(no subject)
So I realized I havn't had Kal do her writing thing in awhile
Originally I was putting it off to try to finish that one rp with Ellister waaaaay back during that issue with people being in heat/rut
And then just kinda
Derped
And kept saying "Ok, I'll do this in a bit", and then didn't
Sorry
==========================
It's well past Piv's birthday
And there's so many things I've forgotten to write
I'd be a horrible historian but I'm writing as best I can remember from the last few months
From when I last wrote me and Val had started dating. I think anyways. We've only really had one official date, during the lunar festival
Arguably we had one before but I didn't really think of it as one because I had thought he didn't have the interest and we were just being friends having a small picnic
I think I wrote a small "entry" on a piece of paper to rewrite in here later, but I'm not sure where it went. I will have to look for it.
I am still having trouble with Sego, though for another reason. I'm trying to let it go, but it still bothers me that she hasn't really apologized for me.
In a way she did, through Val, but since I re-added her to my tome after I had decided I wasn't going to continue to put up with how poor a friend she's been, she hasn't said anything to me on the subject. I'm wondering if maybe Val had just heard of the fight and was trying to fix it.
I gave her time at first since she was sick, and afterwards tried to let it go, but it still bothers me.
I've gotten to know Alaanas more too. I can't remember at the moment if I have written of him, but here we go.
He's very nice. He reminds me somewhat of Sindre, but less... high maintenance? Funny how I didn't really think of how they're a bit alike, though more just minor mannerisms than overall personality.
He is Val's primary but he's been accepting of me doing things with Val, though so far this hasn't been much
I'm not sure I will be able to continue this kind of relationship though. I can't tell if it is through love, infatuation, or something else but I got very attached to them, but I'm thinking that I got far too excited and they ended up meaning far more to me than I have to them.
Around LiitA I ended up having to work and was not around much. Val asked me to write and said we would do something later to make up for my being gone, and I have tried to keep in touch, but most of my greetings or attempts at conversation ended up ignored unanswered, though he would write to others and be very affectionate with Alaan in the tome
I would claim I wasn't jealous, but admittedly I was... or still am? I know he is his primary partner, but
I thought it was safe for me to open up, though looking back I still ended up falling far too hard for them both and moving too fast. I'm not sure what I did for them to lose interest in me this time, but it hurts
I have been waiting for some kind of change but there hasn't been much, and I'm afraid to say anything and drive him off further.
It may have been a mistake too to sleep with him -them when I had, though Alaan had said that Val had wanted things to move faster. Maybe it was too fast, I don't know
Likely I could have just been forgotten as well, since they had just moved in together in their own new home and were in a kind of "Honeymoon" state
I don't know what is going on though anymore and I don't like this lack of certainty with this. The lack of security
Feeling like an afterthought is driving me nuts and I can't handle it, so I think as soon as I can this time I'm just going to nut and
Shit I don't know. Do I break it off and see about just staying friends?
Do I talk to him and see if this situation can be fixed?
But what if he feels I'm being pushy or clingy, or trying to force him to change?
What if he gets mad at me for it? Sego got mad at me just for asking her to say something to Thistle when he butts in on conversations to call me stupid or insult my work, just because it's me, when I've been trying damn hard not to yell at him even for shit he deserves to get yelled at for
She's always defending him for everything, but won't do the same for others against him and justifies anything he says
I don't give a damn what that little shitfuck thinks of me, but I do did care that she had no problem with her boyfriend saying shit about me when I'd been trying to put up with him and even try to be helpful at times with problems or questions he had
I am not making that effort anymore
You know what, if he gets mad at me for saying that I'm feeling neglected and heartbroken, then fuck him.
I don't need him or any of the damn others
I don't need parents or a family besides Yoji and Piv and the people I grew up with.
If Pants and Jurntra are able to join it too even better
Just need to stop beating myself up for not being good enough for these other people who are always forgetting about me or ignoring me
I'm going to be 26 soon damnit. I should be figuring out what the hell to do.
The shell I had as a kid doesn't seem to be acceptable anymore
But the trying to be open and free myself up from always protecting myself and just be me doesn't seem to work either and I've already gotten too soft again and Attley would probably yell at me some more for caring too much about people instead of just saying fuck em
The boss isn't too happy either, but as long as I'm getting work done right and efficiently she still doesn't care
Still, I'm not really sure what to do or say. I'm probably going to find out that Val's interest was far more casual than mine and it's going to be embarrassing as fuck
How the fuck do people usually do confrontations like this?
