Gift fic for maayacola
Title: Between the Lines
Pairing/Characters: Ryo/Uchi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Notes: Dear maayacola I hope you enjoy this ♥ A huge thanks to my betas and one general super-hero.
Summary: Things change, even between the best of friends.
It's him and Uchi in the train after an impromptu gathering of the Osakans, just the two of them because while the others have gone to different directions for the night, Uchi's going to crash at Ryo's hotel room.
Uchi is nodding off, his body slowly slanting towards Ryo but Ryo doesn't really notice, his thoughts somewhere else as he stares into the neon-coloured darkness.
They've had a fun night of too many beers, laughter and perverted jokes but now the bubbly mood has switched into a sleepy haze. There's just one other person in the compartment, a sleeping businessman who doesn't look like he's getting off any time soon.
Ryo turns his head towards Uchi whose head is now resting on Ryo's shoulder; he wonders when Uchi grew up and stopped drooling while sleeping.
Ryo still remembers the weekly train rides between Osaka and Tokyo back then when everything was still simple and they really were best friends. People called Uchi pretty even then but Ryo could never see it, not like he could now, his eyes lingering on sharp cheekbones and pouty lips.
He resists the urge to touch, turning his head away to check the name of the next station.
Uchi whines when Ryo shakes him to wake him up and he smirks, telling Uchi he's lucky that he didn't just leave him in the train to get molested by drunken foreigners. Uchi pouts for a moment, telling him he's being mean, like he wouldn’t have done the exact same thing to Ryo had it been him too drunk to walk in a straight line.
Ryo laughs when Uchi almost hits a pole, and laughs even harder when Uchi claims it just popped out of the ground. Nevertheless Ryo wraps an arm around Uchi’s waist, not wanting to risk a trip to the hospital.
As Uchi kisses Ryo’s cheek with a giggled thanks his breath dies in his throat.
They're fine like this too, teasing and bickering and only briefly touching sensitive topics, different but brought together by years of memories. If Ryo misses the past, salty wetness on his shoulder in the darkness of the night, sweaty hands clasped together briefly before the blinding lights of the stage, the feeling of belonging no matter where they were, he doesn't let it show.
Uchi doesn't either, but Ryo doesn't think for a second he's forgotten about it; he might not need Ryo like he used to but the memories are still there every time their eyes meet across the room.
They fight about something irrelevant the whole way to Ryo's hotel, both too exhausted to do anything else but kick their shoes off and shed half their clothes in a messy pile on the floor. Uchi's climbing onto the same bed as Ryo, Ryo on the left and Uchi on right like it had been from night one and he doesn't have the heart to tell Uchi he was supposed to take the couch.
He figures it doesn't matter that they're not together every day anymore, slipping back into a familiar pattern and telling Uchi to shut the lights. He falls asleep before Uchi can shoot back an answer.
For a moment he forgets things aren’t like they used to be.
The next morning Uchi’s gone before Ryo wakes up sometime in the late hours of the afternoon. Ryo doesn’t mind, even prefers it this way because somehow the mornings are the worst for him. Not that it can be called a morning but Ryo’s let go of normal standards of time a long time ago - he has enough things to stress about without worrying over his inconsistent sleep schedule.
He doesn’t see Uchi for a few months after then, but a few months is a short time when you’re working at any given time, sometimes going straight to a morning television show after a night of shooting a drama.
It was easier to keep contact when they were in the same group - though after so many years of doing it by himself Ryo sometimes forgets Uchi could have been there. The guilt has mostly faded; Uchi’s doing well enough and seems happy with the smaller spotlight he’s given.
Uchi still congratulates him on every new project he starts , Ryo thinks he’s bribed his manager’s assistant to find out so quickly, though half the time Ryo’s not quite sure if he’s made fun of or not. He can take it from Uchi, mostly because it reminds him of when they were younger.
Sometimes Ryo wonders if Uchi only keeps contact with Ryo because he’s so used to it. Ryo’s glad in any case; he’s bad with keeping friends with his habits of snarky words, and forgetting birthdays and dates and calling back when he’s busy.
Uchi can read him well for the most part, but Ryo still wonders how in others he seems to be completely blind.
After three or maybe four months Uchi texts him to meet up with him the next week, and Ryo agrees after a few hours of thinking about it. He’s already skipped a few things Uchi asked him to come to, telling himself that Uchi doesn’t really need him when he has other friends around. This one he can’t really pass on, always being careful about Uchi noticing how Ryo’s avoiding him.
It’s not that he doesn’t like Uchi just as much as he used to - he ignores how that’s a complete lie - but these days meeting Uchi always leaves him feeling off for a few days after. He sends another text suggesting that he bring the beer, and Uchi quickly agrees.
He remembers a time he didn’t need to be intoxicated to meet his friend in private, remembers when their conversation still flowed freely without the empty spaces that threaten to drag out forever.
For the rest of the week he drowns himself in work, because that’s the best way to stop himself from thinking so much.
