsylentNayte (2:42:38 AM): it's not what I want
PsylentNayte (2:42:43 AM): ]but you're gonna be busy]
PsylentNayte (2:42:52 AM): stupid unnatural keyboards
Flayme (2:42:59 AM): whatever we both know I'm full of shit
Flayme (2:43:03 AM): I do have plans Friday
Flayme (2:43:09 AM): I was just mad
PsylentNayte (2:43:14 AM): that's fine...
PsylentNayte (2:43:27 AM): I mean, if you wanna go out.. please do.. but I would also love to spend the time with you
Flayme (2:43:46 AM): well I am not going anywhere Friday but jay is coming over
Flayme (2:43:50 AM): and I wanna spend alone time with him
PsylentNayte (2:43:58 AM): I just really didn't think I would be here this long
PsylentNayte (2:44:00 AM): that's cool
PsylentNayte (2:44:05 AM): I respect that
PsylentNayte (2:44:56 AM): well, sweet dreams, and again, im sorry I annoyed you....
Flayme (2:45:02 AM): so are you staying there then?
PsylentNayte (2:45:41 AM): yeah, but tonight only... unless you want me out tomorrow night all night, I can arrange that
Flayme (2:45:57 AM): huh?
PsylentNayte (2:45:59 AM): else I was gonna come back around midnight
PsylentNayte (2:46:04 AM): for time alone with jay
Flayme (2:46:10 AM): tomorrow is Thursday
PsylentNayte (2:46:15 AM): oh
PsylentNayte (2:46:18 AM): *smack*
PsylentNayte (2:46:26 AM): sorry
Flayme (2:46:52 AM): whatever
PsylentNayte (2:47:02 AM): I'll be back tomorrow afternoon
Flayme (2:47:04 AM): no
PsylentNayte (2:47:08 AM): ok
PsylentNayte (2:47:14 AM): evening?
Flayme (2:47:18 AM): unless it's to get your shit
Flayme (2:47:21 AM): I have school
Flayme (2:47:30 AM): and I have to finish stapling this shit
Flayme (2:47:35 AM): and pouring the oils and stuff
PsylentNayte (2:48:34 AM): wow, I feel really bad.. sure you don't want me to come back and help you with that stuff?
PsylentNayte (2:48:50 AM): I completely forgot :-(
Flayme (2:49:02 AM): it's fine I learned long ago I can't count on anyone but myself
PsylentNayte (2:50:33 AM): I really do feel bad
PsylentNayte (2:51:22 AM): but I'll let go.. u need the rest... and im not doin too good tonight
Flayme (2:51:27 AM): ?
Flayme (2:51:34 AM): I'm not going to go to bed for a while
Flayme (2:51:37 AM): I have shit to do
Flayme (2:52:02 AM): and im not doin too good tonight?
PsylentNayte (2:52:18 AM): at being a friend
Flayme (2:52:34 AM): I wouldn't go that far
PsylentNayte (2:52:44 AM): yeah.. I would...
Flayme (2:53:18 AM): why? It's not that huge of a deal
PsylentNayte (2:53:23 AM): it just pisses me off when I do this shit... like, I know it makes you look at me in a negative way.. and that's what I don't want.. but then again, I always do it to myself
PsylentNayte (2:53:27 AM): but I told you I would
PsylentNayte (2:53:29 AM): it's my word
PsylentNayte (2:53:36 AM): *shrug* it's how I look at it
PsylentNayte (2:53:44 AM): I always try and do the things I say im gonna
PsylentNayte (2:54:14 AM): but then sometimes I just get carried away in what's happening that I forget about the plans that I made
Flayme (2:55:52 AM): look, it's fine. I was pissed, I still am a little bit but not really. It just annoys me that... I can't think of how to put it
Flayme (2:56:14 AM): had I known you weren't coming over
Flayme (2:56:20 AM): darius wanted to come over
Flayme (2:56:33 AM): I just would appreciate a phone call is all
PsylentNayte (2:56:46 AM): yeah....:-(
Flayme (2:57:04 AM): like it's just that I said no because I figured you were coming over
Flayme (2:57:07 AM): but you didn't
PsylentNayte (2:57:14 AM): yeah, I understand
Flayme (2:58:16 AM): well, I guess I'll let you alone
PsylentNayte (2:58:38 AM): k... have a good night...
