Just to Waste My Time with You [ikon; junhwe/jinhwan] (2/2)

[kalopsia]

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It doesn’t take a genius to deduce that even though he’d turned Junhwe down the first time, it’s highly likely Jinhwan probably does like him. It’s also apparent that he doesn’t plan to do anything about it. At least not in the near future.

Look, at first Junhwe exercised a great amount of self-control. It was obvious that even though Jinhwan wasn’t the leader, as the eldest and one of the three “original” members, he felt like he needed to act as an example to the rest of the group. Junhwe respected that, he knew being in a relationship or whatever with the second youngest member of the group wasn’t exactly exemplary.

Here’s the thing though, you honestly cannot arm Junhwe with the knowledge that the object of his pining for the last 2 and a half years or so likes him back, and then expect him to not try and test it out. If Junhwe wasn’t a singer, he’d definitely be a disciple of the sciences. After all, it was in the name of science -- an ode to the human condition -- that on the third day after Jinhwan had kissed him, Junhwe had cornered Jinhwan in the bathroom and returned the favour by kissing the smudge of toothpaste off his lips. Jinhwan didn’t look happy about it, but it didn’t look like it ruined his morning either.

Junhwe will concede every time after was probably just him being a selfish person. He kind of just pecks Jinhwan here and there when no one else is looking. He does it often enough that it becomes more of a bad habit rather than any sort of pre-meditated action. The first time Jinhwan actually says something -- instead of looking mildly affronted with a strong blush on his cheeks -- is when Junhwe kisses him goodnight outside of his bedroom door.

"We can't date," Jinhwan says resolutely.

Junhwe pretends to look around, on the ceiling, beneath his legs, behind his shoulder. "Who's dating?" he asks.

Jinhwan doesn't look very convinced.

"Look, it's nothing. You've showered with Bobby and Hanbin before, are you dating them?" Junhwe pauses, contemplative. "Wait are you?"

Jinhwan gags, and looks like Junhwe just suggested a foursome with them. "No. Of course not."

"See!" Junhwe exclaims. "It's all about the intention behind it." Jinhwan looks dubious, but also like he's listening. It's Junhwe’s chance to strengthen his case. Either he goes hard or he goes home. "Can I have another kiss? The intention being to show my appreciation for your country boy aesthetic." He gestures knowingly towards Jinhwan's cow printed pyjamas.

Jinhwan levels Junhwe with a disbelieving stare, upper lip curled up, one eyebrow raised.

Well, it was worth a try. He's waiting for Jinhwan to turn back towards his room until suddenly he's being pulled down by the collar of his shirt and he can taste the mouthwash Jinhwan uses like it's his own.

Jinhwan moves back much too quickly, palms sliding down Junhwe's shirt to straighten it out. "Because you're endearing," he murmurs into Junhwe's collarbone before looking up.

Junhwe's mouth feels dry. Fingers numb where they were holding on to either side of the door frame. "Uh huh," he says dumbly.

Jinhwan smiles at him, fixes Junhwe's fringe before turning the knob behind him and walking back into his room. "Goodnight!" he calls out. The doors already closed behind him before Junhwe can finally verbalise a reply.

"Goodnight..."

The next morning Hanbin wakes only Junhwe up at the crack of dawn ("Character building," Hanbin insists. "You look hilarious when you're tired." Bobby says from under his blankets) despite it being an off day. And Junhwe's grumpy, drowsy, and groggy when he's scavenging through the cupboards looking for something edible. He's about given up until he catches sight of a yellow box behind the large warehouse cartons of ramen.

Jinhwan is leaving the bathroom when Junhwe grabs his arm and yanks him into the hallway.

"What are you--"

Junhwe kisses him, sweetly, fiercely, before pulling back with a smirk on his face.

"Because you bought my favourite cereal."

Jinhwan looks like he's about to say something, but Hanbin yells at the masses to converge in the living room, and Donghyuk's loud footsteps and Bobby's even louder yelling are increasing in volume. Junhwe moves to put some space between him and Jinhwan, until the latter pulls him down by the nape and kisses the edge of his mouth.

Jinhwan blinks, like he’s trying to process his own actions, before his lips twist themselves into a playful smile. "Because you're cute when you're sleepy," he says, before slipping under Junhwe's arm to help Hanbin wake up the rest of the kids.