Ryo doesn't know if he hates it or loves it when Uchi's drunk.
Uchi gets even clingier than usual, and Ryo's his favourite human pillow, Uchi's long legs and arms wrapped around him so that Ryo can’t move even if he wanted to. He grumbles about being too hot and being unable to breathe, trying effortlessly to push Uchi away but his arms lack the strength to push away what he craves for.
Then there are the kisses, wet and sloppy ones on his cheek, brief and tickling on his neck, warm and breathy against his ear. Ryo figures it's just how Uchi is when he's drunk, because he never stops giggling and talking to Ryo until he starts feeling dizzy.
Ryo makes faces and disapproving noises like he’s supposed to, ignoring Uchi when he asks why Ryo-chan's pulse is so fast, and nuzzles Ryo’s neck with his nose.
Luckily for Ryo Uchi gets distracted easily too, deciding that he's craving hot chocolate more than anything and swaying his way to the kitchen. And that's what Ryo hates the most about Uchi being drunk, the way he can't help feeling a sense of loss when Uchi's warmth leaves his lap.
No matter how hard he tells himself it's stupid and pointless, he's stuck with the feeling. Has been stuck with the feeling for long enough to be labelled pathetic even in his mind.
And when he's on his way to the nearest conbini to get that hot chocolate, once again having lost the battle against puppy eyes and pleading 'Ryo-chaaaaan's, he decides it's enough.
He turns around, wrapping his thin jacket tighter around him when the cold night wind blows straight through it, walking around for a bit before finding a taxi to take him home. He doubts that come morning Uchi can even remember that he was supposed to be back.
Ryo gets sick after that, just like every other time he panics about having revealed too much to Uchi. He sleeps too little to begin with, and well, he’s not quite as above heartache as he sometimes pretends to be.
Ironically, he writes his best lyrics when he’s feverish and sore, and afterwards it’s easy to change details and pretend that the songs aren’t about Uchi at all.
Ryo figures all the time he needs to kill is the worst part of his work. Sure he can nap when there’s a couch or even a friendly lap to invade but mostly there’s not, and by now he’s played through every single game on his phone at least fifty times.
This time there’s a quiet bowling alley near-by and he heads there, Subaru and Yoko in tow as soon as they finish with their work.
It’s a bit awkward, just the three of them, but Yoko’s loud enough to make it bearable after a day of having to pull off serious faces to suit the emotional lyrics of the song.
Ryo’s having a heated conversation about football with Subaru when Yoko comes back from the phone, deciding to interrupt them with something completely random.
“Guys did you hear that Uchi’s dating someone?” he asks, making Ryo freeze in the middle of a sentence.
“Aiba heard Tackey talking with someone from Question? and apparently-“ Ryo doesn’t hear the rest, taking the heaviest ball even if it’s not his turn and throwing it with all strength he has.
“Dokkun got us banned from the bowling alley because Uchi’s getting some and he’s not,” Yoko gleefully tells anyone who will listen as soon as they get back to the shoot. At least he didn’t understand the real reason Ryo got mad, he thinks, when Hina’s hand slaps the back of his head for the third time that day.
At least the director praises him for a job superbly done, telling Ryo how good an actor he is to manage such real emotion for a mere PV shoot.
“Ryo-chan, aren’t you being a little ridiculous with this?” Yasu later asks him, and then again when Ryo pretends to not hear him and stares intently at his ramen.
“It’s been what, five years since you told him. Isn’t it time to let it go?” Yasu continues when Ryo shakes his head, adding more mayonnaise to the top of his food. He’d only told Yasu what had happened a few years ago, after he’d started doubting his own memories and just wanted somebody to understand why things were like they were between him and Uchi.
Ryo stiffens a little, wiggling when the memories of him and Uchi in bed together, of him telling Uchi he’d like something more in an unsure voice, of the heart-breaking silence that followed.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” he asks, hating how choked his voice comes out. He mumbles an apology and heads out, appreciating Yasu’s concern for him but not really wanting any now.
At least he can trust Yasu not to say anything to Uchi or anyone else. They’ve traded secrets, ensuring control over the other before allowing some over themselves.
It’s just that sometimes he doesn’t trust himself to not tell, having left dozens of silent messages to Uchi’s voice mail over the years.
“I still want you, Hiroki, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he whispers into the phone that night, and when he realizes he isn’t talking to the dial tone any more, it’s already too late to take it back.
Ryo can tell Uchi is mad when he comes over that night, and Ryo figures he’d be too if he found out his so-called best friend was still hung up on something that happened half a decade ago.
“You left this,” Uchi says coldly, holding out Ryo’s a small bag with Ryo’s spare sunglasses in it. Ryo blinks a little, having forgotten about the whole visit.
“And now you can explain what the fuck you’re playing at? First you leave me without a word and then I hear nothing from you for weeks and then you call me to tell me you want sex? That’s rude even from you.”
Ryo’s not quite sure what to say to that, blinking at Uchi but not getting much out. “Uh?”
