[fIC] Cruel Intentions - Revelation Chapter 14
Title: Revelation Chapter 14
Rating: PG
Warning: Complete angst
Characters: Mikhail, Fei Long, Yoh
Spoiler: Huge spoiler for everything in NT.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to YA sensei.
Notes: Thank you angel0399 for the great beta job and I’m sorry for having burdened you with two lengthy fics at a time.
The door flung open, revealing the well-decorated public restroom that was virtually empty. Mikhail stepped in and headed straight for the sink, flipping the faucet handle all the way up with just the tip of his finger. He didn't like to touch something so publicly used and the idea of having to share something personal had always made him uncomfortable. Fortunately, his position had made it possible for him to avoid these circumstances...until now.
Deep, blue eyes stared blankly at the running faucet before he reached out to feel the cold water that he wished was cold enough to numb his fingers. That way, even for a moment, he could forget the touch of Fei Long's skin that still lingered. He rubbed his hands together and watched as the stream washed away the sweet and intoxicating scent that possessed him like an unbreakable spell. Fei Long was a drug, a deadly one that he didn't know how to bring himself to quit, even when he wanted to. But sooner or later, and somehow, he would have to teach himself to live without the constant need to taste the poison that was consuming him both physically and mentally. But for now, there was something he must do before placing himself out of the picture.
"You can come out. I’m not going to kill you,” Mikhail said without turning around as he turned off the faucet.
"You knew I was here," a broken voice sounded from the corner after a brief moment of silence. His quiet, yet firm, footsteps approached the man by the sink slowly.
Mikhail glanced in the mirror at the reflection of a man he almost didn't recognize, and casually shifted his glance to the fresh towel tray that was neatly laid out for the guests by the sink, taking no interest in the gun that was pointing directly at him. "Of course," Mikhail replied as he picked up a towel and dried his hands. "There’re security cameras all over the place. Who do you think paved the way so you could be here unnoticed?"
Tossing the towel in the nearby basket, the Russian turned around to face the man who was once Fei Long's most trusted bodyguard and raised a brow as he saw the heavily bruised and battered body. "I must say, that's quite a job they did on you. I'm surprised you can still walk," Mikhail said, smiling to himself at the fire in those eyes that previously seemed so dull and emotionally lacking. Only Fei Long could change a man this much. "You can put the gun away. I'm not here to kill you."
Yoh paused for a moment to assess the situation before he lowered his gun and rested on the floor, leaning against the wall for support. The Russian seemed unarmed and had the man wanted him dead, Yoh was sure he wouldn't bother doing the job himself. "What do you want?"
Mikhail smiled. "The question is, what do you want?"
"I don't have time to play your games." He was no longer Fei Long's subordinate and there was no longer a need for him to be polite to a spoiled, Russian brat.
"Unfortunately, everything is a game," Mikhail snickered. "And as long as I control this game, you will play or you can get off the ship. My men will accommodate you, dead or alive is your choice." He must admit it was rather refreshing to see some attitude from the boring bodyguard that had been such a big contrast to Fei Long. "You are here because you're too useful as a pawn to be wasted. At least, Fei Long seems to think so." From the information he gathered through his spies and from what he'd seen, Baishe's security system, especially the prisoners' holding cells, was too well organized to escape from without help. And considering the obsession Fei Long's men had towards their master, there was only one man in Baishe who would help a traitor.
"And what makes you think you can utilize my usefulness?" Yoh asked in a mocking tone. If the Russian brat though he would let himself be used, the man had to be out of his mind. "I'll never work for you."
"You seem quite sure for a man who doesn't know who he works for," Mikhail sneered at the remark.
"I work for Asami Ryuichi," Yoh replied without hesitation, his eyes flashed a glare at the accusing Russian.
"You're not quite done convincing yourself of that fact, are you?"
"I'm here to fulfill my job, not for Fei Long or to play your stupid games." He knew exactly what he was doing and what he must accomplish. But even so, for some reasons, Arbatov's words stabbed him like a knife in the heart.
"So you have been deceiving Fei Long for nearly a decade."
"I've been doing my job." Deceiving Fei Long was his job description. It was a task he agreed to do, even before he'd met the Baishe leader⎯ he held no shame in doing so.
"Tell me," Mikhail said smilingly, amused at how far the man would go to keep his honor, even to the point of disregarding himself completely. "How does it feel to betray someone you would willingly die for?"
"I would die for Asami-sama just the same."
"Oh, but you wouldn't," Mikhail countered with absolute confidence. "I've seen the way you look at him. You can deny it to your grave but I know my rival when I see one."
Who the Russian was referring to needed no explanation, and Yoh tried to defend himself from such an accusation. However, his parted lips couldn’t speak the words; the explanation housed in his throat seemed like a lie. Deep down, he knew as much as the Russian did⎯ those words were utterly true.
"Let me make it easy for you," Mikhail said, reaching into his pocket for the black aluminum cigarette case that was recently opened and picked up a roll. "When all this is over, and your so-called boss gets his toy back, I'll pay you to do the job you would have done without getting paid. Say, in exchange for me letting you come on board this ship alive and letting you stay alive."
Deep, brown eyes looked straight at the other man, openly questioning the motive behind the proposal. While it was true that he would be willing to do anything for Fei Long without being paid or assigned to, not to mention that his true boss already gave him the choice, how doing so would benefit Mikhail Arbatov was beyond his comprehension. "I was under the impression that you’d want me to be as far away from Fei Long as possible."
"Correction. I would rather kill you than to see you within a ten-mile radius near Fei Long," Mikhail quickly chimed in. For the first time in his life, he was forced to do something that deeply irritated him. "But things have changed. And should you take this offer. I'll have you know that unlike your previous bosses, you either do this wholeheartedly, or I will kill you."
"You want me to protect him." Yoh confirmed. "Why me?"
"Ironically, you're the only one I can trust." No matter how much he despised that this man may have known Fei Long more than he did, and at the same time shared the same interest in the dragon, it was precisely for these reasons that there was no one else more capable or suitable for the job.
