[A26] CROSSING CURVES AND CIRCLES (TO GET TO YOU) (4/4)
Prompt Code: A26
Title: Crossing Curves and Circles (to get to you)
It was late at night when they reached home. Eunmi was already asleep in her room, hugging her plush Pororo toy Jongin got for her back in the arcade during that time at the mall.
Kyungsoo walked Jongin out of the house. It was again, one of those times they were left alone on the front porch accompanied only by a fluorescent light.
“Thank you for today. It really made Eunmi happy. It was her first time to go there, I mean the theme park.” Kyungsoo had his arms folded, rubbing himself for warmth as the nights were getting colder. Once more, unspoken words. Words are bubbling from his throat which he couldn’t speak out. Let the silence speak for itself.
Jongin was too close to Kyungsoo’s comfort, but he didn’t back away. It was odd. Jongin’s warmth was seeping out, trying to mingle with Kyungsoo’s heat. One step more, Jongin would be entering the danger zone. “How about you, did I make you happy?”
Looking up at Jongin’s mesmerizing eyes, Kyungsoo said in all honesty, “If my daughter is happy, I am happy too.” It was the truth. He felt exultant speaking those words. He couldn’t choose his words for the short amount of time. That was the real answer to it though.
“Get it straight Kyungsoo.” Jongin’s smile was too dangerous for Kyungsoo to see, it made him stiffen from the sight, it made his breath hitch, the warmth seeping out from Jongin wasn’t helping too, and then that stupid, yet triumphant smile of Jongin had him weak in the knees and fuzzy in the head. He had to cover himself with a facade of being unaffected.
“You did,” Kyungsoo answered without breaking eye-contact, applauding himself internally for not wavering. “It was fun.”
Truth.
That feeling of uneasiness crept into Kyungsoo’s bones again as he couldn’t get off his eyes on Jongin’s lips tugging from ear to ear.
“I’m happy,” Jongin was grinning and Kyungsoo had the urge to touch his cheek and caress it with his hand. But just by thinking about it got him to do it for real. Jongin had his eyes closed from the contact, a gentle smile on his peaceful face. “Kyungsoo,” He called tenderly, eyes fluttering open and his gaze bore on Kyungsoo, his fingers climbed up to trace his lips before leaning in for a kiss.
The kiss was soft and passionate, filled with hunger and longing. It was their first, it was fiery yet cool. It felt perfect, it was warm. It was indescribable. No fireworks like how kisses were described, but it got both their minds turned blank. Worries, emptiness, uncertainty, all of them leapt out from their heads and chests. The kiss was relaxing and felt like they needed it for long. It was careful and sweet. It was a kiss of belongingness.
When Kyungsoo emitted a sound of satisfaction, that was when he realized what he was doing and he pushed Jongin off from him, wiping his lips with his arm, running out of breath. His eyes were brimming with disbelief as sparks of shock and incredulity hit him immensely.
He couldn’t help but chastise himself in his mind like a chant without an end. He did it again. He broke his promise to himself. He got attached. He did, and it was a huge mistake. He was so devastated.
He shook his head in disappointment. Jongin looked so broken.
“Kyungsoo I can explain - “ said Jongin, but Kyungsoo was holding up his hand to stop him from taking further steps.
But Kyungsoo’s lips were trembling and his eyes were tearing up. Tears cascaded down his eyes, yet his expression looked stoic. He had a hardened face on, one that was hard to break. Kyungsoo hated to cry. He never cried for four years since Eunmi came to his life. He promised he would never cry again after that time that person left him because of the human being in him. He never cried when he got hurt when he was a child, when his father got into an accident and died, no he never cried. He didn’t know how to cry until that happened, but now - tears, salty, no, it tasted bitter and rough on his lips.
He shook his head again, emphasizing his dismay he didn’t know if for Jongin or for himself but the only thing he knew what to do at that moment was to get inside the house and slam the door close.
He was upset at himself. Crying was the zone he didn’t want to visit again. Yet, there he was.
.
From: Jongin
Talk to me please.
From: Jongin
Please don’t ignore me.
From: Jongin
I miss you and Eunmi.
From: Jongin
I didn’t regret that night Kyungsoo.
From: Jongin
I didn’t. Just please hear me out.
