(for pengunini) let's not fall in love
❊ for: pengunini
❊ title: let's not fall in love
❊ pairings: kai/d.o, slight!chanyeol/baekhyun
❊ rating: pg13
❊ word count: ~7.7k
❊ summary: Kyungsoo goes to find the missing piece but ends up taking a detour- all the way back to Jongin.
❊ a/n: This fic is made through countless breaks between study sessions and exams lol, but I hope my recipient will still love and appreciate this. Enjoy everyone!
“You know what, Soo?”
“Yeah, mom?”
“I have to tell you something.”
16 year old Do Kyungsoo, still frocked in his suffocating high school uniform, plops down on the floor as he anticipates for his mother’s words. It’s a quarter after four- classes had just ended, the sun is starting to set, and Kyungsoo smells the seaweed soup laggardly boiling from their kitchen across the room.
“But wait,” His mother leans forward, eyes curious and intimidating, and it reminds Kyungsoo of those interrogation scenes from his favorite crime series.
“Are you dating someone right now?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen like saucers. “W-what? No! I don’t h-have one, mom!” He half whines and half grunts, a faint blush starting to creep up on the sides of his face.
Mrs. Do starts to laugh. “Alrighty then,” Her mouth forms a heart shape as she grins- something Kyungsoo also inherits along with the good genes that seem to run in their family.
“Why are you asking?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow.
“Nothing. It’s just something that goes with what I’m about to tell you,” His mother suddenly becomes serious, though not without looking worried and thoughtful. Kyungsoo basks in the short silence.
“In the near future, I know you’re going to find someone you’ll come to love- and if you’re lucky enough, it’s someone who’ll also come to love you in return- it’s one of the most wonderful feelings in this world, and you’ll get to experience that at least once in your whole life.”
Kyungsoo’s mother pauses and looks at his son in the eyes.
“What I want you to do is to remember this, Kyungsoo: That person isn’t someone who’ll give you butterflies, or make you sweat and feel nervous, or make your heart beat stupidly fast. When you hold his hand, your palms shouldn’t feel clammy. At all.
“That person should be someone who’ll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Someone who’ll make you feel a state of peacefulness through his presence, and someone who’ll calm the shit down of your inner turmoils. When you hold his hand, you should feel at ease- you should feel secure. Valued. You should feel safe.”
And as 16 year old Kyungsoo struggles to absorb and internalize every single word, Mrs. Do softly shakes her head and smiles- he’ll come to understand, she thinks. He’ll get it. Someday, he’ll get it.
Kyungsoo gets it.
He gets it as he clenches his fists, the phone between his hands trembling from the pressure coming from his anxious state. Kyungsoo gets it, but he doesn't say anything.
It has been four days since the last call- and two weeks since his fiance, Jongwun, had proposed to him in his hometown in Goyang on a beautiful, rainy Tuesday night.
Kyungsoo tries to shake off the tiny jitters and doubts creeping into his mind every night Jongwun isn’t by his side on their bed. He reasons that maybe Jongwun is just busy with work, spending extra hours for their upcoming wedding day and their future married life, having no time to come home and just choosing to stay in his apartment near his workplace in Seoul.
But the worries don’t easily stop.
In the back of his mind, Kyungsoo is furtively near to going insane- his eyelids don’t even droop late at night, and the intuitions constantly rise like bile in his throat. Where is Jongwun? What is happening to him? Why won’t he even call me?
Is Jongwun changing his mind? Kyungsoo thinks of the worst case scenario. If he’s having confusions about their relationship, then why’d he ask for his hand in the first place? Did Kyungsoo do something wrong, otherwise?
A thousand questions run through his head- maybe panicking is not the answer to the whole situation, but who wouldn’t- when your fiance just proposed to you then leave you hanging and worried after a couple of days without any form of communication?
Kyungsoo is clinging to the last threads of his sanity. He’s been overly dramatic and paranoid for the last few days, and the only person who’s been keeping him levelheaded throughout the whole fiasco is Jongwun’s younger brother- Kim Jongin.
Jongin is a sweet, handsome young lad who’s only two years younger than Kyungsoo. He’s a jazz-ballet teacher in a dance studio in the neighborhood who also spends time watching over kids in a daycare center that his best friend Sehun’s older sister, Sena, owns.
Jongin has recently moved in Kyungsoo and Jongwun’s shared apartment complex the moment he heard about his older brother’s disappearance. He’d grown naturally dead worried for his brother over the past few days, and he has been constantly trying to presume Jongwun's possible whereabouts ever since the news came out.
Though, despite his heavy concern for the condition and welfare of his own older brother, Jongin seems to be more worried about Kyungsoo’s state more than anything.
Jongin tries to cheer Kyungsoo up day and night, assisting him and coaxing him to stay calm, comforting him with words like everything’s going to be alright and Jongwun will eventually come back.
Kyungsoo has always been very fond of Jongin since the beginning- even favoring him more than his own brother, Seungsoo. Jongin is neutral and kind and placid, almost a bit too mature for his age. He’s like Kyungsoo’s personal comfort zone- whenever Jongwun and him quarrel over petty things, Jongin somehow deems it an automatic reaction to fight for Kyungsoo’s side over his brother’s. It seems ridiculous, but it has always been like that- Jongin and Kyungsoo might not admit it, but they emanate a certain kind of chemistry, and other people even see their relationship as special and idiomatic.
On the night of the fifth day since Jongwun’s disappearance, Kyungsoo comes home from work with the usual frown etching all over his face. There’s still no call from Jongwun, and it resorts to his worries having already increased a hundred fold. Kyungsoo is one anxiety attack away from calling the police for the nth time, but he knows Jongin will be there to stop him like he always has. Jongin asked Kyungsoo for more patience, saying that he’ll help him get through this without any intervention that could cause unnecessary attention.
“Hyung,"
Jongin greets quietly when he steps in a few hours after Kyungsoo arrived. He shrugs his jacket off and goes to the kitchen, only to find the elder crouching over the counter with a forlorn expression, an empty mug, and an unopened sachet of white coffee on his side.
“Hyung?” Jongin tries again, and this time, Kyungsoo glances at him and forces out a weak smile. The younger walks forward with a sigh and opens the sachet- pouring the redolent contents before dispensing hot water into the mug. Jongin carefully stirs the brown liquid before slowly giving it to Kyungsoo, to which the elder lets out a small chuckle and thanks him for the gesture.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo takes a light sip. “Do you think Jongwun is alright?”
Jongin leans against the counter, his hips coming in contact with the cold tiled surface. He stares at Kyungsoo like he always does, and he can’t help but feel a familiar tug in his chest. “He is, hyung,” Jongin gives a halfhearted grin. “Jongwun hyung has always been strong.”
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and then to the fuming mug, then he nods to himself as if trying to believe the statement.
“Jong,”
“Yeah?”
“Should we go and find your brother?”
Jongin looks a bit perplexed, like he’d half-expected the question to come out, yet he blinks and looks at Kyungsoo like he has just stupidly folded to the elder’s command.
Kyungsoo’s eyes remain wide and hopeful, filled with tiredness and anxiety and a whole other emotions that send threatening tears to his vision. Jongin doesn’t say anything for a while, and after a brief moment of calculated breaths and unanswered silence, he slowly licks his lips and smiles at Kyungsoo with raw fondness and understanding.
“If you want to, then I guess we could." Jongin answers, and in the back of his head, the thought of worrying over his brother’s condition and the current situation opt him to continue with whatever Kyungsoo might want to request.
The glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes is evident as he steps forward and hugs Jongin with much tightness and gratitude that the younger could feel his whole body being crushed. Jongin is yet to decide if he’s been making the right choices all along, because the feeling of Kyungsoo being wrapped around his own form is too pleasant for words.
“I want to start as soon as possible, Jongin,” Kyungsoo pleads, and there’s certainty and concern overflowingly laced in his voice. How could Jongin say no?
“Yeah, sure,” Jongin tries to fix a smile. “I’ll set everything up so we can start this weekend.”
Kyungsoo beams, teary-eyed, and Jongin feels something churning unfavorably in his stomach.
By the end of the week, Jongin has been able to secure everything- he'd managed to get a nice car, courtesy of Jongwun’s best friends and best men Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He has stacked up old maps from his high school Boy Scout days, and he’s done the initial grocery shopping until whenever they find his older brother.
Kyungsoo, on the other hand, had done his part inclinedly. He has requested a one-week leave from his boss, hoping it’ll be ample time to find his fiance, and he felt grateful that Junmyeon agreed without any conditions and questions- he's probably thinking it’s for the preparations for Kyungsoo’s upcoming wedding day.
Jongin has finished packing by Friday noon, and he decides to spend the rest of the day informing his parents and relatives of the quasi-rescue mission he and Kyungsoo are about to initiate. He has called Chanyeol and Baekhyun and asked them to inform him and Kyungsoo right away whenever Jongwun comes back and shows up.
Meanwhile, Kyungsoo has finished the last of his paperwork and his turn in packing, and he’s been jittery and worrisome as he paces around the apartment searching for things that belong to Jongwun.
"Why are you packing up Jongwun hyung's things?” Jongin raises an eyebrow as he holds the phone between his ear and his shoulder.
Kyungsoo’s mouth twitches, and without batting an eye, says, “Cause if that dickhead doesn’t give me a legit reason why he’s doing all this bullshit, I’m going to be the one to personally kick him out this time.”
Jongin laughs faintly, though he doesn’t really know why he’s liking that idea.
As soon as the sun has started rising the next day, Jongin and Kyungsoo prepare for the long trip and have received one last call from Chanyeol and Baekhyun, sending their regards to the two and a roguish middle finger to Jongwun.
“Are we good to go?” Jongin asks after settling everything inside the car. He turns on the engine but doesn’t step on it just yet.
Kyungsoo smiles and nods, and he takes an appreciative whiff and admires how Jongin always smells nice in the mornings- like grapefruit and strawberries. Kind of like hope and redemption in Kyungsoo’s wary days.
