(no subject)
F*cking wish there was more time in the day to do the things I want/need to. Work from 8:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., then needing to get to bed around midnight or so, just doesn't seem like enough. This is going to be one of those rant posts, by the way, so for those who don't want to see it, I'll LJ-Cut it here.
So anyway, I'm having worry issues, as usual. Still attempting to climb that hill of 'Realizing Things I Need To Do Are More Important Than Things I Want To Do', which is embarassing as hell to admit at 22 and a half years old. My car needs a tune-up and a replacement EGR Valve, which is going to be about $300+ altogether. I got the oil change, so at least that's out of the way now. I was supposed to get the EGR Valve replaced last week, but on Thursday, I checked my fundage in the bank and realized I had about $280, not to mention the fact that Car Insurance is going to be deducted on the 8th, which is.. tomorrow. 2 days before I get paid; so I'm hoping something randomly horribly doesn't happen to my car, sometime between now and Monday.
On top of this, I'm still looking towards the future fearfully, given that I've already decided that, come next Spring or early Summer, I'm getting out of here. I've talked it over with Brent, and he thinks it would be a good idea to room-up together somewhere, but it's going to be a work in progress. I still have a lot of time, of course, but for the first time I've ever thought about it, next Spring/Summer doesn't seem nearly long enough. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it, but it's something I've got to do. I'm going to be 23 f*cking years old, for Christ's sake.
I'm feeling torn between all my friends, because they're so widespread; I have two groups of friends here online, and then the group I actually can physically hang out with. It grates at me so badly that everyone can't just all be in one place, so I wouldn't have to go in so many directions just to be a 'good friend' and spend the needed time with all of them to remain as such. And of course, when I'm doing something with one group of them, and another person from another one wants to do or play something, I have to tell them 'no', and then I get upset at myself because I feel like I'm subtly taking sides. And then my friends who live around here come over, and I enjoy immensely the time I spend with them (given that, being that we're getting older, it's becoming much less than it used to be), but on the rare occasions (Read: the one time) where I'm already involved with and occupied with something big in another group on here, not only to I have to feel like sh*t for choosing one over the other, but I also get to hear the wonderful beratings from father telling me how horrible I am for sitting in front of my computer while my friends are over, and what a terrible friends I am to them, and how hurt they are that I'm addicted to my computer so badly that I don't care about them, etc., etc.
This is a horrible, selfish way to think, but it really does piss me off that they can't all just be 'together'. At least that way, even if I -did- go off with one or two people, at least it would be from the same 'group' of friends, and there'd be a chance they might even [want to] be a part of it.
[FOR ANY ONE OF MY FRIENDS READING THIS NEXT PART, PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED; I AM NOT SINGLING ANYONE OUT, JUST SELFISHLY RANTING]
So I'm sitting here talking to one of my friends from Group Ventrilo (code names, lol ._.), who I haven't seen or talked to in a little over a month, and we decide to start up a game and play it for awhile. Not more than 5 minutes in, I get a message from Brent saying he's coming over. So I gotta tell Hikaru that Brent's coming over, and that we gotta close down so I can go hang out with him, and that I'll be back later on if I can. I'm already twisting my own arm over that, but not more than a minute later, one of my friends from Group IRC logs on, and sends me a PM, asking me to tell one of my other friends from IRC to message her when she gets on, because she 'needs a friend'. Maybe, just maybe I'm taking that a little more harshly than I should, but gee whiz, that makes me feel real awesome. So I just said f*ck everyone, and put up AFK messages all over my chat programs, partially because I didn't want to deal with anyone, and majorly because Brent was coming over anyway. In a sense, it was a good thing he was, because we had things to do and plan for, anyway.
Guys, I can't make everyone happy. But Goddamnit, it's not like I don't TRY.
It's days like this where I wish I could just stay at work, even if I'd have to punch out after my 8 hours are filled.
Car needs adjusting, 401(k) plan needs to be assessed and filed, my future needs to be planned for, and I've got various other little projects and things I want to do that I'm trying to put in prioritical order, with little success. I don't care if I worry too much, I just feel so overwhelmed by it all.
Oh, and did I mention that I just found out today that I didn't have my Driver's License on me for the last month and a half? I'd had it tucked in with my birth certificate for the ID process while I was going through the airports on my way to/from Canada, and it's been on the shelf in my closet this whole time without me even realizing it. I finally DID notice when I went to use my Debit Card for a purchase today, and they asked for my ID as proof of ownership and etc. Lo and behold, it was not there. So yeah, that was definitely an 'Oh, sh*t...' wake-up call. Needless to say, I was nervous as f*cking hell on the way back home.
