(for ridzithenerd) to save a life ✸ part 2 of 2
❊ for: ridzithenerd
❊ title: to save a life
Meeting with Jongin becomes a daily tradition for Kyungsoo.
After his morning group rounds, he’ll eat his breakfast with a gossiping Baekhyun talking his head off, fulfill all of his daily nursing duties, and then meet up with Jongin in the early evening before dinner. The patient always greets him with an enthusiastic wave and a bright grin, and Kyungsoo hates to admit that seeing that smile somehow makes his tiring twelve hour work days worthwhile.
They talk about themselves, the weather, their favourite movies, hobbies, animals, and everything of the like. Kyungsoo learns that Jongin is just a year younger than him, currently working in a job that he adamantly won’t tell the nurse about. Though they become friends over the next few days, Kyungsoo still has an inkling that Jongin is a secretive person because he’s good at avoiding personal questions the nurse asks about his life or his injuries. He can’t say he feels completely trusting of the other, but he thinks the new addition of the sociable and chatty Jongin in his life has been a good one.
Kyungsoo finds himself smiling more often; laughing at the dumb jokes and stories Jongin tells him or just plain grinning when the other simply smiles at him first.
Yerim notices too, as Kyungsoo spend the other majority of his time with her.
“You’re more smiley now, Mister Do. Did you find a reason to be happy?” It had been a week since Kyungsoo had started seeing Jongin everyday, and he thinks that, huh, maybe I did.
“I think so, Yerim. Everyday I go and see this really funny patient, I like talking to him about stuff and we always laugh a lot. That’s a good reason to be happy, right?” Kyungsoo is sitting on the patient’s bed with his arm around the little girl, how they like to sit and talk everyday.
“He sounds really nice, could I meet him one day? I gotta know who was able to make frowny Mister Do so happy.” Yerim giggles as Kyungsoo pushes her playfully for her teasing.
“Hm, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Only well behaved kids get to go on field trips around the hospital and visit other people,” The nurse jokes, tone light.
“Hey! I’m a well behaved kid, I promise!” The little girl emphasizes her point with crossed arms and an adorable pout on her lips, and Kyungsoo resists the urge to pinch her cute, round cheeks. “I really wanna go on a field trip! I’ve just been in bed all week, it gets boring after a while, you know.”
“I’ll ask him next time I see him, but it should be alright. We can visit the hospital garden and see all the flowers too, does that sound like fun?” Yerim nods enthusiastically at the proposal, but then just as suddenly her expression turns glum. The nurse frowns at the sudden change in her usually cheerful demeanor, worried about what could have caused it.
“Hey, Yerim, what’s the matter?”
“My mommy, she really likes flowers too. I wish she could come with us.” The little girl is close to sniffling now, and Kyungsoo tries his best to comfort her by rubbing his hand up and down her back, knowing there wasn’t much else he could do or say to help her any more. “She’s not going to ever wake up, is she, Mister Do?”
And those were the words that Kyungsoo was fearing the most, having avoided talking to Yerim about her mother’s condition all week because he simply did not know how to break the saddening news to her. He’s still hesitating on what to say when Yerim gently punts her hand in his, looking at him with wide eyes full of trust, a look that Kyungsoo does not think he deserves. “It’s okay, Mister Do, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I know that mommy’s going to heaven soon to be with daddy.” By now the younger was leaning her head on the nurse’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo is at a loss of words, completely blown away by the maturity that the nine-year-old was displaying. It was as if she had already accepted the fact that she knew this was going to happen to her mother, and she seemed almost unaffected by it.
“And how are you feeling about…everything?” The nurse wasn’t sure if the best thing Yerim needed was to keep thinking about it, but he really needed to know where she stood emotionally and psychologically.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot while I’ve been here, and I think that I don’t want her to be in pain anymore, so if she needs to go, then that’s okay too.” Yerim closed her eyes with a deep sigh, a wistful sound beyond her years, and it had Kyungsoo’s heart aching for the girl. He wished he could do more to help her as much as possible, to always make sure she was always smiling, but sometimes life was just so damned unfair.
Kyungsoo stays until Yerim falls asleep, stroking her hair to soothe her, wishing he had some sort of higher power that could save her from all of the horrible circumstances handed to the little girl. He would never wish this type of tragedy on anyone, as he’s experienced it before too and would never want anyone else to suffer like he did. Like Yerim's doing, now.
[-]
“You seem upset, is everything alright?” Kyungsoo is spending his dinner break with Jongin again, sitting on a chair beside his bed with a salad and talking about nothing and everything. He hadn’t realized he’d let his conflicted emotions take over his face - he’s usually more professional about closing off his personal feelings so that his patients were always his number one focus.
“Oh. Sort of...Well, not really,” Kyungsoo looks down at his food with a hand scratching the nape of his neck, embarrassed at revealing how he was feeling since he was never really one to seek out advice or comfort from others. He looks back up to see Jongin looking at him expectantly, so he continues, “I have a nine-year-old patient called Yerim who suffered a car crash with her mother a couple of weeks ago. She’s doing well now; survived with a broken leg, but her mother has been comatose ever since. We already know she’s not going to make it.
“But Yerim, she’s already accepted this fact, and I wish I could help her so she doesn’t feel so alone. I think CPS are going to take her away to a foster home soon, and I’ve known from experience that she’s not going to get the love and treatment she deserves if she ends up stuck there. I just wish there was more I could do to help her.” Kyungsoo doesn’t expect to feel the tears pool in his eyes, but sure enough, when he looks up at the other, his vision is blurry. Jongin reaches to pat his arm with his hand in silent comfort, and the nurse doesn’t expect the rush of relief the simple touch brings him. Kyungsoo supposes it’s been a while since he’s shown this kind of vulnerability in front of someone else, having never tried to depend on another person for stability so as not to burden them with his own personal issues.