PsylentNayte (2:58:41 AM): or try
Flayme (2:58:43 AM): whatever
Flayme (2:59:00 AM): ya know what
Flayme (2:59:03 AM): come get your stuff
Flayme (2:59:08 AM): either tonight or tomorrow
PsylentNayte (2:59:17 AM): I'll be there tomorrow
Flayme (2:59:21 AM): I won't be
Flayme (2:59:29 AM): your stuff will be in a bag or box or whatever
PsylentNayte (3:00:09 AM): nm, I'll just come now...
PsylentNayte (3:00:13 AM): I'll see you in like, 145
PsylentNayte (3:00:14 AM): 14
PsylentNayte (3:00:22 AM): soon
PsylentNayte (3:00:27 AM): later
PsylentNayte signed off at 3:00:30 AM.
Flayme (3:00:30 AM): did you want me to get everything ready
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Previous message was not received by PsylentNayte because of error (3:00:31 AM): User PsylentNayte is not available.
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PsylentNayte (4:15:46 AM): hey, I left milk in my car, I'll brb
PsylentNayte (4:15:55 AM): then we'll talk
PsylentNayte (4:18:18 AM): ok back
Flayme (4:18:20 AM): k
PsylentNayte (4:18:41 AM): I just didn't know what to say... or if I had anything at all to say
PsylentNayte (4:19:07 AM): I was too busy thinking
Flayme (4:19:15 AM): I don't know, I just feel like shit. Like I'm being punished for getting upset
PsylentNayte (4:19:29 AM): why do you feel that you are getting punished
PsylentNayte (4:19:43 AM): im not doing anything to make you feel that way... at least not intentionally
Flayme (4:20:03 AM): I wanted to talk to you but you just left
Flayme (4:20:11 AM): I understand you were thinking
PsylentNayte (4:20:24 AM): I didn't know... you were sitting there, I didn't know what was going through your mind...
Flayme (4:20:37 AM): I was trying not to cry
Flayme (4:20:39 AM): that's it
Flayme (4:21:25 AM): well that's not it but when you came back to get your pillow
Flayme (4:21:49 AM): that's all I was thinking about cause I was crying when I went downstairs and when I calle dyou and up till you stepped on the porch
PsylentNayte (4:22:03 AM): yeah...:-(
PsylentNayte (4:22:13 AM): you should not feel punished in any way
Flayme (4:22:54 AM): well you won't tell me what is going on, I don't know what the hell just happened, I feel like I'm losing my friend and it hurts and it's not fair and... fuck... cry...
PsylentNayte (4:24:34 AM): what do you mean I wont tell you what's going on? I mean, im just disappointed in myself, and I know you said it's no big deal... but.. it's just how I am... I feel that I've done you wrong... and don't worry, you're not gonna lose me.. I just feel that I've spent too much time over there... not that I haven't enjoyed every bit of it... but too much too fast can be overwhelming
PsylentNayte (4:24:47 AM): and I don't that to cause a problem as well
PsylentNayte (4:24:54 AM): there's just a communication problem we have...
PsylentNayte (4:25:02 AM): and if im going to continue to come over there
PsylentNayte (4:25:10 AM): you should prolly set some rules for me to go by
Flayme (4:25:15 AM): like?
PsylentNayte (4:25:20 AM): it is your house... I shouldn't be able to come and go as I please...
Flayme (4:26:11 AM): if you feel like we spend too much time together then that's fine and I can respect that but you are the one saying that, not me
PsylentNayte (4:26:22 AM): I know
PsylentNayte (4:26:46 AM): but I don't want to take the chance of one of us getting too attached or used to being around the other...
PsylentNayte (4:27:00 AM): not saying that it's a bad thing
Flayme (4:27:03 AM): then maybe we should just end it now
PsylentNayte (4:27:05 AM): but it can lead to bad things
PsylentNayte (4:27:10 AM): end what?