Jongin takes in Kyungsoo’s nervous and uneasy state and squeezes his hand- as if urging Kyungsoo to take everything in and do it for the both of them- and he gives him a lingering, encouraging smile before maneuvering the vehicle away from their apartment.
The ride is quiet and tensive, and the both of them are starting to grow anxious for what’s about to happen- whether they find Jongwun or not, whether Jongwun wants to be found or not- at least Kyungsoo and Jongin had put in their own effort and showed that they care.
Because Kyungsoo does care, for their relationship and for their future.
And because Jongin naturally cares, since they are brothers, no matter what happens.
"Do you want anything to eat?” Kyungsoo hears Jongin’s deep voice pierce through the silence and thinks how it has always been strangely comforting to him.
The elder meekly refuses. “I’m good, Jong,” he offers a weak smile. “How about you? You’re the one who’s doing all the driving.”
“Nah,” Jongin’s mouth curls up. “I had coffee this morning.”
“Just coffee?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it, hyung.”
Kyungsoo frowns. “Want us to take turns in driving, though? I could manage the wheel if you’re already exhausted or something.”
“No, no, it’s okay."
"But-"
“I don’t want you to drive and mope at the same time, hyung- otherwise, we would have to be the ones in need of a rescue mission.”
The baritone in Jongin’s voice depletes in the air and turns into a light, hearty laugh, and Kyungsoo shouldn’t feel joyous about the whole situation still going on, but there’s something with Jongin’s voice, and just Jongin in general- like an attractive force or something- that draws him in and pulls the corner of his lips up, eliciting a throaty but happy sound in the process.
It’s the first laugh he’s ever had, ever since Jongwun disappeared.
Jongin manages to last after an hour, having driven to the location through minimal traffic and without the occasional stops and disturbances on the road. Kyungsoo had suggested they drive to places significant to the couple- Let's try checking Yonsei University first, he declares, and when Jongin had asked why, Kyungsoo says it's the place where he and Jongwun first met.
Jongin parks the car in the guests' area, while Kyungsoo tries hard not to feel nostalgic remembering the stressful yet memorable days of college. Jongwun and Kyungsoo both conquered the business field, and they took up Marketing and Finance respectively.
Kyungsoo leads the way while Jongin lets him, and they walk along the university grounds, passing through the usual scenery of students flocking together to study or just talk. Kyungsoo notices a couple of stares directed towards Jongin, and he frowns because he feels a sudden, certain kind of possessiveness in his chest that hasn't been there before. Jongin is good-looking, after all.
Yonsei's huge garden appears into view as Kyungsoo and Jongin approach the center of the university grounds- there's a huge Greek fountain in the middle, a few wooden benches on the side, and different kinds of flowers of all colors decorating the stretches of lush green grass.
"Kyungsoo hyung," Jongin asks after Kyungsoo stops halfway to scan the area. "So this is where you and hyung first met?"
"Um, yeah," Kyungsoo emanates a shy laugh. "It's kind of a cheesy story you know, so I'll just spare you the details."
Jongin grins and huffs out a breath of relief.
"Hey! Kyungsoo!"
Both heads turn to the direction of the nonnative accented voice, and Kyungsoo's eyes almost gauge out as he sees his former roommate Yixing- who was a foreign exchange student from China- walking towards their direction in a prestigous Yonsei faculty uniform with his usual softspoken smile.
"Yixing ah!" Kyungsoo's face brightens up, and he strides forward to welcome Yixing with a tight embrace and a playful smack on the shoulder. Jongin follows suit, and he quietly observes their interaction with a neutral expression plastered on his face.
"It's been so freaking long, dude," Yixing laughs. "How are you?"
"I'm good, i'm good," Kyungsoo half lies and wipes the sweat forming on his forehead. "So you're a teacher now?"
Yixing's dimples start to emerge, and Kyungsoo suddenly remembers about being envious of them when they were still in college. "Yep! I've come to love teaching along the way," he gushes proudly, and turns to acknowledge Jongin who is meekly standing on the sideline. "Oh, is this the boyfriend you've introduced me to before, Soo?" He waves at Jongin. "Hi there! You haven't changed much, my friend."
Jongin is caught offguard by the sudden question, and he blinks and blushes as he tries to stop the awkwardness from showing. Kyungsoo doesn't understand why he's suddenly feeling giddy from hearing Yixing's words, and doesn't plan on showing an inkling of the sentiment.
"N-no, Yixing, he's Jongwun's younger brother."
"Oh, okay," Yixing shows a peace sign. "My bad."
"Uh, anyway," Kyungsoo clears his throat with a stiff smile, "Have you seen Jongwun these past few days, Yixing?"
The Chinese male crosses his arms and ponders just for a bit. "Nope. I've confined myself in the university's dorms for the past week. It's nearing Midterms season and I have to finalize a lot of class records."
"Is it okay to visit the dorm building, though?"
"Of course- provided you're a member of the university's faculty and staff. Alumni and visitors aren't allowed any access for privacy reasons."
"Oh, really?" Kyungsoo sighs. "Okay."
"Why, Soo?" Yixing's usual droopy eyes largen with curiousity. "Is something wrong between you and Jongwun?"
"Uh no, not at all. This is nothing," Kyungsoo licks his lips and lets out a smile. "Anyway, thanks, Yixing ah. Me and Jongin won't stay long, but it was nice seeing you again."
"Of course, Soo! Anytime," Yixing smiles back. "Call me if you want to have soju together sometime soon."
Kyungsoo and Jongin leave Yonsei early in the afternoon, and Jongin suggests they grab dinner in a nearby pasta house before finding a hotel to stay in for the night.
"We'll go to Sokcho next," Kyungsoo mumbles and opens the Maps app on his phone. It's already twilight by the time they've finished eating and slacking, and Jongin stifles a yawn when he feels the sleepiness kick in after getting a full stomach from all the pasta he has managed to consume in one slurp. His grip on the wheel hardens as he tries to stay alert.
"How long 'til we get there?"
"4 hours if we take the train," Kyungsoo bites his lips. "But since we're traveling by car, we'll probably arrive there in 5 hours or less."
Jongin nods and doesn't say anything. Kyungsoo feels uneasy from this, from the younger's calm and understanding nature throughout the whole search, and he makes a mental note to drive them to Sokcho tomorrow and just let Jongin relax for the whole ride.
By nightfall, Kyungsoo has managed to find a small hotel that charges them a pretty cheap price for an overnight stay. They load their belongings into the room, and it seems funny to Jongin when he notices they've breathed out in unison at the sight of the two beds in each area.
Kyungsoo goes to use the bathroom first, and he feels the drowsiness clouding his mind as he brushes his teeth and washes his face with calculated movements. He almost trips as he changes into his pajamas, having cursed at the tiled floor for no apparent reason. Kyungsoo takes in his sleepy state in front of the mirror and shrugs it off before going back into the room.
What Kyungsoo didn't expect to see when he takes the first step from the bathroom door is a half-naked view of Jongin facing the wall as he slowly rummages through something in his bag. Kyungsoo's half lidded eyes immediately widen like two full moons, and there's the weird rapid heartbeat and the warm, fuzzy feeling creeping up to his face. Jongin's prominent back muscles flex with every movement of his shoulders, and he's in a crouched position which almost lets his boxers slide off from his pretty ass.
"Well fuck," Kyungsoo gulps.
Jongin's ears perk up at the sudden, soft noise and he turns around in reflex, effectively giving Kyungsoo a near heart attack as his six-pack (chocolate) abs come into full view. Kyungsoo stumbles back, the dorsal part of his knee hitting the dresser's leg, and he winces in pain and falls flat on the floor while he slowly rubs on the sore surface.
"Hyung!" Jongin runs towards Kyungsoo and kneels to his level, inspecting Kyungsoo's leg with concern and urgency, and it frustrates the elder because the proximity between them has worsen- Jongin's body is about a few inches away from him, and there's already sweat trickling down the sides of his neck and shoulders and-
"I'm alright!" Kyungsoo screeches in horror, trying to stop his eyes from staring at Jongin's abs. His lips are trembling, and the room suddenly begins to grow hot and suffocating that it's becoming hard to breathe. Jongin pauses and frowns at the sudden outburst, and he's wondering why Kyungsoo has become this red.
"I-I'm going to go sleep now," Kyungsoo is stuttering, and his laugh is coming out as awkward. He stands up without looking Jongin in the eyes and limps towards the bed. He's lying with his back facing the younger, his whole body covered with the duvet and his thick Pororo blanket.
"Good night, um, Jongin!" he croaks, and he feels bad and disgusted at himself for feeling that way towards his fiance's younger brother. It's weird, seemingly faulty, and awkward in so many ways, because he has never looked at Jongin in that perverse way. Ever.
Jongin responds, a bit perplexed from the elder's sudden change of behaviour, and Kyungsoo lets out a breath of relief when he hears the bathroom door opening and closing a few minutes after. He tries to bury the lewd thoughts and distracting images, deciding to sleep everything off in hopes of getting a good night's rest for another long day.
Kyungsoo wakes up the next morning feeling placid and unshaken, like minute strings of a heavy burden have been slowly lifted off from his chest. He hasn't woken up this composed ever since Jongwun had disappeared.
Jongwun. Kyungsoo frowns at the thought of his fiance as he stares into the ceiling above. The worries have been constantly haunting him, but the pain has gradually subsided, and Kyungsoo couldn't wait for the numbness to fully take in so he could spare himself the complexity of hurt feelings.
He has dreamed of Jongwun last night, and he recalls it being slightly morose- the image of Jongwun leaving while Kyungsoo sobs and begs for him to stay. Kyungsoo is surprised that he'd managed to wake up in such a calm state despite the uncanny nightmare.
The door from the bathroom opens and Kyungsoo turns around to see Jongin freshly clothed in his Malibu pullover and blue ripped jeans. Kyungsoo remembers the stupid incident from the night before and internally punches himself in the face.
"Good morning, Kyungsoo hyung."
Kyungsoo slowly stands up and yawns. "Good morning, Jong," he smiles, lazily stretching his short limbs. "What time is it, by the way?"
Jongin stifles a smile at how adorable Kyungsoo looks while he’s stretching.
