Mike seems unfinished.. a little asymmetrical. Probably because you ended with a "both" stanza. I see how that works, with the camera thing... but I feel like its less honest than the first section.
Putting it in one poem like that, a continuation... seems to keep the focus off of one or the other. It's about the speaker more. Is that what you intended?
I think the first line of III is startling, because most of the poem is in third person. You only have about three lines in first person. Purposeful?
Not that you asked for critique. Just my offering.
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Putting it in one poem like that, a continuation... seems to keep the focus off of one or the other. It's about the speaker more. Is that what you intended?
I think the first line of III is startling, because most of the poem is in third person. You only have about three lines in first person. Purposeful?
Not that you asked for critique. Just my offering.
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