Bobby finds Junhwe standing in the middle of the hallway, forehead resting against the wall, five minutes later. He gives Junhwe a sleepy once over. "What's wrong with you?" he mumbles.

"Nothing." Junhwe presses his grin into his hands.

Feeling angry and hurt isn’t unfamiliar to Junhwe. Feeling angry and hurt towards Jinhwan however, is completely alien. The first morning he wakes up, tired, foggy headed, with just the vague feeling of disgruntlement in his gut to go off, he ends up completely snubbing Donghyuk -- much to the latter’s confusion -- before remembering who he was actually meant to be angry at.

Jinhwan doesn’t do anything to address it, which Junhwe takes to mean his feelings are definitely valid and it wasn’t just a misunderstanding. The only acknowledgement he gets is that Jinhwan, who was usually fairly good at dispersing his attention to all the members equally, now spends more time with Hanbin and Bobby than usual. Which is saying something. He’s left Donghyuk, Yunhyeong, and Chanwoo to Junhwe (even though, why would Junhwe ask for Chanwoo), like they’re dividing assets in a divorce.

Hanbin, who’d been thankfully oblivious when Jinhwan and Junhwe started canoodling and spending most of their time together, notices when they completely freeze each other off.

Naturally, Hanbin blames Junhwe for it. “What did you do?” he asks over breakfast one day.

Junhwe isn’t in the mood. “What are you talking about?” he replies, trying to inject as much disinterest as he can into his voice so Hanbin gets a hint.

“Why aren’t you trailing after Jinhwan like a lost kid?”

Since Junhwe, on paper, doesn’t like Jinhwan at all anymore, he figures it’s okay if he tells Hanbin the entire story. It’s not like his relationship with Jinhwan could get any worse when it currently doesn’t exist. He’s about to spill the beans until he catches sight of Jinhwan from the corner of his eye. Laughing with Yunhyeong in front of the bathroom, still in his pyjamas, blinking sleepily

It’s cruel that, even though he’s always been aware that he’s liked Jinhwan a whole fucking lot for a fucking long time, he could never really bring himself to think about how much he liked him while they were actually together-ish. Now that everything’s gone sour between them, Junhwe is suddenly comfortable admitting to himself that yes, he probably was in love with Jinhwan. The k-drama, cheesy pop song, shoujo manga, dumb 19 year old boy kind of love that makes his toes curl. Probably still is. Or he’s relatively confident he is. Who knows, his emotions might have been warped from the pressure or whatever Jinhwan’s shitty hypothesis was.

“No reason,” Junhwe mumbles, letting his spoon clatter inside his cereal bowl. “Hey, I’m going to head to practice early, okay?”

Hanbin looks up at him, concerned. But Junhwe knows Hanbin isn’t going to push him, and he’s grateful.

“Sure,” Hanbin says, “take your phone. We’ll all be there in an hour.”

Junhwe packs his practice bag and he just happens to walk past Jinhwan on the way to the door. He ignores him and goes straight to struggling into his shoes.

“Where are you going?”

Jinhwan says it casually, genuinely curious. But it still surprises Junhwe.

“Practice,” he answers blandly. He does a few jumps in his sneakers before tying the laces.

If Jinhwan planned to go anywhere with that attempt at conversation, he fails miserably. Junhwe purposefully takes longer than usual tying his shoelaces, yet by the time he’s out the door and in the elevator, Jinhwan hadn’t said anything, or chased after him. Unless of course, he was just genuinely wondering where Junhwe was leaving for at 6am in the morning. Now that Junhwe knows that Jinhwan was non-dating him out of pity, who knows how much of the relationship was actually there, and what was just him projecting.

There’s something Junhwe has noticed, something he’s sure Jinhwan has noticed, but not something he’s sure Jinhwan has noticed him noticing.

Jinhwan is always paranoid that someone is going to stumble in on them and figure out their dirty little secret. Sometimes, Junhwe can’t predict when, Jinhwan feels braver and he’ll pull Junhwe away from where the group was gathered and into an isolated corner, where he would kiss the daylights out of him like he was quenching his thirst for the week. For the most part though, it’s always Junhwe initiating it, the success of which depends on how anxious Jinhwan is or isn’t at that particular moment.