"It's only 7 in the morning. I'll start packing the bags into the car while you freshen up so we can leave early."
"Okay," Kyungsoo hears his stomach grumble. Jongin never ceases to amaze him with his caring nature- though it has become unsettling for Kyungsoo because he'd thought a lot about Jongin and his ideal attributes more than he ever has for the past few days.
Maybe I'm just hungry. Kyungsoo thinks to himself. He feels something clogging at the base of his throat as he stares at Jongin until the younger has left the room with their bags. Kyungsoo goes into the shower while trying not to cower away from the cold water, and he doesn't forget to lock the door just incase something embarrassing might start to happen. Again.
Kyungsoo and Jongin had breakfast at the hotel's canteen before leaving for Sokcho, and Kyungsoo fulfills his troth of driving the vehicle so that Jongin can lay back and rest. He starts the engine and tries to remember those years of practice just to ace that driving test in a single take.
"You sure you can handle it, hyung?" Jongin asks in a slightly teasing manner, a few locks of his dark brown hair sticking out in different directions. Kyungsoo's eyes fall on his chiseled jawline.
"What do you mean, Jongin?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow and grins, and he huffs and cranes his neck to the side while he squares his shoulders. "I didn't pass that test in one take for nothing!"
The ride is smooth and sedate, and the atmosphere becomes instantly light as Jongin starts to laugh and Kyungsoo lets go of his doubts on his driving skills.
Kyungsoo chuckles. "Why are you laughing?"
"Nothing," Jongin says, and the laughter languidly dies down as he pauses and absentmindedly casts a fond gaze over Kyungsoo- somewhere between admiration and an actualization, and it lasts for a few minutes before Jongin blinks and clears his throat, slightly inclining his body to the side to face the scenery behind the window instead.
Kyungsoo hasn't missed the way Jongin stared, but he doesn't say anything about it and tries to focus on safely bringing them to Sokcho.
Halfway across the route, Kyungsoo's legs start to hurt- and it's the kind of pain that's slow and radiating, so he is left with no choice but to momentarily stop the car just until his legs start to feel better again. Jongin is alseep, so he figures he would just have to stay inside the car to watch over the younger.
It's been 3 hours since they left for Seoul. Kyungsoo grabs a can of coffee from the grocery bags and quietly takes a swig, feeling the gradual healing of his legs rise up. He looks to his right and sees Jongin in an awkward sleeping position- his legs spread out and his arms dangling from both sides while his neck constantly droops as a chain of snores reverberate inside the car. Kyungsoo is cupping his mouth and hiding his laugh as he helps Jongin reposition in a manner that appears less strained.
Kyungsoo leans back into his seat and locks his gaze at Jongin- he watches the slow rise and fall of his chest, and the handsome, angelic look on his face as he sleeps soundly like a child. Kyungsoo doesn't know why he feels tremulous all of a sudden, and it scares him because visions of Jongin start to cloud his mind every now and then. He looks at him and realizes that he's different- Jongin and Jongwun are two different people.
Kyungsoo frowns. There's the chord of denying a certain feeling, and the fear of committing a crucial mistake. He tries to pry his mind off the matter as he hears Jongin grunt, and decides to get back on the wheel to divert his attention to somewhere else. The pain on his legs is slowly starting to die down, anyway. (and so is the pain in his heart)
They arrive at Sokcho by noon, Jongin having woken up from the smell of salt and a strong, yet light breeze tickling the hairs on his skin. The car is parked on the side of a road, and just a few walks away, there's the tonic sight of apricot sand and the mild waves of cerulean sea water. Jongin exits the car and finds Kyungsoo mindlessly strolling along the beach.
Kyungsoo looks back at the sound of muffled footsteps, and he sees Jongin running towards him with a face that says 'I just woke up but the beach sounds nice, so yeah’.
"Hey hyung," Jongin smiles at him, then turns to gaze at the distant view over the sea. "I wasn't expecting this, to be honest."
Kyungsoo looks at him, "Expecting what?"
"This," Jongin gestures with his hands. "The beach. What's with this place?"
Kyungsoo pauses and smiles, a bitter one, and he picks up a random twig and starts drawing things into the sand's surface.
"This is where me and Jongwun had our first date."
Jongin stays silent.
"Jongwun told me this is his favourite beach, because he feels his problems being washed away whenever he sets foot on the water." Kyungsoo blinks. "I just thought, you know, he'd be here. But I searched for him while you were asleep and found no one, except for the locals, of course. I asked them about him, and they said they haven't seen anyone like Jongwun for the past few days."
Jongin sighs and puts a reassuring hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "That's okay, hyung," his palm runs along Kyungsoo’s arm fondly. "Maybe Jongwun hyung's somewhere else. We'll try again tomorrow."
"I'm tired, Jongin," Kyungsoo tries not to let the tears fall out. "I don't want to go anywhere at the moment. Can we stay here? Please?"
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, and he feels his heart being torn into pieces for two different reasons.
"Of course, hyung." His lips pull up into a half-hearted smile. "Anything you want."
The day passes by a bit too quickly, and it's nightfall by the time they depart from a seafood restaurant nearby. The sky stretches into a deep purple-blue, and there's a blanket of tiny glimmering stars adorning the quiet night sky that sends Kyungsoo running near to the open space by the shore.
"Oh my god, Jongin, look!" Kyungsoo beams and stretches his neck towards the sky, and he's pointing at the stars while jumping up and down like a little kid. "It's really beautiful!"
Jongin glances up for a few seconds, before he feels his eyes slowly moving to the side where Kyungsoo is.
"Yeah. It is."
Kyungsoo and Jongin stay near the waters, having placed a huge blanket over the sand and another one over their forms to keep them warm. They sit side by side, their bodies barely having space in between, and they're talking and star gazing and just feeling the refreshing seawater beneath their toes with the cool midsummer breeze on the shore. Kyungsoo thinks it's the most intimate position they've ever had themselves in, but he doesn't complain.
"What time is it, Jong?" The elder lets out a yawn.
Jongin looks at his watch. "10 in the evening," he watches Kyungsoo with a careful regard. "Are you sleepy?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head, "Um, no," though his eyes are starting to droop.
Jongin stares at the cold liquid engulfing his feet. There's a serious, troubled expression masking his face- like some sort of indication of a thought coming into his head, and he is torn between voicing it out or keeping it to himself, like he always has.
"Kyungsoo hyung,"
"Yeah?"
"Do you still love Jongwun?"
Kyungsoo freezes, and he's being pulled out of his sleepy state by the unexpected question. He swallows a huge lump in his throat and turns to face Jongin- whose gaze remains fixed on him ever since the query came out from his mouth.
"Why are you asking, Jongin?" Kyungsoo responds quietly.
Jongin doesn't say anything, and there's a ghost of some phrasing on his face that tells Kyungsoo to answer the question without any further excuses.
"I.."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin..
"I honestly don't know anymore."
Jongin searches something in the elder's eyes, and there's a commissary- not the sea, nor the stars, nor the cool ocean breeze- that hales Jongin forward in the fervidness of the moment and press his chapped lips over Kyungsoo's soft ones.
Kyungsoo stiffens and attempts to move back in reflex, but Jongin holds him in place and snakes his hand around Kyungsoo's neck. Kyungsoo remains rigid and tries to breathe at a normal rate- yet he ends up melting into the kiss and relaxing into Jongin's soft touches.
The cool air dies down from the heated passion, and it becomes perilous as Kyungsoo inches closer and opens his mouth at the feeling of Jongin's tongue probing the elder to let him in. Kyungsoo lets out a groan, and Jongin takes this as a sign as he starts to feel him up behind his shirt while he’s raking his tongue in all corners of Kyungsoo's mouth.
Kyungsoo and Jongin both know it's wrong. Everything has always been wrong- from the time Kyungsoo started to feel different around the younger, up to the moment Jongin asked the question that's been constantly bugging him in his dreams.
A sudden ring from Kyungsoo's phone hastily breaks the two apart- their lips being laced with spit and their shirt getting wrinkled from all the gripping and hogging- and Kyungsoo reaches forward to answer the call before Jongin gets to say anything.
"H-hello?" Kyungsoo blushes and turns his back towards Jongin.
"Kyungsoo! Oh thank goodness you're still awake!"
"Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo exclaims at the tone of his best friend's voice, effectively catching Jongin's attention from behind. "Why? What happened, Baek?"
"You wouldn't believe what Chanyeol saw this afternoon,"
"What?" Kyungsoo's heartbeat goes rapid with each passing minute. "What did he see?"
Baekhyun pauses to take a dramatic breath.
"Yeol saw Jongwun today, Soo. He saw him, here in Seoul, entering his apartment with his bags and suitcases by his side. Jongwun's back, Kyungsoo."
The phone falls to the blanketed ground, Baekhyun's voice thinning out until Kyungsoo hears nothing else but the pumping cycle of his heart. The tears gather in his eyes and actually drop this time, and he sees Jongin in front of him- his rough hands shaking Kyungsoo's numb shoulders- and he's saying something in a fastly repeated manner.
"Your brother's back, Jongin," Kyungsoo's eyes are lifeless.
“What?"
"Your brother's back, Jongin. Jongwun's back."
Kyungsoo stands up without another word- leaving his phone, his blanket, and a part of his soul- and he heavily drags his body back to the car. Jongin feels the guilt and frustration eating up his conscience, and he couldn't bring himself to face Kyungsoo after the turn of events that's happened in an unbelievably short amount of time.
Jongin screams at the waters, hoping they'd drown everything in an instant, and he falls asleep by the shore with a heavy heart that seems to anchor everything around him down.
The sound of seagulls resonate in Jongin's ears, and there's the warm ray of Sokcho sunlight hitting the side of his face. There's a blanket being draped on the form of his body, and there's Kyungsoo sitting on the sand in a new shirt and a dark pair of skinny jeans.
Jongin manages to stand despite his drained stature, and this sends Kyungsoo following suit with his head constantly being bowed down. He still couldn't look Jongin in the eye.