Flayme (4:27:14 AM): everything
PsylentNayte (4:28:03 AM): I don't want to lose what we have... and I don't want to drown it either
Flayme (4:28:10 AM): I can't control how I feel, I can't help it. I am attached to you and yes, it is in just a friend way but I'm not going to apologize or feel bad about it and maybe it's for the best if we don't spend time together cause I can't be the only one in our friendship who is attached. I've been there. It's too hard.
PsylentNayte (4:28:52 AM): I didn't say that I wasn't attached... I love spending time with you, and I look forward to coming down every time I do...
PsylentNayte (4:29:20 AM): I just don't think I should stay there for days in a row...
PsylentNayte (4:29:32 AM): like, if I came down every other day, that would be fine...
PsylentNayte (4:29:57 AM): but I don't live there, and I feel like im intruding on myke's behalf...
Flayme (4:30:08 AM): I don't really know what to say
PsylentNayte (4:30:29 AM): we have to keep what we have... please
Flayme (4:30:35 AM): if you feel like you shouldn't be here then don't come, I can't force you.
Flayme (4:30:55 AM): if you are uncomfortable about it then I can understand that
PsylentNayte (4:31:44 AM): im sorry this got way more complicated than it should've
Flayme (4:31:48 AM): ?
PsylentNayte (4:32:00 AM): just tonight in general
Flayme (4:32:48 AM): I tried to make up with you but it just felt like you didn't want ... well I don't know it just felt like there was this huge wall there and I didn't know what to do or say to you to make you feel better
PsylentNayte (4:33:47 AM): lets just forget tonight happened... can u do that?
PsylentNayte (4:34:00 AM): it'd just be better off that way
PsylentNayte (4:34:04 AM): we wont lose anything
PsylentNayte (4:34:16 AM): and that's key, cause I don't want to lose anything
Flayme (4:35:42 AM): thing is Nate, what do we have? I mean really. I love hanging out with you but I know eventually I'm gonna want more and I realized that tonight when you left and I couldn't stop myself from crying. I know you don't want that and I just don't know what to do cause I'm really confused. I want you in my life but it's so hard.
PsylentNayte (4:37:05 AM): I think we have a quality friendship.. and depending on how we came out of this, that could change...and I don't know what to say about you wanting more...
PsylentNayte (4:37:20 AM): maybe it's right what sherry said.. maybe it's cause you really only spend your time with me...
Flayme (4:38:20 AM): I don't know
Flayme (4:38:21 AM): maybe
Flayme (4:38:30 AM): maybe it doesn't matter
PsylentNayte (4:39:34 AM): true, maybe it doesn't
Flayme (4:39:57 AM): what do you want to do?
PsylentNayte (4:40:37 AM): I think that for now... the amount of time that I spend over there should be reduced... or spread throughout the week... days off in between so to speak
PsylentNayte (4:41:06 AM): and of course, some nights with a slumber party :-)
Flayme (4:41:11 AM): maybe
Flayme (4:41:13 AM): I dunno
PsylentNayte (4:41:28 AM): ok, well, that's what I think should happen...
PsylentNayte (4:41:32 AM): what do you think?
PsylentNayte (4:41:37 AM): we should find a happy medium
PsylentNayte (4:41:50 AM): if you don't know what you want right now.. take some time and think about it
Flayme (4:42:28 AM): I really don't know. I don't want to shut you out but I can feel every protective wall I have flying up.
