The River Flows Through You
fem!baekhyun/fem!luhan | romance, geisha!au | femslash | pg-13 | 3.3k
She assembles her philosophies from pieces of broken memories.
The lights are dimmed, black shadows bending over unfamiliar faces, morphing everything into monochrome shades of grey. It is dark, but Lu Han’s face is still white, make up reflecting the slivers of candlelight seeping throughout the room, red lips holding the fire that lights the glint in her eyes.
Midnight has come and gone, and the men around her are all drunk off of sake, their breath smelling like alcohol, cheap mints, and lechery. Lu Han smiles politely as the Master of Coin from another region leans into her, resting his hand on her wrist so that she can’t push him away.
Geishas sell their skills, not their body, her older sister’s voice echoes through her head, pounding into her ears, and Lu Han slips her hand away from his hold.
Not that she would have slept with him anyway. She is the most desired woman in all of Japan, with the foreign air that surrounds her and the way her black hair shines like the coal black of her irises. She could stop a man on the street with just one bat of her eyelashes. Men from all over love her wide eyes, the accent on her tongue, even the fragility of her fingers as she holds her fans up to dance.
They love her beauty- they love Lu Han. And nobody wants a plum that has already been bitten from.
The Master of Coin leans into her harder, and Lu Han maneuvers around him to pour more sake. He leans into Zitao next, but she stands a head taller than him with brooding, narrowed eyes, and he doesn’t try to rest his hand on her thigh.
The Hand of the Emperor sits on the other side of the room, laughing and sipping from his cup, and Lu Han makes sure not to look him in the eyes when he glances her way. “Come here,” he commands almost immediately, his voice loud and clear over the roar of voices in the room. He waves at her, his cheeks pink.
Lu Han bows to the Master of Coin, standing up from where she was bent on her knees, and walks over with short steps. Her kimono is tight, the thin purple lace on her chest keeping her from breathing properly, but she keeps her walk as graceful as ever and curls her toes inward.
“You too,” the Hand calls to someone opposite of her, “you come here.”
Lu Han turns to watch the person he called to from underneath midnight lashes. It is another geisha, someone she hasn’t seen in any okiya before, but with a walk just as delicate as hers, hair just as lustrous, and fingers even more dainty that lay flat against her lap, the sleeves falling over her bony wrists.
“What are your names?” the man asks. His voice is rough, tummy bloated with sake, and his legs crossed over a bamboo mat with other men at his side that talk amongst themselves.
“Lu Han,” she greets first, bowing her head in courtsey.
“Baekhyun,” the other girl says, and Lu Han turns her head at the unfamiliar sounding name.
Lu Han scrutinizes the new geisha. She obviously isn’t Japanese, by her name or by her appearance, and her face is round and her eyes lidded heavily. Her lips are thin, tinted a blood red, just like the rest of them, and her kimono is tight around a lithe body. For a second, Lu Han’s stomach lurches at the thought of having competition- someone just as different, as exotic, as beautiful. But then Baekhyun is turning to look at her, and Lu Han sees the innocence held in brown irises, and Baekhyun smiles at her.
Something about Baekhyun reminds Lu Han of water. She doesn’t know if it is the blue pin she has in her hair, or the way the air around her moves with power. Maybe it is the way the light seems to shine through her, reflecting off of opaque pupils, and the way it seems as if she could cut through the core of the earth with a whisper.
They bow to each other next, Lu Han’s eyes transfixed on the pull of lace over thin shoulders before they stand up properly again. They sit down next to the Hand, thighs close but not touching, and even as the Hand spits out stories of his time in office, she finds it more interesting to watch the words play out across the other geisha’s features in short, excited bursts of reactions.