Which leads into the thing Junhwe’s been noticing. He doesn’t want to make any unfounded assumptions, but Jinhwan’s levels of anxiety and paranoia are, at the very least, strongly correlated to whatever member is most likely to run into them at any time. For example, if it’s Yunhyeong or Bobby sitting at the table with them, Jinhwan has no problem sliding a foot up Junhwe’s leg just to see him flail and embarrass himself. Also has no problem making up some excuse about throwing the trash out together with Junhwe. Also has no problem letting Junhwe push him against the wall once they’re in the elevator and opening his mouth to--

Anyway.

If it’s Donghyuk or Chanwoo nearby, Jinhwan isn’t nearly as reckless. However, once they’re both out of sight, he yields easily to Junhwe’s advances, and it only takes a few minutes before he starts to kiss back with equal or possibly more fervour.

Regardless, whenever they’re almost caught by any of the previously mentioned four members, Jinhwan’s panic turns him into a stone cold statue. Junhwe knows not to push him, and Jinhwan is more than able to regain his own composure. He doesn’t let Junhwe make any moves on him for the rest of the day, but he still offers him gentle and subtle affection throughout in order to compensate. Junhwe can live with that, sometimes he likes it more than the kissing.

Here’s the clincher though. If Hanbin is somewhere close-at-hand -- and Jinhwan can always tell if he is through some weird sixth sense -- then there’s a four centimetre distance between Jinhwan and Junhwe at all times. Even things Jinhwan would do freely before, like sling an arm around Junhwe while they were sitting, or lean into his space when they were talking, was suddenly too much of a clue for him to risk.

Junhwe isn’t a jealous person. Not anymore than most people, anyway. He gets that Jinhwan, Hanbin, and Bobby were like the Three Musketeers. The Three Little Pigs. YG’s Angels. Whatever. It’s not something he wants to broach, and he’s more than fine giving Jinhwan that space. Sure, sometimes he feels a bit possessive whenever Bobby announces that he loves Jinhwan the most. And it does bother him when Hanbin wraps his arms around Jinhwan’s waist and rests his head on his shoulders like it’s a reflex -- largely because Junhwe could never do that in public without Jinhwan having a stroke.

So it isn’t really jealousy he feels. It’s more like… unimportance. Which frankly, sucks twice as much. Junhwe doesn’t like feeling unimportant, especially when he works so hard to to be indispensable.

He’s not the type to make his worries other people’s problem, especially when they’re as petty as this. So he brings it up in the most ambiguous way he knows how, and hopes Jinhwan picks up on it like he usually does. Hanbin is pulling one of his overnighters at the studio with Bobby, so Junhwe has the room all to himself.

Him and Jinhwan spend so much time in dark corners and enclosed spaces, that he feels guilty about interrupting when they finally have the luxury of an actual bed. Especially when he has his fingers wrapped in Jinhwan’s hair while Jinhwan sucks on his collar bone -- right where he knows it won’t leave a visible mark.

“Hey,” Junhwe breathes, struggling. Jinhwan makes a noncommittal sound which he can feel through his skin and-- focus Junhwe. Focus. “If me and Hanbin Hyung were on a sinking boat, who would you save?”

“You,” Jinhwan answers easily, moving up so his hands are braced next to Junhwe’s head. He gives Junhwe a lopsided grin. “You can’t swim, also Bobby would save Hanbin.”

Junhwe loosens the grip he has around Jinhwan and shifts so he’s almost sitting up. “What if I could swim and Bobby wasn’t there?”

Jinhwan leans back. “What are you talking about?” he asks. Before he can say more he freezes. Junhwe is worried and about to ask if he’s okay when suddenly Jinhwan is scrambling up from the bed. He grabs his shirt from the chair and quickly puts it on, and checks his hair in the mirror, fixing it so it looks less debauched.

“Hyung are you--”

Jinhwan leans over him, doesn’t give him a peck on the cheek, but grabs the bracelet he’d taken off and slips it over his wrist.

“We’ll talk later, okay?” Jinhwan promises, turning the lights off and running out of the room. Junhwe is left befuddled and abandoned, until he hears the front door opening.

