If there's one thing I can't stand
Kamesen: *sitting on the couch, arms folded tightly across chest, glowering at the t.v.*
Mario: *looks at him while munching on Cheeze Its* What are you so mad about.
Kamesen: THAT'S what I'm mad about, Mario.
Political Ad: Did you know that Barack Obama is a cocknugget? Also there's totally "no evidence" that Mitt Romney outsourced jobs.
Kamesen: Uuuurgh.
Political Ad: Mitt Romney is a dickstain who really hates it when women have freedom. Listen to him sing poorly.
Kamesen: UUUURGH.
Mario: Well it's true though, Romney's all about denying women and gays their rights.
Kamesen: Yeah I know but I just.. fucking can't stand these ridiculous ads. If I were the person narrating them, I would have to stab myself in the face after I was done.
Mario: Ah don't worry. *swigs some sort of alcoholic beverage* It'll all be over uh.. relatively soon?
Kamesen: I can't take three more months of this shit, man. I seriously can't. I-
Political Ad: zomg Obama came to the White House with BIG IDEAS but now look what happened. We're in DEBT.
Kamesen: HOW IS THAT NEWS?! WE'VE BEEN IN DEBT FOR DECADES. YOU CAN'T JUST-
Mario: Shhh... *makes him sit back down* Shhh it's ok. It's ok man.
Kamesen: *sobs into hands* No it's not..
News: Meanwhile, Syria.
Kamesen: Ugh.. someone cap their damn president already so that the next corrupt dickwad can have his chance.
Princess Peach: *runs in* Kamesen! What a HORRIBLE thing to say!
Kamesen: Oooof course. And you have a better idea?
Peach: I.. well no...
Kamesen: I do, actually.
Peach: Oh yeah?
Kamesen: Let a woman rule.
Peach: Well that j- *stops* .....*eyes widen*
Mario: *snorts* I think you broke her brain.
Peach: *tears form in eyes, slowly hugs Kamesen* I never thought this day would come..
Kamesen: Gah, don't hug me! I'm not saying women are incorruptable or anything, or that the men serving under them would magically make good decisions based on the common needs of the people! It's just logical that a change needs to happen to break this cycle!
Peach: *just weeps happily into his chest*
Kamesen: UuuuUUUUUGHHHH Mario, what's next on the list?
Mario: People who define themselves by a particular identity rather than just being themselves.
Kamesen: ...
Person: *runs in* I'M A CAT!
Kamesen: So. What.
Person: Excuse me, I don't think you heard me correctly. I am a CAT.
Kamesen: I. Don't. Care.
Person: Bigot.
Kamesen: Don't you mean 'meow'?
Person: Idiot. My SOUL is a cat. My body is human shell with human needs, though.
Kamesen: You're missing the point. The point being that I DO NOT CARE.
Person: BIGOT. HATER. OPPRESSOR.
Kamesen: GO. AWAY.
Person: HISSSS *jumps on him*
Kamesen: AAAHHH
Kurenai: DOWN, KITTY *drops from the ceiling and smashes her elbow into the person's upper back*
Person: Hurk- *collapses*
Kamesen: Whew. Thanks for the timely rescue, Kurenai.
Kurenai: You're welcome. *shoves the person away with her foot* Yeah we've been getting a lot of these recently.
Kamesen: Cripes.. Why do you think that is?
Kurenai: *shrugs* Being a middle-class caucasian teenager is boring as all FUCK, I guess. So they invent thes-
Person2: *runs in* NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THERE ARE THERIANS OF COLOR! THERE ARE MACHINE-KIN WHO ARE OLD PEOPLE!
Kurenai: *snorts* Ok. Is that what they told you on the internet?
Person2: YES!!!!!!!
Kurenai: *drops her smile* ..And you believed them.
Person3: *runs in* I am a seventy-year-old black man.
Mario: What?! No you're not! You're a pasty-ass teenager with a-
Person3: TRIGGER WARNING!!!! OPPRESSION!! BIGOTRY!
Kamesen: Holy shit. Are you so intensely involved in your own psychosomatic munchausen bullshit that you're claiming to be triggered by someone telling you off?
Person3: What?
Kurenai: I advise that you seek out a licensed and reputable psychologist and psychiatrist.
Person3: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I DON'T NEED HELP YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT
Kamesen: Sssoooo... this is the new form of rebellion, eh? It used to be listening to rock and roll and doing drugs. Now it's convincing yourself that you're.. an animal, or a creature, or a celebrity, or fictional character, or an inanimate object, or disabled, or another race.
Mario: If you ask me, I'd rather have the rock music and the drugs.
Kamesen: I could have guessed that.
Mario: Admit it, you want rock and drugs too.
Kamesen: *shrugs* At least those were honest, simple times.
Person4: I'M A GAY PANSEXUAL MONOROMANTIC
Kamesen: *sighs* No, you're not. You're just tired of being straight and not getting any attention from it. Damn it, won't you people realize that it's a person's character, their achievements and personality that make them notable?