“Hey, you’re obviously already doing as much as you can by just being there for her. Sometimes that’s all a person needs, you know?” Jongin’s still rubbing up and down his arm whilst Kyungsoo blinks away the tears, nodding at his words. “What were you saying about ‘from experience’?” The patient is speaking softly to the other, as if he doesn’t even want the walls to hear about their private conversation, and Kyungsoo appreciates the fact that Jongin is being so compassionate towards him in his weakened state of being.
“I- I was in foster care for four years after my parents passed away in a car crash. It was the worst four years of my life because I was just passed around through families who just wanted the money and didn’t care for children. I only got out because I turned eighteen. That’s when I went into practical nursing, with the money I saved from jobs I worked all through high school. I guess I chose to go into pediatrics because I don’t ever want any child to suffer the way I did.” By the time Kyungsoo is finished, he’s still looking down into his lap, not noticing the way Jongin is staring at him in absolute wonderment.
“That’s…really amazing, Kyungsoo. I think to be able to overcome something like that and still work so humbly and wholeheartedly for others is a really incredibly thing to do.” The nurse blushes at the other’s words, but still doesn’t look up, needing a moment to collect himself after revealing so much of himself to someone else. He doesn’t know what is it, but something about Jongin made him want to trust the other completely, to reveal things about himself he’d never told another. He feels as if Jongin’s presence is familiar, like he’s known him from somewhere before, and maybe that’s why Kyungsoo felt like he could trust him so easily.
“I just want her to be okay,” the elder whispers, finally looking up to see Jongin’s gaze intent on his face, his hand still wrapped around his wrist.
“I’m sure everything will be fine, Kyungsoo.”
[-]
When Kyungsoo walks out of Jongin’s room, after promising to bring Yerim by the next day, he does not expect to find Baekhyun waiting for him in the break room with a knowing smirk plastered on his face.
“So, Jongin, huh?” Kyungsoo could already tell where this was going, and only rolls his eyes at the other as he walks by him. “It’s okay, I’ll pretend you don’t think he’s the hottest thing ever. Though does this count as my I owe you, since you wouldn’t have ever met him if not for me.” The pediatric nurse almost feels like strangling the other for his teasing, but that’s probably just the reaction Baekhyun’s hoping for. “And don’t worry, he thinks you’re cute too. Every time I have rounds, he literally never stops talking about you.” The other nurse is wearing a shit-eating grin, glad to see that his comments at least make Kyungsoo a little bit flustered as he fidgets upon hearing them.
“Baekhyun. He is a patient. That is strictly against policy.”
“Ah, so you have thought about it!” Kyungsoo really hates his best friend sometimes, already feeling a headache coming on because of this confrontation. “And technically, he’s not your patient, he’s mine. And he’s being released tomorrow so after then he won’t be a patient at all anymore. As in you can do for it!” Baekhyun flashes him a thumbs up for emphasis.
“Wait, he’s being released tomorrow?” Kyungsoo had not known about this. Jongin had never mentioned it, and Kyungsoo didn’t look at his charts anymore when they met up because the other had insisted they not speak in nurse/patient terms, but rather on friendly terms.
“You didn’t know? Well yeah, he is. Guess you better get his digits before then, Soo! Alright I gotta go. Got a date with Chanyeol now that we both actually have free time.” With that, Baekhyun left with a quick wave and a cheeky grin, leaving Kyungsoo to sigh for the millionth time that week.
[-]
That night, Kyungsoo dreams of an unknown boy lying in the rain, with deep bruises littering his skin and blood seeping from two bullet holes in his chest. He knows he’s had this dream often before, but not at least in the past few years.
Of course he remembers that night he saved a mysterious boy’s life when he was nineteen, but he hadn’t really put much thought into the event in the last couple of years. He never found out who the boy was, and never thought to figure it out. Kyungsoo just assumed he’d never find the boy whose life he had saved five years ago.
[-]
Kyungsoo feels an odd sense of foreboding when he comes into work the next day. It had been raining all night and the downpour was still going on all morning, and that in itself was a bad sign for the nurse since he wasn’t at all fond of storms.
He starts his morning rounds as usual; reassuring the children and administering medication. But when he comes to Yerim's room, he’s shocked to find it completely empty, the bed made up and everything nicely cleaned.
Kyungsoo immediately runs out and looks for Doctor Kim, thankfully finding him quickly walking down the hallway, clipboard in hand.
“Where is Kim Yerim?!” Kyungsoo nearly screams, causing the pediatrician to jump at his sudden outburst. Doctor Kim doesn’t look very impressed with the nurse for shouting at him down the hallway, but he must have been able to tell that the matter was urgent by the panic written all over Kyungsoo’s face.
“Late last night, her mother passed away in her comatose state. A CPS agent took Yerim early this morning after hearing the news.” Kyungsoo couldn’t believe what he was hearing, she couldn’t just be gone. He shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to her, or take her to visit the gardens, or let her meet Jongin. Jongin. He suddenly thinks, he was supposed to get released today!
Feeling frazzled, Kyungsoo quickly thanks the doctor and makes his way to the second floor, to Jongin’s room.
When he opens the door, Kyungsoo feels like he might have expected a lot of things, like Jongin sitting up in bed with that bright grin he always greeted him with, or Jongin all ready and dressed to be checked out of the hospital.