I mean I would much rather be able to have a close relationship with Val and Alaan, even if now it would be a bit difficult after all the pain and crying to myself like a dumbfuck
But I also don't want to have to keep fighting pestering I don't know what damn word to use here, but it's just tiring trying to get him to talk to me or just to get him to take the time to say hi. I get it that they're both busy. Yoji is often busy as well and we don't often see each other, but there's still an effort. I just feel like I'm not important enough in this and it hurts and I'm tired
For fucks sake I'm just repeating myself in a stupid overly emotional rant now
Moving on
Piv is 1 year now
A bit over actually since it was back in February
He's walking, feeding himself somewhat with a spoon, he tends to cry when people leave the room after they had been there awhile but calms down again quickly enough, and he's got some understanding of words and their meaning and when we ask him to point out certain objects or parts of himself he can, though he's still working on figuring out how to talk himself
I met a troll in Pandaria on one of the days I've been feeling stable enough to avoid possession, and we ended up working together. Just kinda happened since we were doing the same kind of stuff and we started helping each other for some parts, and then eventually working together rather than the doing our thing and helping the other sometimes.
Did it for two days because I ran into him again a bit later on after this one point we parted and i ran into him again
Dunno his damn though, which kinda sucks
I've been meeting and making friends with a lot of trolls lately actually... well, getting on friendly terms more than friends
Of course most of them don't know I'm actually what I am, but whatever, they don't really need to know right now anyways
Especially since the horde has apparently getting worse, though more people are also plotting ways to possibly take down Garrosh. For now people are more helping the pandarens deal with this new threat on pandaria more than fighting Alliance. Sure they're still up for killing alliance or alliance races, neutral or not, but they're pissed about how extreme Garrosh is being and how much of a jerkass he's being to most the races
Yoji scared me a bit the other day when he was talking about the horde war machine and that whole thing that if you're not part of it you're food for it or whatever, and how he was part of the machine and for a minute I thought that was going to go badly for me. Yoji's a healer and doesn't do much killing, but still.
I already knew he had to do some work for the horde, because Garrosh is a cockbag, but the ranting was just scary shit and I actually ended up hiding behind Pants. And me and Yoji fought a little bit, but otherwise shit's fine now.
He's talking about trying to move away from horde areas cause he's afraid shit's about to explode within the horde with a civil war or something, and he just wants to get out. He showed me a place near Mulgore (kinda) that he was talking about escaping to, even though we still have our normal home that's a lot further than Orgrimmar. And even if shit happened within the Alliance still out of the way in a place that it likely wouldn't be a problem, though the Alliance is having far less trouble at the moment.
and since I can't remember anything else, I've been debating on joining the Mageroyal society. My drake has been suggesting it since so far they seem to be working within certain goals and he feels it'd help me with some of the work I've been doing
Other than that I can't remember shit about what I did. I'll had to add in if I remember later
Originally I was putting it off to try to finish that one rp with Ellister waaaaay back during that issue with people being in heat/rut
And then just kinda
Derped
And kept saying "Ok, I'll do this in a bit", and then didn't
Sorry
==========================
It's well past Piv's birthday
And there's so many things I've forgotten to write
I'd be a horrible historian but I'm writing as best I can remember from the last few months
From when I last wrote me and Val had started dating. I think anyways. We've only really had one official date, during the lunar festival
Arguably we had one before but I didn't really think of it as one because I had thought he didn't have the interest and we were just being friends having a small picnic
I think I wrote a small "entry" on a piece of paper to rewrite in here later, but I'm not sure where it went. I will have to look for it.
I am still having trouble with Sego, though for another reason. I'm trying to let it go, but it still bothers me that she hasn't really apologized for me.
In a way she did, through Val, but since I re-added her to my tome after I had decided I wasn't going to continue to put up with how poor a friend she's been, she hasn't said anything to me on the subject. I'm wondering if maybe Val had just heard of the fight and was trying to fix it.
I gave her time at first since she was sick, and afterwards tried to let it go, but it still bothers me.
I've gotten to know Alaanas more too. I can't remember at the moment if I have written of him, but here we go.
He's very nice. He reminds me somewhat of Sindre, but less... high maintenance? Funny how I didn't really think of how they're a bit alike, though more just minor mannerisms than overall personality.
He is Val's primary but he's been accepting of me doing things with Val, though so far this hasn't been much
I'm not sure I will be able to continue this kind of relationship though. I can't tell if it is through love, infatuation, or something else but I got very attached to them, but I'm thinking that I got far too excited and they ended up meaning far more to me than I have to them.
Around LiitA I ended up having to work and was not around much. Val asked me to write and said we would do something later to make up for my being gone, and I have tried to keep in touch, but most of my greetings or attempts at conversation ended up ignored unanswered, though he would write to others and be very affectionate with Alaan in the tome
I would claim I wasn't jealous, but admittedly I was... or still am? I know he is his primary partner, but
I thought it was safe for me to open up, though looking back I still ended up falling far too hard for them both and moving too fast. I'm not sure what I did for them to lose interest in me this time, but it hurts
I have been waiting for some kind of change but there hasn't been much, and I'm afraid to say anything and drive him off further.
