[F06] WONDERING WHERE YOU ARE
Prompt Code: F06
Title: wondering where you are
Rating: PG-13 (slight NC-17)
Side Pairings (if any): Chanyeol/Yixing
Warnings: None
Word Count: 3,725
Summary: Kyungsoo has a crush on Jongin, he stalks Jongin until they established a ‘relationship’. Does Jongin like him back or will Kyungsoo just keep on chasing him?
AN: dear prompter, thank you for the nice prompt! I’m sorry if this looked rushed >< but I hope you still like it!
“This isn’t an obsession… right?” Kyungsoo asks himself as he peeks over the corner to watch Jongin walking home with his friends.
-
Do Kyungsoo, is that one person in class who never speaks to anyone except when he’s spoken to. The boy himself never bothered to make friends that would probably stick their nose in his business, they’d probably think he’s crazy for following some dream boy. On top of that, he’s gay and everyone might start hating him. So, he always pushes aside the need to make friends because it’s not worth the risk.
He first saw Jongin in 6th grade. Jongin has long hair up to his chin and Kyungsoo might have thought of playing with that hair also bury his nose in it because Jongin definitely smelled like a fruit.
The Jongin now, after 4 years, is a very handsome teenager. He lost the long hair and has his hair slightly gelled up, it didn’t lost that natural color at all. Nor the smell.
One of the middle school days, Kyungsoo unconsciously trailed behind Jongin and his friends, namely Sehun and Soojung. He stops outside and thinks, “Am I that bored?”
-
Kyungsoo starts to ‘follow’ (not stalking) Jongin out of the school, he listens very clearly to the gossips about Jongin, he knows Jongin’s schedule by heart and even follows him to the bathroom, pretending not to stare.
He’s content, as long as he sees Jongin. Kyungsoo joins the photography club just to make him look like he’s not following Jongin, pretending to take a picture of their hallway when he’s only focused on Jongin’s side face.
-
Kyungsoo likes how Jongin’s hair messes up a little when the wind blows too hard then Jongin runs his hand through his hair, holding it in place.
One time, he stared at Jongin from afar and just a simple look in his direction made him grip hard on his camera when there’s a faint surge of affection washing over him. Kyungsoo couldn’t help blushing and turning around, leaving Jongin for once.
That night, Kyungsoo stayed wide awake, even though he did his daily run at night and screamed with his arms open, he can’t fall asleep.
And so, he wrote his thoughts in one of the leather notebooks that his brother bargained from somewhere. He can’t calm his breathing, kind of panting as his hand shook and his handwriting messed up. Kyungsoo jumped back to his bed, settling on his front.
His last thoughts caught up before he can finally fall asleep.
It’s been years since he started the stalking. Is it really enough?
-
In their last year in middle school, Kyungsoo followed Jongin outside the school and Jongin’s alone for the first time. He takes in a deep breath and catches up with Jongin, “H-hey…”
Jongin perked up and looked at him, “Oh, hi.”
“Uh, you seem like you’re alone and I’m also headed this way.” he lies
“Yeah…”
It wasn’t the usual Jongin that he knows, Jongin is smiley and his laugh is ridiculous. Kyungsoo’s a bit thrown off and shocked.
“I’m sorry, my name’s Kyungsoo.”
“Jongin, but you probably know because I’ve known you since 6th grade.”
Kyungsoo flushes to the core, looking straight forward, “Yeah…”
It was pure silence for minutes until Kyungsoo can’t keep his mouth shut anymore, “Where’s your friends?”
“They had some club activity stuff.”
More silence.
Kyungsoo is a bit frustrated and sad because of how sad Jongin sounds. He doesn’t like how things are going. What happened?
“Well, this is me. Thanks Kyungsoo.”
Jongin turns his back on him but Kyungsoo grabbed his bag, making him stop walking.
“Jongin, I like you.”
Kyungsoo removes his hand from the bag and blushes, he turns back and starts walking away. He’s pretty stupid, feels stupid.
“Hey Kyungsoo,” he stops and looks over his shoulder “Do you want to come in? Mom’s probably preparing dinner already.”
Who is Kyungsoo to decline?
-
Jongin got his looks from his mother, Mrs. Kim is truly genuine and happy to see that Jongin bought a friend.