But what he doesn’t expect is for the room to be completely darkened, all the blinds and curtains closed, and the click of a gun as it is raised to him, the tall man wearing an expensive looking suit on the other side of the gun definitely not Jongin.
Kyungsoo feels his heartbeat quicken at the sight of a semi-automatic handgun aimed straight at his chest, the owner smirking at him coldly.
“Nurse Do Kyungsoo, pleased to finally make your acquaintance. I’ve heard a lot about you.” The nurse tries not to move a muscle, even though he can feel his hands visibly shaking. The other man seems to notice, and his smirk grows wider, pleased at his reaction.
“Wh-where’s Jongin?” Kyungsoo finally braves, cursing himself for stuttering like a fool in such a dire situation.
The tall man raises his thick eyebrows, “Are you really concerned about him right now? You’re not curious as to where Kim Yerim is, or who the hell I am?” The nurse feels his blood turn to ice when the nine-year-old girl is mentioned, mind instantly anxious over the million terrible things that could have happened to her.
“Don’t worry, they’re both safe...For now. That’s actually what I came to talk to you about today.” The man sits down on the recently sanitized hospital bed, patting the space next to him expectantly. Seeing as the other was still holding the hand gun, Kyungsoo doesn’t really see any reason to disobey. He sits down next to the other gingerly, as far away as possible and avoiding eye contacting with the dangerous looking man with the piercing eyes.
“Maybe I should give you some context before I tell you what I want from you. I am Kris. That’s all you need to know about me. Jongin, as you know him, is definitely not who you think he is.” The man, Kris, wipes invisible dust front his expensive silk pant legs, pausing for effect. “He used to work for me, I run a…secret organization, of sorts. Five years ago, Jongin tried to leave it, and with the amount of valuable information he knows, I couldn’t have that. I believe that’s when you found him on the side of the street and patched him up?” Kyungsoo’s gasps and his eyes widen when he hears the information. Oh god, Jongin and Kris were mobsters? But even crazier than that - Jongin was the boy from the park that Kyungsoo had saved?! What were the chances, really? He couldn’t believe what he was hearing anymore. He wished he could wake up from this terrible nightmare soon.
“I guess Jongin hasn’t told you he knew. It made sense why he was trying to get closer to you.” The nurse finally looks the other in the eye, how does Kris know all of this information?
As if reading his mind, the man smirks again, “Oh we’ve been keeping tabs on you. Now to the matter at hand. The first time we tried to dispose of Jongin, it clearly didn’t work out so well. He’s good at disappearing and laying low, thanks to all the training we’ve given him, but after the fight he had with one of our men to land in this hospital, it wasn’t too difficult to track you both here.” Kris crosses his legs elegantly, tone nonchalant as if just speaking of the weather or the recent decreases in the stocks. The fact infuriated Kyungsoo somewhat, wanting the terrifying man to get on with his story so he could figure out what the hell he was supposed to do about the whole situation.
“So, Kim Jongin needs disposing of, and you, Do Kyungsoo, will be the one to do it.”
“You want me to dispose of him? As in kill him?! What the hell? No way!” Kyungsoo is shouting by this point, completely overwhelmed by everything that he’s heard in the last ten minutes. He stands up and tries to rush to the door, maybe to call for help, all he knew was that he had to get the hell out of there.
He makes it to the door when he freezes at the sound of a gun cocking, the click ringing loud even through the rush of blood in Kyungsoo’s ears.
“You see, I was afraid you might say that. Now why don’t you lock the door and come back here so we can talk about this.” Kyungsoo hesitantly does as he’s told, turning around to see Kris still calmly sitting on the bed, gun in hand again.
“Now, I would listen if you want to ensure the safety of Kim Yerim and Byun Baekhyun. You will carry this out, and if you fail to, I will not hesitate to end both of their lives. Understood?” Kyungsoo gulps at the thought of them being harmed because of him, panic settling in again when all he can do is nod numbly.
“Good, glad we got that out of the way. You will be needing this, I believe,” Kris casually hands him a 9 mm Luger, and Kyungsoo swallows thickly as he takes it. He’s shot guns before, back when he was in foster care and his foster brother had insisted he learn how, but he’d never thought he’d be using one for this.
“Why me?” The nurse finally gets the nerve to ask, wondering out of all the people in the world, why he was being forced to carry out this dangerous task. He’s just a regular nurse trying to help all the people he can. He hasn’t even decided if he can mentally go through this. The thought of hurting and ending another person’s life - it was just all too much to handle.
“He trusts you the most.” Kris states simply, “Now, here’s his address. You’ll go in, complete the task, and then my men will be waiting to move in for cleanup. Yerim will be delivered to you shortly after. Any more questions?” Kyungsoo looks down at the paper of the address he was handed, heart pounding at what he had to do. When he shakes his head, Kris immediately stands up and exist the room like the dark and menacing shadow he is, leaving Kyungsoo to his own anxious thoughts about what he was supposed to do.
[-]
Kyungsoo requests time off from work in the afternoon due to him feeling ill (which technically was not a complete lie). He knocks on the rundown motel door numbly, not even thinking about what he was doing anymore. He had changed out of his scrubs into regular clothes, not wanting to attract too much attention to himself whilst out on his mission. The rain had still not let up during the afternoon, and Kyungsoo is almost amused about how those ominous vibes he had this morning turned out to be correct. By the time Jongin answers the door, the nurse is already soaking wet in rainwater, shivering slightly.
“Kyungsoo? What are you doing here? How’d you know I was here?” Jongin inquires while pulling the other in a hug and ushering him inside to get him out of the rain.
“The h-hospital sent m-me to give you your m-meds,” Kyungsoo stutters through the chattering in his teeth, holding up a nondescript brown paper bag. He had come prepared to his motel room with an excuse, of course.
