PM to Essowyn
[[Adding this here because fuck twitter's 140 limit and messing with that.
Writing is only to Essowyn through the back/private pages of the tome]]
Well I guess easiest way to explain without ranting is I'm feeling neglected from someone who I thought was a partner, but lately wondering if I'm more like a friends with benefits when it's convenient, if even that as he rarely ever replies to my greetings and what I write now.
Another person I got in a fight with and decided I was done with trying to keep a friendship that was hurting me, though a few days ago the one who I'm feeling neglected by wrote me to say she apologized (and hasn't talked to me since), and I opened up lines of communication so she can apologize herself but she also hasn't said anything to me and I'm wondering if person 1 only told me she did to try to fix the problem. My other partner isn't replying to any of my letters either and while he said he plans on never leaving me (and he even got a... rather large tattoo of my name on his stomach), I'm starting to feel like outside sex I'm not that important anymore and like he's even ignoring me for my kid.
I miss my baby. And it feels like just nobody really cares about me or how I'm feeling.
For the most part the people I grew up with don't want to hear about my complaining and just tell me to stop being so dramatic, and I don't know what to say without coming across like a clingy kid. I don't want people to think I'm clingy or have to try to guilt people into talking to me or spending time with me and after awhile of writing with no responses I'm afraid I'm just annoying people because if they wanted to talk to me they would, right? and otherwise I'm just annoying everyone.
I'm sorry this is so long. Tried not to rant and I still kinda did.
I'm just considering shelving the book. Maybe getting a new one since the people I work with still tend to talk to me in the back pages and it helps with work, but I'll just be adding only a few people into it.
Besides from my kid I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad to become a hermit again.
Thing is though then Yoji would want to see Piv (and by extension me). Then again even Piv would be fine without me since Yoji and the people in my guild would take care of him like they said they would, so just disappearing could be an option, right?
Just damn tired of feeling like I'm the only damn person who cares anymore. I've been struggling with things like this since I was a kid and I know I'm not that old and shouldn't be complaining about how tired I am after 20 years or so of all this since there's likely people far older who've dealt with longer, but... Hell I'm just weak. I'll admit it
And I know I've probably been passive aggressive about some things, but i don't know what to do and and it's just... I can't yell at people, I can't say anything because I'll just come across as whiny and needy or I'll end up guilting people and really guilting people into talking to you or spending time with you really isn't any better because they should want to do these things without feeling like they're being forced too and... I don't know
Heh. See, not really something that can be fixed by Bombs, bacon, or chocolate.
Bit torn now too about feelings about work since, while it's keeping me from friends (though I feel like they probably don't even really notice I'm gone most the time), it's also giving me things to do besides sit around all day and feel bad.
The fighting part of work helps with stress too somewhat, though I can tell it's a good thing I'm not fighting in Pandaria
Writing is only to Essowyn through the back/private pages of the tome]]
Well I guess easiest way to explain without ranting is I'm feeling neglected from someone who I thought was a partner, but lately wondering if I'm more like a friends with benefits when it's convenient, if even that as he rarely ever replies to my greetings and what I write now.
Another person I got in a fight with and decided I was done with trying to keep a friendship that was hurting me, though a few days ago the one who I'm feeling neglected by wrote me to say she apologized (and hasn't talked to me since), and I opened up lines of communication so she can apologize herself but she also hasn't said anything to me and I'm wondering if person 1 only told me she did to try to fix the problem. My other partner isn't replying to any of my letters either and while he said he plans on never leaving me (and he even got a... rather large tattoo of my name on his stomach), I'm starting to feel like outside sex I'm not that important anymore and like he's even ignoring me for my kid.
I miss my baby. And it feels like just nobody really cares about me or how I'm feeling.
For the most part the people I grew up with don't want to hear about my complaining and just tell me to stop being so dramatic, and I don't know what to say without coming across like a clingy kid. I don't want people to think I'm clingy or have to try to guilt people into talking to me or spending time with me and after awhile of writing with no responses I'm afraid I'm just annoying people because if they wanted to talk to me they would, right? and otherwise I'm just annoying everyone.
I'm sorry this is so long. Tried not to rant and I still kinda did.
I'm just considering shelving the book. Maybe getting a new one since the people I work with still tend to talk to me in the back pages and it helps with work, but I'll just be adding only a few people into it.
Besides from my kid I'm thinking maybe it wouldn't be so bad to become a hermit again.
Thing is though then Yoji would want to see Piv (and by extension me). Then again even Piv would be fine without me since Yoji and the people in my guild would take care of him like they said they would, so just disappearing could be an option, right?
Just damn tired of feeling like I'm the only damn person who cares anymore. I've been struggling with things like this since I was a kid and I know I'm not that old and shouldn't be complaining about how tired I am after 20 years or so of all this since there's likely people far older who've dealt with longer, but... Hell I'm just weak. I'll admit it
And I know I've probably been passive aggressive about some things, but i don't know what to do and and it's just... I can't yell at people, I can't say anything because I'll just come across as whiny and needy or I'll end up guilting people and really guilting people into talking to you or spending time with you really isn't any better because they should want to do these things without feeling like they're being forced too and... I don't know
Heh. See, not really something that can be fixed by Bombs, bacon, or chocolate.
Bit torn now too about feelings about work since, while it's keeping me from friends (though I feel like they probably don't even really notice I'm gone most the time), it's also giving me things to do besides sit around all day and feel bad.
The fighting part of work helps with stress too somewhat, though I can tell it's a good thing I'm not fighting in Pandaria