Lamest. Date. Ever. [Oneshot]
[Lamest. Date. Ever. - Oneshot] Please enjoy this bit of randomness. xD It took a while for my creative juices to flow, but it came out eventually. Congradualtions,
sunnyade for winning my last ninja!fic request challenge. x3 Please enjoy your prize~
It was dark and the merry-go-round creaked with a vengeance. Mwahaha.
“This is lame.”
“It is not lame.”
“This is catastrophically lame.”
“It is not catastrophically lame.”
“Don’t lie to yourself,” Changmin lightly punched Junsu who stumbled into a wall covered with cobwebs made out of cotton and spray-on sparkles. “This is lame and little boys who lie get struck by lightning.”
“It is not lame…and I am not a little boy!” Junsu protested with a pout.
Changmin snickered and wiggles his eyebrows and glanced down at the other’s lower regions. “That’s not what Jaejoong said before you two broke up.”
Junsu proceeded to pounce on Changmin’s back, pulling his hair and biting his neck until the other screamed for mercy between laughter and useless flailing. It was the love within the violence that made it that much more endearing.
“Ack! Get off!”
“You do-ngh-n’t want me off,” Junsu growled into the bite marks engraved in his neck and tightened his legs around Changmin’s waist.
“Fine,” Without much further warning, Changmin reached around behind him and grabbed hold of something large, soft and grabbable now perched just above his waist.
“You pervert!” Junsu shrieked, jumping at the sudden intrusion of his hindquarters.
“You like it,” Changmin grinned.
“I’m not getting down.”
“You don’t have to.’
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Whatever.”
“You know it’s whatever.”
“I hope you’re ready to carry me through this whole haunted house.”
“You’re about as light as this place is lame, so it should be no problem.”
“Screw you.”
“No thanks.”
Was it a date? How could wandering around a haunted house within a closed amusement park at night with your best friend be considered a date? Laughing at scary skeletons that gaped blankly into space. Ducking paper bats that hung from the ceiling by a store-bought string. Stepping on plastic spiders that sporadically littered the floor. Occasionally making out next to a coffin or two. These were all just the benefits of being best friends.
Best friends.
“You’re uncle’s awesome level just hit the red zone, Junsu,” Changmin commented as a toilet paper wrapped mummy fell clumsily out of a secluded corner, the two assumed was meant to be for storage until the staff could repair the strange dent in the mannequin’s right shin.
“My uncle is still awesome,” Junsu nipped at Changmin’s ear as punishment. “No need to be negative.”
“Negative? Su, the fact that he owns an amusement park is great, but this one haunted house dead in the center of it just puts a giant stain in the middle of his awesomeness.”
“There is no stain of non-awesomeness. You’re the one that wanted to go in the haunted house which was clearly meant for kids,” Junsu retorted stubbornly.
Changmin kicked a paper cup lying on the floor. “Well, what else are we supposed to do? This place is closed. It’s not like we can make a roller coaster work all by ourselves. And what if we get caught?”
“Psh. We won’t get caught,” Junsu rolled his eyes and tightened his grip around Changmin’s neck. “The security guards are probably passed out drunk somewhere and come on, my uncle owns this place. That means I practically own this place.”
It was Changmin’s turn to roll his eyes. “Oh yeah? Then why’d we have to jump the fence and almost die in a bush shaped like an elephant on the other side?”
Junsu’s brow furrowed and he looked up with a finger on his chin as if in deep thought. “Well, it’s not like he was going to give me the keys!”
Keys…keys…keys…keys…keys……
The two paused for a second as the echo bounced off the walls, traveling through the shadows as if the liquid darkness propelled it further and further through the caverns of the haunted house.
“I don’t remember this place ever having an echo,” Junsu whispered quietly near Changmin’s ear.
Changmin cleared his throat as if to clear away the eerie feeling that briefly washed over them and passed like an April shower. “It’s just because you’re so obnoxiously loud, dolphin boy.”
“I am not,” Junsu pouted and bit his ear again. “And…are you getting tired?”
“No,” the other panted.
“Yes, you are,” Junsu smirked and began to wiggle his lower body in a way that made Changmin pant even more. “Let me get off.”
“No, I can carry you.”
“Quit being a macho baby and let me off. I want to show you something.”
More out of curiosity than compliance, Changmin allowed the other to jump off of his back and take hold of hand, leading him through the corridors of the haunted house that smelled vaguely of paint.
“Where are we going?”
“I’ve been in here once when I was a kid,” Junsu answered through a smile that Changmin vaguely thought wasn’t the kind of smile that always foretold good things about his well-being. “I wonder if that place is still here.”
“What pl-“ The words slid back down his throat as his jaw dropped slightly at the room that appeared around the corner.
Mirrors. Dozens and dozens of mirrors. And of course, they were fun house mirrors, distorted into a dark maze of warped, puzzling mystery. Changmin dimly re-evaluated this stain in the middle of Junsu’s uncle’s awesomeness as a stain with a glimmer of hope hidden somewhere inside within Junsu’s uncle’s realm of awesomeness.
“Whoa.”
“Whoa, indeed,” A shining tongue wiped across the smile on Junsu’s lips before he suddenly wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck and attacked his bottom lip.
Kinky games are afoot, Changmin couldn’t help thinking as his friend’s hands began sneaking their way towards the buttons on his shirt while his hips grinded slowly and sensually into his own.
Junsu deemed Changmin’s lips bruised to perfection and ran his tongue between them, demanding entry, and began abusing the inside of Changmin’s mouth.
Changmin’s hands instinctively dropped down past Junsu’s waist, rubbing around in circles and squeezed his favorite assets aggressively.
“Uh, uh, uh,” Junsu suddenly broke away from the kiss and swatted the other’s wandering hands. Changmin replaced the disappointed whimper that he had successful choked back down his chest with an aggravated huff.