"Morning," Kyungsoo casts a brief look. "We're going back to Seoul today. I'll wait for you to get ready. I'll be in the car.
Jongin hasn't said a single word throughout the whole ride- he honestly doesn't know what to say, in the first place- and explaining himself would only make him appear stupid. Kyungsoo keeps his eyes focused on the road despite the million different thoughts swarming in the back of his head. It pains Kyungsoo, because it hasn't occurred to him that they'd reach this point of tautness.
The ride on the way back feels a whole lot shorter, and Kyungsoo feels the sweat forming on the stirring wheel as he pulls over in the driveway of his apartment.
Kyungsoo's breaths are becoming ragged, and he's still waiting for Jongin to go out first so he could lock the car doors and close the main gate.
Jongin doesn't.
"Hyung," Jongin sounds constricted. "Let's talk."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin with tired eyes. "Jongin, please-"
"I love you."
"No, Jongin-"
"No, you don't understand hyung," Jongin grabs Kyungsoo's clammy hands and intertwines it with his. "I've been loving you all these years- I've loved you through everything. I've been in love with you even when you and Jongwun hyung are still dating. I've been in love with you even when Jongwun hyung still hasn't. I've been in love with you even if you never felt the same way.
"Watching you two pains my heart, but I kept it all inside because I'm not someone who has the audacity to destroy a beautiful relationship just for my own sake. Both of you are very important to me, and I'd rather see myself hurting than see either one of you feeling pain all because of my selfishness. But I couldn't take it anymore, not when everything's like this.
I love you, Do Kyungsoo. I always have, and I always will."
Kyungsoo doesn't say anything. He bites back a cry because it's all too much, too much, and he's still utterly confused- the kind of confused in which there's no comprehension in telling something if it's right or wrong.
He hates it, because he doesn't feel his heart beating rapidly, and instead feels safe and valued even in the state he and Jongin are currently in. He especially hates it- the way Jongin's hand fits perfectly into his- and it stops the stupid clamminess and replaces it with a warm and secure feeling.
"W-we better go, your brother is waiting." Kyungsoo clears his throat and slowly withdraws his hand away from Jongin's (even if he doesn't want to). There's a forlorn expression on Jongin's face as Baekhyun and Chanyeol come out from the front door and start to approach the car.
The couple let Kyungsoo and Jongin head first while they help each other in placing the bags in the living room. They tell them that Jongwun's in the bedroom, and it's probably best that the three of them talk to each other in private.
"Hey, Soo," Baekhyun nudges Kyungsoo on the shoulder as they pass through the hallway.
"Yeah?"
"You and Jongin are acting a bit weird around each other," Baekhyun whispers out of the younger's earshot. "Did something happen while you two were away?"
"What? No!" Kyungsoo huffs as they ascend the stairs. His legs are feeling wobbly, and he's starting to become nervous- something Jongwun has always made him feel, and something his mother always used to warn him about- but he keeps a headstrong personality and shoos Baekhyun away before he gets to hit him with his shoe.
Kyungsoo and Jongin take a hesitant pause behind the bedroom door, the both of them feeling a hundred different things- fear being adamant and overtaking over all other emotions. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, and the elder does the same as he takes one deep breath. Kyungsoo turns the knob with shaky fingers.
The room comes into full view- mint curtains hanging gracefully by the window sill, a trace of warm sunlight illuminating one corner, and there's Jongwun sitting on the edge of the bed with a vulnerable look on his face.
Kyungsoo freezes on the spot. Jongin takes a step forward, hoping to lessen the tension in the atmosphere as he walks towards his brother with a tight lipped grin.
"Hyung," Jongin gives Jongwun a small hug. The elder pats Jongin in the back, placing his hands on both sides of his younger brother's face as he lets out a bitter smile.
"Hey Jongin," Jongwun ruffles his hair. "Good to see you. Hope you can forgive your old bro for acting like a jerk."
Jongin doesn't say anything, and instead gives his brother a light punch in the arm. He looks at Kyungsoo who is watching with an unreadable expression on his face, then he looks at Jongwun and gestures for him to go and talk to his fiance.
Jongwun turns towards Kyungsoo’s direction and approaches him with slow, calculated steps- like he'd lose him anytime if he takes a huge clumsy leap- and Kyungsoo stays rooted on his spot, devoid of the things he want to say and the things he want to do.
"Soo," Jongwun stands in front of Kyungsoo and slowly grabs his hand, “Hey."
"Jongwun," Kyungsoo's lips tremble and the tears start pooling around the sides of his eyes. "Why? Why did you- why'd you do something like that-"
"Kyungsoo," Jongwun coos and cuts him off softly, "I have something to tell you. Just please, hear me out."
Jongin listens silently, his head perking up from the side.
"Soo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ran away like some fucktard that I really am- I got scared, because I was starting to feel things that don't seem right anymore- and I got nervous, because it didn't feel like I was making the right choice when I decided to propose and spend the rest of my life with you.
“What I'm trying to say is- I went away because I needed time and space. It doesn't have to do with you, or anyone around me- it's just me. I went away to see if I could clear things off my mind and come back to you with the same degree of love I've felt when I first met you, but nothing changed. I simply fell out of love, Soo- I need time to know myself more and figure out the things that I really need. I'm sorry, for everything. You deserve so much better."
Kyungsoo lets the tears fall one by one. He’s sniffling, and he’s struggling hard to breathe- his eyes are becoming puffy and red, yet he doesn’t care and lets it all out as he looks at his fiance. “You don't have to be sorry for feeling that way, Jongwun,” his grip on Jongwun's hand hardens. "I understand, even if it's painful. I don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life, too."
Jongwun lets go of Kyungsoo's hands and imprisons him in a tight, inconsolable embrace. "I'm sorry," he cries, and he's repeating the words like some sort of powerful mantra. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” though the words hold no power over his actions.
Kyungsoo wails everything out into Jongwun's shoulder as he holds him tight- thinking that it's probably the last hug they'll ever share before they decide to go on their separate ways. Jongin has his head down in the corner, trying his best to wash the guilt and pain away, and he chokes back a sob everytime he hears Kyungsoo hurting and crying out in sadness.
The night comes with a cloudy and starless sky, and it's the first rainfall in Seoul amidst the humid summer weather that has lingered over the city in silent placidity.
It's been 7 months since Kyungsoo and Jongwun broke off their engagement, and 7 months since Kyungsoo and Jongin last talked to each other.
Jongwun and him agreed to stay good friends, just for the sake of avoiding a clash of their families and a teardown of their reputation in their personal lives. Kyungsoo hasn't heard of Jongin in a long while, and he'd be lying if he says that it's not making him sad.
Kyungsoo might have been in denial all along, but only because he hadn't thought that it would be possible to fall in love with someone in just a matter days- less than a week, if he counts it precisely and correctly.
The longevity doesn't matter, Soo, He remembers Baekhyun nagging over the phone a few months back. What matters is the intensity, the quality, and the foundation. I'm not that surprised, to be honest. Me and Chanyeol kinda guessed you two would finally come along.
Kyungsoo sighs at the words as he binge watches 'Game of Thrones' in his apartment on a Thursday night. Alone.
He hasn't stopped thinking about Jongin. Neither of them had not made any effort to talk to each other and hold a real, proper conversation- probably because the last encounter they had with each other was a huge, awkward mess- and it pains him knowing that the tight-knit friendship he's had with Jongin might easily go down the drain just because of this matter. They only see each other on rare occasions, but they don't interact when they already do. Kyungsoo mulls on the idea of having to constantly miss Jongin until they see each other again.
There's a series of soft knocks as Kyungsoo pauses the show to get a refill of his popcorn, and he carefully runs bare-footed from the kitchen to the living room and open the large mahogany door.
"Hey hyung,"
Kyungsoo coughs at the sight of Jongin on his front door, all dressed in black with a red cap on top of his brown locks. He's become leaner and more handsome than before, and there's a slight maturity dawning over his face as he looks at Kyungsoo with the same, unchanging fondness.
"J-Jongin!" Kyungsoo suddenly grabs his hand as he welcomes Jongin into the apartment. "Please, come in," he stutters. The feeling of Jongin's hands still give him safety and warmth.
"How are you?"
Jongin sits on the couch and gives Kyungsoo a warm smile, "I'm doing fine, hyung," he pats the cushion beside him and signals Kyungsoo to come nearer. "How about you?"
"I'm okay," Kyungsoo walks to the couch and slowly sinks down on his seat as he lets out a nervous laugh. "It's nice seeing you pay me a visit."
Jongin rakes a hand over his own hair. “I've always wanted to see you. I was just waiting for the right time, hyung."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
Jongin turns his body to the side, and he's facing Kyungsoo with a certain kind of longing- like he's been searching for the elder for a whole lifetime. He slowly leans forward, inch by inch, until their foreheads bump against each other, Jongin feeling Kyungsoo's breath fanning over his lips. Kyungsoo's mind goes blank and he doesn't move.
"I miss you, hyung,"
Kyungsoo stares back. "I miss you too, Jongin."
Jongin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath- it’s become hard to decipher anything amidst the overwhelming emotions he's feeling at the moment.
"Hyung,"
"Yeah?"
"Do you still love Jongwun?"
“..”
"No."
Jongin bites back a smile.
"Then if I kiss you now, would you kiss me back?"
Kyungsoo feigns an indecisive expression, laughing as he sees Jongin growl at the painfully teasing behaviour he's just shown.
"Yes. I would."
"Then.. what would that mean?"
Kyungsoo searches for something all over Jongin's face- and there's really nothing else except for love, love, love, and much more love. He smiles.
"It means that I love you, too."
Jongin pushes his body forward and captures Kyungsoo's plush lips with his- and there's an explosion of fireworks and dynamites in the pits of their stomach as they make up for the lost time when they weren't in each other's arms.
Kyungsoo now understands why it was never Jongwun to begin and end with. He understands why the heavens gave him Jongin instead, and how he's always there (from the start) whenever something goes wrong in his life. Kyungsoo gets it.
Kyungsoo finally gets it.
