Envious of nothing and of everything...

[kaichou]

I've found myself... feeling quite introspective tonight. I've begun thinking about where I am, what I've got and how I've got here... and wondered what I've missed to reach that conclusion. I've had some time tonight, since Abby's asleep and, I'm not quite ready for bed, so I thought I'd think about it, talk about it and write it down a little

Comments

[charmingdetails]

I'm totally feeling envious of others right now, so I feel you on this. And I know it'll pass, and there are a lot of good things in my life to celebrate too-- but like you said, it's natural to feel that way sometimes. You sound like you're working through it well.

While I don't know the details of what you're feeling envious about, it sounds like you're mostly craving experiences. I will say that a LOT of flexibility comes back once your child gets a little older. When Simon and Lucy were tiny, I couldn't do anything for myself, I couldn't think about pursuing professional goals or personal interests. But now I'm serving on professional committees and taking ballet classes. It really does come back.

Anyway. I'm glad you posted.

[kaichou]

Thanks, Alli... honestly, it helps so much to hear someone say "I feel you on this". Like you said, it'll pass...

I'm glad you say that it does come back, cause honestly, ya end up feeling VERY tied down, and that's... tiring, to say the least. I'm looking forward to that, for sure. We'll see how things go - you did hit it on the head with most of it... that alot of it is experiences that I end up missing. I guess that kinda is what got the ball rolling of sorts... and it got to the point where I started thinking about all the decisions I made in the past, ya know? And with each decision, there's always... the path not taken, which you can't help but look at and wonder what it'd be like. Combine that with feeling increasingly... tied down, so to speak, and the grass starts to look really green. *lol* But, thankfully, it's only a passing thing. I'm very happy with life right now, overall... and it's good to know that, as time goes on, things do get better... :)

[kuzu_no_ha]

Maybe other people look exciting to you, but you also get to do a lot of things others don't. Which might seem exciting to them. You go on vacations for example!
You've been on cruises, where as I have not. That's pretty cool :-)

But holy crap do babies change EVERYTHING. Not bad, but different. Very different.

[kaichou]

Thanks very much Zohra - naw, you're utterly right. It's just... sometimes on those down and dreary times, no matter how much others tell you, your cool things don't seem so cool! But it's just perspective - I'd be lying if I said my life isn't full of very good things I should be happy about... and I am. It sometimes just takes someone, like you, to remind me of that :)

And yes, they really do change everything. For the better, if ya ask me, but... still... it's a big, big change.. :)

[cosplayfiend]

I love how you worded your post. I think everyone has feelings like that but not everyone is willing to discuss it or admit it. Nicely put. ^-^

[kaichou]

Thank you so much, Jen. I appreciate the compliment. Yeah, I'm sure we all feel this way at times - it's almost natural, ya know? It's difficult not to see others, even friends, have things that you feel envious of. But really, ya just need to remind yourself, "Hey, I've got alot going for me too!" and realize that others are looking at you the same way you're looking at them. :) It's natural... and for me, the best way to handle it is to just.. vent about it a little :)