When Hanbin and Bobby stumble in, sleepy and clumsy, Junhwe is under his blankets and pretending to be asleep. Bobby climbs into his bed and collapses straight away, but Hanbin makes a detour for Junhwe and punches him on the shoulder.

“I know you’re not asleep brat,” he says it teasingly, but Junhwe doesn’t respond and squeezes his eyes tighter. “Next time you stay up late, I’m bringing you to the studio with us so you do something with your time.”

“Again,” Hanbin says, skipping to the beginning of the track.

Junhwe’s been held back after practice. Although he’s almost drained of energy, and his muscles feel like they’re going to melt, he doesn’t ask Hanbin to cut him some slack. If anything, Junhwe probably deserves this. He hadn’t even noticed he’d been slow during the choreography. Only figuring out he was a beat delayed because Bobby had ended up tripping on the floor instead of landing on Junhwe’s back as was planned.

The thing about having one of the most significant relationships of your life fall apart and trying to cope, is that it’s exhausting. He has to consciously make sure he’s not thinking about it, which just makes him think about it more, so then he has to think about something completely left field like that Fox song that went viral two years ago. Unfortunately if Junhwe does something long enough, it becomes a habit. He knew he wasn't one hundred percent present during tediously long car rides and even more tedious and long conversations with Donghyuk, but he didn't think it'd extend to his performance. Junhwe doesn’t make mistakes often, which is why Hanbin is only being thirty percent ruthless.

Once Hanbin is satisfied, he turns off the mp3 player, and Junhwe falls onto the floor in a heap. He’s pretty sure he’s dead, like yeah his brain might be working, but he feels like a vegetable. A vegetable that’s been run over by a bus. Cool liquid trickles across his face and neck and into his shirt, and he makes a half-hearted attempt to kick Hanbin away.

“Whatever it is, can you make sure you fix it by tomorrow?” Hanbin asks, tipping the entire water bottle onto Junhwe’s face, who’s too tired to do anything but calmly accept it like an offering.

“Today,” Junhwe corrects, panting. “You mean today. It’s like 4am.”

“I mean tomorrow. I’m going to be nice to you until midnight today,” Hanbin says.

Even after Hanbin leaves, Junhwe can’t bring himself to get off the floor. It’s kind of nice here. The wood is cool against his skin, the practice room is uncluttered and silent, and there’s a charm to finally literally living out what he’s already been metaphorically doing anyway.

The door clicks open again and Junhwe groans, pressing the heels of his palm against his eyes. “I’m going, I’m going. I told you to leave without me.”

“Ha. Not a chance.”

Junhwe is embarrassed to admit that he's been hearing that voice in his dreams regularly recently, and he doesn’t know whether to laugh in relief or cry. So instead he pushes himself upright wincing, and drags his feet to where his bag was resting on the bench.

“Are you okay?” Jinhwan asks.

Junhwe stretches his arms above his head, biting his lips at the soreness. “Yeah I’m fine. We’ve been through worse.”

“No, I mean, just. Are you okay in general?”

Junhwe turns around so fast he almost gets whiplash. It’s a bad idea because he’s still tired, and it’s like static just erupted in his brain. He grits through the pain and bites out: “I’m perfectly fine. I don’t need you to pity fuck me, okay?”

He still feels a bit light-headed, so he doesn’t see it coming when Jinhwan pushes him, causing the back of his knees to hit the bench.

“I never pity fucked you,” Jinhwan says, glaring up at him.

“Pity make out then, I’m sorry. I said it for effect. Either way I don’t want it and I don’t need it.” He tries to push his way past Jinhwan, but he’s knocked back again and has to place a hand against the wall to keep his balance. "Shit," he says, squinting his eyes, willing some strength to come back to his brain

Jinhwan takes a step back, the fire in his voice extinguishing to make way for worry when he says: “Junhwe, what’s wrong?”

Junwhe still feels a little faint, but his head is becoming less muzzy as long as he doesn’t get too riled up. “I’m fine, just a bit tired.”

Jinhwan reaches up to cradle Junhwe’s head with both hands, his thumbs rubbing small circles onto his forehead, making Junhwe drowsy. “Did you drink enough water?”