At that moment, something suddenly flashed in Yoh's mind. There was only one reason why Mikhail Arbatov would want someone else to protect the dragon of Baishe. "You're leaving him."
"I only sweat for something profitable," said the Russian, shifting his gaze to the floor in front of him. "Unfortunately, someone has reaped all the profit before I could get my hands on it." What he wanted from Fei Long has been taken. Time after time the man had tried to tell him of this fact, but his persistent nature had always prevented him from taking it to heart until now.
"So you're just going to leave it all behind and forget everything?" What Mikhail said, even he could not imagine. He knew what this man had been through. He was there with Fei Long to witness it from the beginning. It was his job to know.
Forget. Mikhail smiled to himself at the remark and held up the jet black cigarette he had yet to light for the other man to see. "Do you know what this is?" he asked and continued without waiting for an answer. "It's the finest and most expensive cigarette in the world." Mikhail took a short moment of silence, lighting the joint as he placed it between his lips and inhaled the intense yet delicate smoke with a long, deep breath. "The truth is, once you've tasted the best the world has to offer, you don't forget. And because it's irreplaceable; nothing else will quench your thirst ever again. In a way, it never leaves you."
He turned around and removed the cigarette from his lips to place it carefully near the sink, drawing the other man's gaze to the barely smoked roll of Treasurer Black. "Here's your chance to decide. You can live your whole life without ever having a taste of the one thing you want the most in exchange for what you believe in, or you can die reaching out for what you desire, even though you know it will ruin you for life. What will it be?"
Yoh listened in silence, thinking about how ironic it was⎯ the man he could never identify with may have turned out to be the only person who understood all too clearly the feeling he tried so hard to hide. As it turned out, the Russian knew exactly where and how to strike.
"I have a meeting with your two bosses in a few minutes. If everything goes as planned, the boy will return home unharmed and your job will have been accomplished. As for my offer, you think about it and let me know," Mikhail said before he left the room.
Ruin you for life. Yoh smiled to himself at those words. The truth being, he wasn't sure his life hadn't already been ruined by the dragon.
----------
An hour had passed and everything was still quiet. Yoh sat with his back against the bathroom’s door, making sure he would hear the sounds of Fei Long’s and Asami’s men passing through the hallway at the time of the exchange. The meeting was taking longer than he’d anticipated. But then again, no one knew what Mikhail Arbatov’s demands were, or whether Asami would be willing or able to comply. To the outsiders’ eyes, the Russian could benefit a lot from having the casino deed, which in turn would give them the power over Baishe. But knowing Mikhail Arbatov, and Yoh was sure his judgment was sane, everything the man had done had been personal, not business. And because it was personal, there was no telling what would go down on that ship.
Feeling exhausted to the point of collapsing, Yoh closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to gain the strength he needed. For almost three days he’d been on the run without getting any sleep, while his whole body ached like it was going to fall apart any minute. He was sure a few of his ribs were broken. Fei Long’s men had gone further than the usual interrogation procedures, where every strike was an act of pure resentment and rage. It was understandable when everyone at Baishe would have killed to be in his position, not just for the pay or the honor, but for the reason that Fei Long’s men worshipped their master like a god. Any insult to Fei Long was taken by heart, and the consequences carried out with the greatest devotion. But it was precisely for this fact that some of these men had crossed the line in doing something for Fei Long, including going to Mikhail Arbatov for help and interfering with the exchange⎯ an action that brought about the chaos on that ship. But how could he blame any of them when he, too, had done precisely the same. He could have snuck the boy out to Asami-sama anytime, but he’d allowed his emotion to interfere and hesitated. For the moment he rescued the boy would mean the end of his days as Fei Long’s right hand man⎯ a consequence he wasn’t prepared to suffer. His hesitation had led to Asami-sama’s decision to attack Baishe, leaving him no choice but to steal the deed and initiated the exchange. Yes, he was no doubt one of them⎯ a foolish man possessed by something he knew was too far beyond his reach.
The sound of gunshots startled him from his rest. Someone, no, two footsteps were running his way. Yoh pushed the door opened just enough for him to see the commotion outside and immediately picked up his gun as he saw Takaba Akihito running down the hallway, chased and being shot at by Yuri. Either Mikhail had lied to him or something had gone seriously wrong.
Getting up as fast as his heavily injured body permitted him to, Yoh stepped outside and ran after the Russian as the chase continued up the stairs to the deck. He took a shot at the man and cursed his weakened state as the bullet barely hit the Russian on the shoulder, allowing him to continue with the chase.
“Stop!” he yelled, raising his gun at Yuri, hoping that it would give the boy enough time to escape. But suddenly he felt dizzy and lost his balance. Despite all his efforts to get back up on his feet, everything went dark for moment, making it impossible for him to be sure whether the commotion up on the deck, followed by a few more gun shots, and the sound of his boss calling the boy’s name, had been real or just his imagination.
The next thing he knew, he was on the stairs, dragging himself up onto the deck when everything had gone quiet. Yoh paused for a moment at the sight of long, black hair dancing in the wind against the backdrop of a pitch black sea and a dark sky without a single star in sight. In the dragon’s arms was a familiar black folder, one he knew better than anyone what it contained. Fei Long has gotten the deed back, and it seemed the boy had been taken home.
A heavy sigh escaped Yoh’s lips as he felt a heavy weight lifted from his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was for, whether it was the fact that his job was finished, or that Fei Long was standing there with the deed, safe and unharmed. Up to that point, nothing seemed to matter. Here, on this deck was where everything was going to end. For nearly a decade he had stood by this man as he’d been instructed to do, and to Fei Long he had been the most trusted bodyguard. But what he’d carried out to perfection wasn’t the job designated to him by his true boss, nor was it the trust he’d gained from Fei Long while he was a spy. It was the cage in which he’d confined himself that still remained unbroken and unscratched⎯ a cage that was filled with every smile he wished he could show in Fei Long’s presence, every word that was left unsaid and unanswered, and every pain in his heart Fei Long had inflicted every time those amethyst eyes looked past his existence. For seven years, he’d lived with feelings that didn’t have a place in his life but never faded, things he didn’t have the right to say that never seem to be forgotten, and a man he knew existed but wasn’t allowed to be. What he’d hoped for wasn’t to have his feelings returned or to be acknowledged, but for once, and only once, he wanted Fei Long to see him, not as a trusted bodyguard, not as a spy, but as a man who had always been there but never present, every step of the way. And he was ready to die for it, if that was the cost.