Flayme (4:43:05 AM): I wanted to have sex with you tonight (trying to be funny.. in a way)
Flayme (4:43:58 AM): all I know is this is silly... this is so blown out of proportion comparant to what actually happened tonight
PsylentNayte (4:45:20 AM): yeah
PsylentNayte (4:45:33 AM): just a little too much
Flayme (4:45:50 AM): well I don't know what else to say
PsylentNayte (4:46:40 AM): ok... well, figure out exactly what you want.. cause if you feel that I shouldn't be there as much as I do.. then we have a problem
Flayme (4:49:30 AM): I do want to explain something though. When I say that I know that I'll want more, I'm not saying that I want to date you or anything like that. I just sometimes feel like you don't respect me, I mean I know that we are just friends but ... well example... the other night I gave you head and not 10 minutes later you were talking about another girl... it's doesn't necessarily bother my but I feel like I deserve you respect and I don't feel like I have that. I'm not saying you can't talk or be or do whatever you want it's just... well I guess it goes back to some of the things you say are hurtful and I'm rambling... my point is this. Please don't think that when I say I'll want more that I'm gonna all of a sudden want some grand declaration of love and commitment cause that is the farthest thing from my mind but please don't treat my like I don't matter either
PsylentNayte (4:51:04 AM): :-( sorry
Flayme (4:51:49 AM): it's fine it's just that, that night I still had the taste of your cum in my mouth and it was like I felt like a whore. Like all I am to you is a hole to stick you dick in and that's why I felt sick and got all nauseous (sp?)
PsylentNayte (4:53:26 AM): but see, that's not it at all.... I could do without all the sexual stuff, I mean, don't get me wrong, it's nice... but I don't have a strong drive...
Flayme (4:53:58 AM): then maybe it's best if it doesn't happen anymore
Flayme (4:55:13 AM): that's really not what I want but if it doedn't matter to you either way then maybe it's best
PsylentNayte (4:57:16 AM): if that's what you feel is best... I enjoy it... but maybe it shouldn't be every time im over
Flayme (4:57:23 AM): yeah right
Flayme (4:57:36 AM): we haven't had sex in like a week and a half
PsylentNayte (4:57:44 AM): im not just talking about sex
Flayme (4:57:47 AM): just because you get off all the time... well... lemme just stop there
PsylentNayte (4:57:58 AM): im talkin about head, kissing... etc..
PsylentNayte (4:58:07 AM): like, we never just plain old "chill"
Flayme (4:58:24 AM): is that what you want?
Flayme (4:58:32 AM): brb... need cig's
PsylentNayte (4:58:37 AM): I don't know what I want
PsylentNayte (4:58:37 AM): k
PsylentNayte (4:59:16 AM): I could deal with coming over there a few days a week, and only mess around 1 of those days
Flayme (4:59:33 AM): don't you think that fact that we have to have rules says something?
Flayme (5:00:22 AM): and if we do that then who gets to decide which day we mess around?
PsylentNayte (5:00:30 AM): whenever it happens
PsylentNayte (5:00:38 AM): I don't plan those things
PsylentNayte (5:00:43 AM): well, try not to
PsylentNayte (5:01:15 AM): when it happens it happens... when we both get the desire to be with the other
Flayme (5:02:32 AM): look, I can't be around you and not touch you. I can't just chill with you, I can't just not kiss you, not touch you. I mean yeah I can sometimes but to have to fight that all the time, whenever your around, to have to wait until you get the desire to do anything. I just don't know
PsylentNayte (5:06:00 AM): well, I mean, I can turn into a "chillable booty call"... I really don't know...there's just times that im not in the mood for anything physical...
Flayme (5:06:18 AM): yeah I noticed
Flayme (5:06:30 AM): like when you kicked me off the couch this morning
PsylentNayte (5:06:34 AM): and I can't do anything about that...
PsylentNayte (5:06:43 AM): no, I was just way uncomfortable this morning
PsylentNayte (5:06:46 AM): had nothing to do with that
PsylentNayte (5:07:03 AM): I love when you lay with me....