“Yeah,” Junhwe says softly, all the fight seeping out of him. “I just moved too fast.” He berates himself for wanting to bury his head in Jinhwan’s shoulders.

Jinhwan looks up at Junhwe, and he definitely isn’t angry anymore. He’s looking at him with a familiar warmth, except it’s a little different this time. A little bit more desperate. Junhwe knows that objectively, it’s a bad idea, at the very least the timing is completely off. But he’s weary down to his bones, and he needs some kind of solace. He leans forward, wraps his arms around Jinhwan’s waist, and kisses him. Jinhwan responds fluidly, one hand still on Junhwe’s head, the other moving down to snake around his back.

"I'm sorry," Jinhwan says, fingers playing with the hair on Junhwe’s nape. "You aren't a risk." He quickly pecks Junhwe on the lips, possibly to tide him over during what’s looking to be an unnecessarily sentimental speech. "I’m not going to lie, I wasn’t, and still not completely sure about our setup. But I didn't mean any of that stuff about you, even though everything would be a lot easier if I did. I care about you a lot Junhwe, I think about you a lot too. If it isn't obvious."

It’s a testament to how much Jinhwan has affected Junhwe’s emotional maturity that he doesn’t gag and instead keeps on trailing his hands up Jinhwan’s sides. Or maybe it’s a testament to his hormones. Who cares. Kissing Jinhwan is awesome and Junhwe is a moron for doing anything that could take this away from him. He sincerely repents for his crimes. Never again.

“Hey, Hanbin Hyung says Junhwe better be dead or else-- Oh my God!”

Kim. Fucking. Dong. Hyuk.

“This isn’t what it looks like,” Jinhwan insists, elbowing Junhwe in the stomach.

“Yeah I was just giving Jinhwan Hyung a tongue massage. Want one?” Junhwe sticks his tongue out at Donghyuk, and Jinhwan groans.

“You- this isn’t something you can do. Don’t we have a dating ban? Wait, is there a loophole in it somewhere? No way, I read the contract over like ten times. I would have noticed.”

At the mention of a dating ban Jinhwan stiffens in Junhwe’s arms, and Junhwe can already feel the guilt complex and self-blame turning. Ready to ruin Junhwe’s life once again.

“Donghyuk you fucking nerd, shut up,” Junhwe says. Jinhwan glares at him, is probably going to talk to him about it later, but at least he doesn’t look like he’s about to turn himself into the police or something.

“Excuse me,” Donghyuk says, “Hyung, it doesn’t matter what Junhwe says he has on you. You don’t need to do this.”

"You wouldn't be saying that if you knew what I had on you--"

"Okay, stop." Jinhwan lifts one hand up in the air, the other massaging his temples. "Junhwe doesn't have anything on me but right now you do Donghyuk so..." He lets out a long exhale. "Don't... tell anyone?"

Junhwe furrows his eyebrows and bends down to get a closer look at Jinhwan's face. "Huh?" he says. Jinhwan pushes him away by the cheek.

"Please, I know you probably should, I wouldn't blame you if you did. But just, please don't tell anybody."

From Donghyuk's face, Junhwe can't imagine the internal battle that must be going through his head. It’s not like Donghyuk is inherently a snitch, but he definitely has a loyalty and hero worship thing going on with Hanbin (Junhwe doesn’t completely understand) and Bobby (Junhwe has no clue). In the end however, Donghyuk’s empathy, good consciousness, and general affection for Jinhwan (and possible minimal affection for Junhwe) seem to win out, and he let's out a strangled "Fine.”

If Jinhwan is relieved he doesn’t show it. Instead he smiles thankfully. "Thanks Donghyuk. We'll be out in a minute."

"Okay," Donghyuk nods. He moves to leave before pausing, and quickly turns back to add: "Oh and don't worry. I especially won't tell Hanbin Hyung."

Jinhwan's voice is significantly smaller when he strains another smile and says "Thanks."

Well, that’s two steps forward, and about fifty steps back for Junhwe.

When Jinhwan turns his attention back to him, Junhwe is prepared. He has an entire speech ready starting with “Fuck fucking Donghyuk”, and ending with “No seriously, fuck Donghyuk.” Jinhwan looks almost as dog-tired as Junhwe though, so he decides to put off his well thought out disquisition for the time being.