Person5: I'm Tom Hiddleson!
Kamesen: No! You're not! Stop identifying AS someone, and start identifying WITH someone! You're YOU. And no one gives a shit about that! But it's still important! Build up who YOU are by aspiring, learning, working, socializing. It's fine to identify WITH someone or something else. But you can't-
Person5: DON'T TELL ME I CAN'T!
Kamesen: ...*slowly furrows brow*
Person5: ...
Kamesen: See, that's the whole problem with this new generation. No one tells them that they can't do something. No one tells them that they aren't allowed to do something. Rules have been deemed too unfair to even have around, so they just decide to make up fun new identities and ride on the coat tails of the groups who have had REAL problems.
Person1: *wakes up* What harm is it to YOU that I go on believing that I am a cat- I mean uh KNOWING that I am a cat?
Kamesen: Me? I'll be fine. It's society in general that I'm worried about.
Person1: *gets all up in his face* You can't prove to me that I'm not a cat. Scientists know very little about us Otherkin.
Kamesen: If scientists prove that Otherkin are legit, and that you are indeed the soul of a fucking cat trapped in a human body, I will cut my own dick off and fuck myself in the ass.
Kurenai: He's serious, man. He'll do it.
Person1: And until then?
Kamesen: Until then I'm going to continue to believe that you're a fucking idiot.
Person1: YOU CAN'T-
Kamesen: Oh but I can! It's a free Goddamn country!
God: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS
Kurenai: *speaks into a hidden communicator* Samus we're gonna need an orbital platform strike, targeting Otherkin.
Otherkin: *converge on Kamesen and Mario*
Mario: BACK, YOU DOGS!
Person1: I'M A CAT!!!
Kamesen: SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO YOU'RE NOT
Samus: YEAR!! *pivots her ship into position and fires ice beams*
Otherkin: AARRRGH *frozen*
Kamesen: Whew. Kurenai, go push these off a cliff please.
Kurenai: Do it your damn self!
Kamesen: ...She drives a hard bargain. C'mon, Mario. *starts pushing the ice blocks* HRRRNGH..
Kurenai: It's good exercise. *swats him on the ass as he struggles on by*
Kamesen: Ow! Sexual harassment!
Kurenai: I am unfamiliar with that term. *ninja vanishes into the treetops*
Kamesen: *stops pushing, stands there with his hands on his hips* Peach, do something!
Princess Peach: *runs in, mouth covered in ice cream* Huh? Sorry I wasn't looking.
Kamesen: *falls over*
Mario: *laughs so hard he pees himself*
Mario: *looks at him while munching on Cheeze Its* What are you so mad about.
Kamesen: THAT'S what I'm mad about, Mario.
Political Ad: Did you know that Barack Obama is a cocknugget? Also there's totally "no evidence" that Mitt Romney outsourced jobs.
Kamesen: Uuuurgh.
Political Ad: Mitt Romney is a dickstain who really hates it when women have freedom. Listen to him sing poorly.
Kamesen: UUUURGH.
Mario: Well it's true though, Romney's all about denying women and gays their rights.
Kamesen: Yeah I know but I just.. fucking can't stand these ridiculous ads. If I were the person narrating them, I would have to stab myself in the face after I was done.
Mario: Ah don't worry. *swigs some sort of alcoholic beverage* It'll all be over uh.. relatively soon?
Kamesen: I can't take three more months of this shit, man. I seriously can't. I-
Political Ad: zomg Obama came to the White House with BIG IDEAS but now look what happened. We're in DEBT.
Kamesen: HOW IS THAT NEWS?! WE'VE BEEN IN DEBT FOR DECADES. YOU CAN'T JUST-
Mario: Shhh... *makes him sit back down* Shhh it's ok. It's ok man.
Kamesen: *sobs into hands* No it's not..
News: Meanwhile, Syria.
Kamesen: Ugh.. someone cap their damn president already so that the next corrupt dickwad can have his chance.
Princess Peach: *runs in* Kamesen! What a HORRIBLE thing to say!
Kamesen: Oooof course. And you have a better idea?
Peach: I.. well no...
Kamesen: I do, actually.
Peach: Oh yeah?
Kamesen: Let a woman rule.
Peach: Well that j- *stops* .....*eyes widen*
Mario: *snorts* I think you broke her brain.
Peach: *tears form in eyes, slowly hugs Kamesen* I never thought this day would come..
Kamesen: Gah, don't hug me! I'm not saying women are incorruptable or anything, or that the men serving under them would magically make good decisions based on the common needs of the people! It's just logical that a change needs to happen to break this cycle!
Peach: *just weeps happily into his chest*
Kamesen: UuuuUUUUUGHHHH Mario, what's next on the list?
Mario: People who define themselves by a particular identity rather than just being themselves.
Kamesen: ...
Person: *runs in* I'M A CAT!
Kamesen: So. What.
Person: Excuse me, I don't think you heard me correctly. I am a CAT.
Kamesen: I. Don't. Care.
Person: Bigot.