He took a step forward and stood quietly behind the tall, elegant figure he knew by heart, inhaling the sweet scent he’d been intoxicated with everyday for the past seven years. This could be the last time he would ever drown himself in this drug, the last time he would see the flawless skin he was forbidden to touch, and the last time he would see those eyes that never looked upon him.
Turn around, Fei Long. Turn around and see me.
“…Yoh…Why are you here? How did you…?” Fei Long asked. He didn’t expect the man to be on the ship but most of all, that Yoh would show himself in his presence after all that had happened.
“I had some unfinished business.”
Unfinished business, Fei Long thought to himself. It seemed that everyone did. And to him, he wondered if his unfinished business would ever come to an end. Now that Asami has sailed off with Akihito, in his heart there were still too many questions left unanswered.
“I’m surprised you’re still alive. Why didn’t you escape?” Fei Long asked. He’d thought the man would have left with Asami, if not disappeared completely. There was no longer a place for him at Baishe, and the moment he’d learned of the betrayal, he’d said his goodbye to this man who had been both a trusted subordinate… and a friend. “Did you think I would forgive you?”
“I didn’t come here to ask for forgiveness. I just can’t die without fulfilling that promise.” He had no more reasons to lie. He was there for the boy, to finish his job, not for forgiveness, not for Fei Long.
A promise made to Asami, Fei Long thought as a bitter smile appeared on his face. Everything in his life seemed to have revolved around that man. Everything Yoh had ever done had been because of Asami. Everything he’d ever believed to be true had turned out to be a lie. One day, even Tao will grow up and no longer find him necessary. And now that he’d just given up the one man who’d ever loved him for the past he could not let go, he knew from this day forward that his life would be lived just as it had always been, just as he was born to be⎯ alone.
When you’re done, you can come home…, Alexei once said. Home⎯ a word that had always sounded distant and unfamiliar. Perhaps he would never learn what it meant in this lifetime.
“Then what do you intend to do?” Fei Long asked. At this point, the truth was he’d lost the ability to care.
But to his surprise, Yoh turned over the gun in his hand and offered it to him.
“If I am to die, I’d rather die by your hand,” he said, looking straight into Fei Long’s eyes with nothing but clear determination. He had no place in Fei Long’s life. And if killing him would be able to undo some of the pain in Fei Long’s heart, some of which he’d caused, then his life would have been worth living.
“Honestly, you and everyone else,” Fei Long said, snatching away the gun and pointing the barrel at the man he once trusted with his life, who now stood in front of him unwavering by the possibility of death. “Is this your way of putting an end to things?”
“…This is the only way for one whose heart was stolen by you,” Yoh said, looking straight into Fei Long’s eyes that seemed to have lost the ability to trust. Stolen. There was no other word more appropriate. Fei Long was never a possibility for him to give his heart to, nor would he ever allow himself to fall for a man he was forbidden to get involved with emotionally. Indeed, his heart had been stolen, somehow, somewhere along the way when he pretended to stand by this man’s side.
“Am I supposed to say that’s very noble of you?” Fei Long asked. Just looking at the man made him sick to his stomach. Was this how Asami felt when he confessed his feelings? Indifference? Possibly a little pity? Perhaps this was what he was to Asami, someone he didn’t want to see dead, but not the person he’d ever considered as a lover. Perhaps his heart also had been stolen by Asami, and the only way to end it was just as Yoh suggested, death.
But if there was one thing Akihito had taught him, it was that everything needn’t end the only way he’d been brought up to believe it should, with violence⎯ that there was always another way out. He still had a chance of resolving the problem that had been eating away his heart with Asami. And with Yoh, nothing would change, whether or not he pulled the trigger.
“Right now even that gets on my nerves,” Fei Long said, lowering the gun in his hand as he looked away. “A person’s heart is so difficult to understand. What changes just because you confess your feelings to someone, if in the end, they won’t become yours?” A confession seemed nothing more than an act of selfishness, and love seemed insignificant and useless without being returned. Everything that Mikhail had done for him couldn’t erase Asami from his heart. Just as those golden eyes would never look at him the way they looked at Takaba Akihito.
“Does it matter?”
Fei Long paused at the question he wasn’t expecting to hear. He had been taught to succeed in everything he initiated and never pursue anything without being certain of the outcome. To him, it mattered.
“Someone once told me, that you can live your whole life without ever having a taste of the one thing you want the most in exchange for what you believe in, or you can die reaching out for what you desire, even though you know it will ruin you for life,” Yoh said, smiling to himself at those words. “I figured it was worth dying for.”
Fei Long paused for a moment, knowing in his heart who Yoh was referring to. There was only one man he knew who lived his life strictly by that rule. “I didn’t know you talk to each other.”
Yoh smiled. “Extraordinary things happen everyday.”
***
The dark sky flashed in the distance, lighting up the rainclouds that gathered in the horizon. Leaning against the railing on the sky deck by the swimming pool, Mikhail closed his eyes and listened to the howling wind that sounded like a call from an angel of death, the rumbling of the sky matched all too well with the feeling in his heart.
He opened his eyes again at the sound of someone approaching him from behind. He knew exactly who it was. Familiar footsteps, coupled with the scent he had come to know by heart, allowed him to identify the man without having to turn around.
Fei Long paused for a few seconds behind the tall, masculine body he could almost draw without looking. Only most of the time he would see it from the front, together with a playful smile and a pair of blue eyes that lit up whenever they looked at him. But that night all he saw was Mikhail’s back, and even though he knew the man could sense his presence, Mikhail didn’t turn around to greet him.
“Can I have one?” Fei Long asked as he took a step forward and stood by the other man’s side, gesturing at the black and gold cigarette Mikhail had between his lips.