“Take Kyungsoo to your room while I make dinner, okay?” she beams
Kyungsoo just confessed and now he’s going to Jongin’s room? His dreams are slowly coming true in just a day. He sits on Jongin’s bed while the other excused himself to the bathroom.
Kyungsoo buries his face on Jongin’s pillow and his noses were filled with the same fruit scent, he whimpers and pulls away before he hears the click from the bathroom door. Then he feels himself go brave.
“Did something happen between you and your friends?”
Jongin smiles, with a hint of sadness, and lays down on the bed. His knee bumping Kyungsoo’s because of his spread legs.
“Yeah. Sort of complicated. Kind of my fault.” he looks at Jongin but the latter has his arm over his eyes “No one knows this but… I used to date Soojung. I drove her away after cheating on her with Sehun…”
Kyungsoo bites his lower lip, a gasp almost escaping his lips. Soojung then Sehun, what is wrong with Jongin?
“I didn’t actually cheat. Sehun just wanted reassurance because he’s - oh. Um. Sorry.” Jongin lifts his arm, peeking under “I just came out to you and told you that Sehun’s the same.”
“It’s no big deal… Maybe it is to others but to me it’s not because you know.”
“That makes me feel better.”
“You’re welcome.”
Kyungsoo didn’t have the time to react when Jongin pulled his arm and kisses him. He internally screams, he’s almost chest to chest with Jongin and there is an insistent tongue prodding between his lips. It was very clumsy and this is Kyungsoo’s very first kiss with his first crush too.
Jongin pulls back, and whispers between their lips, “Sorry. Is this okay?”
He nods and attaches their lips again, whimpering when he feels arms pull him on top of Jongin. Kyungsoo’s hands are gripping his shoulders, he can feel Jongin’s breathing and the thudding of their mixed heartbeats.
Jongin’s hands are creeping up his uniform when there’s a knock on the door. Kyungsoo throws himself on the floor and picked up a figurine lying around, pretending to play with it.
“Dinner’s ready.” Mrs. Kim looks at the two of them with a smile and leaves the door open for them to follow
Kyungsoo stands up with shaky legs and waits for Jongin to go first but Jongin sends him a long stare before walking out.
-
Mrs. Kim gets to relax on the living room while Jongin and Kyungsoo are washing the dishes. Kyungsoo’s skin crawl whenever Jongin bumps into him, the plate on his hand almost slipped when Jongin puts a hand on his waist.
Kyungsoo washes the dishes as fast as he can so Jongin would be busy wiping, it’s not that he doesn’t like it but Mrs. Kim might come in any moment.
It was nine in the evening when Mrs. Kim stopped entertaining Kyungsoo with Jongin’s childhood stories.
“It’s late, isn’t your mother worried?”
“No, she’s always at work but she rarely comes home.”
“Would you like to stay for the night?” she takes Kyungsoo’s hand on hers “Don’t worry about your uniform, Jongin has tons anyway. What do you say?”
A few minutes later, Kyungsoo texts his mother that he’s sleeping over a friend’s and she calls him, telling him to take care of himself and tell Mrs. Kim sorry for the intrusion. Kyungsoo tells her good night and hears his mother pause then said good night with kissing sounds. Mrs. Kim heard it all and coos, making Kyungsoo blush.
He took a quick shower and stares at the clothes hooked on the wall. It’s Jongin’s clothes. Kyungsoo presses his palms on his cheeks and wills himself not to smile. He feels quite little in the clothing, shorts past his knees and shirt just right. He’s also wearing nothing under the shorts though.
The makeshift mattress is already made on the floor and Jongin’s back is facing him. He sits down on the mattress, watching Jongin’s shoulder blades stretch the shirt every time he breathes. Kyungsoo rests his cheek on the bed, closing his eyes and already falling asleep when the bed squeaks. He sat up straight and blinks his eyes to adjust, Jongin’s stare is unwavering.
“Jongin?”
“You said you like me, right?
“Yeah. What about it?”
Kyungsoo doesn’t expect for Jongin to slip down to the mattress and kiss him, it was more desperate than the last time. He whimpers, liking it but it was making Kyungsoo more nervous. Jongin leaves his lips and starts kissing on his neck, Kyungsoo accidentally moans loud, he keeps a hand over his mouth. He’s never let out such a lewd noise in his life and the feeling of Jongin’s lips in his neck is sending shivers down his spine.