“You’re tired because of me, so now I have to take care of you,” Changmin couldn’t help but imagine the horrific things that must have been swarming through the smaller man’s mind with that smile of his.
A knee made it’s way between Changmin’s legs and rocked back and forth while Junsu’s lips attached themselves to his neck. The needy moan that lurked around Changmin’s throat demanded release just as Junsu’s leg suddenly jerked up and a hand skillfully undid his pants and began rubbing fervently.
“Min,” Junsu said thickly into his now pink and wet collarbone. “Don’t hold back. No one is watching.”
On cue, a loud moan escaped Changmin’s mouth, followed by desperate panting and maybe a bit of drool.
“Good boy. Now open your eyes.”
Changmin hadn’t even noticed that his eyes had been closed, too distracted by the heat creeping throughout his entire body. He did as he was told. And liked what he saw.
Although wildly distorted, the myriad of mirrors surrounding them completely captured every move, every sharp intake of breath, and every bit of bruised, overheated skin and just the sight made Changmin moan and buck into Junsu’s touches even harder.
“S-Su…I need you now…”
“Oh, you’re going to let me top?” Junsu smirked and rubbed faster.
“Shut up and take your clothes off.”
“Yes, sir. As long as you promise to keep your eyes open.”
“Only if you promise not to go slow.”
Junsu laughed. “It’s a deal.”
“Ugh… Deal.”
“OMG!!! NO DEAL! I CAN’T WATCH ANYMORE. JUST STOOOOP!!”
Changmin gasped so hard it hurt and Junsu squealed so loud it hurt Changmin, as the two broke apart from each other abruptly.
“I hate you, Junsu. We got caught!” Changmin hissed while clumsily re-buttoning his pants.
“You weren’t complaining a minute ago,” Junsu hissed back, looking left, right and around wildly for their intruder. Well, to be more accurate, he was the intruder.
“What’s wrong with you horny teenagers!? Why don’t you get a room?!” The deep voice boomed throughout the room, echoing slightly and making the two shiver.
“W-who are you?” Junsu’s voice jumped fearfully about an octave higher than normal on the last syllable.
There was a pause and the two looked at each other in a mixture between fright and confusion.
“MWAHAHAHAHA!”
Of course, Junsu and Changmin jumped out of their skin.
“I encompass all. I am the mighty awesome. I am the king of all that is of wonder and excitement.”
“God?!” Changmin squeaked, wide-eyed and Junsu kicked him in the shin.
The deep voice let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled something that sounded a bit like, Why do I even try?
“NO! I am the spirit of the haunted house…you idiot…”
“Do you think we’re stupid?” Junsu called after the shapeless voice after mustering up the courage and ignoring Changmin’s protests that he is not, in fact, an idiot. “You’re a security guard with a microphone or something and my uncle, the owner of this park, will not be amused when he finds out you’re using your job for your own entertainment.”
“MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
The thunderous laugh rumbled through the ground, shaking the mirrors in their frames and Changmin and Junsu’s knees within their pants.
“Stop that!” Changmin pleaded irritably.
The voice snorted. “You weren’t saying that when Big Butt over there had his mouth on your tiny, throbbing-“
Changmin gasped.”His mouth was not on my tiny, throbbing-Wait, I’m not tiny!!” He turned to Junsu, blushing slightly. “Am I tiny?”
“It’s okay, Min. You’re not tiny,” Junsu reassured his friend while distractedly trying to examine his own behind in a fun house mirror that absolutely did nothing to comfort his fears that maybe everyone kept commenting on his area back there because he was gaining weight.
“Aw you two are sweet, but you’re both still annoying,” The deep voice boomed in a mildly bored tone. “So now you both shall suffer, blah, blah…”
“Whatever,” Junsu said, snapping his attention back to the matter at hand. “You’d better show your face, you coward, or I’m calling my uncle.”
“Pssh. Everyone knows haunted house spirits don’t have faces. You guys really are idiots. Although Big Butt is kind of a cute idiot…”
“You really are,” Changmin commented before receiving a well deserved smack on the back of his head. “Ow! I meant the cute part…” He pouted, rubbing his now throbbing head.
“Why don’t you tell me your name so I can report you to my uncle,” Junsu’s cell phone was already out fingers poised, but he had no idea how to report a faulty security guard while he himself was unlawfully roaming around the amusement park in the middle of the night.
“YOOCHUN. MWAHAHAHA!”
By this time, the two were used to the roaring laughter and waited patiently for the voice to collect itself and continue.
It cleared its throat. “Now, I’m going to need you two to run around screaming in fear while I terrorize you in unrestrained merriment.”
Junsu scoffed, although it was a well-feigned bluff of a scoff. “You wish, psycho. You’re going to jail first.”
“Oh, really, cute one?” Yoochun, the spirit of the haunted house snickered. “But not before I drag you both to hell. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
In the midst of the laughter, a nearby mirror exploded into flames, fiery tendrils licking at the smooth reflective glass and emitting clouds of dark, black smoke into the air.
“WAAAAAAAH!” Changmin or Junsu, neither could tell which, screamed in cold fear and grabbed hold of each other, shaking Junsu’s grasp on his phone and sending it crashing to the floor in pieces.
“Darn that cheap piece of crap,” Junsu muttered under his breath.
“Forget your stupid phone, Junsu,” Changmin shouted. “We’re going to die!”
“MWAHAHA! Yes, you are. But you…ah…Junsu, was it? When you die, could you tell the guy in front the gates of heaven at the golden desk to let you become a house spirit? You can’t miss him. He glows and he has a feather pen the floats when he has to take a restroom break. Being a house spirit is better than hell, I’d say.”
“What about me?!” Changmin demanded, clutching Junsu’s wrists.
“Pssh. Shove off. I get lonely and I only need one maiden to keep me company.”
“Why am I a maiden?” Junsu pouted.
“Who cares?” Changmin snapped peevishly. “RUN!”