Jongin takes it with a soft thanks, his fingers lightly brushing the other’s, and Kyungsoo flinches at the feeling.
“Come on, I was just heating up some soup, if you want some to warm you up,” Jongin smiles sweetly at the nurse, and Kyungsoo can’t help but be reminded of his earlier conversation with Baekhyun, about his feelings for the other. Kyungsoo already knew he couldn’t go through with this - just seeing the other man sent warm tingles down his spine, and he could never hurt another person in that way.
They walk through the cheap motel to the kitchen, the elder trying not to grimace at the dreary furniture and the ugly coloured walls he sees.
While Jongin’s at the stove with his back to the other, Kyungsoo stood by the counter, looking down and contemplating how to tell Jongin the truth about why he was here today. He definitely knew he wasn’t going to carry out the terrible deed.
“So, Kyungsoo. Are you going to tell me why you showed up here with a gun in your waistband and a fake excuse about meds?” Kyungsoo freezes in his spot, looking at Jongin with barely concealed astonishment in his wide eyes. “I felt the gun when I hugged you, it wasn’t very sneaky of you, you know.” He’s trying to asses if Jongin looks angry, but his face remains completely impassive, not giving away a single thought inside of his head.
“…K-Kris…” Kyungsoo doesn’t even finish speaking before he breaks down, tears running down his face and small gasps leaves his choked up throat. The other is by his side instantly, gently pulling him into a hug with soothing hands rubbing up and down his back.
“He said he’d hurt Yerim and Baekhyun if I didn’t do it. But I knew before I even got here that I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, Jongin. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do,” Kyungsoo is panting between sobs now, wetting the front of Jongin’s sweater where the younger has pushed his face into.
“Hey, hey, Kyungsoo. It’s okay, it’s not your fault, Everything will be fine, I’m making sure of it, okay?” Jongin starts swaying the other gently back and forth whilst they’re standing, not wanting to see those big brown eyes cry anymore.
“But what about Yerim and Baekhyun? What if I can’t help them? What if he hurts them? What if-” Kyungsoo is interrupted by Jongin abruptly pressing his lips against his own, successfully calming him down from the panic attack he was about to endure.
Jongin pulls away slightly and gazes into Kyungsoo’s eyes, “Do you trust me?” The older can feel his whisper on his lips, and finds himself automatically nodding, leaning up to kiss Jongin again, more deeply this time. They both savour the feeling, not realizing just how much they wanted and needed this until they finally had a taste of each other. Kyungsoo loops his arms around the other’s next, about to deepen the kiss, when suddenly, loud banging noises erupt from the rooms all around them. Kyungsoo instantly pushes himself away from the other in fear, hearing shouting and distinct gunshot noises from right outside the door.
Jongin just calmly holds onto his hand, maneuvering them to sit behind the counter, away from all of the walls, with Kyugsoo huddled into his side until the noises end about five minutes later.
“What was that?” Kyungsoo whispered when all was quiet, the terror still taking over his entire body.
“That, was my men taking down Kris’s, I believe.” Jongin answers with a proud smirk.
The older looks up at the other in wonder, not believing that this was all planned, “You knew they were going to be here?”
“Well, I had a hunch. I knew he would probably try something as soon as I left the hospital, I alerted my team immediately, and voilá Kris and his men are all behind bars. It’s pretty good to have lots of connections, right?” Jongin looked so satisfied with himself, that Kyungsoo couldn’t help but kiss the adorable smile adorning his face, proud of him to have been able to pull all of it off.
“And Yerim and Baekhyun?”
“Baekhyun is still at the hospital, unharmed, and one of my men, Sehun, who worked as a double agent for Kris, took Yerim to one of our safe houses. I told you everything would be okay, Kyungsoo.” Jongin leans in to rest his head on the other’s shoulder, the nurse in turn resting his head on Jongin’s.
And that’s how they sit for a while, waiting for the adrenaline of the afternoon’s events to die down. They should probably discuss the matters concerning Jongin’s shady past, or figure out where the two of them go from there, but they can’t bring themselves to at the moment. Instead, they watch the thick rain clouds dissipate as the sun emerges, casting it’s golden glow around both of them. Finally basking in each other’s warmth, safe at last.
Epilogue
“Come on you guys are so slow!” Yerim looks back at where she’s dragging Jongin and Kyungsoo by one hand each, the three of them on their way to the park. The snow is falling gently in soft curtains all around them, and it had been upon Yerim’s insistence that they go outside and play in it, though Kyungsoo had at first been strongly opposed to the idea.
They reach the park in record speed, probably due to the ten-year-old girl dragging them along for most of the way, and Kyungsoo fleetingly thinks that the girl sure could run fast now that her leg cast was gone.
Hand in hand in hand, the trio make their way through the frozen garden of flower beds that sparkle with frost in the weak winter sun.
The now Head Nurse watches as his boyfriend chases his (soon to be adopted) foster daughter around the grass. They throw snowballs at each other and giggle hysterically, and he can’t help but grin at the adorable sight while his heart feels like it will burst from the amount of love he feels for the two.
Kyungsoo is suddenly reminded of something that Yerim had told him only a few months ago, though it felt like it had been years.
“You have to find something to smile about, Mister Do, and then you can be happy.”
And Kyungsoo realizes that this- this is it; his perfect Jongin, his beautiful Yerim, his fulfilling work, these are the reasons he smiles everyday, now. Because they all make him so unbelievably, irrevocably, and undeniably happy that Kyungsoo never has a reason not to smile, ever again.
