[Audio/Private]eyeofamiracleOctober 7 2011, 00:40:29 UTC
[ He clicks the line on, and lets out one shaky breath. He raises his head from his arm, and rubs his palm over his face, hiding the dampness of his visible eye.
No matter what, he can’t stay away from this. He swallows, and imprints that thought on his mind. He can’t abandon Judai.
He knows he never will. ]
…Judai. [ A whisper, soft, unsure if it should grow louder.
He can’t find what to say, and he freezes up. However, he refuses to be weak in front of him, so he steels his gaze and swallows. ]
[Audio/Private]sternitfortemOctober 7 2011, 01:58:32 UTC
Why...?
[ Jim would, of course. He was the one who refused to give up on Juudai in the first place. Why would he -
Because he's Juudai's friend, of course, and that's what friends do - and this thought sends a fresh wave of tremors through Juudai's already-trembling body. Right now, he can't handle a burden as heavy as forgiveness. It could break his back with the weight. ]
I don't - [ He stops, wets his lips, bites his lower lip and stares up into the sky. The stars are fading slowly; dawn's still a couple hours away. ]
[Audio/Private]eyeofamiracleOctober 8 2011, 01:59:48 UTC
[ Jim can see it clearly, even with one eye covered and sealed away. He sees the tremors, he notices the nervous, awkward movements. He takes in the utter pain etched on Judai's face
( ... )
[Audio/Private]sternitfortemOctober 8 2011, 03:04:31 UTC
[ Juudai exhales shakily. The sky is brightening slowly along the horizon. Dawn's one... no, a half hour away. Maybe. Time moves strangely in Kannagara, sometimes in fits and starts.
It's not that he wants to hurt his friends. Quite the opposite. If he could get away with never doing that again, he'd be happy. It's just that -
For a few moments, Juudai decides not to think. Just to sit here and take in his surroundings. The birds are waking up and beginning to sing to welcome the dawn. The sky has lightened to pink along the eastern horizon. Yubel holds him steady within his own mind, her presence anchoring him to something.
Jim wants closure. That makes sense. Juudai doesn't want to deny it to him. It's just -
He knows -
It's not his decision, in the end. He can choose to ask - or not ask - forgiveness. And Jim can choose to extend it, or not.
And if this is what Jim needs... ]
Okay.Okay. [ It sounds like it takes everything Juudai has just to say this. He's not sure what it means. It just seems like
( ... )
[Audio/Private (Only Until the End]eyeofamiracleOctober 8 2011, 03:59:20 UTC
[ A single breath, one that was being held unintentionally, slips out. And while relief spills out after hearing that single word being spoken, Jim can see it all too clearly. Judai’s forcing himself to do this, to say that everything could be okay, that Jim can have the closure he craves not for himself but for Judai too; it’s wrong because Judai will never forgive himself
( ... )
[Audio/re-privated]sternitfortemOctober 9 2011, 20:20:32 UTC
Jim.
[ It's amazing how calm he sounds right now. ]
It's not your fault.
[ Too much of this, and Juudai's reached the dumping point; he's not processing this anymore, not looking at it directly. He's let himself go cool (not cold, that would be too much), let himself not hold onto this right now.
He's speaking quietly, slowly: ]
I probably won't be around today. Maybe I'll be back by tonight. I don't want to worry anyone.
[ Pause, then: ]
Take care of yourself, okay? Try and get some rest.
Re: [Audio/re-privated]eyeofamiracleOctober 9 2011, 20:43:53 UTC
[ Jim won't believe Judai's words about whose fault it is. He doesn't need an altercation, and his mind can't handle any more challenges against what Jim can force himself to believe right now. ]
I'll tell something to the others so they won't worry.
[ It's the least he can do, Jim tells himself. With a sigh, he calms his voice, he lets out a hoarse cough to clear the pain away. It doesn't help. ]
Reply
For a long time, maybe a full sixty seconds, nothing can be heard but the rushing of a waterfall, roaring mindlessly into the empty air.
Sharp ears might catch breathing on the line, as well, harsh, ragged, as if the sender had just finished running, and running, and running.
Finally:
A whisper. ]
Jim, I...
[ Then, all at once, in an expulsion of breath that is half a sentence and half a sob: ]
I'm sorry.
Reply
Reply
No matter what, he can’t stay away from this. He swallows, and imprints that thought on his mind. He can’t abandon Judai.
He knows he never will. ]
…Judai. [ A whisper, soft, unsure if it should grow louder.
He can’t find what to say, and he freezes up. However, he refuses to be weak in front of him, so he steels his gaze and swallows. ]
I…know.
[ Here goes everything. ]
...I...forgive you, Judai.
Reply
[ Jim would, of course. He was the one who refused to give up on Juudai in the first place. Why would he -
Because he's Juudai's friend, of course, and that's what friends do - and this thought sends a fresh wave of tremors through Juudai's already-trembling body. Right now, he can't handle a burden as heavy as forgiveness. It could break his back with the weight. ]
I don't - [ He stops, wets his lips, bites his lower lip and stares up into the sky. The stars are fading slowly; dawn's still a couple hours away. ]
I don't deserve it.
Reply
Reply
It's not that he wants to hurt his friends. Quite the opposite. If he could get away with never doing that again, he'd be happy. It's just that -
For a few moments, Juudai decides not to think. Just to sit here and take in his surroundings. The birds are waking up and beginning to sing to welcome the dawn. The sky has lightened to pink along the eastern horizon. Yubel holds him steady within his own mind, her presence anchoring him to something.
Jim wants closure. That makes sense. Juudai doesn't want to deny it to him. It's just -
He knows -
It's not his decision, in the end. He can choose to ask - or not ask - forgiveness. And Jim can choose to extend it, or not.
And if this is what Jim needs... ]
Okay.Okay. [ It sounds like it takes everything Juudai has just to say this. He's not sure what it means. It just seems like ( ... )
Reply
Reply
[ It's amazing how calm he sounds right now. ]
It's not your fault.
[ Too much of this, and Juudai's reached the dumping point; he's not processing this anymore, not looking at it directly. He's let himself go cool (not cold, that would be too much), let himself not hold onto this right now.
He's speaking quietly, slowly: ]
I probably won't be around today. Maybe I'll be back by tonight. I don't want to worry anyone.
[ Pause, then: ]
Take care of yourself, okay? Try and get some rest.
Reply
I'll tell something to the others so they won't worry.
[ It's the least he can do, Jim tells himself. With a sigh, he calms his voice, he lets out a hoarse cough to clear the pain away. It doesn't help. ]
I'll...go see if I can explore the village today.
[ A pause, then: ]
...Thank you, Judai. Get some rest yourself.
Reply
Leave a comment