“We can talk about this later,’ Jinhwan says. Oddly, even though Junhwe hates talking about important things, he feels a little disappointed. Jinhwan takes notice, and captures Junhwe’s hand in his own, intertwining their fingers together. “Come on, go change into some clean clothes.”

They don’t talk about it later. Well they do, but they might as well not have. It’s like Jinhwan just pressed the ‘reset’ button and they were back to Stage 1. Sure if Junhwe was being optimistic he could see it as a fresh start, but if he was being honest then it was more like negative progress. If Junhwe realises this, then Jinhwan definitely has. But it’s almost as if Jinhwan was biding his time until something else.

It isn’t as if Junhwe is upset or anything. After all, no condition in which he has the privilege of kissing and touching Jinhwan could make him upset. Except for the last time he had that privilege. That had definitely lead to a fair amount of dejection.

Junhwe never learns.

To make matters more frustrating, Donghyuk had somehow found out that Yunhyeong was also in on the situation, and Junhwe knows they discuss it on a regular basis. Jinhwan knows too, but he’s a lot more disregarding of it and says that as long as neither of them tell anyone else, he’s happy that they’re getting closer. Which, great. Awesome. Junhwe is so glad he and his personal woes could be of service. He will admit though, it’s pretty nice that Jinhwan doesn’t shy away or hesitate to kiss Junhwe on the cheek whenever it’s just Donghyuk or Yunhyeong with them. That’s more than enough reason for Junhwe to want to keep them both around.

Whatever Jinhwan was waiting for, he seems to have found it by the time him and Junhwe have comfortably eased into their old pattern of hiding, kissing, and then frantically looking around to make sure no one had stumbled across them. Jinhwan enters his room one evening, and Junhwe gets up from his bed to usher him out because Bobby and Hanbin were right in the living room.

Jinhwan waves him off and makes Junhwe sit back down again. “I just want to talk,” Jinhwan says, taking a seat on the swivel chair.

Junhwe scoots to the edge of the bed, bends forward so his elbows were resting on his bare knees. “About?”

“You were upset at me because you think I’m more concerned about Hanbin’s feeling than yours, right?”

“No,” Junhwe retorts. Until it sinks in that yes, that’s exactly how he feels, and it’s just strange to hear it out loud, no frills attached, and from Jinhwan of all people. “Wait, I mean. Yes. Not just that, although that was definitely the root of many problems.”

Jinhwan nods. “Yeah, I thought so.”

“So… do you?”

Jinhwan smiles, and it’s bittersweet. “No, or at least I wouldn’t put it like that. Though I was definitely a lot more concerned about unsettling Hanbin than I was about the dating ban, or anyone else finding out.”

Junhwe snorts. “Yeah, I figured.”

“It’s just that, things unnerve him easily. He can deal with new members, abrupt changes in the set list, making choreography, and all that. He’s a little less adept in regards to,” Jinhwan raps a fist against his chest, “emotional pressure.”

Junhwe nods. “He’s fucking terrible. So… I mean, are you going to do anything about it?”

Jinhwan shrugs. “I don't know yet. I don’t know what there is to do. I just wanted to let you know that whatever reservations I have about this relationship, and keeping it a secret, it’s separate from how I feel about you specifically. I would be acting the same way, probably worse, if you were Bobby. Not that I would ever want to go out with Bobby,” he adds at Junhwe’s -- it’s not a pout -- face of displeasure.

Jinhwan’s recent track record with Junhwe hasn’t shown it, but in general, he knows the right thing to say. Junhwe isn’t jumping over the moon or anything, but he feels properly mollified. Hopeful like he hasn’t been since the first time Jinhwan kissed him. “Okay,” he says.

Jinhwan grins at him. “Great.” He gets up from the chair and stands in front of Junhwe, leaning down to gift him a kiss. There’s no tongue, just a simple press of lips, but it feels meaningful.

“Whoa! Come on, is that the best you’ve got?” There’s applause, and Junhwe pushes Jinhwan away quickly, and why does he never lock that door.