This is the first time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
Lu Han disrobes from another day of entertaining Barons and drinking tea while the rest sipped on sake. Her hair sits heavy on her head, the pins pulling at her scalp as she tugs them out, and her kimono leaves red impressions on her skin. She stares at them in the mirror, the way they temporarily scar her skin, the way they give color to her alabaster flesh, making her skin ridge like the dips of her spine. She dresses in casual robes before stepping out of her room and sliding the thin door shut behind her.
The okiya’s walls aren’t very high here, and the gate remains open for the other geishas coming in and out. Most girls leave through the front gate on a carriage, the street visible from the rooms that border the courtyard. Lu Han’s room is the largest, plotted right beside the gate; right beside freedom.
Most of the others don’t like Lu Han. They grew up in Japan, watching the flowing silk gowns of older geishas with dreams to become one of them one day. They spent years training, and disciplining themselves to be the best, to be what every man desires. When Lu Han came, it took her only months to become better than they would ever be.
Lu Han rolls her eyes at the thought, stepping out of her room to wash her robes. She doesn’t like having her apprentice do it- her older sister always told her to take care of her own things. It is the only way to ensure to that nothing goes wrong.
Walking out into the courtyard, she fills a bucket with soap and water and grabs a washboard from the maid’s cabinet.
Most of her kimonos are made of red silk with golden orchids and cherry blossoms embroidered on them. They are delicate and extremely expensive, and Lu Han makes sure to drop lavender into the water for the men to enjoy before starting to scrub them. It is not hard, but Lu Han’s arms still ache as she gets to her inner robes, rubbing them against the wash board and-
“Lu Han!”
Lu Han whips her head up at the call of her name from an unfamiliar voice. Baekhyun stands by the entrance of the okiya, her face covered in makeup and a different kimono from the other night covering her. Lu Han regrettably thinks she looks beautiful standing by the cherry blossom tree, covered in a blanket of evening light that stains her silk robes.
“Baekhyun,” Lu Han greets politely. She dries her hands on an extra rag, then stands up and meets Baekhyun at the gate.
“How are you?” Baekhyun asks. Her carriage sits on the road, but the man that hauls the coach isn’t looking towards them.
“I have been well,” she replies, and self-doubt seeps into the marrow of her bones when she remembers that she isn’t in proper attire to be meeting with another geisha. “What about you?”
It has been a couple weeks since they’ve seen each other, but Baekhyun still looks just as innocent. The brown of her irises swirl like the torrents of the sea.
“I have also been well.” Baekhyun grins. “I just wanted to say that it was lovely meeting you the other day. I have heard so much about you.”
“It was nice to meet you too,” Lu Han says, and she can’t say that she’s lying.
Baekhyun has been a lingering thought since that day. It was like being doused in cold water, and Lu Han feels the cold pricks of water against her skin every time she swallows down Baekhyun’s name.
“We should get together for tea sometime,” Baekhyun continues, and Lu Han quickly nods with the most genuine smile she’s had for a long time. The thought of sitting down with Baekhyun makes her heart almost jump out of her throat. “Good, then. I will send someone over with an invitation.” She moves to leave, turning around with her hands still placed on her lap, but at the last second she glances back, and Lu Han watches the curve of her jaw as she does. “And by the way, Lu Han, you look much more beautiful when you smile. Please do it more often.”
And then she walks away, climbing back into the carriage, and Lu Han watches her go with a blush suffusing over her cheeks.
“Who was that?” Zitao calls suddenly from her room, the door slightly ajar so that she can see where Lu Han is standing.
“Nobody,” Lu Han answers, a sigh leaving her lungs at the end of her sentence. She walks back to the bucket of laundry, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
“You better not be getting into trouble,” Zitao commands as she stuffs an apple into her mouth, and Lu Han smiles.
“No,” she says, “no trouble at all.”
This is the second time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
They have tea on a Thursday evening as the sun rides low in the sky and the ponds reflect its beauty. Lu Han sits across from Baekhyun on a wooden platform in the garden, the air cool against their skin, and she watches the specks of light held in Baekhyun’s pupils with no discretion at all.
