(no subject)
I need to be studying. I need to be catching up so that I can be prepared for all the exams and quizzes ahead this week. But my cheeks are burning and my head is spinning, and my fingers have been itching to write for weeks now about everything, though there isn't much to tell.
First of all, the Slipknot concert. I know that I'm not going to do the experience justice because so much time has passed. But I still want to try.
So my family showed up to pick me up. I'd had a hectic day, so I didn't even think about the concert much as I got in the car. I brought the chocolates I had received earlier that day (more on that later) and passed them out to everyone in the car (J., Badgy's friend, didn't want one, so a few days later I finally caved and ate the leftover piece). Then we were off.
Badgy had apparently been a pain the entire ride, he kept saying we were late, even though the concert wasn't going to start until 7 and it wasn't yet even 6! He pestered everyone the entire way there, and when Dad missed a turn, he caught flak for that.
We finally made it. Dad dropped us off and gave me my requested tylenol, because with a headache already settled against my forehead, I knew this was going to be a long (and loud) evening.
Upon first inspection of the line, I immediately realized my mistake. Having rushed from school, I was still wearing my school clothes. With white and blue and green and grey, and the words "Service is our motto" printed across the front of my shirt, I easily stood out in this thread of black. Badgy protested that 'see? we should have arrived earlier, MUCH earlier'. I pointed out that this wasn't so bad, pointing behind us to the steadily growing line of people. Most of them were young (though not as young as my motley crew of concert-goers), with a few older people who dressed like they hadn't yet accepted their aging fate.
Some energy drink was advertising there, with free cans for people waiting in line. Benky said that he'd seen them before and that the idea was just to help get their name out there. Since I can't remember the name, I guess it didn't work very well in the end, haha. Benky got everyone a can of the stuff, excluding me (I didn't want any, in my experience energy drinks taste vile).
While we waited in line, a guy weaved through, offering shirts for sale. The guys had brought spending money, and while my mouth was pursed in disapproval, I made sure not to say anything. It was their call how they spent their money. Of course, after the show, the same people were selling the same shirts for half price, but whatever, the guys made their call and they and J. each got a shirt (J.'s ended up being far too big on her).
People throwing cans around, pissing in the bushes, just being generally loud and obnoxious, I was really beginning to feel that I'd envisioned this night exactly as it would turn out. Benky kept making his typical know-it-all comments, and even as I was sneering at the people in line, I was cringing in embarrassment at what my brother was saying. I've always hated how he declares things and makes bold loudly-voiced statements that seem completely embarrassing or out-of-place or arrogant (like when I was young and he told everyone I wanted to be an animator. When I exclaimed "No I don't!", he retorted "Yes you do" as if he was really right in an argument about my dreams and aspirations).
Anyway, we finally got in. Some guy high fived J., and I kept an eye on her from there on. I might've been there to be the older one in the group and to make sure my brothers were okay, but honestly, I ended up watching out for J. the most.
Until we arrived at the Coliseum, I had forgotten that I'd been there once before, in high school, with Indie. This time, the floor was cleared out, with no seats there and seats on either side of the stage still there. The guys wanted to stand, so I silently apologized to my feet in advance, and we picked a spot on the floor, twenty minutes before the show was set to start, and waited.
The show, to my surprise, actually started on time. The first opening band was Trivium. I actually found that as a concert experience, they were pretty good, though I felt like marshmallows had been shoved into my ears. They were super loud and not necessarily something I would listen to on a day-to-day basis, but there was a hint of an actual voice if you struggled to listen past the angry loud bass and drums.
The next band was Coheed and Cambria. I'd been looking forward to their part of the show, since I actually knew one of their songs, but actually, it was the most disappointing part of the whole night. Not that they performed badly, actually I was really impressed how similar the guy's voice was to the way it sounded on Rock Band. Just somehow, their music didn't suit the vibe of the place. Where there had been shoving and jumping and fist pumping during Trivium's segment, none of these actions seemed to match C&C's performance. There was some crowd surfing, and it was clear that people really DID like the music, it just wasn't meant for a concert environment such as this one. They were the ones I'd be most comfortable listening to on my i-Pod, I thought, but they were not right for this sort of concert.
After C&C left, there was a loooong pause before Slipknot. It was obvious why, once we saw the set later, they had a really complex set to arrange. We stood there for a long while, then finally we moved to seats on the right side of the stage. It was Benky and Badgy's call, but I was super grateful all the same. I hadn't said anything, but my legs felt ready to die. Besides, once we were seated, there were no more creepy offers to J. by older men (one guy offered to put her on his shoulders so she could see better).