El Fin
❊ title: to save a life
Meeting with Jongin becomes a daily tradition for Kyungsoo.
After his morning group rounds, he’ll eat his breakfast with a gossiping Baekhyun talking his head off, fulfill all of his daily nursing duties, and then meet up with Jongin in the early evening before dinner. The patient always greets him with an enthusiastic wave and a bright grin, and Kyungsoo hates to admit that seeing that smile somehow makes his tiring twelve hour work days worthwhile.
They talk about themselves, the weather, their favourite movies, hobbies, animals, and everything of the like. Kyungsoo learns that Jongin is just a year younger than him, currently working in a job that he adamantly won’t tell the nurse about. Though they become friends over the next few days, Kyungsoo still has an inkling that Jongin is a secretive person because he’s good at avoiding personal questions the nurse asks about his life or his injuries. He can’t say he feels completely trusting of the other, but he thinks the new addition of the sociable and chatty Jongin in his life has been a good one.
Kyungsoo finds himself smiling more often; laughing at the dumb jokes and stories Jongin tells him or just plain grinning when the other simply smiles at him first.
Yerim notices too, as Kyungsoo spend the other majority of his time with her.
“You’re more smiley now, Mister Do. Did you find a reason to be happy?” It had been a week since Kyungsoo had started seeing Jongin everyday, and he thinks that, huh, maybe I did.
“I think so, Yerim. Everyday I go and see this really funny patient, I like talking to him about stuff and we always laugh a lot. That’s a good reason to be happy, right?” Kyungsoo is sitting on the patient’s bed with his arm around the little girl, how they like to sit and talk everyday.
“He sounds really nice, could I meet him one day? I gotta know who was able to make frowny Mister Do so happy.” Yerim giggles as Kyungsoo pushes her playfully for her teasing.
“Hm, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Only well behaved kids get to go on field trips around the hospital and visit other people,” The nurse jokes, tone light.
“Hey! I’m a well behaved kid, I promise!” The little girl emphasizes her point with crossed arms and an adorable pout on her lips, and Kyungsoo resists the urge to pinch her cute, round cheeks. “I really wanna go on a field trip! I’ve just been in bed all week, it gets boring after a while, you know.”
“I’ll ask him next time I see him, but it should be alright. We can visit the hospital garden and see all the flowers too, does that sound like fun?” Yerim nods enthusiastically at the proposal, but then just as suddenly her expression turns glum. The nurse frowns at the sudden change in her usually cheerful demeanor, worried about what could have caused it.
“Hey, Yerim, what’s the matter?”
“My mommy, she really likes flowers too. I wish she could come with us.” The little girl is close to sniffling now, and Kyungsoo tries his best to comfort her by rubbing his hand up and down her back, knowing there wasn’t much else he could do or say to help her any more. “She’s not going to ever wake up, is she, Mister Do?”
And those were the words that Kyungsoo was fearing the most, having avoided talking to Yerim about her mother’s condition all week because he simply did not know how to break the saddening news to her. He’s still hesitating on what to say when Yerim gently punts her hand in his, looking at him with wide eyes full of trust, a look that Kyungsoo does not think he deserves. “It’s okay, Mister Do, you don’t have to lie to make me feel better. I know that mommy’s going to heaven soon to be with daddy.” By now the younger was leaning her head on the nurse’s shoulder, and Kyungsoo is at a loss of words, completely blown away by the maturity that the nine-year-old was displaying. It was as if she had already accepted the fact that she knew this was going to happen to her mother, and she seemed almost unaffected by it.
“And how are you feeling about…everything?” The nurse wasn’t sure if the best thing Yerim needed was to keep thinking about it, but he really needed to know where she stood emotionally and psychologically.
“I’ve been thinking about it a lot while I’ve been here, and I think that I don’t want her to be in pain anymore, so if she needs to go, then that’s okay too.” Yerim closed her eyes with a deep sigh, a wistful sound beyond her years, and it had Kyungsoo’s heart aching for the girl. He wished he could do more to help her as much as possible, to always make sure she was always smiling, but sometimes life was just so damned unfair.
Kyungsoo stays until Yerim falls asleep, stroking her hair to soothe her, wishing he had some sort of higher power that could save her from all of the horrible circumstances handed to the little girl. He would never wish this type of tragedy on anyone, as he’s experienced it before too and would never want anyone else to suffer like he did. Like Yerim's doing, now.
[-]
“You seem upset, is everything alright?” Kyungsoo is spending his dinner break with Jongin again, sitting on a chair beside his bed with a salad and talking about nothing and everything. He hadn’t realized he’d let his conflicted emotions take over his face - he’s usually more professional about closing off his personal feelings so that his patients were always his number one focus.
“Oh. Sort of...Well, not really,” Kyungsoo looks down at his food with a hand scratching the nape of his neck, embarrassed at revealing how he was feeling since he was never really one to seek out advice or comfort from others. He looks back up to see Jongin looking at him expectantly, so he continues, “I have a nine-year-old patient called Yerim who suffered a car crash with her mother a couple of weeks ago. She’s doing well now; survived with a broken leg, but her mother has been comatose ever since. We already know she’s not going to make it.
“But Yerim, she’s already accepted this fact, and I wish I could help her so she doesn’t feel so alone. I think CPS are going to take her away to a foster home soon, and I’ve known from experience that she’s not going to get the love and treatment she deserves if she ends up stuck there. I just wish there was more I could do to help her.” Kyungsoo doesn’t expect to feel the tears pool in his eyes, but sure enough, when he looks up at the other, his vision is blurry. Jongin reaches to pat his arm with his hand in silent comfort, and the nurse doesn’t expect the rush of relief the simple touch brings him. Kyungsoo supposes it’s been a while since he’s shown this kind of vulnerability in front of someone else, having never tried to depend on another person for stability so as not to burden them with his own personal issues.