From: Jongin
Please.
.
Kyungsoo didn’t need to count.
Since that day they kissed, Kyungsoo didn’t bring up Jongin to Eunmi or to his mother. It had been a week and to his relief, Eunmi didn’t look for Jongin. Maybe she still had the thought that Jongin still had a life on his own that there would be times that he wouldn’t be there with them. That was a relief to him if that was the case, although, nights had been difficult for him, days had been a burden for him, Jongin was to blame and that kiss was the reason why everything broke into pieces.
The kiss, that lingered, that stayed. The taste of pillowy lips, the feeling of Jongin’s warmth, the touch, bitter yet appealing, tempting, intoxicating - a kiss that lasted up to this day, when resentment of that same feeling in the past surged within him for the second time.
He didn’t need it. But it was infuriating him. Emotions could be maddening.
But one cold night, Eunmi just had to mention Jongin and ask, “Daddy? Why can’t I see Daddy Jongin again?”
She was on the carpeted floor playing with her dolls and Kyungsoo was in the middle of watching a game show when the question struck him. He didn’t know where his rage came from. He didn’t know whether it was from the bottled feelings in his chest, whether he just hated to hear Jongin’s name and hated to listen to Eunmi calling that man her Daddy or whether he just missed Jongin badly, the reason why he had his voiced raised at his own daughter for the first time.
“Eunmi, he’s not your daddy and he will never be! Don’t you understand that?”
“But Daddy - “ Eunmi flinched from her own father yelling at her. She got so scared that it made her cry and ran to her room. His daughter’s longing and yearning Jongin’s presence was palpable in the air, along with Kyungsoo’s frustration and fury.
“Shit!” He cussed as he realized what he just did. He slid his palm over his face in annoyance and as he got up to apologize to his daughter for what he did and tears were already pricking his eyes because he was so broken he couldn’t grasp more what to do, his mom appeared right in-front of him with a grim face on.
Facing his mom like this, he knew already that her mom had always known what happened to him and Jongin. She was his mother and she never failed to distinguish whether Kyungsoo was happy or depressed despite those times they never had the time to talk about feelings and Kyungsoo sharing his thoughts and stories. She knew her son was depressed and needing help to sort out his feelings. Guidance was what she could only offer to her son.
“Kyungsoo, don’t you think it’s time to try again?” She asked solemnly.
Kyungsoo was just finally took a closer look on how noticeable her mom’s wrinkles were now. She was getting older and what he had been doing in his life? Wallow in the past? In his misery and pull his mom down with him? God, his mom’s days were dwindling and he never did anything good to her. Why was he just realizing how terrible a son he is? Everything was crushing down at him. All at once. He felt like he was already shouldering the universe.
Kyungsoo tried to step forward to get to Eunmi’s room, but his mom blocked him. He was trying very hard not to spill a tear. Fucking tears.
“Mom, it’s better not to try getting hurt again.” Was his poor answer, yet abundant in meanings. He was making it hard. He was making it complicated when somewhere within himself, this, whatever this fucking was, was just an easy foe. He, himself was just an easy foe.
Her mom sighed in exhaustion, her tiresome face only tells how affected she was with her son’s feelings as well. She didn’t know what exactly happened, but her instincts knew it best. “But it’s worth the risk. Can’t you see that Eunmi is hurting too because of you? Because of your feelings that you can’t accept but it’s there? Why don’t you try again for Eunmi? And eventually, to yourself? The past has nothing to do with what is it now and I am your mother Kyungsoo. I know that kind of look you give to Jongin whenever he’s around. You’re in-love and it was not wrong to feel that way.”
“M-Mom…” No he wouldn’t cry. But his tears were approaching. No he couldn’t. He wouldn’t break away. So this was the answer he was looking for. No, the answer he had known but didn’t want to accept at all. He was fighting himself just because of that measly feeling of falling in-love? Do Kyungsoo, you were the stupidest man living on earth. It was an easy problem, it hit him rock bottom. Fuck world, emotions, people, fuck everything for tying him up in this misery he signed up for. He did.
“There was nothing to be afraid of. The world might ridicule you for who you are, but I am here with you Kyungsoo. Eunmi is here too. And I know for sure, Jongin too. Don’t let your fear hinder you from doing what your heart tells you. Do it Kyungsoo. Prove to everyone that someone like you can be happy too,” her mother gazed at him softly, “ - for the second time.”
