#62: Echo of the Phoenix (part 1)
Part One: Feathers of Fire.
*
The night is cold, bitterly so, and so dark he can barely see the ocean so far below him, turned inky black with the night, as he leans against the railings of the huge passenger liner. The North Atlantic is calm, the air around him quiet, still. Eerily so, as if the whole world is holding it’s breath, waiting. Waiting…
Jongin was dreaming, he must be, because he had never been on a ship before; his whole life he’d been terrified of the ocean, but had no idea why.
There’s a sudden, unexpected shudder beneath him, the ship shaking so hard he has to grip the railing for support. Confused and a little worried, he heads back inside to try and find out what’s going on.
“The ship merely braked a little hard as we reduced speed, which is why you felt a shudder. I assure you, there’s nothing to worry about.”
Though the words are spoken calmly, he can sense the underlying uncertainty in the member of staff informing concerned passengers of what’s happened.
Jongin was tossing and turning, arms reaching around and fingers twisting into the sheets as though to embrace a lover, the visions playing across his unconscious mind hazy, unfocused and disjointed.
“Taemin! Taemin!” he yells as he runs at almost breakneck speed, into the arms of the man he’s searched what feels like the entire ship for, finding comfort in his familiarity, the scent of his skin, the blonde of his hair, shimmering like freshly spun gold under the lights on deck, “Thank God I found you.”
A kiss, deep and passionate, full of a feeling that words can never articulate, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” impossibly blue eyes full of relief, “This is bad, baby. I saw the iceberg.”
He can feel himself tremble in his lover’s hold, but from the biting cold or fear of the unknown, he doesn't know, “I know, I heard some of the crew talking.” he barely bites back a sob, “It’s sinking Taemin, the ship is sinking and there’s nothing they can do to stop it!”
A whimpered cry escaped Jongin’s lips, eyelids flickering as his dream - his nightmare - unfolded in a way he wished it wouldn't.
The grand ship is going down by the head at an alarming rate, the high-speed collision with the monster made of ice causing the hull plates to buckle inwards on her starboard side, opening five of her sixteen watertight compartments to the unforgiving sea.
Danger. It’s a feeling thick in his throat, threatening to choke him as he tries not to think of what will become of him and Taemin now.
“We’re getting off this ship baby, I promise.”
He nods in response to Taemin’s reassurances, but with crew only allowing women and children into the lifeboats that are already running out, he isn’t so sure.
“Taemin!” Jongin cried aloud in the grip of his nightmare, calling out a name, calling for a person he didn't know.
A sudden loss of power, and the lights go out, plunging the terrified passengers into total darkness as the ship cracks and splits in two, the bow submerging completely until the stern is standing almost vertically out of the ocean, a brave few clinging to the railings to stay on the ship as long as possible.
“Taemin-“
“We’re going to make it baby,” the blonde interrupts before he can voice how frightened he is, watching people lose their grip and fall screaming to their deaths hundreds of feet below, “Promise me you’ll keep kicking for the surface, no matter what happens, just keep kicking.”
He nods, breathing deeply, “I promise.”
All he can hear is the terror stricken screams of hundreds of passengers and the rush of the fast approaching ocean as the stern begins to flood and go under, taking them all with it.
So much horror, and only the diamond studded night sky to witness it, glittering high above the North Atlantic.
“I love you Taemin.” He shouts above the deafening roar of the sea and buckling iron.
Taemin looks at him, eyes ablaze with blue fire, “I love you too, but this isn’t the end, not for us.” Such faith and determination, “You keep hold of my hand, and kick for the surface.”
A nod, a deep breath, and then they’re under the water, kicking away from the majestic ship as it sinks towards its final resting place, the bottom of the ocean.
The water is freezing, his limbs numb and lungs burning with the desperate need for oxygen, he can barely move, but he has to keep kicking, keep swimming.
