[video | private]mightstealyrcarFebruary 27 2011, 18:40:51 UTC
[Matt knows something more about the war in Lavi's world now. It doesn't help. Really, it only makes the emotions hit harder.
A best friend who's not, anymore, and when you need your detachment, it's not there, can't help you do what you know you have to do. A war that doesn't just take things from you. It makes you take them from yourself, twists them, not far enough to be mercifully unrecognizable. As Matt tries to get more comfortable, more than half-awake and trying to pretend he isn't, he's sure the blood in the dream looks darker than it should for a moment. He doesn't know if this is pure dream, memory, or both swirled up together, a fear of what might come, or something past.
Belonging nowhere, my heart unmoved. ...yeah, Matt's been like that. (Sometimes, he wishes he could be again.)
He's surprised Lavi thinks of him, and that's a lot of why he replies. Maybe it's not so weird, after all, though. Lavi comes off cheerier than Matt, but Matt's been struck several times by how alike they are.]
[video | private]mistyredheadFebruary 28 2011, 00:04:45 UTC
[That's okay, Lavi's surprised too. He hasn't quite thought of Matt as someone so close, but apparently he thinks of him as someone close enough. All of these attachments just sneak up on him and he can't do anything about it, and it's frustrating.
But he'll try to work with it, because that's all he can do. It's just a little rough...]
[Not like here, and for all that Matt would do it again, it eats at him, makes him wonder if there's something wrong with him, that that was the only answer he could see.]
[He realizes as he says it that it's true. Not easy, but on the scale of things, a lot less hard than what Lavi had to do.]
Someone I-- Someone important to me. He was murdered, here. I killed the guy who did it.
[And the locals don't seem to come back like the otherworlders do, and Matt still wonders if he felt too bad about it, or not bad enough. A coldness in him he'd never touched before.]
[video | private]mistyredheadMarch 5 2011, 12:03:54 UTC
[Not the same thing as practically killing your best friend, Matt, so he imagines it would be easier. Perhaps not easy in general, he wouldn't know, but compared...]
[Matt knows having to take out a monster wearing your best friend's face is nothing like killing someone who's tried to murder both people you love, and succeeded with one of them.]
I know, not really anything like it. It just. Makes me wonder. When killing feels like the only right thing to do.
And in your world, it is, you have to, or let the... what are they, noahs? They win, if you don't. So. At least you know you're the good guys? Probably doesn't help, huh.
[video | private]mistyredheadMarch 13 2011, 20:39:17 UTC
No, she wouldn't have, since they believe they're doing the right thing. Somethin' about Akuma being the manifestation of a person's sins, I think I heard once. I dunno.
A best friend who's not, anymore, and when you need your detachment, it's not there, can't help you do what you know you have to do. A war that doesn't just take things from you. It makes you take them from yourself, twists them, not far enough to be mercifully unrecognizable. As Matt tries to get more comfortable, more than half-awake and trying to pretend he isn't, he's sure the blood in the dream looks darker than it should for a moment. He doesn't know if this is pure dream, memory, or both swirled up together, a fear of what might come, or something past.
Belonging nowhere, my heart unmoved. ...yeah, Matt's been like that. (Sometimes, he wishes he could be again.)
He's surprised Lavi thinks of him, and that's a lot of why he replies. Maybe it's not so weird, after all, though. Lavi comes off cheerier than Matt, but Matt's been struck several times by how alike they are.]
You all right?
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But he'll try to work with it, because that's all he can do. It's just a little rough...]
Yeah, I'm fine.
[Mostly. Will be.]
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[He sighs, thinking.]
Caring so much that you can't. I hope so, anyway.
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[You get a sigh in return. If it was that easy.]
Depends.
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[He stops himself. Too personal to ask.]
I never killed anyone at home. I never had to.
[Not like here, and for all that Matt would do it again, it eats at him, makes him wonder if there's something wrong with him, that that was the only answer he could see.]
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They were already dead.
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[That was one of the very first things Lavi told him, wasn't it? Fucked up said it then, and it says it now.]
Still just as hard to do.
[He wavers on the edge of telling Lavi what happened here, finally deciding he will if asked.]
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[Sigh.]
Guess so.
[But it was the only outcome and best that way. He doesn't think too much about it.]
...you know anything about it?
[Because it hits him that Matt talks as if he's been through something similar.]
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[He realizes as he says it that it's true. Not easy, but on the scale of things, a lot less hard than what Lavi had to do.]
Someone I-- Someone important to me. He was murdered, here. I killed the guy who did it.
[And the locals don't seem to come back like the otherworlders do, and Matt still wonders if he felt too bad about it, or not bad enough. A coldness in him he'd never touched before.]
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Mm, I see.
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I know, not really anything like it. It just. Makes me wonder. When killing feels like the only right thing to do.
And in your world, it is, you have to, or let the... what are they, noahs? They win, if you don't. So. At least you know you're the good guys? Probably doesn't help, huh.
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[Good guys. Right. Depends how you look at it, really.]
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