Just two days ago, the same gesture would have prompted Mikhail to offer him his own cigarette. But now, without a word spoken, a large, strong hand reached for the black aluminum case in the leather jacket and handed it to him instead. Fei Long paused at the unexpected reaction before taking the cold case. He picked out a roll and placed it between his lips.
“May I?” Fei Long asked, leaning forward in a gesture for his cigarette to be lit.
Mikhail raised his hand up to block out the wind and bent over to light the cigarette in Fei Long’s mouth with his own before turning away again. Still, he didn’t utter a word.
“They told me you want to use the helipad at nine. I assume you’re flying out tonight?” Fei Long asked after taking a few long puffs on the cigarette. He didn’t think Mikhail would be leaving so soon, and not without saying a word to him about it directly.
“So?” Mikhail said with irritation in his tone, indicating that he wasn’t in the mood to answer questions.
“It’s not safe to fly in this weather,” Fei Long said, holding his breath in between each word at the answer that was both cold and distant. “Can’t you wait until morning?”
A scornful smile suddenly appeared on the Russian’s face, one that was a mixture of disdain and bitterness, perhaps even a little self-pity. It was the first time ever since they’d been together that Mikhail had given him a look of pure resentment, as if what he said had been words of insult.
“It’s about time you stop pretending you give a damn,” he said with a sneer. “You and I both know that the only reason you want me to stay is because you’ve just been dumped, and you want someone to be here for you.” He knew he was being cruel and unfair, but without constantly telling himself this, he would find it impossible to leave.
Taken aback by the words that stabbed him right in the chest, Fei Long found himself unable to respond with the usual ferocity he would have lashed back at anyone who dared speak to him in such a way. After all, Mikhail’s words were true. He knew they were, deep down in his heart. It had always been his selfishness along with Mikhail’s persistent nature that led them to that point where they could no longer look at each other’s face without feeling some kind of pain and regret. He couldn’t help asking himself how long it had been since the last time they were simply happy in each other’s presence, without worrying about tomorrow, and without secretly counting down to the day a moment like this would finally come. And yet now that Mikhail has positioned himself out of his reach, even though the man was still standing just an arm’s length away, he still found himself surprised and unprepared.
“Even if that were also true, is it so hard to believe that, after all this time, I actually do care for you?” Fei Long asked, tracing his eyes on the outline of Mikhail’s face, at those lips that now refused to speak to him with kind words, and those eyes that would see anything but him.
“The truth is, Fei Long, I don’t want to know,” Mikhail replied before drawing another long, deep breath through the cigarette while his eyes continued to stare into the darkness in front of him.
Fei Long closed his eyes for a few seconds to allow the reality to sink in. Everything he’d ever said up to that point must have seemed like a lie. But the worst thing about it was that he’d allowed Mikhail to take these lies and turn them into promises he could not fulfill. Their relationship had been based on something that wasn’t really there, something he’d created unknowingly to keep this man in his life.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Fei Long said sincerely. All his life he’d done many unimaginable things, some of which he’d regretted, and some he felt had been deserving. But to this man who had risked everything for this relationship while he himself risked nothing, he owed an apology, and a heart he didn’t have to give.
“Then do me a favor,” Mikhail said, raising his gaze up to the dark clouds ahead as he tapped the ash away from the cigarette. “I’m going back to Moscow after this. My father will stop bothering you and cease all supports to Toh. But keep an eye out for him and your brother, who will strike at you any chance they get. If you need anything, call Alexei. He’ll be glad to help you in any way he can.”
“…And you?” Fei Long found himself suffocating at his own question, knowing too well that the answer would rip through him like an electric current.
Mikhail paused for a few seconds to smoke his cigarette, and finally turned to look him in the eyes, as if to make sure the message would be clearly understood and taken to heart.
“Starting from the moment I leave this ship, I don’t want to see you or hear from you again.”
The sky flashed once, followed by a deafening thunder that somehow felt like a whip being casted upon him in punishment. Mikhail could have taken a knife and carve those words on his flesh and it would hurt less. A favor, he said, more like a gift at the cost of a deep and ever painful scar. Just as Asami had given him one, now Mikhail wanted to leave his mark.
Fei Long turned his gaze away slowly to the pitched black water crashing onto the side of the ship and smiled to himself underneath a curtain of long black hair that covered most of his face, making it hard to see his expression.
“I had hoped that we could remain friends,” Fei Long said, his voice trembled but not as much as the cigarette he held in his hand.
It was what Mikhail needed to get out of this relationship. He knew this, and still his selfishness had wished it would turn out differently. It would have been easy to have things go the way he wanted them to. He only had to reach out and hold Mikhail in his embrace and kiss him the way they’d always kissed for Mikhail to change his mind and go through every pain all over again. But this time, he knew he had no right to ask this man to stay. Indeed he owed Mikhail this favor, just as Mikhail deserved the right to mark him with a scar.
“I don’t want to be your friend,” Mikhail said in an expressionless tone that couldn’t be any clearer and, without waiting for a response, turned around to walk away.
“Wait,” Fei Long called softly as he reached for Mikhail’s jacket, turning him around with a gentle tug on the sleeve.
“You forgot this.”
Fei Long’s hand slipped past Mikhail’s chest to the inside pocket of his leather jacket, lingering there for a moment too long before dropping in the black aluminum cigarette case he had been holding. He wanted to remember all this, the loud and heavy sound of Mikhail’s heart beating against the strong, masculine chest, the smell of aftershave that used to turn him on every time Mikhail drew near, and the warmth of this body that felt so much like his father’s.
Everything.
Taking a step back, Fei Long straightened himself before giving the man in front of him a quick bow. It had been a privilege, knowing someone like him, and it was an honor to say the one word that no one else deserved.
“Xie xie*,” Fei Long said. “Mikhail Arbatov.”
**********************
*means “Thank you” in Chinese.
