H18] SECRET LOVE STORY (4/4)

[kaisooaufest]

Prompt Code: H18
Title: Secret Love Story



As soon as the first touch of sunrays fill the room, Jongin groans, definitely hating how the curtains are in the room he is in. If this was my room with Kyungsoo, the blinds would definitely stop any light from peeping in because my boyfriend knows how I love to sleep in and- he hisses at the direction his thoughts has gone; definitely not something you should think of as soon as you wake up to the morning light.

Jongin tries tossing and turning on the wide bed he is lying on, just to find the sleep he so wants to have. The bags under his eyes must definitely look scary as he predicts, they feel like heavy buildings hanging onto his eyelashes. Being away from that one person, Jongin accedes, didn’t do him any good. If he was being honest with himself, it was like losing life, except that he needed to keep going to school and eat and respond to questions his friends throw at him. Other than those things, everything was hollow, out of meaning, empty.

And they say anyone can live without love.

The moment he felt that his eyes were about to droop and his mind sweeping away from consciousness once again, the moment he breathes in a long and satisfying breath, a smell he has grown accustomed to fills his senses.

Chicken.

Why would he smell chicken at an ungodly hour? Is his nose at its prefect condition? It must be the dreams… though I am not even sleeping yet, not even close. To think that the only sane person who would have chicken for breakfast is Jongin himself and he definitely isn’t the one who ordered said food. This thought makes his lips curve upward slightly, remembering how his friends throw him ugly faces with his choice of menu.

Now that he thinks of it, eating chicken for breakfast sounds great- something he loves to do and something he misses. What a great combination. So with tired limbs and a sleepy body, he sits up and heads for the door, walking slowly. He makes his silent trek to the kitchen with his phone in hand, ready to order.

A plate filled with a whole piece of fried chicken, resting on the dining table, looking hot and just cooked shocks him. Well, at least that proves my head is still in tune and nose in perfect condition. But surely his friends aren’t awake yet; then, who could have ordered the food?

A hearty chuckle comes from behind him, making him flinch. “I knew the smell of chicken would make you step out of the room.”

“Chanyeol hyung,” he acknowledges the man who surprised him with wide eyes and a shaky voice; he speaks once he has composed himself, “What are you doing here?”

“Am I not allowed? I am here because I miss you, you know,” he hears the low voice of his friend say.

“It’s not that, hyung, I miss you, too,” he fixes, feeling relaxed, “I mean how did you get in? Do you know Luhan?”

The man hovers over him, being the tall man that he is, before walking towards the dining table, “I just knew him yesterday. He was waiting by the door when Baek and I went home last night and introduced himself as your savior. Glad he went to us, kid, we were worried sick with you being gone for over a week without any text message or letter, you know. You could have told us where you were going.”

He was shocked by the revelation, he truly didn’t deserve a friend like Luhan, “So you’ve met my beautiful friend-“

“Together with his boyfriend, of course, Oh Sehun,” the taller interjects.

“Sehun was with him?” he asks incredulously.

“Yeah, of course he was.”

Now he felt guilty. Of course Chanyeol saw this in his eyes.

“They’re concerned for you, Jongin, you chose good friends. If we knew, we’d be here earlier,” Chanyeol says in his usual voice, marveling, “Sorry.”

“No need for apologies, hyung, it’s all my fault,” he answers.

“Well, it was you who left,” the other points out.

“It looked like the best option, then,” he says as he walks to the table and scratches his head, “I guess it didn’t turn out to be the best decision I’ve made.”

“Certainly not,” the older wisely says before noting, “Shall we take a seat? I’ll let you eat, don’t you worry.”

Chanyeol was looking at him in a funny way- the Chanyeol funny and not the norm, of course, before settling himself on the seat across from him. He felt like a kid who would be reprimanded because of his wrongdoings- maybe he did do wrong. Stupid chicken.

“Why don’t you take a bite first?” the other stalled.

“Just spit it out, hyung,” he said sighing, “Did Baekhyun hyung force you to do this? For something in return, you know, like you two always do.”

“Nope, well yes, I guess, but I talked him into talking to Kyungsoo so I think we’re fair,” the taller chuckled, showing perfect white teeth, “I guess we’re that concerned for you two.”

He breathes in quickly as the name of his boyfriend left the other’s lips. It’s been too long since he’s heard it out loud. Again, Chanyeol noticed.

“It hasn’t gotten better, you know, with you leaving,” Chanyeol tentatively starts, “I think it turned out to be worse, for both of you. It’s clear that you two can’t live without each other but you’re both hurting each other in the walk to forever. Who thought it would be this hard? I surely didn’t.”

He noticed the others voice, which turned lower and sadder each sentence, held so much emotion in them. He’d been appreciating his newly made friends; he should do the same with his almost-brothers. How lucky he is to have such buddies for life.

“Jongin, what happened?”

Okay, of course it’s natural for his friends to be curious and they have the right to know. But where to start?

“Hyung,” he tried to form the right words but blurted, “Do you think he loves me?”

Chanyeol looked at him with wide eyes- almost wide as Kyungsoo’s when he really wanted it to be wide. Almost.

“What kind of question is that, Jongin? I can’t follow. Is that it? Is it because even after all these years he still can’t say to you those words?” the words flowed from the others mouth so easily, no filters, turning louder.

“I was just asking,” he mumbles.

“Well, you don’t need to ask me,” the other dismissed, “I know that you know the answer to that yourself.”

I do. Oh, wait. I did.

Not wanting to sour the mood he’s already put them in, he dishes the neck part of the chicken, biting and chewing for while. It didn’t seem like his friend wanted to initiate the talking anymore, so he composed his thoughts first. He talked after a few minutes.

