[C32] YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME (2/3)
Prompt Code: C32
Title: You Know You Love Me
Good Morning, Upper East siders.
Have you missed me over christmas break? I know I've sure missed you. And now that you're all coming home I can't wait to dish on what you've been up to when you were jet-setting the globe. Such a shame that birthday boy Do Kyungsoo hasn't come back to grace us with his presence yet. Personally, we were looking forward to the annual non-stop birthday party of his and fellow Capricorn Kim Jongin. This looks like smoke to us, and where there's smoke, there's usually fire. Stick around for the deets.
Jongin was pacing back and forth as he waited for Kyungsoo's arrival at Grand Central Station.
God, he had been so stupid, ditching Kyungsoo like that. But he was here now and this time he was sure he wouldn't run away and fall to his old ways again.
The train was arriving and Jongin could feel his hands becoming sweaty with anticipation. His eyes searched for Kyungsoo anxiously as people were exiting the train and he hoped he wouldn't somehow miss him.
And there he was.
And Jongin knew.
He began walking towards him full of determination. There was no turning back this time.
But then something else happened, something he hadn't accounted for.
There, behind the boy he had unintentionally fallen in love with was another boy. A boy he knew very well. A boy he'd call his best friend, in fact.
He saw something he had observed many, many times before. Junmyeon put his arm around Kyungsoo's waist as they both leaned in and kissed. In all the times Jongin had watched this happen, it had never felt anything like this, not even remotely. It felt as if someone had stabbed him in his chest, as if his whole world had been turned upside down and someone punched him in the stomach.
Was this what jealousy felt like?
Was this what heartbreak felt like?
It was an entirely new sensation for him, something he never wanted to experience. It was precisely the reason he usually abstained from anything involving human emotions at all costs.
He tried to swallow the bizarrely huge lump in his throat as he stood frozen in his tracks. And then Kyungsoo spotted him.
It was a look filled with disappointment and bitterness and it shot right into Jongin's heart. Kyungsoo's expression quickly turned into a smile as he took Junmyeon's hand.
Jongin wanted to cry. He wasn't sure for what reason he hated himself more; for fucking this up, or for letting himself get this emotionally invested in the first place. He turned around before Junmyeon could see him and walked away, eyes glued to the pavement.
Spotted: Upper East Side princes Kyungsoo and Junmyeon back in town and back on each other's arm. Looks like someone's heart is as cold as the temperature outside. Happy birthday, Jongin.
-
"You're wearing a gold suit? Why am I not surprised?"
Kyungsoo sat on Baekhyun's bed at the new Kim-Byun residence and watched his friend model said suit in front of his mirror.
"It's a masquerade ball, why not go all out?"
He combed through the golden blonde locks of his hair as he observed himself. Now, this was the Byun Baekhyun that everyone knew and loved. And hated. And envied. The boy merely needed to enter a room and everyone's attention would be on him. He was like a ball of light and even if looking at him was blinding, you still couldn't help but stare.
"What are you wearing anyway?"
"Black," they both responded at the same time.
"Why am I not surprised? What do you call your style anyway? Goth chic? Funeral couture?" Baekhyun held his mask which matched with the color of his hair and attire up to his face as he jeered at his friend.
"Some people don't need to dress in flashy colors to look good," Kyungsoo voiced in the most snarky tone he could muster as he raised his chin and looked at Baekhyun condescendingly.
The bell from the elevator chimed. Kyungsoo tensed up as he heard Jongin's voice becoming louder in volume as he entered the apartment.
"I should probably go. I'll see you tonight."
He got up abruptly and didn't leave any room to argue as he departed brusquely and hoped he could somehow avoid a conversation Jongin.
Jongin hung up his phone as Kyungsoo walked past him, averting eye contact by staring at the floor.
"So you're really back together with Junmyeon?"
Kyungsoo stopped in his tracks and closed his eyes. He needed to come up with a response, preferably one that wouldn't let Jongin know how humiliated and hurt he felt for being stood up by him. He put on his best bitch face and turned around, ready for the inevitable dispute.
"Yes, I am. And considering the fact that you two haven't talked all break I guess your friendship is over. Looks like you'll just have to go back to paying for the people who give you company."
"We've just grown apart." Jongin leaned against the wall in the hallway and crossed his arms.
"Whatever you say." Kyungsoo was about to leave when he decided to add something. "Oh and by the way, he's much better in bed than you are." He smiled triumphantly and turned around.
"You should have no trouble getting into Yale's theater department."
Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder and raised his eyebrows in question. "What?"
The smile on Jongin's face was as cocky as his posture. "I'm sure you delivered a riveting performance when you faked your virginity for him." He didn't wait for a response and left Kyungsoo standing there in disbelief.
What. An. Asshole.
-
The ballroom was filled with students from St. Jude’s and Constance, though you could hardly tell who was who behind their masks. Everyone was covered in ruffles, lace, feathers and other outrageous over-the-top materials, some even wore wigs or fancy headdresses as part of their costumes.
"Care to dance with the devil?"
Jongin was dressed in a blood red suit, his hair was the perfect kind of messy that you only saw in the pages of a magazine and the top portion of his face was hidden behind a blackish crimson mask with horns at the forehead.
Kyungsoo wasn’t the least bit surprised at Jongin’s choice of attire but decided to make a comment nonetheless.
"Haven't you heard? It's a masquerade ball. You're supposed to wear a mask."
"It's the one night I can show my true face."
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes and turned the other way. He was stood at the center of the room, though he was hardly noticeable among the crowd. From far away his black suit looked just the same as all his other ones, but given a closer look, one would find intricate little details which made it rather extraordinary.
"You can't honestly tell me phantom of the opera over there is satisfying your needs," Jongin’s tone was patronizing as he watched Junmyeon dance - or at least attempt to - on the other side of the room.
He was a hopeless case with no sense of rhythm whatsoever and the thought that Kyungsoo was sleeping with that when he had experienced so much better was truly alarming.
"Well, he is. Not that it's any of your business."
Yeah, right.
"Really?" Jongin challenged as he took a step closer to Kyungsoo whose back was turned towards him and leaned close to his ear.
"Does he know how much you love having your thighs kissed?" He drawled in that sultry tone that drove Kyungsoo insane as he placed his hand on his thigh, his grip becoming firmer the higher it slid.
Kyungsoo felt shivers down his back when Jongin brought his lips to the other side of his head, this time even closer than before.
"Has he had the privilege of witnessing how rough and needy you can get when you get turned on?"
He didn’t realize that his hand, which he put on top of Jongin’s in order to push it away was now lingering, even clutching as he felt himself melting at the sound of Jongin’s voice.
The fingers of Jongin’s other hand carefully touched Kyungsoo’s chin, guiding his head towards him before gliding down his neck.
"Would he even dare saying any of the other kinky shit you're into out loud?"
"Stop," Kyungsoo’s voice cracked on the word as it came out more like a plea to keep going than the opposite.
Jongin withdrew his hands and gave Kyungsoo some space by taking a few steps back, to which Kyungsoo turned around and looked at him surprised. He felt like he had just gotten pulled back into reality.
"You know what I find interesting?"
"No, and I don't care."
Jongin disregarded his bluff of a response. "You told me to stop. And I did. And look how disappointed you are."
Kyungsoo gulped. "Bullshit." He hoped his mask was hiding how little he believed the word himself.
"If he continues to fail making you scream-” Jongin prowled towards him like a wild animal scrutinizing its prey, shortening the distance between them. “-and he will-” He leaned in close, tilting his head slightly, his lips mere inches apart from Kyungsoo’s. “come find me." The corners of his lips briefly pulled up into a smile before he withdrew.
Dazed, Kyungsoo headed for the balcony. He was in desperate need of fresh air after what had just happened. He needed to get away from Jongin, from Junmyeon, from Baekhyun, from everyone. He let himself fall into a chair and buried his face in his hands as he let his feelings crash down on him. As much as he hated admitting it, Jongin was completely right. Junmyeon and him just didn’t belong together, even if he was everything he could ever hope for in a guy. Why on earth did he have to fall in love with the biggest douchebag on the planet? It just wasn’t fair.
He stared into the night when suddenly the lights inside the building went out. The skyscrapers, apartment buildings and streetlights in Kyungsoo’s view followed, leaving him surrounded by the darkness of the night.
“It’s a citywide blackout, everyone, don’t panic!” He heard from inside.
He looked over his shoulder to see people scattering around, trying to find a source of light and a ways to solve the situation. It matched the chaos that was currently raging inside his head.
But maybe for a while it was ok to just sit and let everyone else worry for a change. He scooted closer to the wall and leaned his head against it as he brought his legs up and hugged them to his chest.