Note: Do I continue to torture the couple some more or should I just end it this way? If you guys haven’t had enough I’ll drag this along for at least 20 chapters more. What do you think? :D
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Rating: PG
Warning: Complete angst
Characters: Mikhail, Fei Long, Yoh
Spoiler: Huge spoiler for everything in NT.
Disclaimer: All characters belong to YA sensei.
Notes: Thank you angel0399 for the great beta job and I’m sorry for having burdened you with two lengthy fics at a time.
The door flung open, revealing the well-decorated public restroom that was virtually empty. Mikhail stepped in and headed straight for the sink, flipping the faucet handle all the way up with just the tip of his finger. He didn't like to touch something so publicly used and the idea of having to share something personal had always made him uncomfortable. Fortunately, his position had made it possible for him to avoid these circumstances...until now.
Deep, blue eyes stared blankly at the running faucet before he reached out to feel the cold water that he wished was cold enough to numb his fingers. That way, even for a moment, he could forget the touch of Fei Long's skin that still lingered. He rubbed his hands together and watched as the stream washed away the sweet and intoxicating scent that possessed him like an unbreakable spell. Fei Long was a drug, a deadly one that he didn't know how to bring himself to quit, even when he wanted to. But sooner or later, and somehow, he would have to teach himself to live without the constant need to taste the poison that was consuming him both physically and mentally. But for now, there was something he must do before placing himself out of the picture.
"You can come out. I’m not going to kill you,” Mikhail said without turning around as he turned off the faucet.
"You knew I was here," a broken voice sounded from the corner after a brief moment of silence. His quiet, yet firm, footsteps approached the man by the sink slowly.
Mikhail glanced in the mirror at the reflection of a man he almost didn't recognize, and casually shifted his glance to the fresh towel tray that was neatly laid out for the guests by the sink, taking no interest in the gun that was pointing directly at him. "Of course," Mikhail replied as he picked up a towel and dried his hands. "There’re security cameras all over the place. Who do you think paved the way so you could be here unnoticed?"
Tossing the towel in the nearby basket, the Russian turned around to face the man who was once Fei Long's most trusted bodyguard and raised a brow as he saw the heavily bruised and battered body. "I must say, that's quite a job they did on you. I'm surprised you can still walk," Mikhail said, smiling to himself at the fire in those eyes that previously seemed so dull and emotionally lacking. Only Fei Long could change a man this much. "You can put the gun away. I'm not here to kill you."
Yoh paused for a moment to assess the situation before he lowered his gun and rested on the floor, leaning against the wall for support. The Russian seemed unarmed and had the man wanted him dead, Yoh was sure he wouldn't bother doing the job himself. "What do you want?"
Mikhail smiled. "The question is, what do you want?"
"I don't have time to play your games." He was no longer Fei Long's subordinate and there was no longer a need for him to be polite to a spoiled, Russian brat.
"Unfortunately, everything is a game," Mikhail snickered. "And as long as I control this game, you will play or you can get off the ship. My men will accommodate you, dead or alive is your choice." He must admit it was rather refreshing to see some attitude from the boring bodyguard that had been such a big contrast to Fei Long. "You are here because you're too useful as a pawn to be wasted. At least, Fei Long seems to think so." From the information he gathered through his spies and from what he'd seen, Baishe's security system, especially the prisoners' holding cells, was too well organized to escape from without help. And considering the obsession Fei Long's men had towards their master, there was only one man in Baishe who would help a traitor.
"And what makes you think you can utilize my usefulness?" Yoh asked in a mocking tone. If the Russian brat though he would let himself be used, the man had to be out of his mind. "I'll never work for you."
"You seem quite sure for a man who doesn't know who he works for," Mikhail sneered at the remark.
"I work for Asami Ryuichi," Yoh replied without hesitation, his eyes flashed a glare at the accusing Russian.
"You're not quite done convincing yourself of that fact, are you?"
"I'm here to fulfill my job, not for Fei Long or to play your stupid games." He knew exactly what he was doing and what he must accomplish. But even so, for some reasons, Arbatov's words stabbed him like a knife in the heart.
"So you have been deceiving Fei Long for nearly a decade."
"I've been doing my job." Deceiving Fei Long was his job description. It was a task he agreed to do, even before he'd met the Baishe leader⎯ he held no shame in doing so.
"Tell me," Mikhail said smilingly, amused at how far the man would go to keep his honor, even to the point of disregarding himself completely. "How does it feel to betray someone you would willingly die for?"
"I would die for Asami-sama just the same."
"Oh, but you wouldn't," Mikhail countered with absolute confidence. "I've seen the way you look at him. You can deny it to your grave but I know my rival when I see one."
Who the Russian was referring to needed no explanation, and Yoh tried to defend himself from such an accusation. However, his parted lips couldn’t speak the words; the explanation housed in his throat seemed like a lie. Deep down, he knew as much as the Russian did⎯ those words were utterly true.
"Let me make it easy for you," Mikhail said, reaching into his pocket for the black aluminum cigarette case that was recently opened and picked up a roll. "When all this is over, and your so-called boss gets his toy back, I'll pay you to do the job you would have done without getting paid. Say, in exchange for me letting you come on board this ship alive and letting you stay alive."
Deep, brown eyes looked straight at the other man, openly questioning the motive behind the proposal. While it was true that he would be willing to do anything for Fei Long without being paid or assigned to, not to mention that his true boss already gave him the choice, how doing so would benefit Mikhail Arbatov was beyond his comprehension. "I was under the impression that you’d want me to be as far away from Fei Long as possible."
"Correction. I would rather kill you than to see you within a ten-mile radius near Fei Long," Mikhail quickly chimed in. For the first time in his life, he was forced to do something that deeply irritated him. "But things have changed. And should you take this offer. I'll have you know that unlike your previous bosses, you either do this wholeheartedly, or I will kill you."
"You want me to protect him." Yoh confirmed. "Why me?"
"Ironically, you're the only one I can trust." No matter how much he despised that this man may have known Fei Long more than he did, and at the same time shared the same interest in the dragon, it was precisely for these reasons that there was no one else more capable or suitable for the job.
