Worlds Apart 58b
Gorlyn followed his master to his quarters. The candles in the hallways were still lit so there was no reason for him to lead his master carrying a candelabra. His emotions kept flip flopping on him. They went back and forth between fear and excitement. Gorlyn knew what had to be coming next. They were going to be alone in his master’s quarters it would be the perfect time and place to have a ‘talk’ about what happened.
There were two different way that ‘talking’ about his behavior went. One way was for his master to do the ‘talking’ which would really be a lecture. With his trainer lectures has been just as painful as beatings only instead of making you hurt outside they made you hurt inside. Of course they could also hurt outside as well, many a lecture had it’s finer points accentuated with something striking a part of Gorlyn’s body.
The second way was for Gorlyn to do the ‘talking’ which was really reciting what he had done wrong and a lot of grovelling. Gorlyn hated this way the most. Having to speak out your evil deeds made them feel even more shaming.
Now facing these two prospects with his master felt different. If his master did the ‘talking’ it couldn’t possibly be unpleasant. In fact he thought it would be damn near heavenly. Listening to his master’s voice, was liking listening to the sweetest music. Even when his master was stern or authoritative it sounded pleasant and strong. He had yet to see his master truly angry but he imagined even that would sound beautiful. Gorlyn really hoped that it would be this kind of ‘talk’.
The second kind scared him. Knowing his shameful behavior had caused even the smallest of strife to his master felt like a stab from a knife. Gorlyn felt he would rather be pinched with hot pokers then do anything to disappoint his master.
Then there was the insane spark of hope. It was entirely possible his master had forgotten they would have a ‘talk’ later. Gorlyn silently cursed that spark into every religion that held damnation. The spark always lied there was never hope but it came every time and he almost believed it every time.
His inner musings had made him lose track of where he was going and he barely caught himself before he ran head first into his master’s back. His training with Johar kicked in and he moved ahead of his master to open the door.
No light came through the opening and so Gorlyn grabbed the nearest candle and entered. He used the limited light of the candle to find his way to the candelabra in his master’s room and lit it. From there he moved about the room lighting the various fixtures, until there was enough light. His master made his way toward the nearest chair and sat down, rubbing his arms a few times as he did so. It made Gorlyn aware of how cold it was in the room.
It startled Gorlyn that he didn’t notice the cold sooner. He was always shivering when the weather turned cold. Of course he had always been naked save for an occasional permission to wear a loin cloth. The uniform Johar had given him kept him from feeling any cold at all. As he made his way to the fireplace he wondered if perhaps his clothing was warmer than his masters. Of course that thought was ridiculous, it was a servant’s uniform who would dress their servants in warmer clothing than themselves?
Putting his thoughts away Gorlyn found a few warm embers in the fireplace and coaxed them into a fire. Having completed his task Gorlyn stood and faced his master with his hands clasped behind his back. This was the stance a valet was supposed to take while waiting his master’s orders.
His master didn’t speak he just pointed to the floor in front of him. In their last talk his master reminded him that he was both a valet and a slave. This was a test, he had performed all his valet duties and now his master wanted him in front of him. Valets did not stand in front of their lords, they stood to the side or directly behind them. But a slave knelt at his master’s feet.
Gorlyn ran the distance between him and his master and fell prostrate in front of his feet.
“Are you comfortable?” His master asked. The words sounded sweet but the question was a dangerous one and Gorlyn couldn’t help the fear the welled up in him.
“If my master wishes I can hold this position indefinitely.” Gorlyn answered .
His master sighed and then muttered to himself. “One at a time.” His master then cleared his throat and by the rustling sound adjusted his sitting position. “Gorlyn, you remember our previous conversation? The one before I dressed for dinner?”
“Yes, master.” Gorlyn answered, grateful for an easy question.
“Good. Now think back on the events we were discussing. You remember the last thing I asked was if you heard me say you did a wonderful job and you said......?”
“I heard you master.” Gorlyn had already ran the conversation through his mind and easily recited his response.
“Did you believe me?” His master asked. “When I said you did a wonderful job?”