❊ title: let's not fall in love
❊ pairings: kai/d.o, slight!chanyeol/baekhyun
❊ rating: pg13
❊ word count: ~7.7k
❊ summary: Kyungsoo goes to find the missing piece but ends up taking a detour- all the way back to Jongin.
❊ a/n: This fic is made through countless breaks between study sessions and exams lol, but I hope my recipient will still love and appreciate this. Enjoy everyone!
“You know what, Soo?”
“Yeah, mom?”
“I have to tell you something.”
16 year old Do Kyungsoo, still frocked in his suffocating high school uniform, plops down on the floor as he anticipates for his mother’s words. It’s a quarter after four- classes had just ended, the sun is starting to set, and Kyungsoo smells the seaweed soup laggardly boiling from their kitchen across the room.
“But wait,” His mother leans forward, eyes curious and intimidating, and it reminds Kyungsoo of those interrogation scenes from his favorite crime series.
“Are you dating someone right now?”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widen like saucers. “W-what? No! I don’t h-have one, mom!” He half whines and half grunts, a faint blush starting to creep up on the sides of his face.
Mrs. Do starts to laugh. “Alrighty then,” Her mouth forms a heart shape as she grins- something Kyungsoo also inherits along with the good genes that seem to run in their family.
“Why are you asking?” Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow.
“Nothing. It’s just something that goes with what I’m about to tell you,” His mother suddenly becomes serious, though not without looking worried and thoughtful. Kyungsoo basks in the short silence.
“In the near future, I know you’re going to find someone you’ll come to love- and if you’re lucky enough, it’s someone who’ll also come to love you in return- it’s one of the most wonderful feelings in this world, and you’ll get to experience that at least once in your whole life.”
Kyungsoo’s mother pauses and looks at his son in the eyes.
“What I want you to do is to remember this, Kyungsoo: That person isn’t someone who’ll give you butterflies, or make you sweat and feel nervous, or make your heart beat stupidly fast. When you hold his hand, your palms shouldn’t feel clammy. At all.
“That person should be someone who’ll make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Someone who’ll make you feel a state of peacefulness through his presence, and someone who’ll calm the shit down of your inner turmoils. When you hold his hand, you should feel at ease- you should feel secure. Valued. You should feel safe.”
And as 16 year old Kyungsoo struggles to absorb and internalize every single word, Mrs. Do softly shakes her head and smiles- he’ll come to understand, she thinks. He’ll get it. Someday, he’ll get it.
Kyungsoo gets it.
He gets it as he clenches his fists, the phone between his hands trembling from the pressure coming from his anxious state. Kyungsoo gets it, but he doesn't say anything.
It has been four days since the last call- and two weeks since his fiance, Jongwun, had proposed to him in his hometown in Goyang on a beautiful, rainy Tuesday night.
Kyungsoo tries to shake off the tiny jitters and doubts creeping into his mind every night Jongwun isn’t by his side on their bed. He reasons that maybe Jongwun is just busy with work, spending extra hours for their upcoming wedding day and their future married life, having no time to come home and just choosing to stay in his apartment near his workplace in Seoul.
But the worries don’t easily stop.
In the back of his mind, Kyungsoo is furtively near to going insane- his eyelids don’t even droop late at night, and the intuitions constantly rise like bile in his throat. Where is Jongwun? What is happening to him? Why won’t he even call me?
Is Jongwun changing his mind? Kyungsoo thinks of the worst case scenario. If he’s having confusions about their relationship, then why’d he ask for his hand in the first place? Did Kyungsoo do something wrong, otherwise?
A thousand questions run through his head- maybe panicking is not the answer to the whole situation, but who wouldn’t- when your fiance just proposed to you then leave you hanging and worried after a couple of days without any form of communication?
Kyungsoo is clinging to the last threads of his sanity. He’s been overly dramatic and paranoid for the last few days, and the only person who’s been keeping him levelheaded throughout the whole fiasco is Jongwun’s younger brother- Kim Jongin.
Jongin is a sweet, handsome young lad who’s only two years younger than Kyungsoo. He’s a jazz-ballet teacher in a dance studio in the neighborhood who also spends time watching over kids in a daycare center that his best friend Sehun’s older sister, Sena, owns.
Jongin has recently moved in Kyungsoo and Jongwun’s shared apartment complex the moment he heard about his older brother’s disappearance. He’d grown naturally dead worried for his brother over the past few days, and he has been constantly trying to presume Jongwun's possible whereabouts ever since the news came out.
Though, despite his heavy concern for the condition and welfare of his own older brother, Jongin seems to be more worried about Kyungsoo’s state more than anything.
Jongin tries to cheer Kyungsoo up day and night, assisting him and coaxing him to stay calm, comforting him with words like everything’s going to be alright and Jongwun will eventually come back.
Kyungsoo has always been very fond of Jongin since the beginning- even favoring him more than his own brother, Seungsoo. Jongin is neutral and kind and placid, almost a bit too mature for his age. He’s like Kyungsoo’s personal comfort zone- whenever Jongwun and him quarrel over petty things, Jongin somehow deems it an automatic reaction to fight for Kyungsoo’s side over his brother’s. It seems ridiculous, but it has always been like that- Jongin and Kyungsoo might not admit it, but they emanate a certain kind of chemistry, and other people even see their relationship as special and idiomatic.
On the night of the fifth day since Jongwun’s disappearance, Kyungsoo comes home from work with the usual frown etching all over his face. There’s still no call from Jongwun, and it resorts to his worries having already increased a hundred fold. Kyungsoo is one anxiety attack away from calling the police for the nth time, but he knows Jongin will be there to stop him like he always has. Jongin asked Kyungsoo for more patience, saying that he’ll help him get through this without any intervention that could cause unnecessary attention.
“Hyung,"
Jongin greets quietly when he steps in a few hours after Kyungsoo arrived. He shrugs his jacket off and goes to the kitchen, only to find the elder crouching over the counter with a forlorn expression, an empty mug, and an unopened sachet of white coffee on his side.
“Hyung?” Jongin tries again, and this time, Kyungsoo glances at him and forces out a weak smile. The younger walks forward with a sigh and opens the sachet- pouring the redolent contents before dispensing hot water into the mug. Jongin carefully stirs the brown liquid before slowly giving it to Kyungsoo, to which the elder lets out a small chuckle and thanks him for the gesture.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo takes a light sip. “Do you think Jongwun is alright?”
Jongin leans against the counter, his hips coming in contact with the cold tiled surface. He stares at Kyungsoo like he always does, and he can’t help but feel a familiar tug in his chest. “He is, hyung,” Jongin gives a halfhearted grin. “Jongwun hyung has always been strong.”
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin and then to the fuming mug, then he nods to himself as if trying to believe the statement.
“Jong,”
“Yeah?”
“Should we go and find your brother?”
Jongin looks a bit perplexed, like he’d half-expected the question to come out, yet he blinks and looks at Kyungsoo like he has just stupidly folded to the elder’s command.
Kyungsoo’s eyes remain wide and hopeful, filled with tiredness and anxiety and a whole other emotions that send threatening tears to his vision. Jongin doesn’t say anything for a while, and after a brief moment of calculated breaths and unanswered silence, he slowly licks his lips and smiles at Kyungsoo with raw fondness and understanding.
“If you want to, then I guess we could." Jongin answers, and in the back of his head, the thought of worrying over his brother’s condition and the current situation opt him to continue with whatever Kyungsoo might want to request.
The glint in Kyungsoo’s eyes is evident as he steps forward and hugs Jongin with much tightness and gratitude that the younger could feel his whole body being crushed. Jongin is yet to decide if he’s been making the right choices all along, because the feeling of Kyungsoo being wrapped around his own form is too pleasant for words.
“I want to start as soon as possible, Jongin,” Kyungsoo pleads, and there’s certainty and concern overflowingly laced in his voice. How could Jongin say no?
“Yeah, sure,” Jongin tries to fix a smile. “I’ll set everything up so we can start this weekend.”
Kyungsoo beams, teary-eyed, and Jongin feels something churning unfavorably in his stomach.
By the end of the week, Jongin has been able to secure everything- he'd managed to get a nice car, courtesy of Jongwun’s best friends and best men Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He has stacked up old maps from his high school Boy Scout days, and he’s done the initial grocery shopping until whenever they find his older brother.
Kyungsoo, on the other hand, had done his part inclinedly. He has requested a one-week leave from his boss, hoping it’ll be ample time to find his fiance, and he felt grateful that Junmyeon agreed without any conditions and questions- he's probably thinking it’s for the preparations for Kyungsoo’s upcoming wedding day.
Jongin has finished packing by Friday noon, and he decides to spend the rest of the day informing his parents and relatives of the quasi-rescue mission he and Kyungsoo are about to initiate. He has called Chanyeol and Baekhyun and asked them to inform him and Kyungsoo right away whenever Jongwun comes back and shows up.
Meanwhile, Kyungsoo has finished the last of his paperwork and his turn in packing, and he’s been jittery and worrisome as he paces around the apartment searching for things that belong to Jongwun.
"Why are you packing up Jongwun hyung's things?” Jongin raises an eyebrow as he holds the phone between his ear and his shoulder.
Kyungsoo’s mouth twitches, and without batting an eye, says, “Cause if that dickhead doesn’t give me a legit reason why he’s doing all this bullshit, I’m going to be the one to personally kick him out this time.”
Jongin laughs faintly, though he doesn’t really know why he’s liking that idea.
As soon as the sun has started rising the next day, Jongin and Kyungsoo prepare for the long trip and have received one last call from Chanyeol and Baekhyun, sending their regards to the two and a roguish middle finger to Jongwun.
“Are we good to go?” Jongin asks after settling everything inside the car. He turns on the engine but doesn’t step on it just yet.
Kyungsoo smiles and nods, and he takes an appreciative whiff and admires how Jongin always smells nice in the mornings- like grapefruit and strawberries. Kind of like hope and redemption in Kyungsoo’s wary days.
Jongin takes in Kyungsoo’s nervous and uneasy state and squeezes his hand- as if urging Kyungsoo to take everything in and do it for the both of them- and he gives him a lingering, encouraging smile before maneuvering the vehicle away from their apartment.
