try to shrug it off, shrug it off...

[kakamerm]

So I am going to try to articulate this as best as I can but I'm not really sure I understand it either. I went to my sister's first communion yesterday, I went to the church I've gone to my entire life, the place I spent an hour at every Sunday for about 17 years. I stopped feeling anything at church about the same time my Uncle died. I don't

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god v. cheese: place your bets!

[c0sgr0vef0akley]

i'm not going to say it's the story of my life, because for a long time... i just sort of went, and hoped through the difficult times that it would make a difference. i hoped that the rough spots would finally tell me what it was that i was looking for, but hadn't yet found and was just waiting around to discover beforehand. which never happened. so now, here i am. in the same boat, though i can't say i look at it all as some sort of anthropological study... but i've always seen it as empty oaths and rituals shrouded in the blessing of some wealthy patrons who we never see or hear, save for petitions and collections. hell, today at mass, i felt no reason to partake in all the normal churchy things i always did. i played my music, and i was uber happy to do it. but was it for god? more like me. sounds really selfish... way to abuse the purpose of it, evan! oh well. point is... i'm happy now with the band, and i'm proving to myself what i wanted to believe. maybe it's time you follow something you know you aren't doing just to fill a