I guess that's all for now. Let's wait and see what the rest of the night holds, and find out what else I can do/have go wrong.
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So anyway, I'm having worry issues, as usual. Still attempting to climb that hill of 'Realizing Things I Need To Do Are More Important Than Things I Want To Do', which is embarassing as hell to admit at 22 and a half years old. My car needs a tune-up and a replacement EGR Valve, which is going to be about $300+ altogether. I got the oil change, so at least that's out of the way now. I was supposed to get the EGR Valve replaced last week, but on Thursday, I checked my fundage in the bank and realized I had about $280, not to mention the fact that Car Insurance is going to be deducted on the 8th, which is.. tomorrow. 2 days before I get paid; so I'm hoping something randomly horribly doesn't happen to my car, sometime between now and Monday.
On top of this, I'm still looking towards the future fearfully, given that I've already decided that, come next Spring or early Summer, I'm getting out of here. I've talked it over with Brent, and he thinks it would be a good idea to room-up together somewhere, but it's going to be a work in progress. I still have a lot of time, of course, but for the first time I've ever thought about it, next Spring/Summer doesn't seem nearly long enough. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dreading it, but it's something I've got to do. I'm going to be 23 f*cking years old, for Christ's sake.
I'm feeling torn between all my friends, because they're so widespread; I have two groups of friends here online, and then the group I actually can physically hang out with. It grates at me so badly that everyone can't just all be in one place, so I wouldn't have to go in so many directions just to be a 'good friend' and spend the needed time with all of them to remain as such. And of course, when I'm doing something with one group of them, and another person from another one wants to do or play something, I have to tell them 'no', and then I get upset at myself because I feel like I'm subtly taking sides. And then my friends who live around here come over, and I enjoy immensely the time I spend with them (given that, being that we're getting older, it's becoming much less than it used to be), but on the rare occasions (Read: the one time) where I'm already involved with and occupied with something big in another group on here, not only to I have to feel like sh*t for choosing one over the other, but I also get to hear the wonderful beratings from father telling me how horrible I am for sitting in front of my computer while my friends are over, and what a terrible friends I am to them, and how hurt they are that I'm addicted to my computer so badly that I don't care about them, etc., etc.
This is a horrible, selfish way to think, but it really does piss me off that they can't all just be 'together'. At least that way, even if I -did- go off with one or two people, at least it would be from the same 'group' of friends, and there'd be a chance they might even [want to] be a part of it.
[FOR ANY ONE OF MY FRIENDS READING THIS NEXT PART, PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED; I AM NOT SINGLING ANYONE OUT, JUST SELFISHLY RANTING]
So I'm sitting here talking to one of my friends from Group Ventrilo (code names, lol ._.), who I haven't seen or talked to in a little over a month, and we decide to start up a game and play it for awhile. Not more than 5 minutes in, I get a message from Brent saying he's coming over. So I gotta tell Hikaru that Brent's coming over, and that we gotta close down so I can go hang out with him, and that I'll be back later on if I can. I'm already twisting my own arm over that, but not more than a minute later, one of my friends from Group IRC logs on, and sends me a PM, asking me to tell one of my other friends from IRC to message her when she gets on, because she 'needs a friend'. Maybe, just maybe I'm taking that a little more harshly than I should, but gee whiz, that makes me feel real awesome. So I just said f*ck everyone, and put up AFK messages all over my chat programs, partially because I didn't want to deal with anyone, and majorly because Brent was coming over anyway. In a sense, it was a good thing he was, because we had things to do and plan for, anyway.
Guys, I can't make everyone happy. But Goddamnit, it's not like I don't TRY.
It's days like this where I wish I could just stay at work, even if I'd have to punch out after my 8 hours are filled.
Car needs adjusting, 401(k) plan needs to be assessed and filed, my future needs to be planned for, and I've got various other little projects and things I want to do that I'm trying to put in prioritical order, with little success. I don't care if I worry too much, I just feel so overwhelmed by it all.
Oh, and did I mention that I just found out today that I didn't have my Driver's License on me for the last month and a half? I'd had it tucked in with my birth certificate for the ID process while I was going through the airports on my way to/from Canada, and it's been on the shelf in my closet this whole time without me even realizing it. I finally DID notice when I went to use my Debit Card for a purchase today, and they asked for my ID as proof of ownership and etc. Lo and behold, it was not there. So yeah, that was definitely an 'Oh, sh*t...' wake-up call. Needless to say, I was nervous as f*cking hell on the way back home.
I guess that's all for now. Let's wait and see what the rest of the night holds, and find out what else I can do/have go wrong.
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