Fuel for Thought
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJUahsj3PQ8
Kamesen: *sitting slouched on the couch, already looking exasperated*
Mario: *Punjabi singing voice* White peoplllle~
Person: *busts in the door*
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Peach: *runs in* Kamesen!
Kamesen: I sorry
(two seconds later)
Dr. Mario: *operates on person under a medical lamp*
Kamesen: *standing by*
Samus: *handing instruments to Dr. Mario*
Person: *eyes closed*
beep machine: Beep.. beep..
Mario: You're gonna be ok man you're gonna pull through.
Dr. Mario: I think-a that should do it.
Person: *slowly opens eyes* ...Impeach Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him again*
Peach: KAMESEN-
(commercial break featuring Bowser screaming and crying while Luigi spams Za Warudo)
Kamesen: *sitting on the couch again*
Mario: It IS kind of unfair that you don't even let them get a word in edgewise anymore.
Kamesen: Peach paid you to say that.
Mario: NO SHE DIDN'T.
Kamesen: ...
Mario: *bows head in shame* Yeah she did..
Person: *busts in*
Kamesen: *aims, shoots*
Mario: *quickly pushes the gun with his foot to make the shot go wide*
Kamesen: *unenthusiastically unloads the clip into the wall*
Person: *ducks wildly, flailing and screaming*
Kamesen: *click click click* Aww *throws the gun out the window*
*BANG*
Everyone: *jumps*
Person: How. Dare. Y-
Kamesen: SHUT UP shut up whaddaya want
Person: *hands on hips* I'm here to tell you that your little FRIEND, HUSSEIN OBAMA, is trying to stop FREEDOM.
Kamesen: None of that makes sense except the friend part.
Obama: *runs in*
Kamesen: *waves at him*
Obama: We're friends *runs back out*
Kamesen: YEAAAAYYYY-
Person: LISTEN TO ME. Hussein Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Person: *dies*
Mario: KAMESEN *hits rewind*
Person: Hussein Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him with a rubberband*
Person: GAAH *clutches eye*
Kamesen: Why do you insist on using his middle name like it's some kind of insult.
Person: Because it's HUSSEIN.
Kamesen: Yeah do you know what 'Hussein' means?
Person: SHUT UP
Kamesen: It's Arabic.
Person: Yeah it means TERRORIS-
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Mario: ...
Kamesen: Do the thing.
Mario: No. I don't feel like listening to this asshole's bullshit anymore.
Kamesen: But I acted compulsively out of violence and it is bad; do the thing.
Mario: *sighs, hits rewind*
Person: Hussein Ob-
Kamesen: 'Handsome'. Hussein is Arabic for 'handsome'. Or 'good'.
Person: ..Anyway-
Kamesen: No, say it. Say what you said before. In English.
Person: ....n-..no..
Kamesen: *pulls out an enormous handgun and aims it at the person* Say. It.
Person: ............Handsome Obama is trying to stop freedom.
Kamesen: What.
Person: He hates America because-
Kamesen: OBJECTIVE. FACTS. SPEAK THEM.
Person: NO.
Kamesen: *aims down a little, blows his leg off*
Person: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Peach: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE *barges in*
Kamesen: *stuffs the handgun down his pants to hide it, ends up shooting his own leg off* AAAHHHH
Person: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Kamesen: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mario: AHAHAHAHAHHA-
(twelve minutes later)
Person: *chewing on a 1-up mushroom, has both legs now*
Kamesen: *also chewing on a 1-up mushroom, similarly has both his legs again*
Peach: Now, what have we learned.
Kamesen: That mushrooms are delicious.
Peach: *swats the back of his head*
Kamesen: Itai. Anyway, proceed with your bullshit.
Person: Handsome Obama is trying to prevent drilling for oil in Alaska.
Kamesen: Why.
Person: Pff. Some liberal commie space alien demon illuminati crap about 'protecting the environment'.
Kamesen: *slowly stares at the person*
Person: What.
Kamesen: Wwwhat's... wrong with wanting to protect the environment?
Person: No, no my point is that he's lying.
Kamesen: Why would he lie about wanting to protect the environment?
Person: Him and his government buddies want that land for THEMSELVES.
Kamesen: ....Fffoooor what.
Person: I-.. y- j.. sledding.
Kamesen: *eyes flutter upward in exasperation*
Person: WAIT NO. His big plan is to make us MORE DEPENDANT on FOREIGN OIL!
Kamesen: How would that benefit us.
Person: IT WOULDN'T!
Kamesen: .......Then why would he do that.
Person: BECAUSE HE'S A TERRORIS-
Kamesen: *walks over and beats person to death with the gun*
(soon)
Kamesen: This is getting pretty tiring, man.
Mario: *munches on M&Ms* You just need a power nap.