They both tore out of the mirrored room and ran for their lives. Screaming and flailing, the two darted from room to haunted room in terror as the echoing laughter rumbled with them where ever they went. Somehow, all the rooms they had visited and mocked only minutes before took on a whole new level of fright this time around.
The plastic spiders crawled to life and reclaimed their homes on what used to be cotton, spray painted cobwebs. The paper bats that previously hung lifelessly from a string hanging from the ceiling, were flying free and nipping viciously at Junsu and Changmin’s ears while the two swatted blindly. The skeleton around the corner waved them good bye as they took one look at him standing there and ran off screaming before he could ask them, “Want to dance?” There were even rooms they bolted out of shrieking in terror that both were absolutely sure did not exist there the last time they passed.
After several minutes of Junsu and Changmin running and screaming and Yoochun, the haunted house spirit, laughing his chimney off, Junsu made an abrupt stop, sending the younger sailing right into his back.
“Hyung!” Changmin yelled, regaining his balance. “Don’t stop running. Run! Run!”
“We went straight, Changmin,” Junsu breathed with wide brown eyes taking in his astounding surroundings. “We went straight and…and…we’re back where we started!”
Sure enough, once Changmin took a moment to look around, the same distorted mirrors with one oddly set ablaze with scorching flames surrounded them once again.
“MWAHAHAHAHA!” Yoochun boomed. “You cannot escape me! For I am…YOOCHUN!! Ahem. But seriously, Junsu. You should consider coming with me when you die. I have two and a half bathroooooms~”
“It’s not like this when the park is open. Why is this place suddenly so freaky?” Junsu demanded, ignoring the fact that a house was hitting on him.
Yoochun sighed irritably. “Well, no one likes to come here at night. Always during the day when all those stupid kids are running around here touching things and leaving their souvenir litter on the floor. I sleep when the sun is up. Duh.”
“Ah. Makes sense,” Changmin commented earning another smack on the back of his head.
“Ow! I didn’t even insult you this time!”
“You’re being an idiot,” Junsu glared.
“So what?” Changmin huffed. “When this house kills us, all you have to do is ask the guy that glows to make you into a house spirit so you can have house sex with a…house. I am going to be assigned to hell.”
“Where you belong.”
“Hyung!”
“Okay, okay,” Junsu shook his head in exhaustion. “How about this? We’ll bargain with you, Yoochun…… Yoochun??”
There was a pause and the two looked at each other puzzled.
“Aish! I’m still here,” The familiar low voice resounded off the walls. “Just got a rat problem in one of my hallways. I can deal with the spiders but rats are greedy and eat all the food.”
“You have food in here?” Changmin’s brown eyes glowed before Junsu struck him in the head again.
“I heard you, though,” Yoochun continued. “Whatcha got in mind?”
“If you let us out alive, we’ll clean this place up a bit for you. You know, get rid of all the trash people leave behind,” Junsu was still having a bit of trouble getting used to the idea that he was basically having a conversation with the ceiling. And the ceiling seemingly talked back.
There was a pause and bit of faint humming as Yoochun, the haunted house spirit, mulled through the proposition.
“Mmmmmm. Nope. I’d much rather kill you both and take Big Butt as my maiden sex slave.”
“How are you going to have house sex with Junsu, anyway?” Changmin pondered, but Junsu was too terrified to smack him on the head again.
“Shut up, you moron! Run!” Junsu shouted and grabbed Changmin’s arm ready to bolt again.
“MWAHAHAHA! You cannot escape! Come my minions. Images of your greatest fears, come and send that one tall fellow and my new sexy companion of eternity to their doom. MWAHAHAHAHA!”
Before Junsu and Changmin could brave the dark corridors once more, a flicker from one of the many mirrors that was not currently on fire caught their attention. The flicker grew into a bright glow, almost blinding the two before dimming into a pitch black hole in the reflective surface. In open-mouthed awe, Junsu and Changmin watched as a head emerged from the darkness. Then shoulders, then a very narrow waist, then hips, legs and feet until a man was standing right in front of them.
A rather familiar man.
“Jaejoong?!” Junsu squeaked.
“You dated a demon man?!” Changmin gasped before receiving another blow on the head.
“MWAHAHAHA! This man is not your lover, but a copy of him. Ahem. And might I say, you have very good taste, Junsu. I hope I live up to your standards after you die? Hmm? Ahem. Anyway, this is only an evil copy I’ve made of him by extracting images of him from your memory. But you will notice I have made some slight changes to his physical appearance if you look closely.”
Junsu squinted at his ex-boyfriend, or rather, a copy of his ex-boyfriend and jumped back with a strangled gasp.
“He…he…he…….. You made him look….normal?!?!?”
It was true. Although, the face of the man remained strikingly similar to the original version, subtle details were removed, giving the breathtakingly beautiful man a completely average appearance. The lips were not as red and juicy, the eyebrows not as defined and perfect, the eyes not as feminine and intense. It was a disastrous horror of reality.
Before anyone in the room could make a move, a second body appeared from the black void within the mirror and stood next to Copy-Jaejoong. He stood tall and manly, yet just like the other, the familiar heaven-sent gift of attractiveness was removed and the man radiated nothing but average.
“M-my ex, Yunho?!” Both Changmin and Junsu cried in unison. After the simultaneous outburst, the two looked at each other in confusion.
“You went out with Yunho after I broke up with him?” Junsu asked incredulously.
The perplexed look on Changmin’s face remained for a moment longer until it transformed into sudden realization. “Oh! That’s right. Yeah, after you two broke up, I met him at a café and we talked for a while and…things happened.”
“How could you? There are so many laws of friendship you broke without me even knowing.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Changmin said dismissively. “We were only together for about a day. He said it wasn’t going to work out when the two of us were holding hands down the street and you totally ran up to me and kissed me right on the mouth.”
“Oh yeah,” Junsu mused. “Before we broke up, he did say he didn’t like how close you and me were.”