Hanbin and Bobby stand in the doorway, a masked and overly amused expression on their faces respectively. Bobby was still applauding, bowing his head in a show of respect. “I doubted you Junhwe, but you’ve done what me, a simple man, could not. Get Jinhwan to mack me on a day that wasn’t my birthday.”

“Bobby,” Jinhwan says warningly.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Seriously though, this is so interesting. Junhwe how did you endure intimate human contact for more than ten seconds for all,” Bobby waves his hands around gesturing at who knows what “this to come to fruition.”

“That’s a fair question,” Hanbin adds. The first thing he’s said this entire conversation.

Usually Junhwe would have a quick quip on his tongue, but he’s occupied with watching Jinhwan’s reaction. Junhwe didn’t know what he expected if it ever actually came down to this, but he knows that thinking about any possible course of action Jinhwan might take made his stomach clench. But Jinhwan seems… passive almost. He had looked insurmountably guilty when he first noticed Hanbin and Bobby in the room, but after a few seconds it was like he finally understood something, and from then on he just seemed very mildly irritated. In fact he hardly spares Hanbin a glance, even though Junhwe would have thought the first things out of Jinhwan’s mouth would be an attempt to placate him.

“I’m going to bed,” Jinhwan says, clasping Junhwe’s shoulder and squeezing. “Don’t tell them anything, no matter what they try and do to you.”

“Hey! That’s unfair, I want to know the secret to Junhwe’s heart too!” Bobby protests. Jinhwan ignores him, flicking him on the forehead and strolling out of the room.

When Bobby goes to the bathroom to freshen up -- all of his attempts to harass a reaction out of Junhwe failing miserably -- Junhwe turns to face Hanbin who was seated at the desk, clicking through potential lyrics on his laptop.

“Are you angry at us?” Junhwe asks.

Hanbin blinks, takes a second to think about it, before replying. “No. Not really. I mean, as long as it doesn’t ruin your ability to perform and listen to me unquestioningly.”

Junhwe raises an eyebrow. “Really? Because you didn’t say a word when you walked in on us earlier.”

Hanbin folds his legs up on the seat. “Yeah, but, what was I meant to say? I was just taken aback. What, did you expect me to throw a fit or something?”

“I didn’t. Jinhwan Hyung did.”

Hanbin looks genuinely surprised, uncrossing his legs and moving the chair closer to Junhwe’s bed. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. Probably because you close everybody out and immediately evacuate the premise every time you’re under emotional stress,” Junhwe says pointedly. Hanbin smiles sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck.

“Okay, I won’t lie. When I first found out I did run away to some random park to come to terms with it. But ultimately it wasn’t really a big deal. I’m fine with--”

“Wait wait wait, back up. What did you say?” Junhwe is up on all fours now, jaw hanging open unattractively.

Hanbin looks at Junhwe, uncertain. Until he finally registers what he just said, and proceeds to open and close his mouth in some silent deliberation. “I may have… already known. Which is why I wasn’t surprised when I walked in on you two tonight. I mean, I never expected to actually see it but--”

“You knew,” Junhwe squeaks. “Why didn’t you tell us!”

Hanbin looks affronted. “Why didn’t you guys tell me? I just figured Jinhwan Hyung didn’t want anyone to know, so I kept it to myself.”

“Wait, when did you find out? How did you find out?” Jinhwan had been nothing if not vigilant in making sure Hanbin didn’t get a trace of what was really going on, until the slip up tonight. Which, in hindsight, was almost too careless compared to Jinhwan’s usual mindfulness.

“Uh…” Hanbin hesitates. “Chanwoo caught you guys acting weird in the practice room once, and he just told me he thought you two might have something going on. I brushed it off at first, but once you actually know to look for it, Jinhwan was being really obvious that he was trying to not be obvious. Plus, I've known for a while that he likes you…” Hanbin shrugs.

Fucking Chanwoo. Why was he added into the group, except for the soul purpose of becoming Hanbin’s minion and invalidating everything Junhwe had been through in the last few months. He remembers Chanwoo walking in on them, it happened fairly early on. Which means Hanbin has known for more than half the time Junhwe and Jinhwan had been trying to keep it a secret. All the angst, all the regret and misery. It had all been for nothing. Junhwe lets a string of curse words leave his mouth.

“Dude are you okay? Do I need to call a doctor?”