“I’ve never seen an okiya like this,” Lu Han starts off shakily as Baekhyun pours the tea, looking around the vast garden. There are hundreds of trees and flowers with a brown fence bordering it all, and Lu Han thinks it is the most beautiful scenery she has ever encountered.
“Oh, this is not an okiya,” Baekhyun smiles at her. “My danna pays for me to live here.”
“You already have a danna?” Lu Han raises her eyebrows. A spike of jealousy shoots through her; no one has asked to be her danna yet, and she’s been working for years now.
“He followed me from Korea,” she replies, embarrassed, and Lu Han finds that she quite likes the pink that colors her cheeks as opposed to that of the men she entertains. It reminds her of the cherry blossoms that she watched with her sister as a child.
Lu Han looks away before Baekhyun notices her staring and glances towards the Oak trees on the far side of the garden. They pale in comparison to the genteel woman in front of her. “Are you from the North or the South?”
“The South.” Baekhyun sips her tea, looking up at Lu Han through midnight lashes that curl around the circumference of the Moon. “Where in China are you from?”
“Haidian, Beijing,” she answers without hesitation. “How did you know I am from China?”
Baekhyun looks down, her cheeks turning that pretty shade of cherry blossom red and lips curling into abashment. “I may have asked around about you,” she eventually confesses, and Lu Han’s heart stutters, beating against the cage of her ribs.
“You may have?”
“Alright, I did.” Baekhyun pouts, and for the first time Lu Han notices the mole dotted over her lip. “I was curious about you.”
“And why were you curious?” Lu Han asks softly, too softly, not taking her eyes off Baekhyun.
“Because I’ve met a lot of geishas,” Baekhyun speaks in low tones, hunching forward to lean closer to Lu Han, “and I’ve never seen someone that had elegance infused in the air around them like you do.”
Lu Han stares hard at Baekhyun’s mouth as she says this, her lungs stilled while the Autumn air crowds all around her at once. The light is shining perfectly on Baekhyun’s white skin, and it glimmers around her like she is a body of water, and it reminds her of the river she would swim through in Beijing.
This is the third time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
Zitao’s eyes are narrowed and her thin lips pursed. Lu Han ignores her, walking around her room like Zitao isn’t sulking in the corner and stores away her kimono. “What do you want?” she asks with exasperation when Zitao sighs for the fifth time in a row.
“Where were you again today?” Zitao demands, slamming her stuffed animal down on the ground. She has had it since she was a child, and when she was sold to be a geisha, it was the only thing she had left from her hometown.
“I went for tea with Baekhyun,” Lu Han cuts her eyes at her, daring her to say something.
“Again?” She gapes, and Lu Han turns back to her cupboard.
“Yes, again.”
“You know that she’s the competition, right?”
“No she isn’t, Tao. We are Chinese, and she is Korean. There is no competition there,” Lu Han tells her, crouching down in front of her. She lifts her hand to Zitao’s face, cupping her cheek and brushing her thumb over the dark ring that lines her eye. “She and I are friends. There is no competition between friends.”
And her sister’s words echo in her head, you have no friends when you are a geisha.
This is the first time Lu Han doubts her sister.
//
Lu Han’s life becomes speckled with Baekhyun in a short amount of time. Her skin stains with raindrops of Baekhyun’s words, the tips of her hair wet with each brush of skin, and Lu Han decides to let herself drown.
She drowns so that she doesn’t have to think about her sister or her words or all of the doubt perched right under her chin.
//
The lights of the dojo slap Lu Han in the face when she arrives. The men are already on the matted floor with their swords, gracefully slipping into their choreography, and Lu Han bows slightly to them before scurrying to the Hand. He had specifically requested for her to accompany him tonight, and there was no way she could refuse. The Hand had been so kind as to buy her several kimonos made with silk from her hometown.