“Shame. We could have had an awesome threesome.”
“Foursome, if Jaejoong didn’t complain that I argued too much.”
Changmin sucked air through his teeth wistfully. “Man, that’s a real shame.”
“Yeah.”
There a long pause before there was a loud, booming cough.
“Um. Could you two quit reminiscing for a bit so I can kill you?” Yoochun said irritably. “Jeeze, you’d think you’d both have your heads decapitated by now. ATTACK, MY MINIONS!”
If the sight of a completely average looking Yunho and Jaejoong didn’t scare the two enough, the fact that they were both suddenly lightning fast enough to grab both of them before either could make a run for it was petrifying.
“WAH! Junsu, I don’t want to die, yet!” Changmin sobbed under zombie Yunho’s inhumanly strong grip around his chest.
“WAH! At least when you die, you won’t have to become a freaking house maiden,” Junsu croaked as Jaejoong’s hold around his neck tightened.
“I’d rather be a house maiden than dead,” Changmin choked while Yunho similarly tightened his grip around his shoulders.
“He’s going to choke…me…” Junsu wheezed, his vision going blurry.
“I’d rather be choked than squished to death.”
“Shut up, you moron.”
“You shut up.”
“No, you.”
“…Jun…su…I…love…you…”
“I…love…you…too……Changmin…..”
“Hey! I’ve got an idea,” Although it took much effort to try re-inflating his crushed lungs, Changmin took a chance and made an attempt to turn back to look at zombie Yunho.
“Have you ever been in love?” He asked the stone faced copy.
“Aish, Changmin,” Junsu choke-groaned. “He’s just a dumb zombie that doesn’t even look good anymore. He probably can’t understand Korean.” Just as the words left his mouth, Jaejoong’s grip around his throat tightened angrily. “Okay…maybe they do…”
Surprisingly, zombie Yunho seemed a bit distracted from the task between his bulging muscles and looked up in simulated thoughtfulness.
Changmin stuck his tongue out at Junsu who was beginning to turn purple. “Ah, I see you haven’t. Well, what if I told you I could make your dreams come true?”
By now, zombie Jaejoong had also loosened his grip a bit on his victim and looked up thoughtfully and grunted.
“Aw, look at you two,” Changmin chuckled. “You guys were meant for each other. Can’t miss this chance. You know what they say: love waits for no man…or zombie copy.”
Zombie Yunho and Jaejoong looked at one another as if in sudden realization of the red strings of fate that tied the two together and released their captives. Changmin and Junsu fell to the floor regaining their breaths as the two ran towards each other in a clumsy embrace emitting indistinguishable grunts of pure love.
“Well, that was surprisingly easy,” Junsu said brightly and straitened out his clothes. “Good job, Min.”
“Well, I am in the running for Most Intelligent senior favorite,” Changmin said proudly.
“AAAGGHH!” The shapeless voice boomed in frustration. “What’s wrong with you people!? I knew making copies of people from the memories of two IDIOTS would be a bad idea. Now I gotta break out Plan B. Regular looking zombies…FRICKING ATTACK!”
On cue, dozens of real zombies, moaning and limping, emerged from the black hole, horrible smells, ripped limbs, grayish-green skin and all.
“Eh, a normal looking Yunho and Jaejoong that aren’t mind-bendingly hot was scary enough,” Changmin commented dismissively.
“Who cares?! These guys won’t be as distractible. RUN!” Junsu grabbed Changmin’s hand and raced from the mirrored room. The two made a mad dash through rooms beholding talking mummies, floating severed hands and cackling witches while the zombies followed behind. They kept running until they ran straight into a room with no second door connecting to another fright-filled hallway and the zombies closed in on their only exit. Junsu dashed to the only window within the room and tugged at it desperately.
“We’re trapped!” Junsu cried.
“We’re going to die!” Changmin fell to the floor and stared in wide-eyed disbelief at what was his eminent doom.
“Darn it! I promised myself I would die in the American FBI on a top secret case involving bombs that went screwy on a mission gone wrong,” Junsu kicked the wall in frustration.
Yoochun let out a pained yelp. “OW! Quit that! You don’t see me kicking you, do you?”
“Just trying to kill us,” Changmin muttered.
“Yeah. And that’s different,” Yoochun huffed.
“Wait a minute…” Junsu muttered to himself.
“What?! I can’t hear you above the loud moans of the dead people walking towards us ready to devour our flesh,” Changmin cupped his ear and leaned in towards Junsu.
“I said, I’ve got an idea!” Junsu’s eyes lit up in determination. “Start tickling!”
Without another word, he turned to the wall and began running his fingers all over the peeling wallpaper as if tickling a small child. Changmin soon followed suit without question.
“AAAAHHH!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don’t-don’t do that!” Yoochun guffawed in a breathless voice that shook in the building. “GAAH! I’m sensitive!”
“Keep tickling!” Junsu commanded Changmin over the noise of the zombie moans while he returned to the window and tugged one last time. It sprung open with ease.
“Hyung, you’re a genius!”
“Duh. Now, come on, jump!”
Although there was a minor setback while the two struggled to fit through the window at the same time, giving one lucky zombie enough time to grab Changmin’s shoe off, the two eventually made it out and safely onto the cold pavement outside, abeit minus one shoe.
“Junsu,” Changmin panted.
“Yeah, Changmin?”
“Don’t you ever take me on another date that lame again.”
“Understood, Changmin.”
And the two took off through the dark amusement park, no longer amused by anything around them and hopped the fence into freedom. The old haunted house still panted in pre-tickle fatigue behind them.
Ah, the wonders of the night. Whether it be a couple of alley cats fornicating behind a Chinese restaurant, a mild case of car theft of an old lady’s Ferrari or a talking haunted house with a fetish for exceptionally large butts, the world after sunset will always be a place of mystery and adventure, no?