“It’s- we were having a good time, hyung, that night. I swear everything was going the way I didn’t expect it to be but it was a good moment, better, if I am really honest. He asked me if I loved him, I reveled in that, he hasn’t asked me that since who knows and to hear that four-letter-word from his lips… how do I explain? You know, hyung, how you turn to mush when Baek hyung tells you that? I think it’s like that, too, or maybe better- stronger because it’s Kyungsoo and it’s been too long. I answered with all my heart, obviously, being as honest as I could. I was throwing every ounce of sincerity I can to my voice, forcing him to believe me with just that. I didn’t know then, his reason, and he asked me 3 times. I tell you, 3 friggin’ times. Like, why? I only knew the reason when he sat up and gave me his usual silent treatment, though I wouldn’t call it usual because the aura- the wind emanating from his was different. It wasn’t what I was used to, it was unnerving. When I got up as well, he prodded me to answer his inquiries with nothing with the truth, which was an easy task since it’s for Kyungsoo. He… he asked me again, 3 times like minutes before, if I loved him. There was a change in his tone, then, I just couldn’t detect what. I’ve been listening to him these past years, familiarizing myself with his emotions and feelings with just his voice but I failed completely. After the third time, he… he said-“

The memories come in a flash now, hurting Jongin as that same night, losing Kyungsoo. Or maybe it was him who lost himself but he guesses it didn’t matter at that point. Kyungsoo thought he was…

“He said?” the other probed, engrossed in his monologue. He looked into the others eyes.

“He said I was wrong.”

“What? Why?” the other demanded.

“I… He continued talking, saying I would never, in reality, be satisfied with him- with whatever thing we have, he said. He was blaming himself, full blow, no holes or other options. He continued jabbing himself with such hateful words that I would never, never affiliate him with when he suddenly added about me-,“ Jongin took a long shuddery breath, “About me cheating on him.”

Chanyeol’s eyes diluted, stunned from hearing his words, before finding his composure to fix himself and speak.

“Where did that picture come from?”

“I’m not sure myself, I think he saw me and Luhan earlier that day, in Starbucks,” he says in a rush, now thinking of all the probable scenarios, “We shared a brotherly hug and talked face-to-face for a while, before Sehun came, of course. I just couldn’t fathom how he could have come to the conclusion that we were in a relationship. I was barely intimate with Luhan, really! And even if I think for other incidents, there are none, I was with the lovers the whole day. I came home to him and that was what he threw me. I was baffled of course, when he suddenly countered everything I said like that. It was… It was like something was overpowering his senses, like he willed for me to be at fault only to find more fault in himself. It was 5 years ago all over again, he built up all the walls I’ve tried to seep in through for the last years in just one night.”

Now that he knew the truth, of Kyungsoo belittling himself once again, he felt a tad bit better. If that’s the situation, he’d fix it. This reminded him-

“He did say that he knew that he loved me and just didn’t have the courage to say it.”

“No way,” the taller said in shock, putting up his arms on the table to cradle his head.

“Way, hyung,” he scooped for another piece of chicken, the corners of his lips turning upward, “I was sidetracked for a while when that statement registered in my head. I was too late, though, he was through his self-loathing to notice the content of his words.”

He sighed in distress.

“It must have been hard on you, kid,” Chanyeol said in awe, releasing one hand to lightly punch him on the arm.

He thought about that for a second. “Well, aside from disturbing the lives of my new-made friends and missing the house we’ve just moved in and of course my boyfriend… it hasn’t been that much of a bother.”

The restless nights, tears, unwillingness to socialize and his friend’s visit flashed through his mind.

“Maybe not, then, I take it back,” he concluded.

“No one’s blaming you, kid, nor wanting you to become the hero,” the other again said, his wise words flowing, “I do think it’s time for you to man up and talk to him, though.”

Chanyeol’s words brought pictures to his mind, all the possibilities once he got the chance to talk to his beloved.

“It would be nice if he’d let me talk, hyung,” he conceded, knowing how Kyungsoo can get, “You know him, he hates himself more than anyone in the world.”

“You wouldn’t know unless you try,” the other complied, “I think it wouldn’t be hard. I’m expecting to see you back in our home tomorrow, actually.”

Of course, Jongin had to look at him with open-wide eyes.

“You… You- oh God, you expect me to go to him right now?”

“When else would you prefer, then? I say we don’t prolong the agony we all are going through and close the door to this complication,” the taller easily said.

“You don’t even know what you’re saying, hyung,” he aggravates, “Were you even there that night?”

“Yes. Yes, I was, Jongin.”

“Then how could you think that I would definitely be okay with the idea of talking to him right this moment?” he stubbornly brushes his hand through his hair, not minding if it looks presentable or not.

“Jongin, it’s just Kyungsoo,” Park Chanyeol! How dare you roll your eyes, “You know him better than Baek does. You’ll surely know the best solution to this.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, Park Chanyeol, my head- and heart for that matter -has been missing since the day I’d walked out!”

“Get it back then,” the other replied with such an irritating grin.

“I don’t know where it is!” he dumbly offers. Yes, dumb. Dumb Jongin.

“I think I have a clear idea as to where you could start looking,” he sees the mirth slowly crawling into the taller’s eyes, mocking him. He wasn’t going to win this match.

“I hate you,” he sighs in dejection, “Hear me sighing; look at what you’ve done to me.”

“Oh no, kid, you did that to yourself,” the other teases, “I still have my Baekhyun with me.”

Ugh. ‘My’ Baekhyun? Seriously? Aren’t you possessive much?

“Whatever,” he mumbles before adding, “I’ll see what I can do.”

“I can help by keeping the house empty sans us, Baekhyun and myself obviously, to make it easier,” the other offers, “It’d be easier to catch your prey when you don’t have spectators, right?”

What an idea! Now it perked his interest, the fact of meeting Kyungsoo after one whole week, when just before that he knew that he couldn’t live even one day without the elder. t was true.

“I’ll consider that.”

“Okay, kid. I’ll try to smother Baek out of the house by afternoon, I’ll give you until 10 in the evening, alright?” it definitely wasn’t helping that his friend was making all the plans himself.

“Sure, hyung, whatever you want,” he provides, “I’m not even sure if I can go today.”