He didn’t know how much time had passed with him just sitting there by himself when someone joined him. He watched that someone place a lit candle on the small table next to him before taking a seat in the other chair. Kyungsoo didn’t have to move his head to know who he was, he could tell just by the color of his suit. To his surprise, Jongin didn’t come to gloat or make another move. He simply sat next to him quietly, both of them letting the cold January air fill their lungs.
The lights seemed to come back on way too soon, signaling Kyungsoo to get back to reality. He blew out the candle and headed back inside, unaware of how Jongin stared after him with parted lips and words he couldn’t say stuck in his throat.
Soon enough the clock struck midnight and everyone’s masks came off. Finally.
Kyungsoo stood outside, his hands absentmindedly fumbling around with his mask as he waited for Junmyeon.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s voice was as gentle as the touch of his hand on Kyungsoo’s arm.
Kyungsoo sighed. “Can’t you just leave me alone?”
“Look, I know I fucked up.”
Kyungsoo turned to look at him. And there he was, bare faced, no disguise or teasing words or inappropriate advances to hide behind. And maybe seeing this side of him is even more painful and confusing, because Kyungsoo has always known that there was more behind the tough exterior that the world has come to known him as. He knew that deep down, Jongin was just a scared child, lost and unloved, with too many emotions overflowing and undealt with, hidden behind the excuse that he didn’t care about anyone but himself, when the truth was the complete opposite.
“I tried to distract myself the whole time you were gone, hoping at some point I wouldn’t feel it anymore, but I still do.”
Jongin hated saying those words out loud. He hated feeling them. And more than that he hated Kyungsoo. He hated that he saw right through him, he hated that he provoked such strong feelings inside him that couldn’t for the life of him be ignored or controlled, no matter how hard he tried. He hated that he made him act upon those feelings. He hated that he cared.
“Do you have any idea how stupid I felt waiting for you, realizing you weren’t gonna show up?”
Jongin had rarely seen him this vulnerable, this hurt, not even after he found out that Junmyeon cheated on him. It was all his fault. He was to blame for Kyungsoo’s pain and even though he knew apologizing wouldn’t make it okay, he still tried.
“I’m sorry. I was scared.”
“Of what?”
“That you’d see parts of me that I’ve never shown anyone before.” He blinked rapidly, trying not to let the tears that were slowly beginning to pool in his eyes fall. “Don’t leave with him. Please,” he was pleading, begging for a second chance, even though he knew he didn’t deserve one.
“Why? Give me a reason. And ‘I’m Kim Jongin’ doesn’t count.”
“Because you shouldn’t.” Because I need you.
“That’s not good enough.”
“Because you don’t belong with him.” Because I need you so fucking much.
“It’s not enough. Tell me the one reason why I shouldn’t leave with anyone but you.”
Because I need you so fucking much, it scares me.
“Three words, eight letters. Say it, and I’m yours.” Kyungsoo wanted to hear it. He needed to hear it to know it wasn’t all just in his head.
“I-” And there was this feeling again. This dark feeling that started in his gut and worked its way upwards and flooded his chest, this overwhelming urge to run away that made his hands sweat and shake so hard that his mask slipped from his fingers and landed on the floor.
“I-” He wanted to say it. He knew it was true. They both knew it was true.
And yet he couldn’t.
“Thank you,” Kyungsoo interrupted bitterly. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
He picked up Jongin’s mask and shoved it against his chest before he pushed past him. “Here, don’t forget your true face.”
-
Kyungsoo stood by his locker and wondered if there was something stuck in his teeth. Everyone had been staring and talking at him since he had arrived at school that morning. He headed for the restroom and studied his reflection in the mirror. Everything seemed fine. He looked the same as always. And then something occurred to him. Pulling out his phone he checked Gossip Girl.
He felt like his entire body shut down when he saw two pictures of himself placed side to side; on the left he was kissing Jongin at his dad’s wedding, on the right he was kissing Junmyeon at the train station.
His hand shot up involuntarily to cover his mouth as he read the text below the images.
Remember when Kyungsoo broke up with Junmyeon for doing the nasty with his best friend? Seems like he was hungry for some revenge and after satisfying his appetite he went right back to Junmyeon and pretended it never happened. We told you we smelled smoke. And now we’ve got the pictures to prove it.
-
“Tell me it was just a kiss, nothing more.”
Junmyeon was standing in the schoolyard, phone in hand.
Kyungsoo didn’t respond.
“I should have known that when you said you wanted to start over you were talking about your mistakes and not mine. I felt so awful for what I did and for what? So you could go and betray me just the same?”
He had never seen Junmyeon this upset.
