[Personal] Getting my life back
Had stress like I hadn't been stressed before. My mom had a serious condition that wouldn't get fixed anytime soon (it's getting fixed now, that's why I can write now) and I had to almost completely control her diet for it. To do what I could, I had to think about it almost night and day for a week or two, then it was only half of my waking time, then finally a quarter. I slept the bare minimum for me, which is about 6 hours... and was half-dead by the time New Year's Eve came around.
Because of this, I pretty much couldn't do anything. The most I could do was play a few games here or there and watch her. And then... I had two friends tack on the stress.
I had a minor breakdown by that point and scolded one as nicely as I could and reamed into the other one because the second one was drama.
And now I still have that stress I'm trying to figure out how to deal with. It's one thing during (which I think I'm better at than most people I know), but afterwards... I'm trying to figure out. That is and still be functional, which is a trick since usually I'm completely non-functional by this point.
What probably is influencing this the most is that I'm not being forced to do all kinds of crap this time. Normally my dad gets so thoughtless that he pisses my mom off this time of year. But she's been out, I guess he noticed that I have my hands full... maybe. So my usual anxiety attack hasn't fully manifested yet.
Now bad part. I have been on a LOT of caffeine. This is a very bad move, but I have been addicted since March... and I haven't bothered to wean myself off of the stuff. Definitely too late then, but again I still am not thinking I even want to try.
I think the stress killed my weight because I lost quite a bit. Or I've been slowly losing weight last year without noticing... I'm not sure why. I only know that the massive weight gain was due to being immobile due to tumor, then surgery, then... it just took a while, probably. That was two years ago I think.
But stress-wise, it's still there. I'm still getting triggered by anxiety... but the trigger is abstract, I've just noticed. Wonderful, right. So far the biggest help is treating myself as I would need to be treated.
And I'm hoping doing a little cleaning will help. A little, because as I said, I can't do a whole lot yet. Just more than before, which was almost nothing. I want to get back to my sewing (trying not to think about stressing myself over the next event because that's completely a waste of time -- I'll get done whatever I get done), since there was some stuff I did want to do.