Dear Diary~ [Page 14 - Jaejoong]
[Page 14 - Jaejoong] Jaejoong's thoughts are so jumbled and floaty sometimes. Lol~
Dear Diary,
Changmin is no longer my son.
It just wasn’t working out for him. It didn’t fit his nature. I mean, sure, he’s really cute, but not in a baby son kind of way.
Not anymore.
I had a private talk with him after the Changmin LIP RAPIST Disaster. (Did he have to keep calling me that?)
I don’t know how it happened. Yunho was pouting in the living room after he made Junsu go shopping, (He’s so jealous.) so I made Changmin come with me to my room after he was done eating so we could talk.
First we were talking. Changmin was forgiving me. Then we were hugging. Changmin was really forgiving me. Then I kissed him. Again.
Changmin was definitely forgiving me.
He didn’t pull away. Don’t look at me like that, Diary. I know it was weird. But that first kiss…
I don’t know what came over me. He was so cute and peaceful sleeping there. And I really wanted to wake him up so I could ask him what he wanted for breakfast and…that was the most efficient wake up call I could think of.
I didn’t expect him to freak out like that. I wasn’t thinking. And Yunho just completely left the planet I after I did it. He’s so jealous right now. And he has reason to be.
I think Yunho is my ex-husband now.
I think I’ll just abandon the whole concept of my roommates as my family. Kangin wouldn’t let me call him gramps, anyway. He said he’ll steal the crack I’m on right now (I’m not on any crack) and shove it in my eyes. Leeteuk didn’t seem to mind me calling him grandma. Or was he granny? Does it matter? I don’t even see the point anymore since I have no family now.
Just my many sisters and Changmin.
Is it right having a boyfriend decades younger than you? Okay, maybe not decades. He sure fills the gap with his height, though, I can tell you that.
Can we still play one-touch? Actually, I don’t see why not. It won’t quite be like the punishments I was used to from Yunho, but it’s still fun. And I’ll be sore in places outside of my pants. So that’s good.
Wait. Being sore is good? Maybe Kangin is right. There is something wrong with me.
Ah, well. I can make Changmin special meals just for him and he won’t give me an attitude when I experiment with wasabi sauce like Yunho. He’s like a vacuum cleaner. He’ll suck in anything.
…
Those kinds of innuendos aren’t as fun with Changmin. He watches porn secretly, despite how much he tries to hide that we know that he knows that we know about it…but… he’s still the youngest.
I won’t say, And I’m the oldest, but…the facts are there.
Maybe I’ll get used to it. Changmin isn’t a little kid anymore. (Even though he used to be my little kid.)
…
Okay, off that subject. This isn’t as weird as I’m making it.
Since the Changmin LIP RAPIST Disaster has put everyone on edge, I think secrets will just add to the tension.
I’m going to tell everyone about me and Changmin.
First, I have to tell Changmin what I’m planning, but I don’t know if he’ll go for it. I don’t know if it’s sunk in that he’s…different now.
Being open about our relationship will definitely be different from my behind the scenes relationship with Yunho. I mean, we couldn’t let anyone know what Yunho meant by “punishing me.” It’s not like anyone was paying any particular attention to us anyway. They’re all clueless.
Actually, should I tell Changmin about me and Yunho? He still doesn’t know that we used to (It’s so weird writing it in past tense.) be together.
He would find out eventually once I announce the news and Yunho completely flips out.
Should I tell Yunho separately? I’m basically breaking up with him. I can’t do that in front of everyone. Okay, so it’s decided. I’m telling Yunho before Yoochun and Junsu and our other friends. Or do our other friends have to know? Eh. I’ll hit that bridge when I come to it.
Changmin…
Changmin. Changmin. Changmin. Changmin. Changmin.
…
He says that my kiss was his first…but…it didn’t show.
Well, his very first kiss from me was kind of…well, I’m not going to rate that. The second kiss where we were hugging and our lips just kind of found each other in my room with Yunho pouting in the living room… It was…nice.
His kisses are different from Yunho’s. Both are…nice, but… Yunho has an air of dominance. Not that I mind, but either he’s all fired up and ready to punish me or he’s trying to console me after saying my wasabi sauce meal was a joke and he’s almost fatherly. Very dominant-ish, I’d have to say.
Changmin was soft.
That’s all I have to comment on that.
I have to get used to not kissing Yunho, so pardon me on my lack of description, Diary.