Person: *barges in* OIL OIL OIL PIPELINE NOW GO
Kamesen: *sits halfway up, lethargically reaching for gun* Unf..
Person: HEAR ME OUT.
Kamesen: Eh. *sits back*
Person: Building the new portion of the Keystone pipeline will create JOBS.
Kamesen: .....
Mario: *looks at person* I pity you.
Kamesen: I read an article.
Mario: ..
Kamesen: The man writing the article said that oil will never run out.
Person: Wow! Wait what?
Kamesen: Yeah. His genius reasoning was that it will eventually get so expensive that we'll have no choice but to stop using it. So technically it'll still be around.
Person: ...Oh..
Kamesen: Mm. Nothing truly lasts forever. The sun will eventually explode. No more solar power. The moon will crumble to dust. No more tidal power. The wind will die out once the earth cracks in two. No more wind. The core will cool. No more geothermal. The waterfalls will dry up. No more hydroelectric. And so on and so forth.
Person: Riiight. So back to oil-
Kamesen: NO, FOOL. *leaps over the couch, grabbing him*
Person: *shrieks*
Kamesen: THAT SHIT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS. WE CAN BUILD SOLAR PANELS ACROSS THE VAST AMERICAN DESERTS. WE CAN CREATE DAMS AND GENERATORS, WIND FARMS ON THE HILLS. JOBS. THOSE THINGS MAKE JOBS TOO, ASSHOLE. WE COULD BE ENTIRELY ENERGY INDEPENDENT.
Person: *sobbing*
Kamesen: *gets in his face* But you're stuck on your precious Goddamn oil. You fucking bastard. You shit. You ass.
Person: *crumples to the floor, blubbering*
Kamesen: *turns away* Get this scum out of my sight. *walks toward the window*
Mario: *looks at person* .. *just sort of pushes him down the stairs*
Obama: Hey guys, gas prices are down!
Person: *runs in* WE DID THAT. WITH OUR U.S. DRILLING.
Mario: Oh, sure. Obama's enforcement of oil pricing regulations didn't have anything at all to do with it.
Person: THEY DIDN'T. IT WAS ALL US. *throws a tantrum*
Mario: *pushes him down the stairs again*
Kamesen: *laughs*
Mario: *laughs*
Obama: *sighs*
Mario: *nudges him with an elbow*
Obama: *laughs and shakes his head*
THE END
Kamesen: *sitting slouched on the couch, already looking exasperated*
Mario: *Punjabi singing voice* White peoplllle~
Person: *busts in the door*
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Peach: *runs in* Kamesen!
Kamesen: I sorry
(two seconds later)
Dr. Mario: *operates on person under a medical lamp*
Kamesen: *standing by*
Samus: *handing instruments to Dr. Mario*
Person: *eyes closed*
beep machine: Beep.. beep..
Mario: You're gonna be ok man you're gonna pull through.
Dr. Mario: I think-a that should do it.
Person: *slowly opens eyes* ...Impeach Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him again*
Peach: KAMESEN-
(commercial break featuring Bowser screaming and crying while Luigi spams Za Warudo)
Kamesen: *sitting on the couch again*
Mario: It IS kind of unfair that you don't even let them get a word in edgewise anymore.
Kamesen: Peach paid you to say that.
Mario: NO SHE DIDN'T.
Kamesen: ...
Mario: *bows head in shame* Yeah she did..
Person: *busts in*
Kamesen: *aims, shoots*
Mario: *quickly pushes the gun with his foot to make the shot go wide*
Kamesen: *unenthusiastically unloads the clip into the wall*
Person: *ducks wildly, flailing and screaming*
Kamesen: *click click click* Aww *throws the gun out the window*
*BANG*
Everyone: *jumps*
Person: How. Dare. Y-
Kamesen: SHUT UP shut up whaddaya want
Person: *hands on hips* I'm here to tell you that your little FRIEND, HUSSEIN OBAMA, is trying to stop FREEDOM.
Kamesen: None of that makes sense except the friend part.
Obama: *runs in*
Kamesen: *waves at him*
Obama: We're friends *runs back out*
Kamesen: YEAAAAYYYY-
Person: LISTEN TO ME. Hussein Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Person: *dies*
Mario: KAMESEN *hits rewind*
Person: Hussein Obama-
Kamesen: *shoots him with a rubberband*
Person: GAAH *clutches eye*
Kamesen: Why do you insist on using his middle name like it's some kind of insult.
Person: Because it's HUSSEIN.
Kamesen: Yeah do you know what 'Hussein' means?
Person: SHUT UP
Kamesen: It's Arabic.
Person: Yeah it means TERRORIS-
Kamesen: *shoots him*
Mario: ...
Kamesen: Do the thing.
Mario: No. I don't feel like listening to this asshole's bullshit anymore.