At that moment, something suddenly flashed in Yoh's mind. There was only one reason why Mikhail Arbatov would want someone else to protect the dragon of Baishe. "You're leaving him."
"I only sweat for something profitable," said the Russian, shifting his gaze to the floor in front of him. "Unfortunately, someone has reaped all the profit before I could get my hands on it." What he wanted from Fei Long has been taken. Time after time the man had tried to tell him of this fact, but his persistent nature had always prevented him from taking it to heart until now.
"So you're just going to leave it all behind and forget everything?" What Mikhail said, even he could not imagine. He knew what this man had been through. He was there with Fei Long to witness it from the beginning. It was his job to know.
Forget. Mikhail smiled to himself at the remark and held up the jet black cigarette he had yet to light for the other man to see. "Do you know what this is?" he asked and continued without waiting for an answer. "It's the finest and most expensive cigarette in the world." Mikhail took a short moment of silence, lighting the joint as he placed it between his lips and inhaled the intense yet delicate smoke with a long, deep breath. "The truth is, once you've tasted the best the world has to offer, you don't forget. And because it's irreplaceable; nothing else will quench your thirst ever again. In a way, it never leaves you."
He turned around and removed the cigarette from his lips to place it carefully near the sink, drawing the other man's gaze to the barely smoked roll of Treasurer Black. "Here's your chance to decide. You can live your whole life without ever having a taste of the one thing you want the most in exchange for what you believe in, or you can die reaching out for what you desire, even though you know it will ruin you for life. What will it be?"
Yoh listened in silence, thinking about how ironic it was⎯ the man he could never identify with may have turned out to be the only person who understood all too clearly the feeling he tried so hard to hide. As it turned out, the Russian knew exactly where and how to strike.
"I have a meeting with your two bosses in a few minutes. If everything goes as planned, the boy will return home unharmed and your job will have been accomplished. As for my offer, you think about it and let me know," Mikhail said before he left the room.
Ruin you for life. Yoh smiled to himself at those words. The truth being, he wasn't sure his life hadn't already been ruined by the dragon.
----------
An hour had passed and everything was still quiet. Yoh sat with his back against the bathroom’s door, making sure he would hear the sounds of Fei Long’s and Asami’s men passing through the hallway at the time of the exchange. The meeting was taking longer than he’d anticipated. But then again, no one knew what Mikhail Arbatov’s demands were, or whether Asami would be willing or able to comply. To the outsiders’ eyes, the Russian could benefit a lot from having the casino deed, which in turn would give them the power over Baishe. But knowing Mikhail Arbatov, and Yoh was sure his judgment was sane, everything the man had done had been personal, not business. And because it was personal, there was no telling what would go down on that ship.
Feeling exhausted to the point of collapsing, Yoh closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to gain the strength he needed. For almost three days he’d been on the run without getting any sleep, while his whole body ached like it was going to fall apart any minute. He was sure a few of his ribs were broken. Fei Long’s men had gone further than the usual interrogation procedures, where every strike was an act of pure resentment and rage. It was understandable when everyone at Baishe would have killed to be in his position, not just for the pay or the honor, but for the reason that Fei Long’s men worshipped their master like a god. Any insult to Fei Long was taken by heart, and the consequences carried out with the greatest devotion. But it was precisely for this fact that some of these men had crossed the line in doing something for Fei Long, including going to Mikhail Arbatov for help and interfering with the exchange⎯ an action that brought about the chaos on that ship. But how could he blame any of them when he, too, had done precisely the same. He could have snuck the boy out to Asami-sama anytime, but he’d allowed his emotion to interfere and hesitated. For the moment he rescued the boy would mean the end of his days as Fei Long’s right hand man⎯ a consequence he wasn’t prepared to suffer. His hesitation had led to Asami-sama’s decision to attack Baishe, leaving him no choice but to steal the deed and initiated the exchange. Yes, he was no doubt one of them⎯ a foolish man possessed by something he knew was too far beyond his reach.
The sound of gunshots startled him from his rest. Someone, no, two footsteps were running his way. Yoh pushed the door opened just enough for him to see the commotion outside and immediately picked up his gun as he saw Takaba Akihito running down the hallway, chased and being shot at by Yuri. Either Mikhail had lied to him or something had gone seriously wrong.
Getting up as fast as his heavily injured body permitted him to, Yoh stepped outside and ran after the Russian as the chase continued up the stairs to the deck. He took a shot at the man and cursed his weakened state as the bullet barely hit the Russian on the shoulder, allowing him to continue with the chase.
“Stop!” he yelled, raising his gun at Yuri, hoping that it would give the boy enough time to escape. But suddenly he felt dizzy and lost his balance. Despite all his efforts to get back up on his feet, everything went dark for moment, making it impossible for him to be sure whether the commotion up on the deck, followed by a few more gun shots, and the sound of his boss calling the boy’s name, had been real or just his imagination.
The next thing he knew, he was on the stairs, dragging himself up onto the deck when everything had gone quiet. Yoh paused for a moment at the sight of long, black hair dancing in the wind against the backdrop of a pitch black sea and a dark sky without a single star in sight. In the dragon’s arms was a familiar black folder, one he knew better than anyone what it contained. Fei Long has gotten the deed back, and it seemed the boy had been taken home.
A heavy sigh escaped Yoh’s lips as he felt a heavy weight lifted from his chest. He wasn’t sure what it was for, whether it was the fact that his job was finished, or that Fei Long was standing there with the deed, safe and unharmed. Up to that point, nothing seemed to matter. Here, on this deck was where everything was going to end. For nearly a decade he had stood by this man as he’d been instructed to do, and to Fei Long he had been the most trusted bodyguard. But what he’d carried out to perfection wasn’t the job designated to him by his true boss, nor was it the trust he’d gained from Fei Long while he was a spy. It was the cage in which he’d confined himself that still remained unbroken and unscratched⎯ a cage that was filled with every smile he wished he could show in Fei Long’s presence, every word that was left unsaid and unanswered, and every pain in his heart Fei Long had inflicted every time those amethyst eyes looked past his existence. For seven years, he’d lived with feelings that didn’t have a place in his life but never faded, things he didn’t have the right to say that never seem to be forgotten, and a man he knew existed but wasn’t allowed to be. What he’d hoped for wasn’t to have his feelings returned or to be acknowledged, but for once, and only once, he wanted Fei Long to see him, not as a trusted bodyguard, not as a spy, but as a man who had always been there but never present, every step of the way. And he was ready to die for it, if that was the cost.