Flayme (5:07:15 AM): well it's not gonna happen anymore
Flayme (5:07:18 AM): I'm sorry
Flayme (5:07:20 AM): but it can't
PsylentNayte (5:07:23 AM): ok
Flayme (5:07:29 AM): I love it
Flayme (5:07:38 AM): but you can't have it both ways
PsylentNayte (5:07:56 AM): I was just saying that it wasn't that this morning
Flayme (5:08:11 AM): if you want us to just be friends who occasionally have sex that is fine but then that's all it is
PsylentNayte (5:08:29 AM): ok, that's fine
Flayme (5:08:47 AM): are you sure? I want you to remember this was your decision cause my attitude will change
Flayme (5:08:56 AM): how I act will change
PsylentNayte (5:09:11 AM): well I don't wanna be scowled at when I walk in the room
Flayme (5:09:17 AM): I'm not saying that
PsylentNayte (5:09:22 AM): :-P
Flayme (5:09:30 AM): I'm just saying that we don't act like just friends sometimes
Flayme (5:09:48 AM): and if that is truly what you want then you need to stick to that
PsylentNayte (5:10:13 AM): I can stick to it
Flayme (5:10:17 AM): fine
Flayme (5:10:57 AM): I however can't just turn of my emotions
Flayme (5:11:01 AM): so I'm gonna need some time
PsylentNayte (5:11:06 AM): that's fine
PsylentNayte (5:11:16 AM): with complete absence of me?
Flayme (5:11:21 AM): yes
Flayme (5:11:28 AM): I need to detach
Flayme (5:11:31 AM): I love you
Flayme (5:11:34 AM): I need to not
Flayme (5:11:48 AM): and that's gonna take some time
PsylentNayte (5:11:57 AM): no, you just don't need to display it all the time
Flayme (5:12:03 AM): if you wanna hang out that's fine
Flayme (5:12:08 AM): but no touching
Flayme (5:12:10 AM): at all
Flayme (5:12:21 AM): cause I'll just wanna be with you
PsylentNayte (5:12:22 AM): unless we're gonna have sex
Flayme (5:12:26 AM): no
Flayme (5:12:27 AM): no sex
Flayme (5:12:29 AM): not for a while
Flayme (5:12:37 AM): I can't
PsylentNayte (5:12:40 AM): k
Flayme (5:12:51 AM): we need to be just friends for a while
Flayme (5:13:07 AM): and as sad as I am to say this, I don't know if I'll ever sleep with you again
Flayme (5:13:11 AM): cause I feel too much when I do
PsylentNayte (5:13:16 AM): ok, then you call me when you think you're over it
PsylentNayte (5:13:18 AM): ok
PsylentNayte (5:13:19 AM): fine
PsylentNayte (5:13:25 AM): but to keep you as a friend, I'll do it
Flayme (5:13:27 AM): no it's really not fine
PsylentNayte (5:13:41 AM): you mean a lot...
Flayme (5:14:00 AM): gimmie a sec, myke's home
PsylentNayte (5:14:09 AM): k, brb as well
Flayme (5:14:21 AM): well I'm back but okl
Flayme (5:16:12 AM): thing is it's like all I want to do right now is be with you, to wrap myself up in you and just feel your presence
Flayme (5:16:56 AM): and my cigerettes are above the visor on the passenger side of your car
PsylentNayte (5:23:04 AM): oh
PsylentNayte (5:23:09 AM): I'll make sure I get em to ya
PsylentNayte (5:23:59 AM): and I know how you feel, cause there's some times that I feel that way too... I just wanna lay with you, hold you... be held.... your presence is unique... not like anyone else I know... and it's great.. but sometimes I just have a bunch of shit on my mind....
PsylentNayte (5:24:09 AM): and that it's not priority all the time
Flayme (5:24:32 AM): thing is I don't force myself on you
Flayme (5:24:36 AM): but sometimes I feel like it
PsylentNayte (5:25:17 AM): it's just sometimes I want to be held... sometimes I want to feel your lips against mine for hours... sometimes I want to feel you against me...
PsylentNayte (5:25:47 AM): sometimes I just want to taste your skin...
PsylentNayte (5:25:55 AM): I don't feel the same all the time...
Flayme (5:26:07 AM): we are supposed to be friends as dumb as that sounds, you make me feel like no one else has ever made me feel and when I look at you and talk to you I just feel happy. You make me happy and I can't explain why, I don't understand why
Flayme (5:26:15 AM): I do know what you mean
Flayme (5:26:17 AM): mean*
Flayme (5:26:27 AM): I don't always want to so things
Flayme (5:26:40 AM): sometimes I just want to be next to you
PsylentNayte (5:27:25 AM): the only time around you, that im not happy, are times like tonight...
