Pagan: Lloyd: Talking to Anna
Posted, with others, in return for the posting of a poem by Elizabeth Barrette.
The situation with Anna had changed the way Lloyd viewed their parents. Even after he left for university he still believed that they understood life in a way that he didn’t, because they were older. He thought that they would be able to cope with a daughter who was suffering, and some days she really did suffer, from amnesia, but instead they had fallen apart. It was disappointing. She needed them to be the people he’d believed they were, rather than the people they had turned out to be. With one arm wrapped around Anna’s shoulders he looked up at the picture that was still on the lounge wall, from when Charlotte had still existed and he’d lived in a fantasy land.
“Move out,” Lloyd said, knowing that was really the only choice Anna had if she wanted a chance to live her life.
“I can’t afford to move out.” Anna wiped some of the tears off her cheeks and sighed. “I wish I could walk away from this mess, but it’s not going to be any time soon.”
“How about we get a place together?”
Anna looked at him, an expression he knew too well on her face. “Lloyd…”
“I know what you’re going to say and you wouldn’t be a burden.” He smiled at her. “It would be better for me If you were there. I haven’t lived alone before and I don’t want to when I know a girl who needs a place she can call home.”
Biting her lip, which reminded Lloyd of Charlotte, Anna glanced up at the picture. She’d never said anything about it, but he knew that seeing it every day was affecting her. Charlotte was gone, possibly permanently, but Anna existed and had feelings that were hurt every day by their parents’ lack of acceptance. After wiping away more tears she nodded.
“If you’re happy to live with me then I think it would be for the best if I moved out.” She ran a hand through her hair, still biting her lip. “Do you think I ever will be her again?”
Lloyd tightened his arm around her. “I don’t know.” He looked at the picture again. “Honestly, I’m not bothered either way. Charlotte was my sister and I loved her, but you’re my sister now too. No matter what happens I’m going to lose one of you and…” He sighed. “I think it might be easier for me if you stayed Anna for the rest of our lives, because I’ve already grieved for Charlotte.”
“They wouldn’t agree.”
“They haven’t taken the time to get to know you.”
“Do you ever wonder if she did die in the accident and I just stole her body?”
“It’s possible, but it’s something we may never know.”
“Until I become Charlotte I’m not going to be a part of this family.” Anna wiped more tears off her cheeks. “I’m not sure I want to be a part of this family when I know that they haven’t even tried to get to know me, but have spent the last eleven months trying to turn me into the person they want me to be.”
“I hope you don’t mind being my sister.”
“That’s different.” Anna smiled. “You’ve been wonderful and I’m happy to call you my brother, even if we aren’t actually related any longer. I don’t know how I would have coped if I didn’t have you.”
“You have friends who would have helped.”
“I’m glad I have them, but I think life would have been very different if I didn’t have you here to look after me when I fall apart.”
“Looking after you is all part of being a big brother.”
She shook her head. “I’m not sure, under the circumstances, that anyone else would have reacted the same way you did. From the moment I met you I knew that I was lucky to have someone like you in my life, because you were okay with me not being okay.”
“No matter what that car crash would have changed our lives in some way and I’m just glad that you’re still alive, even if you are someone else in my sister’s body. Maybe they don’t feel the same way.” His parents stared back at him from the picture. “I don’t think I could ever accept the answer they gave me, because all I can see if two selfish people who can’t put their own pain to one side for five minutes in order to help you.”
“They are Charlotte’s parents and I can understand why they’re finding it so difficult to cope with losing their daughter. Having her replaced by someone else must make it a hundred times harder.” She shook her head. “I just wish they’d take some time to talk to me instead of trying to tug her out of my head all the time. I don’t even know if she’s still in there.”
“I lost my sister at the same time and I’m not acting like that.”
“You’re different.” He could feel her look at him. “I don’t know exactly why, but you’re the sort of magic person who has the ability to deal with whatever life throws at you. Including sisters who aren’t sisters.”
Lloyd’s eyes met Anna’s. “You are my sister. Maybe you aren’t Charlotte, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you and it’s taken time to get me to that point. If they’d put some effort in to talking to you then I think they’d love you too.”
“I don’t know if any mother could accept someone else in the place of her daughter.”
“People adopt children all the time.”
“Adopting is different, Lloyd. It’s making a choice to allow that child into your heart and your life. They never really had a choice.”
“I think they did have a choice and they made it. They chose to cling onto Charlotte instead of letting her go and accepting you as a part of the family. Maybe your memories will come back one day, but that doesn’t automatically mean that Charlotte will be the same person she was before the accident. You’ll have to become some sort of hybrid of the two.”
Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.