Father To Son
I finally got around to talking to that son of mine. I think it went rather well. And through it all... I really am proud of you Shikamaru.
Shikamaru walked into the house after his long day at school. He dropped his keys on the dining room table and made his way to the stiars. That was until he saw his old man standing his path.
"Shikamaru, we need to talk..." Shikaku actually looked a bit sad when he said his words. Probably the first time he ever actually looked concerned for his son.
He shoved his way passed him and went into his room. "About what?" he said shortly.
He quickly grabbed the back of his son's collar. "Don't walk away from me... you know what Shikamaru..."
"Since when have you given a damn?" he said trying to release himself from his grip.
"Since when did you become an idiot?" He turned and tossed Shikamaru a bit up the stairs taking the boy into his room.
"What the hell?" he said turning looking at his father confused. "You shut yourself up and drink all day, now all of a sudden you decide you have a decision?"
"Sit down." He pointed at Shikamaru's bed sternly.
"Hmph" he said begrudgingly sitting on the bed.
"What's going on with you?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "I heard you got in a fight with Chouji. I heard you felt up on Ino. What the hell?"
"I was drunk. Much like you!" he shot at him.
Shikaku appeared unphased. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"Doing what? Picking up in my father's footsteps. You should be proud old man" he said crossing his arms and averting his eyes away.
Shikaku coldly took his fists and thunked it on top of Shikamarus head. "You're stupid if you think that."
Shikamaru rubbed the top of his head. "So that's why you're here old man? To tell me how stupid I am...."
"That's one reason, the other is because I want you to talk to me."
"What do I need to tell you that you apparently already know?"
"See? This is the problem. I don't know Shikamaru. I really don't." He shook his head in frustration. "You don't talk to me and all I hear are rumors. I'd rather hear it from my own son's mouth."
"What do you want to know? I fucking showed up at the party drunk. Yes I felt up Ino. Yes I think I even attempted to kiss her. This landed me a fist to my face from the tank with one hell of a punch. One that knocked me off my ass. Not to mention my best friend has a crush on me. Did you know that. Do you know how much that freaks me out? Do you know I don't fucking care because I want my friends back. Did I leave anything out?" he said fastly.
Shikaku stood not saying anything. He was sure this was just the beginning of Shikamaru's rant.
"Yes....I am an idiot...." he said hanging his head. "I lost my head. I lost my nerve. I am a coward. I couldn't hold onto the one thing I wanted and I let it walk away...because I couldn't see how much of an ass I had become. I pushed away everything because I felt like a jerk...." he said just as fast. "Translation....I fucked up."
"That's one way to put it." Shikaku stood over Shikamaru. His face seemed hard and cold but his eyes showed that he actually was worried about his son. "I thought I had raised a genius... I guess I was wrong."
He laughed. "Fuck dad..." he said with his eyes turned away, his eyes just barely glazed with tears....
"Shikamaru... I had high hopes in you. I hoped you wouldn't turn out like me. I thought you would finish high school as valedictorian. I thought you would go to a university, make the dean's list every year. I thought you would marry and have a family..." Shikaku walked over and placed his hands on Shikamaru's shoulders. "I thought you wouldn't become me." "I guess I was wrong," he said as he hung his head.
His head hung lower, keeping his eyes away, briming with tears. He clenched his jaw together, and his voice broke as he spoke. "Where were you dad?" he said quietly.
Shikaku sighed. He knew it would come to this. "I wasn't where I should've been..." He sat down next to Shikamaru and put his arm around him. "I ran away.... much like you're doing now..." With his other hand he reached up and pinched his brow. "Please stop now while you can, Shikamaru. You're still young and the future is still changeable...." "Don't become the next Shikaku..."
"I fucked it up....the result I've lost my best friends. I lost the only girl I'd ever want..." he said still keeping his gaze away from his father. Men didn't cry. That's what the old man had always said.
"Shikamaru!" He yelled as he shook the boy. "Stop this now! It's not over!"
"It sure as hell feels like it...."
"Give it a few days, prove to them that you are sorry... get rid of this pride." Shikaku put his hand on Shikamaru's chest. "Pride is the killer of man."
"I thought it was women?" he said half jokingly.
Shikaku chuckled. "Them too.."
"She doesn't want me anymore...."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Let's see....what does screwing another guy say to you?"
"She's hungrying for the love she lost... so she looks for in another guy. I bet she's not enjoying."