Gorlyn’s mind reeled so hard he nearly passed out. How did he answer that without either lying or calling his master a liar. The truth was deep down he didn’t believe his master because he didn’t believe he was capable of anything that should receive praise. It was much easier to believe that what he had done was accurately done but not appropriately done. Yes, he had done a proper job of dressing Oriel-ashe but he had dressed him in the wrong style.
“I still created a problem for you. Oriel-ashe had to wait longer for dinner while you changed because I dressed him incorrectly and Finne-ashe had to delay his cooking, and you had to change when you didn’t want to because of me.” Gorlyn couldn’t answer the question all he could do was explain his failure again and hope his master would accept that Gorlyn knew his failings and finally just punish him.
“Gorlyn look at me.” His master ordered.
Gorlyn obeyed. As ordered he looked at his master but avoided direct eye contact. Since it was an order “to look” he took advantage and briefly studied his master’s face, looking for clues to his master’s emotional state. He did not find signs of anger on his master’s face which surprised him. Instead his master looked serious and focused.
“When I voiced the problem, what was Oriel’s response? Do you remember?” His master asked.
It took Gorlyn a few minutes to recall the conversation but he did. “Yes master, he offered to change clothing.” Gorlyn answered.
“That is correct. Did I accept his offer?” His master asked.
“No master.” Gorlyn answered.
“If I did not want to come back to my room and change, or if I was concerned about Oriel or Finne having to wait, why would I not take Oriel up on his offer?” His master asked.
Gorlyn took his time thinking of his answer. The only logical answer would be that his master didn’t care about Oriel-ashe or Finnie-ashe having to wait. But that did not make any sense for he knew beyond all doubt that his master did care. Johar-ashe had often mentioned how disappointing it was that his master catered to the welfare of his servants. He even mentioned Finne-ashe and Oriel-ashe’s names. He could think of no reason why his master would not take the offer and that was his answer.
“I think master, if you did not want to change or if you were concerned you would have taken Oriel-ashe’s offer.” Gorlyn answered slowly. “Or you could have ordered him to change because he is your servant as well as your guest.”
“Yes I could have done that as well. So logically if I refused his offer then I must not have been concerned with either changing my clothes or Oriel and Finne waiting. Does that sound logical to you?” His master asked.
“Yes, master.” It really did make perfect logical sense to Gorlyn.
“Then if I was not concerned about these things, why were you?” His master asked the hardest question yet.
“I...it....you said it was a problem and it was a problem I caused, master.” Gorlyn couldn’t bring himself to also admit that it made him fear punishment.
“Obviously it was not a problem. So why do you think I told Oriel it was?” His master asked.
Gorlyn felt the world spin around him and almost fell on his face in fear. Was he being forced to call his master a liar? His kaspern warned him of the pain that would come for even considering it and Gorlyn dropped the thought like a hot poker. “I don’t know master.” He answered praying he wasn’t pressed further.
“I was teasing him, Gorlyn.” His master answered his own question. Gorlyn couldn’t stop the confusion that formed on his face. His master misinterpreted it. “Do you know what teasing means?”
“I know the definition of the word, master.” Gorlyn answered, speaking his thoughts out loud.
“But, you have never been teased?” His master asked.
Thinking for a moment Gorlyn could not remember being teased. Leisa used to tease him sexually but he did not think that is what his master meant. He shut that thought down before memories could stir. “No, master not that I remember” he answered.
“Have you ever witnessed teasing?” His master asked.
Gorlyn had to think on that. The closest he could come to what he thought his master was describing was....”The guards....in prison.....my first year. They teased each other.”
“Was it the same as what I did with Oriel?” His master asked.
“No, master.” Gorlyn tried hard to focus his memory on how the guards interacted with each other instead of what they did to him.
“So this was new for you.” His master stated. “I apologize Gorlyn. I should have included you in my teasing of Oriel so that you would understand it better. I promise I will do so in the future.”
It was hard to wrap his head around the fact his master was taking the blame for Gorlyn’s misinterpretation. Stranger still was the promise to include him in his obviously friendly interactions with Oriel-ashe. Tugging at the corners of his mind was the idea that his master wanted to include him as one of his friends. It was a path of thought Gorlyn refused to go down. If it were true he would have to find a way to discourage his master from it. No good could come from being friends with his master.