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Drop a comment like Yunho drops his pants in front of Jaejoong after a concert. >D
sunnyade for winning my last ninja!fic request challenge. x3 Please enjoy your prize~
It was dark and the merry-go-round creaked with a vengeance. Mwahaha.
“This is lame.”
“It is not lame.”
“This is catastrophically lame.”
“It is not catastrophically lame.”
“Don’t lie to yourself,” Changmin lightly punched Junsu who stumbled into a wall covered with cobwebs made out of cotton and spray-on sparkles. “This is lame and little boys who lie get struck by lightning.”
“It is not lame…and I am not a little boy!” Junsu protested with a pout.
Changmin snickered and wiggles his eyebrows and glanced down at the other’s lower regions. “That’s not what Jaejoong said before you two broke up.”
Junsu proceeded to pounce on Changmin’s back, pulling his hair and biting his neck until the other screamed for mercy between laughter and useless flailing. It was the love within the violence that made it that much more endearing.
“Ack! Get off!”
“You do-ngh-n’t want me off,” Junsu growled into the bite marks engraved in his neck and tightened his legs around Changmin’s waist.
“Fine,” Without much further warning, Changmin reached around behind him and grabbed hold of something large, soft and grabbable now perched just above his waist.
“You pervert!” Junsu shrieked, jumping at the sudden intrusion of his hindquarters.
“You like it,” Changmin grinned.
“I’m not getting down.”
“You don’t have to.’
“Fine.”
“Fine.”
“Whatever.”
“You know it’s whatever.”
“I hope you’re ready to carry me through this whole haunted house.”
“You’re about as light as this place is lame, so it should be no problem.”
“Screw you.”
“No thanks.”
Was it a date? How could wandering around a haunted house within a closed amusement park at night with your best friend be considered a date? Laughing at scary skeletons that gaped blankly into space. Ducking paper bats that hung from the ceiling by a store-bought string. Stepping on plastic spiders that sporadically littered the floor. Occasionally making out next to a coffin or two. These were all just the benefits of being best friends.
Best friends.
“You’re uncle’s awesome level just hit the red zone, Junsu,” Changmin commented as a toilet paper wrapped mummy fell clumsily out of a secluded corner, the two assumed was meant to be for storage until the staff could repair the strange dent in the mannequin’s right shin.
“My uncle is still awesome,” Junsu nipped at Changmin’s ear as punishment. “No need to be negative.”
“Negative? Su, the fact that he owns an amusement park is great, but this one haunted house dead in the center of it just puts a giant stain in the middle of his awesomeness.”
“There is no stain of non-awesomeness. You’re the one that wanted to go in the haunted house which was clearly meant for kids,” Junsu retorted stubbornly.
Changmin kicked a paper cup lying on the floor. “Well, what else are we supposed to do? This place is closed. It’s not like we can make a roller coaster work all by ourselves. And what if we get caught?”
“Psh. We won’t get caught,” Junsu rolled his eyes and tightened his grip around Changmin’s neck. “The security guards are probably passed out drunk somewhere and come on, my uncle owns this place. That means I practically own this place.”
It was Changmin’s turn to roll his eyes. “Oh yeah? Then why’d we have to jump the fence and almost die in a bush shaped like an elephant on the other side?”
Junsu’s brow furrowed and he looked up with a finger on his chin as if in deep thought. “Well, it’s not like he was going to give me the keys!”
Keys…keys…keys…keys…keys……
The two paused for a second as the echo bounced off the walls, traveling through the shadows as if the liquid darkness propelled it further and further through the caverns of the haunted house.
“I don’t remember this place ever having an echo,” Junsu whispered quietly near Changmin’s ear.
Changmin cleared his throat as if to clear away the eerie feeling that briefly washed over them and passed like an April shower. “It’s just because you’re so obnoxiously loud, dolphin boy.”
“I am not,” Junsu pouted and bit his ear again. “And…are you getting tired?”
“No,” the other panted.
“Yes, you are,” Junsu smirked and began to wiggle his lower body in a way that made Changmin pant even more. “Let me get off.”
“No, I can carry you.”
“Quit being a macho baby and let me off. I want to show you something.”
More out of curiosity than compliance, Changmin allowed the other to jump off of his back and take hold of hand, leading him through the corridors of the haunted house that smelled vaguely of paint.
“Where are we going?”
“I’ve been in here once when I was a kid,” Junsu answered through a smile that Changmin vaguely thought wasn’t the kind of smile that always foretold good things about his well-being. “I wonder if that place is still here.”
“What pl-“ The words slid back down his throat as his jaw dropped slightly at the room that appeared around the corner.
Mirrors. Dozens and dozens of mirrors. And of course, they were fun house mirrors, distorted into a dark maze of warped, puzzling mystery. Changmin dimly re-evaluated this stain in the middle of Junsu’s uncle’s awesomeness as a stain with a glimmer of hope hidden somewhere inside within Junsu’s uncle’s realm of awesomeness.
“Whoa.”
“Whoa, indeed,” A shining tongue wiped across the smile on Junsu’s lips before he suddenly wrapped his arms around Changmin’s neck and attacked his bottom lip.
Kinky games are afoot, Changmin couldn’t help thinking as his friend’s hands began sneaking their way towards the buttons on his shirt while his hips grinded slowly and sensually into his own.
Junsu deemed Changmin’s lips bruised to perfection and ran his tongue between them, demanding entry, and began abusing the inside of Changmin’s mouth.
Changmin’s hands instinctively dropped down past Junsu’s waist, rubbing around in circles and squeezed his favorite assets aggressively.
“Uh, uh, uh,” Junsu suddenly broke away from the kiss and swatted the other’s wandering hands. Changmin replaced the disappointed whimper that he had successful choked back down his chest with an aggravated huff.
“You’re tired because of me, so now I have to take care of you,” Changmin couldn’t help but imagine the horrific things that must have been swarming through the smaller man’s mind with that smile of his.