“Of course you would.”

“Hyung~” he whined, tossing the chicken piece he had in hand back to the bowl to plop his face on the table, feeling the cold emitting from it.

“Jongin,” the elder smoothed, or tried to, what with his low voice, “I know you could do this. It’s for Kyungsoo.”

It was funny how there wasn’t any other explanation added.

Whatever implication or problem it was, as long as it’s Kyungsoo, he knew- well they all did. No other explanation was needed because the person itself was the answer to everything: he was the obstacle and the solution. A lot of thoughts filled his mind, all his desires singling them and joining forces to push him through a full-thought plan that would surely end the way it’s supposed to.

He must have had a determined look on his face for his tall friend stood up, walked around the table and patted him on the back. Jongin could tell that he finished his mission and was about to go.

He stood up; clapping the other’s back as well, heading for the door to let his friend out.

“Thanks for the chicken, hyung, I’d love to have that for breakfast,” he said, noting in his head to return the favor soon.

“Always, kid, I know how you are and chicken,” the elder chuckled, following him, “If I was to be honest, I’ll think the food and your boyfriend are your top priorities.”

“I think they are,” there was a difference between a human and food, though, “Or I think Kyungsoo still holds first place. I’ll put the chick on second.”

“Whatever you say, dude,” the other cackled because of Jongin’s tight hold on the said food.

Jongin had the door open for his friend, “I guess I’ll see you again.”

“Of course you would. You wouldn’t be able to control your want for Kyungsoo, I know. You love him, don’t you?” Chanyeol randomly asked.

It felt different, when he was asked that way, it felt like he was in this world for nothing but to love Do Kyungsoo. He hadn’t needed to think long for his sincere answer.

“Yes.”

Why can't we be like that?
Wish we could be like that

“Soo, we’re going,” Baek called by the door, he didn’t care to close it anymore. He was back in his- their room after his breakfast escapade with his friend and when said friend’s boyfriend got home, their attention was only for each other, saving him from both their wraths.

“Yeah, Baek,” he answered back, rolling over his- Jongin’s bed to peep at his friend who was sporting a concerned look as he looked him over, “I’ll be fine. Do whatever you always do with Yeol whenever you both are out and come back home when you want to.”

A moment of hesitancy, once again, from Byun Baekhyun, Kyungsoo sees of course but doesn’t want to pry. He wants his friends to have their happily ever after. Since I am not, his petty brain provides.

“Just go, Baek, no one can harm me when I’m alone,” he tries to say, “Surely Yeol would love to spend time with you this weekend, too. I’m not taking you from him just because of my petty boyfriend problems.”

“That’s that, though, Soo,” the other says, voice velvet and full of concern, “No one’s harming you but yourself.”

Oh well, he know about that but what can he do? He is helplessly- maybe, undeniably in love with one of the most perfect person in the whole universe but he just let him go. The realization hit him once he figured that one week without the other was getting a little bit too much for his poor heart. It was better than hurting him, though, his Jongin, because at least that meant that he got to save the man he loves from him- impending doom.

“I’ll be fine,” he just repeated, looking pointedly at his friend for him to see the truth in his eyes.

“Alright,” his friend sighed, “Call me, please, if a silly idea passes your mind.”

“Thanks for caring, Baek,” he answers, “But I am not that out of my mind.”

The other just waves his hand at him and disappears from his sight. A few minutes later, Chanyeol’s booming voice announced that they’re going and the closing of the front door is the last sound he heard.

With nothing else to do, he decides to drown himself in his thoughts and soon falls asleep.

He wishes to dream of his one and only love, Kim Jongin.

-

Who knew the ceiling could change every time you blink? Jongin thought to himself, lying face up on the bed he’s been living on for the last week.

It must have been hours since Chanyeol left and he had eaten the chicken his friend brought but here he was still a lazy butt and staying in his den, his own cocoon of bitterness and fantasy. Time seemed to just pass, he’s not really sure. The courage his friend gifted him was far gone and his thoughts were nowhere near to a plan. Thoughts were an understatement, actually, he downright wasn’t thinking at all.

Well, he belatedly guesses the reason the ceiling changed was because the sun has risen higher, nearing noon maybe, and he has been staring up the whole time.

A knock startles him out of his reverie, if it should even be called as that.

“Hey, dude, we’ll be heading out,” Luhan sticks his head in the door opening, looking fresh.

“Oh, okay. I’ll be leaving, too, then. I guess…” he answers warily, already thinking of where to crash for the whole afternoon. He doesn’t want to stay in if his friends are not- it’s not his residence for him to decide anyway and he definitely doesn’t want to be in public with them, he has learned his lesson.

“Chanyeol came earlier this morning, right?” the other inquired offhandedly.

“Yup, thanks for that,” he says in gratitude, “You shouldn’t have but thank you.”

“No worries, Jongin-ah. It’s just that… you look like hell. Not that I know how hell looks like but you seem close.”

He feels like it to, if he’d be honest.

“I must be bothering you, then,” he supplies.

“Nope, no,” the elder says, opening the door more to lean on the wall, “It’s concern, Jongin. You were a sunflower the first day we met and now… I don’t know. It looks like the sun isn’t shining on you anymore.”

He heaves a big breath, making sure to taste the salty air he has accustomed himself to.

“The sun hasn’t risen for me since that day, Luhan,” he says, his tone monotonous, “I think that is the problem. He’s the sunshine I only need.”

Luhan looks at him, eyes filled with gleam. “You sound like me, or Sehun, maybe. You sound deeply in love.”

“I am.”

“Get him back, then. Run to him and let him shine on you and you be his water,” the other pushes, “I believe that is why Chanyeol came.”

“I don’t know how to… I don’t know what to… do.”

“Why don’t you start by fixing yourself up,” Luhan suggests, “Well, physically, for that matter. Start retracing yourself in your dorm, home, and I’m sure you’ll know what to do once you’re there.”