Words, like needles, pricked him to wake him up from fear and darkness he veiled himself with.
“Mom,” He suddenly enveloped her mother into a tight embrace as tears pour out from his eyes. He said he wouldn’t cry, but he would admit that her mom was right. Parents knew best after all. And crying wasn’t bad after all. It helped him wash off the feelings of distress and anguish living inside him. Tears were salty but can be sweet when you were finally free from the binds you put yourself into.
Kyungsoo defeated himself victoriously.
And with a comforting hug coming from his mom and a kiss on his head, he knew that the path he would take would be the right one.
He stepped inside Eunmi’s room to apologize and Eunmi, instead gave him a tight hug.
.
Kyungsoo hated this feeling. He hated this feeling because he knew what the meaning of this was. He knew this feeling well. But he wanted to deny it. He didn’t want to accept it, but he was hurting and making it harder for him. Missing Jongin was what he hated and what he hated the most was the realization that he had already fallen in-love with the man a long ago and he couldn’t remember when it started but he was in-love, just couldn’t accept it because he never wanted to fall in-love again if he had to be honest. One heartbreak was enough for him, two would definitely break him completely and lastly, he didn’t want to fall in-love with someone by the name of Kim Jongin.
But he did and there was no turning back. Before he knew it, he had already opened his heart to the man a long ago and he had just finally admitting it now. However, the fear was still intact in his mind and heart. That fear of being left behind, of being neglected, and a new fear of having Eunmi’s heart break with this feeling he didn’t have any control at all.
Yet here he was taking every piece to complete himself once more.
From: Jongin
Can we meet and talk?
From: Jongin
Please Kyungsoo. I want to talk to you personally.
From: Jongin
Please. Just let me explain everything. That’s all and after that…if you want, I will never show myself to you and Eunmi again. Just let me explain for the last time.
From: Kyungsoo
Later. 11pm. Playground.
.
Kyungsoo had a lot of things going on inside his mind. All the possibilities and probabilities are falling hard in his mind like heavy boulder rocks, making his head ache. But here he was, nearing the said playground near their high school. This was the path he would take.
The wind blew that got him shivering. The scarf around his neck wasn’t enough to keep him warm. Maybe it was his nervousness that was making him cold. No. Maybe. Fuck, he didn’t know anymore. He was panicking inside. He was scared all over again that he was shaking. But this was the right path wasn’t it?
Once he stepped his feet at the playground, a yellowish light poured on the place from the post lamp standing on the side of the road, made him spot Jongin’s figure easily. Jongin’s back facing him. He was standing right beside a swing.
He stared at this man for the meantime, taking in that once this over, whatever the ending would be, that would be the final blow.
With a deep breath and courage he brought along, Kyungsoo padded his feet on the soiled ground towards Jongin who spun around just in time he got closer to him.
“K-Kyungsoo,”
Pulling up a strong facade, with serious eyes and a straight face, Kyungsoo spoke, “I don’t have much time so explain.”
Jongin’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. Kyungsoo was staring at it, but he drifted his eyes back to Jongin’s face. It was so noticeable how the other man had been distraught like him for days. It was apparent from the huge bags under his eyes and from that lack of glint on his eyes that Kyungsoo was so used in seeing whenever he is with them.
Jongin was gaping, hesitant to speak at first, but went on. “I didn’t fall in-love with you because I pity you,” Jongin said without breaking his eye contact with Kyungsoo, “I like you,” a pause, Kyungsoo’s eyes widened in circles, “I like you ever since you stepped in the room. Call it love at first sight whatever that is, but I had a crush on you for a long time now and the thought of bullying you was the only way I could think of to get closer to you.”
Truth. Too good to be true, too stupid for Jongin.
Kyungsoo was laughing bitterly. The days he was bullied flashed into his mind in a fast paced movement. But Jongin liked him. Jongin kissed him, liked him. Connected.
“Ah… really huh? Bullying, splendid.” He said sardonically, a twist on the corner of his lips.