“I forgave you for what you did. And I didn’t betray you, we weren’t together anymore when it happened.”
He knew that what he did was far from right, but Junmyeon didn’t exactly have a lot of moral high ground to stand on either.
“Whatever. You should have known better. I’m done with you.”
His inner turmoil was driving Kyungsoo mad. He wanted to cry when Junmyeon walked away.
“At least I had the decency not to cheat on you while we were still in a relationship,” he yelled after him with frustration. This wouldn’t have happened if Junmyeon had never cheated on him in the first place, so why was he the one to blame?
Junmyeon ignored him and walked past the school gates where Jongin was talking to one of their classmates. He interrupted their conversation by shoving him against the wall.
“You slept with him? I can’t believe you would do this to me.”
He didn’t need to mention Kyungsoo’s name for Jongin to know who he was talking about.
“You guys were broken up. He was lonely and upset. I was there for him.” He tried to remain as calm as possible as he explained the situation to his best friend.
“Oh so you cared about him? Is that what it was? He wasn’t just another casual fuck to you like everyone else you’ve slept with?”
Jongin could feel the anger boiling in his gut. Sleeping with Kyungsoo certainly hadn’t been a fucking joke to him, unlike his whole relationship with Junmyeon. He wrapped his hands around Junmyeon’s wrists at his throat and pushed him off of him.
“You broke his heart and then you kept rejecting him as if he wasn’t good enough,” he paused as he tried to regain his composure. “You don’t deserve him,” he added quietly.
Junmyeon shook his head. “Well, you two sure deserve each other. Do me a favor and stay away from me, both of you.”
-
Kyungsoo pushed the food on his plate around with his chopsticks as he sat at the dinner table. It was extremely rare that he wasn’t in the mood to eat, but today the idea of putting anything near his mouth seemed impossible. His mother who sat opposite of him had already finished her meal when she looked at her phone.
“Is this true?”
He forced his head up and saw his mother holding up the device. On the screen he saw the article he had seen earlier, the pictures that had ruined his day, his reputation, and now that someone had apparently sent it to his mother, possibly his life.
“It can’t be, right?”
She looked back and forth between the Kyungsoo in the pictures and the one sitting at the table.
“Because that would mean that you’re…” she gulped. She couldn’t even say it out loud.
“And you’re not,” she laughed nervously as her head shook in denial. “Are you?”
Kyungsoo didn’t respond. He wasn’t ready for this. Not today. Not ever.
His mother covered her face with her hands, shocked.
“Oh, my god,” she muttered under her breath.
He needed to leave. This table, this apartment, this building, hell, he needed to leave this whole fucking city.
-
“Kyungsoo!” He heard a familiar voice as he made his way through the crowd at Grand Central Station.
“How did you know I was here?” He asked the blonde haired boy as he turned around.
“Because it’s where I went after what I did. Where do you think you’re going?”
“I don’t know.”
He really didn’t. He had no idea. Somewhere, anywhere where people wouldn’t know his name or face would suffice.
“I heard about what happened.”
“Everyone knows, the whole school, my mom. My dad left her for another man, she’s never going to look at me the same,” Kyungsoo sobbed.
“That’s not true, Kyungsoo. She called me because she was worried. She cares about you. And so do I. Do you remember how you felt when I left? Don’t do the same thing to me. Don’t make the same dumb mistake as me just because of some stupid scandal that’s gonna blow over in a week anyway. You can start over, I’m living proof of that.”
Baekhyun brought his arms around him and held him close, letting him cry on his shoulder as he tried to soothe him. Society could be cruel, he had experienced it first hand. He wasn’t going to let people tear his best friend apart like they did him.
-
Kyungsoo’s mother paced back and forth in her living room when Baekhyun arrived with her son, who had clearly been crying.
“Text me, ok?” Baekhyun smiled at him sympathetically and embraced him again before he left the two of them to talk.
"Do you hate me?" Kyungsoo couldn’t look at her. He felt his tears welling up again as he stared at the ground.
"Of course not.”
She urged him to sit down on the sofa and wiped his tears with her thumbs.
“I want to apologize for my reaction earlier,” she said when he finally looked at her. “I guess I wasn't ready."
"Well, if it helps, neither was I," he sniffled.
She pulled her son into a hug. "I'm sorry you didn't feel that you could tell me."
"I just thought that after what dad did, you wouldn't understand."
She cupped his face with her hands as she pulled back. "You are not your father."
"I know,” he nodded. “And for the record, I didn't cheat on either of them." It was important to him that she knew.
