Ficlet: Yugito (ref to Kakuzu, Hidan) Transition State
Transition State
***
Yugito gets word that the village has called off the rescue mission, and she feels the walls of her prison get that much smaller.
It is a reasonable action to take, she can rationalize on some level, but the feelings of betrayal and abandonment don’t listen to such lines of reasoning.
The sense of alienation is even more pronounced; she really had thought she’d made peace with the need to belong- reconciled herself to take what was her own and own it, to make that be enough. She really had thought her own strengths would supercede the need to belong in her home, to even have a place that felt or possessed those qualities seemed foolish and naïve, and never obtainable in the face of what had transpired. That it had been fruitless and wistful to hope for, a pointless yearning. To be confronted with how much it hurt to have that cemented as unattainable lay on her like a weighted shroud and left an empty sensation with an ache reminiscent of hunger.
At some level lies the realization that they had tried above and beyond what would have been done for another jounin rank ninja. She would like to think it is because of her own intrinsic worth and not just that she is a valuable weapon. It is a grim fact that in the eyes of the rulers there is a price each of them is worth paying, but in the end they are all expendable.
Darker thoughts are an unwanted intrusion and eclipse rationality with a cold doubt. It’s difficult to allow the thought that the village’s actions are possibly motivated by anything other than the consideration for the welfare of the people. The prejudice and ignorant hatred contained in sideways glances cut from the corners of eyes, the apprehension that hung in the air and made it flat and prohibitive.Having always been on the margins of society even in within the ninja sphere, there had been meted out a grudging tolerance by those around her. By some, she had even gained more than just a neutral regard beyond the respect for her skills. Nevertheless, there had always been the undercurrent of exclusion, the unstated fact of her difference, of being ‘other’. All the pain and struggle that she had to go through, the lengths to which she had gone to serve the village, to have that fall away in the end cut her deeper than any sword ever would. At the receiving end of all the slights and neglect, subjected to inhumane treatment not because she could handle it but was able to survive it by virtue or vice of her super-human capacity. The potential for the ill will not to be born from her uncanny or unsettling existence as a jinchūriki was a bewildering and unwelcome thought.
At least with Hidan and Kakuzu they are honest in that respect. They don’t pretend or hide behind the false pretense of having motives aside from self promotion. They are survivors, for whatever purpose, apparent or obscure- certainly there is a lot of history there that she isn’t privy to, the madness behind the method, so to speak. Rarely is it the case that someone arrives at such a point without first having gone through the fire.
Leaving the village wasn’t something she wanted to do, but neither was there enough there anymore to make her stay. Taking the company of criminals - that sounded far too condemning, like any of the epithets hurled at her- isn’t one of the things she planned on either, but she found the meandering wandering lifestyle far less burdensome, surprisingly, in the way she had never considered what a life like that would be.
The ties of loyalty and duty were loosened, and not on her part were they released. The village had set her free with a dispensation justified with whatever reasons they had for cutting their losses. The conclusion that if she was unattainable, that anything else she had to give was out of reach, they would forfeit and let her fall to the wayside. If her service to them was no longer expected or accepted, what choice was left? Certainly she could refuse to take up arms against her fellow or, rather former, countrymen and not actively harm them. Her word still held true even if their hand was left unextended.
***
A/N: I've been working on this for a while- editing is always difficult, trying to shape the ideas into a story that conveys the meaning I am aiming for, having to try multiple times because, hey, I don't know anyone who can churn out a ready to publish piece on the first go. This still doesn't please me entirely, but I've gotten it to a point where I don't know how else to adjust it, so here it is. It feels a lot like an essay, and less like an engaging story which kinda disappoints b/c I like the characters so much. BTW, the title is also utter crap, but I couldn't just leave it untitled and call it drabble #x could I?
***
Yugito gets word that the village has called off the rescue mission, and she feels the walls of her prison get that much smaller.
It is a reasonable action to take, she can rationalize on some level, but the feelings of betrayal and abandonment don’t listen to such lines of reasoning.
The sense of alienation is even more pronounced; she really had thought she’d made peace with the need to belong- reconciled herself to take what was her own and own it, to make that be enough. She really had thought her own strengths would supercede the need to belong in her home, to even have a place that felt or possessed those qualities seemed foolish and naïve, and never obtainable in the face of what had transpired. That it had been fruitless and wistful to hope for, a pointless yearning. To be confronted with how much it hurt to have that cemented as unattainable lay on her like a weighted shroud and left an empty sensation with an ache reminiscent of hunger.
At some level lies the realization that they had tried above and beyond what would have been done for another jounin rank ninja. She would like to think it is because of her own intrinsic worth and not just that she is a valuable weapon. It is a grim fact that in the eyes of the rulers there is a price each of them is worth paying, but in the end they are all expendable.
Darker thoughts are an unwanted intrusion and eclipse rationality with a cold doubt. It’s difficult to allow the thought that the village’s actions are possibly motivated by anything other than the consideration for the welfare of the people. The prejudice and ignorant hatred contained in sideways glances cut from the corners of eyes, the apprehension that hung in the air and made it flat and prohibitive.Having always been on the margins of society even in within the ninja sphere, there had been meted out a grudging tolerance by those around her. By some, she had even gained more than just a neutral regard beyond the respect for her skills. Nevertheless, there had always been the undercurrent of exclusion, the unstated fact of her difference, of being ‘other’. All the pain and struggle that she had to go through, the lengths to which she had gone to serve the village, to have that fall away in the end cut her deeper than any sword ever would. At the receiving end of all the slights and neglect, subjected to inhumane treatment not because she could handle it but was able to survive it by virtue or vice of her super-human capacity. The potential for the ill will not to be born from her uncanny or unsettling existence as a jinchūriki was a bewildering and unwelcome thought.
At least with Hidan and Kakuzu they are honest in that respect. They don’t pretend or hide behind the false pretense of having motives aside from self promotion. They are survivors, for whatever purpose, apparent or obscure- certainly there is a lot of history there that she isn’t privy to, the madness behind the method, so to speak. Rarely is it the case that someone arrives at such a point without first having gone through the fire.
Leaving the village wasn’t something she wanted to do, but neither was there enough there anymore to make her stay. Taking the company of criminals - that sounded far too condemning, like any of the epithets hurled at her- isn’t one of the things she planned on either, but she found the meandering wandering lifestyle far less burdensome, surprisingly, in the way she had never considered what a life like that would be.
The ties of loyalty and duty were loosened, and not on her part were they released. The village had set her free with a dispensation justified with whatever reasons they had for cutting their losses. The conclusion that if she was unattainable, that anything else she had to give was out of reach, they would forfeit and let her fall to the wayside. If her service to them was no longer expected or accepted, what choice was left? Certainly she could refuse to take up arms against her fellow or, rather former, countrymen and not actively harm them. Her word still held true even if their hand was left unextended.
***
A/N: I've been working on this for a while- editing is always difficult, trying to shape the ideas into a story that conveys the meaning I am aiming for, having to try multiple times because, hey, I don't know anyone who can churn out a ready to publish piece on the first go. This still doesn't please me entirely, but I've gotten it to a point where I don't know how else to adjust it, so here it is. It feels a lot like an essay, and less like an engaging story which kinda disappoints b/c I like the characters so much. BTW, the title is also utter crap, but I couldn't just leave it untitled and call it drabble #x could I?