Arashi: Kaibutsu-kun, Phone Straps, and a Blue Knitted Cat
AUTHOR: Marineko/mylittlecthulhu
FANDOM: Arashi
PAIRING: Juntoshi
RATING: PG
DATE: November 27th, 2011
WORD COUNT: 5,572
NOTES/DISCLAIMERS: 1. This is a work of FICTION, 2. Beta-ed by arashic0804, 3. Using the prompt "So I Have a Stuffed Animal" from rainbowfilling, and 4. special thanks to sesquerdo - hope you like it!
Kaibutsu-kun, Phone Straps, and a Blue Knitted Cat
It’s like it happens in slow motion - Jun, in an awkward move, reaches for his bag quickly and misses. It falls, spilling its contents on the floor. It seems to take forever for the bag to fall, for his things to drop, one by one, over the fluffy green carpet Aiba likes so much. The first thing he thinks is, thank god no one else is around. The second thing he thinks is, I have to clean this up, quick.
Before he even bends over to pick up the thing nearest to him - a notebook - the door to the greenroom opens, and he freezes. “It’s not mine!” he says, instinctively, loudly.
Ohno pauses. “What isn’t?”
“Uh. Nothing,” Jun amends. “I was just startled, and my bag dropped. That’s all.”
Ohno looks down at the mess by Jun’s feet, and nods. “I’ll help.”
“No, that’s fi-” he starts to say, shoving the book in his bag and looking around frantically to see where it has gone to, but it’s already in Ohno’s hands.
‘It’ being a stuffed, frayed, knitted red cat, one arm slightly longer than the other, a lop-sided, embroidered mouth, and eyes made of big round buttons.
“What’s this?” Ohno asks, and it only takes one look at Jun’s horrified face for him to understand. He laughs, and Jun looks down, hurrying to pick up the rest of his things and throwing them back in his bag, trying not to look embarrassed.
At least it’s Riida, he thinks. Nino or Aiba would never let me live this down. Sho would probably not say anything, but he was too mortified to even consider the idea of Sho discovering his… cat.
“It’s for my cousin’s kid, okay?” he says, voice rising defensively. “There’s a birthday, and - well. My sister taught me to knit when we were younger, so I thought it wouldn’t be hard to make one. Obviously, I was wrong.”
“No, it’s cute,” Ohno tells him, passing him the stuffed cat. “And Jun-kun carrying around a stuffed cat is really cute.”
“Breathe one word of this to the others,” Jun threatens, but it has no effect on Ohno whatsoever. Jun pauses, trying to think of something that Ohno would take seriously to end his sentence, but couldn’t.
})i({
“Here,” Ohno says. Jun doesn’t even know that Ohno was talking to him until he sees the hand before him, placing a small object on the book he was reading. He picks it up.
It’s a small figure, much like the ones Ohno once exhibited, except that this one doesn’t look like them at all. It’s delicate and pretty, and upon closer inspection Jun realizes that it’s a figure of the character he played when he did that cameo for Kaibutsu-kun.
He looks at Ohno, startled.
“For your cousin’s kid,” Ohno says. “It’s her birthday, right?”
“You didn’t have to make anything,” he mumbles, looking back down on the figure, and he tries to think of a way to get out of this. He feels Nino staring at his back, and he straightens up, trying to look aloof.
It’s Aiba who says it, though. There’s no doubt Nino has told him. Jun is actually pretty secretive about his family, and though he has given away bits of information here and there to the other members, none of them knew everything.
“Jun only has one cousin, and she doesn’t have kids,” Aiba offers helpfully. “You must be thinking of someone else, Riida.”
There’s silence as Ohno turns to him, and he keeps his gaze on the figure. Ohno must be mad at him for lying, he thinks. Especially when Ohno had worked so hard on the figure. “I must be,” Ohno murmurs, and his voice freezes Jun for a moment, because Ohno doesn’t sound angry, Ohno just sounds amused, and for some reason that unsettles him even more. “Keep it, then, Jun-kun. It’ll be my token of love to you.”
He snorts at the second sentence, knowing it’s just Ohno being Ohno. He waits, and sure enough, Nino and Aiba are reacting the way they’re supposed to - Nino asking if Ohno didn’t love him, and Aiba teasing. Sho, alone, looks at Jun, and Jun looks back, impassive.
Sho gives him a half-smile, a ‘friend’ smile, and he smiles again in return, taking care that it’s not too wide and doesn’t reveal too much - or anything, at all. He shrugs, as if to say, what can I do about these people?, indicating the other three, and Sho laughs, before calling for order.
As he drops the figure into the pocket of the coat he has yet to take off, he notices that Ohno had been looking at him, too. He just mouths a thank you, thinking of the figure, and a sorry, thinking about the lie.
He thinks of the red knitted cat still stuffed into a corner of his bag, and he thinks that it’s been more than a decade, and it’s probably about time that he stops carrying it around.
})i({
“Can I see it?” Ohno asks. It’s almost a month after, and he doesn’t know what Ohno is talking about at first.
“I don’t have it anymore,” he tells Ohno, once he realizes. “Sorry for not telling you the truth.”
“It’s a pity, then.” Ohno sits next to him, a little too close, and he shifts away. “It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it? You don’t throw something like that away.”
He hadn’t thought that Ohno would understand, and is surprised that Ohno knows more than he lets on. “It’s nothing,” he says. “Just a - scab, or something. Or a bandage for a wound that’s no longer there. I should’ve gotten rid of it ages ago. I guess I’ve forgot.”
Liar, says a voice in his head, but he ignores it.
“Do you still have the figure I made?”
“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. Of course.” He nods, although he panics a little as he tries to remember where he had put it. Probably on a shelf at home, or a table. Somewhere. He couldn’t have lost it.
“Good.” Ohno smiles, and Jun wonders for a moment how Ohno does it - still smile like that, after all they’ve been through. He considers asking, when Ohno’s hand reaches to press something into his. They’re outside, and it’s cold, so it shouldn’t be too surprising, but the static at their contact makes him jump a little inside. “Because I put my heart into my work, too.”
He wants to ask Ohno what that means, but Ohno is already getting up and heading towards the studio where they’re making their PV, saying that they’re going to get into trouble if they’re late. If the words sound strange coming from Ohno, Jun doesn’t say a thing.
He looks down to see the object Ohno had put in his hands - a small, handmade phone strap, with both of their Kaibutsu-kun characters dangling from it.
})i({
Everything is mostly normal in the weeks that come after, except that the lightness in his bag sometimes makes him feel like he’s missing something. The cat has become like a phantom limb, and he is reminded of what Ohno had told him.
It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it?
The days aren’t warmer, much, but it’s certainly less cold, but he still shies away from the others’ touches, claiming that he hates the static that seems to cling to them - especially Ohno. Aiba cackles and says that it’s because they have the power to call down the storm, after all, which makes Nino make a noise that sounds like something between a snort and a laugh, which makes Aiba start tickling him, which starts an all-out wrestling thing that makes Sho stand over them awkwardly trying to play referee. Sho sees Jun looking at him and he whines that it’s all Jun’s fault, and Jun just raises an eyebrow at him in return.