Kamesen: But I acted compulsively out of violence and it is bad; do the thing.
Mario: *sighs, hits rewind*
Person: Hussein Ob-
Kamesen: 'Handsome'. Hussein is Arabic for 'handsome'. Or 'good'.
Person: ..Anyway-
Kamesen: No, say it. Say what you said before. In English.
Person: ....n-..no..
Kamesen: *pulls out an enormous handgun and aims it at the person* Say. It.
Person: ............Handsome Obama is trying to stop freedom.
Kamesen: What.
Person: He hates America because-
Kamesen: OBJECTIVE. FACTS. SPEAK THEM.
Person: NO.
Kamesen: *aims down a little, blows his leg off*
Person: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH
Peach: WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE *barges in*
Kamesen: *stuffs the handgun down his pants to hide it, ends up shooting his own leg off* AAAHHHH
Person: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
Kamesen: AAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Mario: AHAHAHAHAHHA-
(twelve minutes later)
Person: *chewing on a 1-up mushroom, has both legs now*
Kamesen: *also chewing on a 1-up mushroom, similarly has both his legs again*
Peach: Now, what have we learned.
Kamesen: That mushrooms are delicious.
Peach: *swats the back of his head*
Kamesen: Itai. Anyway, proceed with your bullshit.
Person: Handsome Obama is trying to prevent drilling for oil in Alaska.
Kamesen: Why.
Person: Pff. Some liberal commie space alien demon illuminati crap about 'protecting the environment'.
Kamesen: *slowly stares at the person*
Person: What.
Kamesen: Wwwhat's... wrong with wanting to protect the environment?
Person: No, no my point is that he's lying.
Kamesen: Why would he lie about wanting to protect the environment?
Person: Him and his government buddies want that land for THEMSELVES.
Kamesen: ....Fffoooor what.
Person: I-.. y- j.. sledding.
Kamesen: *eyes flutter upward in exasperation*
Person: WAIT NO. His big plan is to make us MORE DEPENDANT on FOREIGN OIL!
Kamesen: How would that benefit us.
Person: IT WOULDN'T!
Kamesen: .......Then why would he do that.
Person: BECAUSE HE'S A TERRORIS-
Kamesen: *walks over and beats person to death with the gun*
(soon)
Kamesen: This is getting pretty tiring, man.
Mario: *munches on M&Ms* You just need a power nap.
Person: *barges in* OIL OIL OIL PIPELINE NOW GO
Kamesen: *sits halfway up, lethargically reaching for gun* Unf..
Person: HEAR ME OUT.
Kamesen: Eh. *sits back*
Person: Building the new portion of the Keystone pipeline will create JOBS.
Kamesen: .....
Mario: *looks at person* I pity you.
Kamesen: I read an article.
Mario: ..
Kamesen: The man writing the article said that oil will never run out.
Person: Wow! Wait what?
Kamesen: Yeah. His genius reasoning was that it will eventually get so expensive that we'll have no choice but to stop using it. So technically it'll still be around.
Person: ...Oh..
Kamesen: Mm. Nothing truly lasts forever. The sun will eventually explode. No more solar power. The moon will crumble to dust. No more tidal power. The wind will die out once the earth cracks in two. No more wind. The core will cool. No more geothermal. The waterfalls will dry up. No more hydroelectric. And so on and so forth.
Person: Riiight. So back to oil-
Kamesen: NO, FOOL. *leaps over the couch, grabbing him*
Person: *shrieks*
Kamesen: THAT SHIT ISN'T GONNA HAPPEN FOR MILLIONS OF YEARS. WE CAN BUILD SOLAR PANELS ACROSS THE VAST AMERICAN DESERTS. WE CAN CREATE DAMS AND GENERATORS, WIND FARMS ON THE HILLS. JOBS. THOSE THINGS MAKE JOBS TOO, ASSHOLE. WE COULD BE ENTIRELY ENERGY INDEPENDENT.
Person: *sobbing*
Kamesen: *gets in his face* But you're stuck on your precious Goddamn oil. You fucking bastard. You shit. You ass.
Person: *crumples to the floor, blubbering*
Kamesen: *turns away* Get this scum out of my sight. *walks toward the window*
Mario: *looks at person* .. *just sort of pushes him down the stairs*
Obama: Hey guys, gas prices are down!
Person: *runs in* WE DID THAT. WITH OUR U.S. DRILLING.
Mario: Oh, sure. Obama's enforcement of oil pricing regulations didn't have anything at all to do with it.
Person: THEY DIDN'T. IT WAS ALL US. *throws a tantrum*
Mario: *pushes him down the stairs again*
Kamesen: *laughs*
Mario: *laughs*
Obama: *sighs*
Mario: *nudges him with an elbow*
Obama: *laughs and shakes his head*
THE END