It may have been a mistake too to sleep with him -them when I had, though Alaan had said that Val had wanted things to move faster. Maybe it was too fast, I don't know
Likely I could have just been forgotten as well, since they had just moved in together in their own new home and were in a kind of "Honeymoon" state
I don't know what is going on though anymore and I don't like this lack of certainty with this. The lack of security
Feeling like an afterthought is driving me nuts and I can't handle it, so I think as soon as I can this time I'm just going to nut and
Shit I don't know. Do I break it off and see about just staying friends?
Do I talk to him and see if this situation can be fixed?
But what if he feels I'm being pushy or clingy, or trying to force him to change?
What if he gets mad at me for it? Sego got mad at me just for asking her to say something to Thistle when he butts in on conversations to call me stupid or insult my work, just because it's me, when I've been trying damn hard not to yell at him even for shit he deserves to get yelled at for
She's always defending him for everything, but won't do the same for others against him and justifies anything he says
I don't give a damn what that little shitfuck thinks of me, but I do did care that she had no problem with her boyfriend saying shit about me when I'd been trying to put up with him and even try to be helpful at times with problems or questions he had
I am not making that effort anymore
You know what, if he gets mad at me for saying that I'm feeling neglected and heartbroken, then fuck him.
I don't need him or any of the damn others
I don't need parents or a family besides Yoji and Piv and the people I grew up with.
If Pants and Jurntra are able to join it too even better
Just need to stop beating myself up for not being good enough for these other people who are always forgetting about me or ignoring me
I'm going to be 26 soon damnit. I should be figuring out what the hell to do.
The shell I had as a kid doesn't seem to be acceptable anymore
But the trying to be open and free myself up from always protecting myself and just be me doesn't seem to work either and I've already gotten too soft again and Attley would probably yell at me some more for caring too much about people instead of just saying fuck em
The boss isn't too happy either, but as long as I'm getting work done right and efficiently she still doesn't care
Still, I'm not really sure what to do or say. I'm probably going to find out that Val's interest was far more casual than mine and it's going to be embarrassing as fuck
How the fuck do people usually do confrontations like this?
I mean I would much rather be able to have a close relationship with Val and Alaan, even if now it would be a bit difficult after all the pain and crying to myself like a dumbfuck
But I also don't want to have to keep fighting pestering I don't know what damn word to use here, but it's just tiring trying to get him to talk to me or just to get him to take the time to say hi. I get it that they're both busy. Yoji is often busy as well and we don't often see each other, but there's still an effort. I just feel like I'm not important enough in this and it hurts and I'm tired
For fucks sake I'm just repeating myself in a stupid overly emotional rant now
Moving on
Piv is 1 year now
A bit over actually since it was back in February
He's walking, feeding himself somewhat with a spoon, he tends to cry when people leave the room after they had been there awhile but calms down again quickly enough, and he's got some understanding of words and their meaning and when we ask him to point out certain objects or parts of himself he can, though he's still working on figuring out how to talk himself
I met a troll in Pandaria on one of the days I've been feeling stable enough to avoid possession, and we ended up working together. Just kinda happened since we were doing the same kind of stuff and we started helping each other for some parts, and then eventually working together rather than the doing our thing and helping the other sometimes.
Did it for two days because I ran into him again a bit later on after this one point we parted and i ran into him again
Dunno his damn though, which kinda sucks
I've been meeting and making friends with a lot of trolls lately actually... well, getting on friendly terms more than friends
Of course most of them don't know I'm actually what I am, but whatever, they don't really need to know right now anyways
Especially since the horde has apparently getting worse, though more people are also plotting ways to possibly take down Garrosh. For now people are more helping the pandarens deal with this new threat on pandaria more than fighting Alliance. Sure they're still up for killing alliance or alliance races, neutral or not, but they're pissed about how extreme Garrosh is being and how much of a jerkass he's being to most the races
Yoji scared me a bit the other day when he was talking about the horde war machine and that whole thing that if you're not part of it you're food for it or whatever, and how he was part of the machine and for a minute I thought that was going to go badly for me. Yoji's a healer and doesn't do much killing, but still.
I already knew he had to do some work for the horde, because Garrosh is a cockbag, but the ranting was just scary shit and I actually ended up hiding behind Pants. And me and Yoji fought a little bit, but otherwise shit's fine now.
He's talking about trying to move away from horde areas cause he's afraid shit's about to explode within the horde with a civil war or something, and he just wants to get out. He showed me a place near Mulgore (kinda) that he was talking about escaping to, even though we still have our normal home that's a lot further than Orgrimmar. And even if shit happened within the Alliance still out of the way in a place that it likely wouldn't be a problem, though the Alliance is having far less trouble at the moment.
and since I can't remember anything else, I've been debating on joining the Mageroyal society. My drake has been suggesting it since so far they seem to be working within certain goals and he feels it'd help me with some of the work I've been doing
Other than that I can't remember shit about what I did. I'll had to add in if I remember later