Lu Han smiles when she sees Baekhyun sitting with the Master of Coin, at a table right beside the Hand’s, but the meaty hand on her thigh makes her frown and she quickly covers her mouth with her fan. It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
“Lu Han!” the Hand sings happily to her, motioning her to sit on a pillow next to him. There is a large smile on his face, and Lu Han thinks it’s mainly due to the start of the show more than her. “I’m so glad you have arrived.”
“I am so sorry I am late.” Lu Han bows towards him, falling to her knees and immediately pouring more tea for him.
“No, no!” the Hand slaps her away from the kettle. Lu Han flinches away, and she can see Baekhyun watching them from the corner of her eye. “Get the sake, not this damn tea.”
“Yes, sir.” She smiles as politely as she can with anxiety brewing in her gut and tears of embarrassment welling in her eyes.
Lu Han scurries out of the main hall as fast as she can without stepping out of her graceful flow. The path to the kitchen is dim and narrow, barely enough room for maids to carry trays back and forth. There is no one there, though, so Lu Han lets her arm slide against the walls, momentarily throwing away all the manners she’s learned.
“Lu Han!” she hears from a ways back, but she can’t bring herself to look, not after she was shamed like that. “Lu Han!” Baekhyun calls again, louder this time. The music from the performance is beating through the thin walls, pounding against Lu Han’s body in sync with her heart. Baekhyun’s hand wraps around her upper arm, and she feels the younger’s body heat soak through the fabric of her kimono. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”
Lu Han doesn’t raise her head when Baekhyun speaks to her-- mascara smeared and white powder blotched, she knows it isn’t right that she let the other geisha see her.
“Are you okay?” Baekhyun’s hand around her arm tightens, fingers digging into fine silks, and Lu Han can feel herself breaking.
It is when Baekhyun tugs her, pulling her in towards the younger girl that she allows herself to fall apart. She buries her head in Baekhyun’s chest, ignoring the fact that there will be makeup staining her kimono when she pulls back, then wraps her arms around Baekhyun’s waist and pulls her closer.
Baekhyun whispers soothing words in Lu Han’s ear, telling her that it’s going to be okay, everything will be alright, not everyone can be strong forever, and Lu Han wonders how she knows. How does she know this isn’t just about the Hand slapping her away? How does she know how hard it is being the most prized geisha in Japan?
And Lu Han knows she doesn’t- but for her, Baekhyun will try.
Baekhyun’s fingers lay over the back of her neck, playing with the baby hairs not long enough to be pinned into her broach, and Lu Han sobs harder. Through her own screams resonating through her head she hears the words of her sister:
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
Love is not for a geisha.
Lu Han thinks she doesn’t want to cut herself on broken pieces of philosophies anymore.
It only takes a few minutes to calm down, for her tears to dry and leave their mark through her makeup, and for her cheeks to turn a bright shade of red when she finally stands up straight. “I-I’m sorry,” Lu Han stutters, but her arms stay circled around Baekhyun’s waist. She doesn’t want to pull back. “I don’t know-”
Lu Han stops abruptly when she feels something warm and soft pressing against her mouth. When she glances up she sees Baekhyun, eyes closed, blue eyeshadow popping against the white of her skin. She doesn’t relent in the kiss, even in the few seconds that Lu Han doesn’t reciprocate, but soon she’s melting into Baekhyun’s arms, closing her eyes just as Baekhyun has, and takes Baekhyun’s upper lip between hers.
“I think I love you,” Lu Han confesses, somewhere between Baekhyun licking into her mouth and the younger’s hand pressing the small of her back.
Love is not for a geisha.
“I think I love you too,” Baekhyun murmurs in reply, letting her lips brush Lu Han’s before pulling back.
They both stare at each other for a few seconds, eyes swirling with disbelief because they were always told that love never came to geishas. It never came to those who synthesized joy for other people. Yet here they are.
She doesn’t listen to her sister’s old philosophies anymore.
This is the last time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun- the last time she needs to.