“You’ve never done this before, right? Keep quiet and just follow my lead.”
Kyungsoo nods, biting the back of his hand as Jongin’s hands slide under his shirt, Jongin’s shirt. His dick is straining on the shorts and he wants to shy away but he also wants to be touched. Kyungsoo doesn’t have an idea what to do, just feels the heat coiling in his lower stomach.
He almost cries when Jongin lines up his cock with Kyungsoo’s and starts grinding down. Kyungsoo’s legs are holding Jongin tight on the waist, he can feel himself drooling and his hand already hurts from being bitten.
Kyungsoo comes first, just from the friction even if there are two layers of clothing between and Jongin’s panting on his ear. He turns his head and watches Jongin’s face contort in pleasure as he ruts on Kyungsoo’s thigh.
Jongin needs me like how I need him, he can always get his fill from me, Kyungsoo thinks and wraps an arm over Jongin’s neck as his hips stutter.
-
The next day, Jongin avoided him but still talks to him normally. Kyungsoo feels small in Jongin’s blazer, it ends on his knuckles. He’s now allowed to accompany Jongin whenever he can.
People are staring when they’re walking side by side, Jongin has a straight face on with half lidded eyes as if he doesn’t want to see them. Kyungsoo’s hand is gripping too hard on the strap on his messenger bag, he doesn’t like the attention.
He couldn’t take a breath until his classes started and his classmates’ attention is now on the teacher. Kyungsoo heard the girls gossip saying that Kyungsoo is the most silent and now he’s walking beside the dream boy, Jongin.
They’re eating at the back of the school well, Kyungsoo’s eating while sneaking glances at Jongin looks so drained and so bored, not so Jongin.
“Hey,” he squats in front of Jongin “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Are you?”
“Of course.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes glazed over, he’s sad seeing Jongin like this, he wants to see Jongin with a smile on his face. He takes Jongin’s hand, “Do you need anything?”
Jongin sighs but there’s a faint smile on his lips, “Why? You’re acting like we’re a couple and you need to keep me happy.”
“Well! I want to be your b-boyfriend! I know you’re down but I don’t like it. Please don’t frown, stop being sad.” he pleads, blinking away tears “I’d be happy too if you like me back… I just want to be with you.”
“Hey, don’t cry.” Jongin makes Kyungsoo sit on his thighs, thumbing under his eyes “S-sure then. Let’s be what you want us to be.”
Kyungsoo doesn’t know if Jongin’s hesitant but his features doesn’t show it so Kyungsoo thinks of it as a promise, sealing it with a kiss.
-
After a week, the rumors started blowing up that Jongin’s gay and Kyungsoo is probably his lover. It’s scary, Kyungsoo pretends to sleep while he hears everyone in the classroom talk about him. He feels claustrophobic, trapped in a room full of words he didn’t want to hear.
‘Hey, I heard Kyungsoo also had a relationship with one of the seniors.’
‘Is it true? Do Kyungsoo isn’t innocent at all?’
‘A friend told me that he stole someone else’s boyfriend!’
Kyungsoo actually collapsed while he’s answering one of the problems on the board. He wakes up in the infirmary, only hears the shouting from the outside. Tears slowly slip from his closed eyes. Way to go, Kyungsoo, you shouldn’t have walked with Jongin, his inner voice groans.
“Kyungsoo, are you awake?”
He opened his eyes and looks up to see Jongin sit on the bed, Kyungsoo feels his face crumple and then he’s in Jongin’s arms.
“J-Jongin, please.” he sobs, clutching Jongin’s shirt “Don’t leave me.”
“Hey, hey, no. Kyungsoo, I won’t. I already told everyone that I’m freaking gay. The principal called my mother and she’s already on the way. And… I might have punched someone, too.”
Kyungsoo lets go of Jongin, wiping the tears on the back of his hands.
“Why?”
“He insulted me and y’know, someone just had to stand up for everyone.” Jongin rubbed the back of his neck, looking down “I just felt the need to.”
Kyungsoo covers his face in his hands, “Thank you.”