“I’ve been basically throwing myself at you every time we get drunk together and you’ve always pushed me away after that first time, and now you say you want it and-I just don’t get you sometimes, you know?” Uchi sighs, kicking his shoes off and making his way to Ryo’s couch, pushing the notes and papers to the floor to make room.
“You’ve been throwing yourself at me?” Ryo asks, secretly pinching his arm because he’s quite sure this is some weird dream. Maybe he’d fallen asleep watching porn again.
Uchi gives him a look, and Ryo wants to kiss him really badly.
“I didn’t think you’d notice if I left,” Ryo says, because that’s the only part making any sense right now. “Sorry.”
Uchi crosses his arms, like he’s waiting for more out of Ryo. He probably is, knowing what a princess he can be about getting his feelings hurt. Ryo hadn’t realized he still had that power over him.
“You know why I push you away,” he says, shifting his feet and looking at everywhere but Uchi. He doesn’t deserve this, not just for that.
“You’re so hot and cold, Ryo, I don’t know what to think any more.”
“I want more,” Ryo says, his voice fading out before he can continue.
“What do you mean?” Uchi asks, frowning at him like he isn’t making any sense. Ryo’s unable to say anything, his face slowly heating up as the frustration and embarrassment grows.
Uchi repeats his question, slowly, like Ryo’s some child who doesn’t quite grasp simple grammar yet.
“I mean the same thing I meant five years ago when you just ignored me and went to sleep,” Ryo snaps, shooting a glare at Uchi that usually makes the juniors and staff run to the opposite direction.
“Huh?” Uchi says, and Ryo can see the moment when it finally dawns on him. “You mean you didn’t mean you just wanted more sex? Ryo-chan you really need to start speaking more clearly, I-“ Uchi stops and blinks, and Ryo must be seeing things since there’s no way Uchi looks like he’s about to laugh.
“Are you trying to tell me you’ve been in love with me for the last five years and only managed to say something about it now?”
Ryo says nothing, chewing on his lip in a nervous manner, really hating how Uchi always takes his feelings so lightly. He might be bad with expressing himself, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to always be laughed at. Not when it comes to this at least.
“Ryo-chan I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Uchi says, his tone soft as he gets up and walks closer to him.
That makes it a little better for Ryo, but being less angry also means he has room for embarrassment, making a funny sort of noise as a result.
“How about you take me out on a date and we see how it goes?” Uchi asks after it becomes apparent that Ryo’s way too wrapped up in his own head to say anything.
He’s okay with that, and so he nods, quickly glancing at Uchi to see him looking a little less sure of himself, too.
“I’m going now,” Uchi says, and Ryo nods, following him to the door without a word.
“So,” Uchi starts but never finishes, because Ryo’s decided to screw his own insecurities and just kiss Uchi, hard and hungry and full on the lips.
He can feel Uchi’s surprise for a heartbeat but then he’s kissing back just as needily, and it takes all Ryo’s strength to push him away and out of the door.
I hate you, your neighbour thinks I’m some kind of a pervert, standing here with a hard on.
Ryo closes his eyes and thinks about Uchi’s wide eyes and swollen red lips and groans; he needs a cold shower.
You’re too easy.
You’re a hypocrite.
Ryo grins, he might be a hypocrite but it’s nice to know how much he can affect Uchi. It might not work out, but at least Uchi doesn’t seem to be doing this just out of sympathy.
Ryo spends the next week freaking out about where to take Uchi, calling in any favours he has to make special and private reservations. In the end he’s pretty impressed about his plans, waking up that morning with a grin that doesn’t fade until he’s standing in front of Uchi’s door.
Then he starts getting nervous, which is pretty stupid considering he’s known this person most of his life.
Uchi’s eyes flash when he opens the door and takes in Ryo’s polished appearance, and Ryo closes the door behind him just in case. A photo of him wrapped around an ex group mate is the exact thing his manager told him never to let happen.
”Are you ready?” Ryo asks, the earlier wide grin spreading over his lips again.
”Yeah,” Uchi says, and then before Ryo knows what’s happening he’s pushed against the wall, Uchi’s mouth hot on his. He moans in surprise, his skin prickling with sudden and strong wave of arousal as he grinds against Uchi and kisses him back with all he has.
”Changed my mind about the going out part,” Uchi says, barely breaking the kiss to get the words out and Ryo’s so on board with that he doesn’t have a word for it.
”Shut up,” he says, pulling Uchi closer to him and biting down on his bottom lip to show just how much he means that. If Uchi were planning on just being a tease he can forget about it because now that Ryo’s finally getting what he’s been yearning for he isn’t going to stop until Uchi’s writhing naked and hot under him.
”Make me,” Uchi answers, and Ryo finds himself pressed harder to the wall, Uchi’s fingers clasping around his wrists and pushing them above his head. Ryo can’t say he minds, lifting his chin as Uchi’s tongue maps out soft spots on his throat and neck, making him whine with need.