“I’m sorry. It was just, you had this thick cloud following you. Imaginary cloud I mean. You looked so cold, so distant, so…” he trailed off, “s-sad, unapproachable, I just have to resort to doing that because that was the only stupid, foolish and cowardly way I could think of. I was so scared of you. Y-Your eyes…” He was speaking with all his heart, genuinely, facts that he wasn’t able to share with Kyungsoo for those times they had been in deep conversations. “You were glaring. I was so scared to approach you, so I asked my friends to join me on bullying you. Fuck,” He threw a hand on his face, distressed. “I shouldn’t have done that rightI? It was stupid. I know it’s stupid and I’m such a fool. I am, indeed, a fool, a coward. I’m an ugly person.”
Kyungsoo was taking everything all at once, too much revelation in a night. His chest was constricting and getting to know this confession had him get more annoyed at Jongin, because he was, indeed, stupidest.
Not wanting to get too overwhelmed yet with these confessions, though there were still a lot to be explained, Kyungsoo wandered off to that weirdest day ever, that fine Sunday.
“And nice putting up that puppet show by the way. Thanks to that you really fucking know how to get in my head permanently. But I hate it.” He loved the show. He hated how it stuck in him for long. It was like his own story, it was strange.
Jongin was scuffing his shoe on the soiled ground, dirty sneakers getting dirtier, eyes below. “That puppeteer was my dad. My real dad.” He confessed. “He helped me. I asked him to do the story I gave him. It was my friends’ idea. I-I was supposed to confess to you that night and you kissed me back - “
Cutting off his words, Kyungsoo squeaked. “H-He’s good.”
“Yeah. And I miss him a lot.” More unspoken words, more revelations to be revealed.
Kyungsoo could relate to those words, but his eyes were fixed at Jongin’s stiff presence right in-front of him. “I miss dad too. You’re lucky you still got a dad.” He mumbled. Things they hadn’t opened up before, gets to be revealed, little by little.
“I really like you.” Jongin was staring at him now with sincerity in his eyes, determination surging his existence. Kyungsoo just wanted to end this quick as he responded immediately.
The truth was washing him over, cleansing him to a new level of acceptance. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his heart was pounding louder against his chest, and if not only from the little courage he had with him, he would totally be on his knees now as everything was crashing on him all at once, all the emotions and all the truths that he was about to know. It was crashing him down. But he couldn’t stop himself yet from being a jerk at Jongin at this moment.
“We’re supposed to be talking about our dads.” Kyungsoo scoffed, crossing his arms in indignation.
“I’m in-love with you. I want to take care of you and Eunmi.” Jongin’s gaze didn’t falter. Kyungsoo grew stiff as like and love swirled like colors in his head and he just didn’t know what to say from the unexpected revelation of the night.
“Then stop.” His stupid mouth had blurted out, slicing the thick air to crumbles of crushed hope.
Jongin hung his head low, scuffing the sole of his shoe on the ground, again. He sounded so broken, so depressed.
“So that was what you really want?” He barely whispered and Kyungsoo was having the time of his life to be a jerk at him.
“Yeah.”
“I guess I have to keep my word then.” Jongin murmured, sighing as his shoulders hunched and he turned away to leave, a broken and depressing look coloring his face.
But Kyungsoo had other plans in mind, a whole lot more that involves Kim Jongin. Jongin really knew how to rile up Kyungsoo more.
“You’re just going to give me up and Eunmi as easy like that?!” The rose in his voice got Jongin flinching and freezing on his spot. They were an arm reached away.
Jongin already turned to face him and his eyes were already sprouting tears that it hurt Kyungsoo to see him so wrecked like this, so shattered that he didn’t want to prolong this anymore. It was really frustrating. Jongin was stupid. More than that, it was getting colder.
“But - “ Jongin was about to cry completely, but Kyungsoo was yelling in frustration.
“Jesus Christ I really hate you!”
“I know.” Jongin agreed with it instantly, sadness and hurt seeping in his wavering voice.
“Fuck this,” Kyungsoo grumbled under his breath, stepped in closer to Jongin, fisted his shirt and pulled him down to meet his lips because he had enough of this and Jongin was the right path he would take, the path to his unreachable happiness that was now in his hold.