“Well, I could try…” he says uncertainly, not really thinking of pursuing any plan within 24 hours.

“You should,” the older insisted, “It’s now or never. I’ll give you ten minutes to get ready.”

“What? Wait-,“ he tries to say, falling off the bed as he tossed himself to the door, too late for the other to pay him any attention.

The hell with it, he just concludes. He’ll need to head out anyway since- he reminds himself -this is not his place to stay at the whole day.

Jongin stands up, heads for the shower and grabs his last set of clean clothes. Well, at least I have a reason to peek inside the dorms.

He closes his eyes as the cold water hits his skin and he sees his beloved, the love of his life, Kyungsoo.

-

He’s been lying for hours now, he guesses. It’s just that it feels like he is sleeping because whether his eyes are open or not, the younger invades not only his sight but all his senses. Call it being hyperaware of your beloved but Kyungsoo can’t help it anyways.

The curtains are shut and no light peeps in the room- just as Jongin likes, Kyungsoo muses. How ironic is it that he’s doing everything a Kim Jongin would do? Like sleeping in, lying around even though there is a lot of other possible things to do, lying on his bed and of course daydreaming at ungodly hours. The sun is shining brightly outside, which he saw before he shut the blinds when he got tired squinting his eyes because of too much shine, but here he is, nothing new, stuck inside his house.

Nothing new, he repeats in his mind, knowing that he has been kept indoors since God knows when.

Kyungsoo flips around, looking for the best position in Jongin’s bed so that he can hopefully fall into slumber. He adjusts himself more comfortably on the mattress, inhaling the left traces of scent the younger still has on the bed, before closing his eyes in satisfaction.

It may be in his dreams, or maybe somewhere between sleep and awake, when he hears the front door open. Since he isn’t a hundred percent sure whether or not he is in reality, he paid it no heed, paying attention to his drooping eyes as he coils back into unconsciousness. Not minutes have passed when Jongin’s scent seemed to be more profound, like he was by the door and the wind blew past him which caused his smell to scatter in the room, reaching his spot in the room.

Let me not wake up, Kyungsoo thinks as the scent got stronger and the heat of the afternoon mingling with it made smelling it even better. He’s had dreams of an angel the past week and now he knows that the heavenly creature is his Jongin- there was no other explanation. With that, he chose to just dream forever and never wake up if that means that he gets to see his angel- the very image of him, because he has memorized Jongin that way and even smell his scent for the length of it.

Kyungsoo does just that. He revels himself in the smell that fills the room and his insides. He smiles in his sleep, knowing that where he is, that is where he’d forever want to be.

There is something, though, that wakes him up- or snaps him out of his reverie; like anything else, he’s not entirely sure. A hearty chuckle, like the bells ringing but on a lower tone- something that he has accustomed himself to hearing, the one that he knows.

Jongin.

If you ask him how he knows or is sure that the laugh came from Jongin, don’t. He just does- that is the only explanation valid. However, the sound didn’t even last for more than 3 seconds, making him conclude that whatever he heard was a dream. Why would Jongin be here in the first place?

“I’ll be waiting for your call,” Jongin had said that night. Clearly, he hasn’t made a move or more like he isn’t moving at all.

“I hope you find the answer soon,” he now remembers. What answer does he still need, though?

“Why don’t you figure it out and come back to me once you have an answer?” was what the younger said before that. It isn’t also like he doesn’t know the answer, though. It’s just that Jongin is the answer. Everything, all, leads to the younger.

That’s right. Why haven’t I thought about that? The answer was, is and always will be Kim Jongin.

Kyungsoo opens his eyes in realization, blinking a few more times to adjust his eyes to the darkness in the room. And he blinks a few times more because his eyes seemed to be failing him. Why? Because Kim Jongin- the man who’s been in his mind since God knows when is standing by the door, that’s why. And it’s not just any door; it’s their door- the door to their room. It’s like in his half-dream half-reality a while ago. However right now, the other is really there.

Wow.

He sits up, fluttering his eyes for good measure. I may be dreaming, what do I know?

“Are you awake, then?” the chocolate-y voice he knows muses. Jongin.

“Umm…” he mutters, his throat failing him from the lack of use, which makes the man by the door laugh.

He swallows before trying once again, not even a tad bit irritated though he knows he’s the funny one, “Jongin? Is… that you?”

The man at the door bows, seeming to check himself all over, and answers, “Yes, yes this is me.”

“I’m… well,” Kyungsoo’s unsure voice starts, stretching his legs and putting it on the floor, “I am not dreaming. Am I?”

“Well,” the man says, prolonging the l’s of the word, “I don’t think you are, Kyungsoo.”

His name being said reverberated in his insides, making a thousand memories flash in his mind, happiness reigning and making him feel whole.

“Jongin?” he asks again, making a decision. The man’s head tilts.

“Yes, Soo?” is the answer thrown at him.

After having heard that, Kyungsoo jumped from the bed and threw himself to the unsuspecting body standing at the door, colliding and making them almost fall- if not for the other’s quick reflexes, of course, that kept them steady.

“Whoa, baby,” the other cautions, hugging him by the waist to keep them balanced, “No need to rush, I’m not going anywhere.”

“You aren’t?” Kyungsoo tentatively asks, not sure of the situation but only sure of the younger.

“Nope,” Jongin answered him, his lips puckering from saying the letter p, before sporting a faraway look, “Unless I should? Do you want me to go?”

“No!” he said painfully. Not once in his life did he want that.

“Okay then, Soo,” the other said, and Kyungsoo felt the other body relax, “Whatever you want.”

They stayed like that, Jongin leaning on the door and Kyungsoo tightly wrapped around his arms. Seconds, minutes passed, with only their breathing as the sound being heard. Maybe they were both relieving each other’s company, a week being too long since they never had to separate more than a day before. The smaller could have started humming with the younger swaying them side to side; then they’d stop again just to hug each other.