He thinks Ohno is looking at him, too, but he doesn’t look back.
})i({
Usually Sho would be driving Ohno back after work, but this time Aiba’s taking him instead. Jun looks at Aiba in confusion, because Aiba had been his ride there - he had slept over at Aiba’s after a night of drinking too much. Nino, too, had been there, but had somehow left in the morning before the other two had woken up. Claimed that there was a new game he had to line up for before heading for work, but Jun never knows when to take the gamer seriously, and when not to.
“I’m going out with Riida today, so it makes sense that I drive him,” Aiba explains. “We have some super-top-secret things to discuss. You can ride with Sho-chan instead, right, Sho-chan?”
“But -” Jun doesn’t get to say much else before Sho says that it isn’t a problem, since he’s used to driving Ohno around anyway.
Still, he mumbles another apology when he slides into the passenger seat. Sho ignores his apology, and asks if he wants music, because Sho has bought the new album by a band they both liked. It’s already in the CD player, Sho says, so he reaches to turn it on, when his fingers touches Sho’s, and he thinks, oh. He pulls back, and lets Sho press the button instead. The first song is gentle, and the voice reminds him of Ohno almost, and he leans back in his seat to enjoy it.
“You know,” Sho says, and Jun tenses from the hesitance in Sho’s voice. “We’ve never really talked about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, is there?”
“Yes, there is. Aya-chan said - ”
“Wait,” Jun interrupts. “You’ve told Ayaka about me?”
“We tell each other everything,” Sho says, simply. This makes a part of Jun pause, as he thinks about what it means. He’s accepted that Sho is pretty serious about Ayaka, but he hasn’t really thought about what it means - that Sho loves someone that much, that Sho is that close to someone outside of Arashi. “Sorry,” Sho says, softly.
Jun breathes in sharply, exhales, thinking that Sho doesn’t really know what he’s apologizing for, what he probably should be apologizing for. Although, Jun supposes, none of it had been Sho’s fault - except perhaps he could have reacted differently, once. Kinder, maybe.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he says, his voice quieter and smaller than he would have liked it to be. “Of course you’d tell Ayaka everything. Come to think of it, I’d probably be offended if you never talked about us with her.”
Sho shakes his head. “That’s not what I mean. I was talking to Satoshi the other day, and he said -”
“He’s wrong,” Jun says, sharp and quick.
Sho looks amused for a moment. “You don’t even know what I was about to say.”
“Look, it’s no big deal. He found - saw - something of mine, something that he thinks has to do with you. Maybe it did once, but it’s not - it doesn’t mean what he thinks it does.” Jun’s smile is wry, self-deprecating. “It’s not like I’ve been pining after you or anything.”
Now Sho seems awkward, which amuses Jun. “Um. Good. I guess.”
Jun nods. It’s even true, he thinks, sort of. He had been thinking of Sho, when he had made that cat, a long time ago. He may have even thought of giving it to Sho, when it hadn’t been apparent that (1) the cat was going to be weird-looking and wonky and plain butt-ugly, and (2) Sho liked girls, and always would. But he had kept the cat because - he doesn’t know, really, other than the fact that having it around makes him feel a little less jittery inside.
“So we’re good?” he asks Sho, when they’re almost near his place. They had been sitting in silence the rest of the way, but he knows that Sho would know what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
It would have been good to end things as they are, but as they reach his apartment, and he’s about to get out of the car, thanking Sho for the ride, Sho speaks again. “Jun?”
“Yeah?”
“Satoshi’s a great guy.” Sho looks awkward again, which puzzles Jun. And, anyway, it isn’t as if he doesn’t know that Riida is a great guy.
“Yeah.”
They say their goodbyes, then. Jun doesn’t wait to watch Sho drive away.
It isn’t until he’s unlocking the door to his apartment that he realizes two things - one, that he had got as close to a closure as he would ever get, for his adolescent crush on Sho; and two, that he had felt nothing, when his hands had touched Sho’s. No static, no electricity - despite the fact that he’s starting to feel like a bloody conduit of late, with the frequency of shocks he’s been getting.
That’s when the third realization comes: he only feels it when it’s Ohno.
})i({
“Hey, Riida…?”
Ohno is tanner than usual, and Jun wonders how that can be, when there’s barely any sun within the last few weeks.
“You wanted something?”
“It’s - um. I haven’t thanked you yet, for the figure.” Jun still feels a little guilty, because Ohno had only made it because of his lie. However, he can’t help but feel like he’s only talking about it to find something to talk about, which is weird, because this is Ohno that he’s talking to, and it really shouldn’t be a difficult thing, talking to Ohno. Somehow it’s like he’s forgotten how things are supposed to be simple, and easy, between them.
They fall in step with each other - this, too, is easy. It’s something they’ve done for years, walking from one studio to another, walking to or from their greenroom. It’s something they don’t even think about anymore. It’s strange, Jun reflects, the things that they become so accustomed to that they no longer think about it, the things that make them tell themselves they’re so close, and that they know everything about each other.
Except that he had an old crush and a stuffed cat that no one knows about, and now Ohno does.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not,” Jun insists. “You only made it because I lied -” he stops, when Ohno’s steps does.
“I made it for you,” Ohno says, his tone final. “Don’t worry about it.” He smiles, and there’s something not entirely innocent in it. “I’m not going to tell anyone, Jun-kun.”
He’s relieved - of course he’s relieved, but. “But -”
“Then, make me something in return.” When Jun just looks at him in incomprehension, Ohno’s smile widens. “If it doesn’t sit right with you, then make me something in return.”
They look at each other for a beat, two, three - and Ohno reaches for his hand, making him break their eye contact, and pull back before Ohno succeeds.
“You’re just playing with me, aren’t you,” he gripes, and Ohno gives him a smile that looks more like a smirk, that doesn’t agree with or deny Jun’s words.
It would bother him, while waiting for make-up, two hours later, that he still wonders if he shouldn’t have backed away. He wonders if the touch of Ohno’s fingers would have been electric, still.
})i({
“Jun…kun.”
He starts, but doesn’t drop the book in his hands. When the voice registers, he looks up and glares threateningly at the person who had spoken - loudly - into his ears. “Stop doing that. And don’t call me that.”
Not threatened at all, Aiba straightens up and grins. “But Oh-chan calls you that.”
Jun doesn’t reply, and goes back to his book. Sometimes he thinks that it’s best not to humour Aiba.
“So, I hear that you and Sho-chan made up.”
This gets his attention, but he schools his face into a neutral mask, and puts his book down slowly. “Really? I haven’t heard that we were fighting in the first place.”
Aiba shoves away his feet from the couch, and drops next to him. “Really, JunJun. You know what I mean.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve asked you not to call me that, either.”
“Junnosuke.” Aiba’s eyes light up at the hard look Jun gives him. “You used to be all - I don’t know, tense? - around him. Most people can’t really tell, of course. But we’ve known you for so long, so of course we’ve noticed.”