It didn’t last for long as Kyungsoo pulled away and gave Jongin his infamous glare, “I really hate you for making me fall in-love with you. You ruined my plans - “ Jongin was incredulous, gazing right into Kyungsoo’s eyes with several emotions twisting their way in his chest and in his head. Jongin was on the verge of breaking out into a wail when this time, he was the one who kissed Kyungsoo, relaxing his shoulders while he curled his arms around Kyungsoo’s waist to give him a proper kiss which was reciprocated instantly, tears staining Kyungsoo’s cheeks, but the shorter between them didn’t pay mind.
Drawing away from the kiss, Jongin’s lips were parted to breathe, “You kissed me.”
“Well, you kissed me too. So we’re even.”
“I-I don’t understand - “
“Aish,” Kyungsoo clicked his tongue and lightly shoved Jongin in annoyance as the other man couldn’t comprehend what he was trying to say with his kiss. “Don’t you really get it? I like you too Jongin!”
Jongin’s eyes were comically wide. He was incredulous that before he could utter a word again, Kyungsoo was bringing their lips closer again for another kiss that they both yearned for. A kiss, sweet, bitter and sour. A kiss of another new morning to come.
.
The navy blue sky was blanketed with stars sparkling like diamonds. It was like a vast ocean of hopes and dreams. Jongin and Kyungsoo were staring up at it, eagle spread on the area of greens far from the lamp post’s reach. They stayed in the dark.
Jongin and Kyungsoo were still at the playground, an hour passed after their confession. They remained silent for a while, basking in the comfort of quietness and each other’s presence.
“Do you want to know about my past?” Kyungsoo asked, facing the sky, voice deep and low. “The detailed one.”
Jongin shifted and faced Kyungsoo’s direction. “If you think I’m a worthy to know it, then go ahead.”
Kyungsoo blinked in response, eyes at the sky as he started. “His name is Hyunsik. I met him in an online dating site. We talked and talked for days and I just realized that I like him. He understands me, I understand him. It’s reciprocal, so I fell in love easily.”
“So you already swing that way before you met him?”
“Yes,” Kyungsoo hummed. “Since dad died in a car accident, I was so broken so I explored on some things and I kissed a boy in some birthday party I attended and that’s it. But, back to my story…” Kyungsoo rested his hands on his stomach. “Hyunsik also told me he’s in love with me. We just confessed virtually, really. And one thing led to another, I tried having sex with him through Skype and we enjoyed it so much. A month later, we decided to meet somewhere to go to an actual date. We did date. We went to a carnival, ate street foods and - ” He paused, taking a deep breath.
“That night, he brought me to a party of his friend nearby where I live.” Kyungsoo bit his lower lip and closed his eyes tightly.
“Was it rape?” Jongin carefully asked.
Kyungsoo shook his head. “I let him do it,” he opened his eyes and blinked on the stars. “I was young and in love. I didn’t weigh my options carefully, so I just dove right there and then without thinking of the implications of what might happen between us. But, I was a fool. I held on too much with his words when he said he will not leave me no matter what and that he loves me. I was a fool Jongin. That’s why I’m very cautious with people now ever since that happened. I’m afraid to get attached with someone again and make a mistake. That fucker really did choose that day in purpose for us to date since he will be attending that goddamn party too.”
Jongin’s gaze was soft and sad. He went back lying on his back and stared up at the sky, sighing. “The world we live in is so cruel.”
Kyungsoo hummed and nodded. “And that’s it. He got me pregnant, he left me. And my friends at school started leaving me too. Mom was crying a lot that time when she found out about what happened to me. I stopped going to school for a year. I should be in college right now. But well,” there was a bitter laugh from him, “That’s what I signed up for. Since then, Mom and I kept moving from one place to another. We’re from Insadong then we moved to Yongsan-gu, Gwangjin-gu then Geumcheon.” He took a deep breath. “And whenever my classmates would find out about me having a baby and me being like this, for some reasons I don’t know about, they would spread rumors that I’m a slut or something worse. Another reason why we kept moving. I got a few friends though and they accepted who I am, but I never contacted them again. I don’t want to get too attached to them.”
“You never talked with that fucker again right?”
Kyungsoo rumbled, “No. Never. He’s a jerk. Just loves to play around and yada yada. I’d rather raise my child alone than let him in our lives. We don’t need a jerk like him.”