What do I like so much about Changmin that made me abandon Yunho for him?
For starters, he’s cute. Not Junsu cute. Not even Yunho cute. Yunho was like manly cute if you can strain yourself to image that, Diary. He gets all flustered around Yoochun’s antics and I feel like I have to save him. Just seeing the relief on his face is a reward for me. And then when I turn on him and start one-touch, his determination to get me back is adorable.
I’m not only happy around him when he’s annoyed. When I’m cooking, I’m in my zone, and when Changmin’s eating, he’s in his zone, and when I’m cooking for Changmin, I feel like my life has purpose and when Changmin chews with this look on his face that says, No one else’s but Jaejoong’s, I…I…
I seriously think he’s my favorite dongsaeng.
I never really saw Yunho as much of a dongsaeng for obvious reasons. (He still doesn’t have to tell people he’s older than me. Not necessary.) Yoochun is a different kind of dongsaeng and Junsu is a dongsaeng all off in his own category. Changmin is special. I feel like I get to take care of him for more than just a dongsaeng.
He also does stuff for me. When I ask Yoochun to get something for me, he laughs at me or makes a smart comment. Whether or not he decides to give me the fricking salt shaker or whatever, he has to be obnoxious for at least a moment.
Junsu asks too many questions. “Why do you need the salt shaker? Is your food not salty enough? Why didn’t you just put more salt on it while you had the chance? Didn’t you cook this food?”
I never ask Yunho to do anything for me. Like I said, he’s not much of a dongsaeng to me.
Changmin just does what I tell him.
“Changmin, give me the salt shaker, please.”
“Okay, hyung.”
“Changmin, can you do the laundry today?”
“Okay, hyung. You sore again? Need a heating pad?”
“Changmin, call Yoochun and tell him to get more soap from the supermarket.”
“Okay, hyung.”
He never even asks why I can’t do all these things. They’re such little things and Junsu has so many questions about it. It’s all like:
“Junsu, give me the salt shaker, please.”
“Why do you need the salt shaker?”
“Just give it.”
“Okay…geeze….”
“Junsu, can you do the laundry today?”
“Why can’t you do it? You always do the laundry.”
“Just do it.”
“Okay…pissy…”
“Junsu, call Yoochun and tell him to get more soap from the supermarket.”
“Why? Don’t we have enough? Did you check in the back of the cabinet?”
“Just call him.”
“Okay…Just asking…”
I don’t have to illustrate Yoochun, but I will anyway:
“Yoochun, give me the salt shaker, please.”
“…Puhahahahahaha!”
“Yoochun, can you do the laundry today?”
“Eeew! I don’t want to touch your panties!”
“Yoochun, can you get some more soap from the supermarket?”
“Dork. You couldn’t tell me that before I left the house?” *He hangs up on me*
If I bothered to ask Yunho any of these questions, I bet this is what would happen:
“Yunho, give me the salt shaker, please.”
He looks at me and gives me the salt shaker.
“Yunho, can you do the laundry today?”
He looks at me. “Was I too rough with you again? Okay, I’ll…”
“Wait! You don’t know how to separate darks from lights. Let me do it.”
“Okay, Jae…”
“Yunho, call Yoochun and tell him to get some more soap from the supermarket.”
He looks at me. “…Where’s my phone…?”
“…Yunho…”
Aren’t dongsaengs supposed to be obedient to their hyungs? I’m even obedient to Sungmin and he’s not that much older than me. Not even a whole month. Well…I’m only nice to Heechul because he gets really mad if I don’t do what he says. He’d start talking about me on the internet… And…okay, I admit that with Leeteuk, I give a bit more leeway with my obedience. Doing stuff like calling him granny is too much fun and he doesn’t even fight it. Do I really have to give up calling him granny…?
I wonder how Changmin feels about me. Why did he change his mind? Am I that good a kisser? Yunho never complained. But it was just so sudden how he let me kiss him again yesterday. I mean, it wasn’t really me or him that initiated; we just…started kissing.
I need to unwind or something. Maybe I’ll ask Junsu to go walking with me. Or rather…I think I’ll ask Changmin. At least that will keep both of us out of Yunho’s suspicious glare for a while. I feel guilty, but I’ve got to stay strong and act natural for a bit longer before I can tell him the truth.
Eventually, I’ll tell him the truth. I feel nauseous. I don’t think I’ll be able to cook dinner today.
~Jaejoong hyung
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