The gossiping stops, a few slurs here and there but no one bothers them too much. Some other people just started to come out, like Baekhyun, the prettiest boy in school but everyone kind of suspected. Sehun’s still quiet, he’s friends with that soccer player Luhan. Soojung’s still the social butterfly, she’s working on the school’s newspaper.
Jongin, he’s still kind of sad with wobbly smiles. Kyungsoo’s here though, always holding him.
-
Kyungsoo likes snuggling close to Jongin, he always leans his head on Jongin’s shoulders while thumbing his lover’s pulse or playing with his fingers. Jongin doesn’t brush him off but Kyungsoo can always feel how tense and uncomfortable he is, it’s unsettling Kyungsoo.
He always doubts that Jongin likes him too, he thinks of it when they’re an arm away from each other. Kyungsoo, of course, couldn’t stop Jongin from having friends again. Then came Chanyeol and Yixing, they both are from the basketball team and Jongin got to play with them.
“Hey Jongin,” he tugs at Jongin’s shirt, making him step back and leave the two chatting.
“Yeah? You okay?”
“Mhm, I want to ask if I could stay over for the night?”
Jongin nods, “Sure.”
Then he catches up with Yixing and Chanyeol, leaving Kyungsoo a step behind. Kyungsoo’s hands are shaking, either cold or he just wants to hug Jongin. He shook his head and just wraps a hand at the hem of Jongin’s shirt. His friends probably noticed him but didn’t say a word.
-
Mrs. Kim’s bright smile welcomed him, she ushered him to the dining room as she asks him a lot of questions. Kyungsoo answers them over dinner, Jongin’s eating quietly, probably listening to them.
“Hey Jongin-ah, you haven’t been giving Kyungsoo some attention! I can see it.” Mrs. Kim frowns, “I’m very much welcome to PDA. You two don’t have to feign ignorance.”
Kyungsoo blushes, nodding before excusing himself to the restroom. He looks at his face in the mirror, there’s light bags under his eyes and still the same. Kyungsoo comes out and overhears Mrs. Kim and Jongin talking.
“Jongin, you’ve been keeping Kyungsoo happy? In all ways?”
“Mom!” he hears Jongin hiss
“What? You’re both old enough for both of that. Do you have a problem with Kyungsoo?”
“No, it’s just… complicated. Just don’t ask again. I’m still not sure about anything.”
“Not sure about what?”
Kyungsoo decides to make his footsteps be heard. Jongin washes the dishes while he chats with Mrs. Kim.
He wears Jongin’s clothes again, shorts didn’t fit him this time so he’s wearing Jongin’s boxers and a very long shirt. The makeshift mattress isn’t there, he goes out and asks Mrs. Kim about it but she just smiles, “Just share a bed with Jongin, darling. Some physical contact can cure a relationship.”
Jongin’s hair is shining as moonlight washes over him when Kyungsoo turned off the light. He lies down, facing Jongin’s back just like the last time he was here. Kyungsoo places his hand gently on Jongin’s waist, listening to him breathe.
“Jongin?” he whispers, he waits for a response but nothing comes so he continues “You haven’t touched me since the last time I came here. Why is that? What are you not sure about?”
He’s ready to just go to sleep when Jongin flips himself over and hovers, staring like he had stared Kyungsoo back then.
“Why? Do you want me to fuck you right here, now?”
His head spins, he isn’t sure what to feel. Kyungsoo’s heart thuds in fear when Jongin pins his wrist and starts biting and sucking on his neck. No, this isn’t what he wants but… this is Jongin.
Jongin stops all together, his hands loose on the wrists, Kyungsoo blinks open his closed eyes and looked up at him.
“Why… did you stop?”
Jongin makes a frustrated noise, “Kyungsoo, why are you like this?”
“Like what?”
“What I was about to do is rape and you don’t even fight me back.” he says it like he’s hurt
“Why?” Kyungsoo’s voice wavers, “Because I want you to be happy. Happy because of me and not Chanyeol or Yixing. I let you do anything to me since that day I talked to you. You never noticed, right?”
Kyungsoo takes his wrists from Jongin’s hold and cries quietly in his hands. He can feel Jongin breathing at the back of his hands as he tries to sober up.