The ride is quiet and tensive, and the both of them are starting to grow anxious for what’s about to happen- whether they find Jongwun or not, whether Jongwun wants to be found or not- at least Kyungsoo and Jongin had put in their own effort and showed that they care.
Because Kyungsoo does care, for their relationship and for their future.
And because Jongin naturally cares, since they are brothers, no matter what happens.
"Do you want anything to eat?” Kyungsoo hears Jongin’s deep voice pierce through the silence and thinks how it has always been strangely comforting to him.
The elder meekly refuses. “I’m good, Jong,” he offers a weak smile. “How about you? You’re the one who’s doing all the driving.”
“Nah,” Jongin’s mouth curls up. “I had coffee this morning.”
“Just coffee?”
“Yeah, don’t worry about it, hyung.”
Kyungsoo frowns. “Want us to take turns in driving, though? I could manage the wheel if you’re already exhausted or something.”
“No, no, it’s okay."
"But-"
“I don’t want you to drive and mope at the same time, hyung- otherwise, we would have to be the ones in need of a rescue mission.”
The baritone in Jongin’s voice depletes in the air and turns into a light, hearty laugh, and Kyungsoo shouldn’t feel joyous about the whole situation still going on, but there’s something with Jongin’s voice, and just Jongin in general- like an attractive force or something- that draws him in and pulls the corner of his lips up, eliciting a throaty but happy sound in the process.
It’s the first laugh he’s ever had, ever since Jongwun disappeared.
Jongin manages to last after an hour, having driven to the location through minimal traffic and without the occasional stops and disturbances on the road. Kyungsoo had suggested they drive to places significant to the couple- Let's try checking Yonsei University first, he declares, and when Jongin had asked why, Kyungsoo says it's the place where he and Jongwun first met.
Jongin parks the car in the guests' area, while Kyungsoo tries hard not to feel nostalgic remembering the stressful yet memorable days of college. Jongwun and Kyungsoo both conquered the business field, and they took up Marketing and Finance respectively.
Kyungsoo leads the way while Jongin lets him, and they walk along the university grounds, passing through the usual scenery of students flocking together to study or just talk. Kyungsoo notices a couple of stares directed towards Jongin, and he frowns because he feels a sudden, certain kind of possessiveness in his chest that hasn't been there before. Jongin is good-looking, after all.
Yonsei's huge garden appears into view as Kyungsoo and Jongin approach the center of the university grounds- there's a huge Greek fountain in the middle, a few wooden benches on the side, and different kinds of flowers of all colors decorating the stretches of lush green grass.
"Kyungsoo hyung," Jongin asks after Kyungsoo stops halfway to scan the area. "So this is where you and hyung first met?"
"Um, yeah," Kyungsoo emanates a shy laugh. "It's kind of a cheesy story you know, so I'll just spare you the details."
Jongin grins and huffs out a breath of relief.
"Hey! Kyungsoo!"
Both heads turn to the direction of the nonnative accented voice, and Kyungsoo's eyes almost gauge out as he sees his former roommate Yixing- who was a foreign exchange student from China- walking towards their direction in a prestigous Yonsei faculty uniform with his usual softspoken smile.
"Yixing ah!" Kyungsoo's face brightens up, and he strides forward to welcome Yixing with a tight embrace and a playful smack on the shoulder. Jongin follows suit, and he quietly observes their interaction with a neutral expression plastered on his face.
"It's been so freaking long, dude," Yixing laughs. "How are you?"
"I'm good, i'm good," Kyungsoo half lies and wipes the sweat forming on his forehead. "So you're a teacher now?"
Yixing's dimples start to emerge, and Kyungsoo suddenly remembers about being envious of them when they were still in college. "Yep! I've come to love teaching along the way," he gushes proudly, and turns to acknowledge Jongin who is meekly standing on the sideline. "Oh, is this the boyfriend you've introduced me to before, Soo?" He waves at Jongin. "Hi there! You haven't changed much, my friend."
Jongin is caught offguard by the sudden question, and he blinks and blushes as he tries to stop the awkwardness from showing. Kyungsoo doesn't understand why he's suddenly feeling giddy from hearing Yixing's words, and doesn't plan on showing an inkling of the sentiment.
"N-no, Yixing, he's Jongwun's younger brother."
"Oh, okay," Yixing shows a peace sign. "My bad."
"Uh, anyway," Kyungsoo clears his throat with a stiff smile, "Have you seen Jongwun these past few days, Yixing?"
The Chinese male crosses his arms and ponders just for a bit. "Nope. I've confined myself in the university's dorms for the past week. It's nearing Midterms season and I have to finalize a lot of class records."
"Is it okay to visit the dorm building, though?"
"Of course- provided you're a member of the university's faculty and staff. Alumni and visitors aren't allowed any access for privacy reasons."
"Oh, really?" Kyungsoo sighs. "Okay."
"Why, Soo?" Yixing's usual droopy eyes largen with curiousity. "Is something wrong between you and Jongwun?"
"Uh no, not at all. This is nothing," Kyungsoo licks his lips and lets out a smile. "Anyway, thanks, Yixing ah. Me and Jongin won't stay long, but it was nice seeing you again."
"Of course, Soo! Anytime," Yixing smiles back. "Call me if you want to have soju together sometime soon."
Kyungsoo and Jongin leave Yonsei early in the afternoon, and Jongin suggests they grab dinner in a nearby pasta house before finding a hotel to stay in for the night.
"We'll go to Sokcho next," Kyungsoo mumbles and opens the Maps app on his phone. It's already twilight by the time they've finished eating and slacking, and Jongin stifles a yawn when he feels the sleepiness kick in after getting a full stomach from all the pasta he has managed to consume in one slurp. His grip on the wheel hardens as he tries to stay alert.
"How long 'til we get there?"
"4 hours if we take the train," Kyungsoo bites his lips. "But since we're traveling by car, we'll probably arrive there in 5 hours or less."
Jongin nods and doesn't say anything. Kyungsoo feels uneasy from this, from the younger's calm and understanding nature throughout the whole search, and he makes a mental note to drive them to Sokcho tomorrow and just let Jongin relax for the whole ride.
By nightfall, Kyungsoo has managed to find a small hotel that charges them a pretty cheap price for an overnight stay. They load their belongings into the room, and it seems funny to Jongin when he notices they've breathed out in unison at the sight of the two beds in each area.
Kyungsoo goes to use the bathroom first, and he feels the drowsiness clouding his mind as he brushes his teeth and washes his face with calculated movements. He almost trips as he changes into his pajamas, having cursed at the tiled floor for no apparent reason. Kyungsoo takes in his sleepy state in front of the mirror and shrugs it off before going back into the room.
What Kyungsoo didn't expect to see when he takes the first step from the bathroom door is a half-naked view of Jongin facing the wall as he slowly rummages through something in his bag. Kyungsoo's half lidded eyes immediately widen like two full moons, and there's the weird rapid heartbeat and the warm, fuzzy feeling creeping up to his face. Jongin's prominent back muscles flex with every movement of his shoulders, and he's in a crouched position which almost lets his boxers slide off from his pretty ass.
"Well fuck," Kyungsoo gulps.
Jongin's ears perk up at the sudden, soft noise and he turns around in reflex, effectively giving Kyungsoo a near heart attack as his six-pack (chocolate) abs come into full view. Kyungsoo stumbles back, the dorsal part of his knee hitting the dresser's leg, and he winces in pain and falls flat on the floor while he slowly rubs on the sore surface.
"Hyung!" Jongin runs towards Kyungsoo and kneels to his level, inspecting Kyungsoo's leg with concern and urgency, and it frustrates the elder because the proximity between them has worsen- Jongin's body is about a few inches away from him, and there's already sweat trickling down the sides of his neck and shoulders and-
"I'm alright!" Kyungsoo screeches in horror, trying to stop his eyes from staring at Jongin's abs. His lips are trembling, and the room suddenly begins to grow hot and suffocating that it's becoming hard to breathe. Jongin pauses and frowns at the sudden outburst, and he's wondering why Kyungsoo has become this red.
"I-I'm going to go sleep now," Kyungsoo is stuttering, and his laugh is coming out as awkward. He stands up without looking Jongin in the eyes and limps towards the bed. He's lying with his back facing the younger, his whole body covered with the duvet and his thick Pororo blanket.
"Good night, um, Jongin!" he croaks, and he feels bad and disgusted at himself for feeling that way towards his fiance's younger brother. It's weird, seemingly faulty, and awkward in so many ways, because he has never looked at Jongin in that perverse way. Ever.
Jongin responds, a bit perplexed from the elder's sudden change of behaviour, and Kyungsoo lets out a breath of relief when he hears the bathroom door opening and closing a few minutes after. He tries to bury the lewd thoughts and distracting images, deciding to sleep everything off in hopes of getting a good night's rest for another long day.
Kyungsoo wakes up the next morning feeling placid and unshaken, like minute strings of a heavy burden have been slowly lifted off from his chest. He hasn't woken up this composed ever since Jongwun had disappeared.
Jongwun. Kyungsoo frowns at the thought of his fiance as he stares into the ceiling above. The worries have been constantly haunting him, but the pain has gradually subsided, and Kyungsoo couldn't wait for the numbness to fully take in so he could spare himself the complexity of hurt feelings.
He has dreamed of Jongwun last night, and he recalls it being slightly morose- the image of Jongwun leaving while Kyungsoo sobs and begs for him to stay. Kyungsoo is surprised that he'd managed to wake up in such a calm state despite the uncanny nightmare.
The door from the bathroom opens and Kyungsoo turns around to see Jongin freshly clothed in his Malibu pullover and blue ripped jeans. Kyungsoo remembers the stupid incident from the night before and internally punches himself in the face.
"Good morning, Kyungsoo hyung."
Kyungsoo slowly stands up and yawns. "Good morning, Jong," he smiles, lazily stretching his short limbs. "What time is it, by the way?"
Jongin stifles a smile at how adorable Kyungsoo looks while he’s stretching.
"It's only 7 in the morning. I'll start packing the bags into the car while you freshen up so we can leave early."