He rolled his eyes, "Hmph..." "So what does that tell me....not much I can do about it now is there?" "I can't go back to the way things were. It's awkward and strange. How can I be friends with someone I....love...." he suddenly realized how much of that statement must be how Chouji felt. It was starting to come together.
Shikaku sat and watched his son in silence.
"Shit this is messed up..." he finally said, his mind still thinking.
"That it is..."
"How do you do something like that? How do you....continue....you can't go back...." he said trying to plan and figure it out. The analyzing was giving him a headache.
"You just do it, son. You just do it. You look forward and wipe the slate clean. It's really hard but it's the only way. If you keep dwelling on the past it will eat you alive."
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really loved her dad...." he said quietly.
"I know you did son... I'm really sorry... I should have been there for you."
"I just....wasn't enough...."
He didn't know what to say. He just put his arms around his song and hugged him tightly.
"I actually missed you you old fart..." he said his voice still shakey and small.
"Oh?" Shikaku smiled. "I think I missed you too Bambi."
His head lifted and his eyes glared at him. "I hate you for that."
"That's ok. Cause I love you."
"Feh" he said turning his nose up.
Shikaku gently hit his son in theback. "Okay hard ass."
Shikamaru got up off the bed. As he stood, the papers laying on it fell to the floor.
Shikaku picked up the papers. "What's this?"
"I don't know trees that got turned into thin white sheets?" he said sarcastically.
"A scholarship?" Shikaku looked up with a raised brow.
"Oh you haven't heard that among all the other rumers?"
"No I have't actually... care to share?"
He grumbled sitting down in the computer chair, accross from his father. "Those blasted placement tests. Apparently it impressed the University."
"You should go, it'll be a start to improveing your life."
He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were against it before?"
"Well, it looks like you need it now. And I've never been against you going to a university. Just you going to a university for the wrong reasons. You should go to better your education. Not hook up with chicks."
He grumbled narrowing his eyes as he placed his feet up on the computer table counter. He rolled the chair a bit and looked out the window. "I suppose I should go...." he said quietly.
"I suppose you should to," said Shikaku as he stood from the bed. He walked over to Shikamaru and ruffled his hair. "And this," he held the paper in front of the boy. "This makes me proud."
Still looking out the window his mouth curled up slightly at the corner. "Thanks....you old goat..." he said softly.
--Shikaku
Shikamaru walked into the house after his long day at school. He dropped his keys on the dining room table and made his way to the stiars. That was until he saw his old man standing his path.
"Shikamaru, we need to talk..." Shikaku actually looked a bit sad when he said his words. Probably the first time he ever actually looked concerned for his son.
He shoved his way passed him and went into his room. "About what?" he said shortly.
He quickly grabbed the back of his son's collar. "Don't walk away from me... you know what Shikamaru..."
"Since when have you given a damn?" he said trying to release himself from his grip.
"Since when did you become an idiot?" He turned and tossed Shikamaru a bit up the stairs taking the boy into his room.
"What the hell?" he said turning looking at his father confused. "You shut yourself up and drink all day, now all of a sudden you decide you have a decision?"
"Sit down." He pointed at Shikamaru's bed sternly.
"Hmph" he said begrudgingly sitting on the bed.
"What's going on with you?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "I heard you got in a fight with Chouji. I heard you felt up on Ino. What the hell?"
"I was drunk. Much like you!" he shot at him.
Shikaku appeared unphased. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
"Doing what? Picking up in my father's footsteps. You should be proud old man" he said crossing his arms and averting his eyes away.
Shikaku coldly took his fists and thunked it on top of Shikamarus head. "You're stupid if you think that."
Shikamaru rubbed the top of his head. "So that's why you're here old man? To tell me how stupid I am...."
"That's one reason, the other is because I want you to talk to me."
"What do I need to tell you that you apparently already know?"
"See? This is the problem. I don't know Shikamaru. I really don't." He shook his head in frustration. "You don't talk to me and all I hear are rumors. I'd rather hear it from my own son's mouth."
"What do you want to know? I fucking showed up at the party drunk. Yes I felt up Ino. Yes I think I even attempted to kiss her. This landed me a fist to my face from the tank with one hell of a punch. One that knocked me off my ass. Not to mention my best friend has a crush on me. Did you know that. Do you know how much that freaks me out? Do you know I don't fucking care because I want my friends back. Did I leave anything out?" he said fastly.
Shikaku stood not saying anything. He was sure this was just the beginning of Shikamaru's rant.