An hour, or maybe two, had passed when the smaller stretched his legs, slowly peering at the man he’s hugging. He should’ve figured already, but the younger was staring back down at him just as he looked. Jongin smiled at him when he didn’t flinch away from his eyes.

“Hey,” the taller whispered, “Have you really woken up? I think you continued sleeping here in my arms.”

“It’s comfortable,” he mumbles, glancing at the floor to prevent his cheeks to redden as the younger’s words hit him.

“That’s good, then,” the other answers, weaving his hands through Kyungsoo’s hair, making the smaller look back at him again, “If you don’t mind, don’t look down. I’ve lived without looking at you for a week and even my memory isn’t that perfect because you look more marvelous than in my dreams.”

“You’re so cheesy,” Kyungsoo says, failing to hide his face from the younger for his hold on his face was so firm.

“Is that why you threw me out?” Jongin jokingly inquired.

“Excuse you, Jongin, but you were the one who did that to yourself,” the older accuses, pointing his finger at his boyfriend’s shoulder.

“I must request for you to leave,” the taller quotes, releasing the other’s waist for a moment to draw quotation marks in the air whilst pointedly looking at him, “You were so polite.”

“And you did! I just requested for it,” the other excuses, scrunching his nose on the other’s shoulder, more accustomed to this kind of a fight between them.

“I don’t think I had the right to not follow your words,” Jongin dutifully argued, seeming to know that the elder would act like this, “You were pretty adamant with your, uh, request.”

“Of course you had every right to do just that!” the older almost shouts, “You are my boyfriend and it’s your claim if you’d want to follow me or not.”

“I’d love to follow you, Soo, anywhere,” the younger proclaimed, “But not there.”

“You…” the other looked at him closely, “Of course not there.”

“Of course,” Jongin repeated, melting at the other’s look at him.

Once again, time stilled, the stress both received from the whole week apart dawning on them, washing them clean. The two men stared at each other’s eyes, swimming in their emotions, grasping the reality that they are reunited.

It’s the taller that moves first, caressing the squishy cheek of the other, implying what he wanted to do and then starts at his forehead. And then its fingers start tracing the other’s eyebrows, moving to its eyelids then the bags under the wide eyes, making the owl-eyes looking at him flutter close. He then traces the other’s nose, from top to bottom, before finally moving to the heart-shaped lips beneath it, feeling how plump it is. The finger stops its adventure after touching the sharp jaw and lifting the face to his using the tip of his finger on the smaller’s chin. The older’s eyes open, the younger’s breath fanning it, panting with the sudden proximity of their faces. None of them moves, though.

“I love you,” Jongin breathes, looking intently to the eyes on him, “With all my heart, Do Kyungsoo.”

Once again, a myriad of emotions pass through Kyungsoo: gratitude, fear, helplessness, strength, pain, happiness and love. He doesn’t want to end up like his mother; he’d trade everything he has just to have the one he loves right in his arms. Kyungsoo will never let anyone take Jongin away from him, not now. Not now that he knows and has accepted that he can and may be in love with the man who has always been with him. He is with the person who taught him what and how love is. And he’ll protect that no matter what.

If it means letting go of himself and making Jongin rule him over with affection and heart, he’d do it. So he smiles, a wide one, the one he knows the younger loves to see- the heart-shaped smile just for him.

“And I, you, Jongin,” he declares, finally saying it out loud and meaning it, “I’ll return all the love you’ve given me, tenfold, if it means I’ll never lose you.”

Kyungsoo’s voice caught at the last words, choking himself, making him cough and avoid seeing the shock that flashed in the younger’s eyes. When he looked up, though, the taller was looking at him with such a heavy emotion- something he can’t pinpoint, a first. It was more than admiration, or awe, or astonishment and amazement… It was love with a thousand more emotions related to that. Soon after, the younger’s eyes were turning glassy, like water was filling it, making Kyungsoo still.

“Jongin,” he whispers, making sure that the other is still with him, before a finger touches his lips close.

“Can you…” the younger starts, voice uneven, “Can you repeat that?”

“Repeat what?” he innocently replied.

“What you said,” Jongin patiently answers, “It was my first time hearing it, you see.”

Hear what? Kyungsoo thinks. And thinks. And thinks more, ignoring the eyes that are still on him.

Oh!

“I love you,” he says, pronouncing each word aloud, making the words sink in, “I love you, always, Kim Jongin.”

They stay still for a moment, drinking in their new found love, their pillar. Both are caught up in their own feelings and bubble, until the younger grins big until his eyes get lost and shape into crescents. It’s a smile the older hasn’t seen before but it’s now his favorite.

Smiling turned to laughing and the taller of the two carried the smaller and spun him into the room, making them both burst out laughing. Happiness was spreading in the room and they knew this is what they wanted. Ending up in the middle of the room, the younger put down the older and held him so close it should have been uncomfortable.

“I’m going to kiss you,” Jongin said, looking at him with heady eyes, “And you’re gonna reciprocate.”

“Gladly.”

It was all Kyungsoo got to say before his lips were claimed, molding into his mouth. Declaring their love for each other, they kissed passionately, going hard then returning to being soft for the length of it- tasting each other and remembering the walls of their mouths, leaving no space unscathed. If only they didn’t need to breathe, they wouldn’t have stopped, but they’re human and they ended up panting for air. They stayed in each other’s arms, though, not letting each other go even for a moment.

“Wow,” the taller of the two said after a few minutes, still lost in the intensity of the kiss.

“Yeah,” the smaller answered, “It’s exhilarating.”

“Because it’s you,” the other teased, touching his finger to the older’s nose, “Always you.”

“Ditto,” the elder easily replied, breathing in a lot of air.

Jongin then noticed the crumpled sheets and the seemingly messy bed of his, which is never like that- since he has Kyungsoo to fix it, of course, and cocked his head to see that the bed of his boyfriend seemed immaculate. Kyungsoo, of course, followed his gaze, turning red when he knows that the younger must have assumed things already.