“Hey, you’re obviously already doing as much as you can by just being there for her. Sometimes that’s all a person needs, you know?” Jongin’s still rubbing up and down his arm whilst Kyungsoo blinks away the tears, nodding at his words. “What were you saying about ‘from experience’?” The patient is speaking softly to the other, as if he doesn’t even want the walls to hear about their private conversation, and Kyungsoo appreciates the fact that Jongin is being so compassionate towards him in his weakened state of being.
“I- I was in foster care for four years after my parents passed away in a car crash. It was the worst four years of my life because I was just passed around through families who just wanted the money and didn’t care for children. I only got out because I turned eighteen. That’s when I went into practical nursing, with the money I saved from jobs I worked all through high school. I guess I chose to go into pediatrics because I don’t ever want any child to suffer the way I did.” By the time Kyungsoo is finished, he’s still looking down into his lap, not noticing the way Jongin is staring at him in absolute wonderment.
“That’s…really amazing, Kyungsoo. I think to be able to overcome something like that and still work so humbly and wholeheartedly for others is a really incredibly thing to do.” The nurse blushes at the other’s words, but still doesn’t look up, needing a moment to collect himself after revealing so much of himself to someone else. He doesn’t know what is it, but something about Jongin made him want to trust the other completely, to reveal things about himself he’d never told another. He feels as if Jongin’s presence is familiar, like he’s known him from somewhere before, and maybe that’s why Kyungsoo felt like he could trust him so easily.
“I just want her to be okay,” the elder whispers, finally looking up to see Jongin’s gaze intent on his face, his hand still wrapped around his wrist.
“I’m sure everything will be fine, Kyungsoo.”
[-]
When Kyungsoo walks out of Jongin’s room, after promising to bring Yerim by the next day, he does not expect to find Baekhyun waiting for him in the break room with a knowing smirk plastered on his face.
“So, Jongin, huh?” Kyungsoo could already tell where this was going, and only rolls his eyes at the other as he walks by him. “It’s okay, I’ll pretend you don’t think he’s the hottest thing ever. Though does this count as my I owe you, since you wouldn’t have ever met him if not for me.” The pediatric nurse almost feels like strangling the other for his teasing, but that’s probably just the reaction Baekhyun’s hoping for. “And don’t worry, he thinks you’re cute too. Every time I have rounds, he literally never stops talking about you.” The other nurse is wearing a shit-eating grin, glad to see that his comments at least make Kyungsoo a little bit flustered as he fidgets upon hearing them.
“Baekhyun. He is a patient. That is strictly against policy.”
“Ah, so you have thought about it!” Kyungsoo really hates his best friend sometimes, already feeling a headache coming on because of this confrontation. “And technically, he’s not your patient, he’s mine. And he’s being released tomorrow so after then he won’t be a patient at all anymore. As in you can do for it!” Baekhyun flashes him a thumbs up for emphasis.
“Wait, he’s being released tomorrow?” Kyungsoo had not known about this. Jongin had never mentioned it, and Kyungsoo didn’t look at his charts anymore when they met up because the other had insisted they not speak in nurse/patient terms, but rather on friendly terms.
“You didn’t know? Well yeah, he is. Guess you better get his digits before then, Soo! Alright I gotta go. Got a date with Chanyeol now that we both actually have free time.” With that, Baekhyun left with a quick wave and a cheeky grin, leaving Kyungsoo to sigh for the millionth time that week.
[-]
That night, Kyungsoo dreams of an unknown boy lying in the rain, with deep bruises littering his skin and blood seeping from two bullet holes in his chest. He knows he’s had this dream often before, but not at least in the past few years.
Of course he remembers that night he saved a mysterious boy’s life when he was nineteen, but he hadn’t really put much thought into the event in the last couple of years. He never found out who the boy was, and never thought to figure it out. Kyungsoo just assumed he’d never find the boy whose life he had saved five years ago.
[-]
Kyungsoo feels an odd sense of foreboding when he comes into work the next day. It had been raining all night and the downpour was still going on all morning, and that in itself was a bad sign for the nurse since he wasn’t at all fond of storms.
He starts his morning rounds as usual; reassuring the children and administering medication. But when he comes to Yerim's room, he’s shocked to find it completely empty, the bed made up and everything nicely cleaned.
Kyungsoo immediately runs out and looks for Doctor Kim, thankfully finding him quickly walking down the hallway, clipboard in hand.
“Where is Kim Yerim?!” Kyungsoo nearly screams, causing the pediatrician to jump at his sudden outburst. Doctor Kim doesn’t look very impressed with the nurse for shouting at him down the hallway, but he must have been able to tell that the matter was urgent by the panic written all over Kyungsoo’s face.
“Late last night, her mother passed away in her comatose state. A CPS agent took Yerim early this morning after hearing the news.” Kyungsoo couldn’t believe what he was hearing, she couldn’t just be gone. He shook his head in disbelief. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to her, or take her to visit the gardens, or let her meet Jongin. Jongin. He suddenly thinks, he was supposed to get released today!
Feeling frazzled, Kyungsoo quickly thanks the doctor and makes his way to the second floor, to Jongin’s room.
When he opens the door, Kyungsoo feels like he might have expected a lot of things, like Jongin sitting up in bed with that bright grin he always greeted him with, or Jongin all ready and dressed to be checked out of the hospital.
But what he doesn’t expect is for the room to be completely darkened, all the blinds and curtains closed, and the click of a gun as it is raised to him, the tall man wearing an expensive looking suit on the other side of the gun definitely not Jongin.