"Okay," Kyungsoo hears his stomach grumble. Jongin never ceases to amaze him with his caring nature- though it has become unsettling for Kyungsoo because he'd thought a lot about Jongin and his ideal attributes more than he ever has for the past few days.
Maybe I'm just hungry. Kyungsoo thinks to himself. He feels something clogging at the base of his throat as he stares at Jongin until the younger has left the room with their bags. Kyungsoo goes into the shower while trying not to cower away from the cold water, and he doesn't forget to lock the door just incase something embarrassing might start to happen. Again.
Kyungsoo and Jongin had breakfast at the hotel's canteen before leaving for Sokcho, and Kyungsoo fulfills his troth of driving the vehicle so that Jongin can lay back and rest. He starts the engine and tries to remember those years of practice just to ace that driving test in a single take.
"You sure you can handle it, hyung?" Jongin asks in a slightly teasing manner, a few locks of his dark brown hair sticking out in different directions. Kyungsoo's eyes fall on his chiseled jawline.
"What do you mean, Jongin?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow and grins, and he huffs and cranes his neck to the side while he squares his shoulders. "I didn't pass that test in one take for nothing!"
The ride is smooth and sedate, and the atmosphere becomes instantly light as Jongin starts to laugh and Kyungsoo lets go of his doubts on his driving skills.
Kyungsoo chuckles. "Why are you laughing?"
"Nothing," Jongin says, and the laughter languidly dies down as he pauses and absentmindedly casts a fond gaze over Kyungsoo- somewhere between admiration and an actualization, and it lasts for a few minutes before Jongin blinks and clears his throat, slightly inclining his body to the side to face the scenery behind the window instead.
Kyungsoo hasn't missed the way Jongin stared, but he doesn't say anything about it and tries to focus on safely bringing them to Sokcho.
Halfway across the route, Kyungsoo's legs start to hurt- and it's the kind of pain that's slow and radiating, so he is left with no choice but to momentarily stop the car just until his legs start to feel better again. Jongin is alseep, so he figures he would just have to stay inside the car to watch over the younger.
It's been 3 hours since they left for Seoul. Kyungsoo grabs a can of coffee from the grocery bags and quietly takes a swig, feeling the gradual healing of his legs rise up. He looks to his right and sees Jongin in an awkward sleeping position- his legs spread out and his arms dangling from both sides while his neck constantly droops as a chain of snores reverberate inside the car. Kyungsoo is cupping his mouth and hiding his laugh as he helps Jongin reposition in a manner that appears less strained.
Kyungsoo leans back into his seat and locks his gaze at Jongin- he watches the slow rise and fall of his chest, and the handsome, angelic look on his face as he sleeps soundly like a child. Kyungsoo doesn't know why he feels tremulous all of a sudden, and it scares him because visions of Jongin start to cloud his mind every now and then. He looks at him and realizes that he's different- Jongin and Jongwun are two different people.
Kyungsoo frowns. There's the chord of denying a certain feeling, and the fear of committing a crucial mistake. He tries to pry his mind off the matter as he hears Jongin grunt, and decides to get back on the wheel to divert his attention to somewhere else. The pain on his legs is slowly starting to die down, anyway. (and so is the pain in his heart)
They arrive at Sokcho by noon, Jongin having woken up from the smell of salt and a strong, yet light breeze tickling the hairs on his skin. The car is parked on the side of a road, and just a few walks away, there's the tonic sight of apricot sand and the mild waves of cerulean sea water. Jongin exits the car and finds Kyungsoo mindlessly strolling along the beach.
Kyungsoo looks back at the sound of muffled footsteps, and he sees Jongin running towards him with a face that says 'I just woke up but the beach sounds nice, so yeah’.
"Hey hyung," Jongin smiles at him, then turns to gaze at the distant view over the sea. "I wasn't expecting this, to be honest."
Kyungsoo looks at him, "Expecting what?"
"This," Jongin gestures with his hands. "The beach. What's with this place?"
Kyungsoo pauses and smiles, a bitter one, and he picks up a random twig and starts drawing things into the sand's surface.
"This is where me and Jongwun had our first date."
Jongin stays silent.
"Jongwun told me this is his favourite beach, because he feels his problems being washed away whenever he sets foot on the water." Kyungsoo blinks. "I just thought, you know, he'd be here. But I searched for him while you were asleep and found no one, except for the locals, of course. I asked them about him, and they said they haven't seen anyone like Jongwun for the past few days."
Jongin sighs and puts a reassuring hand on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "That's okay, hyung," his palm runs along Kyungsoo’s arm fondly. "Maybe Jongwun hyung's somewhere else. We'll try again tomorrow."
"I'm tired, Jongin," Kyungsoo tries not to let the tears fall out. "I don't want to go anywhere at the moment. Can we stay here? Please?"
Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, and he feels his heart being torn into pieces for two different reasons.
"Of course, hyung." His lips pull up into a half-hearted smile. "Anything you want."
The day passes by a bit too quickly, and it's nightfall by the time they depart from a seafood restaurant nearby. The sky stretches into a deep purple-blue, and there's a blanket of tiny glimmering stars adorning the quiet night sky that sends Kyungsoo running near to the open space by the shore.
"Oh my god, Jongin, look!" Kyungsoo beams and stretches his neck towards the sky, and he's pointing at the stars while jumping up and down like a little kid. "It's really beautiful!"
Jongin glances up for a few seconds, before he feels his eyes slowly moving to the side where Kyungsoo is.
"Yeah. It is."
Kyungsoo and Jongin stay near the waters, having placed a huge blanket over the sand and another one over their forms to keep them warm. They sit side by side, their bodies barely having space in between, and they're talking and star gazing and just feeling the refreshing seawater beneath their toes with the cool midsummer breeze on the shore. Kyungsoo thinks it's the most intimate position they've ever had themselves in, but he doesn't complain.
"What time is it, Jong?" The elder lets out a yawn.
Jongin looks at his watch. "10 in the evening," he watches Kyungsoo with a careful regard. "Are you sleepy?"
Kyungsoo shakes his head, "Um, no," though his eyes are starting to droop.
Jongin stares at the cold liquid engulfing his feet. There's a serious, troubled expression masking his face- like some sort of indication of a thought coming into his head, and he is torn between voicing it out or keeping it to himself, like he always has.
"Kyungsoo hyung,"
"Yeah?"
"Do you still love Jongwun?"
Kyungsoo freezes, and he's being pulled out of his sleepy state by the unexpected question. He swallows a huge lump in his throat and turns to face Jongin- whose gaze remains fixed on him ever since the query came out from his mouth.
"Why are you asking, Jongin?" Kyungsoo responds quietly.
Jongin doesn't say anything, and there's a ghost of some phrasing on his face that tells Kyungsoo to answer the question without any further excuses.
"I.."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin..
"I honestly don't know anymore."
Jongin searches something in the elder's eyes, and there's a commissary- not the sea, nor the stars, nor the cool ocean breeze- that hales Jongin forward in the fervidness of the moment and press his chapped lips over Kyungsoo's soft ones.
Kyungsoo stiffens and attempts to move back in reflex, but Jongin holds him in place and snakes his hand around Kyungsoo's neck. Kyungsoo remains rigid and tries to breathe at a normal rate- yet he ends up melting into the kiss and relaxing into Jongin's soft touches.
The cool air dies down from the heated passion, and it becomes perilous as Kyungsoo inches closer and opens his mouth at the feeling of Jongin's tongue probing the elder to let him in. Kyungsoo lets out a groan, and Jongin takes this as a sign as he starts to feel him up behind his shirt while he’s raking his tongue in all corners of Kyungsoo's mouth.
Kyungsoo and Jongin both know it's wrong. Everything has always been wrong- from the time Kyungsoo started to feel different around the younger, up to the moment Jongin asked the question that's been constantly bugging him in his dreams.
A sudden ring from Kyungsoo's phone hastily breaks the two apart- their lips being laced with spit and their shirt getting wrinkled from all the gripping and hogging- and Kyungsoo reaches forward to answer the call before Jongin gets to say anything.
"H-hello?" Kyungsoo blushes and turns his back towards Jongin.
"Kyungsoo! Oh thank goodness you're still awake!"
"Baekhyun?" Kyungsoo exclaims at the tone of his best friend's voice, effectively catching Jongin's attention from behind. "Why? What happened, Baek?"
"You wouldn't believe what Chanyeol saw this afternoon,"
"What?" Kyungsoo's heartbeat goes rapid with each passing minute. "What did he see?"
Baekhyun pauses to take a dramatic breath.
"Yeol saw Jongwun today, Soo. He saw him, here in Seoul, entering his apartment with his bags and suitcases by his side. Jongwun's back, Kyungsoo."
The phone falls to the blanketed ground, Baekhyun's voice thinning out until Kyungsoo hears nothing else but the pumping cycle of his heart. The tears gather in his eyes and actually drop this time, and he sees Jongin in front of him- his rough hands shaking Kyungsoo's numb shoulders- and he's saying something in a fastly repeated manner.
"Your brother's back, Jongin," Kyungsoo's eyes are lifeless.
“What?"
"Your brother's back, Jongin. Jongwun's back."
Kyungsoo stands up without another word- leaving his phone, his blanket, and a part of his soul- and he heavily drags his body back to the car. Jongin feels the guilt and frustration eating up his conscience, and he couldn't bring himself to face Kyungsoo after the turn of events that's happened in an unbelievably short amount of time.
Jongin screams at the waters, hoping they'd drown everything in an instant, and he falls asleep by the shore with a heavy heart that seems to anchor everything around him down.
The sound of seagulls resonate in Jongin's ears, and there's the warm ray of Sokcho sunlight hitting the side of his face. There's a blanket being draped on the form of his body, and there's Kyungsoo sitting on the sand in a new shirt and a dark pair of skinny jeans.
Jongin manages to stand despite his drained stature, and this sends Kyungsoo following suit with his head constantly being bowed down. He still couldn't look Jongin in the eye.
"Morning," Kyungsoo casts a brief look. "We're going back to Seoul today. I'll wait for you to get ready. I'll be in the car.
