[Personal] Labelling myself
So I'm probably autistic.
I've suspected this for a while and have worked on it, but the funny part is that I live a life where it doesn't matter that much. Weird is common in my family on both sides, in different ways. Just because I'm weird to them doesn't seem to matter much. Actually I'm more worried about the funny-in-the-head that is more prevalent in my dad and my uncle than that.
But I also show symptoms of dyslexia... the interesting part is that in many cases, these two might cancel each other out. The only signs I can say I really show in dyslexia are massive hearing cognition (my brother is obviously dyslexic so this is normal to him too), and a couple of the thought processes.
In autism symptoms, I twiddle a lot. I pull out my hair sometimes and I chew on my nails. I have a hard time with new things (I'm learning to accept this), but I'm learning how to handle certain things too. It took like 20 years for me to get used to trying new food... since my mom had always pushed that. Of course I have hobbies. My facial expressions don't always work (and I found out they really die if I have some liquor chocolate). I am sound-sensitive and my mom has been getting used to seeing me in earplugs just to do basic chores. And I don't care about gender (this seems to be a common trait in autism). I still have gender roles integrated into me to a degree, but not that much.
There's probably more but here's what I /don/t have: I can kinda sort of get things done... kinda. Basically high-functioning in that sense. Somehow I'm not mute in the morning anymore.... okay I need to think this through a lot more but I'm sure there's tons of things that make me a normal person too.
Okay I just remembered one: eye contact. I can either hold it too long (maybe forever) or not at all. Basically I show the typical something-else-besides-autism problem with eye-contact. I don't need to have it, but I can read someone's face pretty well and watching eyes is crucial to telling if my mom is even listening to me and not spacing out again.
My quick measure of autism is if I think they're an alien or part-alien. Only one of my friends is part-alien, which is interesting, since I'm not sure how she decides stuff. The rest are either normal or just weird. At least one is stereotypically so, so I keep calling him normal. I think it reassures him.
And yeah I'm still into MBTI to a degree and while it can't predict behavior, it does help guide and explain a lot for... mostly N's. It helps me stay calmer... and for some reason, I've always dealt with a lot of INFJs. Probably due to the fact that I'm less likely to talk my same type...
So INFJs from what I've seen. They get caught up in drama and don't know why. They also don't seem to realize that they're adding to it and seem to keep in at the exact same maturity level as the person they're dealing with, whether adult or child. Burnout is practically a state of being. The struggle against themselves is almost stereotypical. They all seem to both love and hate the way I think. Their reaction to that is greatly varied, though -- one collapsed when I turned it on them, one rebuilt themselves, one uses it as a way to think things through, and another tempers themself periodically against it.
On gender. So you'd think I'd be comfortable with labels. Of course not. I live in a fairly conservative world (just not white since that's a minority here), and while I don't give a crap about what gender a person is, changing the way I talk is very very difficult. Okay it's normally very very difficult. I had a hard time just learning how to talk as an employee and had to copy my coworkers to do it.... so if I had someone to copy, that'd probably make it easier. But that's unlikely to happen where I live. Of course I'm not saying that putting that kind of effort is not admirable, but I'm never going to be the most up-to-date person in my speech or writing. On top of that I am extremely confrontation-avoidant. That I definitely can't help because otherwise I spend the next week stressed out.
Trends and memes are almost beyond me. I can understand some of them, some I need explaining first, and some... I don't get. And then there's some that I don't see the point. The funny part is that memes are definitely symbolism in action... and most symbolism is beyond me. Even religious ones.
I understand the need for technical or specialized vocabulary, but jargon I think is just irritating. Unless there was a need to hide what you're saying, I don't see the point. Having a million words and euphemisms for sex is dumb because after the first three you're just making more because you can. Some mmo terminology is inevitable, but the fact that they use different ones from regular gaming is irritating and using mmo terminology in an mmo made for non-mmo players is infuriating. Especially without an in-game dictionary, which would be a valid option. Like why would a game not have things explaining its own terms.
Okay so not much sets me off besides this. The other things I can easily recall setting me off is complaining about something you can easily fix yourself, complaining about something that we all agreed in complaints about already (actually this doesn't make me angry but instead alienates me because I don't understand the point), and forgetting what we worked out and agreed upon and acting like this is the first time they heard of it (my relatives did this and my brother had to keep me aside from killing them). Basically forgetting any hardship or any result of that hardship that basically means it never happened and give me back those hours/days/weeks/years of my life then.
Oh yeah and screaming kids. That's just painful, not anger-inducing.