"I know you didn't. You wouldn’t do that, I didn’t raise you like that."
Kyungsoo could slowly begin to feel his panic subside. The truth was out. His mother knew. And she didn’t kick him out or disown him. She still loved him and something about that made him feel a sense of tranquility.
"So, Kim Junmyeon and Kim Jongin, huh?” She began after a while. “You have good taste in men."
"Mom!" He stared at her with his eyes wide. She did not just say that.
She chuckled to herself and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but smile a little as he shook his head, embarrassed.
Her tone became serious again when she placed her hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.
“I don’t know the details of what happened, but I want you to remember to always put yourself first. Don’t let any boy treat you like you’re not good enough.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, trying his hardest not to cry again as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “I think I’m just going to focus on school for a while.”
“I think that’s a good idea,” she agreed.
-
Baekhyun sat on the couch and watched Jongin pour himself a drink as his step-brother’s third visit of the day accessed the elevator.
“Busy day?”
Jongin responded by shooting a deathly glare his way.
“Jeez, if looks could kill... Shouldn’t you look a little happier after getting laid?”
The lack of a reply made Baekhyun suspicious. He looked back up from the game he was playing on his phone as Jongin gulped down the remaining contents of his glass in one shot, finishing by trying to suppress the grimace his face naturally responded with.
Now that Baekhyun thought about it… the visits weren’t very long, nor was there any noise forcing him to put on his headphones coming from Jongin’s room.
“Unless- Are you having... mechanical problems?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” Jongin admitted in a grumpy voice after a long pause.
Baekhyun was highly amused.
“You’re so in love with Kyungsoo. Your head knows it, your heart knows it, and now your dick knows it, too,” he couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer.
“Is this funny to you?” Jongin shot at him, looking just about ready to kill him.
“Of course it’s funny to me, why do you think I’m laughing?”
Jongin let out an annoyed sigh. Perhaps it was the alcohol kicking in when something occured to him.
“You do pose an interesting theory though. My body seems somehow stuck on Kyungsoo. Perhaps a last farewell will do the trick, a kiss goodbye, if you will.” A wicked smile tugged at his lips. He reached for his coat and headed towards the elevator. “I’ll see you later, hyung.”
Baekhyun raised his eyebrows.
“Because who needs to take Viagra when you can do Kyungsoo?” He remarked, sarcasm thick in his voice, not that anyone was close enough to hear it.
-
If Baekhyun hadn’t informed Kyungsoo about Jongin’s plans, he might have had a slight sliver of hope that he came to apologize. But of course he came for one thing. And of course he was up to his same old tricks.
“You’re like the male equivalent of snow white,” Jongin discerned in a husky voice as he studied Kyungsoo’s face.
“Hair black as ebony,” his fingers slowly trailed through the thick locks before tracing down the side of his face. “skin white as snow,” He held Kyungsoo’s chin up with his index finger as he admired his features for a moment before he traced his lower lip with his thumb. “lips red as blood. And so delectable.” He leaned in, closing his eyes when Kyungsoo followed his lead.
Kyungsoo began to chuckle before their lips met, leaving Jongin dumbfounded and confused as he reopened his eyes.
“You’re so pathetic,” Kyungsoo condescended. “Baekhyun told me about your-” his gaze dropped to Jongin’s crotch. “-problem.”
He stared at him with incredulity in his eyes. “You really think you can just come around here for a quick fuck after what you did?”
Jongin tried to save the situation the only way he could think of. “Who said anything about quick? We can go slow, if that’s what you’d prefer.”
“Cute,” Kyungsoo scoffed. “But your lines don’t work on me anymore.”
He turned his back and began to leave, but of course Jongin wanted to have the last word.
“Just out of curiosity, how’s your sex life been these past months?” There was a brief pause. “Oh wait- you don’t have one.”
“And I don’t need one. Believe it or not, there’s more important things than sex.”
“You can’t ignore your desires forever.”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but I’m very self sufficient.”
“You and I both know it’s only a matter of time until you’ll be lying in bed alone, craving for someone to make you feel alive. Face it, Kyungsoo, we’re inevitable.”
Jongin didn’t wait for a response.
-
“You got another B?” Baekhyun asked Kyungsoo who dropped his books on the table, his math test on top.
Kyungsoo was a straight A student, he needed to be one if he wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and attend Yale. It was his only plan.
“I just can’t focus lately.”
He studied the mistakes he made on his test with furrowed eyebrows as he engaged in his habit of biting his nails.
