(no subject)
So on Tuesday (I think?) I posted Chapter 8 of the Founders fic on Tamarind Chutney (LJ), FanFiction.Net, the Archive of Our Own, and Skyhawke.
I think this was the last chapter I posted before I stopped posting/writing it for a while and then decided to revise years later, although I didn't stop writing it for a while, I don't think. The chapters I've written since are better, I think, and in the final revision, once I've completed the fic, I expect to remove at least a chapter's worth of material.
Anyway, that plus this chapter -- which is mostly about the characters' pasts and what went wrong and what, miraculously, didn't -- made me think about where I was when I started writing this fic. I came up with the characters (roughly) in middle school, actually, although they've changed drastically since then, and thematically it's really such a high-school-me story. It's full of insecurity and ego, and ego covering up insecurity, and in some cases insecurity covering up ego. Body issues and self-loathing are a big deal -- which perplexes me a bit, since I didn't notice that until I dealt with my own Fat Shame -- and the six main characters are (each in their own way) clinging frantically to academic interests because the world around them is so incredibly hostile and they want to be in a place where people aren't like that. And I'm really glad that I'm no longer in the severe Godricky stages of self-loathing, because that stuff is exhausting to deal with, and more interesting to write now that I'm not quite in the middle of it.
And now for some music:
"The Mountain," Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer
I was born in a forked-tongued story / Raised up by merchants and drugstore liars. / Now I walk on the paths of glory / One foot in ice, one in fire.
This is for Godric, and his "wait, how did I even get here? I started way over there!" moments. Sometimes you just do things and stuff happens, and suddenly people think you're, like, a real person with a brain or something.
"Compute," Soulwax
Every time this happens, / Some representative of instinct / Slips you his business card and leaves you / To figure out what it means.
This is for Helga, who, in this chapter, has spotted a hole in her assumptions about her and her friends' lives, and is having trouble not picking at it, even though it itches like crazy.
"The Return to Oz," Scissors Sisters
Please help me, friend, from coming down / I've lost my place and now it can't be found. / Is this the return to Oz? / The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws.
I think of this as a Salazar song, but it could really apply to a lot of the characters, especially in this chapter, which is about being an adult and remembering being a kid, and wondering what even happened back then, anyway, because the way you remember it is almost certainly not how it was.
I think this was the last chapter I posted before I stopped posting/writing it for a while and then decided to revise years later, although I didn't stop writing it for a while, I don't think. The chapters I've written since are better, I think, and in the final revision, once I've completed the fic, I expect to remove at least a chapter's worth of material.
Anyway, that plus this chapter -- which is mostly about the characters' pasts and what went wrong and what, miraculously, didn't -- made me think about where I was when I started writing this fic. I came up with the characters (roughly) in middle school, actually, although they've changed drastically since then, and thematically it's really such a high-school-me story. It's full of insecurity and ego, and ego covering up insecurity, and in some cases insecurity covering up ego. Body issues and self-loathing are a big deal -- which perplexes me a bit, since I didn't notice that until I dealt with my own Fat Shame -- and the six main characters are (each in their own way) clinging frantically to academic interests because the world around them is so incredibly hostile and they want to be in a place where people aren't like that. And I'm really glad that I'm no longer in the severe Godricky stages of self-loathing, because that stuff is exhausting to deal with, and more interesting to write now that I'm not quite in the middle of it.
And now for some music:
"The Mountain," Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer
I was born in a forked-tongued story / Raised up by merchants and drugstore liars. / Now I walk on the paths of glory / One foot in ice, one in fire.
This is for Godric, and his "wait, how did I even get here? I started way over there!" moments. Sometimes you just do things and stuff happens, and suddenly people think you're, like, a real person with a brain or something.
"Compute," Soulwax
Every time this happens, / Some representative of instinct / Slips you his business card and leaves you / To figure out what it means.
This is for Helga, who, in this chapter, has spotted a hole in her assumptions about her and her friends' lives, and is having trouble not picking at it, even though it itches like crazy.
"The Return to Oz," Scissors Sisters
Please help me, friend, from coming down / I've lost my place and now it can't be found. / Is this the return to Oz? / The grass is dead, the gold is brown and the sky has claws.
I think of this as a Salazar song, but it could really apply to a lot of the characters, especially in this chapter, which is about being an adult and remembering being a kid, and wondering what even happened back then, anyway, because the way you remember it is almost certainly not how it was.