He took a step forward and stood quietly behind the tall, elegant figure he knew by heart, inhaling the sweet scent he’d been intoxicated with everyday for the past seven years. This could be the last time he would ever drown himself in this drug, the last time he would see the flawless skin he was forbidden to touch, and the last time he would see those eyes that never looked upon him.
Turn around, Fei Long. Turn around and see me.
“…Yoh…Why are you here? How did you…?” Fei Long asked. He didn’t expect the man to be on the ship but most of all, that Yoh would show himself in his presence after all that had happened.
“I had some unfinished business.”
Unfinished business, Fei Long thought to himself. It seemed that everyone did. And to him, he wondered if his unfinished business would ever come to an end. Now that Asami has sailed off with Akihito, in his heart there were still too many questions left unanswered.
“I’m surprised you’re still alive. Why didn’t you escape?” Fei Long asked. He’d thought the man would have left with Asami, if not disappeared completely. There was no longer a place for him at Baishe, and the moment he’d learned of the betrayal, he’d said his goodbye to this man who had been both a trusted subordinate… and a friend. “Did you think I would forgive you?”
“I didn’t come here to ask for forgiveness. I just can’t die without fulfilling that promise.” He had no more reasons to lie. He was there for the boy, to finish his job, not for forgiveness, not for Fei Long.
A promise made to Asami, Fei Long thought as a bitter smile appeared on his face. Everything in his life seemed to have revolved around that man. Everything Yoh had ever done had been because of Asami. Everything he’d ever believed to be true had turned out to be a lie. One day, even Tao will grow up and no longer find him necessary. And now that he’d just given up the one man who’d ever loved him for the past he could not let go, he knew from this day forward that his life would be lived just as it had always been, just as he was born to be⎯ alone.
When you’re done, you can come home…, Alexei once said. Home⎯ a word that had always sounded distant and unfamiliar. Perhaps he would never learn what it meant in this lifetime.
“Then what do you intend to do?” Fei Long asked. At this point, the truth was he’d lost the ability to care.
But to his surprise, Yoh turned over the gun in his hand and offered it to him.
“If I am to die, I’d rather die by your hand,” he said, looking straight into Fei Long’s eyes with nothing but clear determination. He had no place in Fei Long’s life. And if killing him would be able to undo some of the pain in Fei Long’s heart, some of which he’d caused, then his life would have been worth living.
“Honestly, you and everyone else,” Fei Long said, snatching away the gun and pointing the barrel at the man he once trusted with his life, who now stood in front of him unwavering by the possibility of death. “Is this your way of putting an end to things?”
“…This is the only way for one whose heart was stolen by you,” Yoh said, looking straight into Fei Long’s eyes that seemed to have lost the ability to trust. Stolen. There was no other word more appropriate. Fei Long was never a possibility for him to give his heart to, nor would he ever allow himself to fall for a man he was forbidden to get involved with emotionally. Indeed, his heart had been stolen, somehow, somewhere along the way when he pretended to stand by this man’s side.
“Am I supposed to say that’s very noble of you?” Fei Long asked. Just looking at the man made him sick to his stomach. Was this how Asami felt when he confessed his feelings? Indifference? Possibly a little pity? Perhaps this was what he was to Asami, someone he didn’t want to see dead, but not the person he’d ever considered as a lover. Perhaps his heart also had been stolen by Asami, and the only way to end it was just as Yoh suggested, death.
But if there was one thing Akihito had taught him, it was that everything needn’t end the only way he’d been brought up to believe it should, with violence⎯ that there was always another way out. He still had a chance of resolving the problem that had been eating away his heart with Asami. And with Yoh, nothing would change, whether or not he pulled the trigger.
“Right now even that gets on my nerves,” Fei Long said, lowering the gun in his hand as he looked away. “A person’s heart is so difficult to understand. What changes just because you confess your feelings to someone, if in the end, they won’t become yours?” A confession seemed nothing more than an act of selfishness, and love seemed insignificant and useless without being returned. Everything that Mikhail had done for him couldn’t erase Asami from his heart. Just as those golden eyes would never look at him the way they looked at Takaba Akihito.
“Does it matter?”
Fei Long paused at the question he wasn’t expecting to hear. He had been taught to succeed in everything he initiated and never pursue anything without being certain of the outcome. To him, it mattered.
“Someone once told me, that you can live your whole life without ever having a taste of the one thing you want the most in exchange for what you believe in, or you can die reaching out for what you desire, even though you know it will ruin you for life,” Yoh said, smiling to himself at those words. “I figured it was worth dying for.”
Fei Long paused for a moment, knowing in his heart who Yoh was referring to. There was only one man he knew who lived his life strictly by that rule. “I didn’t know you talk to each other.”
Yoh smiled. “Extraordinary things happen everyday.”
***
The dark sky flashed in the distance, lighting up the rainclouds that gathered in the horizon. Leaning against the railing on the sky deck by the swimming pool, Mikhail closed his eyes and listened to the howling wind that sounded like a call from an angel of death, the rumbling of the sky matched all too well with the feeling in his heart.
He opened his eyes again at the sound of someone approaching him from behind. He knew exactly who it was. Familiar footsteps, coupled with the scent he had come to know by heart, allowed him to identify the man without having to turn around.
Fei Long paused for a few seconds behind the tall, masculine body he could almost draw without looking. Only most of the time he would see it from the front, together with a playful smile and a pair of blue eyes that lit up whenever they looked at him. But that night all he saw was Mikhail’s back, and even though he knew the man could sense his presence, Mikhail didn’t turn around to greet him.
“Can I have one?” Fei Long asked as he took a step forward and stood by the other man’s side, gesturing at the black and gold cigarette Mikhail had between his lips.