“I’m so sorry.” he hears Jongin groan and then there’s a weight on his stomach “I don’t deserve you, Kyungsoo. I shouldn’t have agreed on being your boyfriend. I’ll let you go -
“No! No, no, no - ” he whispers, taking off his hands from his face and pulls Jongin’s head to his chest “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me even though I forced myself into you, I’m sorry.”
“It makes me feel stupid that I didn’t like you the first time. I mean, you’re like the best person I’ve ever had in my life. Thank you for forcing yourself into my life.” Kyungsoo blushes, threading his fingers on Jongin’s hair. “I’ll give you back more love as an apology.”
“You don’t have to… just getting your attention is enough.”
“Kyungsoo?”
“What?”
Jongin falls asleep.
-
Kyungsoo wakes up with Jongin sleeping on his stomach and the dark stain is probably drool but he’s not bothered by it. He brushes the bangs away from Jongin’s eyes and bites back a smile when he scrunches up his nose.
Jongin sits up and wipes his mouth, rubbing his palms on his face. Kyungsoo felt his heart skip a beat just looking at how Jongin looks sleepy and cuddly. He remembers their talk yesterday and he knows there’s more things to talk about but he just latches himself on Jongin’s side.
“’M glad it’s the weekend.” Jongin mumbles, lying down with Kyungsoo and wraps his arms around the pliant body “Let’s sleep more.”
“Okay.” Kyungsoo snuggles close to him, closing his eyes.
-
They started to hold hands and even the subtle of brushing hands while walking together. Chanyeol and Yixing warmed up to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo started to open up more to them. Chanyeol likes to tease them when they start being too immersed at each other and Jongin actually flushes in embarrassment while Yixing would just laugh.
Chanyeol once gave the ball to Kyungsoo and tells him to try, he did and it went in the net. It was pure luck but everyone was shocked and then they were laughing at how nice it was to see Kyungsoo move around. Yixing had treat them all ice cream afterwards, his own cup was eaten by Chanyeol too and Kyungsoo thinks that they’re really good friends. Jongin tells him otherwise, saying that Yixing has probably the biggest crush on Chanyeol.
They would lounge in the Kim’s living room to watch a movie, Chanyeol would take the floor, Yixing on the loveseat, Kyungsoo and Jongin on the couch while Mrs. Kim’s on the kitchen and doing some paperwork. They kiss publicly now, Jongin would start by leaning his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder and kiss his knuckles. Then Kyungsoo would lean down and press a kiss on Jongin’s lips.
“Hey kids! No dirty work while I’m in the kitchen!”
Yixing and Chanyeol would chuckle and then go back to the movie. But Jongin still bothers Kyungsoo until Kyungsoo playfully glares at him, mouthing ‘later’ and Jongin would shut up.
During nights, they would sleep over each others’ house. Nights would end giggling at stories or long make out sessions until they sleep.
-
Kyungsoo had just finished cooking when arms were wrapped on his middle and he’s on the air. He screams and hears Jongin’s laughter as the latter spins them, he gets dropped on the couch. Kyungsoo laughs, breathless, then he pushes Jongin’s shoulder just for a slight revenge.
“You know, you told me your true feelings back then but now… how do you feel?” he asks, wrapping his arms around Jongin’s neck
“Nothing much changed - ” Kyungsoo huffs while Jongin chuckles “Just kidding. I am seriously in love with you. A-and I know were just some reckless teenagers but I know what I’m saying right now.”
Kyungsoo flushes, laughing slightly because of nothing. He can’t believe that Jongin like - loves him back. Yeah, love.
“This is so embarrassing, Kyungsoo. I can’t believe I managed to say that.”
They both laughed because Jongin’s skin is burning and this whole scene is like ripped from a stupid rom-com (“Rom-com’s aren’t stupid!” Jongin huffed one time).
“Okay then, kiss me.”
Jongin pulls him up, settles Kyungsoo on his lap and kisses him. A hand holding the side of Kyungsoo’s neck, slightly tickling him. Then he feels Jongin’s mouth stretch into a smile, Kyungsoo smiles slightly, “Don’t smile, we’re kissing - our teeth are kissing.”
“We haven’t brushed our teeth.”
“I know.”
“It’s disgusting.”
“Yep.”
“Kyungsoo?”
“Yes, Jongin?”
“I’m gonna kiss your neck now.”
Kyungsoo laughs, his eyes disappearing and Jongin wants to see this every single day.