It’s ridiculous how turned on he is already, and he can feel that Uchi’s not any better off, and for the first time in his life he’s scared he really isn’t going to make it to the bed.
He manages to catch Uchi off guard with a thigh pushing between his legs to rub against him, freeing his hands to tug off the t-shirt that’s just getting in the way. Uchi doesn’t seem to care about losing control over Ryo, his long fingers working Ryo’s pants open and causing him to nearly lose it.
”Want you,” Ryo chokes out just before Uchi’s cool palm hits the heated skin of his cock, his fingers wrapping around his hard flesh and tugging him into full length.
Ryo moans, his head hitting the wall hard, but the pain just makes everything feel that much more real to him. He’s fighting with himself, wanting to just thrust into Uchi’s hand and let go like this, but also wanting to feel the rush of burning need.
Uchi makes the decision for him, peeling himself off of Ryo and heading towards the bedroom, discarding every single bit of clothing on the way.
Ryo’s too stunned to move at first, his eyes glued onto Uchi’s naked skin as he scrambles after him, catching him at the doorway and pushing him onto the bed.
”I like you like this,” he growls, demanding a deep kiss from Uchi’s lips that makes them both shiver and groan with need.
”On my back for you?” Uchi asks, the breathy moan of his words forcing Ryo to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Ryo doesn’t answer, just kisses Uchi again and lets him strip him the rest of the way.
Ryo could spend forever just tasting Uchi’s warm skin, drawing sweet noises from him and make him want it so bad he’s begging for it but he doesn’t have the patience for it that night. He presses a spit-slicked finger onto Uchi’s entrance as a demand, lust spiralling down his body as he watches Uchi keening for more.
He’s not quite sure where the lube comes from but right now he doesn’t care either, slicking his fingers and feeling Uchi whimpering as he pushes one in.
”More,” he demands and Ryo’s only happy to oblige, spreading him loose as fast as he can. Uchi lifts his head to kiss him, tugging at Ryo’s hair and making him tremble, deep groans leaving his throat.
He doesn’t need to ask Uchi if he’s ready, the way he’s spreading the lube onto Ryo’s cock and rocking his hips to get more of the fingers clue enough.
”Please,” he cries out and Ryo’s right there, pushing into his body in one smooth movement until he’s buried to the hilt. He stops for a second to let them both breathe, but Uchi has a way of demanding more, his legs wrapping around Ryo’s lower back to force him into movement.
He thrusts deeper and deeper in, picking up his pace until it’s all just a constant stream of pleasure and needy noises and burning touches and he never wants to stop doing this again.
Uchi’s body is familiar enough to him now, and even though it’s been five years after the first slightly awkward time his body can still remember what he learned then. He searches for the angle to give Uchi what he’s begging for and then wraps his hand around Uchi’s cock to pull him off at the same time.
They don’t last very long, Uchi impossibly tight and hot around him as he comes, thrashing under Ryo with a lengthened moan and setting him off, too. His body burns as he comes with Uchi’s name on his lips, collapsing on top of him and nearly purring with the pleasure of it.
He maybe dozes off a little, making a reluctant noise when Uchi nudges him and pushes him off of him, not wanting to lose the warmth of him.
“Ryo-chan, I’m sticky,” Uchi says, the deep satisfaction in his voice making Ryo smile almost painfully widely.
He’s in too good of a mood to resist, dragging himself out of bed and into the bathroom, humming to himself as he sets a bath. These things Uchi doesn’t need to specify, Ryo just knows after all this time.
Only when the warmth leaves his skin it leaves room for doubt, taking a little too long in the bathroom.
“Ryo?” Uchi’s voice calls him and he figures hiding isn’t exactly the smartest thing to do, so he moves back to the bedroom, but not quite to the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Uchi asks, because Ryo’s emotions are often written on his face for everybody to see who cares enough to look.
“So… You know. I love you,” Ryo manages, fidgeting nervously and looking somewhere past Uchi’s head because these kind of things are hard for him to say, even if the actual feelings are easy.
“I know,” Uchi says, patting the bed next to him, and Ryo goes over because there is no way Uchi doesn’t feel at least partly the same after sex like that.
Uchi kisses the tip of his nose and then his lips, and Ryo lets himself be cuddled against him. He doesn’t need to pretend he doesn’t like it, now, and that feels so much better.
“You’re my best friend,” Uchi says, and that’s enough for Ryo, because he’s had five years to be sure of this and so he can wait a little while longer to Uchi to get there, too. He already knows the best and worst of Ryo, anyway, and that makes it so easy Ryo really doesn’t know why he never tried harder to get it.
Ryo nods, and kisses Uchi again, a smug smile creeping onto his lips as he starts planning round two.
“Never done it in a bath tub,” Ryo mumbles, and the tone of Uchi’s laughter suggests he is completely open to that, and any other idea Ryo might get.
He feels comfortable around Uchi again, and in the end that matters more than anything else.
Pairing/Characters: Ryo/Uchi
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None.