If Jun had been tense, it’s only because Sho always seemed uneasy. He had noticed the way Sho’s eyes would dart away when they accidentally lock on to Jun’s, and the way Sho’s laughter was sometimes too forced, the way he imperceptibly panics if they get paired up for jobs.
“He was young,” Aiba says sagely, as if he knows what Jun is thinking. “He didn’t know how to deal with - you know. And the fact that he actually likes you doesn’t help. I think it would’ve been easier if he didn’t.”
Jun understands, which is why he had never hated Sho, and had tried to keep his crush a secret from the rest of them. But it was a long time ago, and it’s true that they never fought in the first place. It isn’t as if Jun still wished that Sho would suddenly have a change of heart, if he ever did wish that.
“That’s all in the past,” he tells Aiba. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know. But still, I’m glad that you guys made up.”
He sighs. “Like I was saying, we weren’t fighting in the first place.”
“Mm.” Aiba picks up the book Jun had been reading, and flips through it. They sit in silence while Aiba browses through the passages aimlessly. Almost a minute passes by before Aiba speaks again. “Oh-chan’s awesome, isn’t he?”
Irritated, Jun edges away. “You’re really random, you know. And weird.” He reaches for his book, but Aiba turns away, continuing to read.
“By the way,” Aiba says, “nice phone strap.”
It’s Jun’s turn to ignore Aiba, although he feels his ears grow warmer. Aiba knows that he doesn’t use phone straps - before. “Riida gave it to me,” he tells Aiba, rolling his eyes for effect. “It’ll hurt his feelings if I didn’t use it.”
“Oh, Jun-kun’s just being nice.” Aiba does his own impression of Jun’s eye-roll, but it comes out exaggerated and funny. Jun grins despite himself.
“Just shut up and give me back my book, already.”
})i({
Nino corners him on his way out; they’ve done some recording work together, but he’s off to a separate job when it happens. He doesn’t blame Nino, in a way, because he knows that he had been unfairly cold towards the rest of them that afternoon. He does blame it on Aiba, who had bothered him before they started, and put unwanted thoughts in his head.
“I don’t know what your problem is,” Nino states, as if they’re already in the middle of a conversation, and Jun knows exactly what he’s talking about.
“Right now, my problem seems to be you,” he mutters in reply, but there’s no heat in his voice. It isn’t Nino’s fault that he’s irritated and tired, he reminds himself. It probably isn’t Nino’s fault that Nino’s so annoying, either.
“Ha, ha.” Nino’s gaze on him is withering, and Jun had to wonder why. He had expected a different reaction, altogether. Before he could ask, Nino shakes his head, and sighs loudly. Jun realizes that he isn’t the only tired one. “Look,” Nino says. “I’m not going to say I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. But being indecisive and not doing anything is bad, and you don’t want to give him ideas, so you should get your act together and deal with it, okay?”
Nino leaves, then; he has somewhere important to be, too. Jun forgets about his own work for a moment, watching, and trying to figure out what Nino might have meant.
})i({
“I’m not in love with you.”
To say that Sho looks surprised would be an understatement. His stunned expression makes Jun want to laugh, except that it’s the first time he had ever acknowledged the feelings he once might have had so clearly, and he doesn’t find it funny at all.
Sho, getting over the initial shock, nods slowly, and blinks. “O-kay...”
“I’m saying this because Riida and Aiba and Nino seems to think that I am, but I’m not.”
Sho smiles hesitantly. “I know.”
“In fact, I don’t even know if I was in love. I mean, I had a crush. An infatuation, maybe. I mean, you were kind of awesome. But I’m completely over that.” Jun pauses. A part of him is scandalized by how the words came out, and how lame he sounded. Another part of him reminds him that he had been speaking in the past tense. “I mean, you’re still awesome. Kind of.” He thinks. “In that sometimes-completely-sad kind of way.”
This time, Sho laughs. “I know.”
“And - you do?” Jun asks in disbelief. “Nino said that you didn’t, that I should clear things up.”
“He wasn’t talking about me.”
“If he wasn’t talking about you, then who the hell else would he be talking about?”
Sho stands abruptly. Jun had been standing before him in the greenroom, and backs away a bit. Sho’s suddenly too close, and it startles him when Sho takes his hand. “You liked me back then, but I wasn’t really real to you. It’s more like - the idea of me. It’s strange, though, isn’t it, that we’ve spent so much time together back then, and yet it’s only when there’s some distance between us that we learned to see each other as who we really are?”
Jun isn’t sure he completely understands Sho, but it sounds just about right. “I suppose.”
“We’re a lot more comfortable with each other, now that we realize we make good friends, aren’t we?”
“Mm.” Jun isn’t really listening. Sho’s still closer that he’d like, and he looks over at the door, hoping that none of the others would walk in. He puts his free hand on Sho’s shoulder, and pushes a little. “However comfortable we may be now, I hardly think that - damn it.” The last words are hurried, as his hand drops to his side and his other hand jerks away from Sho’s, and he takes a quick, ungraceful step back.
At the doorway, Ohno gives them a curious look. “Nino sent me to get his manga, that he left behind,” he explains unnecessarily. “He said that there’s no one left here to ask.”
“We’re supposed to be leaving by now; I suppose that’s why he wouldn’t think we’re here,” Sho answers smoothly. “If you’re looking for the manga, you’re out of luck, though. Aiba saw it and took it with him before he left.”
Ohno thanks Sho, and as he leaves, Jun sees him take his phone out, perhaps to call Aiba or Nino.
Sho says that he’s supposed to be elsewhere, for real this time, and starts packing his things, but Jun stays where he is, thinking.
What he had said to Sho earlier isn’t true. He does love Sho, although it’s the kind of love that takes him by surprise. It isn’t the hero worship he had felt when he was younger; he’s no longer blind to Sho’s faults, and he no longer puts Sho on a pedestal. Now that he thinks back on it, he realizes that it had been unfair to both of them - Sho would never live up to his expectations, and he was too busy with his image of Sho that he doesn’t really get to know the actual person behind that image. It isn’t the crush, or infatuation, that he fancied himself having once, either. Sho’s hand holding his had been firm, gentle, comfortable. Sho’s presence - and any contact with Sho - makes him feel safe, relaxed, enveloped with warmth. It isn’t so different with how it feels with Nino, or Aiba. He loves them, too.
He thinks about touches, and electricity, and feeling like his insides are all in knots, and takes a deep breath.
Sho’s done packing, and is already by the door, looking back at him. Perhaps there’s something in his eyes, because Sho nods, and smiles, and says, “about time you figured it out, already.”
})i({
If Sho had expected things to change immediately, he would have been disappointed. A few weeks pass by, and everything is as normal as it ever was - if Aiba’s off-screen experiments, which they all bore without a single word of complaint, could be considered normal.
It’s just another infatuation, he tells himself. It doesn’t make any more sense to indulge in it than it had with Sho. And besides, it’s impossible, isn’t it? They’re too different, and Ohno could never… and things would get awkward if he found out. He remembers the distance he and Sho had put between each other, once. He didn’t think he could do that with Ohno.