“One more thing we should address.” His master’s words interrupted his thoughts and Gorlyn pulled his focus back on his master. “If you make a mistake or do something in a way different then what I expected, we will talk about it. I will ask you why you did and we will talk through it like we just did to see if there was a misunderstanding. If there was a misunderstanding I will clear it up so that you understand it better in the future. If you simply made a mistake then I will simply tell you the correct way to do it and expect you do it that way in the future. I will not punish you for not knowing what to do. If the need to punish you arises I will tell you immediately. I will never make you ask for punishment. Do you understand?”
“Yes, master.” Gorlyn answered. His heart fell as the constant pain coming from his kaspern increased slightly. It would see him punished when his master failed.
“Good.” His master patted his shoulder and Gorlyn looked up to see a smile on his master face. It made the pain more bearable somehow. “Now for my schedule tomorrow. I do not know if Johar gave you anything for me tomorrow but whatever it is I do not care. I will be setting my own schedule from now on. There will be things about the house that you will need to remind me of and Oriel will keep me up to date about official business but I will set things on my own. Are we clear?”
“Yes, master.” Gorlyn responded with genuine eagerness. He had dreaded that he would have to tell his master what to do every day as Johar had done.
“I know I am putting you in a difficult position by filling a servant's role as a slave. I am also extremely confident that you can do it and I am going to make it as easy as possible.” His master’s voice took on that soothing tone it did when explaining things and Gorlyn felt himself visibly relax. “You will not be taking on everything Johar did. He was, I have recently found out, greatly overstepping his bounds. You will not be in charge of anyone in this household. I have made this clear to my staff as well. They may come to you and tell you something that needs my attention, while I am gone. You will write it in the journal Johar kept and when I come home you will advise me of everything in there.”
Gorlyn nearly wept when he heard it. He knew Johar had control over the servants of the house except for the kitchen staff and the maids and Gorlyn did not want to even think about being above them.
“While you are not above any of the servants here you are also in a way not beneath them. They have no authority to order you around. You will obey me and me alone. I will tell you in the morning what I expect of you during the day and you will do nothing else. Your duties will be confined to my quarters and my office. Once I have a housekeeper and the house gets settled I am going to have the maids teach you how I prefer my rooms kept and you will be in charge of it. You will also be in charge of my personal and social correspondence which I will have Oriel help you with until you feel comfortable doing it on your own. As both my valet and my slave your duty is to make my life easier it is not to cater to the whims of my staff or to any guests I might have. Do you understand?”
“Yes, master.” Gorlyn ducked his head to hide his blinking back tears. It was what he had been trained to do. It was the only life he had pictured for himself. He never expected he would leave his master or mistress’ bedroom unless ordered to fetch something. His greatest fear in following Johar-ashe’s example was taken from him in an instant.
“Look at me and tell me you understand.” His master ordered.
“I understand, master.” Gorlyn responded looking up at his master. He could feel the man’s searching gaze on his face.
“Good.” His master sounded satisfied. “Your mornings are your own. I do not want to know what unholy hour Johar had you up at, but as long as you are clean and dressed in time to wake me in the morning you can sleep in as late as you need. I will start having breakfast in my rooms, I need you to have already eaten or you may eat after I leave, you will choose this since you are more in tune with when your body will need sustenance then I am. While I break my fast we will discuss my schedule for the day and what I expect you to do. Do you have any questions?”
Carefully Gorlyn thought through and decided that he did not. “No master.”
“If you do have questions and I am not here, remember that an answer is only a thought away. If you are afraid of disturbing me, then ask Oriel, he will know if I should be disturbed or not. Now if you do not have any more questions I am desperately ready to sleep. Go lay out something for me to sleep in and I will join you in a few moments. I would like to sit in silence for a small time.”
Feeling guilty that his master had to stay up to talk with him, Gorlyn quickly rose and ran into his master’s bedroom. He laid out the clothing as ordered and then move to the fireplace in the bedroom and started up a fire there as well.