She assembles her philosophies from pieces of broken memories.
The lights are dimmed, black shadows bending over unfamiliar faces, morphing everything into monochrome shades of grey. It is dark, but Lu Han’s face is still white, make up reflecting the slivers of candlelight seeping throughout the room, red lips holding the fire that lights the glint in her eyes.
Midnight has come and gone, and the men around her are all drunk off of sake, their breath smelling like alcohol, cheap mints, and lechery. Lu Han smiles politely as the Master of Coin from another region leans into her, resting his hand on her wrist so that she can’t push him away.
Geishas sell their skills, not their body, her older sister’s voice echoes through her head, pounding into her ears, and Lu Han slips her hand away from his hold.
Not that she would have slept with him anyway. She is the most desired woman in all of Japan, with the foreign air that surrounds her and the way her black hair shines like the coal black of her irises. She could stop a man on the street with just one bat of her eyelashes. Men from all over love her wide eyes, the accent on her tongue, even the fragility of her fingers as she holds her fans up to dance.
They love her beauty- they love Lu Han. And nobody wants a plum that has already been bitten from.
The Master of Coin leans into her harder, and Lu Han maneuvers around him to pour more sake. He leans into Zitao next, but she stands a head taller than him with brooding, narrowed eyes, and he doesn’t try to rest his hand on her thigh.
The Hand of the Emperor sits on the other side of the room, laughing and sipping from his cup, and Lu Han makes sure not to look him in the eyes when he glances her way. “Come here,” he commands almost immediately, his voice loud and clear over the roar of voices in the room. He waves at her, his cheeks pink.
Lu Han bows to the Master of Coin, standing up from where she was bent on her knees, and walks over with short steps. Her kimono is tight, the thin purple lace on her chest keeping her from breathing properly, but she keeps her walk as graceful as ever and curls her toes inward.
“You too,” the Hand calls to someone opposite of her, “you come here.”
Lu Han turns to watch the person he called to from underneath midnight lashes. It is another geisha, someone she hasn’t seen in any okiya before, but with a walk just as delicate as hers, hair just as lustrous, and fingers even more dainty that lay flat against her lap, the sleeves falling over her bony wrists.
“What are your names?” the man asks. His voice is rough, tummy bloated with sake, and his legs crossed over a bamboo mat with other men at his side that talk amongst themselves.
“Lu Han,” she greets first, bowing her head in courtsey.
“Baekhyun,” the other girl says, and Lu Han turns her head at the unfamiliar sounding name.
Lu Han scrutinizes the new geisha. She obviously isn’t Japanese, by her name or by her appearance, and her face is round and her eyes lidded heavily. Her lips are thin, tinted a blood red, just like the rest of them, and her kimono is tight around a lithe body. For a second, Lu Han’s stomach lurches at the thought of having competition- someone just as different, as exotic, as beautiful. But then Baekhyun is turning to look at her, and Lu Han sees the innocence held in brown irises, and Baekhyun smiles at her.
Something about Baekhyun reminds Lu Han of water. She doesn’t know if it is the blue pin she has in her hair, or the way the air around her moves with power. Maybe it is the way the light seems to shine through her, reflecting off of opaque pupils, and the way it seems as if she could cut through the core of the earth with a whisper.
They bow to each other next, Lu Han’s eyes transfixed on the pull of lace over thin shoulders before they stand up properly again. They sit down next to the Hand, thighs close but not touching, and even as the Hand spits out stories of his time in office, she finds it more interesting to watch the words play out across the other geisha’s features in short, excited bursts of reactions.
This is the first time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
Lu Han disrobes from another day of entertaining Barons and drinking tea while the rest sipped on sake. Her hair sits heavy on her head, the pins pulling at her scalp as she tugs them out, and her kimono leaves red impressions on her skin. She stares at them in the mirror, the way they temporarily scar her skin, the way they give color to her alabaster flesh, making her skin ridge like the dips of her spine. She dresses in casual robes before stepping out of her room and sliding the thin door shut behind her.