“Hmmm,” the younger mused, pulling the other with him to lie down on his already messed up sheets.

The older didn’t answer, though, and just let Jongin drag him close beside him. Kyungsoo had got to admit though, lying beside the younger is way better than sleeping on his bed alone or on this bed with just the other’s scent on it. Way, way better.

Facing each other, tanned to a blushing pale skin, keeping each other in their own arms, was perfect - for both of them, at least.

“We’ll need to talk, you know,” Jongin broke the silence, his voice loud in the hushed room.

“Yes,” the other agreed, “I’m game for now.”

“Now?” the younger incredulously asked, “Oh, okay.”

“Okay.”

“So…”

“Yeah?” was the answer he said.

“Soo,” the younger whined and he just looked at him, not knowing how to start the conversation.

“Okay, look-,“ Kyungsoo started to say.

“I’m sorry,” the younger cut him, “I should have told you I had something to do that afternoon.”

“What? No, Jongin, I am not like that, you know that. You can do anything you want to, you’re my boyfriend but I do not hold your life,” the older babbles, “It is actually me who should apologize. I jumped to conclusions and we ended up like this. I was jealous, you see. But that doesn’t matter now. You’re here, it’s all I need. I’ll change, I’ll be what you want me to be, what you need me to be. Soon you’ll be proud to call me your boyfriend and no one will ever take you away from me. But I really am sorry.”

“Baby,” the other coos him, weaving his hand through the smaller locks, “No need for apologizing, there isn’t anything to forgive, you’ve done nothing wrong. Also, you don’t need to change anything, I love you because you’re, well, you. I don’t need any more seasonings or salt & pepper added, if it’s you, I’m content.”

Jongin doesn’t let the older respond, instead kissing him with an intensity wherein both of them would surely lose their control. Maybe that was what Jongin wanted, needed maybe, Kyungsoo doesn’t know. He falls deeper into the moment, though, letting the younger lead, molding their mouths together- tasting, biting, licking, anything to claim their names on each other.

It’s the taller who moves first, sitting up to make the older end up underneath him, their breaths mingling when they had the chance to fill up their lungs. They continued, bruising each other’s lips, until the younger ended up caging the smaller and they reveled in the heat that was reverberating between them.

“Make love with me,” Jongin huskily whispered when he ended up biting the older’s ear during the heady process.

“Don’t I always?” was the answer he gave.

Aside from the sexy smirk, Jongin’s eyes on him were so soft and emotional that Kyungsoo reached up to him, putting his hands on the other’s neck, pulling him down for one of their many first kisses. They got lost in each other for a while, until the both thrust forward and their hardening members ached in the contact made- both of them groaning loud their neighbors would probably knock at their door to tell them to keep it down (not that it was ever noisy anyway, it was a first time).

“Jongin,” the older pleaded, looking at the other set of eyes with want, “Please.”

The younger, stunned, just nodded in return before setting back to kissing him- slowly probing his hands to the body underneath him and once his hands grasped what he wanted, he lifted up the smaller’s shirt to take it off, scraping the skin underneath it which earned him an earthy moan. Once the top was off, Jongin stopped his assault on his lips to sit up and admire the person beneath him. Kyungsoo felt exposed, not the literal way, but it was a good thing, too. Jongin needed to know him.

He was ready.

“I love you,” Jongin muttered, letting the words flow.

“And I you,” he easily answered, seeming to be unable to stop now that he has started, “I lived knowing I didn’t deserve to love and be loved, Jongin, but you and your stubborn head came and changed all that.”

“Stubborn, huh?” the younger asked, removing his own tee off his sweaty body. Kyungsoo’s breath caught, the younger smirked at him again. “I still don’t get it, though. Five years and you still can’t accept the fact that I love you.”

“I do now, Jongin,” the older softly said, caressing the other’s face before moving to its exposed body, relishing himself in the hiss that the younger did when the contact was made.

“Explain, love, please,” the taller said, moving down to remove the smaller’s sweats, revealing his own boxers on the said body. Jongin couldn’t help himself from smiling smugly. Kyungsoo paid him no heed, concentrating on answering the question before his head shut down.

“It’s just that,” he started, panting heavily, “I don’t know if you know but my mom died when I needed her most. I needed her but she didn’t.”

“How could someone not want you?” the younger asked him, standing to remove his lower garments. He was fishing his hand through the bedside drawer, producing a bottle of lubricant. He tossed it to the younger just as he was crawling back up the bed. “Pardon my words, Soo, I just can’t see the logic in that.”

“Neither did I,” he whispered, the younger stroking his cheeks in comfort, “I was young and I had no one but my mother, having been abandoned by relatives and my own father even before I was born, she was the best thing that happened in my life- or not.”

“Don’t say that, baby,” Jongin mumbled before reaching down and grabbing the hem of his boxers that were on the older and pulling it down harshly, making the hard member stick upwards. “You know, like I do, that you love her.”

“Still,” he reasoned, shivering when the cold touched his groin, luckily the younger wrapped his hot fingers around it, stroking it up and down, “She said she didn’t love me anymore. She almost threw me out to the streets. Almost.” His voice cracked at the last words and he closed his eyes to will the tears away.

“But she didn’t,” the taller easily answered, moving down to set himself by Kyungsoo’s torso, his breath hot on the throbbing entrance, “She had all the will and right to do so but it never happened. I think that very well means that she cared about you still.”

“I was young- oh God,” he squeaked, halting whatever he was about to say, when the younger’s tongue licked its way into his ass, rimming his way in. Kyungsoo grabbed the other’s hair, wanting to pull the head away from his bottom but not being able to, and ended up just tugging it in want. “She was sick; I didn’t understand the nature of it- oh yes! More, more, Jongin please, please,” he cried in pleasure, the younger abusing his assault on his leaking entrance, “One day she still loved me, the other she didn’t. It started there, every night she would complain how much of a nuisance I was, screaming and shouting for me to go- begged even, said that she shouldn’t have given birth to me.”