"Yes....I am an idiot...." he said hanging his head. "I lost my head. I lost my nerve. I am a coward. I couldn't hold onto the one thing I wanted and I let it walk away...because I couldn't see how much of an ass I had become. I pushed away everything because I felt like a jerk...." he said just as fast. "Translation....I fucked up."
"That's one way to put it." Shikaku stood over Shikamaru. His face seemed hard and cold but his eyes showed that he actually was worried about his son. "I thought I had raised a genius... I guess I was wrong."
He laughed. "Fuck dad..." he said with his eyes turned away, his eyes just barely glazed with tears....
"Shikamaru... I had high hopes in you. I hoped you wouldn't turn out like me. I thought you would finish high school as valedictorian. I thought you would go to a university, make the dean's list every year. I thought you would marry and have a family..." Shikaku walked over and placed his hands on Shikamaru's shoulders. "I thought you wouldn't become me." "I guess I was wrong," he said as he hung his head.
His head hung lower, keeping his eyes away, briming with tears. He clenched his jaw together, and his voice broke as he spoke. "Where were you dad?" he said quietly.
Shikaku sighed. He knew it would come to this. "I wasn't where I should've been..." He sat down next to Shikamaru and put his arm around him. "I ran away.... much like you're doing now..." With his other hand he reached up and pinched his brow. "Please stop now while you can, Shikamaru. You're still young and the future is still changeable...." "Don't become the next Shikaku..."
"I fucked it up....the result I've lost my best friends. I lost the only girl I'd ever want..." he said still keeping his gaze away from his father. Men didn't cry. That's what the old man had always said.
"Shikamaru!" He yelled as he shook the boy. "Stop this now! It's not over!"
"It sure as hell feels like it...."
"Give it a few days, prove to them that you are sorry... get rid of this pride." Shikaku put his hand on Shikamaru's chest. "Pride is the killer of man."
"I thought it was women?" he said half jokingly.
Shikaku chuckled. "Them too.."
"She doesn't want me anymore...."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Let's see....what does screwing another guy say to you?"
"She's hungrying for the love she lost... so she looks for in another guy. I bet she's not enjoying."
He rolled his eyes, "Hmph..." "So what does that tell me....not much I can do about it now is there?" "I can't go back to the way things were. It's awkward and strange. How can I be friends with someone I....love...." he suddenly realized how much of that statement must be how Chouji felt. It was starting to come together.
Shikaku sat and watched his son in silence.
"Shit this is messed up..." he finally said, his mind still thinking.
"That it is..."
"How do you do something like that? How do you....continue....you can't go back...." he said trying to plan and figure it out. The analyzing was giving him a headache.
"You just do it, son. You just do it. You look forward and wipe the slate clean. It's really hard but it's the only way. If you keep dwelling on the past it will eat you alive."
Shikamaru pinched the bridge of his nose. "I really loved her dad...." he said quietly.
"I know you did son... I'm really sorry... I should have been there for you."
"I just....wasn't enough...."
He didn't know what to say. He just put his arms around his song and hugged him tightly.
"I actually missed you you old fart..." he said his voice still shakey and small.
"Oh?" Shikaku smiled. "I think I missed you too Bambi."
His head lifted and his eyes glared at him. "I hate you for that."
"That's ok. Cause I love you."
"Feh" he said turning his nose up.
Shikaku gently hit his son in theback. "Okay hard ass."
Shikamaru got up off the bed. As he stood, the papers laying on it fell to the floor.
Shikaku picked up the papers. "What's this?"
"I don't know trees that got turned into thin white sheets?" he said sarcastically.
"A scholarship?" Shikaku looked up with a raised brow.
"Oh you haven't heard that among all the other rumers?"
"No I have't actually... care to share?"
He grumbled sitting down in the computer chair, accross from his father. "Those blasted placement tests. Apparently it impressed the University."
"You should go, it'll be a start to improveing your life."
He raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were against it before?"
"Well, it looks like you need it now. And I've never been against you going to a university. Just you going to a university for the wrong reasons. You should go to better your education. Not hook up with chicks."
He grumbled narrowing his eyes as he placed his feet up on the computer table counter. He rolled the chair a bit and looked out the window. "I suppose I should go...." he said quietly.
"I suppose you should to," said Shikaku as he stood from the bed. He walked over to Shikamaru and ruffled his hair. "And this," he held the paper in front of the boy. "This makes me proud."
Still looking out the window his mouth curled up slightly at the corner. "Thanks....you old goat..." he said softly.
--Shikaku