Jongin hasn't said a single word throughout the whole ride- he honestly doesn't know what to say, in the first place- and explaining himself would only make him appear stupid. Kyungsoo keeps his eyes focused on the road despite the million different thoughts swarming in the back of his head. It pains Kyungsoo, because it hasn't occurred to him that they'd reach this point of tautness.
The ride on the way back feels a whole lot shorter, and Kyungsoo feels the sweat forming on the stirring wheel as he pulls over in the driveway of his apartment.
Kyungsoo's breaths are becoming ragged, and he's still waiting for Jongin to go out first so he could lock the car doors and close the main gate.
Jongin doesn't.
"Hyung," Jongin sounds constricted. "Let's talk."
Kyungsoo looks at Jongin with tired eyes. "Jongin, please-"
"I love you."
"No, Jongin-"
"No, you don't understand hyung," Jongin grabs Kyungsoo's clammy hands and intertwines it with his. "I've been loving you all these years- I've loved you through everything. I've been in love with you even when you and Jongwun hyung are still dating. I've been in love with you even when Jongwun hyung still hasn't. I've been in love with you even if you never felt the same way.
"Watching you two pains my heart, but I kept it all inside because I'm not someone who has the audacity to destroy a beautiful relationship just for my own sake. Both of you are very important to me, and I'd rather see myself hurting than see either one of you feeling pain all because of my selfishness. But I couldn't take it anymore, not when everything's like this.
I love you, Do Kyungsoo. I always have, and I always will."
Kyungsoo doesn't say anything. He bites back a cry because it's all too much, too much, and he's still utterly confused- the kind of confused in which there's no comprehension in telling something if it's right or wrong.
He hates it, because he doesn't feel his heart beating rapidly, and instead feels safe and valued even in the state he and Jongin are currently in. He especially hates it- the way Jongin's hand fits perfectly into his- and it stops the stupid clamminess and replaces it with a warm and secure feeling.
"W-we better go, your brother is waiting." Kyungsoo clears his throat and slowly withdraws his hand away from Jongin's (even if he doesn't want to). There's a forlorn expression on Jongin's face as Baekhyun and Chanyeol come out from the front door and start to approach the car.
The couple let Kyungsoo and Jongin head first while they help each other in placing the bags in the living room. They tell them that Jongwun's in the bedroom, and it's probably best that the three of them talk to each other in private.
"Hey, Soo," Baekhyun nudges Kyungsoo on the shoulder as they pass through the hallway.
"Yeah?"
"You and Jongin are acting a bit weird around each other," Baekhyun whispers out of the younger's earshot. "Did something happen while you two were away?"
"What? No!" Kyungsoo huffs as they ascend the stairs. His legs are feeling wobbly, and he's starting to become nervous- something Jongwun has always made him feel, and something his mother always used to warn him about- but he keeps a headstrong personality and shoos Baekhyun away before he gets to hit him with his shoe.
Kyungsoo and Jongin take a hesitant pause behind the bedroom door, the both of them feeling a hundred different things- fear being adamant and overtaking over all other emotions. Jongin looks at Kyungsoo, and the elder does the same as he takes one deep breath. Kyungsoo turns the knob with shaky fingers.
The room comes into full view- mint curtains hanging gracefully by the window sill, a trace of warm sunlight illuminating one corner, and there's Jongwun sitting on the edge of the bed with a vulnerable look on his face.
Kyungsoo freezes on the spot. Jongin takes a step forward, hoping to lessen the tension in the atmosphere as he walks towards his brother with a tight lipped grin.
"Hyung," Jongin gives Jongwun a small hug. The elder pats Jongin in the back, placing his hands on both sides of his younger brother's face as he lets out a bitter smile.
"Hey Jongin," Jongwun ruffles his hair. "Good to see you. Hope you can forgive your old bro for acting like a jerk."
Jongin doesn't say anything, and instead gives his brother a light punch in the arm. He looks at Kyungsoo who is watching with an unreadable expression on his face, then he looks at Jongwun and gestures for him to go and talk to his fiance.
Jongwun turns towards Kyungsoo’s direction and approaches him with slow, calculated steps- like he'd lose him anytime if he takes a huge clumsy leap- and Kyungsoo stays rooted on his spot, devoid of the things he want to say and the things he want to do.
"Soo," Jongwun stands in front of Kyungsoo and slowly grabs his hand, “Hey."
"Jongwun," Kyungsoo's lips tremble and the tears start pooling around the sides of his eyes. "Why? Why did you- why'd you do something like that-"
"Kyungsoo," Jongwun coos and cuts him off softly, "I have something to tell you. Just please, hear me out."
Jongin listens silently, his head perking up from the side.
"Soo, I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ran away like some fucktard that I really am- I got scared, because I was starting to feel things that don't seem right anymore- and I got nervous, because it didn't feel like I was making the right choice when I decided to propose and spend the rest of my life with you.
“What I'm trying to say is- I went away because I needed time and space. It doesn't have to do with you, or anyone around me- it's just me. I went away to see if I could clear things off my mind and come back to you with the same degree of love I've felt when I first met you, but nothing changed. I simply fell out of love, Soo- I need time to know myself more and figure out the things that I really need. I'm sorry, for everything. You deserve so much better."
Kyungsoo lets the tears fall one by one. He’s sniffling, and he’s struggling hard to breathe- his eyes are becoming puffy and red, yet he doesn’t care and lets it all out as he looks at his fiance. “You don't have to be sorry for feeling that way, Jongwun,” his grip on Jongwun's hand hardens. "I understand, even if it's painful. I don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life, too."
Jongwun lets go of Kyungsoo's hands and imprisons him in a tight, inconsolable embrace. "I'm sorry," he cries, and he's repeating the words like some sort of powerful mantra. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,” though the words hold no power over his actions.
Kyungsoo wails everything out into Jongwun's shoulder as he holds him tight- thinking that it's probably the last hug they'll ever share before they decide to go on their separate ways. Jongin has his head down in the corner, trying his best to wash the guilt and pain away, and he chokes back a sob everytime he hears Kyungsoo hurting and crying out in sadness.
The night comes with a cloudy and starless sky, and it's the first rainfall in Seoul amidst the humid summer weather that has lingered over the city in silent placidity.
It's been 7 months since Kyungsoo and Jongwun broke off their engagement, and 7 months since Kyungsoo and Jongin last talked to each other.
Jongwun and him agreed to stay good friends, just for the sake of avoiding a clash of their families and a teardown of their reputation in their personal lives. Kyungsoo hasn't heard of Jongin in a long while, and he'd be lying if he says that it's not making him sad.
Kyungsoo might have been in denial all along, but only because he hadn't thought that it would be possible to fall in love with someone in just a matter days- less than a week, if he counts it precisely and correctly.
The longevity doesn't matter, Soo, He remembers Baekhyun nagging over the phone a few months back. What matters is the intensity, the quality, and the foundation. I'm not that surprised, to be honest. Me and Chanyeol kinda guessed you two would finally come along.
Kyungsoo sighs at the words as he binge watches 'Game of Thrones' in his apartment on a Thursday night. Alone.
He hasn't stopped thinking about Jongin. Neither of them had not made any effort to talk to each other and hold a real, proper conversation- probably because the last encounter they had with each other was a huge, awkward mess- and it pains him knowing that the tight-knit friendship he's had with Jongin might easily go down the drain just because of this matter. They only see each other on rare occasions, but they don't interact when they already do. Kyungsoo mulls on the idea of having to constantly miss Jongin until they see each other again.
There's a series of soft knocks as Kyungsoo pauses the show to get a refill of his popcorn, and he carefully runs bare-footed from the kitchen to the living room and open the large mahogany door.
"Hey hyung,"
Kyungsoo coughs at the sight of Jongin on his front door, all dressed in black with a red cap on top of his brown locks. He's become leaner and more handsome than before, and there's a slight maturity dawning over his face as he looks at Kyungsoo with the same, unchanging fondness.
"J-Jongin!" Kyungsoo suddenly grabs his hand as he welcomes Jongin into the apartment. "Please, come in," he stutters. The feeling of Jongin's hands still give him safety and warmth.
"How are you?"
Jongin sits on the couch and gives Kyungsoo a warm smile, "I'm doing fine, hyung," he pats the cushion beside him and signals Kyungsoo to come nearer. "How about you?"
"I'm okay," Kyungsoo walks to the couch and slowly sinks down on his seat as he lets out a nervous laugh. "It's nice seeing you pay me a visit."
Jongin rakes a hand over his own hair. “I've always wanted to see you. I was just waiting for the right time, hyung."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Oh."
Jongin turns his body to the side, and he's facing Kyungsoo with a certain kind of longing- like he's been searching for the elder for a whole lifetime. He slowly leans forward, inch by inch, until their foreheads bump against each other, Jongin feeling Kyungsoo's breath fanning over his lips. Kyungsoo's mind goes blank and he doesn't move.
"I miss you, hyung,"
Kyungsoo stares back. "I miss you too, Jongin."
Jongin closes his eyes and takes a deep breath- it’s become hard to decipher anything amidst the overwhelming emotions he's feeling at the moment.
"Hyung,"
"Yeah?"
"Do you still love Jongwun?"
“..”
"No."
Jongin bites back a smile.
"Then if I kiss you now, would you kiss me back?"
Kyungsoo feigns an indecisive expression, laughing as he sees Jongin growl at the painfully teasing behaviour he's just shown.
"Yes. I would."
"Then.. what would that mean?"
Kyungsoo searches for something all over Jongin's face- and there's really nothing else except for love, love, love, and much more love. He smiles.
"It means that I love you, too."
Jongin pushes his body forward and captures Kyungsoo's plush lips with his- and there's an explosion of fireworks and dynamites in the pits of their stomach as they make up for the lost time when they weren't in each other's arms.
Kyungsoo now understands why it was never Jongwun to begin and end with. He understands why the heavens gave him Jongin instead, and how he's always there (from the start) whenever something goes wrong in his life. Kyungsoo gets it.
Kyungsoo finally gets it.