Re: Trust Me

[kaninchenzero]

I'm responding, here, to OuyangDan's Trust Me. Which you should read. It got long so rather than do the wall o' text thing at her place I figured I'd do it at mine. Specifically it's this bit:

What shouldn’t have happened here was having everyone from the desk staff to the NCOIC (that’s Non-commissioned officer in charge) tell me how nice Nurse Midwife

Comments

[sanat]

I wish I didn't understand this so thoroughly.

:hugs:

[kaninchenzero]

Oh you break my heart. I wish none of us had to understand this. *hugs*

[shiyiya]

*hugs*

[kaninchenzero]

You are such a sweet person.

[kaninchenzero]

That'd be Nur, a lot of it? I'm sorry you have too.

My therapist keeps pointing out that even with all this I had a sense of self strong enough to come out (as so much) and transition. (And there is pressure from these people to detransition. I need to get away.) So I thought I'd share. You are a damned strong man. I am really glad we ran into each other on this internets thing.

[kaninchenzero]

It's been a pattern in my life. I'm fucked up -- the successful people I'm related to seem to do this shit to others and I just do it to me -- disabled mentally ill and thus poor. Every so often I stop being able to work. They've picked things up in the past. And made me pay.

I'm at one of those stages again; all of me is breaking down. This time though, this time I have other people who will help. I don't have to go to them. I can get on disability. I'm married and she's pretty fucking wonderful. There are people in my life who love me and their love isn't harmful.

It's so weird.

[kitrona]

*hugs*

I'm reminded, by both the other post and yours, of my mother. Who everyone said was SO nice, and a wonderful person, and "I just can't see why you'd say things like that about her", etc. It's made me question myself occasionally, but far more often it's made others question me without even thinking about my perspective.

My dad, on the other hand, was the same with everyone: open and honest and didn't fawn on people unless he absolutely had to, but also didn't condescend to people either. Hmm... wonder why it is that I'm a daddy's girl? :P

[kitrona]

Er. I guess that was all to say, damn. My mother emotionally manipulated everyone in the family, but it wasn't like that. I'm sorry.

[annaham]

Just read this; unfortunately, I am reminded of some of my relatives, except they enact this sort of gaslighting behavior in more subtle ways. *huge hugs*