“What sickness was it?” the taller hurriedly asked, peeping to look up at him through the penis on his hand. Kyungsoo needed a breather with what Jongin was doing to him.

“Cancer,” he replied, hissing in loss when the younger stopped and went back to his position a while ago. The sound of the lube bottle opening was heard and next thing he knew, Jongin was positioning his hard cock in front of his opening.

“If the cancer cells reach the brain, it may trigger that kind of outcome. Some say that patients would hold their biggest grudge to the person dearest to them. Whom they love, or well loved, most,” Jongin babbled but he already knew that. Instead, though, he was looking at the person on top of him, drowning in the awe and love and lust that were there- getting lost in them like he always used to. He must have been sporting the same expression and feelings, or at least he wished he was, because the other seemed to be lost for a moment.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be, Jongin-ah.”

No one ever said it was easy but he dreamed to be this close to Jongin, to someone he knew he’d love until they proved forever was true, to be connected in the most possible way there is- he accepted everything as the younger very slowly pushed himself inside him. It was too hot on his skin and even hotter inside his body and his entry was too tight for the younger’s manhood to fit in, but that didn’t stop them both. He wrapped his legs around the other’s waist and pulled him toward him, not stopping until he felt balls dangling near his tailbone.

He didn’t notice that his eyes were tightly shut until Jongin kissed both his eyelids and willed them open.

“We can always stop, you know,” Jongin whispered, now caressing his face, the tears that escaped his eyes increasing in number when he realized it was already flowing, “We don’t have to prove anything to each other. There will be another time for this.”

How ironic, Kyungsoo thought, he says that now that his dick is deep inside me. It’s not like he wanted this to be halted either, in any way.

“Don’t make an idiot of yourself,” he contradicted, going in way with his thoughts, “I want this as much as you do.”

“True,” the other easily agreed at first, “Doesn’t change the fact that you’re crying, though.”

“It’s not because of you, silly,” he laughed, why did he have an audacity to do it? No one knows, “It’s because I’m overflowing with emotion. Don’t be full of yourself, though, because you’re not the reason,” now he was teasing, great, “My world doesn’t revolve around you, you know.”

“Is that so?” the younger asked in monotone, keeping a straight face as he leaned down to kiss him full on the lips. They didn’t stop until their lungs were screaming for oxygen. “I’ll make you change your mind.”

He was supposed to retort back but the younger suddenly pulled out of him and slammed back in one swift motion, making his whole body curl in pleasure and want, with his eyes rolling back. He moaned loud, almost screaming in pure ecstasy once Jongin found his rhythm and jammed himself in and out of him, rough and hard. Both knew they were not going to last with the way the taller was pounding in his entrance but their words flew out of the window when the end of Jongin’s cock hit a certain bundle of nerves inside him and his sight turned to white.

“More! Right there, ugh,” he helplessly said, gripping on the bed sheets for dear life, thrashing around when the other complied with his hasty request. Both sides were attacking each other, pushing up while the other pushed down, answering each other’s call of names, moaning them together, blending and dancing with each other, keeping up the beat they both set.

It was hard to breathe now, both of them nearing their peak, but struggling to keep the momentum going. Kyungsoo was horrified of jerking off his semen without him jacking himself off but nothing seemed to matter but Jongin being inside him at that moment. Not for Jongin though, of course, and he seemed urgent when he grabbed the neglected member- stroking it with such force it would have hurt, but the older was deep in sexual gratification to notice.

“I can’t hold on any longer, baby,” Jongin moaned, groaning when the smaller pushed harder towards him.

“Same here,” was the answer he gave after a few seconds, peeping through his lidded eyes to chance a look at the younger, “Together?”

“Together.”

Their promise held a lot of meaning and one of it was accomplished when they both spurted their seed on each other: Jongin inside him and Kyungsoo all over the younger’s hand. It was white all over, from their sweet ejaculation to the blindness in their eyes.

Jongin pumped into the body underneath him a bit more, letting everything pour out of him, before pulling out- making both of them groan in loss. Feeling exhausted, Kyungsoo moved to the side to let the taller sneak in beside him and he blushed when he saw the other licking his cum off his hand. He did feel a little bit stickier and hotter than he wanted but he didn’t want to stand up and clean the evidence of their love-making. So, he didn’t mind that much when the younger fitted himself beside him and snuggled to his side.

If Kyungsoo were to be honest with himself, he was feeling sated and lightheaded with the activity that ensued just moments ago. All because of Kim Jongin. He smiled.

“What are you smiling about?” he heard the curious voice at his ear.

“Nothing,” he didn’t need Jongin asking him these kinds of questions right now.

“If you say so,” the younger concluded, “Tell me this, though, why didn’t you think you deserved love?”

Oh.

“Because my mom said it, of course, and when I brooded over it as days passed by… it just seemed right,” he said, his thoughts jumbled.

“Why, though?”

“What do you mean?” he wasn’t getting what Jongin wanted to say.

“Why did you think, or why did it seem right, in your perspective?” the younger urged.

“Well…” he thought of the reason, not filtering his brain from his mouth this time, “I concluded that it was the reason why my dad left and not one of our relatives wanted us, me, and why my mom said all those things- whether she was sick or not, though I agree with what you said earlier, I also know that there is always a little truth in what they say -and why, again, none of my relatives dared to adopt me when I was left alone to cope. Even school wasn’t helping, at first, everyone knew of my misfortunes in life and I died seeing all the pitiful looks people threw at me.”

“A little,” the younger repeated, clearly not wanting Kyungsoo to hate his mom forever, “You let me in your house, though.”

“You turned it into a home.”

“I did?”

“Helplessly so, though I wouldn’t want to admit that you did,” Kyungsoo grinned to the man beside him, “Ever since mom got sick, I was my own island. I didn’t quite like it when you just got into my life and did as you did.”

“Well you aren’t complaining now,” the taller chuckled, snatching a kiss on his lips.