We only sat between songs, really. I stood when the other guys stood. Reluctantly at first, but more and more willingly as time went on, until I barely noticed the ache in my feet. Here's why:
Slipknot. was. amazing.
I'd been dreading their part of the show the whole time. Looking at their photos online, I'd felt that weird fluttery feeling I get in my stomach when looking at really gross Halloween masks. It's this not-quite-nauseous-but-more-than-a-little-uncomfortable kind of feeling. The little bit of their music I'd sampled hadn't helped assuage my fears any. They had roars. If you know anything about my taste in music, you know I hate anything like screaming or roaring, where it sounds to me like an audible shredding of someone's vocal cords, slowly slowly.
But wow. From the moment the band got on stage, they owned it. They owned the stage and they had the complete attention of every person at that concert. Of course, I confess, I was still doing my little anthropologist thing and was studying everyone semi-intently the entire time.
Here are some of the observations I made:
-Badgy really loves Slipknot. It's easy for me to slip into an older-person mode these days and think that yeah, Badgy listens to loud angry music because it pisses off the parents a bit. It's one of those things that might've been fun in itself, but becomes truly pleasurable because it makes parents uncomfortable. I'd tried not to look at his music taste that way, but unknowingly, I'd allowed myself to think that way, just a little bit. This concert showed me otherwise. With the other two bands, he'd clearly been listening and enjoying himself, but he'd just stood there. Absolutely motionless, there was very little evident reaction to the music. When Slipknot performed, however, a grin lit up his face and he actually nodded his head with the music. It was absolutely adorable, and I was overjoyed to see him enjoying himself.
-Benky is a rockin' cool kid. Sure, he's a teenager with all the anger and awkwardness that teenager-dom implies (look at me, sounding all old and not anywhere near adolescence! Bah! ;_;), but he's also incredibly forward and brave. So we're at this concert, full of people I know are the kids I admired most during my high school years. And Benky clearly is also trying to figure out what it is to be 'cool' at his age. But here, he just really let go. Where I would have stood awkwardly were I in his place (heck, that's what I actually did in MY place at the show!), he was moving and nodding his head and pumping his fist for all he was worth. It was intense and it was powerful, and it was just so fucking cool. Rather than worrying about how it looked, he was doing what everyone else was doing. And rather than looking like a copycat or a wannabe, he just looked cool. I was really proud of him that night.
-Even though I keep talking about how old I felt there, it's interesting that the part of me that most related to the music was my younger, teenage self. It was the angry, confused, awkwardness in me that was connecting to the music and the atmosphere. This wasn't hammock music, this was music you listen to when you're late to work. As you're walking purposefully, you're thinking about all the people you're disappointing, and since you'll just feel guilty later, you're taking the chance during this walk to say 'Fuck 'em' as your angry music plays loudly in your ears. That's the kind of classification I'd give this music, since I don't do genres, only moments where I can really connect to the song's message to me.
-Slipknot's music wasn't as bad as I thought. When I got home, I listened to the i-Pod shuffle I'm borrowing from the family. Even though Dad was the last one to own it, and Meesh before him, it still had Badgy's music on it. That was clear, because the first song to play was a Slipknot song- one that had actually been played at the concert, in fact. And, go figure, they actually have some music I like. Badgy's taste in Slipknot matches mine rather well, actually, because the types of music on his i-Pod are exactly what I'd've looked for anyway. So yeah, even this point of judgment in my developing taste in music is no longer easily backed. I may never know what exactly I like/dislike in music.
-Slipknot gave me the feeling that I could almost understand religion. Bear with me here, it makes sense, I promise. Watching the audience at this concert was like watching a captivated crowd in a church. Everyone's attention was directed at this one focal point on stage, this voice that seemed to speak to all of us. Even though the singer only told one story, the band's story, it touched all of us. We could all feel him speaking to us, encouraging us to hang in there (though the fact that he called us "motherfuckers" repeatedly in the process made me giggle). Like a religious speaker, he easily had everyone's attention and you could really see his words reaching people's hearts. Not in a sappy way, in a powerful, charismatic way. And the feeling of unity to it, this sense that while he spoke to each of us personally, we all shared that experience together, was incredible. It was really moving. It made me understand a little bit more why people like being in large crowds and how one person/idea/religion can voice the fears of many.