Notes: Dear maayacola I hope you enjoy this ♥ A huge thanks to my betas and one general super-hero.
Summary: Things change, even between the best of friends.
It's him and Uchi in the train after an impromptu gathering of the Osakans, just the two of them because while the others have gone to different directions for the night, Uchi's going to crash at Ryo's hotel room.
Uchi is nodding off, his body slowly slanting towards Ryo but Ryo doesn't really notice, his thoughts somewhere else as he stares into the neon-coloured darkness.
They've had a fun night of too many beers, laughter and perverted jokes but now the bubbly mood has switched into a sleepy haze. There's just one other person in the compartment, a sleeping businessman who doesn't look like he's getting off any time soon.
Ryo turns his head towards Uchi whose head is now resting on Ryo's shoulder; he wonders when Uchi grew up and stopped drooling while sleeping.
Ryo still remembers the weekly train rides between Osaka and Tokyo back then when everything was still simple and they really were best friends. People called Uchi pretty even then but Ryo could never see it, not like he could now, his eyes lingering on sharp cheekbones and pouty lips.
He resists the urge to touch, turning his head away to check the name of the next station.
Uchi whines when Ryo shakes him to wake him up and he smirks, telling Uchi he's lucky that he didn't just leave him in the train to get molested by drunken foreigners. Uchi pouts for a moment, telling him he's being mean, like he wouldn’t have done the exact same thing to Ryo had it been him too drunk to walk in a straight line.
Ryo laughs when Uchi almost hits a pole, and laughs even harder when Uchi claims it just popped out of the ground. Nevertheless Ryo wraps an arm around Uchi’s waist, not wanting to risk a trip to the hospital.
As Uchi kisses Ryo’s cheek with a giggled thanks his breath dies in his throat.
They're fine like this too, teasing and bickering and only briefly touching sensitive topics, different but brought together by years of memories. If Ryo misses the past, salty wetness on his shoulder in the darkness of the night, sweaty hands clasped together briefly before the blinding lights of the stage, the feeling of belonging no matter where they were, he doesn't let it show.
Uchi doesn't either, but Ryo doesn't think for a second he's forgotten about it; he might not need Ryo like he used to but the memories are still there every time their eyes meet across the room.
They fight about something irrelevant the whole way to Ryo's hotel, both too exhausted to do anything else but kick their shoes off and shed half their clothes in a messy pile on the floor. Uchi's climbing onto the same bed as Ryo, Ryo on the left and Uchi on right like it had been from night one and he doesn't have the heart to tell Uchi he was supposed to take the couch.
He figures it doesn't matter that they're not together every day anymore, slipping back into a familiar pattern and telling Uchi to shut the lights. He falls asleep before Uchi can shoot back an answer.
For a moment he forgets things aren’t like they used to be.
The next morning Uchi’s gone before Ryo wakes up sometime in the late hours of the afternoon. Ryo doesn’t mind, even prefers it this way because somehow the mornings are the worst for him. Not that it can be called a morning but Ryo’s let go of normal standards of time a long time ago - he has enough things to stress about without worrying over his inconsistent sleep schedule.
He doesn’t see Uchi for a few months after then, but a few months is a short time when you’re working at any given time, sometimes going straight to a morning television show after a night of shooting a drama.
It was easier to keep contact when they were in the same group - though after so many years of doing it by himself Ryo sometimes forgets Uchi could have been there. The guilt has mostly faded; Uchi’s doing well enough and seems happy with the smaller spotlight he’s given.
Uchi still congratulates him on every new project he starts , Ryo thinks he’s bribed his manager’s assistant to find out so quickly, though half the time Ryo’s not quite sure if he’s made fun of or not. He can take it from Uchi, mostly because it reminds him of when they were younger.
Sometimes Ryo wonders if Uchi only keeps contact with Ryo because he’s so used to it. Ryo’s glad in any case; he’s bad with keeping friends with his habits of snarky words, and forgetting birthdays and dates and calling back when he’s busy.
Uchi can read him well for the most part, but Ryo still wonders how in others he seems to be completely blind.
After three or maybe four months Uchi texts him to meet up with him the next week, and Ryo agrees after a few hours of thinking about it. He’s already skipped a few things Uchi asked him to come to, telling himself that Uchi doesn’t really need him when he has other friends around. This one he can’t really pass on, always being careful about Uchi noticing how Ryo’s avoiding him.
It’s not that he doesn’t like Uchi just as much as he used to - he ignores how that’s a complete lie - but these days meeting Uchi always leaves him feeling off for a few days after. He sends another text suggesting that he bring the beer, and Uchi quickly agrees.
He remembers a time he didn’t need to be intoxicated to meet his friend in private, remembers when their conversation still flowed freely without the empty spaces that threaten to drag out forever.
For the rest of the week he drowns himself in work, because that’s the best way to stop himself from thinking so much.
Ryo doesn't know if he hates it or loves it when Uchi's drunk.