Kyungsoo feels his heartbeat quicken at the sight of a semi-automatic handgun aimed straight at his chest, the owner smirking at him coldly.
“Nurse Do Kyungsoo, pleased to finally make your acquaintance. I’ve heard a lot about you.” The nurse tries not to move a muscle, even though he can feel his hands visibly shaking. The other man seems to notice, and his smirk grows wider, pleased at his reaction.
“Wh-where’s Jongin?” Kyungsoo finally braves, cursing himself for stuttering like a fool in such a dire situation.
The tall man raises his thick eyebrows, “Are you really concerned about him right now? You’re not curious as to where Kim Yerim is, or who the hell I am?” The nurse feels his blood turn to ice when the nine-year-old girl is mentioned, mind instantly anxious over the million terrible things that could have happened to her.
“Don’t worry, they’re both safe...For now. That’s actually what I came to talk to you about today.” The man sits down on the recently sanitized hospital bed, patting the space next to him expectantly. Seeing as the other was still holding the hand gun, Kyungsoo doesn’t really see any reason to disobey. He sits down next to the other gingerly, as far away as possible and avoiding eye contacting with the dangerous looking man with the piercing eyes.
“Maybe I should give you some context before I tell you what I want from you. I am Kris. That’s all you need to know about me. Jongin, as you know him, is definitely not who you think he is.” The man, Kris, wipes invisible dust front his expensive silk pant legs, pausing for effect. “He used to work for me, I run a…secret organization, of sorts. Five years ago, Jongin tried to leave it, and with the amount of valuable information he knows, I couldn’t have that. I believe that’s when you found him on the side of the street and patched him up?” Kyungsoo’s gasps and his eyes widen when he hears the information. Oh god, Jongin and Kris were mobsters? But even crazier than that - Jongin was the boy from the park that Kyungsoo had saved?! What were the chances, really? He couldn’t believe what he was hearing anymore. He wished he could wake up from this terrible nightmare soon.
“I guess Jongin hasn’t told you he knew. It made sense why he was trying to get closer to you.” The nurse finally looks the other in the eye, how does Kris know all of this information?
As if reading his mind, the man smirks again, “Oh we’ve been keeping tabs on you. Now to the matter at hand. The first time we tried to dispose of Jongin, it clearly didn’t work out so well. He’s good at disappearing and laying low, thanks to all the training we’ve given him, but after the fight he had with one of our men to land in this hospital, it wasn’t too difficult to track you both here.” Kris crosses his legs elegantly, tone nonchalant as if just speaking of the weather or the recent decreases in the stocks. The fact infuriated Kyungsoo somewhat, wanting the terrifying man to get on with his story so he could figure out what the hell he was supposed to do about the whole situation.
“So, Kim Jongin needs disposing of, and you, Do Kyungsoo, will be the one to do it.”
“You want me to dispose of him? As in kill him?! What the hell? No way!” Kyungsoo is shouting by this point, completely overwhelmed by everything that he’s heard in the last ten minutes. He stands up and tries to rush to the door, maybe to call for help, all he knew was that he had to get the hell out of there.
He makes it to the door when he freezes at the sound of a gun cocking, the click ringing loud even through the rush of blood in Kyungsoo’s ears.
“You see, I was afraid you might say that. Now why don’t you lock the door and come back here so we can talk about this.” Kyungsoo hesitantly does as he’s told, turning around to see Kris still calmly sitting on the bed, gun in hand again.
“Now, I would listen if you want to ensure the safety of Kim Yerim and Byun Baekhyun. You will carry this out, and if you fail to, I will not hesitate to end both of their lives. Understood?” Kyungsoo gulps at the thought of them being harmed because of him, panic settling in again when all he can do is nod numbly.
“Good, glad we got that out of the way. You will be needing this, I believe,” Kris casually hands him a 9 mm Luger, and Kyungsoo swallows thickly as he takes it. He’s shot guns before, back when he was in foster care and his foster brother had insisted he learn how, but he’d never thought he’d be using one for this.
“Why me?” The nurse finally gets the nerve to ask, wondering out of all the people in the world, why he was being forced to carry out this dangerous task. He’s just a regular nurse trying to help all the people he can. He hasn’t even decided if he can mentally go through this. The thought of hurting and ending another person’s life - it was just all too much to handle.
“He trusts you the most.” Kris states simply, “Now, here’s his address. You’ll go in, complete the task, and then my men will be waiting to move in for cleanup. Yerim will be delivered to you shortly after. Any more questions?” Kyungsoo looks down at the paper of the address he was handed, heart pounding at what he had to do. When he shakes his head, Kris immediately stands up and exist the room like the dark and menacing shadow he is, leaving Kyungsoo to his own anxious thoughts about what he was supposed to do.
[-]
Kyungsoo requests time off from work in the afternoon due to him feeling ill (which technically was not a complete lie). He knocks on the rundown motel door numbly, not even thinking about what he was doing anymore. He had changed out of his scrubs into regular clothes, not wanting to attract too much attention to himself whilst out on his mission. The rain had still not let up during the afternoon, and Kyungsoo is almost amused about how those ominous vibes he had this morning turned out to be correct. By the time Jongin answers the door, the nurse is already soaking wet in rainwater, shivering slightly.
“Kyungsoo? What are you doing here? How’d you know I was here?” Jongin inquires while pulling the other in a hug and ushering him inside to get him out of the rain.
“The h-hospital sent m-me to give you your m-meds,” Kyungsoo stutters through the chattering in his teeth, holding up a nondescript brown paper bag. He had come prepared to his motel room with an excuse, of course.
