STOP THE MOTHER FUCKING PRESSES
HILLARY CLINTON TRIPPED
SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON (63) TRIPPED YESTERDAY WHILE BOARDING A PLANE. ANALYSTS ARE RUSHING TO DISCOVER THE CAUSE OF THIS INCIDENT.
WAS GRAVITY INVOLVED?
SCIENTISTS CONFIRM THAT THERE HAVE INDEED BEEN OCCURRENCES THROUGHOUT HISTORY OF GRAVITY (A FORCE WHICH PULLS OBJECTS TOWARDS THE EARTH) CAUSING THINGS THAT ARE UP TO GO DOWN.
WAS SHE INTOXICATED?
THERE ARE SPECULATIONS THAT SECRETARY CLINTON MAY HAVE BEEN RAVINGLY DRUNK AT THE TIME OF STUMBLANCE. BLOOD/ALCOHOL TESTS ARE BEING FORCED UPON HER AT THIS VERY MOMENT, IN THE INTERESTS OF THE NATION'S SAFETY
WAS IT AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT?
SECURITY FORCES ARE CURRENTLY ANALYZING THE VIDEO FOOTAGE TO DETERMINE THIS. ADDITIONALLY, THE STEPS THAT SENATOR CLINTON TRIPPED ON HAVE BEEN CONFISCATED BY THE F.B.I. AND ARE BEING TORTURED IN ORDER TO GAIN FURTHER INFORMATION. YOU HONESTLY CANNOT TRUST STAIRS. THEY WILL FUCK YOU.
COULD IT HAPPEN AGAIN?
HISTORIANS WORLDWIDE CONFIRM THAT PEOPLE HAVE, IN THE PAST, TRIPPED. ORDINARY GOD-FEARING PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. AS HORRIFYING AS IT IS TO THINK ABOUT, THIS VERY THING COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN ONCE. YOU. COULD. TRIP.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.
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That's my reaction to seeing the clip of Clinton tripping on the news. My first thought was 'Why'. No, not 'why did she trip?' but 'WHY ARE THEY SHOWING THIS?!' Seriously, WHY?! How on earth can you justify this as valid, important news? It's NOT. Do I need to know that she tripped? No. Is it in any way important? NO.
It would have been different if she tripped backwards and fell down the entire flight of stairs, breaking both wrists and giving herself a concussion. THAT would be news. But for fuck's sake! EVERYONE TRIPS. EVERYONE. Hell, I must have tripped three times today! I am so sick and tired of this bullshit ideal that every mundane little thing that a politician or celebrity does is automatically boosted to 'FRONT PAGE WORLDWIDE MUST-KNOW NEWS!!!' I. DON'T. CARE. NEITHER. SHOULD. YOU.
But someone cares. SOMEONE cares. Enough people care that she tripped that they won't mind watching it over and over again. They'll talk about it at work the next day. They'll shoot e-mails about it to each-other, and go to CNN.com to look up more information about it. The bullshit continues to feed itself. We seem so enthralled by every flaw and folly of these people. Why? We're no different than them. We trip. We stumble. We get drunk and yell stupid things. We make horrible decisions regarding who we sleep with. Just because the camera is on politicians and celebrities for things like interviews and seminars, does it mean the camera has to be on them for EVERYTHING ELSE AS WELL?! No. No, no, a thousand times no. It really does not. They have their own lives, their own secrets. They are no less human than we are. No less deserving of privacy and respect. As a nation we're so deathly afraid of The Man watching us and knowing everything about us. Then, how can we justify being so obsessed with saturating our minds with every facet of every detail of everything that happens in the lives of celebrities and politicians?
Disgusting.
SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY RODHAM CLINTON (63) TRIPPED YESTERDAY WHILE BOARDING A PLANE. ANALYSTS ARE RUSHING TO DISCOVER THE CAUSE OF THIS INCIDENT.
WAS GRAVITY INVOLVED?
SCIENTISTS CONFIRM THAT THERE HAVE INDEED BEEN OCCURRENCES THROUGHOUT HISTORY OF GRAVITY (A FORCE WHICH PULLS OBJECTS TOWARDS THE EARTH) CAUSING THINGS THAT ARE UP TO GO DOWN.
WAS SHE INTOXICATED?
THERE ARE SPECULATIONS THAT SECRETARY CLINTON MAY HAVE BEEN RAVINGLY DRUNK AT THE TIME OF STUMBLANCE. BLOOD/ALCOHOL TESTS ARE BEING FORCED UPON HER AT THIS VERY MOMENT, IN THE INTERESTS OF THE NATION'S SAFETY
WAS IT AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT?
SECURITY FORCES ARE CURRENTLY ANALYZING THE VIDEO FOOTAGE TO DETERMINE THIS. ADDITIONALLY, THE STEPS THAT SENATOR CLINTON TRIPPED ON HAVE BEEN CONFISCATED BY THE F.B.I. AND ARE BEING TORTURED IN ORDER TO GAIN FURTHER INFORMATION. YOU HONESTLY CANNOT TRUST STAIRS. THEY WILL FUCK YOU.
COULD IT HAPPEN AGAIN?
HISTORIANS WORLDWIDE CONFIRM THAT PEOPLE HAVE, IN THE PAST, TRIPPED. ORDINARY GOD-FEARING PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU AND ME. AS HORRIFYING AS IT IS TO THINK ABOUT, THIS VERY THING COULD HAPPEN TO YOU. MAYBE EVEN MORE THAN ONCE. YOU. COULD. TRIP.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM.
---
That's my reaction to seeing the clip of Clinton tripping on the news. My first thought was 'Why'. No, not 'why did she trip?' but 'WHY ARE THEY SHOWING THIS?!' Seriously, WHY?! How on earth can you justify this as valid, important news? It's NOT. Do I need to know that she tripped? No. Is it in any way important? NO.
It would have been different if she tripped backwards and fell down the entire flight of stairs, breaking both wrists and giving herself a concussion. THAT would be news. But for fuck's sake! EVERYONE TRIPS. EVERYONE. Hell, I must have tripped three times today! I am so sick and tired of this bullshit ideal that every mundane little thing that a politician or celebrity does is automatically boosted to 'FRONT PAGE WORLDWIDE MUST-KNOW NEWS!!!' I. DON'T. CARE. NEITHER. SHOULD. YOU.
But someone cares. SOMEONE cares. Enough people care that she tripped that they won't mind watching it over and over again. They'll talk about it at work the next day. They'll shoot e-mails about it to each-other, and go to CNN.com to look up more information about it. The bullshit continues to feed itself. We seem so enthralled by every flaw and folly of these people. Why? We're no different than them. We trip. We stumble. We get drunk and yell stupid things. We make horrible decisions regarding who we sleep with. Just because the camera is on politicians and celebrities for things like interviews and seminars, does it mean the camera has to be on them for EVERYTHING ELSE AS WELL?! No. No, no, a thousand times no. It really does not. They have their own lives, their own secrets. They are no less human than we are. No less deserving of privacy and respect. As a nation we're so deathly afraid of The Man watching us and knowing everything about us. Then, how can we justify being so obsessed with saturating our minds with every facet of every detail of everything that happens in the lives of celebrities and politicians?
Disgusting.