Uchi gets even clingier than usual, and Ryo's his favourite human pillow, Uchi's long legs and arms wrapped around him so that Ryo can’t move even if he wanted to. He grumbles about being too hot and being unable to breathe, trying effortlessly to push Uchi away but his arms lack the strength to push away what he craves for.
Then there are the kisses, wet and sloppy ones on his cheek, brief and tickling on his neck, warm and breathy against his ear. Ryo figures it's just how Uchi is when he's drunk, because he never stops giggling and talking to Ryo until he starts feeling dizzy.
Ryo makes faces and disapproving noises like he’s supposed to, ignoring Uchi when he asks why Ryo-chan's pulse is so fast, and nuzzles Ryo’s neck with his nose.
Luckily for Ryo Uchi gets distracted easily too, deciding that he's craving hot chocolate more than anything and swaying his way to the kitchen. And that's what Ryo hates the most about Uchi being drunk, the way he can't help feeling a sense of loss when Uchi's warmth leaves his lap.
No matter how hard he tells himself it's stupid and pointless, he's stuck with the feeling. Has been stuck with the feeling for long enough to be labelled pathetic even in his mind.
And when he's on his way to the nearest conbini to get that hot chocolate, once again having lost the battle against puppy eyes and pleading 'Ryo-chaaaaan's, he decides it's enough.
He turns around, wrapping his thin jacket tighter around him when the cold night wind blows straight through it, walking around for a bit before finding a taxi to take him home. He doubts that come morning Uchi can even remember that he was supposed to be back.
Ryo gets sick after that, just like every other time he panics about having revealed too much to Uchi. He sleeps too little to begin with, and well, he’s not quite as above heartache as he sometimes pretends to be.
Ironically, he writes his best lyrics when he’s feverish and sore, and afterwards it’s easy to change details and pretend that the songs aren’t about Uchi at all.
Ryo figures all the time he needs to kill is the worst part of his work. Sure he can nap when there’s a couch or even a friendly lap to invade but mostly there’s not, and by now he’s played through every single game on his phone at least fifty times.
This time there’s a quiet bowling alley near-by and he heads there, Subaru and Yoko in tow as soon as they finish with their work.
It’s a bit awkward, just the three of them, but Yoko’s loud enough to make it bearable after a day of having to pull off serious faces to suit the emotional lyrics of the song.
Ryo’s having a heated conversation about football with Subaru when Yoko comes back from the phone, deciding to interrupt them with something completely random.
“Guys did you hear that Uchi’s dating someone?” he asks, making Ryo freeze in the middle of a sentence.
“Aiba heard Tackey talking with someone from Question? and apparently-“ Ryo doesn’t hear the rest, taking the heaviest ball even if it’s not his turn and throwing it with all strength he has.
“Dokkun got us banned from the bowling alley because Uchi’s getting some and he’s not,” Yoko gleefully tells anyone who will listen as soon as they get back to the shoot. At least he didn’t understand the real reason Ryo got mad, he thinks, when Hina’s hand slaps the back of his head for the third time that day.
At least the director praises him for a job superbly done, telling Ryo how good an actor he is to manage such real emotion for a mere PV shoot.
“Ryo-chan, aren’t you being a little ridiculous with this?” Yasu later asks him, and then again when Ryo pretends to not hear him and stares intently at his ramen.
“It’s been what, five years since you told him. Isn’t it time to let it go?” Yasu continues when Ryo shakes his head, adding more mayonnaise to the top of his food. He’d only told Yasu what had happened a few years ago, after he’d started doubting his own memories and just wanted somebody to understand why things were like they were between him and Uchi.
Ryo stiffens a little, wiggling when the memories of him and Uchi in bed together, of him telling Uchi he’d like something more in an unsure voice, of the heart-breaking silence that followed.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried?” he asks, hating how choked his voice comes out. He mumbles an apology and heads out, appreciating Yasu’s concern for him but not really wanting any now.
At least he can trust Yasu not to say anything to Uchi or anyone else. They’ve traded secrets, ensuring control over the other before allowing some over themselves.
It’s just that sometimes he doesn’t trust himself to not tell, having left dozens of silent messages to Uchi’s voice mail over the years.
“I still want you, Hiroki, and I don’t know what to do about it,” he whispers into the phone that night, and when he realizes he isn’t talking to the dial tone any more, it’s already too late to take it back.
Ryo can tell Uchi is mad when he comes over that night, and Ryo figures he’d be too if he found out his so-called best friend was still hung up on something that happened half a decade ago.
“You left this,” Uchi says coldly, holding out Ryo’s a small bag with Ryo’s spare sunglasses in it. Ryo blinks a little, having forgotten about the whole visit.
“And now you can explain what the fuck you’re playing at? First you leave me without a word and then I hear nothing from you for weeks and then you call me to tell me you want sex? That’s rude even from you.”
Ryo’s not quite sure what to say to that, blinking at Uchi but not getting much out. “Uh?”