“He doesn’t deserve you hyung,”
Kyungsoo whipped his head at Jongin with a surprised face. “Really? Hyung?”
Jongin blushed and bit his lower lip bashfully. “You just said you’re a year ahead right?”
Laughter spilled out from Kyungsoo’s mouth and his eyes crinkled as he smiled widely, “Right.” He turned at the sky again and continued, “But you know what? I think if I didn’t get through those hardships, I wouldn’t be open to my mom. We were not close like what we are right now. She didn’t know I spend hours on the internet before chatting with a stranger and falling in love with that piece of shit Hyunsik and getting knocked up. It was just later on when she said she accepted me for who I am, that she will help me raise up Eunmi. But, I still find it hard to open up to her. Don’t you know that she’s the one who talked sense to me and told me to give love a chance again because of you? She said it was so obvious in the way I look at you that I’m in love?”
“She really did say that?” Jongin was laughing softly and it brought another wide smile on Kyungsoo’s face. “If that’s the case, I’m very happy.”
“You’re being too confident.” Kyungsoo gave Jongin a light punch on the arm. Jongin threw him a pouty look and they both laughed together.
“Still, I’m happy you have that kind of look preserved for me.”
If Kyungsoo’s a poet, he was very sure he would make poems about Jongin’s eyes and smiles and incorporate them with the stars shining above them.
Their hands soon found each other from the space in between them, fingers intertwined.
“How about my story hyung? Do you want to know about it?” Jongin asked this time and Kyungsoo squeezed Jongin’s hand tightly in response.
Jongin began. “I’m a Daddy’s Boy. That’s what my childhood friends teased me, but I would always smile at them. My father is a puppeteer. He has a lot of puppets and marionettes at home. Sometimes I play with them while dad makes a new one. Some puppets look scary, some are cute, but what I love the most are daddy’s stories.” There was a smile on Jongin’s face as he kept talking. “I always go with him to the park and he’d have shows there. I’m his little assistant. It went on until I was thirteen, but since life can be cruel at times, mom and dad decided to have a divorce.”
Kyungsoo gave Jongin an apologetic look, but Jongin didn’t stop telling him the story.
“I kept asking myself what was wrong because mom and dad never fought at home. Yes, it’s always silent at home and I admit my parents rarely talk, but I didn’t see that as a problem until the divorce papers were settled and my father,” he paused. “He didn’t want me to live with him so I went to live with my mother, here. And you know what my mother said on our way here in this town? She said, ‘Jongin, later you will meet your new father.’ That time, I yelled at my mother for the first time. She slapped me. Then when we arrived to our ‘new’ house, I met my ‘new’ father and I spit on his shoe. Rude right? But I was so angry. I was so angry with my mother I can’t see what’s wrong with my real dad for her to leave him that easily? Didn’t they get married because they want to spend a lifetime together in good times and in bad times and that shit? Really, I started to hate my mother since then and of course my stepfather who is actually a successful man with loads of money in his bank account. I hate them both.”
The wind blew and they both closed their eyes in reflex to shield them from dirt.
When it was safe to talk again, Jongin continued, “I rarely talk to my stepfather and to my mom. I’d just talk to them when they ask me questions. I know I’m rude, but I can’t accept them hurting my father. I hate them for hurting my father. I hate that guy for stealing mom away from dad and I hate my mom for falling deeply in love with that guy.”
“Jongin - ”
”I’m okay hyung. I’m really okay,” Jongin assured Kyungsoo with a smile that he was okay.
Kyungsoo continued to listen.
“Oh my god I’m crying again.” Jongin sniffled and wiped his tears with his hand. “I still meet with my father since then anyway, and remember when we met at the mall? I met with my father that time and he told me the reason why he decided it’s best for me to be with my mother and I broke down right in-front of him. They just, they just love me too much that’s why they did that for me. I was so selfish to my mother and to my stepfather. Right after our date at the mall I apologized to my mom and to my stepdad and up to now, we’re all okay. But, I’m still adjusting with my stepdad and with my mom.”
“No one knew about my family. Not even your bullies,” Jongin chuckled and Kyungsoo just smiled affectionately at him. “But they knew now. I told them. I opened up to them on that day I asked them what should I do to confess to you, because just like you, I find it hard to open up with people about my life. And it was surprising because they didn’t judge me for who I am, for who you are, for what we are after I told them. Did I just say I told them about you? Oh God hyung, please don’t hate me.”
