(no subject)
Last night, we sat down with AB and told him we wanted to help him however we could. He said he was fine. We told him that we were worried about him. That we thought he would be in jail by the time next semester rolled around. He proclaims that he is fine. We go on for hours. He is completely and utterly unresponsive. Even when I come out and say "yeah man, i had a rough time a while back. I got hit pretty hard by the decay and eventually the demise of my last relationship. If it weren't for these guys in this room right now, I' probably be hurting just as bad as you."
He snickered at me.
We tried everything. We poured everything we had into it. We told him that if he knew what was going on, if he could snap out of it, he had to.
It went on for hours. Hours and hours. I barely slept. In the end, I don't think he even knows how's he's acting.
We told him that, if he couldn't let us help him, then we couldn't be around him. We told him how much it hurts to be around him and to see how dead his eyes are and how slow his mind is and how he hears things and sees things and sometimes even tries to make us hate eachother to get the focus off of his behavior.
We told him that, if there was any logic or reason left in him, to reach out and tell us what was hurting him. We told him that if he couldn't do that, then we couldn't stand to be around him anymore because, damn, it hurts so damn much to see him how he is. The fact he's physically assaulted two of his best friends doesn't even figure in. Wanting to feel safe doesn't compare to wanting your friend back.
He told us no. He told us he was fine. He told us that we were acting crazy.
I told him I was sorry I hadn't tried harder. I told him I was going to miss him. I told him it was going to be really hard not to pick up my phone when he calls. We all said goodbye to him. That was last night. This was not like it was with Adrian. We were kicked Adrian in the mud. He deserved it. But we were immature. The hardest thing I've done so far in t0 is give AB a choice about this shit. He made it. We said goodbye. It couldn't have happened any other way. But it still hurts.
But I'm ok. We're all ok. We're going to get past this.
I feel like it's heartless, but I have so much going for me right now. I have a job that I learn from and enjoy very much. I have lunch with one of my best friends every day in D.C. I see my siblings every day and I actually enjoy being around them. I see t0 all the time and we actually vary activities a little bit. It's nowhere near as mundane as it used to be. It's really awesome. And oh hey omg, I dig the whole having t0/m14 mixers. Very fun stuff.
I mean heck, aside from what I lj-cut, I don't really have any complaints. I am truly blessed. =]
He snickered at me.
We tried everything. We poured everything we had into it. We told him that if he knew what was going on, if he could snap out of it, he had to.
It went on for hours. Hours and hours. I barely slept. In the end, I don't think he even knows how's he's acting.
We told him that, if he couldn't let us help him, then we couldn't be around him. We told him how much it hurts to be around him and to see how dead his eyes are and how slow his mind is and how he hears things and sees things and sometimes even tries to make us hate eachother to get the focus off of his behavior.
We told him that, if there was any logic or reason left in him, to reach out and tell us what was hurting him. We told him that if he couldn't do that, then we couldn't stand to be around him anymore because, damn, it hurts so damn much to see him how he is. The fact he's physically assaulted two of his best friends doesn't even figure in. Wanting to feel safe doesn't compare to wanting your friend back.
He told us no. He told us he was fine. He told us that we were acting crazy.
I told him I was sorry I hadn't tried harder. I told him I was going to miss him. I told him it was going to be really hard not to pick up my phone when he calls. We all said goodbye to him. That was last night. This was not like it was with Adrian. We were kicked Adrian in the mud. He deserved it. But we were immature. The hardest thing I've done so far in t0 is give AB a choice about this shit. He made it. We said goodbye. It couldn't have happened any other way. But it still hurts.
But I'm ok. We're all ok. We're going to get past this.
I feel like it's heartless, but I have so much going for me right now. I have a job that I learn from and enjoy very much. I have lunch with one of my best friends every day in D.C. I see my siblings every day and I actually enjoy being around them. I see t0 all the time and we actually vary activities a little bit. It's nowhere near as mundane as it used to be. It's really awesome. And oh hey omg, I dig the whole having t0/m14 mixers. Very fun stuff.
I mean heck, aside from what I lj-cut, I don't really have any complaints. I am truly blessed. =]