PsylentNayte (5:27:30 AM): and it's always over stupid shit
Flayme (5:27:33 AM): yeah
Flayme (5:27:51 AM): I'm so beyond mad... I'm just so overwhelmingly sad right now
Flayme (5:28:04 AM): I can't even explain it
Flayme (5:29:00 AM): saying that I need space and can't see you is the last thing I want to do and I know for a fact that if that is what we do decide... that we won't see each other for a while.. I know it is going to be hard for me
PsylentNayte (5:30:22 AM): well, im content on the comfort things like holding each other and laying next to, I can do that anytime... but I just can't go for the sexual stuff all the time
Flayme (5:30:34 AM): do you feel like I pressure you?
Flayme (5:30:43 AM): cause sometimes that's how I feel
PsylentNayte (5:31:51 AM): I told you before, every girl that I've been with, seems to (in the end) just want sex.. and I know you aren't like that... sometimes I give in, cause I know that's what you want...
PsylentNayte (5:32:01 AM): and I always feel weird saying "no"
PsylentNayte (5:32:03 AM): I always have
Flayme (5:32:31 AM): to me sometimes it's not about sex, it's about being close to you. Sometimes when I feel like you are pushing me away I use sex
Flayme (5:32:57 AM): cause I know that in some way I turn you on and that maybe for a little while that it will make everything ok
PsylentNayte (5:33:25 AM): you turn me on a lot more than you think you prolly do...
PsylentNayte (5:33:55 AM): but if you "make me" get turned on.. like, try and get me in the mood when im not... it may work, but I may change subject completely afterwards
Flayme (5:34:10 AM): do I do that?
PsylentNayte (5:34:20 AM): have once or twice... not a lot
Flayme (5:34:25 AM): I'm sorry
PsylentNayte (5:34:27 AM): and I couldn't pick out the times you have
PsylentNayte (5:34:36 AM): it's cool hon, should've told you this a long time ago
PsylentNayte (5:35:08 AM): oh, (completely off the subject) you should totally try "hershey's milkshake cookies n cream chocolate milk"
Flayme (5:35:17 AM): I guess sometimes I feel slighted.. I'm not saying I don't LOVE going down on you but after I do it's like you completely shut me out sometimes... which .. well I dunno.
Flayme (5:35:26 AM): good?... sounds sorta yummy
PsylentNayte (5:35:31 AM): yeah... very good
PsylentNayte (5:35:42 AM): and yeah, that's what im talking about...
Flayme (5:35:54 AM): but you do that a lot
Flayme (5:35:58 AM): after sex
Flayme (5:36:02 AM): you change
Flayme (5:36:11 AM): you act, talk and treat me different
Flayme (5:36:33 AM): not always but a lot
PsylentNayte (5:37:10 AM): I never really know what to do/say after sex.. I've never just slept with someone, it's always been more than that...
Flayme (5:37:21 AM): see but to me
Flayme (5:37:25 AM): when we have sex
Flayme (5:37:28 AM): it is more than that
Flayme (5:37:31 AM): I'm not saying
PsylentNayte (5:37:35 AM): no no, that's not what I mean,
PsylentNayte (5:38:21 AM): I mean, it's been a relationship.. where afterwards, we'd just talk about "us" and how much we love eachother and stuff
PsylentNayte (5:38:24 AM): sappy I know
Flayme (5:38:27 AM): no it's not
Flayme (5:38:31 AM): I know what you mean
PsylentNayte (5:39:03 AM): *shrug* I don't know how else to explain, it's just different... has been for me... and you are a first in many areas for me
Flayme (5:39:08 AM): maybe I shouldn't have let you in so completely but it's something about you that makes me drop all my defences
PsylentNayte (5:39:11 AM): you're almost like a whole new world
Flayme (5:39:16 AM): believe me, I know what you mean
PsylentNayte (5:39:20 AM): k
Flayme (5:39:22 AM): I'm new to this
Flayme (5:39:29 AM): I've been with myke for 10 years
Flayme (5:39:56 AM): none of this is easy for me, it's all new to me
Flayme (5:40:09 AM): brb... drinking jack... must go br
PsylentNayte (5:40:48 AM): k
PsylentNayte (5:40:59 AM): we just have to talk more about how we feel....