A knee made it’s way between Changmin’s legs and rocked back and forth while Junsu’s lips attached themselves to his neck. The needy moan that lurked around Changmin’s throat demanded release just as Junsu’s leg suddenly jerked up and a hand skillfully undid his pants and began rubbing fervently.
“Min,” Junsu said thickly into his now pink and wet collarbone. “Don’t hold back. No one is watching.”
On cue, a loud moan escaped Changmin’s mouth, followed by desperate panting and maybe a bit of drool.
“Good boy. Now open your eyes.”
Changmin hadn’t even noticed that his eyes had been closed, too distracted by the heat creeping throughout his entire body. He did as he was told. And liked what he saw.
Although wildly distorted, the myriad of mirrors surrounding them completely captured every move, every sharp intake of breath, and every bit of bruised, overheated skin and just the sight made Changmin moan and buck into Junsu’s touches even harder.
“S-Su…I need you now…”
“Oh, you’re going to let me top?” Junsu smirked and rubbed faster.
“Shut up and take your clothes off.”
“Yes, sir. As long as you promise to keep your eyes open.”
“Only if you promise not to go slow.”
Junsu laughed. “It’s a deal.”
“Ugh… Deal.”
“OMG!!! NO DEAL! I CAN’T WATCH ANYMORE. JUST STOOOOP!!”
Changmin gasped so hard it hurt and Junsu squealed so loud it hurt Changmin, as the two broke apart from each other abruptly.
“I hate you, Junsu. We got caught!” Changmin hissed while clumsily re-buttoning his pants.
“You weren’t complaining a minute ago,” Junsu hissed back, looking left, right and around wildly for their intruder. Well, to be more accurate, he was the intruder.
“What’s wrong with you horny teenagers!? Why don’t you get a room?!” The deep voice boomed throughout the room, echoing slightly and making the two shiver.
“W-who are you?” Junsu’s voice jumped fearfully about an octave higher than normal on the last syllable.
There was a pause and the two looked at each other in a mixture between fright and confusion.
“MWAHAHAHAHA!”
Of course, Junsu and Changmin jumped out of their skin.
“I encompass all. I am the mighty awesome. I am the king of all that is of wonder and excitement.”
“God?!” Changmin squeaked, wide-eyed and Junsu kicked him in the shin.
The deep voice let out a frustrated sigh and mumbled something that sounded a bit like, Why do I even try?
“NO! I am the spirit of the haunted house…you idiot…”
“Do you think we’re stupid?” Junsu called after the shapeless voice after mustering up the courage and ignoring Changmin’s protests that he is not, in fact, an idiot. “You’re a security guard with a microphone or something and my uncle, the owner of this park, will not be amused when he finds out you’re using your job for your own entertainment.”
“MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
The thunderous laugh rumbled through the ground, shaking the mirrors in their frames and Changmin and Junsu’s knees within their pants.
“Stop that!” Changmin pleaded irritably.
The voice snorted. “You weren’t saying that when Big Butt over there had his mouth on your tiny, throbbing-“
Changmin gasped.”His mouth was not on my tiny, throbbing-Wait, I’m not tiny!!” He turned to Junsu, blushing slightly. “Am I tiny?”
“It’s okay, Min. You’re not tiny,” Junsu reassured his friend while distractedly trying to examine his own behind in a fun house mirror that absolutely did nothing to comfort his fears that maybe everyone kept commenting on his area back there because he was gaining weight.
“Aw you two are sweet, but you’re both still annoying,” The deep voice boomed in a mildly bored tone. “So now you both shall suffer, blah, blah…”
“Whatever,” Junsu said, snapping his attention back to the matter at hand. “You’d better show your face, you coward, or I’m calling my uncle.”
“Pssh. Everyone knows haunted house spirits don’t have faces. You guys really are idiots. Although Big Butt is kind of a cute idiot…”
“You really are,” Changmin commented before receiving a well deserved smack on the back of his head. “Ow! I meant the cute part…” He pouted, rubbing his now throbbing head.
“Why don’t you tell me your name so I can report you to my uncle,” Junsu’s cell phone was already out fingers poised, but he had no idea how to report a faulty security guard while he himself was unlawfully roaming around the amusement park in the middle of the night.
“YOOCHUN. MWAHAHAHA!”
By this time, the two were used to the roaring laughter and waited patiently for the voice to collect itself and continue.
It cleared its throat. “Now, I’m going to need you two to run around screaming in fear while I terrorize you in unrestrained merriment.”
Junsu scoffed, although it was a well-feigned bluff of a scoff. “You wish, psycho. You’re going to jail first.”
“Oh, really, cute one?” Yoochun, the spirit of the haunted house snickered. “But not before I drag you both to hell. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!”
In the midst of the laughter, a nearby mirror exploded into flames, fiery tendrils licking at the smooth reflective glass and emitting clouds of dark, black smoke into the air.
“WAAAAAAAH!” Changmin or Junsu, neither could tell which, screamed in cold fear and grabbed hold of each other, shaking Junsu’s grasp on his phone and sending it crashing to the floor in pieces.
“Darn that cheap piece of crap,” Junsu muttered under his breath.
“Forget your stupid phone, Junsu,” Changmin shouted. “We’re going to die!”
“MWAHAHA! Yes, you are. But you…ah…Junsu, was it? When you die, could you tell the guy in front the gates of heaven at the golden desk to let you become a house spirit? You can’t miss him. He glows and he has a feather pen the floats when he has to take a restroom break. Being a house spirit is better than hell, I’d say.”
“What about me?!” Changmin demanded, clutching Junsu’s wrists.
“Pssh. Shove off. I get lonely and I only need one maiden to keep me company.”
“Why am I a maiden?” Junsu pouted.
“Who cares?” Changmin snapped peevishly. “RUN!”