So he keeps his revelation to himself. After all, it isn’t as if he’s unhappy. He has bickering to do with Nino, and he has to make sure Aiba doesn’t get into too much trouble, and he has a lot of years to catch up on, with Sho. As for Ohno… he suppresses a sigh, as he drags his eyes away from the other man’s form.
Ohno would always be there, he supposes.
})i({
He’s in that awkward time when he’s done with one project and have yet to move on to the next, which usually means a time of rest (good) and getting comfortable with a lazier schedule (bad). He likes to take advantage of it to spend more time at home, cooking all the things that he would never have the time for otherwise, or going out with his friends. When he was coming home from a night out with Shun, however, he dug into his coat pocket for his keys, and his fingers curl around a small thing, cold to the touch. He pulls it out, and sees that it’s the figure that Ohno had given him.
It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it?
He switches on the television when he passes by the living room, but he doesn’t immediately sit to watch late night shows. He heads to the guest bedroom, opening the closet, and rummages for something that he knew he had put there, once, and forgot. Something he hadn’t used since he moved in, and longer than that.
It had helped him get over someone once. Maybe it’ll help him again.
})i({
“You have to work on that staring thing,” Nino comments, as he holds his hand out to take the book Jun offers him. Jun grabs the book back.
“You have to work on not annoying me when you’re also trying to borrow my things.”
Unfazed, Nino reaches out and takes the book. “I’m just giving you friendly advice,” he says, “and besides, it isn’t as if - what’s that?”
A small white paw is sticking out of the corner of Jun’s bag. Jun stares at it for a few seconds, wondering how he could get so careless, and stuffs it back in. “Nothing,” he says. “Must have accidentally shoved it in my bag this morning.”
“Let’s see it.”
Jun grimaces, and tells Nino to move over, because he wants to get into their greenroom before they’re called back out again. Nino steps aside, and even opens the door for him, but then follows him in, and immediately grabs his bag as the door closes on them.
“Damn it, Nino, what’s wrong with you?” He turns, trying to pull back the strap falling off his shoulders, but Nino’s pulling, too, and the bag falls, emptying its contents to the floor.
“Ooops,” is all that Nino says.
Sho, Aiba, and Ohno stopped in the middle of their conversation to look at them, and to the mess on the floor.
“…is that a stuffed cat?” Aiba asks, curious. Nino laughs, incredibly amused for some reason. Jun shoots a glare in his direction and starts to pick up his things.
He’s still trying to think of what to say this time, when Ohno speaks.
“It’s mine.”
Jun pauses in the midst of checking if anything had fallen out of his schedule book, to look at Ohno.
“I needed a knitted cat for this thing I’m doing, and asked Jun to find me one.” He walks over, holds out his hand. Jun pulls the cat from his bag, and gives it to Ohno, still unsure of what’s going on. “This is perfect, thanks.”
“What kind of project do you need a cat for?” Aiba asks, unsatisfied. Ohno hums and doesn’t answer, but they don’t really expect him to, anyway. Nino’s still amused, and Sho looks like nothing strange had happened at all.
Jun spends the entire day’s recordings feeling like the rest of them are secretly laughing at him, and it makes him more irritable than when Nino decided to pull a private Ni no Arashi on each of them, four days in a row, on one of their anniversaries.
})i({
“Here.”
Jun stubs his cigarette, but doesn’t turn. He could tell it’s Ohno, anyway. He looks up, feeling vaguely upset with the fact that he’s out on a balcony, and yet the area is so completely closed off, there isn’t anything to look at.
“It really is for you, you know,” he says. “You don’t have to give it back to me.”
Ohno holds on to the pale blue cat with the white paws. Unlike the first cat Jun had made, this one is actually kind of cute. “I had a feeling,” he says.
Jun coughs, embarrassed. Nino’s right, after all. He should work on the staring thing. “Sorry.” Then, as if finally recovering from whatever that’s bugging him, he straightens up and speaks again. “I mean, you asked me to make you something in return.”
“…and that’s the only reason you made me this.”
“Yes.”
He knows that he’s lying, and that Ohno doesn’t believe him, but he thinks about how Sho had been uncomfortable with his regard when they were younger. He would rather live with the lie, and pretend to be just friends, than to risk losing even that. He doesn’t expect the disappointed look Ohno gives him, though, and it carves out an emptiness in him - a hollow feeling that’s hard to swallow, and tastes like regret.
“Okay.” Ohno starts to turn away.
“Wait.”
Ohno pauses, but he could see that Ohno’s as hesitant as he feels. He doesn’t even know what he wants to say, what he’s supposed to do. All he knows is the sudden panicky thought that if he lets Ohno leave, he might be losing his last chance.
“Jun-kun?”
His last chance to… what? “I -“ he stops. He needs to say something - this much is clear to him - but he still doesn’t know what. What would the magic words be, the ones that would make Ohno stay?
Ohno smiles. It isn’t the knowing smile that looks more like a smirk, that Jun is now used to. It isn’t the fake smile Ohno sometimes wear when he’s too tired. Jun thinks that he knows Ohno well enough that he could name and categorise most of Ohno’s smiles, but this one eludes him. It’s soft, and there is a sweetness to it that’s almost hurts. Ohno walks over to him; he stands still, unable to do anything else. Ohno stands as close as possible without them actually touching, and in a move that Jun definitely doesn’t expect, tiptoes and places a small kiss at the corner of Jun’s mouth. The touch is light, and over in an instant, but has Jun holding his breath.
Electric.
Everything in him knots up, and he expels his breath in one go. “Riida.”
Ohno’s smile now is definitely more familiar, accompanied by the blink-and-it’s-gone mischievous twinkle in his eye. Jun swallows, and stares for a few moments longer.
It’s only when Ohno starts to step back that he reaches out, hands grabbing Ohno’s arms, lips lowering to touch lips.
Perhaps sometimes magic words aren’t really necessary at all.
})i({
There is a small wall shelf in one corner of the greenroom they always use, the one that’s reserved just for them. On this shelf there is one row that’s always left empty, where they dump bags and belongings they don’t hang up on the coat rack. There are a couple more rows, littered with books and manga they’ve brought in and left behind, a basket of extra chargers and batteries for their various electronic devices, and a smattering of strange paraphernalia from all of them.
In one corner of the uppermost shelf, there is now a small figure of Jun’s Kaibutsu-kun character. Next to it is a blue knitted cat - the eyes are shiny brown buttons, and the mouth is a little crooked, giving it a self-satisfied look, like it knows more that one would think it does.
When Sho first sees the new additions, his smile resembles the cat’s. Nino just grins, before he scowls and demands his own figure from Ohno. Aiba takes a long look at it, and comments that somehow, it feels like home.
Jun’s hand reaches for Ohno’s, and doesn’t pull away this time. He no longer has a stuffed cat, but he has something better.