-At a concert, no one is looking at you. This is probably part of the attraction of the whole experience. While you're standing there in the dark with all these other people who're just savoring this moment, none of them are watching you. They're feeling something for themself and they're watching the people onstage who're bringing these feelings to life. So with everyone's gaze trained on this stage, in this dark room, you are more liberated than at any other point in your life. You dance, you move, you sing, you scream, you FEEL. And no one's watching you or judging you. When you walk down the street, there are people passing by all the time, and it's not safe to just let go. You can't feel really free there, because someone will always be watching you to see what you do. At a concert, no one's eyes are on you, and that's a great comfort that I hadn't realized the value of until I saw people living it before my eyes. (Admittedly, I was doing a lot of staring. I turned away from the stage to watch other people, to watch my brothers; I was probably a rather bad concert goer. And yet, by the end of it, I had definitely let go in my own way).
So, that was the concert. An amazing experience, and one that I wouldn't have known the value of had I not gone. It wouldn't have been as great without my brothers there, and that made it a bonding experience on top of everything else.
Speaking of bonding, I also recently went to one of Benky's hockey games. It didn't go very well, but I took pictures as best I could (Dad was busy keeping score), and I cheered when I thought was the right time to do so. I also got hit by a hockey stick (not hard), so I had proof that I'd really been 'at the game'. ^^ No bruises, but lots of concern from coaches and parents standing around me. It was fun, and a worthwhile reason to wake up at 5:30 in the morning on a Sunday.
What other little tales have I not had time to document?
I solved a moral dilemma a few weeks back. I'm doing school counseling now, we'll see how that goes. I got a B+ on a paper I actually worked hard on (as opposed to the paper I slacked on and also got a B+ on), so that was kind of a bummer. I'll have to work harder in that class to get the A I want, I suppose.
Oh yeah, the chocolate I mentioned earlier! It came from someone who was grateful for the notes I made them when they missed class? It was kind of awkward, so that's why I didn't want to eat them myself. It felt kind of strange. I still have the Starbucks gift card and the movie tickets that came with the chocolate, I gave the Applebee's gift cards to my roommate.
Um, as much as I'd love to keep talking and thinking as I talk, this week is fast approaching and I'm not the least bit ready for it. >.<
I hope everyone's been doing well. Later, all *waves*
PS- One week until March!!!!
First of all, the Slipknot concert. I know that I'm not going to do the experience justice because so much time has passed. But I still want to try.
So my family showed up to pick me up. I'd had a hectic day, so I didn't even think about the concert much as I got in the car. I brought the chocolates I had received earlier that day (more on that later) and passed them out to everyone in the car (J., Badgy's friend, didn't want one, so a few days later I finally caved and ate the leftover piece). Then we were off.
Badgy had apparently been a pain the entire ride, he kept saying we were late, even though the concert wasn't going to start until 7 and it wasn't yet even 6! He pestered everyone the entire way there, and when Dad missed a turn, he caught flak for that.
We finally made it. Dad dropped us off and gave me my requested tylenol, because with a headache already settled against my forehead, I knew this was going to be a long (and loud) evening.
Upon first inspection of the line, I immediately realized my mistake. Having rushed from school, I was still wearing my school clothes. With white and blue and green and grey, and the words "Service is our motto" printed across the front of my shirt, I easily stood out in this thread of black. Badgy protested that 'see? we should have arrived earlier, MUCH earlier'. I pointed out that this wasn't so bad, pointing behind us to the steadily growing line of people. Most of them were young (though not as young as my motley crew of concert-goers), with a few older people who dressed like they hadn't yet accepted their aging fate.
Some energy drink was advertising there, with free cans for people waiting in line. Benky said that he'd seen them before and that the idea was just to help get their name out there. Since I can't remember the name, I guess it didn't work very well in the end, haha. Benky got everyone a can of the stuff, excluding me (I didn't want any, in my experience energy drinks taste vile).
While we waited in line, a guy weaved through, offering shirts for sale. The guys had brought spending money, and while my mouth was pursed in disapproval, I made sure not to say anything. It was their call how they spent their money. Of course, after the show, the same people were selling the same shirts for half price, but whatever, the guys made their call and they and J. each got a shirt (J.'s ended up being far too big on her).