Baekhyun pulled his hand away from his mouth, as it was often the only way he would stop. “Will you stop gnawing your hands off? What’s wrong with you? You seem like you’re going through withdrawal. You’re not secretly a drug addict, are you?” He asked, squinting at him.
“No. I’m just… frustrated.”
Kyungsoo focused his attention on the paper in front of him and crossed his legs.
There was a long pause.
“Sexually?” Baekhyun asked finally.
Kyungsoo sighed. Now that it was out, he might as well just complain a little more. “Junmyeon was just so… vanilla. Even when I topped he just wanted to go slow all the time.”
“Kyungsoo, have you ever looked in the mirror?”
“What’s your point exactly?”
“You’re a handsome guy. You’ll have no problem finding a one night stand.”
Kyungsoo already knew that. But he didn’t want a one night stand, not with a random stranger at least. He - or rather his body - wanted sex with one person, and one person only. And sleeping with him was definitely not an option. No matter how much he craved it, his brain knew better.
“I’m afraid that’s not going to help.”
Baekhyun didn’t need to know all the details, did he?
“You only want Jongin.” It didn’t take him long to figure it out.
Goddamnit, was it really that obvious?
“The two of you have the same problem, why don’t you just give each other what you want so you can both move on with your lives?”
Easy for Baekhyun to say, but what Kyungsoo and Jongin had wasn’t just your average teenage love story; it had become a dangerous game which required a carefully constructed strategy.
“It’s not that simple, I can’t just let him win, not that I expect you to understand.”
Baekhyun wore an expression that said why-are-you-making-such-a-big-deal-out-of-this? The boy clearly did not understand how high the stakes were.
“God, life must be so dull for you without all the scheming and the plotting, how do you keep yourself entertained?”
“By watching my best friend and my step brother play a pointless battle of pride, when really they’re just two softies who are hopelessly in love with each other.”
Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. Very funny.
“What would you do if you were in my situation?”
Baekhyun didn’t need a lot of time to think about it. “Make him jealous.”
“That’s so cliché.”
Baekhyun shrugged. “Maybe, but it’s effective. Come over tonight. Let’s have a sleepover.”
A sleepover? Kyungsoo couldn’t tell if this was another one of his jokes.
“Baekhyun, we’re not 12 year old girls.”
“Just trust me, ok? I have a plan.”
-
Kyungsoo arrived at the Kim-Byun residence later that night, curious what his friend had planned.
“I hope you’re not disappointed that I didn’t bring any Hello Kitty PJ’s.”
Baekhyun placed his hand on his chest and gasped theatrically as his face seemingly contorted in shock. “I’m devastated.”
Kyungsoo joined him, sitting down beside him on the stairs. “You want to elaborate on that genius master plan of yours?”
Baekhyun straightened his back and clapped his hands once before rubbing his palms together like a villain from a cartoon. “Jongin will be here any minute.”
Kyungsoo blinked. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, waiting for Baekhyun to explain the next step.
“I thought we’ve established the whole making him jealous part. Aren’t you supposed to be the expert when it comes to scheming?”
“Make him jealous with whom? Is there someone else here?” Kyungsoo’s eyes briefly searched the apartment that seemed empty aside from the two of them.
Baekhyun held his hand up to his chin, forming an ‘L’ with his thumb and index finger and paired it with a goofy grin.
Kyungsoo was not amused.
“You’re not serious.”
He was serious.
Kyungsoo was about to argue when he heard the elevator bell chime. He really didn’t have much of a choice.
“Fine,” he sighed as he grabbed Baekhyun by his collar and pressed their lips together.
The sound of their mouths slotting together was interrupted by Jongin clearing his throat. Kyungsoo deliberately kept his hands on Baekhyun as he broke away to look up at Jongin.
“Is this supposed to be a joke?” Jongin asked, face stern as he looked back and forth between the two of them.
Baekhyun licked his lips and smirked at Kyungsoo. “Let’s take this to my room, shall we?”
“Good idea,” he agreed and kissed him again, fully aware that Jongin was watching.
“Baekhyun, a word?” Jongin held him back by the arm and Kyungsoo proceeded to head towards Baekhyun’s room.
Baekhyun slapped his ass for good measure. He was going to regret this.
Jongin waited until Kyungsoo was out of sight and kept his voice low.
“We’re brothers now. Does that mean anything to you?”
“What Kyungsoo and I have is purely physical, it’s just for fun.”
“So? Do you really have to rub it in my face when you know how I feel about him?” He looked hurt.