I've suspected this for a while and have worked on it, but the funny part is that I live a life where it doesn't matter that much. Weird is common in my family on both sides, in different ways. Just because I'm weird to them doesn't seem to matter much. Actually I'm more worried about the funny-in-the-head that is more prevalent in my dad and my uncle than that.
But I also show symptoms of dyslexia... the interesting part is that in many cases, these two might cancel each other out. The only signs I can say I really show in dyslexia are massive hearing cognition (my brother is obviously dyslexic so this is normal to him too), and a couple of the thought processes.
In autism symptoms, I twiddle a lot. I pull out my hair sometimes and I chew on my nails. I have a hard time with new things (I'm learning to accept this), but I'm learning how to handle certain things too. It took like 20 years for me to get used to trying new food... since my mom had always pushed that. Of course I have hobbies. My facial expressions don't always work (and I found out they really die if I have some liquor chocolate). I am sound-sensitive and my mom has been getting used to seeing me in earplugs just to do basic chores. And I don't care about gender (this seems to be a common trait in autism). I still have gender roles integrated into me to a degree, but not that much.
There's probably more but here's what I /don/t have: I can kinda sort of get things done... kinda. Basically high-functioning in that sense. Somehow I'm not mute in the morning anymore.... okay I need to think this through a lot more but I'm sure there's tons of things that make me a normal person too.
Okay I just remembered one: eye contact. I can either hold it too long (maybe forever) or not at all. Basically I show the typical something-else-besides-autism problem with eye-contact. I don't need to have it, but I can read someone's face pretty well and watching eyes is crucial to telling if my mom is even listening to me and not spacing out again.
My quick measure of autism is if I think they're an alien or part-alien. Only one of my friends is part-alien, which is interesting, since I'm not sure how she decides stuff. The rest are either normal or just weird. At least one is stereotypically so, so I keep calling him normal. I think it reassures him.
And yeah I'm still into MBTI to a degree and while it can't predict behavior, it does help guide and explain a lot for... mostly N's. It helps me stay calmer... and for some reason, I've always dealt with a lot of INFJs. Probably due to the fact that I'm less likely to talk my same type...
So INFJs from what I've seen. They get caught up in drama and don't know why. They also don't seem to realize that they're adding to it and seem to keep in at the exact same maturity level as the person they're dealing with, whether adult or child. Burnout is practically a state of being. The struggle against themselves is almost stereotypical. They all seem to both love and hate the way I think. Their reaction to that is greatly varied, though -- one collapsed when I turned it on them, one rebuilt themselves, one uses it as a way to think things through, and another tempers themself periodically against it.
On gender. So you'd think I'd be comfortable with labels. Of course not. I live in a fairly conservative world (just not white since that's a minority here), and while I don't give a crap about what gender a person is, changing the way I talk is very very difficult. Okay it's normally very very difficult. I had a hard time just learning how to talk as an employee and had to copy my coworkers to do it.... so if I had someone to copy, that'd probably make it easier. But that's unlikely to happen where I live. Of course I'm not saying that putting that kind of effort is not admirable, but I'm never going to be the most up-to-date person in my speech or writing. On top of that I am extremely confrontation-avoidant. That I definitely can't help because otherwise I spend the next week stressed out.
Trends and memes are almost beyond me. I can understand some of them, some I need explaining first, and some... I don't get. And then there's some that I don't see the point. The funny part is that memes are definitely symbolism in action... and most symbolism is beyond me. Even religious ones.
I understand the need for technical or specialized vocabulary, but jargon I think is just irritating. Unless there was a need to hide what you're saying, I don't see the point. Having a million words and euphemisms for sex is dumb because after the first three you're just making more because you can. Some mmo terminology is inevitable, but the fact that they use different ones from regular gaming is irritating and using mmo terminology in an mmo made for non-mmo players is infuriating. Especially without an in-game dictionary, which would be a valid option. Like why would a game not have things explaining its own terms.
Okay so not much sets me off besides this. The other things I can easily recall setting me off is complaining about something you can easily fix yourself, complaining about something that we all agreed in complaints about already (actually this doesn't make me angry but instead alienates me because I don't understand the point), and forgetting what we worked out and agreed upon and acting like this is the first time they heard of it (my relatives did this and my brother had to keep me aside from killing them). Basically forgetting any hardship or any result of that hardship that basically means it never happened and give me back those hours/days/weeks/years of my life then.
Oh yeah and screaming kids. That's just painful, not anger-inducing.