“I would never,” he proclaimed, “You brought me back to life and taught me to love.”

Silence hanged between them, Kyungsoo didn’t notice at first. But then the younger’s breath fanned his cheek and when he glanced at him, a look of reverence was on the other’s face.

“Are you okay, Jongin?” he asked in worry, checking if the younger’s forehead was hot.

“I’m more than okay, Soo,” Jongin said with a smile on his face, “I’m elated, in cloud 9, probably. I must be the happiest man in the planet right now. I want to jump in joy and scream in glee.”

“What turned that on?” he asked in confusion. The other answered by tapping long dark finger to his straight nose.

“Me?” he asked, more confused than a while ago.

“Yes, you,” Jongin confirmed, “You said I taught you how to love and that means a lot to me, you know.”

“It’s the truth.”

“More reason for me to be happy.”

“Whatever.”

“I still think we need to talk about something, though,” the younger piped.

“What else is there to talk about?” he demanded.

“I am happy for us to be confessing and saying how much in love we are, I really am, but don’t you think we need to talk about what triggered it?” Jongin prompted, facing him and forcing him to look at him waggling his eyebrows.

“We don’t need to talk about that anymore,” he dismissed; it was his mind working wrong, that’s why this happened.

“I think we do, though,” the younger defended, “Not that I want it, but what if it happens again?”

“I promise that-,“ he starts to say only to be butted in.

“You were pretty mad.”

“I was but you know, Jongin-,“ but said man cut him again.

“You see. That is the reason why we should converse about it.”

“But Jongin-,” he tries to say only to be overpowered again.

“No, Soo,” the younger firmly says, “It’s a different feeling to know you were jealous, though.”

“Hey,” the older scolds, smacking the others back for his hands were there, “That’s not good.”

“Just a thought,” Jongin says, “In actual reality, though, Luhan is definitely not someone you should be jealous of.”

Okay, Kyungsoo thinks, this is the crux of it. Fine, we’re talking about it.

Jongin knows better now, though, and he edits his words for the elder to understand what he wants to say.

“I mean, you should see him, meet each other, you know,” the younger explains, “Because he won’t be meeting you without his boyfriend who I may say is the best looking noodle out there. Why noodle? He’s slim and long. That’s all I can say, though, because every time I look at the two of them it’d be either they’re hogging each other or ogling at each other like they don’t live together. Ugh! They’re, like, stuck to each other 24-7 and I was starting to get sick of it. If I didn’t believe they were in love and has been together for almost 7 years now, I’d think that they were just a new couple who loves public display of affection.”

Kyungsoo takes in all the information Jongin said, registering each and every word in his head, his smile getting bigger as each second passed.

“You should hear them at night, though,” the younger says through gritted teeth, “It made me pull my hair out of my head.”

The older chuckles, making Jongin laugh with him.

“Well,” Kyungsoo says between giggles, “I guess I’d need to thank them for making you run back here.”

“Luhan did tell me to be a man and do it,” the other says, “Which could roughly be translated to ‘suck your own dick or his, what’d you choose?’ ‘Cause he’s subtle that way.”

“That’s being subtle?” Kyungsoo laughed.

“For Luhan, it is,” the younger answered.

“He sounds great,” the older then says.

“Not at night, hyung,” Jongin looks at him, making him remember his words, letting them sink in.

“Oh,” Kyungsoo answered, more concerned with the way his heart leaped from having Jongin call him hyung again that of the fact about his friend.

“Yes, hyung, oh,” the other repeats and his heart jumps in joy. So he laughs out loud.

“You think that’s funny, huh?” the younger inquires, scratching his nose to the older’s forehead, “You laugh now but I suffered big time and I can’t wait ‘til you get to experience that, too.”

“I wasn’t laughing at you, silly, and I think Yeol and Baek are in par to them,” Kyungsoo answered, bumping his head to the other’s lips, “I was laughing because it felt good when you called me hyung again.”

“Hyung~” the younger called to him, a sound to his ears.

“Yes, Jongin, I love it when you call me that.”

“Okay, hyung,” the other replies.

“It really does sound great,” the older approved.

“Whatever you say, hyung,” Jongin said.

“But that doesn’t mean you’ll say it in every sentence or phrase you’ll tell me,” Kyungsoo reprimanded.

“But you love it, hyung,” the younger teased him, suddenly peppering his face with kisses.

“Yes,” the older laughed in reply, “I do.”

So they both laughed, and got tired of it after a few minutes, just once again reveling in the feel of each other. It must have been their sudden exercise earlier but both were looking exhausted and drained.

Maybe it was Jongin, Kyungsoo thinks, who falls asleep first, who knows. It didn’t stop him to caress the other’s face, though, and whisper something he’d surely always say from now on.

“I love you.”

-

It was a few days after or maybe months, when their best friends asked them out for a double date. It’s something they hadn’t done before and both parties were very excited about it.

They were currently walking to the restaurant they wanted to go to.

“I swear, if they don’t stop that,” Chanyeol whispered to his boyfriend, threatening the boys in front of him, “I’ll cancel this.”

“Don’t be too hard, Yeol,” Baekhyun soothed his boyfriend, also grabbing the bigger hands to him, “This is the first time they’re like this.”

“I do not love it, though,” the younger grumbled, letting Baekhyun weave their fingers together.

They were behind a couple, just like them, tall to short but pale to tan. The two were, for once, holding hands whilst walking along the busy street they’re in and were sporting big wide smiles at each other, seeming oblivious to whoever or whatever was around them.

Do Kyungsoo was finally holding hands with Kim Jongin on the street, anywhere and anytime, actually. The younger was also due for his recital the next week; where, of course, his boyfriend will be cheering him in- adding to whatever may happen on the dance floor. After a long time, the couple who were helplessly and irrevocably in love with each other, is just like the others; not your typical couple, it was more of a deep-loving relationship that they shared. No one may know the depth of that but, hey, only they should be aware.

They were in love; finally finding peace and happiness in each other.

End.