Kyungsoo shook his head, the smile on his face not fading. “I think I’m fine now after opening up with you.”
“Me too hyung. Also, Luhan, Baek, Jongdae and Chanyeol opened up to me too. God, I just realized how blissful it is to get to know your friends more, to get to know them deeply. We were all the same; we all have issues with life. Well, no man here in earth is living without issues. Everyone has issues in their lives, in themselves.” Jongin nodded and he pulled away from Kyungsoo to blow his nose on his shirt.
“Yah! Don’t you have any hanky?” Kyungsoo sat up, appalled at Jongin’s shameless blowing of nose. But as from what Jongin said, Kyungsoo agrees. Everyone has their own issues in their lives, even the bad ones has them. Humans are humans, good or bad, we are humans, we are complicated beings.
“Sorry,” He sat up too and pouted, hair disheveled and it was apparent despite the darkness looming over them. “But you know what hyung? The reason why I didn’t stop seeing you and Eunmi - ”
Kyungsoo had his arms crossed as he watched Jongin intently. “What?” His heart was picking up in pace again.
Jongin’s smile was suddenly illuminated by the full moon shining above them. “Because I don’t want Eunmi to lack love from a missing parent like how I felt for years. The moment I saw her running to you at the school gates, I realized how a douche I was for inflicting pain on you, for hurting you with my friends, for being a coward to approach you and be friends with you normally. The moment I found out that you’re single I just had this feeling to get closer to you and prove to you that I’m a different person you think I am.”
Silence.
“I want to make you and Eunmi happy always,” Jongin’s gaze was smouldering and brimming with sincerity. A smile crossed on his face and his tears seem to be sparkling with the stars on the ocean sky. “I want to be part of you and Eunmi’s life Kyungsoo, and I want to fill that empty spot in both of your lives as a father to Eunmi and maybe, as a future h-husband to you.” Jongin said the last part bashfully with a sheepish smile.
Truth be told but those words caused the butterflies in Kyungsoo’s stomach to somersault. A smile curved his lips and he scooted closer to Jongin, but Jongin spoke once again.
“Kyungsoo, I’m not shitting on you. I’m serious. I know we’re still young with a lot of dreams, and you’re part of my dreams. You and Eunmi, I want to reach that dream too. To be yours and Eunmi’s.”
Kyungsoo couldn’t take off his eyes at Jongin’s lips. Something inside him was screaming that this is it, this is really what he has been looking for. Maybe it’s Jongin all along.
“Don’t make me regret everything Jongin. Don’t.” Kyungsoo looked at Jongin’s eyes for assurance and he was answered with a kiss on the forehead. Jongin was smiling and said, “You are my dream Kyungsoo and I won’t let that dream slip off my fingers.”
“Okay,” Kyungsoo said as he smiled at Jongin, the moon shining on them as their faces leaned closer to each other, bright smiles exchanged.
Kyungsoo was aware that he was going to dive for love again, that he was going to take risks and that he was going to gamble his feelings for the second time to know if he’ll lose again or maybe he’ll win this time. There’s no harm in trying again and maybe there’s no harm in loving Kim Jongin too.
“Okay.” Jongin said and was about to lean for a kiss when Kyungsoo pushed him off and said, “Wash your face first before I kiss you! You just blew your snot on your shirt Jongin!”
“Hyuuuuuung!!!!”
And the moon and the stars witnessed that one fateful night of love blossoming to something beautiful.
.
The day of graduation finally came. Both Kyungsoo and Jongin’s families were present in the once in a lifetime ceremony of their sons, except for Jongin’s real father. The ceremony went on smoothly. They were able to get on stage to get their diplomas and had pictures taken with their families.
Eunmi was there to witness her father’s graduation and if some of the students had heard her call him Daddy, Kyungsoo wasn’t that anxious anymore unlike before. So what if people would talk about him? So what if they say things badly at him? They didn’t know him at all, they didn’t know his past, the hardships he had gone through. They didn’t know anything at all so let them assume things. He didn’t care anymore.