PsylentNayte (5:41:08 AM): but I gotta go... roommate wants computer back
PsylentNayte (5:41:14 AM): and has wanted it back for a while
PsylentNayte (5:41:17 AM): :-P
PsylentNayte (5:41:22 AM): they all bow to me
PsylentNayte (5:41:28 AM): so it's ok
Flayme (5:41:32 AM): oh
Flayme (5:41:36 AM): well ok
Flayme (5:41:50 AM): I was gonna see if you wanted to come over.. but I gues it is sorta late
PsylentNayte (5:42:00 AM): I promise that I will talk to you about this more tomorrow... yeah, im about to crash
Flayme (5:42:05 AM): I just wanna see you and not be all mad specially if it's gonna be a while
PsylentNayte (5:42:06 AM): too much thinking made my head hurt
Flayme (5:42:13 AM): yeah crying gave me a headache
PsylentNayte (5:42:18 AM): you want me to come over after school tomorrow?
Flayme (5:42:31 AM): it's up to you
Flayme (5:42:33 AM): if you want to
PsylentNayte (5:42:36 AM): k, I'll be there
Flayme (5:42:40 AM): I wanna be with you
Flayme (5:42:47 AM): honestly
Flayme (5:42:50 AM): that's all I want
PsylentNayte (5:42:50 AM): is emotional contact still allowed tomorrow?
PsylentNayte (5:43:01 AM): cause I know I'll want a hug
Flayme (5:43:04 AM): yeah
PsylentNayte (5:43:09 AM): k
PsylentNayte (5:43:25 AM): well then, until tomorrow my fair lady
PsylentNayte (5:43:28 AM): *bows*
Flayme (5:43:31 AM): night hun
Flayme (5:43:34 AM): sleep well
PsylentNayte (5:43:34 AM): sweet dreams
PsylentNayte (5:43:36 AM): you too
Flayme (5:43:40 AM): I'll try
PsylentNayte (5:43:52 AM): don't let the bed bugs bite
Flayme (5:44:00 AM): if they do hit um with a shoe
Flayme (5:44:01 AM): :-P
PsylentNayte (5:44:04 AM): lol
PsylentNayte (5:44:08 AM): never heard that b4
Flayme (5:44:11 AM): yeah it goes
Flayme (5:44:18 AM): don't let the bed bugs bite
Flayme (5:44:20 AM): if they do
Flayme (5:44:23 AM): hit um with a shoe
Flayme (5:44:25 AM): save one for me
Flayme (5:44:29 AM): and I'll save one for you
PsylentNayte (5:44:35 AM): lol
Flayme (5:44:37 AM): lol
Flayme (5:44:42 AM): there is more but I forget
Flayme (5:44:47 AM): it's actually cute
PsylentNayte (5:44:52 AM): yeah, sounds it :-)
Flayme (5:44:54 AM): but I'll let ya go
Flayme (5:44:57 AM): and hun
Flayme (5:44:59 AM): question
PsylentNayte (5:45:03 AM): yeah. they're tapping their feet...
PsylentNayte (5:45:04 AM): sure
Flayme (5:45:05 AM): well you .. if you want... no pressue
Flayme (5:45:13 AM): can we .. ya know.. tomorrow
Flayme (5:45:15 AM): maybe?
PsylentNayte (5:45:29 AM): im not gonna promise
PsylentNayte (5:45:41 AM): but it's definatly a possibility ;-)
Flayme (5:45:45 AM): lol
Flayme (5:45:56 AM): no pressure... just want to
Flayme (5:45:59 AM): *shrug*
PsylentNayte (5:46:01 AM): understood
Flayme (5:46:03 AM): night hun
PsylentNayte (5:46:06 AM): 'night