“If you want him, do something about it,” Baekhyun advised him unsmiling. He could almost feel Jongin staring a hole into his back as he walked away.
-
Baekhyun remained fast asleep as Kyungsoo headed for the kitchen for a glass of water. He couldn’t sleep for the life of him, not when Jongin was in the room right next to him.
Kyungsoo admired the New York skyline from the window. He wondered if Jongin was awake too. He wondered if he had actually managed to make him jealous or if he saw right through him. He wondered if things would be different if Jongin hadn’t stood him up in the first place. Would they be together now? Would they be happy? No one could answer those questions for him. He realized there was no point in wasting time thinking about how things could have been. Things were the way they were and there was no way to turn back time and do it over.
He went back to Baekhyun’s room. His fingers had just grasped hold of the doorknob when there was a hand on his shoulder.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongin’s voice was a mere whisper, yet enough to make Kyungsoo’s heart beat faster.
He turned around to face him, surprised at how tender Jongin’s expression was. It was one of the rare cases he wasn’t hiding behind a facade.
“Please, I need you,” his tone was urgent and his eyes pleading.
All it took was one touch and then they were kissing madly, lips tasting and hands touching each other recklessly, trying to make up for lost time.
Kyungsoo pushed Jongin down on his bed, spreading his legs apart as he kneeled between them. His hands massaged the insides of Jongin’s thighs, sliding up further to palm at the growing erection before slipping his hand beneath the silk material of his pants.
Next, Kyungsoo decided to try something he had never tried before. He let his hand glide lower, his fingers applying more pressure, but before he could any further, Jongin intercepted him.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Kyungsoo halted his movements. “What? You always get to top, let me for a change.”
He was about to continue when Jongin pushed his arm away.
“I don’t get fucked. I’m the one who does the fucking,” he insisted defensively.
Kyungsoo should have known. Things were never going to work out the way he wanted. Between them, there were limits and boundaries, not defined by comfort, but by pride. Being real with each other and showing vulnerability didn’t seem like an option and even if they tried, it would sooner or later turn into a power struggle again. If Jongin wasn’t going to concede, then why the hell should he?
“Fine, have it your way. Let me know how that works out for you.”
Kyungsoo pulled back, ready to leave when Jongin stopped him.
“Say it.”
“What?”
“You know what. Eight letters, three syllables. Say it and I’ll let you be in charge,” Jongin challenged.
“That’s not fair.”
“Why? You expected me to say it.”
Kyungsoo raised his voice. “Yes, and look at all the shit we’ve been through just because you didn’t have the guts.”
“Don’t make me out to be the coward when you can’t even say it yourself,” Jongin retorted, tone filled with anger.
“I loathe you. How’s that for three words?”
He got up and strode off, refraining from slamming the door solely for the sake of not wanting to wake up the entire household.
-
Kyungsoo stood in front of Jongin’s suite at the Palace hotel, where he knew he still spent his weekends. He stared at the key between his fingers. Jongin had given it to him shortly before his father’s wedding. Kyungsoo had never gotten to make use of it but he felt like now was a good time. Jongin was occupying his mind to the point he couldn’t sleep, and even when he could, Jongin would haunt him there too. He was fucking everywhere and everything reminded him of him. He wanted him, he needed him, and he would have him, in any way that he could, even if that meant giving up control for one night.
Kyungsoo entered the room. “Hello.”
“Evening.”
Jongin sat on his bed, legs spread, shirt untucked, his tie hanging loosely over some undone buttons. In his hand he held his signature drink, a scotch on the rocks.
“You look ravishing, as always,” he complimented.
“I know. Mind if I make myself comfortable?” He didn’t wait for a response as he slid the jacket of his suit off and neatly draped it over the sofa.
“Be my guest.”
Jongin took a sip from his drink.
Kyungsoo pulled off his tie and undid the top buttons of his shirt as he moved across the room towards Jongin.
“Did you come to tell me something special?” Jongin taunted when Kyungsoo stood in front of him with his shirt hanging open.
“No. As in matter of fact, I’d prefer to keep the talking to a minimum.”
He leaned forward, his face hovering over Jongin’s as he continued to speak in a low voice.
“You need it, I need it. One night. No strings. No games. Do we have a deal?”
Jongin stared up into his eyes, lips parted, almost mesmerized as he nodded affirmatively.
Kyungsoo stripped off his pants and boxers and lay down flat on his stomach, waiting for Jongin to make the next move.