Jongin coughed, tossing and turning more violently now- the sheets a tangled mess around his body as he found his dreams shifting, changing, becoming ever more confusing.
Suddenly the glacial water beneath him is gone, and instead he’s standing on solid ground, staring up at a sky turned purple and pink with sundown, watching a bird the size of swan fly overhead.
But with wings of scarlet, violet and gold, he knows this is no swan, it’s a creature far more ancient, far more precious than that. This hauntingly beautiful ruler of the skies is a phoenix, and there are tears on his face as he watches the bird ignite, becoming a ball of flames in what seems like seconds.
There’s fire in the sky, reflecting off the tear stained dampness on his face, and all he feels is an overwhelming sense of loss, as a cry unlike anything he’s ever heard before rings out, echoing across the land and full of so much sadness it’s a physical ache inside his own chest…
Jongin jumped awake to the shrill sound of his alarm ringing off his beside table, panting and covered in cold sweat that made him shiver as it dried. He clutched at his chest to feel his heart pound wildly against his ribs, wondering what the hell that dream was all about and why it had left him shaken to the core for the third time that week.
“Taemin.” He mumbled aloud, remembering again the name of the almost ethereally beautiful man who had apparently been his lover.
Sadly, in the world outside his (sometimes messed up) dreams, - otherwise known as reality - there was no lover, hadn’t been for a long time. Jongin tried not to let it get him down, but it wasn't always easy, being twenty-three and living alone in the house left to him by his late mother, with only his pet macaw parrot, Scarlet.
As beautiful as she was - with plumage of vivid red, violet and green - his beloved bird just wasn't the same as having a serious, intimate relationship.
He found himself thinking back to the man in his dream, Taemin. That man had loved him, loved him with a fierceness that could be matched only by the love Jongin had felt for him in return. It had been a soul-deep bond, one that he could still feel now, shivering up his spine in a way that - had he not known any better - he could have sworn was real.
“Get a grip Jongin.” He cursed himself as he kicked the already rumpled sheets away more angrily than intended, dragging himself out of bed and towards the bathroom so that he could shower before work, “You don't even know a Taemin.”
Only sheer power of will drove all thoughts of the impossibly beautiful Taemin, a person he had never met (who probably wasn't even real) but who seemed so familiar to Jongin he could have seen him yesterday, and a phoenix being engulfed in flames to the farthest corner of his mind whilst he went through the motions of his morning routine; shower, dress, skip breakfast, feed Scarlet and do not forget car keys.
Kibum - his best friend since kindergarten and business partner who viewed tardiness as the eighth deadly sin - would murder him if he turned up late again.
What place did phoenixes have in his subconscious mind anyway? They belonged in the books full of myths and legends that Kibum’s husband, Jinki, loved to read, not inside his head screwing up the sleep he needed to function properly.
Locking up the front door and heading down the path to his car, Jongin walked right by the flash of red in the corner of his eye - figuring it was probably one of Scarlet’s feathers, caught in the grass after he’d been cleaning out her cage - but something made him turn back.
Like a hook through his belly pulling on his spine, urging him forwards, Jongin made the short journey across his front lawn, crouching to see what had caught his eye.
He gasped, because though it was indeed a feather, it most definitely wasn't one of Scarlet’s. This feather - around the size of that of an eagle or swan - was of the most vivid red he’d ever seen and, flecked with gold that glinted in the early morning sun, appeared to be made of fire itself.
So much so, that when he reached out to hold the feather, Jongin half expected it to burn.
With wings of scarlet, violet and gold…a phoenix.
“Get it the damned car Jongin.” He cursed himself for his own ridiculous thoughts, “You’ll be incarcerated if anybody finds out you’re thinking like this.”
And that you’re talking to yourself his subconscious piped up, just to irritate him further, though he took the feather with him as he went, stashing it safely in the thankfully rather spacious (and empty) glove compartment of his car.
Jongin drove to work in a daze, his mind occupied with thoughts of the icy depths of the North Atlantic Ocean, sapphire blue eyes and wings of blazing fire.
