The More It Hurts the More Sense It Makes

[kaninchenzero]

Note: Of everything I've written about me and there is a lot I've written about me this might be the most over-sharing. It has been disturbing and difficult to write as it deals with sexual assault of and by children and its effects on my sexuality. If you'd rather not read it, I wouldn't blame you in the least. That's why it's behind that

Comments

[annaham]

I don't know what to say; I just want to send you *e-hugs*.

[kaninchenzero]

Not knowing what to say is perfectly all right. I wouldn't know what to say reading this if it were someone else's either. *hugs*hearts*

[rikibeth]

I read all through it. I'm not for a minute discounting how you feel, but I fail to see how anything you've revealed here makes you a shitty person.

I may as well have put a fucking sign up reading "The Queue for Predators Forms Here."

From what you've said about the family abuse, I don't think you put that sign there. Saying that is like saying "she got herself pregnant." Don't vanish the perpetrator.

[kaninchenzero]

You're not wrong. I even know that. Believing that and feeling that are things I haven't worked out yet. Other folk don't think I'm a shitty person. I was raised to be the designated victim and blamed for possessing the flaw of actually feeling pain. It's just. I think I'm a shitty person. I blame myself and make excuses for my perpetrators. Right now. When my disorders aren't as acute I like myself better and don't harm myself quite so much. I just can't remember how to get there from here.

It'll come to me eventually.

[kaninchenzero]

Thank you. I do appreciate it. I'm so sorry you know this. :(

[pocochina]

Fuck. Sending good thoughts.

[kaninchenzero]

It's appreciated.

[shiyiya]

*hugs*

It's always hard to remember what okay is like when you're not :/

I see nothing of "shitty person" in you. <3

[kaninchenzero]

You say the nicest stuff.