Jongin takes it with a soft thanks, his fingers lightly brushing the other’s, and Kyungsoo flinches at the feeling.
“Come on, I was just heating up some soup, if you want some to warm you up,” Jongin smiles sweetly at the nurse, and Kyungsoo can’t help but be reminded of his earlier conversation with Baekhyun, about his feelings for the other. Kyungsoo already knew he couldn’t go through with this - just seeing the other man sent warm tingles down his spine, and he could never hurt another person in that way.
They walk through the cheap motel to the kitchen, the elder trying not to grimace at the dreary furniture and the ugly coloured walls he sees.
While Jongin’s at the stove with his back to the other, Kyungsoo stood by the counter, looking down and contemplating how to tell Jongin the truth about why he was here today. He definitely knew he wasn’t going to carry out the terrible deed.
“So, Kyungsoo. Are you going to tell me why you showed up here with a gun in your waistband and a fake excuse about meds?” Kyungsoo freezes in his spot, looking at Jongin with barely concealed astonishment in his wide eyes. “I felt the gun when I hugged you, it wasn’t very sneaky of you, you know.” He’s trying to asses if Jongin looks angry, but his face remains completely impassive, not giving away a single thought inside of his head.
“…K-Kris…” Kyungsoo doesn’t even finish speaking before he breaks down, tears running down his face and small gasps leaves his choked up throat. The other is by his side instantly, gently pulling him into a hug with soothing hands rubbing up and down his back.
“He said he’d hurt Yerim and Baekhyun if I didn’t do it. But I knew before I even got here that I couldn’t do it. I’m so sorry, Jongin. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what else to do,” Kyungsoo is panting between sobs now, wetting the front of Jongin’s sweater where the younger has pushed his face into.
“Hey, hey, Kyungsoo. It’s okay, it’s not your fault, Everything will be fine, I’m making sure of it, okay?” Jongin starts swaying the other gently back and forth whilst they’re standing, not wanting to see those big brown eyes cry anymore.
“But what about Yerim and Baekhyun? What if I can’t help them? What if he hurts them? What if-” Kyungsoo is interrupted by Jongin abruptly pressing his lips against his own, successfully calming him down from the panic attack he was about to endure.
Jongin pulls away slightly and gazes into Kyungsoo’s eyes, “Do you trust me?” The older can feel his whisper on his lips, and finds himself automatically nodding, leaning up to kiss Jongin again, more deeply this time. They both savour the feeling, not realizing just how much they wanted and needed this until they finally had a taste of each other. Kyungsoo loops his arms around the other’s next, about to deepen the kiss, when suddenly, loud banging noises erupt from the rooms all around them. Kyungsoo instantly pushes himself away from the other in fear, hearing shouting and distinct gunshot noises from right outside the door.
Jongin just calmly holds onto his hand, maneuvering them to sit behind the counter, away from all of the walls, with Kyugsoo huddled into his side until the noises end about five minutes later.
“What was that?” Kyungsoo whispered when all was quiet, the terror still taking over his entire body.
“That, was my men taking down Kris’s, I believe.” Jongin answers with a proud smirk.
The older looks up at the other in wonder, not believing that this was all planned, “You knew they were going to be here?”
“Well, I had a hunch. I knew he would probably try something as soon as I left the hospital, I alerted my team immediately, and voilá Kris and his men are all behind bars. It’s pretty good to have lots of connections, right?” Jongin looked so satisfied with himself, that Kyungsoo couldn’t help but kiss the adorable smile adorning his face, proud of him to have been able to pull all of it off.
“And Yerim and Baekhyun?”
“Baekhyun is still at the hospital, unharmed, and one of my men, Sehun, who worked as a double agent for Kris, took Yerim to one of our safe houses. I told you everything would be okay, Kyungsoo.” Jongin leans in to rest his head on the other’s shoulder, the nurse in turn resting his head on Jongin’s.
And that’s how they sit for a while, waiting for the adrenaline of the afternoon’s events to die down. They should probably discuss the matters concerning Jongin’s shady past, or figure out where the two of them go from there, but they can’t bring themselves to at the moment. Instead, they watch the thick rain clouds dissipate as the sun emerges, casting it’s golden glow around both of them. Finally basking in each other’s warmth, safe at last.
Epilogue
“Come on you guys are so slow!” Yerim looks back at where she’s dragging Jongin and Kyungsoo by one hand each, the three of them on their way to the park. The snow is falling gently in soft curtains all around them, and it had been upon Yerim’s insistence that they go outside and play in it, though Kyungsoo had at first been strongly opposed to the idea.
They reach the park in record speed, probably due to the ten-year-old girl dragging them along for most of the way, and Kyungsoo fleetingly thinks that the girl sure could run fast now that her leg cast was gone.
Hand in hand in hand, the trio make their way through the frozen garden of flower beds that sparkle with frost in the weak winter sun.
The now Head Nurse watches as his boyfriend chases his (soon to be adopted) foster daughter around the grass. They throw snowballs at each other and giggle hysterically, and he can’t help but grin at the adorable sight while his heart feels like it will burst from the amount of love he feels for the two.
Kyungsoo is suddenly reminded of something that Yerim had told him only a few months ago, though it felt like it had been years.
“You have to find something to smile about, Mister Do, and then you can be happy.”
And Kyungsoo realizes that this- this is it; his perfect Jongin, his beautiful Yerim, his fulfilling work, these are the reasons he smiles everyday, now. Because they all make him so unbelievably, irrevocably, and undeniably happy that Kyungsoo never has a reason not to smile, ever again.
El Fin