Just two days ago, the same gesture would have prompted Mikhail to offer him his own cigarette. But now, without a word spoken, a large, strong hand reached for the black aluminum case in the leather jacket and handed it to him instead. Fei Long paused at the unexpected reaction before taking the cold case. He picked out a roll and placed it between his lips.
“May I?” Fei Long asked, leaning forward in a gesture for his cigarette to be lit.
Mikhail raised his hand up to block out the wind and bent over to light the cigarette in Fei Long’s mouth with his own before turning away again. Still, he didn’t utter a word.
“They told me you want to use the helipad at nine. I assume you’re flying out tonight?” Fei Long asked after taking a few long puffs on the cigarette. He didn’t think Mikhail would be leaving so soon, and not without saying a word to him about it directly.
“So?” Mikhail said with irritation in his tone, indicating that he wasn’t in the mood to answer questions.
“It’s not safe to fly in this weather,” Fei Long said, holding his breath in between each word at the answer that was both cold and distant. “Can’t you wait until morning?”
A scornful smile suddenly appeared on the Russian’s face, one that was a mixture of disdain and bitterness, perhaps even a little self-pity. It was the first time ever since they’d been together that Mikhail had given him a look of pure resentment, as if what he said had been words of insult.
“It’s about time you stop pretending you give a damn,” he said with a sneer. “You and I both know that the only reason you want me to stay is because you’ve just been dumped, and you want someone to be here for you.” He knew he was being cruel and unfair, but without constantly telling himself this, he would find it impossible to leave.
Taken aback by the words that stabbed him right in the chest, Fei Long found himself unable to respond with the usual ferocity he would have lashed back at anyone who dared speak to him in such a way. After all, Mikhail’s words were true. He knew they were, deep down in his heart. It had always been his selfishness along with Mikhail’s persistent nature that led them to that point where they could no longer look at each other’s face without feeling some kind of pain and regret. He couldn’t help asking himself how long it had been since the last time they were simply happy in each other’s presence, without worrying about tomorrow, and without secretly counting down to the day a moment like this would finally come. And yet now that Mikhail has positioned himself out of his reach, even though the man was still standing just an arm’s length away, he still found himself surprised and unprepared.
“Even if that were also true, is it so hard to believe that, after all this time, I actually do care for you?” Fei Long asked, tracing his eyes on the outline of Mikhail’s face, at those lips that now refused to speak to him with kind words, and those eyes that would see anything but him.
“The truth is, Fei Long, I don’t want to know,” Mikhail replied before drawing another long, deep breath through the cigarette while his eyes continued to stare into the darkness in front of him.
Fei Long closed his eyes for a few seconds to allow the reality to sink in. Everything he’d ever said up to that point must have seemed like a lie. But the worst thing about it was that he’d allowed Mikhail to take these lies and turn them into promises he could not fulfill. Their relationship had been based on something that wasn’t really there, something he’d created unknowingly to keep this man in his life.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” Fei Long said sincerely. All his life he’d done many unimaginable things, some of which he’d regretted, and some he felt had been deserving. But to this man who had risked everything for this relationship while he himself risked nothing, he owed an apology, and a heart he didn’t have to give.
“Then do me a favor,” Mikhail said, raising his gaze up to the dark clouds ahead as he tapped the ash away from the cigarette. “I’m going back to Moscow after this. My father will stop bothering you and cease all supports to Toh. But keep an eye out for him and your brother, who will strike at you any chance they get. If you need anything, call Alexei. He’ll be glad to help you in any way he can.”
“…And you?” Fei Long found himself suffocating at his own question, knowing too well that the answer would rip through him like an electric current.
Mikhail paused for a few seconds to smoke his cigarette, and finally turned to look him in the eyes, as if to make sure the message would be clearly understood and taken to heart.
“Starting from the moment I leave this ship, I don’t want to see you or hear from you again.”
The sky flashed once, followed by a deafening thunder that somehow felt like a whip being casted upon him in punishment. Mikhail could have taken a knife and carve those words on his flesh and it would hurt less. A favor, he said, more like a gift at the cost of a deep and ever painful scar. Just as Asami had given him one, now Mikhail wanted to leave his mark.
Fei Long turned his gaze away slowly to the pitched black water crashing onto the side of the ship and smiled to himself underneath a curtain of long black hair that covered most of his face, making it hard to see his expression.
“I had hoped that we could remain friends,” Fei Long said, his voice trembled but not as much as the cigarette he held in his hand.
It was what Mikhail needed to get out of this relationship. He knew this, and still his selfishness had wished it would turn out differently. It would have been easy to have things go the way he wanted them to. He only had to reach out and hold Mikhail in his embrace and kiss him the way they’d always kissed for Mikhail to change his mind and go through every pain all over again. But this time, he knew he had no right to ask this man to stay. Indeed he owed Mikhail this favor, just as Mikhail deserved the right to mark him with a scar.
“I don’t want to be your friend,” Mikhail said in an expressionless tone that couldn’t be any clearer and, without waiting for a response, turned around to walk away.
“Wait,” Fei Long called softly as he reached for Mikhail’s jacket, turning him around with a gentle tug on the sleeve.
“You forgot this.”
Fei Long’s hand slipped past Mikhail’s chest to the inside pocket of his leather jacket, lingering there for a moment too long before dropping in the black aluminum cigarette case he had been holding. He wanted to remember all this, the loud and heavy sound of Mikhail’s heart beating against the strong, masculine chest, the smell of aftershave that used to turn him on every time Mikhail drew near, and the warmth of this body that felt so much like his father’s.
Everything.
Taking a step back, Fei Long straightened himself before giving the man in front of him a quick bow. It had been a privilege, knowing someone like him, and it was an honor to say the one word that no one else deserved.
“Xie xie*,” Fei Long said. “Mikhail Arbatov.”
**********************
*means “Thank you” in Chinese.
Note: Do I continue to torture the couple some more or should I just end it this way? If you guys haven’t had enough I’ll drag this along for at least 20 chapters more. What do you think? :D
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