They both tore out of the mirrored room and ran for their lives. Screaming and flailing, the two darted from room to haunted room in terror as the echoing laughter rumbled with them where ever they went. Somehow, all the rooms they had visited and mocked only minutes before took on a whole new level of fright this time around.
The plastic spiders crawled to life and reclaimed their homes on what used to be cotton, spray painted cobwebs. The paper bats that previously hung lifelessly from a string hanging from the ceiling, were flying free and nipping viciously at Junsu and Changmin’s ears while the two swatted blindly. The skeleton around the corner waved them good bye as they took one look at him standing there and ran off screaming before he could ask them, “Want to dance?” There were even rooms they bolted out of shrieking in terror that both were absolutely sure did not exist there the last time they passed.
After several minutes of Junsu and Changmin running and screaming and Yoochun, the haunted house spirit, laughing his chimney off, Junsu made an abrupt stop, sending the younger sailing right into his back.
“Hyung!” Changmin yelled, regaining his balance. “Don’t stop running. Run! Run!”
“We went straight, Changmin,” Junsu breathed with wide brown eyes taking in his astounding surroundings. “We went straight and…and…we’re back where we started!”
Sure enough, once Changmin took a moment to look around, the same distorted mirrors with one oddly set ablaze with scorching flames surrounded them once again.
“MWAHAHAHAHA!” Yoochun boomed. “You cannot escape me! For I am…YOOCHUN!! Ahem. But seriously, Junsu. You should consider coming with me when you die. I have two and a half bathroooooms~”
“It’s not like this when the park is open. Why is this place suddenly so freaky?” Junsu demanded, ignoring the fact that a house was hitting on him.
Yoochun sighed irritably. “Well, no one likes to come here at night. Always during the day when all those stupid kids are running around here touching things and leaving their souvenir litter on the floor. I sleep when the sun is up. Duh.”
“Ah. Makes sense,” Changmin commented earning another smack on the back of his head.
“Ow! I didn’t even insult you this time!”
“You’re being an idiot,” Junsu glared.
“So what?” Changmin huffed. “When this house kills us, all you have to do is ask the guy that glows to make you into a house spirit so you can have house sex with a…house. I am going to be assigned to hell.”
“Where you belong.”
“Hyung!”
“Okay, okay,” Junsu shook his head in exhaustion. “How about this? We’ll bargain with you, Yoochun…… Yoochun??”
There was a pause and the two looked at each other puzzled.
“Aish! I’m still here,” The familiar low voice resounded off the walls. “Just got a rat problem in one of my hallways. I can deal with the spiders but rats are greedy and eat all the food.”
“You have food in here?” Changmin’s brown eyes glowed before Junsu struck him in the head again.
“I heard you, though,” Yoochun continued. “Whatcha got in mind?”
“If you let us out alive, we’ll clean this place up a bit for you. You know, get rid of all the trash people leave behind,” Junsu was still having a bit of trouble getting used to the idea that he was basically having a conversation with the ceiling. And the ceiling seemingly talked back.
There was a pause and bit of faint humming as Yoochun, the haunted house spirit, mulled through the proposition.
“Mmmmmm. Nope. I’d much rather kill you both and take Big Butt as my maiden sex slave.”
“How are you going to have house sex with Junsu, anyway?” Changmin pondered, but Junsu was too terrified to smack him on the head again.
“Shut up, you moron! Run!” Junsu shouted and grabbed Changmin’s arm ready to bolt again.
“MWAHAHAHA! You cannot escape! Come my minions. Images of your greatest fears, come and send that one tall fellow and my new sexy companion of eternity to their doom. MWAHAHAHAHA!”
Before Junsu and Changmin could brave the dark corridors once more, a flicker from one of the many mirrors that was not currently on fire caught their attention. The flicker grew into a bright glow, almost blinding the two before dimming into a pitch black hole in the reflective surface. In open-mouthed awe, Junsu and Changmin watched as a head emerged from the darkness. Then shoulders, then a very narrow waist, then hips, legs and feet until a man was standing right in front of them.
A rather familiar man.
“Jaejoong?!” Junsu squeaked.
“You dated a demon man?!” Changmin gasped before receiving another blow on the head.
“MWAHAHAHA! This man is not your lover, but a copy of him. Ahem. And might I say, you have very good taste, Junsu. I hope I live up to your standards after you die? Hmm? Ahem. Anyway, this is only an evil copy I’ve made of him by extracting images of him from your memory. But you will notice I have made some slight changes to his physical appearance if you look closely.”
Junsu squinted at his ex-boyfriend, or rather, a copy of his ex-boyfriend and jumped back with a strangled gasp.
“He…he…he…….. You made him look….normal?!?!?”
It was true. Although, the face of the man remained strikingly similar to the original version, subtle details were removed, giving the breathtakingly beautiful man a completely average appearance. The lips were not as red and juicy, the eyebrows not as defined and perfect, the eyes not as feminine and intense. It was a disastrous horror of reality.
Before anyone in the room could make a move, a second body appeared from the black void within the mirror and stood next to Copy-Jaejoong. He stood tall and manly, yet just like the other, the familiar heaven-sent gift of attractiveness was removed and the man radiated nothing but average.
“M-my ex, Yunho?!” Both Changmin and Junsu cried in unison. After the simultaneous outburst, the two looked at each other in confusion.
“You went out with Yunho after I broke up with him?” Junsu asked incredulously.
The perplexed look on Changmin’s face remained for a moment longer until it transformed into sudden realization. “Oh! That’s right. Yeah, after you two broke up, I met him at a café and we talked for a while and…things happened.”
“How could you? There are so many laws of friendship you broke without me even knowing.”
“Oh, don’t worry,” Changmin said dismissively. “We were only together for about a day. He said it wasn’t going to work out when the two of us were holding hands down the street and you totally ran up to me and kissed me right on the mouth.”
“Oh yeah,” Junsu mused. “Before we broke up, he did say he didn’t like how close you and me were.”