The okiya’s walls aren’t very high here, and the gate remains open for the other geishas coming in and out. Most girls leave through the front gate on a carriage, the street visible from the rooms that border the courtyard. Lu Han’s room is the largest, plotted right beside the gate; right beside freedom.
Most of the others don’t like Lu Han. They grew up in Japan, watching the flowing silk gowns of older geishas with dreams to become one of them one day. They spent years training, and disciplining themselves to be the best, to be what every man desires. When Lu Han came, it took her only months to become better than they would ever be.
Lu Han rolls her eyes at the thought, stepping out of her room to wash her robes. She doesn’t like having her apprentice do it- her older sister always told her to take care of her own things. It is the only way to ensure to that nothing goes wrong.
Walking out into the courtyard, she fills a bucket with soap and water and grabs a washboard from the maid’s cabinet.
Most of her kimonos are made of red silk with golden orchids and cherry blossoms embroidered on them. They are delicate and extremely expensive, and Lu Han makes sure to drop lavender into the water for the men to enjoy before starting to scrub them. It is not hard, but Lu Han’s arms still ache as she gets to her inner robes, rubbing them against the wash board and-
“Lu Han!”
Lu Han whips her head up at the call of her name from an unfamiliar voice. Baekhyun stands by the entrance of the okiya, her face covered in makeup and a different kimono from the other night covering her. Lu Han regrettably thinks she looks beautiful standing by the cherry blossom tree, covered in a blanket of evening light that stains her silk robes.
“Baekhyun,” Lu Han greets politely. She dries her hands on an extra rag, then stands up and meets Baekhyun at the gate.
“How are you?” Baekhyun asks. Her carriage sits on the road, but the man that hauls the coach isn’t looking towards them.
“I have been well,” she replies, and self-doubt seeps into the marrow of her bones when she remembers that she isn’t in proper attire to be meeting with another geisha. “What about you?”
It has been a couple weeks since they’ve seen each other, but Baekhyun still looks just as innocent. The brown of her irises swirl like the torrents of the sea.
“I have also been well.” Baekhyun grins. “I just wanted to say that it was lovely meeting you the other day. I have heard so much about you.”
“It was nice to meet you too,” Lu Han says, and she can’t say that she’s lying.
Baekhyun has been a lingering thought since that day. It was like being doused in cold water, and Lu Han feels the cold pricks of water against her skin every time she swallows down Baekhyun’s name.
“We should get together for tea sometime,” Baekhyun continues, and Lu Han quickly nods with the most genuine smile she’s had for a long time. The thought of sitting down with Baekhyun makes her heart almost jump out of her throat. “Good, then. I will send someone over with an invitation.” She moves to leave, turning around with her hands still placed on her lap, but at the last second she glances back, and Lu Han watches the curve of her jaw as she does. “And by the way, Lu Han, you look much more beautiful when you smile. Please do it more often.”
And then she walks away, climbing back into the carriage, and Lu Han watches her go with a blush suffusing over her cheeks.
“Who was that?” Zitao calls suddenly from her room, the door slightly ajar so that she can see where Lu Han is standing.
“Nobody,” Lu Han answers, a sigh leaving her lungs at the end of her sentence. She walks back to the bucket of laundry, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth.
“You better not be getting into trouble,” Zitao commands as she stuffs an apple into her mouth, and Lu Han smiles.
“No,” she says, “no trouble at all.”
This is the second time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
They have tea on a Thursday evening as the sun rides low in the sky and the ponds reflect its beauty. Lu Han sits across from Baekhyun on a wooden platform in the garden, the air cool against their skin, and she watches the specks of light held in Baekhyun’s pupils with no discretion at all.
“I’ve never seen an okiya like this,” Lu Han starts off shakily as Baekhyun pours the tea, looking around the vast garden. There are hundreds of trees and flowers with a brown fence bordering it all, and Lu Han thinks it is the most beautiful scenery she has ever encountered.