Kamesen: Don't you mean 'meow'?
Person: Idiot. My SOUL is a cat. My body is human shell with human needs, though.
Kamesen: You're missing the point. The point being that I DO NOT CARE.
Person: BIGOT. HATER. OPPRESSOR.
Kamesen: GO. AWAY.
Person: HISSSS *jumps on him*
Kamesen: AAAHHH
Kurenai: DOWN, KITTY *drops from the ceiling and smashes her elbow into the person's upper back*
Person: Hurk- *collapses*
Kamesen: Whew. Thanks for the timely rescue, Kurenai.
Kurenai: You're welcome. *shoves the person away with her foot* Yeah we've been getting a lot of these recently.
Kamesen: Cripes.. Why do you think that is?
Kurenai: *shrugs* Being a middle-class caucasian teenager is boring as all FUCK, I guess. So they invent thes-
Person2: *runs in* NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! THERE ARE THERIANS OF COLOR! THERE ARE MACHINE-KIN WHO ARE OLD PEOPLE!
Kurenai: *snorts* Ok. Is that what they told you on the internet?
Person2: YES!!!!!!!
Kurenai: *drops her smile* ..And you believed them.
Person3: *runs in* I am a seventy-year-old black man.
Mario: What?! No you're not! You're a pasty-ass teenager with a-
Person3: TRIGGER WARNING!!!! OPPRESSION!! BIGOTRY!
Kamesen: Holy shit. Are you so intensely involved in your own psychosomatic munchausen bullshit that you're claiming to be triggered by someone telling you off?
Person3: What?
Kurenai: I advise that you seek out a licensed and reputable psychologist and psychiatrist.
Person3: FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU I DON'T NEED HELP YOU CAN'T TELL ME THAT
Kamesen: Sssoooo... this is the new form of rebellion, eh? It used to be listening to rock and roll and doing drugs. Now it's convincing yourself that you're.. an animal, or a creature, or a celebrity, or fictional character, or an inanimate object, or disabled, or another race.
Mario: If you ask me, I'd rather have the rock music and the drugs.
Kamesen: I could have guessed that.
Mario: Admit it, you want rock and drugs too.
Kamesen: *shrugs* At least those were honest, simple times.
Person4: I'M A GAY PANSEXUAL MONOROMANTIC
Kamesen: *sighs* No, you're not. You're just tired of being straight and not getting any attention from it. Damn it, won't you people realize that it's a person's character, their achievements and personality that make them notable?
Person5: I'm Tom Hiddleson!
Kamesen: No! You're not! Stop identifying AS someone, and start identifying WITH someone! You're YOU. And no one gives a shit about that! But it's still important! Build up who YOU are by aspiring, learning, working, socializing. It's fine to identify WITH someone or something else. But you can't-
Person5: DON'T TELL ME I CAN'T!
Kamesen: ...*slowly furrows brow*
Person5: ...
Kamesen: See, that's the whole problem with this new generation. No one tells them that they can't do something. No one tells them that they aren't allowed to do something. Rules have been deemed too unfair to even have around, so they just decide to make up fun new identities and ride on the coat tails of the groups who have had REAL problems.
Person1: *wakes up* What harm is it to YOU that I go on believing that I am a cat- I mean uh KNOWING that I am a cat?
Kamesen: Me? I'll be fine. It's society in general that I'm worried about.
Person1: *gets all up in his face* You can't prove to me that I'm not a cat. Scientists know very little about us Otherkin.
Kamesen: If scientists prove that Otherkin are legit, and that you are indeed the soul of a fucking cat trapped in a human body, I will cut my own dick off and fuck myself in the ass.
Kurenai: He's serious, man. He'll do it.
Person1: And until then?
Kamesen: Until then I'm going to continue to believe that you're a fucking idiot.
Person1: YOU CAN'T-
Kamesen: Oh but I can! It's a free Goddamn country!
God: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS
Kurenai: *speaks into a hidden communicator* Samus we're gonna need an orbital platform strike, targeting Otherkin.
Otherkin: *converge on Kamesen and Mario*
Mario: BACK, YOU DOGS!
Person1: I'M A CAT!!!
Kamesen: SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO YOU'RE NOT
Samus: YEAR!! *pivots her ship into position and fires ice beams*
Otherkin: AARRRGH *frozen*
Kamesen: Whew. Kurenai, go push these off a cliff please.
Kurenai: Do it your damn self!
Kamesen: ...She drives a hard bargain. C'mon, Mario. *starts pushing the ice blocks* HRRRNGH..
Kurenai: It's good exercise. *swats him on the ass as he struggles on by*
Kamesen: Ow! Sexual harassment!
Kurenai: I am unfamiliar with that term. *ninja vanishes into the treetops*
Kamesen: *stops pushing, stands there with his hands on his hips* Peach, do something!
Princess Peach: *runs in, mouth covered in ice cream* Huh? Sorry I wasn't looking.
Kamesen: *falls over*
Mario: *laughs so hard he pees himself*