Maybe I really am going crazy.
“Jongin, you look terrible!” Kibum exclaimed the second he walked through the door of A Touch of Silk, the holistic therapy store he co-owed with Kibum, where he worked as a masseur, whilst his business partner was in charge of the shop floor, as well as the manicures and pedicures that seemed to always be in demand.
“Thanks Kibum.” Jongin mumbled as he dumped his stuff in the back room, “That makes me feel so much better.”
The blonde merely rolled his eyes, disappearing for a second before reappearing with coffee, and breakfast in the form of cream cheese bagels- his favourite ‘bad for you’ morning meal.
“Figured you’d have skipped breakfast, and I prepared the treatment room ready for your ten o’clock already, Mrs Choi’s back is playing up again, apparently.“ Kibum smiled when Jongin took the food gratefully.
“You’re a life saver, honestly.”
“I know.” His friend smirked, “So, are you going to tell me about what’s got you looking like a panda with those eye bags this morning.”
Jongin shrugged, trying to appear more nonchalant than he felt, “Just a weird dream.”
“The same as before?” Kibum frowned when Jongin nodded, “You’ve been having those same dreams a lot lately, Jongin.”
Kibum wasn't wrong; he’d been having that dream - or a least some variation of it - on and off for several months now, and he’d ignored it for the most part until now.
But with the appearance of that mysterious feather in his front garden, Jongin didn't know what to think.
“It’s probably stress, or something.” Jongin said, not wanting to worry his friend over something that was most likely nothing, “It’s my mum’s anniversary soon…you know how I get.”
Almost three years to the day since cancer stole his mother’s light and took her warmth away from him- forcing him into independence overnight and leaving him gasping for air because on some days, he felt as though he were drowning on dry land.
Kibum’s expression was one of sympathetic compassion, “Are you sure you’ll be okay on your own while I go pick up Jinki from the airport?”
Jinki was due back from a business trip to Beijing, and Kibum couldn't have hidden his excitement at his husband’s impending return if he’d tried, “Of course I will.” Jongin smiled, “Go, you don't want to be late, or he’ll think you’ve forgotten to pick him up again.”
“That was one time!” Kibum cried as he grabbed his stuff to leave, though he was laughing as he went, “I mixed up the flight times and turned up for the one after Jinki’s, he still teases me about it now.”
Jongin laughed, “As all good husband’s should, my friend.”
Kibum’s answering laugh and shout of see you in a couple of hours followed him all the way to the front door. Glancing down at his appointment book to see that he was pretty much fully booked, Jongin sighed, because for as much as he loved his job-
Today was going to be a long day.
*
April 14th, 2015- and Taemin found himself flying over a densely populated corner of the Earth for the first time in just over a century.
As the last immortal phoenix - the rest having been either destroyed by one another, by man with their bullets of solid iron or having simply chosen to die rather than be reborn - Taemin had spent the last one hundred years in almost complete isolation, distancing himself from the human souls that he once used to revel in being surrounded by.
The subsequent painful loneliness meant that, in time, the fire of humanity inside him had burned down to the feeblest of sparks, causing him to become cold and uncaring and - some might say - unfeeling.
He guessed it was true, at least in part, because over the last century, whenever he had been around the mortal humans, Taemin had found satisfaction, even enjoyment in using the gifts bestowed on him by immortality to control and manipulate those people drawn to him like a moth to a flame, sometimes for power or personal gain- but mostly just for entertainment.
Because eternity was such a long time, long enough that everything grew boring and tired after a while, and the human mind was such a fragile, easily broken thing, that he just hadn’t been able to help himself.
Taemin had spent the last two and a half years fighting to ignore his body’s overwhelmingly strong urge to begin his transformation into a human being, to being his one-year in every century as a man once again. But unlike before, this time the phoenix had almost no desire to be around mankind; the memory of the last time was still too raw, too vivid in his mind and his body. Even his soul was now merely half of what it had once been.