~ the end ~
Marineko's Notes:
5. I was going to post this on Oh-chan's birthday, but didn't finish it in time. Still, happy birthday, fishing Leader!
FANDOM: Arashi
PAIRING: Juntoshi
RATING: PG
DATE: November 27th, 2011
WORD COUNT: 5,572
NOTES/DISCLAIMERS: 1. This is a work of FICTION, 2. Beta-ed by arashic0804, 3. Using the prompt "So I Have a Stuffed Animal" from rainbowfilling, and 4. special thanks to sesquerdo - hope you like it!
Kaibutsu-kun, Phone Straps, and a Blue Knitted Cat
It’s like it happens in slow motion - Jun, in an awkward move, reaches for his bag quickly and misses. It falls, spilling its contents on the floor. It seems to take forever for the bag to fall, for his things to drop, one by one, over the fluffy green carpet Aiba likes so much. The first thing he thinks is, thank god no one else is around. The second thing he thinks is, I have to clean this up, quick.
Before he even bends over to pick up the thing nearest to him - a notebook - the door to the greenroom opens, and he freezes. “It’s not mine!” he says, instinctively, loudly.
Ohno pauses. “What isn’t?”
“Uh. Nothing,” Jun amends. “I was just startled, and my bag dropped. That’s all.”
Ohno looks down at the mess by Jun’s feet, and nods. “I’ll help.”
“No, that’s fi-” he starts to say, shoving the book in his bag and looking around frantically to see where it has gone to, but it’s already in Ohno’s hands.
‘It’ being a stuffed, frayed, knitted red cat, one arm slightly longer than the other, a lop-sided, embroidered mouth, and eyes made of big round buttons.
“What’s this?” Ohno asks, and it only takes one look at Jun’s horrified face for him to understand. He laughs, and Jun looks down, hurrying to pick up the rest of his things and throwing them back in his bag, trying not to look embarrassed.
At least it’s Riida, he thinks. Nino or Aiba would never let me live this down. Sho would probably not say anything, but he was too mortified to even consider the idea of Sho discovering his… cat.
“It’s for my cousin’s kid, okay?” he says, voice rising defensively. “There’s a birthday, and - well. My sister taught me to knit when we were younger, so I thought it wouldn’t be hard to make one. Obviously, I was wrong.”
“No, it’s cute,” Ohno tells him, passing him the stuffed cat. “And Jun-kun carrying around a stuffed cat is really cute.”
“Breathe one word of this to the others,” Jun threatens, but it has no effect on Ohno whatsoever. Jun pauses, trying to think of something that Ohno would take seriously to end his sentence, but couldn’t.
})i({
“Here,” Ohno says. Jun doesn’t even know that Ohno was talking to him until he sees the hand before him, placing a small object on the book he was reading. He picks it up.
It’s a small figure, much like the ones Ohno once exhibited, except that this one doesn’t look like them at all. It’s delicate and pretty, and upon closer inspection Jun realizes that it’s a figure of the character he played when he did that cameo for Kaibutsu-kun.
He looks at Ohno, startled.
“For your cousin’s kid,” Ohno says. “It’s her birthday, right?”
“You didn’t have to make anything,” he mumbles, looking back down on the figure, and he tries to think of a way to get out of this. He feels Nino staring at his back, and he straightens up, trying to look aloof.
It’s Aiba who says it, though. There’s no doubt Nino has told him. Jun is actually pretty secretive about his family, and though he has given away bits of information here and there to the other members, none of them knew everything.
“Jun only has one cousin, and she doesn’t have kids,” Aiba offers helpfully. “You must be thinking of someone else, Riida.”
There’s silence as Ohno turns to him, and he keeps his gaze on the figure. Ohno must be mad at him for lying, he thinks. Especially when Ohno had worked so hard on the figure. “I must be,” Ohno murmurs, and his voice freezes Jun for a moment, because Ohno doesn’t sound angry, Ohno just sounds amused, and for some reason that unsettles him even more. “Keep it, then, Jun-kun. It’ll be my token of love to you.”
He snorts at the second sentence, knowing it’s just Ohno being Ohno. He waits, and sure enough, Nino and Aiba are reacting the way they’re supposed to - Nino asking if Ohno didn’t love him, and Aiba teasing. Sho, alone, looks at Jun, and Jun looks back, impassive.
Sho gives him a half-smile, a ‘friend’ smile, and he smiles again in return, taking care that it’s not too wide and doesn’t reveal too much - or anything, at all. He shrugs, as if to say, what can I do about these people?, indicating the other three, and Sho laughs, before calling for order.
As he drops the figure into the pocket of the coat he has yet to take off, he notices that Ohno had been looking at him, too. He just mouths a thank you, thinking of the figure, and a sorry, thinking about the lie.
He thinks of the red knitted cat still stuffed into a corner of his bag, and he thinks that it’s been more than a decade, and it’s probably about time that he stops carrying it around.
})i({
“Can I see it?” Ohno asks. It’s almost a month after, and he doesn’t know what Ohno is talking about at first.
“I don’t have it anymore,” he tells Ohno, once he realizes. “Sorry for not telling you the truth.”
“It’s a pity, then.” Ohno sits next to him, a little too close, and he shifts away. “It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it? You don’t throw something like that away.”
He hadn’t thought that Ohno would understand, and is surprised that Ohno knows more than he lets on. “It’s nothing,” he says. “Just a - scab, or something. Or a bandage for a wound that’s no longer there. I should’ve gotten rid of it ages ago. I guess I’ve forgot.”
Liar, says a voice in his head, but he ignores it.
“Do you still have the figure I made?”
“Hmm? Oh. Yeah. Of course.” He nods, although he panics a little as he tries to remember where he had put it. Probably on a shelf at home, or a table. Somewhere. He couldn’t have lost it.
“Good.” Ohno smiles, and Jun wonders for a moment how Ohno does it - still smile like that, after all they’ve been through. He considers asking, when Ohno’s hand reaches to press something into his. They’re outside, and it’s cold, so it shouldn’t be too surprising, but the static at their contact makes him jump a little inside. “Because I put my heart into my work, too.”
He wants to ask Ohno what that means, but Ohno is already getting up and heading towards the studio where they’re making their PV, saying that they’re going to get into trouble if they’re late. If the words sound strange coming from Ohno, Jun doesn’t say a thing.
He looks down to see the object Ohno had put in his hands - a small, handmade phone strap, with both of their Kaibutsu-kun characters dangling from it.
})i({
Everything is mostly normal in the weeks that come after, except that the lightness in his bag sometimes makes him feel like he’s missing something. The cat has become like a phantom limb, and he is reminded of what Ohno had told him.
It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it?
The days aren’t warmer, much, but it’s certainly less cold, but he still shies away from the others’ touches, claiming that he hates the static that seems to cling to them - especially Ohno. Aiba cackles and says that it’s because they have the power to call down the storm, after all, which makes Nino make a noise that sounds like something between a snort and a laugh, which makes Aiba start tickling him, which starts an all-out wrestling thing that makes Sho stand over them awkwardly trying to play referee. Sho sees Jun looking at him and he whines that it’s all Jun’s fault, and Jun just raises an eyebrow at him in return.
He thinks Ohno is looking at him, too, but he doesn’t look back.