People throwing cans around, pissing in the bushes, just being generally loud and obnoxious, I was really beginning to feel that I'd envisioned this night exactly as it would turn out. Benky kept making his typical know-it-all comments, and even as I was sneering at the people in line, I was cringing in embarrassment at what my brother was saying. I've always hated how he declares things and makes bold loudly-voiced statements that seem completely embarrassing or out-of-place or arrogant (like when I was young and he told everyone I wanted to be an animator. When I exclaimed "No I don't!", he retorted "Yes you do" as if he was really right in an argument about my dreams and aspirations).
Anyway, we finally got in. Some guy high fived J., and I kept an eye on her from there on. I might've been there to be the older one in the group and to make sure my brothers were okay, but honestly, I ended up watching out for J. the most.
Until we arrived at the Coliseum, I had forgotten that I'd been there once before, in high school, with Indie. This time, the floor was cleared out, with no seats there and seats on either side of the stage still there. The guys wanted to stand, so I silently apologized to my feet in advance, and we picked a spot on the floor, twenty minutes before the show was set to start, and waited.
The show, to my surprise, actually started on time. The first opening band was Trivium. I actually found that as a concert experience, they were pretty good, though I felt like marshmallows had been shoved into my ears. They were super loud and not necessarily something I would listen to on a day-to-day basis, but there was a hint of an actual voice if you struggled to listen past the angry loud bass and drums.
The next band was Coheed and Cambria. I'd been looking forward to their part of the show, since I actually knew one of their songs, but actually, it was the most disappointing part of the whole night. Not that they performed badly, actually I was really impressed how similar the guy's voice was to the way it sounded on Rock Band. Just somehow, their music didn't suit the vibe of the place. Where there had been shoving and jumping and fist pumping during Trivium's segment, none of these actions seemed to match C&C's performance. There was some crowd surfing, and it was clear that people really DID like the music, it just wasn't meant for a concert environment such as this one. They were the ones I'd be most comfortable listening to on my i-Pod, I thought, but they were not right for this sort of concert.
After C&C left, there was a loooong pause before Slipknot. It was obvious why, once we saw the set later, they had a really complex set to arrange. We stood there for a long while, then finally we moved to seats on the right side of the stage. It was Benky and Badgy's call, but I was super grateful all the same. I hadn't said anything, but my legs felt ready to die. Besides, once we were seated, there were no more creepy offers to J. by older men (one guy offered to put her on his shoulders so she could see better).
We only sat between songs, really. I stood when the other guys stood. Reluctantly at first, but more and more willingly as time went on, until I barely noticed the ache in my feet. Here's why:
Slipknot. was. amazing.
I'd been dreading their part of the show the whole time. Looking at their photos online, I'd felt that weird fluttery feeling I get in my stomach when looking at really gross Halloween masks. It's this not-quite-nauseous-but-more-than-a-little-uncomfortable kind of feeling. The little bit of their music I'd sampled hadn't helped assuage my fears any. They had roars. If you know anything about my taste in music, you know I hate anything like screaming or roaring, where it sounds to me like an audible shredding of someone's vocal cords, slowly slowly.
But wow. From the moment the band got on stage, they owned it. They owned the stage and they had the complete attention of every person at that concert. Of course, I confess, I was still doing my little anthropologist thing and was studying everyone semi-intently the entire time.
Here are some of the observations I made:
-Badgy really loves Slipknot. It's easy for me to slip into an older-person mode these days and think that yeah, Badgy listens to loud angry music because it pisses off the parents a bit. It's one of those things that might've been fun in itself, but becomes truly pleasurable because it makes parents uncomfortable. I'd tried not to look at his music taste that way, but unknowingly, I'd allowed myself to think that way, just a little bit. This concert showed me otherwise. With the other two bands, he'd clearly been listening and enjoying himself, but he'd just stood there. Absolutely motionless, there was very little evident reaction to the music. When Slipknot performed, however, a grin lit up his face and he actually nodded his head with the music. It was absolutely adorable, and I was overjoyed to see him enjoying himself.
-Benky is a rockin' cool kid. Sure, he's a teenager with all the anger and awkwardness that teenager-dom implies (look at me, sounding all old and not anywhere near adolescence! Bah! ;_;), but he's also incredibly forward and brave. So we're at this concert, full of people I know are the kids I admired most during my high school years. And Benky clearly is also trying to figure out what it is to be 'cool' at his age. But here, he just really let go. Where I would have stood awkwardly were I in his place (heck, that's what I actually did in MY place at the show!), he was moving and nodding his head and pumping his fist for all he was worth. It was intense and it was powerful, and it was just so fucking cool. Rather than worrying about how it looked, he was doing what everyone else was doing. And rather than looking like a copycat or a wannabe, he just looked cool. I was really proud of him that night.
