[Throw away your name; they didn't put it like that for Matt, they knew him well enough. Probably, he'd say now, had a whole psych workup done on him so they knew to work the secret agent angle.
But some of it was the same, being part of a secret, and, later, a secret war. There are things Matt learned on the way that he fell deeply, gratefully into, and there were moments, so many, when he got bored and whined. The paper's done, M, now come play, god.
So it's familiar and not, the way this dream feels as it washes over him. To play at being someone else, to learn the tricks to it.
To be unsure, sometimes, if you're you or that someone else, but maybe that's just Matt's thought as he watches, experiences, and he reaches for the goggles that are sitting on his forehead, then decides to leave them up.]
We have more in common than I thought, Tree-Hugging Guy.
[video | private]mistyredheadApril 27 2011, 05:29:57 UTC
[Oh. Matt.
Right... That time back when Matt had turned into a kid... Mail, was it? That had slipped Lavi's mind, really. But it hadn't been forgotten, because he still never forgets.
He has never really thought of it as much similar to himself, though. Perhaps because everything else is different. Details, a lot of people would probably say. But, well, it is, and he knows. He just likes details, really.]
[He fires up a cigarette, mostly to have something to do with his hands as he thinks.]
Recruited when we were kids, given a new name. Fighting against people who think they're doing god's will? Or that they are god? Yeah. I'd say it gives us a decent basis for understanding each other.
I dunno. It was what I needed at the time. [He spins his cigarette around between his fingers.] It's different here.
You had a cause in your world. Didn't you? It wasn't any less valid because you came to it so young.
[Like Mello, who was a true believer, at least in some things, and Matt was detached enough not to envy his drive and the problems it brought him, but he did wonder what it was like to care so much about things.]
[video | private]mistyredheadMay 7 2011, 20:27:57 UTC
Mm, guess most things are different here.
[But how different he should think of them as is another matter completely. He weighs in all directions at different times, it feels like. And it's a pain.
Knowing that he has a freedom here that he hasn't really had before, but not sure... if he wants to use it. Because on one hand it feels like he shouldn't, while on another it feels like it just doesn't matter. So then what..?]
[Matt doesn't think of that nightmare very often (it was just a nightmare, even though he was dead, right?), but he thinks of it now. Remains alive because there is nothing for which it will die. Matt thinks, now, that dying in a way that meant something was better. If either way he went could be called good at all.]
Yeah. Sometimes. But the kind of pain that's better than not feeling anything. I think so, at least.
[video | private]mistyredheadMay 9 2011, 14:25:36 UTC
[Well... That would be something he thinks of it as a lot, when it comes to everything that is a pain (both in that it hurts and/or is annoying). Though... that is true.
He doesn't want to not feel anything. So that things are hard... that just means he does.
But some of it was the same, being part of a secret, and, later, a secret war. There are things Matt learned on the way that he fell deeply, gratefully into, and there were moments, so many, when he got bored and whined. The paper's done, M, now come play, god.
So it's familiar and not, the way this dream feels as it washes over him. To play at being someone else, to learn the tricks to it.
To be unsure, sometimes, if you're you or that someone else, but maybe that's just Matt's thought as he watches, experiences, and he reaches for the goggles that are sitting on his forehead, then decides to leave them up.]
We have more in common than I thought, Tree-Hugging Guy.
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Right... That time back when Matt had turned into a kid... Mail, was it? That had slipped Lavi's mind, really. But it hadn't been forgotten, because he still never forgets.
He has never really thought of it as much similar to himself, though. Perhaps because everything else is different. Details, a lot of people would probably say. But, well, it is, and he knows. He just likes details, really.]
Yeah? Think so?
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[He fires up a cigarette, mostly to have something to do with his hands as he thinks.]
Recruited when we were kids, given a new name. Fighting against people who think they're doing god's will? Or that they are god? Yeah. I'd say it gives us a decent basis for understanding each other.
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Yeah, guess so.
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You had a cause in your world. Didn't you? It wasn't any less valid because you came to it so young.
[Like Mello, who was a true believer, at least in some things, and Matt was detached enough not to envy his drive and the problems it brought him, but he did wonder what it was like to care so much about things.]
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[But how different he should think of them as is another matter completely. He weighs in all directions at different times, it feels like. And it's a pain.
Knowing that he has a freedom here that he hasn't really had before, but not sure... if he wants to use it. Because on one hand it feels like he shouldn't, while on another it feels like it just doesn't matter. So then what..?]
Havin' a cause can be a pain sometimes though.
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Yeah. Sometimes. But the kind of pain that's better than not feeling anything. I think so, at least.
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He doesn't want to not feel anything. So that things are hard... that just means he does.
So...]
Mmm.
[That would mean it is better.]
Guess so.
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