})i({
Usually Sho would be driving Ohno back after work, but this time Aiba’s taking him instead. Jun looks at Aiba in confusion, because Aiba had been his ride there - he had slept over at Aiba’s after a night of drinking too much. Nino, too, had been there, but had somehow left in the morning before the other two had woken up. Claimed that there was a new game he had to line up for before heading for work, but Jun never knows when to take the gamer seriously, and when not to.
“I’m going out with Riida today, so it makes sense that I drive him,” Aiba explains. “We have some super-top-secret things to discuss. You can ride with Sho-chan instead, right, Sho-chan?”
“But -” Jun doesn’t get to say much else before Sho says that it isn’t a problem, since he’s used to driving Ohno around anyway.
Still, he mumbles another apology when he slides into the passenger seat. Sho ignores his apology, and asks if he wants music, because Sho has bought the new album by a band they both liked. It’s already in the CD player, Sho says, so he reaches to turn it on, when his fingers touches Sho’s, and he thinks, oh. He pulls back, and lets Sho press the button instead. The first song is gentle, and the voice reminds him of Ohno almost, and he leans back in his seat to enjoy it.
“You know,” Sho says, and Jun tenses from the hesitance in Sho’s voice. “We’ve never really talked about it.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, is there?”
“Yes, there is. Aya-chan said - ”
“Wait,” Jun interrupts. “You’ve told Ayaka about me?”
“We tell each other everything,” Sho says, simply. This makes a part of Jun pause, as he thinks about what it means. He’s accepted that Sho is pretty serious about Ayaka, but he hasn’t really thought about what it means - that Sho loves someone that much, that Sho is that close to someone outside of Arashi. “Sorry,” Sho says, softly.
Jun breathes in sharply, exhales, thinking that Sho doesn’t really know what he’s apologizing for, what he probably should be apologizing for. Although, Jun supposes, none of it had been Sho’s fault - except perhaps he could have reacted differently, once. Kinder, maybe.
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he says, his voice quieter and smaller than he would have liked it to be. “Of course you’d tell Ayaka everything. Come to think of it, I’d probably be offended if you never talked about us with her.”
Sho shakes his head. “That’s not what I mean. I was talking to Satoshi the other day, and he said -”
“He’s wrong,” Jun says, sharp and quick.
Sho looks amused for a moment. “You don’t even know what I was about to say.”
“Look, it’s no big deal. He found - saw - something of mine, something that he thinks has to do with you. Maybe it did once, but it’s not - it doesn’t mean what he thinks it does.” Jun’s smile is wry, self-deprecating. “It’s not like I’ve been pining after you or anything.”
Now Sho seems awkward, which amuses Jun. “Um. Good. I guess.”
Jun nods. It’s even true, he thinks, sort of. He had been thinking of Sho, when he had made that cat, a long time ago. He may have even thought of giving it to Sho, when it hadn’t been apparent that (1) the cat was going to be weird-looking and wonky and plain butt-ugly, and (2) Sho liked girls, and always would. But he had kept the cat because - he doesn’t know, really, other than the fact that having it around makes him feel a little less jittery inside.
“So we’re good?” he asks Sho, when they’re almost near his place. They had been sitting in silence the rest of the way, but he knows that Sho would know what he’s talking about.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Good.”
“Good.”
It would have been good to end things as they are, but as they reach his apartment, and he’s about to get out of the car, thanking Sho for the ride, Sho speaks again. “Jun?”
“Yeah?”
“Satoshi’s a great guy.” Sho looks awkward again, which puzzles Jun. And, anyway, it isn’t as if he doesn’t know that Riida is a great guy.
“Yeah.”
They say their goodbyes, then. Jun doesn’t wait to watch Sho drive away.
It isn’t until he’s unlocking the door to his apartment that he realizes two things - one, that he had got as close to a closure as he would ever get, for his adolescent crush on Sho; and two, that he had felt nothing, when his hands had touched Sho’s. No static, no electricity - despite the fact that he’s starting to feel like a bloody conduit of late, with the frequency of shocks he’s been getting.
That’s when the third realization comes: he only feels it when it’s Ohno.
})i({
“Hey, Riida…?”
Ohno is tanner than usual, and Jun wonders how that can be, when there’s barely any sun within the last few weeks.
“You wanted something?”
“It’s - um. I haven’t thanked you yet, for the figure.” Jun still feels a little guilty, because Ohno had only made it because of his lie. However, he can’t help but feel like he’s only talking about it to find something to talk about, which is weird, because this is Ohno that he’s talking to, and it really shouldn’t be a difficult thing, talking to Ohno. Somehow it’s like he’s forgotten how things are supposed to be simple, and easy, between them.
They fall in step with each other - this, too, is easy. It’s something they’ve done for years, walking from one studio to another, walking to or from their greenroom. It’s something they don’t even think about anymore. It’s strange, Jun reflects, the things that they become so accustomed to that they no longer think about it, the things that make them tell themselves they’re so close, and that they know everything about each other.
Except that he had an old crush and a stuffed cat that no one knows about, and now Ohno does.
“It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not,” Jun insists. “You only made it because I lied -” he stops, when Ohno’s steps does.
“I made it for you,” Ohno says, his tone final. “Don’t worry about it.” He smiles, and there’s something not entirely innocent in it. “I’m not going to tell anyone, Jun-kun.”
He’s relieved - of course he’s relieved, but. “But -”
“Then, make me something in return.” When Jun just looks at him in incomprehension, Ohno’s smile widens. “If it doesn’t sit right with you, then make me something in return.”
They look at each other for a beat, two, three - and Ohno reaches for his hand, making him break their eye contact, and pull back before Ohno succeeds.
“You’re just playing with me, aren’t you,” he gripes, and Ohno gives him a smile that looks more like a smirk, that doesn’t agree with or deny Jun’s words.
It would bother him, while waiting for make-up, two hours later, that he still wonders if he shouldn’t have backed away. He wonders if the touch of Ohno’s fingers would have been electric, still.
})i({
“Jun…kun.”
He starts, but doesn’t drop the book in his hands. When the voice registers, he looks up and glares threateningly at the person who had spoken - loudly - into his ears. “Stop doing that. And don’t call me that.”
Not threatened at all, Aiba straightens up and grins. “But Oh-chan calls you that.”
Jun doesn’t reply, and goes back to his book. Sometimes he thinks that it’s best not to humour Aiba.
“So, I hear that you and Sho-chan made up.”
This gets his attention, but he schools his face into a neutral mask, and puts his book down slowly. “Really? I haven’t heard that we were fighting in the first place.”
Aiba shoves away his feet from the couch, and drops next to him. “Really, JunJun. You know what I mean.”
“I’m pretty sure I’ve asked you not to call me that, either.”
“Junnosuke.” Aiba’s eyes light up at the hard look Jun gives him. “You used to be all - I don’t know, tense? - around him. Most people can’t really tell, of course. But we’ve known you for so long, so of course we’ve noticed.”