“I’ve been basically throwing myself at you every time we get drunk together and you’ve always pushed me away after that first time, and now you say you want it and-I just don’t get you sometimes, you know?” Uchi sighs, kicking his shoes off and making his way to Ryo’s couch, pushing the notes and papers to the floor to make room.
“You’ve been throwing yourself at me?” Ryo asks, secretly pinching his arm because he’s quite sure this is some weird dream. Maybe he’d fallen asleep watching porn again.
Uchi gives him a look, and Ryo wants to kiss him really badly.
“I didn’t think you’d notice if I left,” Ryo says, because that’s the only part making any sense right now. “Sorry.”
Uchi crosses his arms, like he’s waiting for more out of Ryo. He probably is, knowing what a princess he can be about getting his feelings hurt. Ryo hadn’t realized he still had that power over him.
“You know why I push you away,” he says, shifting his feet and looking at everywhere but Uchi. He doesn’t deserve this, not just for that.
“You’re so hot and cold, Ryo, I don’t know what to think any more.”
“I want more,” Ryo says, his voice fading out before he can continue.
“What do you mean?” Uchi asks, frowning at him like he isn’t making any sense. Ryo’s unable to say anything, his face slowly heating up as the frustration and embarrassment grows.
Uchi repeats his question, slowly, like Ryo’s some child who doesn’t quite grasp simple grammar yet.
“I mean the same thing I meant five years ago when you just ignored me and went to sleep,” Ryo snaps, shooting a glare at Uchi that usually makes the juniors and staff run to the opposite direction.
“Huh?” Uchi says, and Ryo can see the moment when it finally dawns on him. “You mean you didn’t mean you just wanted more sex? Ryo-chan you really need to start speaking more clearly, I-“ Uchi stops and blinks, and Ryo must be seeing things since there’s no way Uchi looks like he’s about to laugh.
“Are you trying to tell me you’ve been in love with me for the last five years and only managed to say something about it now?”
Ryo says nothing, chewing on his lip in a nervous manner, really hating how Uchi always takes his feelings so lightly. He might be bad with expressing himself, but that doesn’t mean he deserves to always be laughed at. Not when it comes to this at least.
“Ryo-chan I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” Uchi says, his tone soft as he gets up and walks closer to him.
That makes it a little better for Ryo, but being less angry also means he has room for embarrassment, making a funny sort of noise as a result.
“How about you take me out on a date and we see how it goes?” Uchi asks after it becomes apparent that Ryo’s way too wrapped up in his own head to say anything.
He’s okay with that, and so he nods, quickly glancing at Uchi to see him looking a little less sure of himself, too.
“I’m going now,” Uchi says, and Ryo nods, following him to the door without a word.
“So,” Uchi starts but never finishes, because Ryo’s decided to screw his own insecurities and just kiss Uchi, hard and hungry and full on the lips.
He can feel Uchi’s surprise for a heartbeat but then he’s kissing back just as needily, and it takes all Ryo’s strength to push him away and out of the door.
I hate you, your neighbour thinks I’m some kind of a pervert, standing here with a hard on.
Ryo closes his eyes and thinks about Uchi’s wide eyes and swollen red lips and groans; he needs a cold shower.
You’re too easy.
You’re a hypocrite.
Ryo grins, he might be a hypocrite but it’s nice to know how much he can affect Uchi. It might not work out, but at least Uchi doesn’t seem to be doing this just out of sympathy.
Ryo spends the next week freaking out about where to take Uchi, calling in any favours he has to make special and private reservations. In the end he’s pretty impressed about his plans, waking up that morning with a grin that doesn’t fade until he’s standing in front of Uchi’s door.
Then he starts getting nervous, which is pretty stupid considering he’s known this person most of his life.
Uchi’s eyes flash when he opens the door and takes in Ryo’s polished appearance, and Ryo closes the door behind him just in case. A photo of him wrapped around an ex group mate is the exact thing his manager told him never to let happen.
”Are you ready?” Ryo asks, the earlier wide grin spreading over his lips again.
”Yeah,” Uchi says, and then before Ryo knows what’s happening he’s pushed against the wall, Uchi’s mouth hot on his. He moans in surprise, his skin prickling with sudden and strong wave of arousal as he grinds against Uchi and kisses him back with all he has.
”Changed my mind about the going out part,” Uchi says, barely breaking the kiss to get the words out and Ryo’s so on board with that he doesn’t have a word for it.
”Shut up,” he says, pulling Uchi closer to him and biting down on his bottom lip to show just how much he means that. If Uchi were planning on just being a tease he can forget about it because now that Ryo’s finally getting what he’s been yearning for he isn’t going to stop until Uchi’s writhing naked and hot under him.
”Make me,” Uchi answers, and Ryo finds himself pressed harder to the wall, Uchi’s fingers clasping around his wrists and pushing them above his head. Ryo can’t say he minds, lifting his chin as Uchi’s tongue maps out soft spots on his throat and neck, making him whine with need.
