Rant, in D Minor
I have finally figured out why I am consistently so dissapointed in those I invest in.
And wow, is this going to come off as all kinds of something.. egotistic, arrogant, whatever you want to name it.
Here is what is comes down to. I invest in people who deserve it, who need it, who need it, who earn it.
The problem lies in the last part there. I have realized that most all of those I seriously invest in end up being those who either cannot, or will not, invest as much in me. The people I want to be around most, are usually those who are not all that interested in being around me, but occassionally.
They tell me "Well, you have to call and invite me out.. or you have to ask me when I'm free.. YOU have to make the effort."
Ok, fine, I make the effort. I call to see what you are doing, or you call me, we talk about doing things... But there is always something else going on. You've always got something else to do. And in the end, out of the 20 times I try, perhaps two end up in some kind of actual time spent.
Or perhaps, I am only useful as someone to bitch and moan to, and you get oh so bored talking on the phone after you have gotten your griping out that I end up having to end the call because I'm tired of 30 second silences after I finish a sentence.. and occassionally a "What did you say again?"
Or, even best... "You are one of/my/our best friend. I/We love having you around/talking to you" And then I don't hear anything from you for 4 days - a month straight. Yep, feeling that best friend gig there.. especially when I am trying to get ahold of you, and nothing comes of it.
I am *SO* fucking tired of putting effort and energy into people who are only willing to put it back into me when it suits them. Or they do it out of some kind of screwed up "obligation" that they feel towards me because I am there for them when they need me.
Is it too much to ask that someone might genuinely enjoy spending time with me? Or that they show it rather than just having me around when they have nothing better to do?
I guess I miss having a best friend.
I miss those I had back in Sac.. who would head out with me at a moments notice, or have me over, just because they enjoyed my company.. and didn't have to "plan" it. Or didn't have me over just because I can do something for them no one else seems to.
It's funny actually.. I had more good friends who actually invested in me when I wasn't aggressive about hanging out with people... and now that I have found that I need to be aggressive in order to have any kind of friends.. no one seems willing to invest in me like I do them.
C, I really wish you had come out here. I know things didn't turn out, and I know I screwed up.. but damn, I could really use some of our special time right now.
D, C, You two illegal spousal immigrants need to come out soon.
Fuzz, get your ass out here with your lady.. even for a few days.
NBM, I wish you were here more than ever. I need you like none other.
For the rest of you, I love many of you dearly.. and this doesn't apply to most of you.
And for those it does, you probably won't apply it to yourselves anyways.
Damn.. that felt a hell of a lot better getting out of my system. Thanks for letting me bitch folks
And wow, is this going to come off as all kinds of something.. egotistic, arrogant, whatever you want to name it.
Here is what is comes down to. I invest in people who deserve it, who need it, who need it, who earn it.
The problem lies in the last part there. I have realized that most all of those I seriously invest in end up being those who either cannot, or will not, invest as much in me. The people I want to be around most, are usually those who are not all that interested in being around me, but occassionally.
They tell me "Well, you have to call and invite me out.. or you have to ask me when I'm free.. YOU have to make the effort."
Ok, fine, I make the effort. I call to see what you are doing, or you call me, we talk about doing things... But there is always something else going on. You've always got something else to do. And in the end, out of the 20 times I try, perhaps two end up in some kind of actual time spent.
Or perhaps, I am only useful as someone to bitch and moan to, and you get oh so bored talking on the phone after you have gotten your griping out that I end up having to end the call because I'm tired of 30 second silences after I finish a sentence.. and occassionally a "What did you say again?"
Or, even best... "You are one of/my/our best friend. I/We love having you around/talking to you" And then I don't hear anything from you for 4 days - a month straight. Yep, feeling that best friend gig there.. especially when I am trying to get ahold of you, and nothing comes of it.
I am *SO* fucking tired of putting effort and energy into people who are only willing to put it back into me when it suits them. Or they do it out of some kind of screwed up "obligation" that they feel towards me because I am there for them when they need me.
Is it too much to ask that someone might genuinely enjoy spending time with me? Or that they show it rather than just having me around when they have nothing better to do?
I guess I miss having a best friend.
I miss those I had back in Sac.. who would head out with me at a moments notice, or have me over, just because they enjoyed my company.. and didn't have to "plan" it. Or didn't have me over just because I can do something for them no one else seems to.
It's funny actually.. I had more good friends who actually invested in me when I wasn't aggressive about hanging out with people... and now that I have found that I need to be aggressive in order to have any kind of friends.. no one seems willing to invest in me like I do them.
C, I really wish you had come out here. I know things didn't turn out, and I know I screwed up.. but damn, I could really use some of our special time right now.
D, C, You two illegal spousal immigrants need to come out soon.
Fuzz, get your ass out here with your lady.. even for a few days.
NBM, I wish you were here more than ever. I need you like none other.
For the rest of you, I love many of you dearly.. and this doesn't apply to most of you.
And for those it does, you probably won't apply it to yourselves anyways.
Damn.. that felt a hell of a lot better getting out of my system. Thanks for letting me bitch folks