If Jun had been tense, it’s only because Sho always seemed uneasy. He had noticed the way Sho’s eyes would dart away when they accidentally lock on to Jun’s, and the way Sho’s laughter was sometimes too forced, the way he imperceptibly panics if they get paired up for jobs.
“He was young,” Aiba says sagely, as if he knows what Jun is thinking. “He didn’t know how to deal with - you know. And the fact that he actually likes you doesn’t help. I think it would’ve been easier if he didn’t.”
Jun understands, which is why he had never hated Sho, and had tried to keep his crush a secret from the rest of them. But it was a long time ago, and it’s true that they never fought in the first place. It isn’t as if Jun still wished that Sho would suddenly have a change of heart, if he ever did wish that.
“That’s all in the past,” he tells Aiba. “You don’t have to tell me.”
“I know. But still, I’m glad that you guys made up.”
He sighs. “Like I was saying, we weren’t fighting in the first place.”
“Mm.” Aiba picks up the book Jun had been reading, and flips through it. They sit in silence while Aiba browses through the passages aimlessly. Almost a minute passes by before Aiba speaks again. “Oh-chan’s awesome, isn’t he?”
Irritated, Jun edges away. “You’re really random, you know. And weird.” He reaches for his book, but Aiba turns away, continuing to read.
“By the way,” Aiba says, “nice phone strap.”
It’s Jun’s turn to ignore Aiba, although he feels his ears grow warmer. Aiba knows that he doesn’t use phone straps - before. “Riida gave it to me,” he tells Aiba, rolling his eyes for effect. “It’ll hurt his feelings if I didn’t use it.”
“Oh, Jun-kun’s just being nice.” Aiba does his own impression of Jun’s eye-roll, but it comes out exaggerated and funny. Jun grins despite himself.
“Just shut up and give me back my book, already.”
})i({
Nino corners him on his way out; they’ve done some recording work together, but he’s off to a separate job when it happens. He doesn’t blame Nino, in a way, because he knows that he had been unfairly cold towards the rest of them that afternoon. He does blame it on Aiba, who had bothered him before they started, and put unwanted thoughts in his head.
“I don’t know what your problem is,” Nino states, as if they’re already in the middle of a conversation, and Jun knows exactly what he’s talking about.
“Right now, my problem seems to be you,” he mutters in reply, but there’s no heat in his voice. It isn’t Nino’s fault that he’s irritated and tired, he reminds himself. It probably isn’t Nino’s fault that Nino’s so annoying, either.
“Ha, ha.” Nino’s gaze on him is withering, and Jun had to wonder why. He had expected a different reaction, altogether. Before he could ask, Nino shakes his head, and sighs loudly. Jun realizes that he isn’t the only tired one. “Look,” Nino says. “I’m not going to say I know what you’re going through, because I don’t. But being indecisive and not doing anything is bad, and you don’t want to give him ideas, so you should get your act together and deal with it, okay?”
Nino leaves, then; he has somewhere important to be, too. Jun forgets about his own work for a moment, watching, and trying to figure out what Nino might have meant.
})i({
“I’m not in love with you.”
To say that Sho looks surprised would be an understatement. His stunned expression makes Jun want to laugh, except that it’s the first time he had ever acknowledged the feelings he once might have had so clearly, and he doesn’t find it funny at all.
Sho, getting over the initial shock, nods slowly, and blinks. “O-kay...”
“I’m saying this because Riida and Aiba and Nino seems to think that I am, but I’m not.”
Sho smiles hesitantly. “I know.”
“In fact, I don’t even know if I was in love. I mean, I had a crush. An infatuation, maybe. I mean, you were kind of awesome. But I’m completely over that.” Jun pauses. A part of him is scandalized by how the words came out, and how lame he sounded. Another part of him reminds him that he had been speaking in the past tense. “I mean, you’re still awesome. Kind of.” He thinks. “In that sometimes-completely-sad kind of way.”
This time, Sho laughs. “I know.”
“And - you do?” Jun asks in disbelief. “Nino said that you didn’t, that I should clear things up.”
“He wasn’t talking about me.”
“If he wasn’t talking about you, then who the hell else would he be talking about?”
Sho stands abruptly. Jun had been standing before him in the greenroom, and backs away a bit. Sho’s suddenly too close, and it startles him when Sho takes his hand. “You liked me back then, but I wasn’t really real to you. It’s more like - the idea of me. It’s strange, though, isn’t it, that we’ve spent so much time together back then, and yet it’s only when there’s some distance between us that we learned to see each other as who we really are?”
Jun isn’t sure he completely understands Sho, but it sounds just about right. “I suppose.”
“We’re a lot more comfortable with each other, now that we realize we make good friends, aren’t we?”
“Mm.” Jun isn’t really listening. Sho’s still closer that he’d like, and he looks over at the door, hoping that none of the others would walk in. He puts his free hand on Sho’s shoulder, and pushes a little. “However comfortable we may be now, I hardly think that - damn it.” The last words are hurried, as his hand drops to his side and his other hand jerks away from Sho’s, and he takes a quick, ungraceful step back.
At the doorway, Ohno gives them a curious look. “Nino sent me to get his manga, that he left behind,” he explains unnecessarily. “He said that there’s no one left here to ask.”
“We’re supposed to be leaving by now; I suppose that’s why he wouldn’t think we’re here,” Sho answers smoothly. “If you’re looking for the manga, you’re out of luck, though. Aiba saw it and took it with him before he left.”
Ohno thanks Sho, and as he leaves, Jun sees him take his phone out, perhaps to call Aiba or Nino.
Sho says that he’s supposed to be elsewhere, for real this time, and starts packing his things, but Jun stays where he is, thinking.
What he had said to Sho earlier isn’t true. He does love Sho, although it’s the kind of love that takes him by surprise. It isn’t the hero worship he had felt when he was younger; he’s no longer blind to Sho’s faults, and he no longer puts Sho on a pedestal. Now that he thinks back on it, he realizes that it had been unfair to both of them - Sho would never live up to his expectations, and he was too busy with his image of Sho that he doesn’t really get to know the actual person behind that image. It isn’t the crush, or infatuation, that he fancied himself having once, either. Sho’s hand holding his had been firm, gentle, comfortable. Sho’s presence - and any contact with Sho - makes him feel safe, relaxed, enveloped with warmth. It isn’t so different with how it feels with Nino, or Aiba. He loves them, too.
He thinks about touches, and electricity, and feeling like his insides are all in knots, and takes a deep breath.
Sho’s done packing, and is already by the door, looking back at him. Perhaps there’s something in his eyes, because Sho nods, and smiles, and says, “about time you figured it out, already.”
})i({
If Sho had expected things to change immediately, he would have been disappointed. A few weeks pass by, and everything is as normal as it ever was - if Aiba’s off-screen experiments, which they all bore without a single word of complaint, could be considered normal.
It’s just another infatuation, he tells himself. It doesn’t make any more sense to indulge in it than it had with Sho. And besides, it’s impossible, isn’t it? They’re too different, and Ohno could never… and things would get awkward if he found out. He remembers the distance he and Sho had put between each other, once. He didn’t think he could do that with Ohno.