He heard the ruffle of Jongin’s clothes as he took them off.
“Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo looked over his shoulder, surprised that Jongin hadn’t touched him yet.
“You wanted to top, so go ahead,” Jongin said.
“I thought you don’t get fucked,” Kyungsoo repeated Jongin’s words from last time as he got up from the bed.
“I’ve never done it before. I never had any interest.”
“Then why are you asking me now?”
“Because it’s different with you,” Jongin explained. I want this, I trust you, he added silently in his head.
He handed Kyungsoo the lube and lay down on the bed, taking the position Kyungsoo had previously been in.
Kyungsoo kissed Jongin’s neck, his shoulders, his back, making his way lower, his hands massaging his thighs and working their way up to spread his cheeks.
He pressed a few soft kisses against and around Jongin’s entrance before flattening his tongue against it, lapping at it a few times to get it wet.
Jongin peeked behind himself as he released a sigh. He never knew how good this felt, and it began to feel even better when Kyungsoo began to add his fingers. He fisted his hands into the sheets as Kyungsoo continued to stretch him open.
“Turn around,” Kyungsoo urged.
Jongin almost didn’t want to, because it would mean that they’d be face to face and there was no place to hide. It was scary letting Kyungsoo in like this. He had already broken down so many walls that Jongin had built around himself throughout the years, and this was no different. Though Jongin kept reminding himself why he built them in the first place, Kyungsoo made him realize that maybe, just maybe, he didn’t want to be caged in anymore.
He turned around and spread his legs. Kyungsoo shuffled closer and knelt in between them.
He lined his length up with Jongin’s entrance and paused for a moment to read his expression, almost expecting him to say or do something to make him stop. But much to his surprise, Jongin nodded encouragingly.
Kyungsoo slowly began to push the tip past Jongin’s rim and he could feel him tense up beneath him. He knew this was the hardest part, that it would take a few moments until the pain would subside.
By now he knew Jongin’s body well enough to know what made him feel good. He began to massage his thighs, rubbing and squeezing them as he leaned forward to kiss his neck.
Jongin slowly began to relax at Kyungsoo’s ministrations. He had had sex so many times with so many different people, but regardless of his experience, this felt entirely different. The more Kyungsoo touched and kissed him as he thrust inside him, the less this felt like just another fuck, and more like love-making, something else Jongin had never done before.
Jongin wrapped his arms around Kyungsoo’s back, pulling him closer, so he could feel his heated skin against his own. He urged him to go faster and kissed him passionately, threading his fingers in Kyungsoo’s hair.
Jongin felt conflicted when Kyungsoo’s eyes were fixed on his own. It was almost unbearingly intimate, yet he couldn’t help but let the words ‘Don’t stop’ slip past his lips.
Kyungsoo felt a familiar heat building in his gut, his hips began to snap quickly, his grip around Jongin’s length tightening as he got close. His lips hovered over Jongin’s, releasing a moan as he came. It was enough to push Jongin over the edge too. He clutched onto Kyungsoo’s arms tightly as he spilled over his hand, some of it landing on his stomach.
Kyungsoo cleaned them up and picked up his clothes. As much as he wanted to stay and hold Jongin and fall asleep next to him, he had gotten what he came for, so he figured it was best to leave, before one or both of them turned this situation into something ugly again.
“You said ‘one night’,” Jongin reminded him. “Don’t go.”
Kyungsoo couldn’t say no. Maybe just for one night, they could be temporary lovers.
-
Kyungsoo fastened the knot of his tie the next morning when Jongin appeared behind him in the mirror.
“What? Are you going to gloat about how you won?”
He turned around and collected his jacket of the sofa.
“I didn’t win, neither of us did.”
Jongin stepped closer and took Kyungsoo’s hands into his own, intertwining their fingers.
“We keep thinking that if one of us says those words it’ll be the end of all this, those games we play. But it would also be the beginning of something new, something that I don’t know we’re ready for.”
“Maybe we’re not,” Kyungsoo admitted. “But will we ever be?”
Jongin rested his forehead against Kyungsoo’s.
“I believe in us. We’ll be together one day, I know we will.”
There were tears in Jongin’s eyes and Kyungsoo almost couldn’t look at him, scared they’d both begin to cry and make this even harder than it already was. He closed his eyes and kissed him on the lips instead, trying to savor the moment, because who knew when or if their lips would ever touch again?
They looked at each other one last time, eyes exchanging love confessions too heavy for their lips before they said their goodbyes.
Part 3