Eunmi calling her daddy was what he loved to hear the most and if people would give bad meaning with it just because he was young, then so be it. At least now, he was happy with his mom, with Eunmi and Jongin who was currently on his way to him with his parents in tow.
Kyungsoo was carrying Eunmi when they approached him. He had just several pictures taken with his daughter courtesy of his mom and now Jongin was in the picture.
“Kyungsoo, meet my mom and my stepdad,” he introduced with a sheepish smile. “Uh, mom, d-dad this is Mrs. Do, and this is him, Kyungsoo, and Eunmi his daughter.”
“So it was you. Jongin won’t just stop talking about you since he told us about you two.” Jongin’s mom said with an affable smile and Kyungsoo was too shy to respond to it.
“I-It’s a pleasure to meet you too,” Kyungsoo turned to Eunmi who was asking to be brought down and as Kyungsoo did, his daughter did the unthinkable, and curtseying to Jongin’s parents like a princess would.
“Hello, I’m Do Eunmi. Please to meet you Sir, Maam.” She said with elegance that surprised everyone.
“Where did she learn that?” Kyungsoo’s quick question which was answered by a melodious chuckle he had grown to love.
“Who else?” Jongin wiggled his brows with a sly smile.
“She’s a beautiful child with good manners and I can tell that she’s smart.” Jongin’s stepdad said, looking at Eunmi in admiration.
“Well, Kyungsoo brought her up well.” Mrs. Do joined the conversation and they were all immersed with talking about Eunmi that they didn’t notice Jongin pulling Kyungsoo away from them and leading him at the back of the school where there was no one around.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongin turned to him as they stood up under the lamp post. The sky was clear and the clouds were moving, forming different shapes. Jongin held Kyungsoo’s hand. “It’s time.”
Just hearing those words, Kyungsoo got what Jongin meant by it. “Right. I almost forgot,“ he said as he pulled out an envelope in his pocket which got slightly creased.
Jongin did the same.
Holding the envelopes within their hands, both of them exchanged glances, nodding in unison as they decided to rip off the said envelope and read out the contents of the said letter silently.
As they finished, once their eyes met, hearts thundering against ribcage, they took a deep breath at the same time and said in unison, “I passed.”
When the words sunk in their heads for one, two, three, four seconds, both of them were jumping in joy, arms looping around each other as they cheer for the achievement they got that they both dream to reach.
“Jongin! Kyungsoo!” The two broke the hug and both turned to the owner of the voice.
Jongdae, Luhan, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and his boyfriend Sehun holding a camera were all smiling at them.
“Let’s have a group picture guys!” Jongdae said cheerfully and then a little girl run passed the group calling, “Daddies! Daddies!”
It was Eunmi and she latched her arms around Kyungsoo’s legs who later on crouched to her level and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Jongin tucked a stray hair behind Eunmi’s ears when in a matter of seconds, their friends huddled around them taking their positions for the group photo.
“She looks like you Kyungsoo.” Chanyeol commented right beside him and Kyungsoo was smiling too wide, muttering a “Thank you.” before the camera clicked and a picture of them with Eunmi was processed.
“One more!” Sehun rose up a finger to indicate the number and Kyungsoo was smiling so wide again without any pose until he felt lips pressed on his cheek, his eyes turned wider as the picture was captured.
While the others were busy looking at the pictures in Sehun’s camera, Kyungsoo also stole a kiss on Jongin’s cheek rendering the other speechless before fleeing towards the group to see the pictures as well, but he stopped on his tracks as what surprised him the most was Jongin’s friends were all laughing happily with Eunmi.
An arm was wrapped around his shoulders as Jongin smiled at him, “I like what I see.”
“Me too.” Kyungsoo grinned and put his arm around shoulder like bestfriends would do.
Jongin was blushing with an endearing smile on. . “And I just really really really like you too.”
“Me too, Jongin. Me too.”
Jongin and Kyungsoo still had a long way to go. They still had a lot to learn from each other and they still had a lot to prove. But having each other together, they knew they would be able to get through anything despite their differences, despite of their insecurities, despite their rough pasts and despite all the obstacles and hurdles that would come their way. Their pasts were a part of themselves, their presents were in the making, their futures were within their hands and most of all, this story was not the end yet.
This was just a prologue to the chapter one of their story.