“Oh, this is not an okiya,” Baekhyun smiles at her. “My danna pays for me to live here.”
“You already have a danna?” Lu Han raises her eyebrows. A spike of jealousy shoots through her; no one has asked to be her danna yet, and she’s been working for years now.
“He followed me from Korea,” she replies, embarrassed, and Lu Han finds that she quite likes the pink that colors her cheeks as opposed to that of the men she entertains. It reminds her of the cherry blossoms that she watched with her sister as a child.
Lu Han looks away before Baekhyun notices her staring and glances towards the Oak trees on the far side of the garden. They pale in comparison to the genteel woman in front of her. “Are you from the North or the South?”
“The South.” Baekhyun sips her tea, looking up at Lu Han through midnight lashes that curl around the circumference of the Moon. “Where in China are you from?”
“Haidian, Beijing,” she answers without hesitation. “How did you know I am from China?”
Baekhyun looks down, her cheeks turning that pretty shade of cherry blossom red and lips curling into abashment. “I may have asked around about you,” she eventually confesses, and Lu Han’s heart stutters, beating against the cage of her ribs.
“You may have?”
“Alright, I did.” Baekhyun pouts, and for the first time Lu Han notices the mole dotted over her lip. “I was curious about you.”
“And why were you curious?” Lu Han asks softly, too softly, not taking her eyes off Baekhyun.
“Because I’ve met a lot of geishas,” Baekhyun speaks in low tones, hunching forward to lean closer to Lu Han, “and I’ve never seen someone that had elegance infused in the air around them like you do.”
Lu Han stares hard at Baekhyun’s mouth as she says this, her lungs stilled while the Autumn air crowds all around her at once. The light is shining perfectly on Baekhyun’s white skin, and it glimmers around her like she is a body of water, and it reminds her of the river she would swim through in Beijing.
This is the third time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun.
//
Zitao’s eyes are narrowed and her thin lips pursed. Lu Han ignores her, walking around her room like Zitao isn’t sulking in the corner and stores away her kimono. “What do you want?” she asks with exasperation when Zitao sighs for the fifth time in a row.
“Where were you again today?” Zitao demands, slamming her stuffed animal down on the ground. She has had it since she was a child, and when she was sold to be a geisha, it was the only thing she had left from her hometown.
“I went for tea with Baekhyun,” Lu Han cuts her eyes at her, daring her to say something.
“Again?” She gapes, and Lu Han turns back to her cupboard.
“Yes, again.”
“You know that she’s the competition, right?”
“No she isn’t, Tao. We are Chinese, and she is Korean. There is no competition there,” Lu Han tells her, crouching down in front of her. She lifts her hand to Zitao’s face, cupping her cheek and brushing her thumb over the dark ring that lines her eye. “She and I are friends. There is no competition between friends.”
And her sister’s words echo in her head, you have no friends when you are a geisha.
This is the first time Lu Han doubts her sister.
//
Lu Han’s life becomes speckled with Baekhyun in a short amount of time. Her skin stains with raindrops of Baekhyun’s words, the tips of her hair wet with each brush of skin, and Lu Han decides to let herself drown.
She drowns so that she doesn’t have to think about her sister or her words or all of the doubt perched right under her chin.
//
The lights of the dojo slap Lu Han in the face when she arrives. The men are already on the matted floor with their swords, gracefully slipping into their choreography, and Lu Han bows slightly to them before scurrying to the Hand. He had specifically requested for her to accompany him tonight, and there was no way she could refuse. The Hand had been so kind as to buy her several kimonos made with silk from her hometown.