Loss was a visceral pain inside him, and the thought of having to spend another year as the human being that had suffered so much made him feel sick inside the eternal winter of the heart now made of stone and ice.
Trouble was, that just because Taemin didn't want to shift into his human form, didn't for a second mean that he wasn't going to; his body was already tingling, humming with the energies inside him that would be used to complete the change, and he knew that soon his whole being would start to vibrate violently - painfully - and force him into his alternate form.
Taemin was actually mildly surprised that the time had come again so quickly, because his choice of isolation had meant that time had had little meaning over the last hundred years; he had merely existed mostly out of necessity.
Though he hadn’t spent much time around humanity in decades, Taemin had kept an eye of the race of man, curious to see how the species would evolve over time, whether they would advance into even higher intelligence, or return to the primitive, simple minded creatures they had been an age ago.
Taemin had to admit; he was impressed by just how far mankind had come. In comparison to the last time that the phoenix had walked the Earth as a man, the cities were so much bigger, the buildings higher, much more densely populated and definitely busier than before.
Flying over the region in eastern Asia that formed the peninsula between the East Sea and the Yellow Sea - otherwise known as Korea - across the demilitarized zone between the borders of the North and the South, entering Seoul territory - the capital city of South Korea on the Han River - Taemin wasn't really surprised by the sudden burning in his limbs as his body began to tremble, and then vibrate, the sensation becoming more and more violent until his entire form was shaking from the force.
He needed to find a safe place to land - and quickly - before he fell out of the sky in a ball of fire. Impressive wingspan of scarlet and gold spread wide, Taemin circled the city a few times, scoping the area for a secluded spot to complete his change, before settling on a mostly deserted place that looked to be a spacious park, of sorts.
Swooping in low, Taemin landed in graceful silence, barely even rustling the leaves of the bushes he settled behind. Grounded and secure (for the time being at least) the phoenix could fight the need to change forms no longer- the sheer pain enough to have his vision blurring - and finally let his body ignite, engulfing him in a blazing inferno in seconds. His feathers quickly disintegrated into ashes, and his bones began to elongate and change shape.
Consumed by the agony of it, Taemin threw his head back and screeched loud and long, the shrill cry dissolving into a very human scream of pain as he dropped to his knees, panting through the exertion of his shift.
He was exhausted, but human once again.
“I can’t believe it, after months of accusing me of cheating, I find out HE was the one cheating all along. The lying bastard!”
“I’m not due my paycheck for another two weeks and I’m already a month behind on rent. What the hell am I going to do?”
“I can’t believe she said yes, after all this time, we’re finally getting married!”
“I hope Jinki doesn't really think I’ve forgotten to pick him up again, he worries too much sometimes.”
Weakened by his transformation, Taemin found himself vulnerable for the first time in a century. Vulnerable, and victimized by his own ability to read minds that he couldn't switch off and was too weak to tune out. There were so many more voices now, so many minds touching his without even knowing that that’s what they were doing; and for the first time, it was torture.
The boom of the human population had Taemin’s head threatening to explode, the noise of so many people’s thoughts a cacophony he couldn't drown out.
Struggling to his feet - he needed to find somewhere sheltered, somewhere quiet - Taemin stumbled out of the park, drawing attention from seemingly everywhere, due to the bare form his change had left him in; he hadn’t needed clothes in one hundred years.
Once out on the main street, Taemin found his attention - though hazy and cracking under the pressure of having so many voices inside his head at once - immediately drawn to a strikingly handsome young man coming out of a small store, with skin the shade of warm melted caramel and eyes of amber mixed with honey; those eyes, they seemed so…
“Are you okay sir? I saw you from inside and-“
The young man was speaking to him, but then Taemin was swaying, staggering, head splitting and heart pounding- and then everything was black.
Blissfully, peacefully, silently black…
part 2