Semi-Bad day rant-
Ok. I'm calling this a semi bad day since, frankly, I know thousands around the globe have had an incredibly suckier day than mine.
Still.
This day oficially, utterly, inexorably sucked popsicles BIG TIME.
Such trivial things, to be honest; and yet I can't help agonizing over them. It would probably make me angry at myself if I wasn't sad already.
Ok, tbh I should have been expecting that just-barely-there B. I guess this as good a reminder as any to not get too cocky of my slightly-above-average skills in English. This reminds me that I still have to work on it like everyone else if I want to get a good grade, and half whipped attempts are not going to get me anywhere.
Still. I know I felt crushed when I got it, but now it subsided thankfully ^^. The real problem is that andra probably thinks I'm obsessed with this xD . I mean, I can obviously get from where she is coming from: the first thing I did after class was to take a look a L's essay. But, although it was bad timing, I had always been really eager to read something of L's, or A's - or anyone else's for that matter xD . I dunno, one of the reasons I like to read is because honestly, it gives you some amazing insights into the person's mind. To know what kinda thing their mind can conjure up is so.. fascinating! ^.^ but since I have the feeling that since that after that discussion A might be still have some sort of sceptical suspicion about my " secret competitiveness" I just let it be with her essay.
I have worries because I think she must think I'm jealous. I even wish I were! seriously, anger is soo much easier to deal with than sadness xd but honestly, I am just ... not. I mean, i'm extremly sad and dissapointed with myself, make no mistake. But I somehow just can't seem to conjure up those feelings of anger and bitterness and unfairness that comes with jealously. Honestly, A deserved that grade, and I can't bedgrudge her something she deserves for her hard work. Maybe is she hadn't worked for her grade or it had been her fault I got a B I would be mad, but it isn't; so... I dunno. O_O; I mean, they are pretty mutually exclusive events; My grades depend on me, so it's me who is pretty much to blame. I hope she somehow realizes this, because I know that if I ever try to explain this to her it will sound feeble and dig me into such a deep hole I would probably end up in China. Or something.
My geography skills suck another popsicle, I know.
Ok, so apart from that, there's the fact that N and M were talking about my face as if I weren't there. Yes people, I am aware my face is riddled with a wince-inducing amount of spots and scars. So aware, in fact, I hate to look in reflective surfaces and I hate to go out becaus of it. So aware that it takes up most of my mind and takes down the meagre self confidence I have by 98 units out of a 100. ok? Ok. Thanks for taking my feelings into account. I know they don't mean anything mean by it, and they want to truly help me. But y'know, telling me that had I done this/that my face wouldn't be so ugly doesn't. frickin'. help.
Let's ignore all academic-related because that's just... ugh.
And I made a total fool of myself. De nouveau. Je sais. Quelle surprise.
You see, I give S a sip of my coke everyday when I come at the end of lunch, or just let her keep whatever's left in case I'm too full to chug it down. Well, today she wasn't looking too well. She was the definition of " fatigued". And it happened the other day as well. I know I have absolutely no business worrying about her, but anyways... point is, I decided to run to the store to buy her a whole can of coke. I thought maybe it would give her some energy or something like that ^^; then, when I gave it to her, it took her a few moments to realise it wasn't opened. By that time I was already across the table.
" Hey, this isn't opened" she said, bemused.
"Yeah, I know" I shrugged. Or something to that effect.
" ... You don't want it?"
I smiled " No no, you can keep it"
" So why did you buy it if You didn't want it?"
Oh, damn. Because it was just at that choice moment that I realized what a GAY reason mine was. Seriously, people in RGS thought I was a lesbian because I hugged people too much. If I told S something like " yeah I don't know you, but I worry randomly about people so I wanted to give you the coke!" it would have probably made people to start staying clear of me by a five foot radius *Big Sigh* so I just replied some nonsensical thing or other, and now everybody at the table probably thinks me more than odd.
Then I came home and had ANOTHER argument with D about the goddamn M. I'm just leaving it at that. I wouldn't mind if I knew he didn't have enough, but el gasta mas de esa cantidad en mi hermano todos los estupidos meses, asi que que se supone que le costaria - ok, not following that train of thought in case it crashes.
Well, tbh I'm leaving because if I continue delving too deeply into this bad day It's just gonna get worse. I brooded enough, I guess. I'm off to listen to " Bad day". Yes I know- original and ironic.
Laerrrr.