So he keeps his revelation to himself. After all, it isn’t as if he’s unhappy. He has bickering to do with Nino, and he has to make sure Aiba doesn’t get into too much trouble, and he has a lot of years to catch up on, with Sho. As for Ohno… he suppresses a sigh, as he drags his eyes away from the other man’s form.
Ohno would always be there, he supposes.
})i({
He’s in that awkward time when he’s done with one project and have yet to move on to the next, which usually means a time of rest (good) and getting comfortable with a lazier schedule (bad). He likes to take advantage of it to spend more time at home, cooking all the things that he would never have the time for otherwise, or going out with his friends. When he was coming home from a night out with Shun, however, he dug into his coat pocket for his keys, and his fingers curl around a small thing, cold to the touch. He pulls it out, and sees that it’s the figure that Ohno had given him.
It’s Jun-kun’s heart, isn’t it?
He switches on the television when he passes by the living room, but he doesn’t immediately sit to watch late night shows. He heads to the guest bedroom, opening the closet, and rummages for something that he knew he had put there, once, and forgot. Something he hadn’t used since he moved in, and longer than that.
It had helped him get over someone once. Maybe it’ll help him again.
})i({
“You have to work on that staring thing,” Nino comments, as he holds his hand out to take the book Jun offers him. Jun grabs the book back.
“You have to work on not annoying me when you’re also trying to borrow my things.”
Unfazed, Nino reaches out and takes the book. “I’m just giving you friendly advice,” he says, “and besides, it isn’t as if - what’s that?”
A small white paw is sticking out of the corner of Jun’s bag. Jun stares at it for a few seconds, wondering how he could get so careless, and stuffs it back in. “Nothing,” he says. “Must have accidentally shoved it in my bag this morning.”
“Let’s see it.”
Jun grimaces, and tells Nino to move over, because he wants to get into their greenroom before they’re called back out again. Nino steps aside, and even opens the door for him, but then follows him in, and immediately grabs his bag as the door closes on them.
“Damn it, Nino, what’s wrong with you?” He turns, trying to pull back the strap falling off his shoulders, but Nino’s pulling, too, and the bag falls, emptying its contents to the floor.
“Ooops,” is all that Nino says.
Sho, Aiba, and Ohno stopped in the middle of their conversation to look at them, and to the mess on the floor.
“…is that a stuffed cat?” Aiba asks, curious. Nino laughs, incredibly amused for some reason. Jun shoots a glare in his direction and starts to pick up his things.
He’s still trying to think of what to say this time, when Ohno speaks.
“It’s mine.”
Jun pauses in the midst of checking if anything had fallen out of his schedule book, to look at Ohno.
“I needed a knitted cat for this thing I’m doing, and asked Jun to find me one.” He walks over, holds out his hand. Jun pulls the cat from his bag, and gives it to Ohno, still unsure of what’s going on. “This is perfect, thanks.”
“What kind of project do you need a cat for?” Aiba asks, unsatisfied. Ohno hums and doesn’t answer, but they don’t really expect him to, anyway. Nino’s still amused, and Sho looks like nothing strange had happened at all.
Jun spends the entire day’s recordings feeling like the rest of them are secretly laughing at him, and it makes him more irritable than when Nino decided to pull a private Ni no Arashi on each of them, four days in a row, on one of their anniversaries.
})i({
“Here.”
Jun stubs his cigarette, but doesn’t turn. He could tell it’s Ohno, anyway. He looks up, feeling vaguely upset with the fact that he’s out on a balcony, and yet the area is so completely closed off, there isn’t anything to look at.
“It really is for you, you know,” he says. “You don’t have to give it back to me.”
Ohno holds on to the pale blue cat with the white paws. Unlike the first cat Jun had made, this one is actually kind of cute. “I had a feeling,” he says.
Jun coughs, embarrassed. Nino’s right, after all. He should work on the staring thing. “Sorry.” Then, as if finally recovering from whatever that’s bugging him, he straightens up and speaks again. “I mean, you asked me to make you something in return.”
“…and that’s the only reason you made me this.”
“Yes.”
He knows that he’s lying, and that Ohno doesn’t believe him, but he thinks about how Sho had been uncomfortable with his regard when they were younger. He would rather live with the lie, and pretend to be just friends, than to risk losing even that. He doesn’t expect the disappointed look Ohno gives him, though, and it carves out an emptiness in him - a hollow feeling that’s hard to swallow, and tastes like regret.
“Okay.” Ohno starts to turn away.
“Wait.”
Ohno pauses, but he could see that Ohno’s as hesitant as he feels. He doesn’t even know what he wants to say, what he’s supposed to do. All he knows is the sudden panicky thought that if he lets Ohno leave, he might be losing his last chance.
“Jun-kun?”
His last chance to… what? “I -“ he stops. He needs to say something - this much is clear to him - but he still doesn’t know what. What would the magic words be, the ones that would make Ohno stay?
Ohno smiles. It isn’t the knowing smile that looks more like a smirk, that Jun is now used to. It isn’t the fake smile Ohno sometimes wear when he’s too tired. Jun thinks that he knows Ohno well enough that he could name and categorise most of Ohno’s smiles, but this one eludes him. It’s soft, and there is a sweetness to it that’s almost hurts. Ohno walks over to him; he stands still, unable to do anything else. Ohno stands as close as possible without them actually touching, and in a move that Jun definitely doesn’t expect, tiptoes and places a small kiss at the corner of Jun’s mouth. The touch is light, and over in an instant, but has Jun holding his breath.
Electric.
Everything in him knots up, and he expels his breath in one go. “Riida.”
Ohno’s smile now is definitely more familiar, accompanied by the blink-and-it’s-gone mischievous twinkle in his eye. Jun swallows, and stares for a few moments longer.
It’s only when Ohno starts to step back that he reaches out, hands grabbing Ohno’s arms, lips lowering to touch lips.
Perhaps sometimes magic words aren’t really necessary at all.
})i({
There is a small wall shelf in one corner of the greenroom they always use, the one that’s reserved just for them. On this shelf there is one row that’s always left empty, where they dump bags and belongings they don’t hang up on the coat rack. There are a couple more rows, littered with books and manga they’ve brought in and left behind, a basket of extra chargers and batteries for their various electronic devices, and a smattering of strange paraphernalia from all of them.
In one corner of the uppermost shelf, there is now a small figure of Jun’s Kaibutsu-kun character. Next to it is a blue knitted cat - the eyes are shiny brown buttons, and the mouth is a little crooked, giving it a self-satisfied look, like it knows more that one would think it does.
When Sho first sees the new additions, his smile resembles the cat’s. Nino just grins, before he scowls and demands his own figure from Ohno. Aiba takes a long look at it, and comments that somehow, it feels like home.
Jun’s hand reaches for Ohno’s, and doesn’t pull away this time. He no longer has a stuffed cat, but he has something better.
~ the end ~
Marineko's Notes:
5. I was going to post this on Oh-chan's birthday, but didn't finish it in time. Still, happy birthday, fishing Leader!