Lu Han smiles when she sees Baekhyun sitting with the Master of Coin, at a table right beside the Hand’s, but the meaty hand on her thigh makes her frown and she quickly covers her mouth with her fan. It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
“Lu Han!” the Hand sings happily to her, motioning her to sit on a pillow next to him. There is a large smile on his face, and Lu Han thinks it’s mainly due to the start of the show more than her. “I’m so glad you have arrived.”
“I am so sorry I am late.” Lu Han bows towards him, falling to her knees and immediately pouring more tea for him.
“No, no!” the Hand slaps her away from the kettle. Lu Han flinches away, and she can see Baekhyun watching them from the corner of her eye. “Get the sake, not this damn tea.”
“Yes, sir.” She smiles as politely as she can with anxiety brewing in her gut and tears of embarrassment welling in her eyes.
Lu Han scurries out of the main hall as fast as she can without stepping out of her graceful flow. The path to the kitchen is dim and narrow, barely enough room for maids to carry trays back and forth. There is no one there, though, so Lu Han lets her arm slide against the walls, momentarily throwing away all the manners she’s learned.
“Lu Han!” she hears from a ways back, but she can’t bring herself to look, not after she was shamed like that. “Lu Han!” Baekhyun calls again, louder this time. The music from the performance is beating through the thin walls, pounding against Lu Han’s body in sync with her heart. Baekhyun’s hand wraps around her upper arm, and she feels the younger’s body heat soak through the fabric of her kimono. “Didn’t you hear me calling you?”
Lu Han doesn’t raise her head when Baekhyun speaks to her-- mascara smeared and white powder blotched, she knows it isn’t right that she let the other geisha see her.
“Are you okay?” Baekhyun’s hand around her arm tightens, fingers digging into fine silks, and Lu Han can feel herself breaking.
It is when Baekhyun tugs her, pulling her in towards the younger girl that she allows herself to fall apart. She buries her head in Baekhyun’s chest, ignoring the fact that there will be makeup staining her kimono when she pulls back, then wraps her arms around Baekhyun’s waist and pulls her closer.
Baekhyun whispers soothing words in Lu Han’s ear, telling her that it’s going to be okay, everything will be alright, not everyone can be strong forever, and Lu Han wonders how she knows. How does she know this isn’t just about the Hand slapping her away? How does she know how hard it is being the most prized geisha in Japan?
And Lu Han knows she doesn’t- but for her, Baekhyun will try.
Baekhyun’s fingers lay over the back of her neck, playing with the baby hairs not long enough to be pinned into her broach, and Lu Han sobs harder. Through her own screams resonating through her head she hears the words of her sister:
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
It is inappropriate to show any emotion other than delight as a geisha.
Love is not for a geisha.
Lu Han thinks she doesn’t want to cut herself on broken pieces of philosophies anymore.
It only takes a few minutes to calm down, for her tears to dry and leave their mark through her makeup, and for her cheeks to turn a bright shade of red when she finally stands up straight. “I-I’m sorry,” Lu Han stutters, but her arms stay circled around Baekhyun’s waist. She doesn’t want to pull back. “I don’t know-”
Lu Han stops abruptly when she feels something warm and soft pressing against her mouth. When she glances up she sees Baekhyun, eyes closed, blue eyeshadow popping against the white of her skin. She doesn’t relent in the kiss, even in the few seconds that Lu Han doesn’t reciprocate, but soon she’s melting into Baekhyun’s arms, closing her eyes just as Baekhyun has, and takes Baekhyun’s upper lip between hers.
“I think I love you,” Lu Han confesses, somewhere between Baekhyun licking into her mouth and the younger’s hand pressing the small of her back.
Love is not for a geisha.
“I think I love you too,” Baekhyun murmurs in reply, letting her lips brush Lu Han’s before pulling back.
They both stare at each other for a few seconds, eyes swirling with disbelief because they were always told that love never came to geishas. It never came to those who synthesized joy for other people. Yet here they are.
She doesn’t listen to her sister’s old philosophies anymore.
This is the last time Lu Han falls in love with Baekhyun- the last time she needs to.