“Shame. We could have had an awesome threesome.”
“Foursome, if Jaejoong didn’t complain that I argued too much.”
Changmin sucked air through his teeth wistfully. “Man, that’s a real shame.”
“Yeah.”
There a long pause before there was a loud, booming cough.
“Um. Could you two quit reminiscing for a bit so I can kill you?” Yoochun said irritably. “Jeeze, you’d think you’d both have your heads decapitated by now. ATTACK, MY MINIONS!”
If the sight of a completely average looking Yunho and Jaejoong didn’t scare the two enough, the fact that they were both suddenly lightning fast enough to grab both of them before either could make a run for it was petrifying.
“WAH! Junsu, I don’t want to die, yet!” Changmin sobbed under zombie Yunho’s inhumanly strong grip around his chest.
“WAH! At least when you die, you won’t have to become a freaking house maiden,” Junsu croaked as Jaejoong’s hold around his neck tightened.
“I’d rather be a house maiden than dead,” Changmin choked while Yunho similarly tightened his grip around his shoulders.
“He’s going to choke…me…” Junsu wheezed, his vision going blurry.
“I’d rather be choked than squished to death.”
“Shut up, you moron.”
“You shut up.”
“No, you.”
“…Jun…su…I…love…you…”
“I…love…you…too……Changmin…..”
“Hey! I’ve got an idea,” Although it took much effort to try re-inflating his crushed lungs, Changmin took a chance and made an attempt to turn back to look at zombie Yunho.
“Have you ever been in love?” He asked the stone faced copy.
“Aish, Changmin,” Junsu choke-groaned. “He’s just a dumb zombie that doesn’t even look good anymore. He probably can’t understand Korean.” Just as the words left his mouth, Jaejoong’s grip around his throat tightened angrily. “Okay…maybe they do…”
Surprisingly, zombie Yunho seemed a bit distracted from the task between his bulging muscles and looked up in simulated thoughtfulness.
Changmin stuck his tongue out at Junsu who was beginning to turn purple. “Ah, I see you haven’t. Well, what if I told you I could make your dreams come true?”
By now, zombie Jaejoong had also loosened his grip a bit on his victim and looked up thoughtfully and grunted.
“Aw, look at you two,” Changmin chuckled. “You guys were meant for each other. Can’t miss this chance. You know what they say: love waits for no man…or zombie copy.”
Zombie Yunho and Jaejoong looked at one another as if in sudden realization of the red strings of fate that tied the two together and released their captives. Changmin and Junsu fell to the floor regaining their breaths as the two ran towards each other in a clumsy embrace emitting indistinguishable grunts of pure love.
“Well, that was surprisingly easy,” Junsu said brightly and straitened out his clothes. “Good job, Min.”
“Well, I am in the running for Most Intelligent senior favorite,” Changmin said proudly.
“AAAGGHH!” The shapeless voice boomed in frustration. “What’s wrong with you people!? I knew making copies of people from the memories of two IDIOTS would be a bad idea. Now I gotta break out Plan B. Regular looking zombies…FRICKING ATTACK!”
On cue, dozens of real zombies, moaning and limping, emerged from the black hole, horrible smells, ripped limbs, grayish-green skin and all.
“Eh, a normal looking Yunho and Jaejoong that aren’t mind-bendingly hot was scary enough,” Changmin commented dismissively.
“Who cares?! These guys won’t be as distractible. RUN!” Junsu grabbed Changmin’s hand and raced from the mirrored room. The two made a mad dash through rooms beholding talking mummies, floating severed hands and cackling witches while the zombies followed behind. They kept running until they ran straight into a room with no second door connecting to another fright-filled hallway and the zombies closed in on their only exit. Junsu dashed to the only window within the room and tugged at it desperately.
“We’re trapped!” Junsu cried.
“We’re going to die!” Changmin fell to the floor and stared in wide-eyed disbelief at what was his eminent doom.
“Darn it! I promised myself I would die in the American FBI on a top secret case involving bombs that went screwy on a mission gone wrong,” Junsu kicked the wall in frustration.
Yoochun let out a pained yelp. “OW! Quit that! You don’t see me kicking you, do you?”
“Just trying to kill us,” Changmin muttered.
“Yeah. And that’s different,” Yoochun huffed.
“Wait a minute…” Junsu muttered to himself.
“What?! I can’t hear you above the loud moans of the dead people walking towards us ready to devour our flesh,” Changmin cupped his ear and leaned in towards Junsu.
“I said, I’ve got an idea!” Junsu’s eyes lit up in determination. “Start tickling!”
Without another word, he turned to the wall and began running his fingers all over the peeling wallpaper as if tickling a small child. Changmin soon followed suit without question.
“AAAAHHH!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Don’t-don’t do that!” Yoochun guffawed in a breathless voice that shook in the building. “GAAH! I’m sensitive!”
“Keep tickling!” Junsu commanded Changmin over the noise of the zombie moans while he returned to the window and tugged one last time. It sprung open with ease.
“Hyung, you’re a genius!”
“Duh. Now, come on, jump!”
Although there was a minor setback while the two struggled to fit through the window at the same time, giving one lucky zombie enough time to grab Changmin’s shoe off, the two eventually made it out and safely onto the cold pavement outside, abeit minus one shoe.
“Junsu,” Changmin panted.
“Yeah, Changmin?”
“Don’t you ever take me on another date that lame again.”
“Understood, Changmin.”
And the two took off through the dark amusement park, no longer amused by anything around them and hopped the fence into freedom. The old haunted house still panted in pre-tickle fatigue behind them.
Ah, the wonders of the night. Whether it be a couple of alley cats fornicating behind a Chinese restaurant, a mild case of car theft of an old lady’s Ferrari or a talking haunted house with a fetish for exceptionally large butts, the world after sunset will always be a place of mystery and adventure, no?
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Drop a comment like Yunho drops his pants in front of Jaejoong after a concert. >D