-Even though I keep talking about how old I felt there, it's interesting that the part of me that most related to the music was my younger, teenage self. It was the angry, confused, awkwardness in me that was connecting to the music and the atmosphere. This wasn't hammock music, this was music you listen to when you're late to work. As you're walking purposefully, you're thinking about all the people you're disappointing, and since you'll just feel guilty later, you're taking the chance during this walk to say 'Fuck 'em' as your angry music plays loudly in your ears. That's the kind of classification I'd give this music, since I don't do genres, only moments where I can really connect to the song's message to me.
-Slipknot's music wasn't as bad as I thought. When I got home, I listened to the i-Pod shuffle I'm borrowing from the family. Even though Dad was the last one to own it, and Meesh before him, it still had Badgy's music on it. That was clear, because the first song to play was a Slipknot song- one that had actually been played at the concert, in fact. And, go figure, they actually have some music I like. Badgy's taste in Slipknot matches mine rather well, actually, because the types of music on his i-Pod are exactly what I'd've looked for anyway. So yeah, even this point of judgment in my developing taste in music is no longer easily backed. I may never know what exactly I like/dislike in music.
-Slipknot gave me the feeling that I could almost understand religion. Bear with me here, it makes sense, I promise. Watching the audience at this concert was like watching a captivated crowd in a church. Everyone's attention was directed at this one focal point on stage, this voice that seemed to speak to all of us. Even though the singer only told one story, the band's story, it touched all of us. We could all feel him speaking to us, encouraging us to hang in there (though the fact that he called us "motherfuckers" repeatedly in the process made me giggle). Like a religious speaker, he easily had everyone's attention and you could really see his words reaching people's hearts. Not in a sappy way, in a powerful, charismatic way. And the feeling of unity to it, this sense that while he spoke to each of us personally, we all shared that experience together, was incredible. It was really moving. It made me understand a little bit more why people like being in large crowds and how one person/idea/religion can voice the fears of many.
-At a concert, no one is looking at you. This is probably part of the attraction of the whole experience. While you're standing there in the dark with all these other people who're just savoring this moment, none of them are watching you. They're feeling something for themself and they're watching the people onstage who're bringing these feelings to life. So with everyone's gaze trained on this stage, in this dark room, you are more liberated than at any other point in your life. You dance, you move, you sing, you scream, you FEEL. And no one's watching you or judging you. When you walk down the street, there are people passing by all the time, and it's not safe to just let go. You can't feel really free there, because someone will always be watching you to see what you do. At a concert, no one's eyes are on you, and that's a great comfort that I hadn't realized the value of until I saw people living it before my eyes. (Admittedly, I was doing a lot of staring. I turned away from the stage to watch other people, to watch my brothers; I was probably a rather bad concert goer. And yet, by the end of it, I had definitely let go in my own way).
So, that was the concert. An amazing experience, and one that I wouldn't have known the value of had I not gone. It wouldn't have been as great without my brothers there, and that made it a bonding experience on top of everything else.
Speaking of bonding, I also recently went to one of Benky's hockey games. It didn't go very well, but I took pictures as best I could (Dad was busy keeping score), and I cheered when I thought was the right time to do so. I also got hit by a hockey stick (not hard), so I had proof that I'd really been 'at the game'. ^^ No bruises, but lots of concern from coaches and parents standing around me. It was fun, and a worthwhile reason to wake up at 5:30 in the morning on a Sunday.
What other little tales have I not had time to document?
I solved a moral dilemma a few weeks back. I'm doing school counseling now, we'll see how that goes. I got a B+ on a paper I actually worked hard on (as opposed to the paper I slacked on and also got a B+ on), so that was kind of a bummer. I'll have to work harder in that class to get the A I want, I suppose.
Oh yeah, the chocolate I mentioned earlier! It came from someone who was grateful for the notes I made them when they missed class? It was kind of awkward, so that's why I didn't want to eat them myself. It felt kind of strange. I still have the Starbucks gift card and the movie tickets that came with the chocolate, I gave the Applebee's gift cards to my roommate.
Um, as much as I'd love to keep talking and thinking as I talk, this week is fast approaching and I'm not the least bit ready for it. >.<
I hope everyone's been doing well. Later, all *waves*
PS- One week until March!!!!