It’s ridiculous how turned on he is already, and he can feel that Uchi’s not any better off, and for the first time in his life he’s scared he really isn’t going to make it to the bed.
He manages to catch Uchi off guard with a thigh pushing between his legs to rub against him, freeing his hands to tug off the t-shirt that’s just getting in the way. Uchi doesn’t seem to care about losing control over Ryo, his long fingers working Ryo’s pants open and causing him to nearly lose it.
”Want you,” Ryo chokes out just before Uchi’s cool palm hits the heated skin of his cock, his fingers wrapping around his hard flesh and tugging him into full length.
Ryo moans, his head hitting the wall hard, but the pain just makes everything feel that much more real to him. He’s fighting with himself, wanting to just thrust into Uchi’s hand and let go like this, but also wanting to feel the rush of burning need.
Uchi makes the decision for him, peeling himself off of Ryo and heading towards the bedroom, discarding every single bit of clothing on the way.
Ryo’s too stunned to move at first, his eyes glued onto Uchi’s naked skin as he scrambles after him, catching him at the doorway and pushing him onto the bed.
”I like you like this,” he growls, demanding a deep kiss from Uchi’s lips that makes them both shiver and groan with need.
”On my back for you?” Uchi asks, the breathy moan of his words forcing Ryo to close his eyes and take a deep breath. Ryo doesn’t answer, just kisses Uchi again and lets him strip him the rest of the way.
Ryo could spend forever just tasting Uchi’s warm skin, drawing sweet noises from him and make him want it so bad he’s begging for it but he doesn’t have the patience for it that night. He presses a spit-slicked finger onto Uchi’s entrance as a demand, lust spiralling down his body as he watches Uchi keening for more.
He’s not quite sure where the lube comes from but right now he doesn’t care either, slicking his fingers and feeling Uchi whimpering as he pushes one in.
”More,” he demands and Ryo’s only happy to oblige, spreading him loose as fast as he can. Uchi lifts his head to kiss him, tugging at Ryo’s hair and making him tremble, deep groans leaving his throat.
He doesn’t need to ask Uchi if he’s ready, the way he’s spreading the lube onto Ryo’s cock and rocking his hips to get more of the fingers clue enough.
”Please,” he cries out and Ryo’s right there, pushing into his body in one smooth movement until he’s buried to the hilt. He stops for a second to let them both breathe, but Uchi has a way of demanding more, his legs wrapping around Ryo’s lower back to force him into movement.
He thrusts deeper and deeper in, picking up his pace until it’s all just a constant stream of pleasure and needy noises and burning touches and he never wants to stop doing this again.
Uchi’s body is familiar enough to him now, and even though it’s been five years after the first slightly awkward time his body can still remember what he learned then. He searches for the angle to give Uchi what he’s begging for and then wraps his hand around Uchi’s cock to pull him off at the same time.
They don’t last very long, Uchi impossibly tight and hot around him as he comes, thrashing under Ryo with a lengthened moan and setting him off, too. His body burns as he comes with Uchi’s name on his lips, collapsing on top of him and nearly purring with the pleasure of it.
He maybe dozes off a little, making a reluctant noise when Uchi nudges him and pushes him off of him, not wanting to lose the warmth of him.
“Ryo-chan, I’m sticky,” Uchi says, the deep satisfaction in his voice making Ryo smile almost painfully widely.
He’s in too good of a mood to resist, dragging himself out of bed and into the bathroom, humming to himself as he sets a bath. These things Uchi doesn’t need to specify, Ryo just knows after all this time.
Only when the warmth leaves his skin it leaves room for doubt, taking a little too long in the bathroom.
“Ryo?” Uchi’s voice calls him and he figures hiding isn’t exactly the smartest thing to do, so he moves back to the bedroom, but not quite to the bed.
“What’s wrong?” Uchi asks, because Ryo’s emotions are often written on his face for everybody to see who cares enough to look.
“So… You know. I love you,” Ryo manages, fidgeting nervously and looking somewhere past Uchi’s head because these kind of things are hard for him to say, even if the actual feelings are easy.
“I know,” Uchi says, patting the bed next to him, and Ryo goes over because there is no way Uchi doesn’t feel at least partly the same after sex like that.
Uchi kisses the tip of his nose and then his lips, and Ryo lets himself be cuddled against him. He doesn’t need to pretend he doesn’t like it, now, and that feels so much better.
“You’re my best friend,” Uchi says, and that’s enough for Ryo, because he’s had five years to be sure of this and so he can wait a little while longer to Uchi to get there, too. He already knows the best and worst of Ryo, anyway, and that makes it so easy Ryo really doesn’t know why he never tried harder to get it.
Ryo nods, and kisses Uchi again, a smug smile creeping onto his lips as he starts planning round two.
“Never done it in a bath tub,” Ryo mumbles, and the tone of Uchi’s laughter suggests he is completely open to that, and any other idea Ryo might get.
He feels comfortable around Uchi again, and in the end that matters more than anything else.