“Do you know how much anguish you put me through? Anguish that could have been easily avoided if you had just told Jinhwan the way you tell him virtually everything else.” Junhwe pulls his pillow over his ears, wanting this nightmare to be over.

“Hey! I wanted to respect Hyung’s privacy!” Junhwe snorts and continues to swear under his breath. “Look, I’ll make it up to you.”

“Unless you’re buying me Michael Jackson’s entire discography, I’m not interested.”

Hanbin leans back onto the chair smugly, folding his arms behind his head. “I know how your terrible brain works. You’ll definitely be interested.”

“Hey Chanwoo, can you buy me some sashimi? From that nice restaurant we went to in the afternoon.” Junhwe is sprawled idly on his hotel bed, an assortment of snacks spread out on the mattress, his iPad resting on his chest, and Chanwoo’s brand new headphones hanging around his neck.

Chanwoo groans. “Hyung please. It’s almost midnight, it’s freezing outside, and that restuarant is a fifteen minute walk away.”

“But I’m hungry! My cravings are very specific.”

Chanwoo gestures to the many empty takeaway boxes and plastic packaging next to Junhwe’s feet. “I bought all of that for you. How are you still hungry? How can you still move?”

“I’m tall okay, I have a really fast metabolism. Also I can’t move, which is why I’m asking you to buy it for me.” Junhwe slides down further along the bed, spreading his legs apart in an even lazier position.

“No,” Chanwoo says firmly. “You can’t do this. I’m being manipulated.”

Junhwe puts his iPad down next to him. He closes his eyes, breathing in through his nose, before turning to Chanwoo apologetically. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I never meant to do that. I’ll just find another way to distract myself from the hunger.”

Junhwe swings himself off his bed, jumping onto Jinhwan’s adjacent one. Jinhwan lets out a long sigh of resignation, but lets Junhwe climb on top of him and press him down onto the mattress.

“Okay! Okay I’m going! Can you two stop doing that? I’m sorry!” Chanwoo grabs his wallet and stumbles out the door, slamming it shut harder than necessary.

Jinhwan pulls one leg up to his stomach, and uses his feet to push Junhwe away by the chest. “Hey!” Junhwe says.

“This is going to stop after this, alright?” Jinhwan says. “We’re beyond hazing now.”

“You definitely weren’t complaining when you made him get you that USB cable.”

"Only because you were making him run to that department store anyway!"

Junhwe grumbles, lying down so his head was resting underneath Jinhwan's chin.

"I'm actually rather impressed. I thought you hated PDA?"

Junhwe does, in fact, hate PDA. But this opportunity was too good to pass up. He had legitimately cackled when Hanbin handed the hotel keycard to him, Jinhwan and Chanwoo both sharing a nervous glance behind him. He may also be making up for lost time now that he has the blessing to kiss Jinhwan whenever he wants. Well, almost whenever. Only in front of the other members really, but he’s not cruel, he doesn’t want to scar anybody else.

He’s shaken out of his thoughts by Jinhwan suddenly flipping them over, and the feeling of Jinhwan’s lips on his own. Junhwe makes a small sound of surprise, but opens his mouth to let Jinhwan take the reigns. It’s heavy, but Jinhwan fingers were brushing the side of his head gently, and it feels careful.

When Jinhwan pulls back he’s panting heavily, mouth shining, and Junhwe probably looks like a doped up idiot. “What was that for?” he breathes out, heart pounding in his chest.

“I really really like you,” Jinhwan says easily, softly closing Junhwe’s mouth shut with his thumb. “A lot.”

a/n: I'M SORRY, holy SHIT i am never writing ikon fic again. i'm just relieved this two-months-in-the-making fic (most of which was spent blankly staring at the doc and rewatching m&m) is finally finished and out there in the world /collapses on the floor/. be free fic, be free and get outta my google drive.

please feel free to talk/yell at me about the characterisation. it's my first time writing for this fandom, and find ikon really difficult to write (especially junhwe and jinhwan, i know, very convenient). plus considering how shamelessly self-indulgent this is (you only get one chance, one shot), i'm almost certain it's off during some parts. considering half my writing process was "okay... they've been making googly eyes at each other for too long... should probably write plot now..."